3Below: Tales of Arcadia (2018) s02e06 Episode Script
There's Something About Gwen (of Gorbon)
1 [LUUG BARKING.]
[PANTING, GRUNTS.]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
One, two, three below! [WHISTLING TUNE.]
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
[GIRLS.]
Come play with us.
Okay.
Well, that's a little bit creepy.
- [SLIPPERS SQUEAKING.]
- [DOG BARKING.]
[PANTING.]
- [MAN HUMMING.]
- [STUART WHIMPERING.]
Don't be so nervous, Stuart.
Ugh, nothing is following you.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Eeeh! [GROANS.]
Stuart, why didn't you buy the color-coded keycaps? [SIGHING HEAVILY.]
Hey, snuggle-bug.
- Ah! - What's the matter? No hug for your ex-girlfriend? Hey, Gwendolyn.
Gosh, it's been a while, huh? I'd love to catch up, honeycakes, like old times.
- Maybe grab a bite? [CHOMPS.]
- Ah! Oh, no.
[WHIMPERS.]
[STEVE.]
And over there is the Platypus Star.
- You remember that one? - [AJA STIFLING LAUGHTER.]
You're going to make me laugh.
Laughing? Laughing's a good thing.
We're We're on a date! At least I thought this was a date.
This isn't a date, it's a heist.
With Kubritz on our tail, we have to finish the wormhole now more than ever.
- Wait, what? - Now shush.
[GUARD CLEARING THROAT.]
[GASPS.]
Hmm.
We're clear.
Whoa, wait, I-I'm not clear.
So, we're not on a date right now? My little brother needs an anti-vortex siphon for the wormhole.
- That's why I wanted to come here.
- Oh.
I thought it was for the super-romantic Platypus Star.
[SCREAMING, GRUNTING.]
- Aja, help! [SCREAMING.]
- Shush! - [SCREAMS.]
- What are you doing up there? Uh, I-I really love science.
I mean, uh, planets, because where would we live without them? - Kleb.
- Okay, wise guy, come on down.
[STEVE.]
Heh, sure.
Can you, um [GRUNTS.]
lend me a hand? Ah! Holy mackerel! Aw, man! A break-in and a smashed moon rock! They're gonna fire me this time.
I am telling you that I am in danger.
- You look fine to Varvatos.
- Well, I'm not! My ex-girlfriend wants to "grab a bite".
She means me! She wants to eat me! Or she means to have dinner with you.
- Or she means I'm the dinner.
- Or dinner with you.
- Or I'm the dinner.
- Or she Look, we're going in circles here.
I need your help.
If you are so fearful, then why don't you decline her invitation? Hey, snuggle-bug! Hello.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Because she won't leave me alone! [GROANS.]
Please! I need you there.
Oh, and bring Nancy.
She teaches rumba to the seniors in the park on Thursdays.
A dance lesson will be a great distraction from eating me.
[GRUNTS.]
Someone order an anti-vortex siphon? - Finally, the Staja comes through! - [LUUG BARKING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Come here, boy! - [SCREAMING.]
- Good boy.
Luug, get off me! Oh, the wormhole generator.
Hey, any chance you could get that thing up and running by, say, this afternoon before Stuey goes kablooey? Why? Is Kubritz after you now? I have been keeping four eyes on Kubritz.
She appears to be "lying low", as the humans say.
Stuart has a worse stalker his ex-girlfriend.
- [SCREAMS.]
- Hello, there.
- Hey! - No, you don't understand.
Gwendolyn of Gorbon is a true monster, okay? Things might've started out good, yeah, sure.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
[STUART.]
Ah, we were practically kids.
Oh, every day was love's newest adventure.
- [CHOMPS.]
- Ah! Ah! [GRUNTING.]
I remember on our first anniversary we made a snorfing pot together.
- That is ridiculous! - Ugh! Alien dates are weird.
Oof! But I couldn't ignore my four hearts' true feelings.
I wasn't ready to settle down.
I had no choice but to break it off gently.
Just stepping out for a delicious cup of jorb! Back in a jiff! Stuart! - And you never came back? - [STUART.]
Never.
Gorbons have very simple principles they either mate for life or they devour their ex.
I had to escape, so I hightailed it out of Durio and crashed here.
Hadn't heard a peep from her since, well, since today.
You ran out on her.
She probably just wants closure.
Yeah, well, I hadn't thought of that.
I still don't want to go alone.
Varvatos will tag along, but only because a dance lesson with Nancy sounds most enjoyable.
- Yes! Thank you! - Ugh! Dating.
While you all mash your faces together, I'm going to break the laws of physics.
[GASPS.]
Steve and I will come to this dance lesson, too.
Uh, we will? Varvatos is right.
Kubritz hasn't shown her face.
We can relax and have a human date, just like you wanted.
Yep, exact-o-mundo.
[LUUG BURBLING.]
- [BARKING.]
- [SCREAMS.]
[BEEPING.]
[WHIRRING.]
It's alive! [LAUGHING.]
- I'm officially an engineering genius.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
[MOTHER.]
It appears your engineering genius has made a miscalculation.
- I see that.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, my gosh! There's so much to film, so little time.
What are you guys doing here? Okay, so, Gun Robot VII is going to premiere at the grand re-opening of the Arcadia drive-in, right? The franchise is kind of played out, but they're having a contest where one local short film gets to play before the movie! Is filmmaking one of the sacred duties of Trollhunting? No, but I've always wanted to direct.
I've been up for 96 hours writing the script, fueled on nothing but sugar and dreams.
It's called Kleb or Alive, colon The Adventures of Captain DJ Kleb, colon Intergalactic Man of Mystery and Weekend DJ, colon Episode IV.
You gotta save room for prequels.
I brought storyboards.
Check 'em out.
Eli, storyboards.
It's got action, drama, and an allegory about the creation of man.
Ooh, ooh, and it's a science fiction epic! I'm more interested in science facts, like building my wormhole.
[MOTHER.]
Probability of finalizing your wormhole today is approximately 0.
00000 Okay, okay, okay, I get it.
Oh, please, Krel? Between Eli's story, your space dog, and the cool, special effects-y costume of yours - You mean my body? - Yeah, whatever.
We're a lock to win the contest! I'm sorry, but I know all about you humans and your alien films.
Everything from outer space is a murderous threat.
Not in Kleb or Alive! The alien is our hero.
How'd you like to save the world? I did that last week for real.
Mm, m'kay, but this time, it'll be less of "end of the world" terrifying and more "friends having fun".
[GASPS.]
We're friends? [LAUGHS.]
Of course we're friends! You saved us from an alien bounty hunter.
We saved you from evil military scientists.
That's what friends do.
They save each other's butts and star in their movies.
Plus we could win a trophy without playing a sport! [TOBY.]
So, what do you say, DJ Kleb? - [TOBY.]
And action! - [CLACKS.]
Okay, we fade from black.
The shot opens with a dramatic low angle on a creepy farmhouse.
We crane up to reveal the night sky.
A UFO enters from screen left.
Prop master! A UFO enters! [ELI IMITATING SPACE SHIP.]
Oh, yeah, this is so good.
And enter DJ Kleb! Someone call about a radioactive canine? And action, Luug! Hello? I said "action"! Ow! Hey, watch it, dude! I'm the director, okay? I'm irreplaceable.
Okay, bring in the radioactive laser beaming space dog.
- [BARKING.]
- [CHOMPSKY SPEAKING GIBBERISH.]
- [GROWLING.]
- [TOBY SCREAMING.]
- [GROWLING.]
- [CHOMPSKY SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [LUUG WHINES.]
Luug, this is not what we rehearsed! [CHOMPSKY HOOTING.]
[HUMMING, KISSING.]
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH, YELLS.]
I'm running a set here, people, not a daycare.
At this rate, we're gonna go way over budget.
But there is no budget.
Don't make me replace you, Eli.
You can't replace me! I'm already doing sound, special effects, props, and I wrote the script.
Oh, right.
Hmm mm mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Mm, okay, you're rehired.
Now, back to places, people, before we lose more light.
I've always wanted to say that.
[GWENDOLYN.]
How marvelous! What a beautiful planet you've chosen, Stuey.
- Exceptional taste.
- Thank you.
And dance lessons, what a romantic idea.
Although I would much prefer to grab a bite.
- [CHOMPING.]
- Yeah, yeah.
Maybe later.
Uh [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Ready to move and groove, Varvatos? - Whoopsie-daisy! - Oh! - Oh, my! - [VEX.]
Clumsy Varvatos! He seems to have broken your looking devices beyond repair.
Oh, my vision's a bit blurry without them.
[VEX CHUCKLES.]
[WHISPERS.]
Glorious.
Fortunately, you don't need to see to move your body! That'll be dance lesson number one for ya.
Nancy, thanks for joining Varvatos and his friends on this platonic excursion.
[NANCY GIGGLES.]
My pleasure.
Always nice to spend time with friends.
I got you, Mrs.
Domzalski.
You know, one time, I got caught TP-ing an old folks' home, and they made me host Mahjong Night.
So, Varvatos, how are things going with Nancy? Have you told her you like her yet? Peh! Varvatos refuses to busy himself with the frivolity of emotion.
A fearless warrior such as [IMITATING VEX.]
Fearless warriors aren't afraid [NORMAL VOICE.]
of little old ladies or feelings.
Tell her.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
Lonely That was my name [GLASS SHATTERS.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
Mambo! Is everybody ready? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, good! First, use your feet.
Then step left and step right.
Cross your feet, cross your legs.
- [GROANING.]
- Ow! Ugh! Que rico, mambo Now, grab your partner's hand.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- Huh? - And put your other hand on their hips.
[NANCY GIGGLES.]
Oh! Ooh, that's good! Bring them in close.
[SLIPPERS SQUEAK.]
What? [GRUNTS.]
[NANCY LAUGHS.]
Oh! You're doing so good.
[STEVE GROANING.]
I can't feel my legs.
- [NANCY.]
Now, let's spice things up! - Oh, God! - [NANCY.]
Switch partners.
- [STEVE GROANS.]
May I? - Yes! - [STUART SHOUTING.]
Oh, what wonderful tones.
Did this one ever tell you what a crooner he was? Stuey, sing our song.
No, that's okay.
I don't like Really.
Pwease, for me? - My pipes are a bit rusty - I said sing the song! [SINGING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
[NANCY.]
Now switch partners! Eeeh! See? You don't need to be afraid of Gwendolyn.
- She is lively! - Yeah, and I just wanna stay a-lively.
Alive.
I Alive.
[GRUNTS.]
Another dancey, dear Nancy? Hey, what do you say we revisit the K-I-S-S-I-N-G tree, then head to Benoit's for a milkshake? A kissing tree? I've never heard of such a thing.
Oh, I would love to explore it with my Stuey alone.
Oh, who cares? You've seen one tree, you've seen them all, haven't you? Go on, Stuart.
Some alone time will really help you reconnect.
Come on, my yummy widdle honeycake.
[ECHOING.]
Why don't we all go, yes? Nancy? Aja? Oh, but that would kill the romance.
- [STUART.]
Better the romance than me! - [GWENDOLYN.]
Ta-ta! If Stuart and Gwendolyn get back together, they can be Gwooart.
- Or wait.
Stendolyn! - Yeah, sure, what uh, whatever.
- Heh.
I don't know.
- What's going on, Steve? You've been acting like a snackbutt all day.
Well, most of the time you're running from Kubritz or bounty hunters or whatever.
And when we finally have a bit of downtime, we're dancing with giant alie Garbanzo ladies or something.
All we ever do is Akiridion stuff.
I'm an Akiridion, Steve.
- Is that a problem? - A moment, Nancy.
There's something Varvatos needs to get off his wrinkly chest.
He wishes for us to see each other.
Uh see each other? [CHUCKLES.]
What Varvatos What I'm trying to say is [CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm having a lovely time.
Oh, that's so good to hear.
I can't wait to tell Phil.
We've been dating for a while now.
Phil's open and honest [PHIL CACKLING.]
Looks like I stole your queen, Varvatos.
Checkmate, buttwrinkle! [EVIL LAUGH ECHOES.]
[NANCY.]
He's more than a chess player to me.
- [GROANING.]
- [NANCY GASPS.]
- Are you okay? - Yes.
[GWENDOLYN.]
Isn't it divine? You know, it really kind of is.
Should we, uh, do as the humans do? Carve our initials, huh? Here, let me help you with that claw.
[STUART.]
Oh, my I've missed that pungent, Durian scent of yours.
Oh you're the only one who's ever liked it.
It turns out my friends, they were right.
You're not a killer.
You're a thief, because Gwendolyn, my darling you've stolen my heart.
What do you say we give us another chance, hmm? - I'd say that would ruin my engagement.
- Your Your what? - Your engagement? Ahh! - You know how simple the rules are.
Gorbons must mate for life or consume their ex.
- I can't marry him until you're digested.
- [SCREAMING.]
His name is Theodore of Territora.
He's an accountant and he's not afraid of commitment, unlike some Durians! - [WHIMPERING.]
Eeeh! - [ROARS.]
I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of dying.
Ah! You're so cute when you're scared.
I could just eat you up.
And now I think I will! [ROARS.]
We're having our first fight.
Is that human enough for you? I like that you're an Akiridion.
I like you just the way you are.
But why can't we just do something that's just us, like go on an Earth date for once? Oh, right, because you think "alien dates are weird".
- [GWENDOLYN ROARS.]
- [STUART.]
Hooo! - Okay, that's kind of weird.
- [VEX.]
Quickly! Before love's grasp rips Stuart limb from slimy limb, like it's already done to Varvatos.
[SIGHS.]
You know what doesn't attack you? Milkshakes! [BARKING.]
I might not be from this neck of the universe, Luugasaurus, but that won't stop me from defending it! - [WHINING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Okay, DJ Kleb's in pain, he's in pain, he's hurting.
Is this the end? Give me more pain.
And action, Luugasaurus! [SCREAMING CONTINUES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah! Yeah! - DJ Kleb is - [LUUG WHINING.]
- Line! - Ugh! Cut, cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut it! - "DJ Kleb is here to party".
- But would my character say that? Would he be looking to party during a fight? - But it's your catchphrase.
- Just trust the process, Krel.
- [AJA.]
Krel! - Is it urgent, Aja? Stuart was right about his ex-girlfriend.
She's a monster! Bring your serrator before Stuart becomes Gwendolyn's dessert.
Can we pick this up tomorrow? There's a man-hungry Gorbon I have to slay in the middle of the forest right now.
[GASPS.]
A man-hungry Gorbon? Imagine the production value! Uh, sorry, Luug.
You've been recast.
We just decided to go in a different direction.
[WHINING.]
[BURPS, FARTS.]
[SIGHS.]
- [STUART SCREAMING.]
- [VEX.]
Put your date down! [GRUNTING.]
I told you she was a man-eater! - [VEX ROARING.]
- [STUART SCREAMS.]
Ah! [GROANS.]
Ow! - [STUART SHOUTING.]
- [SERRATOR BLASTS.]
[GROWLS.]
Let go of my friend! That's the problem.
I can't! My love life must continue, and it can't until he's gone.
[STUART SCREAMING.]
- [STEVE.]
Oh, no! - Can anyone tell me what's going on? Uh, wait here, Mrs.
Domzalski.
[SERRATOR CHARGES.]
Ow! Maybe we could just talk about this? I don't talk, I eat! Die, creeper! - Yah! - [SNARLS.]
Oh, no.
[SCREAMS.]
- [SNARLS.]
- Kleb! [GASPS, GRUNTS.]
- Oh, Kleb.
- Down the hatch! [SCREAMING.]
I'm too young to die! No need to fear, DJ Kleb is almost here! [TOBY LAUGHS.]
This is magic, baby! Pure mag Ah! We're good.
We're good, people.
Let's Let's move locations.
- [SNARLING.]
- [STUART ECHOES.]
Oh, it's dark.
Dark and damp.
Hang on, is that Daryl? You told me you and Daryl were just friends! [VEX.]
Don't worry, Stuart! [SHOUTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
I've got you! Glorious! [STEVE GROANING.]
Die, creeper! Yah! [GRUNTS, SCREAMING.]
[KREL SHOUTING.]
[TOBY.]
And action! - Krel! - Ah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! - [ROARS.]
- DJ Kleb is here to party! [STUART GRUNTS.]
That was amazing! [LAUGHS.]
I have a catchphrase! [STAMMERING.]
And friends! Get out of the shot, Nana! Oh, hello, Toby Pie! Wait, Nana? [GROANING.]
No! No! [GASPS.]
Oh! Oh, thank you, Steve.
We are so gonna win this contest.
And then the People's Selection Awards.
And then Oh, no.
Guys, think I ran out of tape.
I told you we should have shot on digital.
[SNARLING.]
No.
Gwendolyn, please, please.
Must you seriously devour me? Destroying you is the only way to forget about our time together.
But you don't need to forget the past to have a future.
Some memories are worth holding onto.
I I held onto this.
You You kept our snorfing pot? Yeah, of course I did.
[SNIFFLES.]
Remember when we made it? Oh, how could I forget? You kept getting clay on your nose.
[GIGGLES.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, yeah! Yeah, I did.
You see? We had some happy times.
I kept this as a reminder of you, of us.
[BOTH.]
Snorf, snorf.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hey, let's not finish as enemies, huh? - [SNARLS.]
- Eeeh! - Oh, my gosh.
- No! - What the ? - [WHIMPERING.]
[GULPS.]
That's what I needed.
Yep, devouring that snorfing pot was just like devouring all our memories together.
All those, ugh, feelings for [COUGHS.]
you.
Just Yep, yep, yep, you're gone.
You're dead to me.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, I can't believe we even dated.
I am so far out of your solar system.
Hey! I was gonna suggest we remain friends Uh, sure.
Uh-huh.
I'll text you or something.
You know what sounds good right now? [DOUXIE.]
One sweetheart milkshake with two straws.
- Bon appétit.
- There are bones in this? Move along, garçon.
See? [SLURPS.]
This is a date.
You know, it's kind of nice.
Sure, it's not as exciting as your Akiridion adventures, or slimy, or noisy, or stinky Point taken.
And I agree, we should be doing more Earth stuff, just us.
But I'm an Akiridion, Steve, and I can't change that.
[STEVE.]
Yeah, of course not.
You're amazing, but I'm human, and I can't change that.
Unless, you know, I'm bitten by a radioactive beetle or something, which would be totally cool.
I mean like think of all the Wait, what were we talking about? Steve [LAUGHS.]
you're amazing, too, just the way you are.
Hey, tomorrow night, you should come over for dinner.
Me? For dinner? Oh, for dinner! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
I'm still not sure.
Royal targets are present and accounted for on Earth.
Superior work, Gwendolyn of Gorbon.
Shall I crush them for you, sir? That is not required.
What I have planned for them will be far more excruciating.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
[PANTING, GRUNTS.]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
One, two, three below! [WHISTLING TUNE.]
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
[GIRLS.]
Come play with us.
Okay.
Well, that's a little bit creepy.
- [SLIPPERS SQUEAKING.]
- [DOG BARKING.]
[PANTING.]
- [MAN HUMMING.]
- [STUART WHIMPERING.]
Don't be so nervous, Stuart.
Ugh, nothing is following you.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Eeeh! [GROANS.]
Stuart, why didn't you buy the color-coded keycaps? [SIGHING HEAVILY.]
Hey, snuggle-bug.
- Ah! - What's the matter? No hug for your ex-girlfriend? Hey, Gwendolyn.
Gosh, it's been a while, huh? I'd love to catch up, honeycakes, like old times.
- Maybe grab a bite? [CHOMPS.]
- Ah! Oh, no.
[WHIMPERS.]
[STEVE.]
And over there is the Platypus Star.
- You remember that one? - [AJA STIFLING LAUGHTER.]
You're going to make me laugh.
Laughing? Laughing's a good thing.
We're We're on a date! At least I thought this was a date.
This isn't a date, it's a heist.
With Kubritz on our tail, we have to finish the wormhole now more than ever.
- Wait, what? - Now shush.
[GUARD CLEARING THROAT.]
[GASPS.]
Hmm.
We're clear.
Whoa, wait, I-I'm not clear.
So, we're not on a date right now? My little brother needs an anti-vortex siphon for the wormhole.
- That's why I wanted to come here.
- Oh.
I thought it was for the super-romantic Platypus Star.
[SCREAMING, GRUNTING.]
- Aja, help! [SCREAMING.]
- Shush! - [SCREAMS.]
- What are you doing up there? Uh, I-I really love science.
I mean, uh, planets, because where would we live without them? - Kleb.
- Okay, wise guy, come on down.
[STEVE.]
Heh, sure.
Can you, um [GRUNTS.]
lend me a hand? Ah! Holy mackerel! Aw, man! A break-in and a smashed moon rock! They're gonna fire me this time.
I am telling you that I am in danger.
- You look fine to Varvatos.
- Well, I'm not! My ex-girlfriend wants to "grab a bite".
She means me! She wants to eat me! Or she means to have dinner with you.
- Or she means I'm the dinner.
- Or dinner with you.
- Or I'm the dinner.
- Or she Look, we're going in circles here.
I need your help.
If you are so fearful, then why don't you decline her invitation? Hey, snuggle-bug! Hello.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Because she won't leave me alone! [GROANS.]
Please! I need you there.
Oh, and bring Nancy.
She teaches rumba to the seniors in the park on Thursdays.
A dance lesson will be a great distraction from eating me.
[GRUNTS.]
Someone order an anti-vortex siphon? - Finally, the Staja comes through! - [LUUG BARKING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Come here, boy! - [SCREAMING.]
- Good boy.
Luug, get off me! Oh, the wormhole generator.
Hey, any chance you could get that thing up and running by, say, this afternoon before Stuey goes kablooey? Why? Is Kubritz after you now? I have been keeping four eyes on Kubritz.
She appears to be "lying low", as the humans say.
Stuart has a worse stalker his ex-girlfriend.
- [SCREAMS.]
- Hello, there.
- Hey! - No, you don't understand.
Gwendolyn of Gorbon is a true monster, okay? Things might've started out good, yeah, sure.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
[STUART.]
Ah, we were practically kids.
Oh, every day was love's newest adventure.
- [CHOMPS.]
- Ah! Ah! [GRUNTING.]
I remember on our first anniversary we made a snorfing pot together.
- That is ridiculous! - Ugh! Alien dates are weird.
Oof! But I couldn't ignore my four hearts' true feelings.
I wasn't ready to settle down.
I had no choice but to break it off gently.
Just stepping out for a delicious cup of jorb! Back in a jiff! Stuart! - And you never came back? - [STUART.]
Never.
Gorbons have very simple principles they either mate for life or they devour their ex.
I had to escape, so I hightailed it out of Durio and crashed here.
Hadn't heard a peep from her since, well, since today.
You ran out on her.
She probably just wants closure.
Yeah, well, I hadn't thought of that.
I still don't want to go alone.
Varvatos will tag along, but only because a dance lesson with Nancy sounds most enjoyable.
- Yes! Thank you! - Ugh! Dating.
While you all mash your faces together, I'm going to break the laws of physics.
[GASPS.]
Steve and I will come to this dance lesson, too.
Uh, we will? Varvatos is right.
Kubritz hasn't shown her face.
We can relax and have a human date, just like you wanted.
Yep, exact-o-mundo.
[LUUG BURBLING.]
- [BARKING.]
- [SCREAMS.]
[BEEPING.]
[WHIRRING.]
It's alive! [LAUGHING.]
- I'm officially an engineering genius.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
[MOTHER.]
It appears your engineering genius has made a miscalculation.
- I see that.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, my gosh! There's so much to film, so little time.
What are you guys doing here? Okay, so, Gun Robot VII is going to premiere at the grand re-opening of the Arcadia drive-in, right? The franchise is kind of played out, but they're having a contest where one local short film gets to play before the movie! Is filmmaking one of the sacred duties of Trollhunting? No, but I've always wanted to direct.
I've been up for 96 hours writing the script, fueled on nothing but sugar and dreams.
It's called Kleb or Alive, colon The Adventures of Captain DJ Kleb, colon Intergalactic Man of Mystery and Weekend DJ, colon Episode IV.
You gotta save room for prequels.
I brought storyboards.
Check 'em out.
Eli, storyboards.
It's got action, drama, and an allegory about the creation of man.
Ooh, ooh, and it's a science fiction epic! I'm more interested in science facts, like building my wormhole.
[MOTHER.]
Probability of finalizing your wormhole today is approximately 0.
00000 Okay, okay, okay, I get it.
Oh, please, Krel? Between Eli's story, your space dog, and the cool, special effects-y costume of yours - You mean my body? - Yeah, whatever.
We're a lock to win the contest! I'm sorry, but I know all about you humans and your alien films.
Everything from outer space is a murderous threat.
Not in Kleb or Alive! The alien is our hero.
How'd you like to save the world? I did that last week for real.
Mm, m'kay, but this time, it'll be less of "end of the world" terrifying and more "friends having fun".
[GASPS.]
We're friends? [LAUGHS.]
Of course we're friends! You saved us from an alien bounty hunter.
We saved you from evil military scientists.
That's what friends do.
They save each other's butts and star in their movies.
Plus we could win a trophy without playing a sport! [TOBY.]
So, what do you say, DJ Kleb? - [TOBY.]
And action! - [CLACKS.]
Okay, we fade from black.
The shot opens with a dramatic low angle on a creepy farmhouse.
We crane up to reveal the night sky.
A UFO enters from screen left.
Prop master! A UFO enters! [ELI IMITATING SPACE SHIP.]
Oh, yeah, this is so good.
And enter DJ Kleb! Someone call about a radioactive canine? And action, Luug! Hello? I said "action"! Ow! Hey, watch it, dude! I'm the director, okay? I'm irreplaceable.
Okay, bring in the radioactive laser beaming space dog.
- [BARKING.]
- [CHOMPSKY SPEAKING GIBBERISH.]
- [GROWLING.]
- [TOBY SCREAMING.]
- [GROWLING.]
- [CHOMPSKY SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [LUUG WHINES.]
Luug, this is not what we rehearsed! [CHOMPSKY HOOTING.]
[HUMMING, KISSING.]
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH, YELLS.]
I'm running a set here, people, not a daycare.
At this rate, we're gonna go way over budget.
But there is no budget.
Don't make me replace you, Eli.
You can't replace me! I'm already doing sound, special effects, props, and I wrote the script.
Oh, right.
Hmm mm mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Mm, okay, you're rehired.
Now, back to places, people, before we lose more light.
I've always wanted to say that.
[GWENDOLYN.]
How marvelous! What a beautiful planet you've chosen, Stuey.
- Exceptional taste.
- Thank you.
And dance lessons, what a romantic idea.
Although I would much prefer to grab a bite.
- [CHOMPING.]
- Yeah, yeah.
Maybe later.
Uh [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Ready to move and groove, Varvatos? - Whoopsie-daisy! - Oh! - Oh, my! - [VEX.]
Clumsy Varvatos! He seems to have broken your looking devices beyond repair.
Oh, my vision's a bit blurry without them.
[VEX CHUCKLES.]
[WHISPERS.]
Glorious.
Fortunately, you don't need to see to move your body! That'll be dance lesson number one for ya.
Nancy, thanks for joining Varvatos and his friends on this platonic excursion.
[NANCY GIGGLES.]
My pleasure.
Always nice to spend time with friends.
I got you, Mrs.
Domzalski.
You know, one time, I got caught TP-ing an old folks' home, and they made me host Mahjong Night.
So, Varvatos, how are things going with Nancy? Have you told her you like her yet? Peh! Varvatos refuses to busy himself with the frivolity of emotion.
A fearless warrior such as [IMITATING VEX.]
Fearless warriors aren't afraid [NORMAL VOICE.]
of little old ladies or feelings.
Tell her.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
Lonely That was my name [GLASS SHATTERS.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
Mambo! Is everybody ready? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, good! First, use your feet.
Then step left and step right.
Cross your feet, cross your legs.
- [GROANING.]
- Ow! Ugh! Que rico, mambo Now, grab your partner's hand.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- Huh? - And put your other hand on their hips.
[NANCY GIGGLES.]
Oh! Ooh, that's good! Bring them in close.
[SLIPPERS SQUEAK.]
What? [GRUNTS.]
[NANCY LAUGHS.]
Oh! You're doing so good.
[STEVE GROANING.]
I can't feel my legs.
- [NANCY.]
Now, let's spice things up! - Oh, God! - [NANCY.]
Switch partners.
- [STEVE GROANS.]
May I? - Yes! - [STUART SHOUTING.]
Oh, what wonderful tones.
Did this one ever tell you what a crooner he was? Stuey, sing our song.
No, that's okay.
I don't like Really.
Pwease, for me? - My pipes are a bit rusty - I said sing the song! [SINGING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
[NANCY.]
Now switch partners! Eeeh! See? You don't need to be afraid of Gwendolyn.
- She is lively! - Yeah, and I just wanna stay a-lively.
Alive.
I Alive.
[GRUNTS.]
Another dancey, dear Nancy? Hey, what do you say we revisit the K-I-S-S-I-N-G tree, then head to Benoit's for a milkshake? A kissing tree? I've never heard of such a thing.
Oh, I would love to explore it with my Stuey alone.
Oh, who cares? You've seen one tree, you've seen them all, haven't you? Go on, Stuart.
Some alone time will really help you reconnect.
Come on, my yummy widdle honeycake.
[ECHOING.]
Why don't we all go, yes? Nancy? Aja? Oh, but that would kill the romance.
- [STUART.]
Better the romance than me! - [GWENDOLYN.]
Ta-ta! If Stuart and Gwendolyn get back together, they can be Gwooart.
- Or wait.
Stendolyn! - Yeah, sure, what uh, whatever.
- Heh.
I don't know.
- What's going on, Steve? You've been acting like a snackbutt all day.
Well, most of the time you're running from Kubritz or bounty hunters or whatever.
And when we finally have a bit of downtime, we're dancing with giant alie Garbanzo ladies or something.
All we ever do is Akiridion stuff.
I'm an Akiridion, Steve.
- Is that a problem? - A moment, Nancy.
There's something Varvatos needs to get off his wrinkly chest.
He wishes for us to see each other.
Uh see each other? [CHUCKLES.]
What Varvatos What I'm trying to say is [CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm having a lovely time.
Oh, that's so good to hear.
I can't wait to tell Phil.
We've been dating for a while now.
Phil's open and honest [PHIL CACKLING.]
Looks like I stole your queen, Varvatos.
Checkmate, buttwrinkle! [EVIL LAUGH ECHOES.]
[NANCY.]
He's more than a chess player to me.
- [GROANING.]
- [NANCY GASPS.]
- Are you okay? - Yes.
[GWENDOLYN.]
Isn't it divine? You know, it really kind of is.
Should we, uh, do as the humans do? Carve our initials, huh? Here, let me help you with that claw.
[STUART.]
Oh, my I've missed that pungent, Durian scent of yours.
Oh you're the only one who's ever liked it.
It turns out my friends, they were right.
You're not a killer.
You're a thief, because Gwendolyn, my darling you've stolen my heart.
What do you say we give us another chance, hmm? - I'd say that would ruin my engagement.
- Your Your what? - Your engagement? Ahh! - You know how simple the rules are.
Gorbons must mate for life or consume their ex.
- I can't marry him until you're digested.
- [SCREAMING.]
His name is Theodore of Territora.
He's an accountant and he's not afraid of commitment, unlike some Durians! - [WHIMPERING.]
Eeeh! - [ROARS.]
I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of dying.
Ah! You're so cute when you're scared.
I could just eat you up.
And now I think I will! [ROARS.]
We're having our first fight.
Is that human enough for you? I like that you're an Akiridion.
I like you just the way you are.
But why can't we just do something that's just us, like go on an Earth date for once? Oh, right, because you think "alien dates are weird".
- [GWENDOLYN ROARS.]
- [STUART.]
Hooo! - Okay, that's kind of weird.
- [VEX.]
Quickly! Before love's grasp rips Stuart limb from slimy limb, like it's already done to Varvatos.
[SIGHS.]
You know what doesn't attack you? Milkshakes! [BARKING.]
I might not be from this neck of the universe, Luugasaurus, but that won't stop me from defending it! - [WHINING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Okay, DJ Kleb's in pain, he's in pain, he's hurting.
Is this the end? Give me more pain.
And action, Luugasaurus! [SCREAMING CONTINUES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah! Yeah! - DJ Kleb is - [LUUG WHINING.]
- Line! - Ugh! Cut, cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut it! - "DJ Kleb is here to party".
- But would my character say that? Would he be looking to party during a fight? - But it's your catchphrase.
- Just trust the process, Krel.
- [AJA.]
Krel! - Is it urgent, Aja? Stuart was right about his ex-girlfriend.
She's a monster! Bring your serrator before Stuart becomes Gwendolyn's dessert.
Can we pick this up tomorrow? There's a man-hungry Gorbon I have to slay in the middle of the forest right now.
[GASPS.]
A man-hungry Gorbon? Imagine the production value! Uh, sorry, Luug.
You've been recast.
We just decided to go in a different direction.
[WHINING.]
[BURPS, FARTS.]
[SIGHS.]
- [STUART SCREAMING.]
- [VEX.]
Put your date down! [GRUNTING.]
I told you she was a man-eater! - [VEX ROARING.]
- [STUART SCREAMS.]
Ah! [GROANS.]
Ow! - [STUART SHOUTING.]
- [SERRATOR BLASTS.]
[GROWLS.]
Let go of my friend! That's the problem.
I can't! My love life must continue, and it can't until he's gone.
[STUART SCREAMING.]
- [STEVE.]
Oh, no! - Can anyone tell me what's going on? Uh, wait here, Mrs.
Domzalski.
[SERRATOR CHARGES.]
Ow! Maybe we could just talk about this? I don't talk, I eat! Die, creeper! - Yah! - [SNARLS.]
Oh, no.
[SCREAMS.]
- [SNARLS.]
- Kleb! [GASPS, GRUNTS.]
- Oh, Kleb.
- Down the hatch! [SCREAMING.]
I'm too young to die! No need to fear, DJ Kleb is almost here! [TOBY LAUGHS.]
This is magic, baby! Pure mag Ah! We're good.
We're good, people.
Let's Let's move locations.
- [SNARLING.]
- [STUART ECHOES.]
Oh, it's dark.
Dark and damp.
Hang on, is that Daryl? You told me you and Daryl were just friends! [VEX.]
Don't worry, Stuart! [SHOUTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
I've got you! Glorious! [STEVE GROANING.]
Die, creeper! Yah! [GRUNTS, SCREAMING.]
[KREL SHOUTING.]
[TOBY.]
And action! - Krel! - Ah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! - [ROARS.]
- DJ Kleb is here to party! [STUART GRUNTS.]
That was amazing! [LAUGHS.]
I have a catchphrase! [STAMMERING.]
And friends! Get out of the shot, Nana! Oh, hello, Toby Pie! Wait, Nana? [GROANING.]
No! No! [GASPS.]
Oh! Oh, thank you, Steve.
We are so gonna win this contest.
And then the People's Selection Awards.
And then Oh, no.
Guys, think I ran out of tape.
I told you we should have shot on digital.
[SNARLING.]
No.
Gwendolyn, please, please.
Must you seriously devour me? Destroying you is the only way to forget about our time together.
But you don't need to forget the past to have a future.
Some memories are worth holding onto.
I I held onto this.
You You kept our snorfing pot? Yeah, of course I did.
[SNIFFLES.]
Remember when we made it? Oh, how could I forget? You kept getting clay on your nose.
[GIGGLES.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, yeah! Yeah, I did.
You see? We had some happy times.
I kept this as a reminder of you, of us.
[BOTH.]
Snorf, snorf.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hey, let's not finish as enemies, huh? - [SNARLS.]
- Eeeh! - Oh, my gosh.
- No! - What the ? - [WHIMPERING.]
[GULPS.]
That's what I needed.
Yep, devouring that snorfing pot was just like devouring all our memories together.
All those, ugh, feelings for [COUGHS.]
you.
Just Yep, yep, yep, you're gone.
You're dead to me.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, I can't believe we even dated.
I am so far out of your solar system.
Hey! I was gonna suggest we remain friends Uh, sure.
Uh-huh.
I'll text you or something.
You know what sounds good right now? [DOUXIE.]
One sweetheart milkshake with two straws.
- Bon appétit.
- There are bones in this? Move along, garçon.
See? [SLURPS.]
This is a date.
You know, it's kind of nice.
Sure, it's not as exciting as your Akiridion adventures, or slimy, or noisy, or stinky Point taken.
And I agree, we should be doing more Earth stuff, just us.
But I'm an Akiridion, Steve, and I can't change that.
[STEVE.]
Yeah, of course not.
You're amazing, but I'm human, and I can't change that.
Unless, you know, I'm bitten by a radioactive beetle or something, which would be totally cool.
I mean like think of all the Wait, what were we talking about? Steve [LAUGHS.]
you're amazing, too, just the way you are.
Hey, tomorrow night, you should come over for dinner.
Me? For dinner? Oh, for dinner! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
I'm still not sure.
Royal targets are present and accounted for on Earth.
Superior work, Gwendolyn of Gorbon.
Shall I crush them for you, sir? That is not required.
What I have planned for them will be far more excruciating.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]