Axe Cop (2013) s02e06 Episode Script

Well, I can't wait to Breaking news.
Axe Cop has been elected president of the world.
I am now president of the world.
And as such, I will make up some new laws.
Axe Cop, what kind of laws? Anyone that steals money Now gets the amount they stole dropped on them in change.
Axe Cop, is your speech over yet? No, last night, I prayed to god.
And he told me there will be 1 million years of peace on Earth.
President Axe Cop, how do you feel knowing you'll probably never have to - chop a bad guy's head off again? - Bored.
One day, at the scene of the fire, the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! Oh! There's nothing to do.
I guess there is a downside to a million years of peace.
There is no one left to fight.
Wrong! I can fight animals at the fighting ZOO.
The fighting ZOO is a ZOO where they let you fight the animals.
The animals are all very good fighters.
Crying? Fighting elephants don't cry.
Oh no.
This is not a fighting ZOO.
It's the normal ZOO.
I am going to the oval office and never coming out ever again! _ I'm really worried about President Axe Cop.
He hasn't left his room in months.
Oh! Madam first lady Abraham Lincoln, - you look ravishing.
- How's the president? I wouldn't know.
He doesn't talk to his wife anymore! I only married you to escape boredom! Now I'm just bored in a different way.
Fine, I'm going back to my own time and turning back into a man.
She's just going to the mall.
- She does this all the time.
- Oh, good, you're gonna sweep.
No, just taking it for another spin.
I think President Axe Cop has finally lost it.
Uh, Mr.
President, we need you in the gold garden.
- I can't hear you.
I'm flying.
- Aw, come on, buddy.
There are some important world leaders down there.
And they have presents for you.
Presents? Mr.
President, may I present the great wizard Artist Rabbit? I have traveled all the way from the beach to Where is my present? - A pencil that makes me look tiny? - It's a magic pencil.
Anything you draw with it comes to life.
Hot chocolate, a fancy hat, laughing children.
I will draw a giant bad guy and then kill it before it kills Flute Cop.
Ha! I'll chop your - Aw! Drawing is hard.
- President Axe Cop, Jr.
Cobbb here from the planet of talking gorillas.
- Present, gimme.
- I don't have one.
- Ugh! - I came here because I need your help.
A brilliant Evil Scientist has kidnapped my true love.
I need you to go to talking gorilla planet with me and kill the brilliant Evil Scientist.
But that doesn't make any sense.
God said there would be a million years of peace.
He said a million years of peace on Earth.
Not on talking gorilla planet.
Uh! Now punch the ground super hard.
It'll launch us into space.
Do not touch my presents.
I'll know if you do.
Finally, I am not bored! Jr.
Cobbb, where is the brilliant Evil Scientist? - He is over there.
- I know where that is.
I think I can pick the lock.
I got a better idea.
Check this out.
H'ya! Ho-ho-ho-ho! - Brilliant Evil Scientist.
- Axe Cop.
I'll chop your head off! Ha'! - Jr.
Cobbb, my axe! - I did what you asked, Evil Scientist.
I brought you Axe Cop.
- Jr.
Cobbb, you're a bad guy? - I had no choice.
The brilliant Evil Scientist has my true love.
But I thought you were my new best friend.
You thought that because you're dumb, just like everyone on Earth.
You're dumb! And my brain is so smart that everyone's stupidity causes me tremendous brain pain! But now that I've brilliantly tricked you here, I can execute my genius plan.
- Which is? - Kill you, replace you with a robot, and send it to Earth, where it will kill everyone! And then I will know sweet brain peace.
One problem.
You can't kill me.
Oh, I'm not going to kill you, dummy.
- Axe Cop is going to kill you.
- Not if I kill me first! Ha! Ow! Go ahead, evil robot Axe Cop, chop off real Axe Cop's stupid head.
There, he is dead.
Now let Maurice go.
Don't be stupid.
I killed Maurice.
And now I have to kill you.
_ Grey, did you see this? A million years of peace ends today.
Huh, time flies, huh? Apparently, they're having a big countdown party all over the world.
What are you doing?! Look at what the Rainbow Princess gave Axe Cop.
- It's a hot plate! - Are you insane?! Did you open all of President Axe Cop's presents?! No.
Now I did.
All right! Another hot plate! Ooh la la.
This one's from France.
Are you trying to get our heads chopped off?! Because I like my head right where it is, slap dab between my shoulders.
- President Axe Cop! - You opened my presents.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
We'll rewrap them.
I swear.
Thank you.
Now I must go give a big speech for the end-of-peace countdown party.
See you there, fat guy and jewel hat.
Huh, I could have sworn he knew our names.
We've just gotten word that President Axe Cop has joined the celebration.
Let's go live to hear what the best president ever has to say.
Earth, I am Axe Cop, president of the world.
World peace is about to end.
Many, many, many bad guys are coming to kill us.
And I won't be able to chop off all their heads.
- You are doomed.
- Axe Cop, is your speech over yet? No.
There is only one thing we can do.
Everyone has to open their kitchen drawers, pull out their favorite knife, and stab themselves in the chest.
I love you! I don't know.
Something doesn't feel right about this.
Dude, this is Axe Cop, okay? He's never steered us wrong before.
I say we stab ourselves in the chest.
Yes! Yes! They're doing it! They're all going to stab themselves because they're all so stupid! Axe Cop would never tell people to stab themselves.
He'd chop their heads off himself.
Unless 54, 53, 52 That's not Axe Cop! - Not so fast, dummy! - Brilliant Evil Scientist?! You're too late, Flute Cop.
The real Axe Cop is already dead.
And soon, thanks to my robot Axe Cop, All the other idiots on Earth will be dead too.
W-Wait a minute.
What's that? - What? Did I lean on something? - There's a note pinned to your back.
Oh, it's for me from Axe Cop.
Dear Evil Scientist, when my head gets chopped off, it just climbs back on.
It is one of my favorite things about myself.
I brought Jr.
Cobbb back to life using a health potion.
As punishment for helping a bad guy, - I made Jr.
Cobbb give me $5.
- Aww.
He told me your evil plan.
I told him you already told me.
And then I spent the next one million years teaching myself how to draw.
After that, I used my magic pencil to draw a second Earth in space.
I named it _ I relocated every single person to Earth 2.
Then I drew a factory that made bomb copies of everyone on Earth.
They look like people, but are set to detonate when they get stabbed.
Then I wrote this note and pinned it onto Flute Cop.
Looks like you're about to explode.
Signed, Axe Cop.
Ah, bomb people.
Axe Cop, that is brilliant.
9, 8, 7 Oh, you're kidding me.
Flute twirl! Stab.
We did it, bros, the Evil Scientist and Earth 1 are dead.
And a million years of peace is over.
So I'll never be bored again.
Um, Axe Cop? Why did you leave me on Earth - with all those dumb bomb copies? - Hey, what am I doing here? So I was a bomb copy the whole time? - Yes.
- But why do I have feelings, memories? Because I'm really good at drawing.
Oh, I get it now.
Well, I guess I'll go see what that sunset's all about.
We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain we jumped never asking why we kissed, I fell under your spell a love no one could deny I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love