Animaniacs (2020) s02e06 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Making gain‐eys ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪
[click]
‐ Hey! A new episode of our new favorite
business show on the Business Channel!
‐ Oh! You mean the one where the guy goes
and helps people fix
their failing small business!
‐ No! That's on
the Small Business Channel.
This is where they pitch
their idea to billionaires,
and if it's bad, they get
dropped into a flaming pit!
‐ That's capitalism, baby!
tense music playing ♪
[ding]
‐ So, Gordon, pitch me.
I'm dreaming.
‐ You ever eat a baby carrot at
a rock concert and feel embarrassed?
I‐I mean, how often do you find yourself
eating three to four baby carrots,
just to satisfy your carrot craving?
‐ So a regular‐sized carrot?
[buzz]
[screaming]
‐ A touch indelicate,
but ultimately fair.
‐ Aw, I thought his idea
had real potential.
‐ Come on! I could pitch a better idea
than that off the top of my head!
And improv is the weakest
of my comedic disciplines.
‐ Improv is the weakest
of all comedic disciplines,
so this should be terrible.
‐ Alright then!
Let's see you do it.
‐ And it better be good!
[buzz]
♪
‐ Alright then.
But I gotta warn you.
This might be too groundbreaking.
I've got one, or possibly two,
words for you, sibs.
Exoplanets.
Space tourism!
Space tourism is the future!
Scientists are discovering
new exoplanets all the time.
You see
musical flourish begins ♪
‐ Here's your first note, sweetie.
[music ends]
Don't every single song
with the words "you see."
‐ Ahem. You see
musical flourish playing ♪
Not long ago, we didn't know ♪
If we were all alone ♪
Was there a dearth of other Earths ♪
In the Habitable Zone? ♪
Then the Kepler telescope
found new hope ♪
In the Milky Way ♪
So why not try the cosmic sky ♪
For your next holiday? ♪
In fact, there's one that's super fun ♪
Just a few light‐years away ♪
Where one full year will disappear ♪
In 4.2 Earth days ♪
So if there's only one place ♪
You've got space and time to see ♪
Then be astounded
by the first we've found ♪
It's Planet Pegasi 51‐B ♪
But before you go, you oughta know ♪
It's kinda tough to get around ♪
Because the planet's really gassy ♪
There's no land or solid ground ♪
[gasps]
Clouds of methane meet sulfuric rain ♪
And when those are combined ♪
The air that you'll be breathing there ♪
Will smell like gas of another kind ♪
Gas no good?
Alright, gas isn't everyone's cup of tea.
That's fine.
But what about one with aliens?!
Lady and gentle‐boy,
I give you Kepler‐186F!
[ding]
Okay, I jest, I kinda guessed ♪
Whether E. T. s are alive ♪
But this hip spot has got the lot ♪
For aliens to live and thrive ♪
If there's water here,
it's crystal clear ♪
And not too hot or cold ♪
And it may contain amazing veins ♪
Of pure and flawless gold! ♪
But its sun is dying and amplifying ♪
All the harmful cosmic rays ♪
And the planet's visage
is forever barraged ♪
With all these brutal gamma waves ♪
If any E. T. s were alive,
none would survive ♪
The radiation ♪
So it'd be astute
to pack a hazmat suit ♪
For this hot
new destination ♪
Okay, so the radiation's
also a deal breaker, is it?
Okay, well it's good to know.
Hm
Alright! I got it!
And at lucky last, you can't look past ♪
This place that shouldn't be missed ♪
It's always sunny,
there's magic puppies ♪
And homework doesn't exist ♪
The sailing's dandy, the ocean's candy ♪
You can fly a broom ♪
But do not fear because the atmosphere ♪
Will smell like sweet perfume ♪
And astronomers claim that video games ♪
Have been built into every crater ♪
Why not play Asteroids all day ♪
And order pizza from an alien waiter ♪
Or try a shopping spree
'cause everything is free ♪
And bedtime's not till 11 ♪
WB‐1 ♪
The home of fun ♪
Well, come to ♪
Cosmic ♪
Heaven ♪
[dogs barking]
[sustains note]
[stops singing]
[ding]
‐ Magic puppies?
‐ Pizza?
‐ We're in!
‐ Sold!
‐ Question.
‐ Shoot.
‐ How do we get there?
‐ Aren't these planets
all billions of miles away?
‐ Oh Oh yeah.
Plus, I made that planet up.
But, you look like
the sort of fashionable folks
who would appreciate hair pants,
the only pants made from
the hair of balding men!
[thud, buzz]
Okay, okay. Maybe that's not for you.
I've got more!
Door of the Month Club!
A new door delivered
to your door every month!
[buzz]
Collapsible pitchfork!
For the rioter on the go!
[buzz]
Wireless kite! No! Wait!
[buzz]
Porcelain fish?
[buzz]
Pork yogurt!
All the meat at the bottom!
Stir and enjoy!
[buzz]
[Yakko groans]
[thunder cracks]
Pinky & The Brain theme song playing ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder cracks]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
♪
[zapping]
[yelling, grunting]
‐ Oh. Pinky! We're alive!
That was our greatest adventure yet
[slime whimpering]
‐ Remember the part
where the mutant robo‐gorilla
with cannon hands had us cornered,
and you were like,
"Pinky! Cut the red wire!"
And I was like,
"But they're all red wires, Brain!"
And then the blast threw us through
a plate glass window in slow motion!
‐ You know, when our time machine
split reality into random sequences,
I thought it would make the saga
too confusing to follow.
But if anything,
the way the multiple timelines
tied together was even more satisfying
than a linear chronology!
‐ And the side story with
the octopus love interest
coming back at the end?
What a twist!
‐ I don't think we'll ever
top that one, Pinky.
The rest of our plan is positively
boring by comparison!
♪
Nonetheless, we'd best proceed.
As you know, the goal of that mission was
to retrieve these.
The blueprints for Chump Tower.
Every year, the former "president"
hosts a summit of world
leaders on the top floor.
Using the skyscraper's schematics,
I will infiltrate said
summit and release
[whirring]
this.
‐ [gasps] Chanel number six!?
[Brain grunts]
The rumors are true!
‐ This isn't some overpriced
eau du toilette,
you malodorous malcontent.
It's the most potent nerve
agent known to mankind.
I've spent years
harvesting the ingredients,
and I've still only gathered
enough for a single "shpritz"!
Even so, it should be enough to render
approximately 1,000 humans
entirely suggestible to
my command for five minutes!
Just long enough to
convince every world leader
to sign over their nations
to me, The Brain!
[maniacal laughter]
PINKY: Wait!
Your name's "The Brain?"
Oh, I've been calling you
just plain old Brain
for all these years!
I'm so sorry, Brain.
I‐I mean, I'm so sorry, The Brain!
Wait! Am I The Pinky?
[beeping]
‐ All we need is an access point
to get inside Chump Tower.
I'd imagine a poorly secured
ventilation shaft should do the‐‐
[beep]
No, it seems they're onto that.
Well, no matter. I'm sure
the sewers beneath will provide ample room
for a pair of rodents to sneakily‐‐
[beep]
No, they've thought of that, too. Hm.
But, surely they haven't‐‐ [gasps]
[beep]
Oh my. [sighs]
[beep]
It's completely impenetrable!
That entire ordeal was for nothing.
‐ Not nothing, Brain.
I got to meet my evil tether.
He was so nice.
‐ Oh, come, Pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain?
What are we going to do‐‐ Oh.
Actually, hm,
tomorrow night's no good for me, Brain.
The Miss Everything Pageant is on.
‐ You watch that archaic,
retrograde, sexist drivel?
Oh, Pinky. I thought you were woke.
‐ It's not drivel, Brain.
It's the only beauty pageant
which is classy enough
to be held at Chump Tower itself.
‐ Chump Tower!?
Come, Pinky! We haven't a second to lose!
♪
[squawking]
[women scream]
[indistinct chatter]
[bird squawking]
[screams]
[woman yells]
‐ Ah!
‐ You! Clipboard jockey!
I need to get inside.
‐ Official entrance only. Next!
‐ No, no, no! Wait! I am an official! Um,
uh, I'm a pageant coach.
Yes! That will do.
From the very tiny island nation of
Nanonesia.
‐ You and me both, pal. If you're a coach,
where's your contestant?
‐ Uh, my contestant? Well, she's, um, uh‐‐
‐ Wowie, Brain!
You won't believe it!
They're giving out free cars
in the valet car park!
Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
‐ She's right here.
‐ I don't hear a thing.
‐ I'd say she has the requisite intellect
for a competition such as this, yes?
‐ Hm
‐ You and me both, pal.
Alright, get inside you two.
‐ Do you always start your
sentences with that phrase?
‐ "You and me both, pal?" Yeah.
Cut off an actual witch in traffic,
and she put a curse on me.
[traffic noise, horns blaring]
WITCH: You and me both, pal!
[cackling]
[nervously laughs]
[women screaming, grunt]
[ding]
♪
‐ Miss China!
Nothing could be fine‐a!
Miss France? May I have this dance?
[Miss France grunts]
Miss Bosnia and Herzegovina,
I would, but I've never been‐a! [laughs]
Miss, uh, oh
N‐Nanonesia?
We're on in an hour. [sighs] Make it work.
‐ But that one didn't even rhyme!
‐ One hour? How the devil am I
supposed to come up with a plan
to infiltrate the leaders' summit
on the top floor in one hour?
Listen to me, Pinky. I need you
to buy us more time.
You must survive these preliminary
rounds of the pageant,
or they're going to boot us out of here
before I can execute my scheme!
Now, I don't know much
about beauty pageants,
but I did absorb some lessons in
"paint by numbers glitz and glam"
from that Sandra Bullock movie
I half‐watched on the plane.
Speed 2, Cruise Control.
‐ Okay, Brain.
With your love and support,
I'm sure I can do it!
‐ Yes, well, let's hope you
can do it regardless.
Pageantry is 90% confidence, Pinky.
I want you to remember
these three simple steps.
Spray, spruce, spritz.
A spray of the hair
a spruce of the bangs
a spritz of perfume.
I'm now mentally primed and ready
to put forward my best self.
Now, let's see you do it.
‐ 'Kay [breathes deeply]
Spray
spruce
spritz.
[gagging]
[screaming]
Ah!
[gasps]
[grunts]
Ah! Zort!
[muffled yell, whimper]
[muffled grunt]
[shaky yell, gasping]
[zapping]
[screaming]
[gasping]
[yelling]
♪
‐ Good gracious, I'm good.
‐ Spray
spruce spritz.
Let's win this!
Ah!
[thud]
I'm ok‐‐ [grunts]
[sighs]
fanfare playing ♪
‐ And finally, Miss Nanonesia.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
‐ Oh, funny story.
I was actually just there,
and I was married to an octopus!
REGISTRAR:
You and me both, pal!
[sighs]
‐ It's still the best answer
we've had so far.
She's through.
‐ Congratulations, Miss Nanonesia!
[applause]
You're through to the final round!
♪
‐ I'll be joining you shortly,
world leaders.
I wonder what they're doing up there.
Something equal parts sophisticated
and nefarious, no doubt.
‐ [in Russian accent]:
Definitely Chris Hemsworth.
So, I guess I'd have to marry Chris Pratt,
and kill Chris Pine.
♪
Nyet! Don't actually kill him.
Is just game!
‐ Egad, Brain. The final round.
I don't know whether to narf or poit!
‐ Yes, Pinky, your performance has
been both adequate and passable.
‐ Oh! You really mean it?
‐ I do.
In making it this far,
you've bought me enough time
to formulate a plan
for reaching the leader's summit
on the top floor.
[beep]
I believe I'll be able to ascend
the glass exterior of Chump Tower
with these suction cups
I've fashioned out of
Miss Spain's contact lenses.
‐ Oh!
‐ You mean her eyes
aren't naturally purple?
‐ Next, I'll repel across
the series of chandeliers
using these climbing ropes I wove
from Miss Ethiopia's hair extensions.
‐ [gasps] But these have been illegal
since the Weave‐Gate Scandal of '97!
‐ Finally, I shall enter
the sprinkler system
and swim upward through the pipes
[beeping]
until I reach the summit,
drawing oxygen from
this discarded lipstick canister.
‐ Um, no offense, Brain, but I don't know
if you've got the volume to
pull off a shade as red as
"Battle‐Lip Potemkin."
[Pinky screams]
[body thuds]
[grunts]
‐ All I need you to do
is create a diversion,
so I can sneak out undetected.
♪
‐ Sure thing, Brain.
Oh, but just one thing.
What's a diversion? Oh no, no, no.
Is it like a B‐side?
'Cause my record producer said my album,
Narf Side of the Moon,
is all B‐sides!
And I have been meaning to drop
Poit Sounds soon, so
‐ No, Pinky. I need you to fail
the talent show segment
of the competition. Spectacularly.
‐ [gasps] Throw the talent show?
I won't do it, Brain. No. I refuse
to compromise my integrity.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
the Crazy Frog song
isn't going to play itself
on the wine glasses.
HOST: And now,
presenting the musical improv stylings
of Miss Nanonesia as
DJ Baby Boom Boom!
[crowd cheering]
‐ I wonder what he thinks integrity means.
[muffled yell]
[glasses shattering]
[crowd gasps]
[glasses continue breaking]
♪
[grunting]
[yelling]
‐ Narf!
[straining]
[grunting]
[crowd gasping]
[grunting]
[laughs nervously]
[grunts]
[sighs]
[yells]
[creaking]
‐ Nyah!
[laughs nervously] Phew.
♪
[water flowing]
[beeping]
[grunting]
[beeping]
[metallic banging]
[beeping]
[water rushing]
♪
[screaming]
Ho ho! A pride of Presidents,
Prime Ministers,
and pot‐bellied Parliamentarians
primed for the plucking!
[inaudible]
I've done it! Now,
I'll need you all to sign
this deed transferring control
of your nations.
Form a long line.
Something I'm sure you're
well‐practiced in, Maduro.
[laughs] Got him.
[glass shatters]
Now, there shouldn't be
Oh right. The nerve agent.
My apologies.
I command thee to forfeit your nations
to I, The Brain!
Or is it just "I, Brain?" Hm.
The Pinky really got
inside my head.
[laughter]
What the‐‐ [sniffs]
Lilac? Rose water?
A hint of sandalwood?
This is Pinky's perfume! But that means
I must've mixed up the vials!
‐ And the winner of
the Miss Everything Pageant is
‐ Oh Oh dear. I almost forgot.
Spray
spruce spritz!
Oh, please be me! Please,
make me Miss Everything! I really,
really, really, really want to win!
‐ Miss [sniffing]
[robotic]:
Nanonesia.
[crowd cheering]
‐ Yes!
‐ No!
♪
[laughing, crying]
‐ Thank you!
‐ Oh!
‐ Brain! I did it! After all these years,
I finally achieved my goal
of becoming the most beautiful
human woman on the planet!
♪
‐ Come, Pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why? What are we gonna
do tomorrow night?
Oh! Miss Teen Everything?
And before you say I'm too old to enter,
I'm only three!
‐ No, Pinky. The same thing
we do every night.
Try to take over the world!
Uh oh.
‐ Oh! The needlework on that sash
is to die for, darling!
You simply must give me
the name of your seamstress!
[whirring]
[screaming]
♪
♪
‐ Hi there. A lot of you
have written in to ask
why Animaniacs doesn't
have more new characters.
‐ The truth is we come up with
new characters all the time,
but most of them never
make it on the show.
‐ That's right, Dot.
And it's not because they're bad.
‐ It's because they're terrible.
‐ So, sit back and get uncomfortable.
Here are our first two
scrapped characters,
Mime and Meme.
[beep]
'80s sitcom‐like theme ♪
[beep]
‐ Meme and Mime, Mime and Meme ♪
Unlikely friendship, unstoppable team ♪
One trained in France ♪
One's made by teens ♪
Meme and Mime ♪
Mime and Meme ♪
[beep]
[buzzer]
‐ You're welcome, America!
‐ I thought that show had legs,
and I liked that 'cause so do I.
‐ This next one has
something to do with a butterfly
or something. Roll it!
[beep]
♪
[gasping]
[beeping]
[crying]
‐ Hey!
Why don't you get off your phone,
and look where you're going?
‐ I'm sorry. I'm just a
social butterfly!
[grunts]
So hangry.
Just ate the outer casing
of my gestation shell.
[beeping]
#hungergames.
‐ You're young and beautiful and alive!
[typing, beeping]
Why you gotta look at
that phone all the time?
‐ OMG!
That was a total trigger
without a warning.
‐ Here's another one, sweetheart!
[buzzer]
‐ I can't believe people
got paid to draw that.
‐ And people got paid to
draw us making commentary
about how people got paid to draw that.
‐ It is a Möbius strip of mediocrity.
‐ I liked the old lady.
‐ Wakko, your comments
are almost as useless
as our next batch of rejected characters.
[beep]
‐ Well, we finally did it.
We've gone completely paperless.
Even the toilet paper is digital now.
[man whimpering]
♪
‐ Oh no!
The humans don't need us anymore.
‐ What are we gonna do?
‐ Uh, uh, guess we gotta
start a band.
punk rock music ♪
[buzzer]
‐ Wow! That took a weird turn.
‐ Yeah! I thought the binder
would be on bass.
‐ Well, you know what they say.
One man's trash is also our trash.
‐ Ooh! Is that the emoji for movie?
‐ Yes, sir. It's a film reel.
We're using it to create
the illusion of artistic integrity.
‐ "Flooded by global warming,
the North Pole must evolve.
"This Christmas, only one man
will decide who's naughty
or nice: Aqua‐Claus."
[beep]
♪
[gunfire]
[roaring]
[snarls]
‐ Ho ho, hope you can swim!
‐ Oh bah humbug.
[screaming]
‐ Looks like sea levels
aren't the only thing rising.
Ho ho ho!
[bells jingling]
[buzzer]
[distraught yelling]
‐ I gotta know what happens to Aqua‐Claus!
Does he save Christmas?
‐ Yeah! I actually liked that one!
‐ Well, that just goes to
show how difficult it is
to meet the high standards
we've set on Animaniacs.
‐ Characters that make it
into the show must be
dynamic, relatable, and also complex.
‐ Like me! I'm always hungry!
‐ And I yak?
‐ And I'm a girl!
‐ Well, that's it for now.
‐ Tune in next time when we have
another five minutes to kill,
and we'll show you other
rejected characters like
Gerry Mander, the salamander.
[buzzer]
WAKKO: Juan Percent, the salsa tycoon.
[buzzer]
YAKKO: And Pinocchio the Press Secretary.
[buzzer]
It's outrageous and topical!
Good night, everybody!
ALL:
Words words words words words words
♪
♪