Call Me Kat (2021) s02e06 Episode Script

1 I'm never gonna be able to find an apartment I can afford.
Well, I can't say I'm rooting for you to leave.
I mean, who else am I gonna make meatless paella for on Meatless Paella Monday? The names of these places are so misleading.
Magnolia Terrace.
Blue Springs Vista.
They should call them Small, Hot Caves and No Natural Light, Cockroach Dump Truck.
You know, cockroacs are really misunderstood.
They're actually evolutionary miracles.
Okay, then you move there.
Hello.
This place could be called: Mom-Barges-In Estates, fully furnished with stuff she'll criticize.
What is that awful smell? Dinner.
Oh, yum.
Oh, looks like someone's been shopping.
Well, Preston and I are going on vacation, and I needed some new things.
What do you think? Are you going to Miami in the '80s? You're getting too comfortable with me.
And we're going to Bora Bora.
Yeah, I bet it won't be "Bora Boring.
" Maybe I could live in this windowless basement.
While I'm gone, I was hoping you could stop by the house each evening to pick up the mail and turn on some lights so it looks like someone's home.
And then go back in the morning and turn them off again? Oh, could you? You're such a dear.
Sheila, you know you can get the lights that turn off and on by themselves.
Yeah, I've got mine set to go on every day at dusk.
Sounds like witchcraft.
You can also control them with the sound of your voice.
Alexa, turn on party lights.
Okay.
Oh, it gets better.
Alexa, play dance music.
Here's Nectar radio on Amazon Music.
- I took an arrow to the heart - Ooh! Meatless Paella Mondays include a dance interlude.
- Ooh, I like this.
- Strawberries and something more May I have this dance? - Absolutely.
- Ooh, yeah I want it all - Lipstick on my guitar - Again, too comfortable.
Ooh Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me.
I can't understand why someone who lifts heavy packages for a living, would go to the gym on his day off.
Max invited me.
Oh.
So you two really are friends.
And it's all because of me? I should pat myself on the back for that.
Ooh, I should do this more.
I really like it.
I'm looking forward to it.
Max belongs to a really cool gym, and it's a chance to bro out.
Bro out? You know, spend time with other guys but while doing something physical so you don't have to talk to each other.
I've been told I talk too much.
Especially during Well, it's early.
We don't need to go into detail.
I suspect this is about more than bro-ing out.
You want to show off, don't you? So much.
I really bulked up since everyone started ordering those online mattresses.
Really? I haven't noticed.
I have totally noticed.
Wow.
- I'll call you later.
- All right.
Have fun, uh, pumping or lifting or whatever you're gonna do.
- Hey, Randi.
- Hey, Oscar, looking good.
Keep ordering those mattresses, folks.
So, how'd it go? Did you like the apartment? - There was a toilet in the kitchen.
- Ooh.
But, Kat, there's something I need to talk to you about.
On my way back, I was sitting at a red light and I saw your mother's boyfriend walk out of a restaurant with another woman.
What? Yeah, and they were really into each other.
Definitely vibing.
How'd you even know it was Preston? You've never met him.
Well, he's all over Sheila's Instagram.
My mother has Instagram? And TikTok.
Although, somethings it's unclear if she understands that her videos can be seen by everybody.
Kat, I'm sure it was him.
And I'm sure it was completely innocent.
I hang out with Max, and I'm not cheating on Oscar.
Oh, I hate to break it to you, but people think you are.
Costumers talk about it all the time.
Yeah, I stopped trying to correct them and started joining in.
You're making fun of me, but you're only proving my point.
Poor Sheila.
How're you gonna break it to her? I'm not.
All we have is something Randi thinks she saw.
If I were gonna tell my mother, I would need concrete evidence.
Well, then, let's go get some.
What do you mean, like, spy? Yes.
We can get in my car and follow him.
Oh, I don't know if I feel comfortable spying on Preston.
I-I can't even watch a cat licking itself.
All right, then don't.
Just put it in the back of your mind, where it gnaws at you day and night.
Night and day.
Fine.
We'll spy.
Oh! I love this! It's like watching an episode of CSI: Louisville.
Yeah! Hey, man, crushed it.
- Boom.
- Your turn.
- All right.
I got to match that.
- All right.
Yeah.
- What's up? - Ah, saved by the Oscar.
- I didn't know you belonged to this gym.
- I don't.
Max invited me.
Oh, okay.
Cool, cool.
I figured the more, the sweatier.
Mind if I give this a try? You warmed up? I'm always warm.
That's a weird flex, but okay.
It took me weeks to get this weight.
If you want to, you Oh.
Oh! Dude.
Mattresses.
That's another weird flex.
I really, uh, like this gym.
Yeah, they got a cardio room, they got a pool.
Right, right, but the, uh, the weight room is kind of our domain.
I notice they offer yoga classes.
You guys want to try that next time? That'd be cool.
I'm in.
You're in? Great, we can drive over together.
Wait, wait, uh, what about weight lifting? What about our domain? We'll have two domains, you know? Let's expand the kingdom.
Have you ever done yoga before? Have I done yoga? No.
I think you'll really like it.
It's super athletic.
It takes, uh, strength, skill, flexibility.
You've, um, already got the whole package.
Accurate.
All right, let's get flexible.
I stand by that.
Okay, that's my mom's house right over there.
She's gonna be at bridge club for the next four hours.
Five if they make margaritas.
Perfect time for that dirty bastard to sneak out without her knowing.
Okay, he's not a dirty bastard yet.
Your mom let this crusty old dude move into her house and now he's got a side piece? That is my definition of a dirty bastard.
Again, I think we need to put a pin in "dirty bastard" until we have proof.
- All right, so we wait.
- Yes, and I have waiting supplies.
I've got chips and candy and bubble gum for the bubble-blowing competition I'll explain later.
Mad Libs.
So fun.
And I got a vegetarian supreme pizza with extra mushrooms.
I know you said you love mushrooms.
Actually, I said I did mushrooms once.
Got lost in the ball pit at a kids' pizza place, but I appreciate the thought.
Ooh, look, Preston's getting in his car.
Ooh, guess it's on like Donkey Kong.
Okay, no one says that anymore, but I'll let you have this one.
Uh, I need an adjective.
Spacious.
- Noun.
- Walk-in closet.
Another noun? Underground parking.
Boy, you really are stuck on this apartment thing.
I need a place of my own, Kat, and I've looked everywhere.
At this point, I'd be willing to live in my car.
You're currently sitting in my guest bedroom.
All right, let's see where we are.
Uh, "Even though the moon first appears as a spacious slice of light and finally becomes a full walk-in closet doesn't change its underground parking.
" I mean, this game is brilliant.
We've been following this guy for almost an hour.
Basically we're just running errands with him.
Ah, are you saying that maybe you were wrong? No, I'm saying if he's cheating, then he's not doing it tonight.
Okay, so let's call it.
Or we pull over, eat the pizza and play more Mad Libs.
I won't tell you which one I'm voting for.
Ooh, wait, Preston's parking - in front of that apartment building.
- Oh.
Oh, he's getting out with a bouquet of flowers.
Wait, when did he get those? Maybe when he was at the supermarket? We're not very good at this.
We'd be better if you weren't hitting me with Mad Libs while I'm trying to stalk.
Ooh, look at Preston's swagger.
Is he whistling? Ooh, I want to slap that whistle right off his cheating cheetah lips.
You know, maybe he's visiting one of his kids.
I think he has a son who still lives in the area.
Well, does his son have a thing for enormous bouquets of red roses? He could be visiting a-a sick friend.
Or a sick aunt.
Or maybe he's a member of some underground flower-arranging club.
Kat, I love your optimism, but every once in a while, you need to see the bad in people.
I'm sorry, I just believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
It's a nicer way to live.
Pretty sure it's why I don't have wrinkles.
Your skin is very good.
Thank you.
And so far, we don't have evidence of anything other than Preston likes to dip his fries in a milkshake while he drives.
And I'm sure Sheila would have something to say about fast food in the car.
Oh, she certainly did when I tried it in hers.
Lost all my food privileges.
I mean, I was 32 years old.
I know how to eat in a car without spilling.
You know what? We're gonna have to take this to the next level.
I agree.
What does that mean? Follow me.
Bring the pizza.
What about the Mad Libs? Let the damn Mad Libs go.
Ah, class was awesome.
I feel like I'm at least an inch taller.
Yeah, yoga's great for loosening you up and stretching you out.
I'll grab some beers.
Hey, you want some ice? You landed on your butt pretty hard.
- My butt is fine.
- Okay.
Ah! Come on, man.
Somebody didn't find their zen.
You, uh, got a new bartender? My cousin Darren.
Every couple years he rolls back into town broke and needing a job.
My grandma guilts me into hiring him and then a week later I got to fire him.
Last time he started a grease fire in the kitchen, tried to put it out with vodka.
The good stuff.
Oh.
Seriously, I've never felt more relaxed after a workout.
And I've never been so tight.
Yeah, people don't usually swear during a yoga class.
Come here, you big toe bitch! You know why I couldn't relax? It was too damn hot in there.
The heat's supposed to increase your heart rate, help your body release toxins.
Oh, Carter definitely released some toxins.
That wasn't me.
- It wasn't me! - It's okay, it's all, uh, part of the process.
I'm ready to get back to lifting.
We on for Thursday morning? Actually, I think I'm going to a yoga class with Oscar.
- Again? - You should come, too.
- I promise it gets easier.
- Nah, nah.
Uh-uh, I'm good.
You two enjoy.
Good luck stretching your way through a street fight.
Hey, Darren, I need some ice.
Oh, you know what, dude? I think I messed up.
I pressed the button on the machine and all the ice melted, - so - Darren, you fired.
Yep.
Grandma already on her way to pick me up, so You know, I-I changed my mind.
I don't think we should do this.
It's an invasion of privacy.
Plus, I don't even know what I would say if Preston sees me.
-I get it.
We can totally go home.
Can I have that? Well, weird time for a snack, and that's coming from me.
- Randi, no! - Too late.
Hi.
Pizza delivery.
Sorry I'm late, there was traffic.
Preston, baby, did you order food? Getting harder to believe it's an aunt.
You know what? I think I have the wrong apartment.
Ooh, but before I go, I love your hardwood floors.
Do all the units have them? What about laundry? Do you have a pool in this building? This is not how you treat a potential neighbor.
I hate being right.
No you don't.
In this case, I do.
See, the trick is to hinge at the hips, keep your feet planted and lift with your legs.
Hinge, plant, lift.
Sounds like a hardware store.
I'll coach you through it.
You ready? Don't you normally do this kind of thing with Max? Where's he? Well, uh, Max has decided to walk a different fitness path, in the form of yoga, with Oscar.
B-But I don't care, 'cause I got my great friend Phil to spot.
I am flattered, but don't you have other brawnier friends who enjoy lifting things up over their heads? Honestly, I lost most of my friends in the divorce.
As horrible as my ex-wife was to me, she is a party in cheetah-print stilettos.
Honey, I lifting weights just isn't my thing.
Then why'd you say you'd come? Well, I didn't think we would actually work out.
I thought we would just take a lap, see who we know and grab a bite.
Look, I think you should try this once.
Okay? Okay, on the count of three.
- One, two - Three.
Oh! - Yeah! - Oh! Oh! Way to go, Phil.
Oh, I feel so good.
Yeah, you do.
Oh! Breakfast is on me.
So, it was definitely Preston? Yep, no doubt about it.
And he has the audacity to be cheating in one of the nicest one-bedroom-plus-office apartments I have ever seen.
What? It's like he's taunting me.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
I was tossing and turning all night.
- Well, you have to tell Sheila.
- Do I? I wish somebody had told me that Marty was stepping out.
Other than Marty.
And what if Oscar was cheating? You would want to know, right? I guess so.
Ouch, just thinking about that hurts.
And remember what happened with Daniel? You had found out he'd been married, and you didn't tell me right away.
I didn't want to upset you.
But you did upset me, even more than if you had just told me straight out.
And he wasn't even cheating.
Imagine how hurt and mad Sheila would be if she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her.
And now that I know, I don't know how long I can keep it in.
Hello, all.
Hello, Mother.
What is so important that you had to rush me up here? Oh, we didn't rush.
You got a coffee, you didn't like it, I made you a new coffee, you said hi to three cats.
It encourages them.
The cats with higher self-esteem get adopted faster.
Come, come sit with me.
Y you seem stressed.
Oh, you got your first wrinkle.
I'll make an appointment with my guy.
No, please don't do that.
Well, at least take this cream.
It's experimental, but it stings, so you know it's doing something.
Mother Preston is cheating on you.
I know.
You do? The woman's name is Susan, He's been seeing her for a few months now.
But h Wh Wait, are the two of you, like, keeping things open? I mean, if so, that's great, you know? I just need to try to figure out how to forget all this and wash my brain with soap.
No, no.
Preston is cheating on me.
He doesn't know I know.
Well, how did you find out? He's stupid.
Well, I know that.
The first clue was he bought a new toupee.
Then he stopped wearing socks with his loafers.
Things added up pretty quickly after that.
W why are you still with him? Nobody's perfect.
I don't like to be alone.
And when he's with me, we have a nice time.
It's not ideal, but it's good enough.
But you could meet other people.
Uh, join a few dating apps.
Like, see who's out there.
Sweetie, I've watched you try to date over the years, and, no offense, but what a nightmare.
So so you're just done? This is it for you? I already met the love of my life.
And had 42 wonderful years with him.
Everything after your father is just a bonus.
Besides, it's nice to have someone around who can put up shelves and clean the gutters.
Well, what you just described is a handyman, and we can get you one of those.
Well, what if I fall down the stairs? There's a button for that.
I'll sign you up.
What about our vacation who's gonna carry my suitcases? A bellman or two or three? Just pack less.
I'm fine with the way things are.
You deserve more than fine.
I mean, what is it you always told me? Never settle for crumbs when you're worth a whole cookie.
I can see now why you don't like me interfering in your love life.
It's annoying.
Please, stay out of it.
I'll leave the cream.
Uh, don't wear it while you sleep.
It'll burn a hole in your pillowcase.
We're getting a little low on rum.
Well, order some.
You're the one always pushing mai tais.
Okay.
- Are you all right? - Oh, I'm fine.
Come on, Carter.
Something's bothering you.
Well, maybe it's that I had to work out with Phil this morning, and my whole day's been off ever since.
Well, you and I can work out on Friday.
Well, we used to work out on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
That was my week.
Friday is like a whole other way of living.
Well, I mean, you could come with Oscar and me to yoga.
Come on, man.
You saw me at yoga.
I looked like some sort of wounded grasshopper.
And where the hell did Oscar come from? Working out was our thing.
So you miss me.
How could I miss you? We spend all day together.
Carter, I'm not dumping you for Oscar.
You're not? Of course not.
You are the best guy friend I ever had, and that's not gonna change.
Wow, that yoga really helped me get in touch with my emotions.
Ooh.
What about you, flexy? Don't treat me like a ten-year-old.
Well, you are a ten-year-old.
Ten-year-olds flinch.
- Uh - Look at you flinch.
Hey, don't hit me unless you want it to go down.
I've been lifting weights.
You've been standing on one leg with both arms in the air.
All right, how about this: one week we'll lift weights, one week we'll do yoga.
Is Oscar gonna be there? Yes.
Oscar's a great guy, and I hate to break it to you, but he's stronger than you are.
- No, he's not.
- Only one way to find out.
Okay, I will see both of you at the gym tomorrow.
Tomorrow's yoga.
Damn.
- Oh - Flinched again.
I swear to God, you Wait, how about this one? Co-op building, one bedroom, one bath, walkable neighborhood.
Ooh, let me see.
Oh, nope.
I've been to that one.
The co-op building is just some creepy guy's house.
Gross.
He did say he would do my laundry for me, though.
So I'm keeping it on my "maybe" list.
Hi.
May I come in? Absolutely.
Hey, Sheila.
I ended things with Preston.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Me too.
I was hoping I I could stay here for a few days.
I'd rather not be there while he packs his things.
Of course.
Anything you need.
I'd love a cup of tea.
No sugar, splash of lemon.
Uh-huh.
Coming right up.
And then, I was thinking, while I'm here, we could start going through your closet.
I have a lot of thoughts.
Ooh, I do, too.
This is gonna be fun.
- Did you find the towels? - I did.
And I regret not bringing my own.
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night.
- Katharine? - Yeah? I love you.
I love you, too.
Is it hot in here? Thank you.
Okay, let's move into standing tree pose.
I always wanted to be a tree.
You're my beautiful tree.
Whoa.
How do you-how Oh, sorry, sorry.
- Whoa! Whoa! - Sorry! I'm sorry.
Hey, good news.
You're not the worst anymore.
Worst? Pretty soon I'll be teaching this class.
Can we just go get lunch? In the forest of your mind Leave the darkness of the shadows Can you find There's a lot, you got to focus And you will.