Back to Life (2019) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Hi, Miri. I've got it.
It's amazing!
He could have been a top surgeon on
Harley Street
raking it in by now.
I never wanted that.
You should be proud of him,
and stop being a such a
If you really want your wife back,
you need to work hard.
It takes time to forgive someone
properly.
He was the Chief Inspector, Miri
It's me - Tina.
Tuna? ..and you're the town criminal
with a grudge to bear.
They're coming for you first.
You need to go to the police, Mandy.
The police can come to me
if they want me.
FUCK! Fuck. FUCK!
I'm bad news, Billy.
I think you're a good egg,
who's had some bad luck.
And you find yourself
on a beautiful beach
on a warm summer's day.
Oh, Geri, where are you?
You can hear the waves lapping
gently against the shore
..washing over your worries
and taking them away.
This is a safe space.
Your special place.
Nothing can hurt you here.
Hi, this is Mandy.
I can't get to the phone right now.
Please leave a message.
Mandy, it's me. Erm
I can't do this.
I can't keep waiting for someone
to come and get me
for something that I didn't do,
so I am giving you this morning to
do the right thing and to go down
to the police station and to tell
them the truth about what happened.
Or, well, I'm going to have to go in
and do that for you.
Aargh! Aah! Get out! Ow!
Ow! Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean
to How did you?
You gave me some keys.
Oh, yeah. So sorry.
Your flippers are strong.
Arm wrestling. Prison.
Really? Champion.
Wow! I did not know that about you.
Well, hello, Miri. Hi!
..to go down to the police
station and to tell them
the truth about what happened or
Well, I'm going to have to go in
and do that for you.
Thank you.
Last night was
That thing you did
with my perineum
Right, the girls need
their breakfast, Mark. On it. Yes.
Hey! Guess what's just arrived.
Only the best waffle maker
on the market.
That's brekkie sorted.
Sorry, I'm still,
I'm still a bit asleep.
Billy, I'm trying to say
that the last time
I saw her was in the lighthouse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, fucking hell! Fuck!
Oh!
If they figure out where it happened
and find Geri,
they'll think I killed him.
So I, um, I told Mandy
that if she doesn't tell the truth,
then, I will.
But they won't believe you.
Right! Oh, God! Sorry.
Sorry. But we are not going to mope.
OK. There are things that I haven't
done yet but I've longed to do,
and this
this could be our last day.
Don't. Well, morning. Please.
Together. No, no.
And my last moments of freedom.
Stop it. It could be. It could be.
So we are going to make it AMAZING.
Oh, yeah. We're going to have fun.
OK.
Darlings! Oh, God.
Don't you both look adorable?!
How's my boy?
Oh, you are so scrawny.
Oh. He was such a fat little boy.
And hairy. Like a furball.
I'm joking.
Erm, I'm so sorry about
Those cheeks.
Oh. Mum, what are you doing here?
I was just passing by,
erm, wanted to see you.
Again, I amI'm so sorry
No need.
No, but I am,
because it was your birthday.
60th. Yeah, and I totally
Called me a cunt?
Water under the bridge.
Right, Mum, er
Er, Miri and I, we're actually go
You're not! No, but we are.
That is so weird!
So am I! What are the chances?!
What? You're going to the? Yeah.
You like al Love.
But you hate all I don't.
But are you actually going? Yes.
That's where I was going.
I was just on my way.
Oh. Let's go together! Great.
Was that Miri?
They've just driven off in convoy
with Billy's mother.
Very glamorous woman.
Oh? I heard she's hard work.
Don't panic, darling,
she's not my type.
She's no Jane Fonda.
I can't imagine her
protesting about anything.
Are you in disguise?
No. I don't want my hair
to get litter in it.
You do WANT to help, don't you,
Caroline?
I do. I do.
Let's make Hythe green.
Clean.
Oh! Oh, thanks.
Ah!
I can't believe we're actually here!
Are you happy? Yeah.
I've always loved them, but I've
never seen them up close before.
Wonderful!
My littlefurry friends!
Just, er,
just pretend she's not here. Yeah.
Love llamas. Alpacas.
What's the difference?
Er, shorter ears, different hair,
size. All right
Completely different temperaments.
Yeah, all right, calm down.
I really, really love alpacas.
Sorry.
It's all right. She's your mum.
It's important.
Welcome! Oh! Hi!
Oh, we only have two booked
for the trek.
Well, now you have three!
Oh, right.
Erm Yes!
We're not normally open
at this time of year,
but when I heard it was you,
I screamed.
Oh, no, with excitement -
I wasn't frightened. Good.
Big fan.
You're going to love Mimi.
Mimi, meet Miri.
Hi, Mimi.
Oh, she looks a bit like you.
Doesn't she? She does!
Big eyes.
Strong fringe.
Locked up in a pen.
Caroline! I've found a vessel!
ALPACA HUMS
Yeah, tell me about it, sister.
Alpacas are herd animals.
Not really good at being alone.
Well, I suppose
YOU'RE used to being alone.
From men.
Mum, I'd appreciate it if you'd
No. No, no.
Your girlfriend insulted me
at my 60th birthday party in front
of all my family and friends.
And now I'm here, on my best
behaviour,
walking a camel just so I can get
to know her better. It's alpaca!
Well, they are related. Cos she sure
as hell seems to think she knows me.
I DON'T think I know you. I just
didn't like
how you spoke to your son.
I imagine some people didn't
particularly like
how you murdered that girl.
Ah! I did.
Christ, Mum!
You only just got out of a marriage
to a woman who sent shit in a box.
And the day after she dies,
you hook up with a serial killer.
I am not a serial killer! Christ!
A serial killer is a person
who commits a series of murders,
often with no apparent motive,
and typically
following a characteristic,
predictable behaviour pattern.
Thank you! Only, they did just find
that old policeman in the sea.
What policeman? What has she done
now? Nothing! I have done nothing!
For God's sake, Mum!
Why are you here?!
Please keep your voice down. Sorry.
This is an intervention!
Could you intervene in a whisper,
please?
An intervention for what?
This!
Mum, what are you doing?
I cannot let you
waste your life
on yet another terrible toxic
relationship.
Much better. But you don't even
know her!
Sh, you are upsetting Mimi.
She talks about herself
in the third person, Billy.
The woman's a narcissist!
No, THIS is Mimi! I am Miri!
Really?
I couldn't tell the difference.
Will you just stop it?!
She is scheming
and manipulative and domineering.
You're literally describing
yourself!
She's turned you against me,
just like the last one
You, you, you,
YOU turned me against you!
Now, leave her alone!
Just stop it, guys!
Enough! All I wanted was a nice
morning with Billy and
Urgh! Just
It was a stupid idea. No, Miri!
Oh! Come on, Mimi.
It's ok.
Thanks a lot, Mum. What?
Righto, in you hop! What?
Well, you're smaller than me.
You can dig around and pass me
anything that should
rightfully be in recycling.
Are you asking me
to climb into a bin?
I'll give you a boost.
Stop it! Oscar, stop it!
Oh, for God's sake, stop it, Oscar!
Why?
What will people think?
Caroline, currently they think
you're a 67-year-old woman
with chlamydia
and a murderer for a daughter.
And those witches hate you again,
anyway.
But, right now, for the very
first time in your life,
you're doing something wonderful
for the world,
and you're still worried
about what people think of you?
You're a prisoner of your own
vanity. No, I'm not!
Yes, you are. Set yourself free!
Imagine what that might feel like
to not give a flying fuck
about all that crap.
Because I don't! Oscar,
you're being a twat!
A twat!
Yes! But I'm a twat with a purpose,
and it feels wonderful!
Oh, go home and hide,
like you always do.
We could have had fun together!
Thank you, Caroline!
Right.
Back in your cage, then, Miri -
oh, Mimi!
You look so alike. Uncanny.
Miri?
Come on, it's time. No.
No, sheshe has to go back in now.
But she hasn't done anything wrong.
Go! Run! Be free!
Oh.
They don't do well out of captivity.
Well, how do you know? She might.
They get overwhelmed.
But she hasn't had a chance!
Miri
Well, maybe she'd do amazingly.
Maybe she'dhold down a job
and have a nice relationship
with some sexual activity.
Eventually.
And maybe one day she'd go to
one of those islands and she'd lie
on white sand eating sushi,
cos she hasn't even tried sushi yet.
Oh, for God's sake.
Lock her up.
Thank you.
Wonderful day.
For God's sake!
What are you looking at?!
Keep Hythe clean, you dirty bastard!
Oh, oh, oh!
Hello, Laura.
Rubber ducks that sank
off the Isle of Wight
have been spotted floating across
the English Channel on their own.
Tina! Look who it is.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
I didn't assault her.
She was assaulting the planet!
Yes, she was! And she deserved it.
Mm, two criminals in the same
family? You're just like the Wests.
Oh, do what you want with me.
I honestly do not give
a flying fuck!
Charming.
Rich, take her to cell three now.
Come on. I'm going with her!
That was fun.
Jane Fonda, eat your heart out.
Hi, this is Mandy. Can't HANGS UP
No? No.
It might be fine.
They might believe me.
You don't have to do this.
Oh. Have you got any Funny Faces?
Oh, shit. Hi! No.
Sorry. Oh.
I'm on Daddy Day-care.
The, the twins are feral.
Can you help?
Fuck off, Dom.
Oh. Fuck off.
Please.
No, no, put that down.
Your mum will freak!
We could just go. Now.
Get out of here.
I'm sorry, Billy,
but the truth is all I've got.
Hey! Chin up, Buster.
You've given me some life
these past six weeks.
You've made me
..happy, and I haven't felt that.
I'll, erm, I'll wait for you.
If it all goes wrong.
I will fucking kill you
if you wait for me.
Sorry. Sorry,
but you are not allowed to do that.
I'm pretty loyal. It's like a
problem I have. Not this time.
No! Well, you met my wife.
It's a genuine issue.
Yes.
But you're free from that now,
and you've got an ice-cream van.
The world's yours.
I think you're my person.
I really think you are.
SHE SPLUTTERS
Oh, God! No
I take it back!
That's disgusting.
Yeah, I'm disgusting.
Come here.
OK.
Oh
Hi, I'm Miri Matteson,
and I need to sp
Oh, we know who you are. Take a
seat. Tina's just with someone. OK.
Anyways, mate. Sushi.
This some sort of special
I love it, bro. Honestly, mate.
A bit of wasabi. Yeah? Mm!
Just avoid the crabsticks. Yeah?
Well, it's not even crab at all.
How come? Someone told me.
It's just fish blended together.
Guts, skin, bone.
Ah, disgusting!
The rice don't
# I've got a smelly dick
A smelly, smelly dick. #
Shut it, Philip.
Yeah, she just turned up
like a sad, little mouse.
All that loss
and, and now I've got to tell her
Just do it. It's part of the job.
Yes, boss.
Sorry.
Erm.
Hi. Mrs
Norah. Mrs Norah.
I'm afraid we found
your husband's
..body corpse,
in the sea.
I'm so sorry, Mrs Norah.
But he was -
well, and still is -
dead.
I think you better turn that on.
No biggie.
Moral support. Thanks.
# I've got a smelly dick. #
Yes, you do, my friend.
Are you OK?
Hm.
Oddly enough, this isn't exactly
how I planned my life.
Do you know what I wanted
for MY life?
I thought I'd rescue loads of dogs.
Take care of them.
It didn't work out.
I'm a riddle, me.
That's probably why you became
a probation officer, right?
No.
Oh, fucking hell.
But
Why did you do it?
He was a bully.
I didn't like him very much.
This is what I was wearing.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like to go to the loo.
Yeah, yeah. OK, fine.
Er, thatthat was Mrs Boback,
er
..confessing
..to me, to the murder
of her husband.
To me.
Huh!
Oh-huh-ha-huh!
I got one!
Pssst. Rich!
Rich? Rich!
Rich!
Oh, I've got some jam tarts
in my bag.
Jam tarts.
So much crap in here.
What have I got in here now?
Let me see.
Thank you ever so much!
We're free!
Mum? Dad? Wh?
What? I'm not allowed to leave
the front desk.
Guess who just got a confession
for the murder of Mr Boback.
Who? Me!
OK.
It was his wife. Oh, shi-i-it!
Where is she now?
She's weeing. Because, you know,
old people wee a lot.
You let her go on her own?
Yeah. You just let her walk out?
Yeah. After confessing a murder?
Yeah. But she's old,
she wouldn't do anything bad.
Released under caution.
Your mother made a marvellous stand.
It was quite something.
Sorry, what are you doing here?
Miri Matteson. Come with me.
What's happened? I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Is everything OK? Miri?
It didn't take YOU long, did it?
They won't let you out again.
They don't take kindly
to second offences.
Especially
when you kill a Chief Inspector.
HIGH-PITCHED BEEP
She's not in the loo, Rich!
She's not in the loo!
Did you see her? Mrs Norah.
She's gone! She just confessed
to murdering Chief Inspector John.
She's a murderess. Right, everybody,
out. Out!
Everybody, clear the building!
She's gone!
Tina, you idiot!
"Rich! Rich! Rich! Rich! Rich!"
Now what are we going to do?!
Well, get the fucking car! Go!
Oh, my God! I can't remember
her face! What's her face like?
Yeah, the world's your oyster, girl.
Well, apart from Wednesdays at 9am.
Now, you go get him, Fido!
Erm, I've got to
Go. Of course. Love you guys.
What just happened?
I don't really know.
What? Got any Screwballs?
Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
What?
I'm off the hook.
What?
What? Yeah.
OK.
Where are we going?
We're not going home.
OK.
Let's just drive.
Let's leave this fucking town.
Yeah, but I don't have any pants.
No, neither do I.
Well, apart from the ones
that I'm Yeah. Me too.
We can buy pants. We can.
And we can sleep in this van
if we need to.
Yeah. Yeah. OK.
What about the supermarket?
Oh, fuck the supermarket. Yeah.
What about your mum?
Oh, fuck my mum! What about Janice?
Fuck Jan Oh, no. No,
I-I do actually have to see Janice.
OK. OK.
Hey?
Are you ready?
Come on!
# Long afloat
on shipless oceans #
It's for Miri.
I love you.
# I did all my best to smile
# Till your singing eyes
and fingers #
# Drew me loving to your isle #
# And you sang
Sail to me, sail to me
# Let me enfold you
# Here I am, here I am
# Waiting to hold you #
Ha, it's a duck!
Stop! Stop. What, what, what?
I want to drive this bit.
All right, give us that.
Right, good.
Come on. Ready? Yes!
Oh! Oh!
Sorry! One sec.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
# Swim to me
Let me enfold you
# Here I am, here I am
# Waiting to hold you. #