Better Late Than Never (2016) s02e06 Episode Script
Madrid - Matador Training
1 Europe [BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO.
5".]
Birthplace of Western civilization and a world of unparalleled culture and sophistication.
[LAUGHTER.]
They're back.
Didn't travel all the way over here to be boring.
- Let's go.
- [HORN HONKS.]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! [LYNDSAY BUCKINGHAM'S "HOLIDAY ROAD".]
Four living legends.
Ow, that's right in my toosh.
Saddle up again for a European adventure they'll never forget.
I am a new man.
Starring TV superstar What a great dinner.
Henry Winkler.
Cultural icon It is a better quality rug, I tell you.
William Shatner.
NFL Hall of Famer Two thumbs up! Terry Bradshaw.
What is wrong with you? Former heavyweight champion Yes, yes, yes.
George Foreman.
- I feel like a Jedi.
- And [SINGING.]
Jeff Dye as The Sidekick.
- Tonight - Buenos dias, Spain! Madrid.
Madrid is an ancient city.
Look at this.
Go, look at the footwork.
Oh, wow.
I know why women wear dresses now.
This feels pretty good.
Is the matador gonna put his penis away before he teaches George? Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
You're a terrible matador.
Better late - What is it? - Testicles.
[GAGS.]
Than never.
- Oh, what is on the - [THUDS.]
- Oh! - Oh, Jesus, George! [HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Today we're leaving Barcelona and on to Madrid.
Or as they say in Spanish, Madrid.
Barcelona was wonderful.
And we loved it.
- Now to the next adventure.
- Madrid.
Known for culture, elegance, great food, bullfights.
There's so much to do, and I don't wanna miss any of it.
Have you seen Henry? But Henry, it looks like he's gonna miss all of it.
Wait for me! Faster, faster! - I'm gonna miss him in Madrid.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay, come on.
Hurry.
Hey, Henry! Come on, Henry! Madrid! Let's go.
- Vamanos! - You speak Spanish? No.
Goodbye, Barcelona.
This is beautiful Madrid.
- - - All right.
- Madrid.
- Madrid! - Capital of Spain.
- Home of - Bullfighting.
- I'm gonna bullfight.
- You wanna go? - Great food.
- That great tomato on toast.
Oh, yeah.
The great tomato.
- Wow.
- Hmm.
Getting me hungry.
- How do you know all this? - Settled by the Moors.
The Moors? This is a city filled with life and cuisine.
The cuisine of Madrid is world-renowned.
And I can't wait to get at it.
I don't know any of the things.
You guys gotta stop running through them so fast.
- Well, Madrid is the capital.
- Okay.
Okay, all the Parliament the King the King lives here.
- - [GASP, SCREAM.]
All right, let's decide what we're gonna do.
Oh, boy.
First of all Well, first thing is George and I are gonna sit down.
- That's what - I'm with you guys.
I am with you.
It's hard to get these old dogs moving.
So I planned a little something to bring the culture to them.
I'll be back.
It's time for us to do something traditionally Spanish.
Hola, amigo.
Before we got here, I looked up some Spanish traditions.
And one of my favorite ones is a huge tomato fight.
- - [CHEERING.]
And I wanted to get back at Bill for that weird Russian KGB prison thing.
[SLAMMING.]
Oh, my God.
How much for the lot? - Como? - All of your tomatoes, please.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Deal.
- Oh, si? - Yeah, Si.
- It's going down.
- And, uh, hold it.
- Tomato.
- Wow.
- Welcome to Spain, boys! [SCREAMING.]
[PITBULL'S "FIREBALL".]
- [SCREAMS.]
- What are you doing? What are you doing? You're not gonna get me in that.
- Oh! - Hey, toss some here.
Oh, God, he got me in the nuts! - Hey! - Yes! I say I saw I conquered I came They say the Chico on fire and he no liar Oh, it's me! You son of a bitch! - Me, I'm your - Be nice! - Oh! - Ow! I seriously could not hit Bill.
Not me! I'm four feet away, and I miss him.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Fireball Steeler fans are going, "Of course you missed him.
You weren't that accurate when you played for us.
" [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Ah Oh! Is this how they make salsa? Welcome to Madrid.
What kind of tradition is this? Hey, do we need to pick these tomatoes up? - This can't be good.
- Come on, Terry! You know, we've stayed at some weird places because of Jeff.
This time, I decided to step in.
There's a place in Madrid I decided is gonna benefit us all.
- [BELL RINGS.]
- What you boys need is some church.
I've been hearing that my whole life, George.
I'm taking these barbarians to a monastery.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
- - [DING.]
[SNORING.]
I didn't know you were allowed to sleep at church.
- This is beautiful.
- This is gonna be fun.
Give you some robes.
- Thank you.
- Appreciate it, brother.
Sleep here? I don't know about that.
That's kinda scary, 'cause I think in these kind of places, they bury their people under the floor, right? It's about time you guys had a Sunday school lesson.
[WESTERN MUSIC.]
I know why women wear dresses now.
This feels pretty good.
I feel like a Jedi.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
Follow me, follow me.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Gorgeous.
- This is beautiful.
- Look, look.
- Oh.
- Can't sleep here.
You know what I watch on the computer late at night? This place is awesome.
[MELODIC CHANTING.]
[ALL CHANTING.]
[SHUSHES.]
Hey, hey, guys.
[ALL CHANTING.]
True patriot love Horrible singers.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- Hold it, guys.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
- Welcome.
- ALL: Thank you.
- Thank you for visiting us.
- Excuse me, sir.
You're so low, I can't hear you.
He's old, his Is he talking very low, or am I hard of hearing? - I think it's both.
- What'd you say? - I think it's both.
- Oh, thank you.
Welcome to the House of Love.
And the House of Silence, yes.
Rabbi, I am not good at that.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Not a Rabbi.
The rule is simple.
When the candle is lit, it's the time of silence.
Time of silence.
I like being quiet, like, for very short periods of time.
Not, like, a candle worth.
In silence, you can find the peace.
- Be quiet.
- Because in that way, you can heal your soul.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
If you're not quiet, you will be punished.
In this life, or in the other life? In this life, of course.
- And in the other one.
- Oh.
Well, I just think it's weird that you'll be punished in this life and the next life.
- Seems unfair.
- [SHUSHES.]
It's not so difficult.
Please.
ALL: Please.
Yeah, I'm trying Yes, I will.
- They'll never make it.
- I'll make it.
These guys don't think I can take a vow of silence and really mean it.
I really can take a vow of silence.
I vow to be silent.
See, I can take the vow of silence.
I don't need any external help.
There's no need to have words or conversation.
I'm vowing to be silent right now.
See? I can take that vow.
I'm going to light the candle.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC.]
Light a match.
How about looking forward to the silence? Now, yes.
One, two, three.
[NECK CRACKING.]
[SHUSHES.]
- Can I take a picture? - [SHUSHES.]
I won.
- We have a second try.
- Oh, boy.
On vacation! Are you kidding me? A vow of silence.
Ha! Okay, now the candle is lit, so we have to be quiet.
- [SHUSHES.]
- Be quiet, guys.
We're doing it again, Father? You will learn.
Papa, I will be phenomenal this time.
[SIGHS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- Jeff, geez.
- It's not mine.
I know, but - Oh, man.
- That's funny.
Oh, this poor monk.
Now he can see what I have to deal with.
All right.
Enough for today.
- What'd he say? - He said, "Shut up.
" It's time to go.
Is he mad? This guy really looks tense.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Boys.
- I'm hungry, are you hungry? Yeah, it's about lunch time.
[DA DIGGLER & DADDY P & SPIKE T'S "MAMASITA (VOX)".]
We got you jumping like oh oh Mamasita say oh oh The cuisine in Madrid is one of a kind.
Now that we're out of that silence retreat, I am taking the guys to one of the unique exclusive dining experience in the world.
It's a youthful, creative restaurant, and it'll inspire us to be young.
- Would you look at this? - You've got a suitcase.
What kind of place is this? Look like some science laboratory.
But apparently this is a must-try restaurant.
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
- - This is their tasting station.
It is unique.
So the food is made in a different way.
And what is that like? All very scientific.
Molecular gastronomy.
Science has entered the world of culinary arts.
If this doesn't impress these guys, I don't know what else will.
I've even arranged to meet the great chef, Paco Roncero.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Paco, let me ask you a question.
- You are the chef.
- Yes, I am the chef.
- - We had a guy named Willard Elks in Cedar Grove.
[LAUGHS.]
And What? I can imagine.
- Willard Oaks.
- Elks.
Willard Oaks.
No, no, no, I wanna hear about Just wait a minute.
We have to hear about Willard Oaks.
Elks.
- Willard Elks.
- Elks.
- At the Elks Lodge.
- Right.
- He was the key chef there.
- [LAUGHS.]
Willard Elks was actually the first one in the South to come with how to do possum on a stick.
- Is that true? - Willard Elks.
Terry and his idiotic chef cooking road kill, he's embarrassing! Listen, we're gonna starve if you keep talking to these guys.
Okay.
Oh, I don't believe it.
But when he said theatrical meal, - he wasn't kidding.
- No.
He's a bullfighter, that dude.
People die here.
Well, here's how I die.
Danger.
- Oh, what is on the - There's a zombie outside.
It's coming this way! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [EXCITING MUSIC.]
This is the most incredible restaurant I've ever been in.
Well, it certainly is different than anything - I've ever seen before.
- Yeah.
- Just the presentation - It makes it fun, doesn't it? Yeah, that's the perfect word.
- It's a fun restaurant.
- I Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
Pizza flown in from Italy on a hot air balloon.
Incredible.
What more could you want? Bigger pizzas.
Real pizzas.
Not not tiny pi I mean, it's food, Bill.
Food.
I could have 7,000 more pizzas.
Can we have more of that? Still hungry.
He's gonna freeze the olive oil? It's 196 degrees below zero.
Wow.
Oh, it's all over my pants.
This is great.
And it's olive oil.
The texture's to, like, a foam.
[HISSING.]
- Wow.
- - Liquid nitrogen on olive oil.
- [LAUGHS.]
Why hadn't I thought of that? That sounds delicious! My tongue hurts a little.
There you go.
- Look at him.
- [LAUGHS.]
Bill looks like a Brahma bull.
- Orangey.
- Orange.
- Cold.
- [COUGHS.]
- Delicious.
- These people are nuts.
What's next, Paco? Oh, my God.
That is amazing.
- Just pick it right out.
- Uh-oh.
As great chefs will tell you, the presentation is everything.
George, grab that.
Ooh, uh Missed it, missed it.
Oh.
Food is presented as an art form as well.
Bill took all the good stuff.
Hey, Bill, hey.
I'm hungry, too.
[CRUNCHING.]
It's extraordinary.
Paco, this has, uh been quite an experience.
Thank you.
Great place to bring your wife, you know? The only thing is, George, it's $2,000 a person.
Well, this isn't a very nice place to bring your wife.
[LAUGHTER.]
[GUITAR MUSIC.]
- - I wanna learn about all of the Spanish traditions.
But I think the coolest one would be bullfighting.
He's a bullfighter, that dude.
That's a good look, isn't it? - Yeah, I could do this.
- Oh, yeah.
- I set it up.
- Yes.
I got it all worked out.
You are gonna fight a bull.
- Authentic bullfighting.
- That's it, Jack.
- This is - Give me a finger snap.
- Real Spain, baby.
- There it is! There's blood in the ground here.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- - - Hello, there.
ALL: Hola.
- Gracias.
- Thanks for having us.
- Translation? - Welcome to the - Esto.
- Esto, this place? We are ridiculous.
We look like mariachis.
I'll admit it.
I picked the outfits out, okay? Mariachi, matador, both start with a "m".
I just got the rest of it screwed up.
[LAUGHS.]
- That's rude.
- No, shh.
Yeah, he's funny.
He's funny.
He doesn't mean anything.
He's just funny.
- [SHUSHES.]
- Okay, fine.
He here is the maestro, or the teacher.
We're gonna learn to be toreros.
- Respect.
- Si.
- People die here.
- Si.
- [EXCITING MUSIC.]
- - - I'm gonna El Gande.
- El Georgeo.
- He's been retaining a little fluid lately, so be careful with him.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, guys, look.
You're about to get some great demonstration.
Is the matador gonna put him penis away before he teaches George? - El grande! - [RAMBLING IN FAKE SPANISH.]
Look at that thing.
They say you've gotta have big cojones to fight a bull.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
Uh, the matador is a symbol of courage.
Of masculinity.
Of being a man.
Now, that guy really showed I mean, he had He was a big man there.
I'll be the bull.
I've been three inches away from a real bull.
A bull is a killing machine.
Those horns can kill you will kill you.
Sorry.
Going around with a bicycle wheel is not a bull.
- - [RAMBLING IN FAKE SPANISH.]
- Now! - Hey, hey! [LAUGHTER.]
- No "ha-ha-ha.
" - No "ha-ha-ha.
" Please! - - - [HUFFS.]
- Come on, big George.
- Hey! - Hah! To be a boxer you have to have fancy footwork.
Now I got a chance to show off my fancy footwork.
No! George and his killer instinct.
[GRUNTS.]
- - That's it! That's it! Play to the crowd.
That's it! That's how you do it.
- Yes, quiet, please.
- Uh, señors.
This is very important.
It's necesario.
Uh, be brave, everyone.
One man needs to be brave enough.
Will that man please step forward? Got it.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey.
- What's this What's this mean? - - [LAUGHTER.]
- Gracias, muchas gracias.
- Bye.
- You guys are splitting, too? No, no, no, I'm gonna take pictures.
This isn't fair.
I'm the youngest guy in the group.
I got my whole life ahead of me.
Put Bill in here.
He's on a ticking time clock.
[WHIP CRACKS.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[HUFFING.]
Boy, it sounds like something's getting ready to get you.
[HUFFING.]
- Are you a little nervous? - Yeah.
You know, I would be in that ring, and I would help him out, you know.
But this was his experience.
Go get 'em, Jeff.
Don't they normally have an ambulance on standby? [HUFFING.]
You're gonna do great.
Well, here's how I die.
How high do you think he can throw you? [LAUGHS.]
Holy cow! [LAUGHS.]
Hey, can I have your truck? Nobody wants your date book.
Inflatable bulls? Come on, that's not scary.
All right, I was a little scared, but it's still not that good of a prank.
- [GRUNTS.]
- You're doing great, son! That's very graceful.
He actually gored him.
[LAUGHS.]
Run, Jeff.
Do you realize how dangerous this is? - Yes, I do.
- You know.
That bull can kill you! [GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
We need to come out there? - [LAUGHS.]
- That is scary right there.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC.]
[BELLS RINGING.]
[SCRAPING.]
We've been traveling for weeks now, and staying at this monastery with all its rules and traditions and boring stuff has caused a little tension in our group.
Wow, there's a lot of schmutz on this.
Hopefully some of this church stuff will rub off on you.
All right.
Rub off on me.
Can we see some stuff that's not an old statue? [BELLS RINGING.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Boy, I'm glad I'm out of here.
Now what? Everyone's kind of grumpy, so I came up with a nice team-building exercise to get us back on track.
You're gonna love what I got for you.
- What is it? - Trust me, guys.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
What you got us into, Jeff? This is an escape room.
- - - [SCREAMING.]
- The door's locked until we solve it or the time expires.
And this is a post-apocalyptic zombie themed room.
I like the escape rooms because you have to pretend like you're really in trouble.
So it's like, it scares you.
And if you don't solve all the problems in that room, you're all gonna be dead.
- [BEEPING.]
- - We need to hurry.
- All right, we have gloves.
We have a stethoscope.
I'm not very good at this stuff.
All you have to do is play with stuff until something makes sense.
All this stuff might do something.
You know, I'm not good in a locked room with a lot of people talking.
And it's claustrophobic, but some way, somehow, we're gonna figure this out.
- Mop.
- Jackpot.
What's the password? It's either acidic acid, aluminum carbonate, aluminum chloride Let me have it.
I can wash dishes with it.
Look, we found the first one.
Jeff's got the first one open.
Now, something's in here that will lead to the next.
- [BEEPS.]
- Hey, right here.
Must be a key to a clue.
Who's good at math? Bill? - Huh? - Crack this code.
That's the formula for Persimmons.
- That's what? - Persimmons, - one of the elements in the - In the Periodic Table? I don't believe that for one minute.
- - - Where's the scale? - That's the scale.
- Where's the scale? - Right next to you.
- This right here? - No.
You know, none of us none of us are smart enough - to figure out the clues.
- It's fun to watch.
Fun to watch nothing.
We found this, and this was in there.
That's a bonnet or something.
You put this on I don't think that has to do with anything.
- I don't know.
- [BEEPS.]
- [BEEPS.]
- Oh, what is on the Look at that! Outside There's a zombie outside there.
I have tried every lock.
[BEEPING.]
Look what I did.
[BEEPING.]
Hint, pista.
Yeah, I gotta pista.
Terry, help us.
You could have been a coach.
What I want to do, people, do an option.
- Corner safety.
- [BEEPS.]
Look at the monitor.
I know.
It's coming this way! Shut her down right there.
[GROANS.]
[SHOUTING.]
It's getting dangerous! Okay, so let me be very honest with you.
I hate the escape room.
Okay? And then I'll throw it either here - Do you wanna get out of here? - I don't like here.
- I wanna get out of here.
- I don't wanna be in here.
We all need to just calm down and relax.
Yes, it's hot, and we're stuck in a small room, and it's claustrophobic.
We're with some hypochondriacs.
But I think we can figure this out.
You're the smart guy.
You [BLEEP.]
figure it out.
I want out of here.
Now the language has gotten bad.
- I apologize, George.
- George has had it.
I don't wanna be stuck here with these guys with this foul language.
I'm just gonna remove myself from this situation.
- George! - Oh! - Oh, my - Jesus! - Whoa! Oh! - - George! Oh, my God! - - Bye-bye! - That's all we needed! That right there, my friend, that's why big George is traveling with us.
My only regret, he didn't do it 30 minutes earlier.
That was awesome! [ROCK MUSIC.]
You don't know how much I appreciate you [FARTING.]
Just got that fart, it's You piece of - [LAUGHS.]
- No good Open wide.
There we go.
The flavor is so subtle.
- Gamey.
- Gamey.
- Testicles.
- I wish you hadn't told me that.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Oh! - Get out of here, bull! Oh! [HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
That was amazing, George.
I've never seen anything like it.
We would never have gotten out of there.
The power when he knocked down that door was overwhelming.
So he needs energy now.
I know that.
So the next restaurant is one of the more beautiful, most honored restaurants in Madrid.
Look at that.
It says it's the oldest restaurant in all of the world.
I'm expanding their cultural experience.
Expanding their minds.
Expanding their waistlines.
- - So Bill, tell me.
What was it like when you had your bar mitzvah here? That's good.
Uh [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, you like that? - Yeah, no, this is the oldest restaurant in the world.
You were a busboy.
[LAUGHS.]
Bill takes us to the oldest restaurant in the world.
You know why? 'Cause Bill helped them build it.
[LAUGHS.]
You know, it feels good to be one of the oldest men in the world.
So I hope that I live and have as productive a life - as you have.
- Thank you.
And you're still going.
Hello, there.
Thank you.
What do you think is this restaurant's best dish? I wonder if they have possum on a stick here.
[LAUGHS.]
Ooh, I love that.
Let me guess.
It's a delicacy.
So this is the oldest restaurant in the world? According to Guinness Book of World Records.
But, you know, that's a little fishy right there.
No, there's mostly meat here.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Thank you.
At least you recognized that There was, like, a blank look around 'Cause that was hysterical.
When someone doesn't laugh at your joke, it doesn't mean they don't understand the joke.
Well nobody You just say, "That's not a joke" It just means they go, "Oh.
" Well, people do that with you.
You're used to that.
I'm not.
It is not good to be arguing among ourselves and having people think we don't get along.
- Who's arguing? - Shut up, Bill! Terry, this table is some antique.
- I got a little - That's one of the oldest - tables in the world, dude.
- I'm so sorry.
Are there any differences between traveling with your friends or traveling with your wife? The biggest difference is you can fight with your friends today and everything is okay at night.
With your wife, you start an argument, it's gonna last it's gonna last It'll be a week before you get out of it.
It's a wonderful thing to be married, though.
- Oh, tag it with that.
- Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Look what we got.
Oh, wow.
- Well - Look at the cojones on this pig.
I don't wanna look at the head.
Feet, tail, head, mouth, jaw, teeth, eyeballs, all shrunk up in the back of his head - 'cause he's been - [GAGS.]
Not my way.
[SCOFFS.]
Mmm-mmm.
This has been incredibly prepared.
You couldn't find a smaller, more adorable one? - [LAUGHS.]
- Those ears are good.
- That's gross.
- Maybe I'll have a potato.
- That's a baby pig.
- Yeah.
Unbelievable.
- Got any ketchup? - [LAUGHS.]
[SNORTS AND LAUGHS.]
I can now say that I've had - We've had the youngest pig - The youngest pig.
- In the oldest restaurant.
- Pretty cool, that's good.
I have to say, it's an amazing thing that we get to travel the way we do.
But to sit in the middle and have a conversation together in the middle of history, that is astounding.
Thanks for going to Spain, gang.
Cheers.
All y'all.
I love all you guys.
Hear, hear.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[SNORING.]
Was that the best meal you ever had? - Yes.
- Terry.
- Yeah? - With your teeth, wasn't that food good? What do you mean, "with your teeth?" Food was cooked so that you could didn't have to chew too hard.
Well, you know, the older that we get, we need to eat more soft food.
- Potatoes.
- Apple sauce.
- Green peas.
- Paper towels.
The only problem is it gives us gas.
Hey, do you know I've never farted in front of my wife? - Well, I do.
- It's rude.
- No, it's not rude.
- Have you asked her No, but she notices that she has told me, "You don't know how much I appreciate you" [FARTS.]
You just sat there and farted, you piece of - [LAUGHS.]
- No good Could you be a monk and take the vow of silence? That guy irritates me.
It's like having a sleepover and your parents come in there.
"You're 57 years old.
Now put them pajamas up and get back in bed.
" Is that your daddy or your mommy? That's my mother.
This is how she talks.
- How'd your daddy talk? - He's dead.
[CREAKS.]
God bless mommy and daddy.
God bless the monk.
And my little rabbit, Fluffyhead.
[LAUGHTER.]
Let a man sleep.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- What is this place, Bill? As if I haven't dazzled them enough with all the great food.
It's a great restaurant.
All I know is it's impossible to get in.
I've got another reservation for a must-try place here in Madrid.
- La Tasqueria.
- Another restaurant.
Thank you, Bill.
I don't know why we're eating again.
We eat every hour.
I love Madrid Paris Where are we? - - - [MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS.]
- Hi, guys.
My name is Javi.
- Ha - Ja-vi.
- Vi.
- Javi.
Like Well, like Hawaii.
Hawaii.
No.
What does La Tasqueria? What does that mean? Yes.
Yes, I knew that.
You are a Know-It-All.
- I am not a Know-It-All.
- You're not? No.
I know a lot.
I'm a Know-A-Lotta.
If I put one live thing in my mouth, someone's taking a blow today.
'Cause I'm in no mood to put wiggly things in my mouth.
You know the old expression, "You can't judge a book by it's cover.
" Well, that's what my friends have been doing about food all along.
I am going to stop that.
It's me.
I'm going to give them a blindfold taste test.
- Let's play? - ALL: Yes.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not putting the blindfold on.
I don't trust any of these guys.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[MOOING.]
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Okay, you guys.
ALL: Okay.
Hey, I'm going on record right now.
I'm serious as all get out.
I will throw this stuff up.
No, no, no.
There's nothing live.
- Yeah.
- There is nothing live.
All right, Jeff.
Open up.
- Here it comes, baby.
- How is that? [LAUGHS.]
You like it? I like it.
- Is that a cheese? - It's like a salad - or something.
- No.
How can I not identify that? There's a fish egg in this one.
[LAUGHS.]
That's good.
Where'd he go? - I love liver! - Yeah? - [GAGS.]
- What? The tongue of a lamb.
- That ain't right.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- You dislike, no? - I dislike, yes.
- - [OINKING.]
- Okay.
- Here it comes.
And that's all of it.
- They're both meat? - Yeah.
The first one's rabbit kidneys.
Oh, nice.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Open real wide.
Fork's upside down.
There you are.
The flavor is so subtle and varied.
- What do you think? - I think that the flavor - is gamey.
- Gamey? Uh, or, uh, organy.
I wish you hadn't have told me that.
Oh.
[LAUGHING.]
See, I wouldn't have guessed right off the bat.
Testicles.
Open up wide.
You're gonna love this.
There you go.
It was something so Oh, I know what that was.
- Brain.
- It's brain.
That's true.
Wait a minute, I just ate brain? I'm smart enough to eat the brains that will make me smart enough to eat brains.
That was rat brain.
[LAUGHS.]
Wow, that was incredible.
Yes.
[OINKING.]
- This is my old friend.
- Truly? Did you get this from that "Saw" movie? I wouldn't do that.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
Fried baby pig's head.
You're monsters.
- [GAGS.]
- - [GAGS.]
- - [LAUGHTER.]
[GAGS.]
- What is this? Delicioso.
- It's amazing.
- Yeah.
- You guys.
- Tastes like chicken.
- Right.
- [LAUGHTER.]
As bad as it sounds, and as bad as it looks, hey, not bad.
I mean, a little bit of home over in Madrid.
Feels good.
Gotta give it to Bill.
He's actually taught us another of life's lessons.
You took foods we would not normally think about and you really made them taste great.
- Thank you.
- It was delicious.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for your visit.
I will be honest.
I will recommend this restaurant to all of my enemies.
[LAUGHTER.]
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
Go, look at the footwork! - Wow.
- Oh, my knees.
Whoa.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Do you like the Village People? [CHEERING.]
Well, we got something even better.
[VILLAGE PEOPLE'S "Y.
M.
C.
A.
" PLAYS.]
Y.
M.
C.
A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.
M.
C.
A.
[BELLS RINGING.]
Monasteries are all about quiet, reflection, and peace.
Never had a candlelight breakfast.
[SHUSHES.]
The guys don't be quiet while the candle is lit, they could be punished.
[CRUNCHING.]
[SHUSHES.]
[CRUNCHING.]
How exactly do we figure out what we're gonna do for the day when we all have to be quiet? Whoa! - I heard a whiff.
- Okay, okay, done.
We can talk again, right? Nice little church loophole, you know what I'm saying? Couldn't have stayed quiet just for a second.
You must have a ton of candles at your house.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
I'm telling you, it was the strangest thing, Father.
The candle just went [MIMICS WHIFFING SOUND.]
It could have been a spirit.
Father, who curls your hair? - I'm a little busy now.
- God doesn't want you - There you go.
- To strike the match.
- No.
- Father, take the sign! - It's not a sign.
- Don't lose it, Father.
May I help you? Let me try.
I'm hot.
It's hot in here.
You get some air conditioner put in this place.
Can I try? I'm gonna make the match work.
- No, you can't do that.
- [LAUGHTER.]
It is my pleasure.
Do not thank me.
- So we're silent again.
- Yeah? [LAUGHTER.]
You are no longer welcome.
[CRUNCHING.]
Get out! Uhoh.
They kicked us out.
This is great.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Really, I know that we're - a little rowdy.
- I got sweat - down the crack of my butt.
- Get out! - Oh, okay.
- All right.
I'm hotter than a road lizard, and I'm glad I'm kicked out.
- Can I keep the robe? - Now what? - We call a taxi.
- [HONKING.]
- Thank you.
- Whoo! You wanna go out and explore? Oh, yeah, for sure.
Sure, we got kicked out of that silent retreat.
But we should have expected that.
I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.
But now we get to wander the streets of Madrid.
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
- Yeah.
- Oh, look at her go.
Oh, I love it.
Look at this.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I love this dancing.
- I do, too.
- I love this.
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
It's like Stomp, except there's only one lady.
- [GUITAR MUSIC.]
- - - I thought it was called "Flamingo.
" [SQUAWKING.]
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
- Hey! - Whoa! [APPLAUSE.]
- Very nice.
- That was awesome.
- Come on.
- No, uh Let's try.
There's all this dancing and culture - right here in the streets.
- Yeah.
I can't wait to dance to this music.
I can't wait to see that.
Dos, tres, quatro.
One, two, three, four.
Yes and then, and now, - heel, toe.
- Yeah! Cinco, seis, siete.
Watch and learn, Bill.
Yeah! You got it.
You got it! That's it! That is it! - This is Spain.
- This is Spain! Come on, Bill! [CLAPPING.]
Go! - Ole! - Orale! That is nice.
[LAUGHS.]
That's right! I got it, Terry.
I got it! [MARC ROBILLARD'S "OPEN SPACES".]
I know not how my story goes But the best years of my life are still untold Yeah! Another city.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
We did it.
Madrid.
[TAPPING.]
- Go, look at the footwork! - Wow.
Oh, my goodness.
All of the memories.
All of the tastes.
- You're gonna love this.
- There you go.
Well, not all of the tastes.
- I just ate brain? - [GAGS.]
[LAUGHS.]
But we're taking it all with us.
No! George and his killer instinct.
Madrid is a city that opens itself to the world.
Whoever you are.
Bill looks like a Brahman bull.
Bill took all the good stuff.
[LAUGHS.]
However you live your life.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey! [GROANS.]
You are welcome here in Madrid.
That was something.
All for one, and one for all.
Madrid.
Boy, my legs.
I really feel my legs.
5".]
Birthplace of Western civilization and a world of unparalleled culture and sophistication.
[LAUGHTER.]
They're back.
Didn't travel all the way over here to be boring.
- Let's go.
- [HORN HONKS.]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! [LYNDSAY BUCKINGHAM'S "HOLIDAY ROAD".]
Four living legends.
Ow, that's right in my toosh.
Saddle up again for a European adventure they'll never forget.
I am a new man.
Starring TV superstar What a great dinner.
Henry Winkler.
Cultural icon It is a better quality rug, I tell you.
William Shatner.
NFL Hall of Famer Two thumbs up! Terry Bradshaw.
What is wrong with you? Former heavyweight champion Yes, yes, yes.
George Foreman.
- I feel like a Jedi.
- And [SINGING.]
Jeff Dye as The Sidekick.
- Tonight - Buenos dias, Spain! Madrid.
Madrid is an ancient city.
Look at this.
Go, look at the footwork.
Oh, wow.
I know why women wear dresses now.
This feels pretty good.
Is the matador gonna put his penis away before he teaches George? Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
You're a terrible matador.
Better late - What is it? - Testicles.
[GAGS.]
Than never.
- Oh, what is on the - [THUDS.]
- Oh! - Oh, Jesus, George! [HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Today we're leaving Barcelona and on to Madrid.
Or as they say in Spanish, Madrid.
Barcelona was wonderful.
And we loved it.
- Now to the next adventure.
- Madrid.
Known for culture, elegance, great food, bullfights.
There's so much to do, and I don't wanna miss any of it.
Have you seen Henry? But Henry, it looks like he's gonna miss all of it.
Wait for me! Faster, faster! - I'm gonna miss him in Madrid.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay, come on.
Hurry.
Hey, Henry! Come on, Henry! Madrid! Let's go.
- Vamanos! - You speak Spanish? No.
Goodbye, Barcelona.
This is beautiful Madrid.
- - - All right.
- Madrid.
- Madrid! - Capital of Spain.
- Home of - Bullfighting.
- I'm gonna bullfight.
- You wanna go? - Great food.
- That great tomato on toast.
Oh, yeah.
The great tomato.
- Wow.
- Hmm.
Getting me hungry.
- How do you know all this? - Settled by the Moors.
The Moors? This is a city filled with life and cuisine.
The cuisine of Madrid is world-renowned.
And I can't wait to get at it.
I don't know any of the things.
You guys gotta stop running through them so fast.
- Well, Madrid is the capital.
- Okay.
Okay, all the Parliament the King the King lives here.
- - [GASP, SCREAM.]
All right, let's decide what we're gonna do.
Oh, boy.
First of all Well, first thing is George and I are gonna sit down.
- That's what - I'm with you guys.
I am with you.
It's hard to get these old dogs moving.
So I planned a little something to bring the culture to them.
I'll be back.
It's time for us to do something traditionally Spanish.
Hola, amigo.
Before we got here, I looked up some Spanish traditions.
And one of my favorite ones is a huge tomato fight.
- - [CHEERING.]
And I wanted to get back at Bill for that weird Russian KGB prison thing.
[SLAMMING.]
Oh, my God.
How much for the lot? - Como? - All of your tomatoes, please.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
- Deal.
- Oh, si? - Yeah, Si.
- It's going down.
- And, uh, hold it.
- Tomato.
- Wow.
- Welcome to Spain, boys! [SCREAMING.]
[PITBULL'S "FIREBALL".]
- [SCREAMS.]
- What are you doing? What are you doing? You're not gonna get me in that.
- Oh! - Hey, toss some here.
Oh, God, he got me in the nuts! - Hey! - Yes! I say I saw I conquered I came They say the Chico on fire and he no liar Oh, it's me! You son of a bitch! - Me, I'm your - Be nice! - Oh! - Ow! I seriously could not hit Bill.
Not me! I'm four feet away, and I miss him.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Fireball Steeler fans are going, "Of course you missed him.
You weren't that accurate when you played for us.
" [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Ah Oh! Is this how they make salsa? Welcome to Madrid.
What kind of tradition is this? Hey, do we need to pick these tomatoes up? - This can't be good.
- Come on, Terry! You know, we've stayed at some weird places because of Jeff.
This time, I decided to step in.
There's a place in Madrid I decided is gonna benefit us all.
- [BELL RINGS.]
- What you boys need is some church.
I've been hearing that my whole life, George.
I'm taking these barbarians to a monastery.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
- - [DING.]
[SNORING.]
I didn't know you were allowed to sleep at church.
- This is beautiful.
- This is gonna be fun.
Give you some robes.
- Thank you.
- Appreciate it, brother.
Sleep here? I don't know about that.
That's kinda scary, 'cause I think in these kind of places, they bury their people under the floor, right? It's about time you guys had a Sunday school lesson.
[WESTERN MUSIC.]
I know why women wear dresses now.
This feels pretty good.
I feel like a Jedi.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
Follow me, follow me.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Gorgeous.
- This is beautiful.
- Look, look.
- Oh.
- Can't sleep here.
You know what I watch on the computer late at night? This place is awesome.
[MELODIC CHANTING.]
[ALL CHANTING.]
[SHUSHES.]
Hey, hey, guys.
[ALL CHANTING.]
True patriot love Horrible singers.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- Hold it, guys.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
- Welcome.
- ALL: Thank you.
- Thank you for visiting us.
- Excuse me, sir.
You're so low, I can't hear you.
He's old, his Is he talking very low, or am I hard of hearing? - I think it's both.
- What'd you say? - I think it's both.
- Oh, thank you.
Welcome to the House of Love.
And the House of Silence, yes.
Rabbi, I am not good at that.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Not a Rabbi.
The rule is simple.
When the candle is lit, it's the time of silence.
Time of silence.
I like being quiet, like, for very short periods of time.
Not, like, a candle worth.
In silence, you can find the peace.
- Be quiet.
- Because in that way, you can heal your soul.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
If you're not quiet, you will be punished.
In this life, or in the other life? In this life, of course.
- And in the other one.
- Oh.
Well, I just think it's weird that you'll be punished in this life and the next life.
- Seems unfair.
- [SHUSHES.]
It's not so difficult.
Please.
ALL: Please.
Yeah, I'm trying Yes, I will.
- They'll never make it.
- I'll make it.
These guys don't think I can take a vow of silence and really mean it.
I really can take a vow of silence.
I vow to be silent.
See, I can take the vow of silence.
I don't need any external help.
There's no need to have words or conversation.
I'm vowing to be silent right now.
See? I can take that vow.
I'm going to light the candle.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC.]
Light a match.
How about looking forward to the silence? Now, yes.
One, two, three.
[NECK CRACKING.]
[SHUSHES.]
- Can I take a picture? - [SHUSHES.]
I won.
- We have a second try.
- Oh, boy.
On vacation! Are you kidding me? A vow of silence.
Ha! Okay, now the candle is lit, so we have to be quiet.
- [SHUSHES.]
- Be quiet, guys.
We're doing it again, Father? You will learn.
Papa, I will be phenomenal this time.
[SIGHS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- Jeff, geez.
- It's not mine.
I know, but - Oh, man.
- That's funny.
Oh, this poor monk.
Now he can see what I have to deal with.
All right.
Enough for today.
- What'd he say? - He said, "Shut up.
" It's time to go.
Is he mad? This guy really looks tense.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Boys.
- I'm hungry, are you hungry? Yeah, it's about lunch time.
[DA DIGGLER & DADDY P & SPIKE T'S "MAMASITA (VOX)".]
We got you jumping like oh oh Mamasita say oh oh The cuisine in Madrid is one of a kind.
Now that we're out of that silence retreat, I am taking the guys to one of the unique exclusive dining experience in the world.
It's a youthful, creative restaurant, and it'll inspire us to be young.
- Would you look at this? - You've got a suitcase.
What kind of place is this? Look like some science laboratory.
But apparently this is a must-try restaurant.
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
- - This is their tasting station.
It is unique.
So the food is made in a different way.
And what is that like? All very scientific.
Molecular gastronomy.
Science has entered the world of culinary arts.
If this doesn't impress these guys, I don't know what else will.
I've even arranged to meet the great chef, Paco Roncero.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Paco, let me ask you a question.
- You are the chef.
- Yes, I am the chef.
- - We had a guy named Willard Elks in Cedar Grove.
[LAUGHS.]
And What? I can imagine.
- Willard Oaks.
- Elks.
Willard Oaks.
No, no, no, I wanna hear about Just wait a minute.
We have to hear about Willard Oaks.
Elks.
- Willard Elks.
- Elks.
- At the Elks Lodge.
- Right.
- He was the key chef there.
- [LAUGHS.]
Willard Elks was actually the first one in the South to come with how to do possum on a stick.
- Is that true? - Willard Elks.
Terry and his idiotic chef cooking road kill, he's embarrassing! Listen, we're gonna starve if you keep talking to these guys.
Okay.
Oh, I don't believe it.
But when he said theatrical meal, - he wasn't kidding.
- No.
He's a bullfighter, that dude.
People die here.
Well, here's how I die.
Danger.
- Oh, what is on the - There's a zombie outside.
It's coming this way! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [EXCITING MUSIC.]
This is the most incredible restaurant I've ever been in.
Well, it certainly is different than anything - I've ever seen before.
- Yeah.
- Just the presentation - It makes it fun, doesn't it? Yeah, that's the perfect word.
- It's a fun restaurant.
- I Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
Pizza flown in from Italy on a hot air balloon.
Incredible.
What more could you want? Bigger pizzas.
Real pizzas.
Not not tiny pi I mean, it's food, Bill.
Food.
I could have 7,000 more pizzas.
Can we have more of that? Still hungry.
He's gonna freeze the olive oil? It's 196 degrees below zero.
Wow.
Oh, it's all over my pants.
This is great.
And it's olive oil.
The texture's to, like, a foam.
[HISSING.]
- Wow.
- - Liquid nitrogen on olive oil.
- [LAUGHS.]
Why hadn't I thought of that? That sounds delicious! My tongue hurts a little.
There you go.
- Look at him.
- [LAUGHS.]
Bill looks like a Brahma bull.
- Orangey.
- Orange.
- Cold.
- [COUGHS.]
- Delicious.
- These people are nuts.
What's next, Paco? Oh, my God.
That is amazing.
- Just pick it right out.
- Uh-oh.
As great chefs will tell you, the presentation is everything.
George, grab that.
Ooh, uh Missed it, missed it.
Oh.
Food is presented as an art form as well.
Bill took all the good stuff.
Hey, Bill, hey.
I'm hungry, too.
[CRUNCHING.]
It's extraordinary.
Paco, this has, uh been quite an experience.
Thank you.
Great place to bring your wife, you know? The only thing is, George, it's $2,000 a person.
Well, this isn't a very nice place to bring your wife.
[LAUGHTER.]
[GUITAR MUSIC.]
- - I wanna learn about all of the Spanish traditions.
But I think the coolest one would be bullfighting.
He's a bullfighter, that dude.
That's a good look, isn't it? - Yeah, I could do this.
- Oh, yeah.
- I set it up.
- Yes.
I got it all worked out.
You are gonna fight a bull.
- Authentic bullfighting.
- That's it, Jack.
- This is - Give me a finger snap.
- Real Spain, baby.
- There it is! There's blood in the ground here.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- - - Hello, there.
ALL: Hola.
- Gracias.
- Thanks for having us.
- Translation? - Welcome to the - Esto.
- Esto, this place? We are ridiculous.
We look like mariachis.
I'll admit it.
I picked the outfits out, okay? Mariachi, matador, both start with a "m".
I just got the rest of it screwed up.
[LAUGHS.]
- That's rude.
- No, shh.
Yeah, he's funny.
He's funny.
He doesn't mean anything.
He's just funny.
- [SHUSHES.]
- Okay, fine.
He here is the maestro, or the teacher.
We're gonna learn to be toreros.
- Respect.
- Si.
- People die here.
- Si.
- [EXCITING MUSIC.]
- - - I'm gonna El Gande.
- El Georgeo.
- He's been retaining a little fluid lately, so be careful with him.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, guys, look.
You're about to get some great demonstration.
Is the matador gonna put him penis away before he teaches George? - El grande! - [RAMBLING IN FAKE SPANISH.]
Look at that thing.
They say you've gotta have big cojones to fight a bull.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
Uh, the matador is a symbol of courage.
Of masculinity.
Of being a man.
Now, that guy really showed I mean, he had He was a big man there.
I'll be the bull.
I've been three inches away from a real bull.
A bull is a killing machine.
Those horns can kill you will kill you.
Sorry.
Going around with a bicycle wheel is not a bull.
- - [RAMBLING IN FAKE SPANISH.]
- Now! - Hey, hey! [LAUGHTER.]
- No "ha-ha-ha.
" - No "ha-ha-ha.
" Please! - - - [HUFFS.]
- Come on, big George.
- Hey! - Hah! To be a boxer you have to have fancy footwork.
Now I got a chance to show off my fancy footwork.
No! George and his killer instinct.
[GRUNTS.]
- - That's it! That's it! Play to the crowd.
That's it! That's how you do it.
- Yes, quiet, please.
- Uh, señors.
This is very important.
It's necesario.
Uh, be brave, everyone.
One man needs to be brave enough.
Will that man please step forward? Got it.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey.
- What's this What's this mean? - - [LAUGHTER.]
- Gracias, muchas gracias.
- Bye.
- You guys are splitting, too? No, no, no, I'm gonna take pictures.
This isn't fair.
I'm the youngest guy in the group.
I got my whole life ahead of me.
Put Bill in here.
He's on a ticking time clock.
[WHIP CRACKS.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[HUFFING.]
Boy, it sounds like something's getting ready to get you.
[HUFFING.]
- Are you a little nervous? - Yeah.
You know, I would be in that ring, and I would help him out, you know.
But this was his experience.
Go get 'em, Jeff.
Don't they normally have an ambulance on standby? [HUFFING.]
You're gonna do great.
Well, here's how I die.
How high do you think he can throw you? [LAUGHS.]
Holy cow! [LAUGHS.]
Hey, can I have your truck? Nobody wants your date book.
Inflatable bulls? Come on, that's not scary.
All right, I was a little scared, but it's still not that good of a prank.
- [GRUNTS.]
- You're doing great, son! That's very graceful.
He actually gored him.
[LAUGHS.]
Run, Jeff.
Do you realize how dangerous this is? - Yes, I do.
- You know.
That bull can kill you! [GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
We need to come out there? - [LAUGHS.]
- That is scary right there.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC.]
[BELLS RINGING.]
[SCRAPING.]
We've been traveling for weeks now, and staying at this monastery with all its rules and traditions and boring stuff has caused a little tension in our group.
Wow, there's a lot of schmutz on this.
Hopefully some of this church stuff will rub off on you.
All right.
Rub off on me.
Can we see some stuff that's not an old statue? [BELLS RINGING.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Boy, I'm glad I'm out of here.
Now what? Everyone's kind of grumpy, so I came up with a nice team-building exercise to get us back on track.
You're gonna love what I got for you.
- What is it? - Trust me, guys.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
What you got us into, Jeff? This is an escape room.
- - - [SCREAMING.]
- The door's locked until we solve it or the time expires.
And this is a post-apocalyptic zombie themed room.
I like the escape rooms because you have to pretend like you're really in trouble.
So it's like, it scares you.
And if you don't solve all the problems in that room, you're all gonna be dead.
- [BEEPING.]
- - We need to hurry.
- All right, we have gloves.
We have a stethoscope.
I'm not very good at this stuff.
All you have to do is play with stuff until something makes sense.
All this stuff might do something.
You know, I'm not good in a locked room with a lot of people talking.
And it's claustrophobic, but some way, somehow, we're gonna figure this out.
- Mop.
- Jackpot.
What's the password? It's either acidic acid, aluminum carbonate, aluminum chloride Let me have it.
I can wash dishes with it.
Look, we found the first one.
Jeff's got the first one open.
Now, something's in here that will lead to the next.
- [BEEPS.]
- Hey, right here.
Must be a key to a clue.
Who's good at math? Bill? - Huh? - Crack this code.
That's the formula for Persimmons.
- That's what? - Persimmons, - one of the elements in the - In the Periodic Table? I don't believe that for one minute.
- - - Where's the scale? - That's the scale.
- Where's the scale? - Right next to you.
- This right here? - No.
You know, none of us none of us are smart enough - to figure out the clues.
- It's fun to watch.
Fun to watch nothing.
We found this, and this was in there.
That's a bonnet or something.
You put this on I don't think that has to do with anything.
- I don't know.
- [BEEPS.]
- [BEEPS.]
- Oh, what is on the Look at that! Outside There's a zombie outside there.
I have tried every lock.
[BEEPING.]
Look what I did.
[BEEPING.]
Hint, pista.
Yeah, I gotta pista.
Terry, help us.
You could have been a coach.
What I want to do, people, do an option.
- Corner safety.
- [BEEPS.]
Look at the monitor.
I know.
It's coming this way! Shut her down right there.
[GROANS.]
[SHOUTING.]
It's getting dangerous! Okay, so let me be very honest with you.
I hate the escape room.
Okay? And then I'll throw it either here - Do you wanna get out of here? - I don't like here.
- I wanna get out of here.
- I don't wanna be in here.
We all need to just calm down and relax.
Yes, it's hot, and we're stuck in a small room, and it's claustrophobic.
We're with some hypochondriacs.
But I think we can figure this out.
You're the smart guy.
You [BLEEP.]
figure it out.
I want out of here.
Now the language has gotten bad.
- I apologize, George.
- George has had it.
I don't wanna be stuck here with these guys with this foul language.
I'm just gonna remove myself from this situation.
- George! - Oh! - Oh, my - Jesus! - Whoa! Oh! - - George! Oh, my God! - - Bye-bye! - That's all we needed! That right there, my friend, that's why big George is traveling with us.
My only regret, he didn't do it 30 minutes earlier.
That was awesome! [ROCK MUSIC.]
You don't know how much I appreciate you [FARTING.]
Just got that fart, it's You piece of - [LAUGHS.]
- No good Open wide.
There we go.
The flavor is so subtle.
- Gamey.
- Gamey.
- Testicles.
- I wish you hadn't told me that.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Oh! - Get out of here, bull! Oh! [HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
That was amazing, George.
I've never seen anything like it.
We would never have gotten out of there.
The power when he knocked down that door was overwhelming.
So he needs energy now.
I know that.
So the next restaurant is one of the more beautiful, most honored restaurants in Madrid.
Look at that.
It says it's the oldest restaurant in all of the world.
I'm expanding their cultural experience.
Expanding their minds.
Expanding their waistlines.
- - So Bill, tell me.
What was it like when you had your bar mitzvah here? That's good.
Uh [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, you like that? - Yeah, no, this is the oldest restaurant in the world.
You were a busboy.
[LAUGHS.]
Bill takes us to the oldest restaurant in the world.
You know why? 'Cause Bill helped them build it.
[LAUGHS.]
You know, it feels good to be one of the oldest men in the world.
So I hope that I live and have as productive a life - as you have.
- Thank you.
And you're still going.
Hello, there.
Thank you.
What do you think is this restaurant's best dish? I wonder if they have possum on a stick here.
[LAUGHS.]
Ooh, I love that.
Let me guess.
It's a delicacy.
So this is the oldest restaurant in the world? According to Guinness Book of World Records.
But, you know, that's a little fishy right there.
No, there's mostly meat here.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Thank you.
At least you recognized that There was, like, a blank look around 'Cause that was hysterical.
When someone doesn't laugh at your joke, it doesn't mean they don't understand the joke.
Well nobody You just say, "That's not a joke" It just means they go, "Oh.
" Well, people do that with you.
You're used to that.
I'm not.
It is not good to be arguing among ourselves and having people think we don't get along.
- Who's arguing? - Shut up, Bill! Terry, this table is some antique.
- I got a little - That's one of the oldest - tables in the world, dude.
- I'm so sorry.
Are there any differences between traveling with your friends or traveling with your wife? The biggest difference is you can fight with your friends today and everything is okay at night.
With your wife, you start an argument, it's gonna last it's gonna last It'll be a week before you get out of it.
It's a wonderful thing to be married, though.
- Oh, tag it with that.
- Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Look what we got.
Oh, wow.
- Well - Look at the cojones on this pig.
I don't wanna look at the head.
Feet, tail, head, mouth, jaw, teeth, eyeballs, all shrunk up in the back of his head - 'cause he's been - [GAGS.]
Not my way.
[SCOFFS.]
Mmm-mmm.
This has been incredibly prepared.
You couldn't find a smaller, more adorable one? - [LAUGHS.]
- Those ears are good.
- That's gross.
- Maybe I'll have a potato.
- That's a baby pig.
- Yeah.
Unbelievable.
- Got any ketchup? - [LAUGHS.]
[SNORTS AND LAUGHS.]
I can now say that I've had - We've had the youngest pig - The youngest pig.
- In the oldest restaurant.
- Pretty cool, that's good.
I have to say, it's an amazing thing that we get to travel the way we do.
But to sit in the middle and have a conversation together in the middle of history, that is astounding.
Thanks for going to Spain, gang.
Cheers.
All y'all.
I love all you guys.
Hear, hear.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[SNORING.]
Was that the best meal you ever had? - Yes.
- Terry.
- Yeah? - With your teeth, wasn't that food good? What do you mean, "with your teeth?" Food was cooked so that you could didn't have to chew too hard.
Well, you know, the older that we get, we need to eat more soft food.
- Potatoes.
- Apple sauce.
- Green peas.
- Paper towels.
The only problem is it gives us gas.
Hey, do you know I've never farted in front of my wife? - Well, I do.
- It's rude.
- No, it's not rude.
- Have you asked her No, but she notices that she has told me, "You don't know how much I appreciate you" [FARTS.]
You just sat there and farted, you piece of - [LAUGHS.]
- No good Could you be a monk and take the vow of silence? That guy irritates me.
It's like having a sleepover and your parents come in there.
"You're 57 years old.
Now put them pajamas up and get back in bed.
" Is that your daddy or your mommy? That's my mother.
This is how she talks.
- How'd your daddy talk? - He's dead.
[CREAKS.]
God bless mommy and daddy.
God bless the monk.
And my little rabbit, Fluffyhead.
[LAUGHTER.]
Let a man sleep.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- What is this place, Bill? As if I haven't dazzled them enough with all the great food.
It's a great restaurant.
All I know is it's impossible to get in.
I've got another reservation for a must-try place here in Madrid.
- La Tasqueria.
- Another restaurant.
Thank you, Bill.
I don't know why we're eating again.
We eat every hour.
I love Madrid Paris Where are we? - - - [MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS.]
- Hi, guys.
My name is Javi.
- Ha - Ja-vi.
- Vi.
- Javi.
Like Well, like Hawaii.
Hawaii.
No.
What does La Tasqueria? What does that mean? Yes.
Yes, I knew that.
You are a Know-It-All.
- I am not a Know-It-All.
- You're not? No.
I know a lot.
I'm a Know-A-Lotta.
If I put one live thing in my mouth, someone's taking a blow today.
'Cause I'm in no mood to put wiggly things in my mouth.
You know the old expression, "You can't judge a book by it's cover.
" Well, that's what my friends have been doing about food all along.
I am going to stop that.
It's me.
I'm going to give them a blindfold taste test.
- Let's play? - ALL: Yes.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not putting the blindfold on.
I don't trust any of these guys.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
[MOOING.]
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Okay, you guys.
ALL: Okay.
Hey, I'm going on record right now.
I'm serious as all get out.
I will throw this stuff up.
No, no, no.
There's nothing live.
- Yeah.
- There is nothing live.
All right, Jeff.
Open up.
- Here it comes, baby.
- How is that? [LAUGHS.]
You like it? I like it.
- Is that a cheese? - It's like a salad - or something.
- No.
How can I not identify that? There's a fish egg in this one.
[LAUGHS.]
That's good.
Where'd he go? - I love liver! - Yeah? - [GAGS.]
- What? The tongue of a lamb.
- That ain't right.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- You dislike, no? - I dislike, yes.
- - [OINKING.]
- Okay.
- Here it comes.
And that's all of it.
- They're both meat? - Yeah.
The first one's rabbit kidneys.
Oh, nice.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Open real wide.
Fork's upside down.
There you are.
The flavor is so subtle and varied.
- What do you think? - I think that the flavor - is gamey.
- Gamey? Uh, or, uh, organy.
I wish you hadn't have told me that.
Oh.
[LAUGHING.]
See, I wouldn't have guessed right off the bat.
Testicles.
Open up wide.
You're gonna love this.
There you go.
It was something so Oh, I know what that was.
- Brain.
- It's brain.
That's true.
Wait a minute, I just ate brain? I'm smart enough to eat the brains that will make me smart enough to eat brains.
That was rat brain.
[LAUGHS.]
Wow, that was incredible.
Yes.
[OINKING.]
- This is my old friend.
- Truly? Did you get this from that "Saw" movie? I wouldn't do that.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
Fried baby pig's head.
You're monsters.
- [GAGS.]
- - [GAGS.]
- - [LAUGHTER.]
[GAGS.]
- What is this? Delicioso.
- It's amazing.
- Yeah.
- You guys.
- Tastes like chicken.
- Right.
- [LAUGHTER.]
As bad as it sounds, and as bad as it looks, hey, not bad.
I mean, a little bit of home over in Madrid.
Feels good.
Gotta give it to Bill.
He's actually taught us another of life's lessons.
You took foods we would not normally think about and you really made them taste great.
- Thank you.
- It was delicious.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for your visit.
I will be honest.
I will recommend this restaurant to all of my enemies.
[LAUGHTER.]
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
Go, look at the footwork! - Wow.
- Oh, my knees.
Whoa.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Do you like the Village People? [CHEERING.]
Well, we got something even better.
[VILLAGE PEOPLE'S "Y.
M.
C.
A.
" PLAYS.]
Y.
M.
C.
A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.
M.
C.
A.
[BELLS RINGING.]
Monasteries are all about quiet, reflection, and peace.
Never had a candlelight breakfast.
[SHUSHES.]
The guys don't be quiet while the candle is lit, they could be punished.
[CRUNCHING.]
[SHUSHES.]
[CRUNCHING.]
How exactly do we figure out what we're gonna do for the day when we all have to be quiet? Whoa! - I heard a whiff.
- Okay, okay, done.
We can talk again, right? Nice little church loophole, you know what I'm saying? Couldn't have stayed quiet just for a second.
You must have a ton of candles at your house.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
I'm telling you, it was the strangest thing, Father.
The candle just went [MIMICS WHIFFING SOUND.]
It could have been a spirit.
Father, who curls your hair? - I'm a little busy now.
- God doesn't want you - There you go.
- To strike the match.
- No.
- Father, take the sign! - It's not a sign.
- Don't lose it, Father.
May I help you? Let me try.
I'm hot.
It's hot in here.
You get some air conditioner put in this place.
Can I try? I'm gonna make the match work.
- No, you can't do that.
- [LAUGHTER.]
It is my pleasure.
Do not thank me.
- So we're silent again.
- Yeah? [LAUGHTER.]
You are no longer welcome.
[CRUNCHING.]
Get out! Uhoh.
They kicked us out.
This is great.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Really, I know that we're - a little rowdy.
- I got sweat - down the crack of my butt.
- Get out! - Oh, okay.
- All right.
I'm hotter than a road lizard, and I'm glad I'm kicked out.
- Can I keep the robe? - Now what? - We call a taxi.
- [HONKING.]
- Thank you.
- Whoo! You wanna go out and explore? Oh, yeah, for sure.
Sure, we got kicked out of that silent retreat.
But we should have expected that.
I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.
But now we get to wander the streets of Madrid.
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
- Yeah.
- Oh, look at her go.
Oh, I love it.
Look at this.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I love this dancing.
- I do, too.
- I love this.
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
It's like Stomp, except there's only one lady.
- [GUITAR MUSIC.]
- - - I thought it was called "Flamingo.
" [SQUAWKING.]
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
- Hey! - Whoa! [APPLAUSE.]
- Very nice.
- That was awesome.
- Come on.
- No, uh Let's try.
There's all this dancing and culture - right here in the streets.
- Yeah.
I can't wait to dance to this music.
I can't wait to see that.
Dos, tres, quatro.
One, two, three, four.
Yes and then, and now, - heel, toe.
- Yeah! Cinco, seis, siete.
Watch and learn, Bill.
Yeah! You got it.
You got it! That's it! That is it! - This is Spain.
- This is Spain! Come on, Bill! [CLAPPING.]
Go! - Ole! - Orale! That is nice.
[LAUGHS.]
That's right! I got it, Terry.
I got it! [MARC ROBILLARD'S "OPEN SPACES".]
I know not how my story goes But the best years of my life are still untold Yeah! Another city.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
We did it.
Madrid.
[TAPPING.]
- Go, look at the footwork! - Wow.
Oh, my goodness.
All of the memories.
All of the tastes.
- You're gonna love this.
- There you go.
Well, not all of the tastes.
- I just ate brain? - [GAGS.]
[LAUGHS.]
But we're taking it all with us.
No! George and his killer instinct.
Madrid is a city that opens itself to the world.
Whoever you are.
Bill looks like a Brahman bull.
Bill took all the good stuff.
[LAUGHS.]
However you live your life.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey! [GROANS.]
You are welcome here in Madrid.
That was something.
All for one, and one for all.
Madrid.
Boy, my legs.
I really feel my legs.