Big Nate (2022) s02e06 Episode Script
A Star is Torn
[grand music]
Fun fact number, uh, 74
about me,
I have an arch nemesis.
His name is Nolan Vaughn,
and we've been waging
a prank war since third grade.
- [screams]
- [laughs]
[loud fart]
That war has continued
to this very day.
So I switched out
Nate's bike wheels
- with deep dish pizzas.
- Nice one, Nolan.
[laughs] Saucy!
What is wrong
with this thing?
Oh, come on.
Just open the locker.
[grunts]
Finally! Stupid locker.
After school, move all
my stuff into your locker.
Whatever you say, Nolan.
Hold it!
This was supposed to--
- [groans] Why didn't it--
- [chuckles]
[electronic beep]
- [explosion]
- Ah!
[grunts]
- [laughter]
- You got glued!
Security!
[snaps fingers]
This isn't over, Nolan!
What--what are you looking at?
Haven't you seen
a clown chicken before?
I'll be--
[squawks, clucks]
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
- Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[bell rings]
Prepare yourselves,
young thespians,
for The Mainiactors
Acting Competition,
where 11-year-olds partner up
to perform
wildly age-inappropriate scenes
from the classics!
What if your age is
undefined?
Oh, you needn't worry, Randall.
I'm sure they make exceptions
for prodigies like yourself.
This is a make it or
break it opportunity
for all you amateur thespians.
Make it,
and you'll be on your way
to a bright,
multi-hyphenate career!
Break it, and you'll be living
in your parents' basements,
relieving yourselves
in a bucket
for the rest of your lives.
- Or the life of your bucket.
- [chuckles]
A highly-esteemed actor will
judge this year's competition.
Let me guess.
- 'Tis you
- 'Tis moi
both: Lagaze!
[laughs]
Only one young thespian
will be crowned this year's
Maniactor.
I recommend you choose
your scene partners wisely,
or else.
[ominous music]
Ugh.
Nolan may have won
this round,
but I will win the war!
Teddy, whatcha got?
Ew. What is that?
The Butt Bomb 4000.
It provides an immersive
fart experience.
Genius!
Francis, How's that fire ant
milking coming along?
[gasps] Great.
Everyone must make sacrifices
in the war of awesome
versus evil.
Speaking of the war,
what if you called a truce?
And let Nolan win?
Are you quite mad, good sir?
Francis has a point, man.
I don't want to waste
all my best pranking years
- on Nolan.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's almost intolerable.
And I have a small twig
growing out of my ear.
That's, uh, great, Chad.
Thanks! I knew you guys
would be happy for me.
Dee Dee, how about you?
- [groaning]
- Uh, Dee Dee?
Dee Dee? What's up?
Oh, she's got
the scene partner blues.
It's this Mainiactors
Acting Competition.
Doctor Lagaze says it's
our last chance to make it big,
but I need
a showstopping partner.
Why don't you hold
auditions after school?
Maybe someone
will surprise you.
It couldn't hurt.
Now, I need a scene partner,
and I need one pronto.
Who's got that
star power stank?
Talk to me, people!
[inhales]
Would you mind
if I started over?
You haven't
said anything yet.
I wrote the letter in
blood red ink to paint
The picture I was trying to
get done with the deep ♪
♪
[laughs]
Uh, what should I do?
Surprise me.
[farts]
Special delivery!
[hisses]
[grunting]
What's up with
Brussels sprouts?
We keep telling our parents
we don't like them.
Oh, and how about arugula?
Or should I say, a-pew-gula?
♪
[chattering]
[yells]
[laughs]
You'll never out-prank me,
Nate Wright!
I'm stronger, I'm smarter--
And you stink at
snappy comebacks.
Hmm. Well, I'm rich, too.
- I'm way richer than you are.
- Pfft, so what?
Besides, I've got something
very important
that you will never have.
- What's that? Toe fungus?
- Yeah! Uh, no!
I'm talking about friends, jerkweed.
Friends!
[dramatic music]
I have friend.
He or she or they are
just not here right now.
♪
[chuckles]
Friends, huh?
Thanks, Nate Wright.
You just handed me the weapon
that's going to take you down.
[cackles]
[sighs]
Alas, my acting career is over.
I'm already 11,
and I don't even have
a celebrity candle that
smells like my teeth.
Unique New York,
round and down,
red rubber baby buggy bumpers.
[vocalizing]
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
Uh, me?
I was--nothing.
I just happened to
overhear your, um, your--
- I was doing vocal warm ups.
- Yeah, but why?
Isn't it obvious? I'm getting
my voice nice and ready
for the Mainiactors Acting
competish. Ever heard of it?
Since when did you
get into theater?
Oh, I've always been
a thespian--
that means actor--
it runs in my blood.
[groans]
[dramatically]
Can't you see, Margaret?
It's this place
that's tearing us apart!
You think I like leaving you
every night?
I can't help it!
And I am ashamed, Margaret.
[crying]
I am ashamed!
He's actually good.
[groans]
OK, I called
this emergency meeting
to discuss my next move
in the ongoing
Nate versus Nolan prank war.
Now, what I'm thinking is--
uh, hang on. Where's Dee Dee?
She's in the auditorium
rehearsing with Nolan.
And spoiler alert.
Their chemistry,
it is sizzling!
both: What?
Dee Dee's making dra-magic
with my arch enemy?
What is she thinking?
Don't worry, Amy.
I'll take care of this.
Don't do it on my behalf.
I don't want to be
a helicopter girlfriend.
Yes, I do. I'll go with you.
[dramatically]
Where were you, Howard?
What do you care, Margaret?
I'm home now.
[gasps]
So it is true!
Hey, Nate.
Nice theater. Sike!
Nate, it's, uh--
not what it looks like.
[laughs]
It's exactly
what it looks like.
OK, not helping.
Amy, what are you doing here?
I should be asking myself
the same question.
That came out wrong.
Dee Dee, what gives?
How come you're contorting
with the enemy?
Nolan's not the enemy.
He's a really good actor.
And I'm--well, I'm thinking of
partnering with him
for the Mainiactors competition.
[dramatic music]
You cannot be serious.
I could have a real chance
of winning!
Is there a problem, milady?
Whoa, guy.
Who are you calling "milady"?
No, there's no problem.
They were just leaving.
Fine! We'll leave.
But I'll be watching you, Nolan.
And I've got my eye on you
like a hawk.
Ca-caw!
[grunts]
Like a hawk!
[screams]
All good.
Ca-caw, caw!
I'm so glad you decided
to join me
and my friends tonight,
Dee Dee.
No offense, Nolan,
but I didn't really know
you had friends.
[laughs] Hashtag harsh!
But fair.
I suppose I am a bit of
a lone wolf.
But you haven't met
the real Nolan.
[tires screech]
[gasps]
[laughter]
Attention people!
I want you to meet
my fellow actor and
[clears throat]
hopefully,
my new scene partner,
Dee Dee Holloway!
[all chattering]
Hi, I'm Cassandra.
I got my first acting job
in utero
doing a prenatal vitamin commercial.
Now I'm playing
Baguette Number Two
in "Les Misérables"
on Broadway.
- - Oh, sacré bleu!
- Broadway! Like, for real?
- Huh? Eh?
- Oh!
Uh, sorry.
What are you doing?
I'm mirroring you!
[laughs]
It's an acting exercise.
both: Whoa! This is cool!
Jinx! Double jinx!
[both laugh]
Tell me about your career,
Dee Dee.
What's your latest project?
Oh, um,
I was in a commercial.
That's where
I recognized you from!
Don't cast
your thunder asunder ♪
Here's some roses
just because!
Oh, thank you.
Wow, Nolan,
your friends are so cool,
and serious about acting.
I know.
We're the real deal.
Aren't you glad you picked me
as your scene partner?
I think I may have
misjudged you, Nolan.
[dramatic music]
I can't tell if
this is a theater group
or a holiday
I don't know about.
Oh, I like those.
Gram has one where she sneaks
into my room
on the 5th of September
and screams.
She calls it
[in guttural voice]
"Chad."
[shudders]
This is serious, guys.
Dee Dee is being
brainwashed by Nolan!
I don't know, Nate.
She seems really happy.
- [groans]
- Nate's right.
Not to be all
"I'm from New York,"
but I'm from New York,
so I know theater kids.
And I didn't hear one show tune
or see anyone crying on cue.
Exactly. Which means it's
time we do a little research
on Nolan's theater friends.
- Zip!
- Zap!
Zop!
[laughter]
Ooh, [indistinct]
What? This Cassandra kid
is 23 years old!
Guys, listen to this!
"Scene one, Nolan's.
"Nolan introduces Dee Dee to
his theater friends.
"Scene two, park.
Nolan and Dee Dee play Zip,
Zap, Zop with theater friends."
Holy cow!
They've got everything
scripted out.
It's like Dee Dee's life
is a TV show!
I wonder who plays me?
I hope he's hot.
- [laughter]
- Oh, man, this was so fun.
Now's our chance.
Follow Nolan!
♪
[whistles]
Ah!
[shouts, laughs]
How were we?
Fully believable.
- Dee Dee didn't suspect a thing.
- Yes!
I told my husband I could still
play 11 to 15-year-olds.
[bells ring]
Thanks for the gig, Nolan.
[voice breaking]
My career has really dried up
since my voice started changing.
Ugh, I thought I had
my embryonic foot in the door,
but I haven't gotten
any acting gigs since.
Hey, it pays to be friends
with Nolan Vaughn.
- Right on.
- Yeah, it does.
[camera shutter clicks]
Well, gang, I think we have
all the evidence we need.
It's crystal clear that
Nolan is using Dee Dee
as a pawn in our prank war.
Step one, Nolan pretends to be
interested in acting.
- [gibberish]
- Fake!
Step two, using actors
posing as theater kids,
he convinces Dee Dee to be
his partner in the competition.
- [gibberish]
- [gibberish]
Fake!
Step three,
during the competition,
he humiliates Dee Dee on stage,
knowing that will lure me
out of the audience.
[gibberish]
[crying]
Step four,
he then proceeds to punk me
in front of a packed auditorium
and declares himself
the winner of the prank war.
- [laughs]
- [screams]
- Ow, my elbow!
- It's diabolical.
Wow. I can't believe
Nolan would do that.
[door slams]
Ah!
- Do what?
- Ooh!
Uh, Dee Dee!
Nolan's friends are really--
well, they aren't
who they say they are.
What are you talking about?
We did some digging around
in their bags
while you guys were at
the park and--
Wait, hold up.
You guys were spying on me?
Well, um, yeah,
but it was for your own good.
See, it turns out that
Nolan was all along--
I don't want to hear it.
I can't believe
you were spying on me!
- We were worried about you.
- Huh.
And what about you, Nate?
Were you "worried" about me?
Or were you just obsessed with
taking Nolan down?
Uh, can't I be both?
I'm going over to
Nolan's to rehearse.
Don't follow me!
I sort of think
Dee Dee's right.
We made a mistake.
Guys, guys, guys,
we can't give up now.
Remember who
we're dealing with?
Nolan Vaughn.
I know how his mind works.
Dude, enough with
all the Nolan Vaughn stuff.
You're obsessed!
- Uh, I'm out.
- Hmm.
[scoffs]
I'm not obsessed.
But we should probably
go over to Nolan's
and track his movements,
you know?
Just to make sure that
Dee Dee's OK, of course.
Totally.
Dee Dee,
I love the daring choices
you're making in this scene.
Thank you, Nolan, but--
- [sighs]
- What's wrong?
Oh, it's just your friends
all have such amazing careers.
Me?
[groans]
You will be
a bigger star
than all my friends
put together.
I promise you, tomorrow,
everyone's going to know
the name Dee Dee Holloway.
Ah!
Gah!
What a phony Nolan is!
Pretending to be
Dee Dee's friend
so he can make a fool of her
at the competition.
We can't let him
get away with it!
I agree, but Dee Dee knows
we suspect him.
If we want to keep an eye
on things,
we'll have to go
deep undercover.
No problem.
Deepness is my specialty.
What?
Welcome to the Mainiactors
Regional Acting Competition!
[cheers and applause]
W--wait!
[gasps] What's this?
A dramatic entrance?
We want to be in
the competition!
Ah, yes!
I sense your drive,
your hunger,
your desperation.
Congratulations! You're in.
I'm not leaving you behind!
I'm already gone, Klausky.
[coughs]
Half my torso is spread across
Normandy beach.
Just promise me you'll do
one thing for me!
Anything.
I scooped out my kidney
and put it in my right pocket.
[gasps]
Make sure my son gets it.
Promise me you'll--
[choking]
No!
[cheers and applause]
Oh! [sniffles]
Nothing like
a battlefield scene
to get the waterworks going.
Can you top that, Ms. Holloway?
[western music]
We've eaten all our rations
and--
[music stops]
[chickens clucking]
[sheep baaing]
Line.
Now we're gonna have to
eat each other.
And now we're going to
have to eat each other.
[horse neighing]
[both gnawing]
Such animal magnetism!
[sneaky music]
Psst!
♪
Hey, aren't those
Nolan's fake actor friends?
What's he up to?
[groans]
Excuse me, Dee Dee.
I need to poop.
I understand.
Shed your baggage.
[sneaky music]
Mm, do you have them?
Got 'em right here,
just like you ordered.
And what about the
other items we discussed?
Ah, here you go, chief.
But it has to be a surprise.
Don't bring this stuff on stage
until I give you the signal.
10-4, boss.
She'll never know what hit her.
[gasps]
Did you hear that?
Nolan's going to hit Dee Dee
with whatever's in the box.
Oh, not today, he's not.
No, Nate! If we expose Nolan now,
Dee Dee won't be able
to do her scene.
She'll lose her chance to
win the competition,
and she'll be devastated!
OK, then, fine.
We'll wait until
the very last moment.
[breathing heavily]
Finished.
I punished that porcelain.
Um, good.
I think we're up.
[exhales]
[dramatically]
Where were you, Howard?
What do you care, Margaret?
I'm home now.
Ain't that good enough for you?
You're not fooling anyone,
Howard!
Where do you go every night?
Well, if you're
going to keep asking,
I guess I'll have to
tell you everything.
[whispering]
What are you doing?
This isn't in the script.
Margaret, prepare yourself
for the surprise of your life.
Not so fast!
[gasps]
Nate? Amy?
What are you doing here?
[whispering]
Don't break character, Dee Dee.
Keep the scene going.
[loudly]
Who are you two strangers?
We are, uh--
- The police!
- Your neighbors.
Uh, your police neighbors!
We've come to expose Howard
for the scoundrel that he is.
Howard, what are these
police neighbors talking about?
- We're talking about this.
- Hey! Give it to me!
First, you're gonna tell us
what's in the box.
- [grunts] Hand it over!
- No!
[grunts]
You fools!
You've ruined everything!
You thought you were gonna
get away with your evil plan.
But you forgot
I'm the prank king.
- Ah! Ooh!
- [gasps]
Flowers?
Nolan, what is going on?
Um, I was improvising.
They were for you.
Dee Dee, your acting partner
is a fraud.
Those probably
aren't even flowers.
Actually, you know what?
They could be dynamite.
Duck and cover, everybody!
This place is gonna blow!
- [audience gasps]
- Grenade!
"Dearest Dee Dee,
please be my sweetie.
I had fun in our scene
and I think you're so keen"?
Oh, no.
W--wait a minute.
What's happening right now?
What about our prank war?
We saw you pay those actors
to do your evil bidding.
I admit, this all started as
a plan to take you down, Nate,
by destroying your friendship
with Dee Dee.
But you won me over with
your passion,
your spirit, your star quality.
Uh-huh.
Keep talking.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me see this.
"But you won me over with
your passion,
your spirit, your
star quality."
Dee Dee, this jerk
is still acting!
This is all part of his plan!
[audience gasps]
And it worked!
I kept you on stage
long enough to do this.
[dramatic music]
[slow motion]
No!
[rope snaps]
[yells]
[grunts]
So you only chose me
as a scene partner
so you could settle
a score with Nate?
Uh yeah, basically.
And Nate,
you were so obsessed with
your stupid prank war that
you invaded my privacy
and turned my scene
into a dumpster fire?
"Dumpster fire" feels
a little extreme.
Dee Dee, I--
Don't get me started
on you, girl!
Oh!
[exhales deeply]
You know what? You know what?
I don't need some dumb
competition to make me a star.
I'll get there on my own!
[audience gasps]
I quit!
[distant scream]
[clapping slowly]
[cheers and applause]
Wow.
Hey, Dee Dee.
I think that's all for you.
I think we all know
who the winner of
tonight's Mainiactors
Competition is.
Randy!
[gasps]
[grand music]
[music stops]
[groans]
- Dee Dee.
- [groans]
[door slams]
[cardboard bangs]
[groans]
[bell rings]
[grunting]
Let me get that for you.
Thanks.
I'm sorry
I didn't trust you, Dee Dee.
You can take care of yourself.
I was being
a helicopter girlfriend.
And I was being
a first-rate jerk.
I'm sorry, Dee Dee.
You deserve better.
That's OK, guys.
I realize
Dr. Lagaze was wrong anyway.
I'm not behind in my career.
I'm right where I need to be.
[clapping]
Bravo.
- Ugh.
- Ah!
What do you want?
I just thought I'd drop by
to see how heartbroken you are.
After all, for one brief,
thrilling moment,
you thought you were about
to be my girlfriend.
- [groans]
- That wasn't happening.
And I'm here to let you know
that you may have escaped
my sandbag prank,
but our war will never end.
Not until I completely
annihilate you. [laughs]
Yeah, just, uh,
hold that thought, Nolan.
I'm sorry. It's just--
[grunts]
- The darn thing won't open.
- Uh, here, here, let me try.
You just gotta--
[grunts]
[grunts]
Use some elbow grease.
Oh, this is pathetic.
Just move out of the way.
I'll do it.
[shouting]
This is the last time
you punk me!
You hear me, Nate Wright?
You're going down!
[choking]
- [sighs] I'll miss that guy.
- Really?
No.
I was acting.
[laughter]
Aw, man.
[upbeat rock music]
♪
Fun fact number, uh, 74
about me,
I have an arch nemesis.
His name is Nolan Vaughn,
and we've been waging
a prank war since third grade.
- [screams]
- [laughs]
[loud fart]
That war has continued
to this very day.
So I switched out
Nate's bike wheels
- with deep dish pizzas.
- Nice one, Nolan.
[laughs] Saucy!
What is wrong
with this thing?
Oh, come on.
Just open the locker.
[grunts]
Finally! Stupid locker.
After school, move all
my stuff into your locker.
Whatever you say, Nolan.
Hold it!
This was supposed to--
- [groans] Why didn't it--
- [chuckles]
[electronic beep]
- [explosion]
- Ah!
[grunts]
- [laughter]
- You got glued!
Security!
[snaps fingers]
This isn't over, Nolan!
What--what are you looking at?
Haven't you seen
a clown chicken before?
I'll be--
[squawks, clucks]
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
- Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[bell rings]
Prepare yourselves,
young thespians,
for The Mainiactors
Acting Competition,
where 11-year-olds partner up
to perform
wildly age-inappropriate scenes
from the classics!
What if your age is
undefined?
Oh, you needn't worry, Randall.
I'm sure they make exceptions
for prodigies like yourself.
This is a make it or
break it opportunity
for all you amateur thespians.
Make it,
and you'll be on your way
to a bright,
multi-hyphenate career!
Break it, and you'll be living
in your parents' basements,
relieving yourselves
in a bucket
for the rest of your lives.
- Or the life of your bucket.
- [chuckles]
A highly-esteemed actor will
judge this year's competition.
Let me guess.
- 'Tis you
- 'Tis moi
both: Lagaze!
[laughs]
Only one young thespian
will be crowned this year's
Maniactor.
I recommend you choose
your scene partners wisely,
or else.
[ominous music]
Ugh.
Nolan may have won
this round,
but I will win the war!
Teddy, whatcha got?
Ew. What is that?
The Butt Bomb 4000.
It provides an immersive
fart experience.
Genius!
Francis, How's that fire ant
milking coming along?
[gasps] Great.
Everyone must make sacrifices
in the war of awesome
versus evil.
Speaking of the war,
what if you called a truce?
And let Nolan win?
Are you quite mad, good sir?
Francis has a point, man.
I don't want to waste
all my best pranking years
- on Nolan.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's almost intolerable.
And I have a small twig
growing out of my ear.
That's, uh, great, Chad.
Thanks! I knew you guys
would be happy for me.
Dee Dee, how about you?
- [groaning]
- Uh, Dee Dee?
Dee Dee? What's up?
Oh, she's got
the scene partner blues.
It's this Mainiactors
Acting Competition.
Doctor Lagaze says it's
our last chance to make it big,
but I need
a showstopping partner.
Why don't you hold
auditions after school?
Maybe someone
will surprise you.
It couldn't hurt.
Now, I need a scene partner,
and I need one pronto.
Who's got that
star power stank?
Talk to me, people!
[inhales]
Would you mind
if I started over?
You haven't
said anything yet.
I wrote the letter in
blood red ink to paint
The picture I was trying to
get done with the deep ♪
♪
[laughs]
Uh, what should I do?
Surprise me.
[farts]
Special delivery!
[hisses]
[grunting]
What's up with
Brussels sprouts?
We keep telling our parents
we don't like them.
Oh, and how about arugula?
Or should I say, a-pew-gula?
♪
[chattering]
[yells]
[laughs]
You'll never out-prank me,
Nate Wright!
I'm stronger, I'm smarter--
And you stink at
snappy comebacks.
Hmm. Well, I'm rich, too.
- I'm way richer than you are.
- Pfft, so what?
Besides, I've got something
very important
that you will never have.
- What's that? Toe fungus?
- Yeah! Uh, no!
I'm talking about friends, jerkweed.
Friends!
[dramatic music]
I have friend.
He or she or they are
just not here right now.
♪
[chuckles]
Friends, huh?
Thanks, Nate Wright.
You just handed me the weapon
that's going to take you down.
[cackles]
[sighs]
Alas, my acting career is over.
I'm already 11,
and I don't even have
a celebrity candle that
smells like my teeth.
Unique New York,
round and down,
red rubber baby buggy bumpers.
[vocalizing]
Hey, what do you think
you're doing?
Uh, me?
I was--nothing.
I just happened to
overhear your, um, your--
- I was doing vocal warm ups.
- Yeah, but why?
Isn't it obvious? I'm getting
my voice nice and ready
for the Mainiactors Acting
competish. Ever heard of it?
Since when did you
get into theater?
Oh, I've always been
a thespian--
that means actor--
it runs in my blood.
[groans]
[dramatically]
Can't you see, Margaret?
It's this place
that's tearing us apart!
You think I like leaving you
every night?
I can't help it!
And I am ashamed, Margaret.
[crying]
I am ashamed!
He's actually good.
[groans]
OK, I called
this emergency meeting
to discuss my next move
in the ongoing
Nate versus Nolan prank war.
Now, what I'm thinking is--
uh, hang on. Where's Dee Dee?
She's in the auditorium
rehearsing with Nolan.
And spoiler alert.
Their chemistry,
it is sizzling!
both: What?
Dee Dee's making dra-magic
with my arch enemy?
What is she thinking?
Don't worry, Amy.
I'll take care of this.
Don't do it on my behalf.
I don't want to be
a helicopter girlfriend.
Yes, I do. I'll go with you.
[dramatically]
Where were you, Howard?
What do you care, Margaret?
I'm home now.
[gasps]
So it is true!
Hey, Nate.
Nice theater. Sike!
Nate, it's, uh--
not what it looks like.
[laughs]
It's exactly
what it looks like.
OK, not helping.
Amy, what are you doing here?
I should be asking myself
the same question.
That came out wrong.
Dee Dee, what gives?
How come you're contorting
with the enemy?
Nolan's not the enemy.
He's a really good actor.
And I'm--well, I'm thinking of
partnering with him
for the Mainiactors competition.
[dramatic music]
You cannot be serious.
I could have a real chance
of winning!
Is there a problem, milady?
Whoa, guy.
Who are you calling "milady"?
No, there's no problem.
They were just leaving.
Fine! We'll leave.
But I'll be watching you, Nolan.
And I've got my eye on you
like a hawk.
Ca-caw!
[grunts]
Like a hawk!
[screams]
All good.
Ca-caw, caw!
I'm so glad you decided
to join me
and my friends tonight,
Dee Dee.
No offense, Nolan,
but I didn't really know
you had friends.
[laughs] Hashtag harsh!
But fair.
I suppose I am a bit of
a lone wolf.
But you haven't met
the real Nolan.
[tires screech]
[gasps]
[laughter]
Attention people!
I want you to meet
my fellow actor and
[clears throat]
hopefully,
my new scene partner,
Dee Dee Holloway!
[all chattering]
Hi, I'm Cassandra.
I got my first acting job
in utero
doing a prenatal vitamin commercial.
Now I'm playing
Baguette Number Two
in "Les Misérables"
on Broadway.
- - Oh, sacré bleu!
- Broadway! Like, for real?
- Huh? Eh?
- Oh!
Uh, sorry.
What are you doing?
I'm mirroring you!
[laughs]
It's an acting exercise.
both: Whoa! This is cool!
Jinx! Double jinx!
[both laugh]
Tell me about your career,
Dee Dee.
What's your latest project?
Oh, um,
I was in a commercial.
That's where
I recognized you from!
Don't cast
your thunder asunder ♪
Here's some roses
just because!
Oh, thank you.
Wow, Nolan,
your friends are so cool,
and serious about acting.
I know.
We're the real deal.
Aren't you glad you picked me
as your scene partner?
I think I may have
misjudged you, Nolan.
[dramatic music]
I can't tell if
this is a theater group
or a holiday
I don't know about.
Oh, I like those.
Gram has one where she sneaks
into my room
on the 5th of September
and screams.
She calls it
[in guttural voice]
"Chad."
[shudders]
This is serious, guys.
Dee Dee is being
brainwashed by Nolan!
I don't know, Nate.
She seems really happy.
- [groans]
- Nate's right.
Not to be all
"I'm from New York,"
but I'm from New York,
so I know theater kids.
And I didn't hear one show tune
or see anyone crying on cue.
Exactly. Which means it's
time we do a little research
on Nolan's theater friends.
- Zip!
- Zap!
Zop!
[laughter]
Ooh, [indistinct]
What? This Cassandra kid
is 23 years old!
Guys, listen to this!
"Scene one, Nolan's.
"Nolan introduces Dee Dee to
his theater friends.
"Scene two, park.
Nolan and Dee Dee play Zip,
Zap, Zop with theater friends."
Holy cow!
They've got everything
scripted out.
It's like Dee Dee's life
is a TV show!
I wonder who plays me?
I hope he's hot.
- [laughter]
- Oh, man, this was so fun.
Now's our chance.
Follow Nolan!
♪
[whistles]
Ah!
[shouts, laughs]
How were we?
Fully believable.
- Dee Dee didn't suspect a thing.
- Yes!
I told my husband I could still
play 11 to 15-year-olds.
[bells ring]
Thanks for the gig, Nolan.
[voice breaking]
My career has really dried up
since my voice started changing.
Ugh, I thought I had
my embryonic foot in the door,
but I haven't gotten
any acting gigs since.
Hey, it pays to be friends
with Nolan Vaughn.
- Right on.
- Yeah, it does.
[camera shutter clicks]
Well, gang, I think we have
all the evidence we need.
It's crystal clear that
Nolan is using Dee Dee
as a pawn in our prank war.
Step one, Nolan pretends to be
interested in acting.
- [gibberish]
- Fake!
Step two, using actors
posing as theater kids,
he convinces Dee Dee to be
his partner in the competition.
- [gibberish]
- [gibberish]
Fake!
Step three,
during the competition,
he humiliates Dee Dee on stage,
knowing that will lure me
out of the audience.
[gibberish]
[crying]
Step four,
he then proceeds to punk me
in front of a packed auditorium
and declares himself
the winner of the prank war.
- [laughs]
- [screams]
- Ow, my elbow!
- It's diabolical.
Wow. I can't believe
Nolan would do that.
[door slams]
Ah!
- Do what?
- Ooh!
Uh, Dee Dee!
Nolan's friends are really--
well, they aren't
who they say they are.
What are you talking about?
We did some digging around
in their bags
while you guys were at
the park and--
Wait, hold up.
You guys were spying on me?
Well, um, yeah,
but it was for your own good.
See, it turns out that
Nolan was all along--
I don't want to hear it.
I can't believe
you were spying on me!
- We were worried about you.
- Huh.
And what about you, Nate?
Were you "worried" about me?
Or were you just obsessed with
taking Nolan down?
Uh, can't I be both?
I'm going over to
Nolan's to rehearse.
Don't follow me!
I sort of think
Dee Dee's right.
We made a mistake.
Guys, guys, guys,
we can't give up now.
Remember who
we're dealing with?
Nolan Vaughn.
I know how his mind works.
Dude, enough with
all the Nolan Vaughn stuff.
You're obsessed!
- Uh, I'm out.
- Hmm.
[scoffs]
I'm not obsessed.
But we should probably
go over to Nolan's
and track his movements,
you know?
Just to make sure that
Dee Dee's OK, of course.
Totally.
Dee Dee,
I love the daring choices
you're making in this scene.
Thank you, Nolan, but--
- [sighs]
- What's wrong?
Oh, it's just your friends
all have such amazing careers.
Me?
[groans]
You will be
a bigger star
than all my friends
put together.
I promise you, tomorrow,
everyone's going to know
the name Dee Dee Holloway.
Ah!
Gah!
What a phony Nolan is!
Pretending to be
Dee Dee's friend
so he can make a fool of her
at the competition.
We can't let him
get away with it!
I agree, but Dee Dee knows
we suspect him.
If we want to keep an eye
on things,
we'll have to go
deep undercover.
No problem.
Deepness is my specialty.
What?
Welcome to the Mainiactors
Regional Acting Competition!
[cheers and applause]
W--wait!
[gasps] What's this?
A dramatic entrance?
We want to be in
the competition!
Ah, yes!
I sense your drive,
your hunger,
your desperation.
Congratulations! You're in.
I'm not leaving you behind!
I'm already gone, Klausky.
[coughs]
Half my torso is spread across
Normandy beach.
Just promise me you'll do
one thing for me!
Anything.
I scooped out my kidney
and put it in my right pocket.
[gasps]
Make sure my son gets it.
Promise me you'll--
[choking]
No!
[cheers and applause]
Oh! [sniffles]
Nothing like
a battlefield scene
to get the waterworks going.
Can you top that, Ms. Holloway?
[western music]
We've eaten all our rations
and--
[music stops]
[chickens clucking]
[sheep baaing]
Line.
Now we're gonna have to
eat each other.
And now we're going to
have to eat each other.
[horse neighing]
[both gnawing]
Such animal magnetism!
[sneaky music]
Psst!
♪
Hey, aren't those
Nolan's fake actor friends?
What's he up to?
[groans]
Excuse me, Dee Dee.
I need to poop.
I understand.
Shed your baggage.
[sneaky music]
Mm, do you have them?
Got 'em right here,
just like you ordered.
And what about the
other items we discussed?
Ah, here you go, chief.
But it has to be a surprise.
Don't bring this stuff on stage
until I give you the signal.
10-4, boss.
She'll never know what hit her.
[gasps]
Did you hear that?
Nolan's going to hit Dee Dee
with whatever's in the box.
Oh, not today, he's not.
No, Nate! If we expose Nolan now,
Dee Dee won't be able
to do her scene.
She'll lose her chance to
win the competition,
and she'll be devastated!
OK, then, fine.
We'll wait until
the very last moment.
[breathing heavily]
Finished.
I punished that porcelain.
Um, good.
I think we're up.
[exhales]
[dramatically]
Where were you, Howard?
What do you care, Margaret?
I'm home now.
Ain't that good enough for you?
You're not fooling anyone,
Howard!
Where do you go every night?
Well, if you're
going to keep asking,
I guess I'll have to
tell you everything.
[whispering]
What are you doing?
This isn't in the script.
Margaret, prepare yourself
for the surprise of your life.
Not so fast!
[gasps]
Nate? Amy?
What are you doing here?
[whispering]
Don't break character, Dee Dee.
Keep the scene going.
[loudly]
Who are you two strangers?
We are, uh--
- The police!
- Your neighbors.
Uh, your police neighbors!
We've come to expose Howard
for the scoundrel that he is.
Howard, what are these
police neighbors talking about?
- We're talking about this.
- Hey! Give it to me!
First, you're gonna tell us
what's in the box.
- [grunts] Hand it over!
- No!
[grunts]
You fools!
You've ruined everything!
You thought you were gonna
get away with your evil plan.
But you forgot
I'm the prank king.
- Ah! Ooh!
- [gasps]
Flowers?
Nolan, what is going on?
Um, I was improvising.
They were for you.
Dee Dee, your acting partner
is a fraud.
Those probably
aren't even flowers.
Actually, you know what?
They could be dynamite.
Duck and cover, everybody!
This place is gonna blow!
- [audience gasps]
- Grenade!
"Dearest Dee Dee,
please be my sweetie.
I had fun in our scene
and I think you're so keen"?
Oh, no.
W--wait a minute.
What's happening right now?
What about our prank war?
We saw you pay those actors
to do your evil bidding.
I admit, this all started as
a plan to take you down, Nate,
by destroying your friendship
with Dee Dee.
But you won me over with
your passion,
your spirit, your star quality.
Uh-huh.
Keep talking.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me see this.
"But you won me over with
your passion,
your spirit, your
star quality."
Dee Dee, this jerk
is still acting!
This is all part of his plan!
[audience gasps]
And it worked!
I kept you on stage
long enough to do this.
[dramatic music]
[slow motion]
No!
[rope snaps]
[yells]
[grunts]
So you only chose me
as a scene partner
so you could settle
a score with Nate?
Uh yeah, basically.
And Nate,
you were so obsessed with
your stupid prank war that
you invaded my privacy
and turned my scene
into a dumpster fire?
"Dumpster fire" feels
a little extreme.
Dee Dee, I--
Don't get me started
on you, girl!
Oh!
[exhales deeply]
You know what? You know what?
I don't need some dumb
competition to make me a star.
I'll get there on my own!
[audience gasps]
I quit!
[distant scream]
[clapping slowly]
[cheers and applause]
Wow.
Hey, Dee Dee.
I think that's all for you.
I think we all know
who the winner of
tonight's Mainiactors
Competition is.
Randy!
[gasps]
[grand music]
[music stops]
[groans]
- Dee Dee.
- [groans]
[door slams]
[cardboard bangs]
[groans]
[bell rings]
[grunting]
Let me get that for you.
Thanks.
I'm sorry
I didn't trust you, Dee Dee.
You can take care of yourself.
I was being
a helicopter girlfriend.
And I was being
a first-rate jerk.
I'm sorry, Dee Dee.
You deserve better.
That's OK, guys.
I realize
Dr. Lagaze was wrong anyway.
I'm not behind in my career.
I'm right where I need to be.
[clapping]
Bravo.
- Ugh.
- Ah!
What do you want?
I just thought I'd drop by
to see how heartbroken you are.
After all, for one brief,
thrilling moment,
you thought you were about
to be my girlfriend.
- [groans]
- That wasn't happening.
And I'm here to let you know
that you may have escaped
my sandbag prank,
but our war will never end.
Not until I completely
annihilate you. [laughs]
Yeah, just, uh,
hold that thought, Nolan.
I'm sorry. It's just--
[grunts]
- The darn thing won't open.
- Uh, here, here, let me try.
You just gotta--
[grunts]
[grunts]
Use some elbow grease.
Oh, this is pathetic.
Just move out of the way.
I'll do it.
[shouting]
This is the last time
you punk me!
You hear me, Nate Wright?
You're going down!
[choking]
- [sighs] I'll miss that guy.
- Really?
No.
I was acting.
[laughter]
Aw, man.
[upbeat rock music]
♪