Chuck s02e06 Episode Script
Chuck Versus the Ex
CHUCK: Hey, I'm Chuck.
Here's a couple of things that you might need to know.
So do you have a girlfriend? -I did a while back at Stanford.
GIRL: Oh.
Yeah, her name was Jill.
We met freshmen year.
We had so much in common then.
Bryce Larkin, dude pretended to be his buddy sexed up his girl, then got him kicked out.
Stanford was five years ago.
You need to move on.
Fine, I'll get over Jill tomorrow.
[IGGY POP'S "PUMPIN' FOR JILL" PLAYING ON STEREO.]
Hey, Chuck.
That's the dude who got kicked out for cheating.
Yeah, I didn't cheat, actually.
Thanks.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING.]
Oh.
Hey, if you guys don't mind, I'm just gonna borrow these.
Continue your game.
I'm gonna have to turn this off too.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
-Jill? BOY 1: Hey, man.
Come on.
BOY 2: What are you doing? Come on.
Jill, hey.
It's Chuck.
Please, I want a chance to explain my side, face-to-face.
If Jill wanted to speak to you, she would've returned one of your 28 phone calls.
Hi, Shari.
Is she up there? [SIGHS.]
Jill-- I, uh.
I was on break at work.
I'm actually working at a Buy More, ha, of all places, yeah.
And I drove, you know, to see you and to tell you that I still love you.
[CROWD GROANS.]
BOY 3 [COUGHS.]
: Loser.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING.]
Chuck.
Hey.
Hey, Jill, hey.
Um, I think I've thoroughly, publicly embarrassed myself, uh, enough.
So think maybe we could go talk over some coffee or something like that? It's too late, Chuck.
It's over.
When you say it's over, you mean this conversation's over, right? To be continued at the Starbucks? [SIGHS.]
She's dating Bryce Larkin now, Chuck.
BOY 3: Oh, damn.
-Bryce? SHARI: Deal with it.
-It that true? BOY 4: Told you he was a loser.
[IGGY POP'S "PUMPIN' FOR JILL" PLAYING ON STEREO.]
I'm sorry, Chuck.
[BELL RINGS.]
Oh.
Well, I hate to disturb your reverie there, Chuck.
I'm gonna need you to get to the Sheraton conference center for a tech-support call, pronto.
Sure thing, Emmett.
-Any Boston cream in there? -Oh, yes, several.
Ah.
Why, Emmett, you shouldn't have.
[EMMETT LAUGHS.]
Oh, they just look delicious.
Oh.
[SNIFFS.]
-Mmm.
EMMETT: Ha-ha-ha.
Oh.
[MIKE CHOKING.]
Oh, my God.
Are you breathing? Did you? [GRUNTING.]
Try to relax, man.
Oh, my God, you're big.
EMMETT: Help! Management emergency.
Emmett, you're doing it wrong.
Hold his mouth open, reach down and grab it.
[GROANS.]
Guess that way works too.
Are there any more doughnuts? CHUCK: So bioscience conference.
Bet these things get pretty wild, huh? All right, so the network should now be all set up with 10base-T Ethernet connecting all the servers for the conference with the firewall in place.
Is there a problem? Can you tell me if the attractive, brown-eyed, egg-heady brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here? She's here.
-Why, who is she? -Jill Roberts, my ex-girlfriend.
She broke my heart.
Uh.
I need-- I need a diversion.
Would it be a terrible imposition for you to pull the fire alarm? JILL: Hi.
Dr.
Jill Roberts.
Is there someone that can help me with the tech for my lecture? LONNIE: Under the desk.
-What? -Chuck? -Ha.
It was the, uh, flange just there.
Chuck Bartowski.
Present.
Yes, that's me.
It's me, Jill.
Jill.
Oh, my gosh.
-Of course.
Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hi.
-Ha, ha.
Hey, you.
How are you, huh? -So good to see you.
-You too.
How long has it been? Five years, four months.
Ish.
Give or take.
Kind of in that neighborhood.
Uh, what have you been up to? Uh, well, after Stanford, I got my Ph.
D.
in Biomedical Engineering.
CHUCK: Did you? -Yeah.
I'm giving a presentation on infectious diseases.
-Lovely.
-And you? And me.
And me? Uh, still in the computer game, you know? Yeah.
I work/own my own little company.
Sixteen, 17-- I can't remember which.
--stores.
Every once in a while, I like to do the installs myself don the uni, kind of get my hands mussy.
I'm happy for you, Chuck.
The last time I saw you, you were-- You were working at a Buy More.
Aah! It was a wonderful growing experience.
Really character-building.
And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Well, there's definitely some things I would change.
Especially about us.
There you are.
We're running late.
Oh, Guy.
Uh, this is my old friend Chuck Bartowski.
Chuck, this is my boss, Guy LaFleur.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Um.
I work with germs, so you know.
I'm sure your friend's busy, has, uh, computers to fix.
-Shall we? JILL: Sure.
[SIGHS.]
Chuck, I'm staying at the Hotel Waldron.
So give me a call if you wanna grab a cup of coffee.
Yeah, uh, well, you know, busy.
I'll check with my people.
[CHUCKLES.]
Your ex-girlfriend's boss, Guy LaFleur, is the head research scientist for the European company Cole-MacGregor Pharmaceuticals.
Ml6 reports that he may have developed a bioweapon which he plans to sell to the highest bidder.
-Is Jill involved? BECKMAN: It's your job to find out, Chuck.
Casey and Sarah will surveil Dr.
LaFleur.
We need you to reconnect with Jill, find out what she knows about Guy.
Right, right, right.
When you say reconnect, you mean send her an e-mail? Or invite her to be my new Facebook friend, right? Call her at her hotel and make a date.
See if you flash on anything she says or anyone you meet.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
A date with my ex? No, general, that is a terrible idea.
You see, she broke my heart.
She destroyed me, she took all of my confidence, my mojo-- -You had mojo? CHUCK: I was on my way.
By the way, she slept with Bryce Larkin.
Hmm.
Who hasn't? Look, Chuck, I know that Jill hurt you.
But maybe seeing her again will give you the closure you've wanted.
You have done a lot for the CIA and we're gonna make you look good.
Look on the bright side: Now you can get your mojo back.
As you already know, we nearly lost our dear leader today.
And to what? One tiny little carb-filled doughnut.
Please, we lost Big Mike to doughnuts years ago.
[ALL LAUGH.]
I shudder to think how people like you would respond to an actual catastrophe: a fire, an earthquake.
An all-out race war.
[LAUGHS.]
[COUGHS.]
And that is why Michael and I have decided to implement an emergency-preparedness course.
It so happens one of your colleagues knew someone willing to teach it.
Buenos dias, class.
Hey, uh, you sure you wanna do this? I love volunteer work, Chuck.
Besides, CPR's a breeze.
A child could learn to do it.
Well, then maybe you have a shot.
Uh, hey, you're in great hands.
-Awesome is who certified me.
-You might be certified, Chuck.
But you still have to take the test like everyone else.
Let's go, Romeo.
Time for your big date.
CIAâs wasting a lot of tax dollars to make you look good.
Okay, so who's ready to pound some plastic? Hey.
Wow.
New suit? You have a big date? No big date.
Why? -It looks expensive.
-No.
No, no, no.
It was cheap.
Yeah, real cheap.
It was on sale.
I had a coupon.
Uh-huh.
I think it's cute you get all dressed up for Sarah.
She's lucky.
-Hey, sis? -Hmm? Um, do you ever think about your ex-boyfriend, Doug Wald? No, why? Let's say totally randomly, old Douggy, you know, you guys ran into each other and he asked you out to dinner to catch up.
What would you say? I guess theoretically I'd say yes.
I'm so glad you said that.
You see, I'm not going out with Sarah tonight.
I'm actually going out with Jill.
Jill? No.
No, no, no.
No.
Absolutely not.
-What about what you said about Doug? -Forget what I said, okay? There's no scenario in which you go to dinner with the girl that dumped you and slept with your best friend.
-Chuck, you bought a new suit? -I told you, coupon.
Chuck, look, I'm trying not to be the overprotective big sister.
You? Never.
It's just that I know that she hurt you, you know? I don't wanna see you go through that again.
But: [CLUTCH GRINDS.]
[CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING.]
[TAXI HONKS HORN.]
CAB DRIVER: Learn how to drive.
-Sticky clutch.
Ha-ha-ha.
Remind me to have my assistant have that fixed.
I think the valet is up a little further.
Beautiful night for a walk, huh? Shall we? Okay.
Here we go.
Thank you.
Hey, Mr.
Bartowski.
-Welcome.
-Thank you.
-Hope you haven't been waiting.
This way.
-Hey.
WAITER: Hello, sir.
CHUCK: Thank you, yeah.
Hello.
Yeah, hello.
MAN: Bartowski, good to see you.
-Hey.
WOMAN 1: Hi there.
WOMAN 2: Hi.
Looking good, Mr.
Bartowski.
Looking good.
[WHISPERS.]
Is everyone in here CIA? Of course.
WAITER: Your table, sir.
-Thank you very much.
Here, let me get that for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you, Jonathan.
[GROWLS.]
Wow, I'm impressed.
-It's like you own the place.
-No, no, no.
God, no.
Just, uh-- Just an investor.
I mean, what can I say? I'm a sucker for a good veal parm.
Good evening, Mr.
Bartowski.
Can I get you two anything to drink? The usual perhaps, a 2000 Les Fiefs de Lagrange? Oui, oui.
I'm really glad things turned out so well for you, Chuck.
Especially after, well, you know, what happened.
Yeah, uh, about that.
Um.
Jill, I never stole those tests.
Well, that doesn't matter now.
Sure, it doesn't matter now.
[OVER RADIO.]
You know, now that I drive a fine Italian automobile and I'm alarmingly well-known at this particular restaurant but I needed you to believe me when it did matter.
I do believe you, Chuck.
And maybe I should have believed you at Stanford.
But the tests were in your room and Bryce said you were cheating.
[OVER RADIO.]
What was I supposed to think? Yeah, Bryce must have made a very convincing argument for you to dump me and then hop right into his bed.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr.
Bartowski, but there's a phone call for you at the bar.
Excuse me.
[CASEY SCOFFS.]
-What do you think you're doing? -Getting closure.
She owes me an explanation.
No, she doesn't.
She exercised her First Amendment right to dump you.
Now get back in there and find out what Guy is planning.
Look, I know it's hard, but tonight, you have to be a spy first.
Yeah, it is hard.
I'm not like you, Sarah.
I can't turn my emotions on and off like some robot.
I'm sorry.
That was uncalled for.
I'm not acting like myself tonight.
You done feeling sorry for yourself? Personally, I'd like another 10 to 15 minutes of really pathetic self-indulgence.
But duty calls.
I'm going back in.
Thanks.
[SIGHS.]
Sorry about that.
No more interruptions.
I promise.
And, uh, by the way, that guy who was just sitting here a couple minutes ago? Remember him? Looked just like Chuck Bartowski was a little whiny and bitter? Turns out, he's an imposter.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
But don't worry about it, because I just kung fu-ed him at the bar and he won't be bothering you for the rest of the evening.
I'm glad.
Because I like this Chuck Bartowski a lot more.
Me too.
So, uh, you never told me exactly what you were working on.
Oh, uh, I can't really talk about it.
That sounds mysterious, I know.
I'm starting to think there are some sketchy people involved.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
I just don't know who to trust.
You can trust me.
Remember BioChem? We're working on a strain of influenza.
Specifically how the hemagglutinin protein fuses the viral envelope -with the vacuole's membrane.
-Oh.
Did that sound like total gibberish? I understood completely "Do you remember BioChem?" Then everything after that was a little fuzzy.
Okay, I'll simplify.
LESTER: Yo, Charles.
Hey, buddy.
-Who's the babe? Ha-ha-ha.
-[MOUTHS.]
No.
LESTER: Wow.
First Sarah, now this chiquita banana? When are you gonna start sharing the wealth? Nice to meet you.
Who's, uh, Sarah? And, um, these friends of yours? No, just old Buy More colleagues who haven't moved on.
Move on.
Move on.
-Your car, sir.
-Oh, thank you.
VALET: Have a great night.
-Whoa.
Whose Ferrari? This isn't your car? Um, the guy makes 12.
50 an hour at the Buy More.
You do the math, sister.
You still work at a Buy More, Chuck? [TIRES SCREECH.]
Yes, I do.
Do.
What about your computer business? Technically, the Buy More offers a wide range of hardware and other thing-- Wow.
Too bad Stanford doesn't offer a BA in B.
S because you could've graduated early.
Jill, please, don't-- Look, it's not all a lie.
I can explain to you.
Charles, we did not mean to bust your whole little-- Just go home.
Show him who's a dummy.
That's it.
Attaboy.
Work the body.
Work the body, kid.
Work the body.
LESTER [AS SARAH.]
: Hi, I'm Sarah, Chuck's hot blond girlfriend.
[AS JILL.]
And I'm Chuck's hot brunette.
-You bitch.
-Slut.
Only one way to settle this.
BOTH: Pillow fight.
Okay, how's everyone coming with the chest compression? Come on, guys.
What's wrong with you? I drink too much.
My parents had impossible standards.
Let's get serious.
How do you expect to pass the exam? Exam? Come again? Emmett didn't tell you about the test? Man, if I wanted to take tests, I would have been a boat captain.
So, what happens if we don't pass? We get lousy jobs and live a small, under-realized life in the valley.
-Ooh, scary.
You know what I mean? EMMETT: Ha-ha-ha.
Or you can take the 30-hour remedial course unpaid and on your own time.
Oh.
That seemed to get their attention, doctor.
Hot, hot, hot.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Am I supposed to ignore you or can I ask you a series of personal questions that you have to answer? You were right.
You're always right.
I never should've gone out with Jill last night.
Chuck, maybe I overreacted, you know? Maybe there was a reason to go with Jill.
Yeah, to humiliate myself.
Come on, the way things ended with you guys you've had a million questions, no answers, and now you've got some.
So what? What good did it do me poking around in my past? Because maybe now, without all that wondering and what-if-ing you can finally close that chapter of your life.
Right again.
LAFLEUR [OVER RADIO.]
: New York steak, medium rare, Room 1104.
-Guy just ordered room service.
-Hmm.
[VAN DOOR OPENS.]
Easy, easy.
Hey, I come in peace.
The hell are you doing here? I thought I'd swing by, check up on Jill, make sure she's doing all right.
She's fine.
She came home last night.
-And she hasn't left her room since.
-Wait.
Shh, shh.
She's making a call.
WOMAN: Operator? JILL: I just-- A-- Damn.
Bug's on the fritz.
We need a new one.
I'll go in as housekeeping and plant another.
Ahh, she might recognize you as a waitress from the restaurant.
I'll tranq her.
She'll wake up in an hour thinking nothing of it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey.
I'll go, I'll go.
I'll apologize, she'll tell me what a loser I am, and I'll plant the bug.
No tranqing necessary.
You know where it goes? One button on the bottom.
Click on, click off.
All right.
I'm going in.
I'm going in.
I'll need between six and eight minutes to get in, grab the test and get out.
-Are you guys ready? -I was born ready.
I was born premature.
Showtime.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
-Hey.
-Chuck's not here, sorry.
No, no, no, we know, we know.
That's why we're here.
To talk to you about Chuck.
MORGAN: Awesome's bag.
Has Charles been acting a little, um, strange lately? No, no more than usual.
Why? We think Chuck might have rabies.
All the signs are there: bouts of confusion, general edginess.
And at lunch, Jeff here thought he saw some foam around his mouth.
Okay, I appreciate the concern.
Goodbye.
Oh, no.
-Looking for something? -Huh! You didn't think I'd leave this in my bag? Honey, you won't believe what I just.
Morgan, are you holding my underwear? Wait.
Wait a second.
Wait, I need to be very clear about this, okay? The only thing I came in here to steal was a CPR test.
So any suggestions to anything pervy related to your panties-- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Panties.
Underpants.
--is frankly, outrageous.
So you deny being a perv but you admit to being a thief? Do I at least get points for honesty? [SIGHS.]
Who is it? It's the lying-yet-well-meaning fool who rented a Ferrari last night.
-Ten bucks says she don't open the door.
-Make it 20 and you're on.
I don't wanna talk to you, Chuck.
Okay, well, then I'll do all the talking.
I know this may come as a shock to you but I'm here to do something totally crazy and tell you the truth.
I still work at the Buy More, and, uh, I still live with my sister.
And I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
I guess I just wanted you to think I was someone special.
So in order to accomplish that, I went out and got a new suit and rented a car that I clearly have no idea how to drive.
Because from the second I saw you again I knew that I hadn't gotten over you yet, Jill.
Really? You haven't gotten over me? Heh.
No.
Get in here.
Sorry about the mess.
Still working on a lecture.
Yeah, you were starting to say last night.
Infectious disease or something.
I don't know.
Sounded like you were speaking Aramaic.
It's not Aramaic.
A simple BioChem 101.
Oh, right.
You slept through that class in college.
Lot of good that would do me in my current line of work.
Stop it.
Stop what? Stop underselling yourself, Chuck.
There was a part of last night somewhere after getting minor whiplash in your car and before abandoning you on the side of the road where I had a really, really nice time.
-Really? -Yes.
So no more lies.
No more deception, okay? No more lies.
No more deception.
Good.
Do you know how much I missed doing this? Missed doing what? [CHUCKLES.]
-What happened? -Huh? Oh.
Yeah, no, it was great, fine.
We really connected.
She's talking about the bug, moron.
Oh, that.
Yes, of course, that.
I planted it.
It is planted.
I may have turned it off, though.
I'm not-- Why would you do that? Relax, these things are pretty much idiot-proof.
It's in the room, it picks up the signal.
It worked.
We're tapped in to her cell and the room phone.
Why are you smiling like that? She kissed me.
No spy stuff, no lies, just me.
Oh.
Uh, that dude is some kind of an assassin.
His code name is Wolf Den.
CASEY: Eleven.
That's Guy's floor.
-Chuck? -Yeah, I know, I know.
Stay in the van.
CASEY: And don't touch anything.
-Unh! [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Room Service, sir.
Just put it over here.
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE DIALING OVER RADIO.]
[LINE RINGS OVER RADIO.]
SHARI [OVER RADIO.]
: Hello? JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: Hey.
SHARI: How are you after last night? JILL: Oh, my God, Shari.
Guess what.
You're not gonna believe who came to my room to apologize.
SHARI: What? Please tell me you didn't let that loser in.
JILL: He looked like a puppy dog.
I couldn't say no.
And I still think he's kind of cute.
SHARI: Cute? He's a computer dork that makes $10 an hour.
Hello, it's 12.
50.
Chuck? Chuck, are you on my phone? Uh, Jill? Is that you? Why are you on my phone? I don't know, it's so.
It's.
I tried calling you, so I.
I think our wires got crossed or something.
Is this a party line? What did you do to my phone? Did you bug it? Bug it? What am I, an entomologist? Ha, ha.
No, you're talking crazy jargon.
I'm calling Security.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
[GRUNTING.]
It's bolted on the inside.
Go.
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GASPING.]
[PANTS.]
-Clear.
-Chuck, Guy's not in his room.
I know.
[SOBS.]
-Let it all out.
JILL: Thank you.
[JILL BLOWS NOSE.]
I feel terrible.
Maybe I should go in there and console her.
She can't know you're a spy, Chuck.
-She'll just think I'm a stalker.
-She doesn't think you're a stalker.
So.
Why do you think Guy was killed? What is this place? Why was I blindfolded? It's a secret CIA compound.
We've been watching you for days, Miss Roberts.
Watching me? Why? We thought your boss, Guy, was into some shady business.
We kept an eye on you as well to protect you.
That's my ex-boyfriend, Chuck.
Is he involved in this? He's been acting really weird lately.
One minute, he's normal.
-The next, he's acting like a lunatic.
-She didn't say stalker.
Almost like a stalker.
Yeah, it can be a pattern with these losers.
Pretty girl smiles at them, they get all infatuated.
Seen it a million times.
No, he wasn't involved.
Your boss, Guy, however.
Maybe Guy was involved, but not how you think.
Guy had discovered an antiviral serum for a strain of influenza used in a bioweapon.
An airborne influenza so deadly, it could kill a person within one hour if exposed.
Now, a couple of days ago Guy learned that our company secretly sells the influenza bioweapon.
That's why Guy planned to present our research at the convention so that the company couldn't cover it up anymore.
I guess it's up to me to do that now.
No, no, no.
-So you'll do the presentation? CHUCK: No, it's too dangerous, Casey.
Um, your window is knocking.
Excuse me.
-What? -Jill is not going to the conference.
-The assassin will kill her.
-It's our only way to smoke him out.
It's too dangerous for her, all right? I am putting my foot down.
Gingerly.
Look, Bartowski, my job is to look after all the citizens of this nation not just the girl who raises your flag.
Sarah, please, we can't use Jill as bait and risk her life giving that presentation.
Fine.
I'll give the presentation.
Oh.
-Where's Chuck? -Jeff, he will be here, okay? And as long as we play this cool we can cheat off of Chuck, he'll never know.
He knows the CPR stuff inside out.
-Yeah, but Morgan, if he doesn't show-- -If who doesn't show? Oh, let me guess.
The perennial tardy, Chuck? Hi.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Oh, you're right on time, bro.
MORGAN: Okay.
LESTER: Hey, hey, come on.
JEFF: Next to Chuck.
Hey.
Everything-- Okay, okay.
All done.
Well, that was interesting.
You have one hour to take the test.
You may begin now.
[CLOCK TICKING.]
Oh.
Anything? It's all good so far.
Please take your seats.
Giving the presentation for Dr.
LaFleur will be his associate coming from Sydney, Australia, Dr.
Eva Anderson.
[CROWD APPLAUDS.]
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT.]
Thank you.
Yes, good day, I'm Dr.
Eva Anderson.
And I'm here to talk to you all today about a deadly poison that could change the course of human science.
I'm honored to stand before you all today on behalf of Dr.
LaFleur.
Throughout the many years of our research.
Um, excuse me, I've gotta go to the loo.
[CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[HISSING.]
Seal the room.
Seal the room.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is an NSA emergency.
No one, I repeat, no one gets in or out.
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
Sorry, sorry.
Oh, um, I'm sorry, I have to take this.
This could be an important call.
I'm sorry.
And this isn't important? There's no leaving the room during the test.
-Casey, hey.
Everything okay? -Our Wolf Den friend released the poison.
Sarah got out, I'm still in here with the scientists.
HAZMAT crews are on the way.
We have an hour, maybe less.
You gotta get to Jill, see if she has an antidote.
[MAN COUGHING.]
I don't think she wants to see me.
Chuck, we're dying here.
I don't care what you have to say or do.
Just get it done.
Gotta go.
Good luck.
Whoa, whoa! Charles, Charles, Charles.
Well, I guess someone doesn't think saving lives is important.
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Jill, it's Chuck.
You have to open the door.
JILL: Chuck, go away.
This isn't funny anymore.
Look, it's an emergency.
I know my credibility is at an all-time low, but you need to listen to me.
The bioweapon has been released at the conference center.
-How do you know about the virus? -Because, Jill I'm a CIA agent.
Oh, my God, Chuck.
You really need to get some help.
I am the help.
Don't believe anything else I've told you.
Believe this: We have to get them the antidote.
-I'm gonna call the police.
-I've already taken the liberty.
Have a look for yourself.
Oh, my God.
[DISPATCHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
You are telling the truth.
Hold on.
She's pretty cute, right? -We used to date.
-Okay.
Okay, look, just stay close, don't be scared.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right, people.
Wheels up.
Let's move.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
Hey, who's in charge here? I am.
Not anymore.
Thank you.
Casey, it's Chuck, I'm with Jill.
What's your status? By my time, we got about 15 minutes.
I have to go in there.
Okay, I need a Level A HAZMAT suit right now.
We don't have those suits yet.
CDC will be here in 10 minutes.
We don't have 10 minutes.
I'll go in without one.
No.
You? No.
It's too dangerous.
I'll do it.
Chuck, whoever goes in there has to be able to make the antidote.
-Is it something you could talk me through? -I guess.
Okay, well, then I'm going in.
Chuck, wait.
-Are you sure? -Yeah.
I'm sure.
Okay.
Okay, uh, I'm gonna have to inject you first.
Ahh.
-Oh, that's a big needle.
-Ready? Yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
That was a modified version of the viral strain.
Your body metabolizes the poison.
And the antiviral serum is created from your blood.
I thought I was getting the antidote.
You just gave me poison? Yeah, that's the only way to make the antidote.
Did you not understand that? Oh, that.
No, I understand that whole part.
We're living on the edge.
Love the rush.
[GUNFIRE.]
Damn.
CIA? [ALARM BUZZING.]
[COUGHING.]
No, no, no.
What are you doing in here? Long story, but the headline is I'm our only hope for survival.
[SIGHS.]
Never thought things could get any worse.
Okay, inside the briefcase, is a medisyringe multi-dose injector.
I need you to extract 60 cc's of your own blood.
Put it through the centrifuge, then inject 1cc of the antiviral serum into each of those infected.
Okay, okay.
Casey, here.
No, no, no.
Casey, you have to take the gun.
Take the gun and you have to take my blood, okay? -So just take my blood.
-Oh.
Okay.
[PANTS.]
Okay.
Oh.
-Take the gun, Chuck.
-Huh? -Take the gun, Chuck.
Take the gun.
-What? -Oh, God.
JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: What's happening? [GASPING.]
I need help now.
Casey's fading fast.
The gun just dropped.
It shattered.
That was the only syringe.
Okay, uh, stay calm.
I'm gonna find another.
Jill, please hurry.
We're running out of time.
Oh.
Time's running out, gentlemen.
You have one minute left.
Oh, and I see you have yet to attempt the Heimlich section.
Ha-ha-ha.
Interesting.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[MORGAN MUTTERS QUIETLY.]
Oh, good Lord.
I think Jeff is choking.
Someone should do the Heimlich or something.
Jeff, can you speak? Are you choking? Okay, on your feet.
On your feet.
On the count of three, I'm gonna do an inward and upward thrust two inches above your bellybutton.
One, two, three.
Check and see if item is dislodged, then repeat.
[DEVON GRUNTING.]
Oh.
Yes.
BOTH: Done.
CHUCK: What are we gonna do, Casey? -Think of something, you're smart.
[COUGHS.]
You went to Stanford.
Sort of.
[SNEEZES.]
Oh, God.
Cover your mouth.
It's disgusting.
[MAN SNEEZING.]
That's it.
Hey, hey, this is gonna sound crazy, but viruses are spread airborne, right? You catch them when someone sneezes.
-Yeah? -Maybe the antivirals metabolize in saliva.
What are you talking about? -I can't believe I'm about to do this.
-What? No, no.
No, no, no, I served my country with honor, Bartowski.
Please, let me die with dignity.
JILL: Chuck? CHUCK: Jill.
-What are you doing? Jill.
Jill.
Hey, I thought that maybe the antivirals could be spread by saliva.
That's ridiculous.
No wonder you failed BioChem.
[GROWLS.]
From the deepest recesses of my soul, I'm sorry.
[GROANS.]
Oh, here we go again.
Okay, you take half the room, I'll take the other, 1cc each, okay? -Hurry.
-Okay.
Casey.
Casey.
-Unh.
-Guh.
Good.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
AGENT: Nice job, Carmichael.
WOMAN: All right, Agent Carmichael.
Chuck, you're amazing.
No.
Well, maybe a little.
Jill Roberts now knows Chuck's an asset.
-What do you want us to do? BECKMAN [OVER MONITOR.]
: Nothing.
The assassin Agent Walker shot was a member of Fulcrum.
A rogue CIA agent.
We don't know the extent of their penetration.
If Jill knows something, they may make a play for her.
So you want us to use her as bait? General, uh, Chuck has real feelings for Jill.
I don't think he would approve of us using her like this.
That's why you're not going to tell him, Agent Walker.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV.]
ELLIE: Wow.
-That's something I haven't seen in a while.
-This? I wear this four times a week.
No, your smile.
You look happy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that.
That thing.
Um, I don't know.
I guess, uh, I found some of those answers that you said I was looking for.
Oh, thank God.
I am so relieved.
I just think that, you know, Sarah.
There's really something special about her.
You had to go through that stuff with Jill so you could figure out who the one is.
And now that you've found her, you'll stop wondering about somebody else.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Take it.
Tell Sarah I said hi.
Hey.
How's my favorite secret agent? Um, good.
Yeah, good.
I have to study for a CPR test for my day job at the Buy More.
I could use some help with the mouth-to-mouth.
Well, what about your cover girlfriend? Won't she be jealous? No.
Our relationship's a cover, you know.
There's nothing to be jealous about.
So everything, it's all fake.
That sounds really lonely, Chuck.
Yeah, it is.
But now that you're here, maybe we can have something real.
[OVER RADIO.]
Us, together.
JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: I like the sound of that.
So about that mouth-to-mouth.
[CHUCKLES.]
Here's a couple of things that you might need to know.
So do you have a girlfriend? -I did a while back at Stanford.
GIRL: Oh.
Yeah, her name was Jill.
We met freshmen year.
We had so much in common then.
Bryce Larkin, dude pretended to be his buddy sexed up his girl, then got him kicked out.
Stanford was five years ago.
You need to move on.
Fine, I'll get over Jill tomorrow.
[IGGY POP'S "PUMPIN' FOR JILL" PLAYING ON STEREO.]
Hey, Chuck.
That's the dude who got kicked out for cheating.
Yeah, I didn't cheat, actually.
Thanks.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING.]
Oh.
Hey, if you guys don't mind, I'm just gonna borrow these.
Continue your game.
I'm gonna have to turn this off too.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
-Jill? BOY 1: Hey, man.
Come on.
BOY 2: What are you doing? Come on.
Jill, hey.
It's Chuck.
Please, I want a chance to explain my side, face-to-face.
If Jill wanted to speak to you, she would've returned one of your 28 phone calls.
Hi, Shari.
Is she up there? [SIGHS.]
Jill-- I, uh.
I was on break at work.
I'm actually working at a Buy More, ha, of all places, yeah.
And I drove, you know, to see you and to tell you that I still love you.
[CROWD GROANS.]
BOY 3 [COUGHS.]
: Loser.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING.]
Chuck.
Hey.
Hey, Jill, hey.
Um, I think I've thoroughly, publicly embarrassed myself, uh, enough.
So think maybe we could go talk over some coffee or something like that? It's too late, Chuck.
It's over.
When you say it's over, you mean this conversation's over, right? To be continued at the Starbucks? [SIGHS.]
She's dating Bryce Larkin now, Chuck.
BOY 3: Oh, damn.
-Bryce? SHARI: Deal with it.
-It that true? BOY 4: Told you he was a loser.
[IGGY POP'S "PUMPIN' FOR JILL" PLAYING ON STEREO.]
I'm sorry, Chuck.
[BELL RINGS.]
Oh.
Well, I hate to disturb your reverie there, Chuck.
I'm gonna need you to get to the Sheraton conference center for a tech-support call, pronto.
Sure thing, Emmett.
-Any Boston cream in there? -Oh, yes, several.
Ah.
Why, Emmett, you shouldn't have.
[EMMETT LAUGHS.]
Oh, they just look delicious.
Oh.
[SNIFFS.]
-Mmm.
EMMETT: Ha-ha-ha.
Oh.
[MIKE CHOKING.]
Oh, my God.
Are you breathing? Did you? [GRUNTING.]
Try to relax, man.
Oh, my God, you're big.
EMMETT: Help! Management emergency.
Emmett, you're doing it wrong.
Hold his mouth open, reach down and grab it.
[GROANS.]
Guess that way works too.
Are there any more doughnuts? CHUCK: So bioscience conference.
Bet these things get pretty wild, huh? All right, so the network should now be all set up with 10base-T Ethernet connecting all the servers for the conference with the firewall in place.
Is there a problem? Can you tell me if the attractive, brown-eyed, egg-heady brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here? She's here.
-Why, who is she? -Jill Roberts, my ex-girlfriend.
She broke my heart.
Uh.
I need-- I need a diversion.
Would it be a terrible imposition for you to pull the fire alarm? JILL: Hi.
Dr.
Jill Roberts.
Is there someone that can help me with the tech for my lecture? LONNIE: Under the desk.
-What? -Chuck? -Ha.
It was the, uh, flange just there.
Chuck Bartowski.
Present.
Yes, that's me.
It's me, Jill.
Jill.
Oh, my gosh.
-Of course.
Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hi.
-Ha, ha.
Hey, you.
How are you, huh? -So good to see you.
-You too.
How long has it been? Five years, four months.
Ish.
Give or take.
Kind of in that neighborhood.
Uh, what have you been up to? Uh, well, after Stanford, I got my Ph.
D.
in Biomedical Engineering.
CHUCK: Did you? -Yeah.
I'm giving a presentation on infectious diseases.
-Lovely.
-And you? And me.
And me? Uh, still in the computer game, you know? Yeah.
I work/own my own little company.
Sixteen, 17-- I can't remember which.
--stores.
Every once in a while, I like to do the installs myself don the uni, kind of get my hands mussy.
I'm happy for you, Chuck.
The last time I saw you, you were-- You were working at a Buy More.
Aah! It was a wonderful growing experience.
Really character-building.
And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Well, there's definitely some things I would change.
Especially about us.
There you are.
We're running late.
Oh, Guy.
Uh, this is my old friend Chuck Bartowski.
Chuck, this is my boss, Guy LaFleur.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Um.
I work with germs, so you know.
I'm sure your friend's busy, has, uh, computers to fix.
-Shall we? JILL: Sure.
[SIGHS.]
Chuck, I'm staying at the Hotel Waldron.
So give me a call if you wanna grab a cup of coffee.
Yeah, uh, well, you know, busy.
I'll check with my people.
[CHUCKLES.]
Your ex-girlfriend's boss, Guy LaFleur, is the head research scientist for the European company Cole-MacGregor Pharmaceuticals.
Ml6 reports that he may have developed a bioweapon which he plans to sell to the highest bidder.
-Is Jill involved? BECKMAN: It's your job to find out, Chuck.
Casey and Sarah will surveil Dr.
LaFleur.
We need you to reconnect with Jill, find out what she knows about Guy.
Right, right, right.
When you say reconnect, you mean send her an e-mail? Or invite her to be my new Facebook friend, right? Call her at her hotel and make a date.
See if you flash on anything she says or anyone you meet.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
A date with my ex? No, general, that is a terrible idea.
You see, she broke my heart.
She destroyed me, she took all of my confidence, my mojo-- -You had mojo? CHUCK: I was on my way.
By the way, she slept with Bryce Larkin.
Hmm.
Who hasn't? Look, Chuck, I know that Jill hurt you.
But maybe seeing her again will give you the closure you've wanted.
You have done a lot for the CIA and we're gonna make you look good.
Look on the bright side: Now you can get your mojo back.
As you already know, we nearly lost our dear leader today.
And to what? One tiny little carb-filled doughnut.
Please, we lost Big Mike to doughnuts years ago.
[ALL LAUGH.]
I shudder to think how people like you would respond to an actual catastrophe: a fire, an earthquake.
An all-out race war.
[LAUGHS.]
[COUGHS.]
And that is why Michael and I have decided to implement an emergency-preparedness course.
It so happens one of your colleagues knew someone willing to teach it.
Buenos dias, class.
Hey, uh, you sure you wanna do this? I love volunteer work, Chuck.
Besides, CPR's a breeze.
A child could learn to do it.
Well, then maybe you have a shot.
Uh, hey, you're in great hands.
-Awesome is who certified me.
-You might be certified, Chuck.
But you still have to take the test like everyone else.
Let's go, Romeo.
Time for your big date.
CIAâs wasting a lot of tax dollars to make you look good.
Okay, so who's ready to pound some plastic? Hey.
Wow.
New suit? You have a big date? No big date.
Why? -It looks expensive.
-No.
No, no, no.
It was cheap.
Yeah, real cheap.
It was on sale.
I had a coupon.
Uh-huh.
I think it's cute you get all dressed up for Sarah.
She's lucky.
-Hey, sis? -Hmm? Um, do you ever think about your ex-boyfriend, Doug Wald? No, why? Let's say totally randomly, old Douggy, you know, you guys ran into each other and he asked you out to dinner to catch up.
What would you say? I guess theoretically I'd say yes.
I'm so glad you said that.
You see, I'm not going out with Sarah tonight.
I'm actually going out with Jill.
Jill? No.
No, no, no.
No.
Absolutely not.
-What about what you said about Doug? -Forget what I said, okay? There's no scenario in which you go to dinner with the girl that dumped you and slept with your best friend.
-Chuck, you bought a new suit? -I told you, coupon.
Chuck, look, I'm trying not to be the overprotective big sister.
You? Never.
It's just that I know that she hurt you, you know? I don't wanna see you go through that again.
But: [CLUTCH GRINDS.]
[CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING.]
[TAXI HONKS HORN.]
CAB DRIVER: Learn how to drive.
-Sticky clutch.
Ha-ha-ha.
Remind me to have my assistant have that fixed.
I think the valet is up a little further.
Beautiful night for a walk, huh? Shall we? Okay.
Here we go.
Thank you.
Hey, Mr.
Bartowski.
-Welcome.
-Thank you.
-Hope you haven't been waiting.
This way.
-Hey.
WAITER: Hello, sir.
CHUCK: Thank you, yeah.
Hello.
Yeah, hello.
MAN: Bartowski, good to see you.
-Hey.
WOMAN 1: Hi there.
WOMAN 2: Hi.
Looking good, Mr.
Bartowski.
Looking good.
[WHISPERS.]
Is everyone in here CIA? Of course.
WAITER: Your table, sir.
-Thank you very much.
Here, let me get that for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you, Jonathan.
[GROWLS.]
Wow, I'm impressed.
-It's like you own the place.
-No, no, no.
God, no.
Just, uh-- Just an investor.
I mean, what can I say? I'm a sucker for a good veal parm.
Good evening, Mr.
Bartowski.
Can I get you two anything to drink? The usual perhaps, a 2000 Les Fiefs de Lagrange? Oui, oui.
I'm really glad things turned out so well for you, Chuck.
Especially after, well, you know, what happened.
Yeah, uh, about that.
Um.
Jill, I never stole those tests.
Well, that doesn't matter now.
Sure, it doesn't matter now.
[OVER RADIO.]
You know, now that I drive a fine Italian automobile and I'm alarmingly well-known at this particular restaurant but I needed you to believe me when it did matter.
I do believe you, Chuck.
And maybe I should have believed you at Stanford.
But the tests were in your room and Bryce said you were cheating.
[OVER RADIO.]
What was I supposed to think? Yeah, Bryce must have made a very convincing argument for you to dump me and then hop right into his bed.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr.
Bartowski, but there's a phone call for you at the bar.
Excuse me.
[CASEY SCOFFS.]
-What do you think you're doing? -Getting closure.
She owes me an explanation.
No, she doesn't.
She exercised her First Amendment right to dump you.
Now get back in there and find out what Guy is planning.
Look, I know it's hard, but tonight, you have to be a spy first.
Yeah, it is hard.
I'm not like you, Sarah.
I can't turn my emotions on and off like some robot.
I'm sorry.
That was uncalled for.
I'm not acting like myself tonight.
You done feeling sorry for yourself? Personally, I'd like another 10 to 15 minutes of really pathetic self-indulgence.
But duty calls.
I'm going back in.
Thanks.
[SIGHS.]
Sorry about that.
No more interruptions.
I promise.
And, uh, by the way, that guy who was just sitting here a couple minutes ago? Remember him? Looked just like Chuck Bartowski was a little whiny and bitter? Turns out, he's an imposter.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
But don't worry about it, because I just kung fu-ed him at the bar and he won't be bothering you for the rest of the evening.
I'm glad.
Because I like this Chuck Bartowski a lot more.
Me too.
So, uh, you never told me exactly what you were working on.
Oh, uh, I can't really talk about it.
That sounds mysterious, I know.
I'm starting to think there are some sketchy people involved.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
I just don't know who to trust.
You can trust me.
Remember BioChem? We're working on a strain of influenza.
Specifically how the hemagglutinin protein fuses the viral envelope -with the vacuole's membrane.
-Oh.
Did that sound like total gibberish? I understood completely "Do you remember BioChem?" Then everything after that was a little fuzzy.
Okay, I'll simplify.
LESTER: Yo, Charles.
Hey, buddy.
-Who's the babe? Ha-ha-ha.
-[MOUTHS.]
No.
LESTER: Wow.
First Sarah, now this chiquita banana? When are you gonna start sharing the wealth? Nice to meet you.
Who's, uh, Sarah? And, um, these friends of yours? No, just old Buy More colleagues who haven't moved on.
Move on.
Move on.
-Your car, sir.
-Oh, thank you.
VALET: Have a great night.
-Whoa.
Whose Ferrari? This isn't your car? Um, the guy makes 12.
50 an hour at the Buy More.
You do the math, sister.
You still work at a Buy More, Chuck? [TIRES SCREECH.]
Yes, I do.
Do.
What about your computer business? Technically, the Buy More offers a wide range of hardware and other thing-- Wow.
Too bad Stanford doesn't offer a BA in B.
S because you could've graduated early.
Jill, please, don't-- Look, it's not all a lie.
I can explain to you.
Charles, we did not mean to bust your whole little-- Just go home.
Show him who's a dummy.
That's it.
Attaboy.
Work the body.
Work the body, kid.
Work the body.
LESTER [AS SARAH.]
: Hi, I'm Sarah, Chuck's hot blond girlfriend.
[AS JILL.]
And I'm Chuck's hot brunette.
-You bitch.
-Slut.
Only one way to settle this.
BOTH: Pillow fight.
Okay, how's everyone coming with the chest compression? Come on, guys.
What's wrong with you? I drink too much.
My parents had impossible standards.
Let's get serious.
How do you expect to pass the exam? Exam? Come again? Emmett didn't tell you about the test? Man, if I wanted to take tests, I would have been a boat captain.
So, what happens if we don't pass? We get lousy jobs and live a small, under-realized life in the valley.
-Ooh, scary.
You know what I mean? EMMETT: Ha-ha-ha.
Or you can take the 30-hour remedial course unpaid and on your own time.
Oh.
That seemed to get their attention, doctor.
Hot, hot, hot.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Am I supposed to ignore you or can I ask you a series of personal questions that you have to answer? You were right.
You're always right.
I never should've gone out with Jill last night.
Chuck, maybe I overreacted, you know? Maybe there was a reason to go with Jill.
Yeah, to humiliate myself.
Come on, the way things ended with you guys you've had a million questions, no answers, and now you've got some.
So what? What good did it do me poking around in my past? Because maybe now, without all that wondering and what-if-ing you can finally close that chapter of your life.
Right again.
LAFLEUR [OVER RADIO.]
: New York steak, medium rare, Room 1104.
-Guy just ordered room service.
-Hmm.
[VAN DOOR OPENS.]
Easy, easy.
Hey, I come in peace.
The hell are you doing here? I thought I'd swing by, check up on Jill, make sure she's doing all right.
She's fine.
She came home last night.
-And she hasn't left her room since.
-Wait.
Shh, shh.
She's making a call.
WOMAN: Operator? JILL: I just-- A-- Damn.
Bug's on the fritz.
We need a new one.
I'll go in as housekeeping and plant another.
Ahh, she might recognize you as a waitress from the restaurant.
I'll tranq her.
She'll wake up in an hour thinking nothing of it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey.
I'll go, I'll go.
I'll apologize, she'll tell me what a loser I am, and I'll plant the bug.
No tranqing necessary.
You know where it goes? One button on the bottom.
Click on, click off.
All right.
I'm going in.
I'm going in.
I'll need between six and eight minutes to get in, grab the test and get out.
-Are you guys ready? -I was born ready.
I was born premature.
Showtime.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
-Hey.
-Chuck's not here, sorry.
No, no, no, we know, we know.
That's why we're here.
To talk to you about Chuck.
MORGAN: Awesome's bag.
Has Charles been acting a little, um, strange lately? No, no more than usual.
Why? We think Chuck might have rabies.
All the signs are there: bouts of confusion, general edginess.
And at lunch, Jeff here thought he saw some foam around his mouth.
Okay, I appreciate the concern.
Goodbye.
Oh, no.
-Looking for something? -Huh! You didn't think I'd leave this in my bag? Honey, you won't believe what I just.
Morgan, are you holding my underwear? Wait.
Wait a second.
Wait, I need to be very clear about this, okay? The only thing I came in here to steal was a CPR test.
So any suggestions to anything pervy related to your panties-- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Panties.
Underpants.
--is frankly, outrageous.
So you deny being a perv but you admit to being a thief? Do I at least get points for honesty? [SIGHS.]
Who is it? It's the lying-yet-well-meaning fool who rented a Ferrari last night.
-Ten bucks says she don't open the door.
-Make it 20 and you're on.
I don't wanna talk to you, Chuck.
Okay, well, then I'll do all the talking.
I know this may come as a shock to you but I'm here to do something totally crazy and tell you the truth.
I still work at the Buy More, and, uh, I still live with my sister.
And I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
I guess I just wanted you to think I was someone special.
So in order to accomplish that, I went out and got a new suit and rented a car that I clearly have no idea how to drive.
Because from the second I saw you again I knew that I hadn't gotten over you yet, Jill.
Really? You haven't gotten over me? Heh.
No.
Get in here.
Sorry about the mess.
Still working on a lecture.
Yeah, you were starting to say last night.
Infectious disease or something.
I don't know.
Sounded like you were speaking Aramaic.
It's not Aramaic.
A simple BioChem 101.
Oh, right.
You slept through that class in college.
Lot of good that would do me in my current line of work.
Stop it.
Stop what? Stop underselling yourself, Chuck.
There was a part of last night somewhere after getting minor whiplash in your car and before abandoning you on the side of the road where I had a really, really nice time.
-Really? -Yes.
So no more lies.
No more deception, okay? No more lies.
No more deception.
Good.
Do you know how much I missed doing this? Missed doing what? [CHUCKLES.]
-What happened? -Huh? Oh.
Yeah, no, it was great, fine.
We really connected.
She's talking about the bug, moron.
Oh, that.
Yes, of course, that.
I planted it.
It is planted.
I may have turned it off, though.
I'm not-- Why would you do that? Relax, these things are pretty much idiot-proof.
It's in the room, it picks up the signal.
It worked.
We're tapped in to her cell and the room phone.
Why are you smiling like that? She kissed me.
No spy stuff, no lies, just me.
Oh.
Uh, that dude is some kind of an assassin.
His code name is Wolf Den.
CASEY: Eleven.
That's Guy's floor.
-Chuck? -Yeah, I know, I know.
Stay in the van.
CASEY: And don't touch anything.
-Unh! [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Room Service, sir.
Just put it over here.
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE DIALING OVER RADIO.]
[LINE RINGS OVER RADIO.]
SHARI [OVER RADIO.]
: Hello? JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: Hey.
SHARI: How are you after last night? JILL: Oh, my God, Shari.
Guess what.
You're not gonna believe who came to my room to apologize.
SHARI: What? Please tell me you didn't let that loser in.
JILL: He looked like a puppy dog.
I couldn't say no.
And I still think he's kind of cute.
SHARI: Cute? He's a computer dork that makes $10 an hour.
Hello, it's 12.
50.
Chuck? Chuck, are you on my phone? Uh, Jill? Is that you? Why are you on my phone? I don't know, it's so.
It's.
I tried calling you, so I.
I think our wires got crossed or something.
Is this a party line? What did you do to my phone? Did you bug it? Bug it? What am I, an entomologist? Ha, ha.
No, you're talking crazy jargon.
I'm calling Security.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
[GRUNTING.]
It's bolted on the inside.
Go.
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GASPING.]
[PANTS.]
-Clear.
-Chuck, Guy's not in his room.
I know.
[SOBS.]
-Let it all out.
JILL: Thank you.
[JILL BLOWS NOSE.]
I feel terrible.
Maybe I should go in there and console her.
She can't know you're a spy, Chuck.
-She'll just think I'm a stalker.
-She doesn't think you're a stalker.
So.
Why do you think Guy was killed? What is this place? Why was I blindfolded? It's a secret CIA compound.
We've been watching you for days, Miss Roberts.
Watching me? Why? We thought your boss, Guy, was into some shady business.
We kept an eye on you as well to protect you.
That's my ex-boyfriend, Chuck.
Is he involved in this? He's been acting really weird lately.
One minute, he's normal.
-The next, he's acting like a lunatic.
-She didn't say stalker.
Almost like a stalker.
Yeah, it can be a pattern with these losers.
Pretty girl smiles at them, they get all infatuated.
Seen it a million times.
No, he wasn't involved.
Your boss, Guy, however.
Maybe Guy was involved, but not how you think.
Guy had discovered an antiviral serum for a strain of influenza used in a bioweapon.
An airborne influenza so deadly, it could kill a person within one hour if exposed.
Now, a couple of days ago Guy learned that our company secretly sells the influenza bioweapon.
That's why Guy planned to present our research at the convention so that the company couldn't cover it up anymore.
I guess it's up to me to do that now.
No, no, no.
-So you'll do the presentation? CHUCK: No, it's too dangerous, Casey.
Um, your window is knocking.
Excuse me.
-What? -Jill is not going to the conference.
-The assassin will kill her.
-It's our only way to smoke him out.
It's too dangerous for her, all right? I am putting my foot down.
Gingerly.
Look, Bartowski, my job is to look after all the citizens of this nation not just the girl who raises your flag.
Sarah, please, we can't use Jill as bait and risk her life giving that presentation.
Fine.
I'll give the presentation.
Oh.
-Where's Chuck? -Jeff, he will be here, okay? And as long as we play this cool we can cheat off of Chuck, he'll never know.
He knows the CPR stuff inside out.
-Yeah, but Morgan, if he doesn't show-- -If who doesn't show? Oh, let me guess.
The perennial tardy, Chuck? Hi.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Oh, you're right on time, bro.
MORGAN: Okay.
LESTER: Hey, hey, come on.
JEFF: Next to Chuck.
Hey.
Everything-- Okay, okay.
All done.
Well, that was interesting.
You have one hour to take the test.
You may begin now.
[CLOCK TICKING.]
Oh.
Anything? It's all good so far.
Please take your seats.
Giving the presentation for Dr.
LaFleur will be his associate coming from Sydney, Australia, Dr.
Eva Anderson.
[CROWD APPLAUDS.]
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT.]
Thank you.
Yes, good day, I'm Dr.
Eva Anderson.
And I'm here to talk to you all today about a deadly poison that could change the course of human science.
I'm honored to stand before you all today on behalf of Dr.
LaFleur.
Throughout the many years of our research.
Um, excuse me, I've gotta go to the loo.
[CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
[HISSING.]
Seal the room.
Seal the room.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is an NSA emergency.
No one, I repeat, no one gets in or out.
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
Sorry, sorry.
Oh, um, I'm sorry, I have to take this.
This could be an important call.
I'm sorry.
And this isn't important? There's no leaving the room during the test.
-Casey, hey.
Everything okay? -Our Wolf Den friend released the poison.
Sarah got out, I'm still in here with the scientists.
HAZMAT crews are on the way.
We have an hour, maybe less.
You gotta get to Jill, see if she has an antidote.
[MAN COUGHING.]
I don't think she wants to see me.
Chuck, we're dying here.
I don't care what you have to say or do.
Just get it done.
Gotta go.
Good luck.
Whoa, whoa! Charles, Charles, Charles.
Well, I guess someone doesn't think saving lives is important.
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Jill, it's Chuck.
You have to open the door.
JILL: Chuck, go away.
This isn't funny anymore.
Look, it's an emergency.
I know my credibility is at an all-time low, but you need to listen to me.
The bioweapon has been released at the conference center.
-How do you know about the virus? -Because, Jill I'm a CIA agent.
Oh, my God, Chuck.
You really need to get some help.
I am the help.
Don't believe anything else I've told you.
Believe this: We have to get them the antidote.
-I'm gonna call the police.
-I've already taken the liberty.
Have a look for yourself.
Oh, my God.
[DISPATCHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
You are telling the truth.
Hold on.
She's pretty cute, right? -We used to date.
-Okay.
Okay, look, just stay close, don't be scared.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right, people.
Wheels up.
Let's move.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
Hey, who's in charge here? I am.
Not anymore.
Thank you.
Casey, it's Chuck, I'm with Jill.
What's your status? By my time, we got about 15 minutes.
I have to go in there.
Okay, I need a Level A HAZMAT suit right now.
We don't have those suits yet.
CDC will be here in 10 minutes.
We don't have 10 minutes.
I'll go in without one.
No.
You? No.
It's too dangerous.
I'll do it.
Chuck, whoever goes in there has to be able to make the antidote.
-Is it something you could talk me through? -I guess.
Okay, well, then I'm going in.
Chuck, wait.
-Are you sure? -Yeah.
I'm sure.
Okay.
Okay, uh, I'm gonna have to inject you first.
Ahh.
-Oh, that's a big needle.
-Ready? Yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
That was a modified version of the viral strain.
Your body metabolizes the poison.
And the antiviral serum is created from your blood.
I thought I was getting the antidote.
You just gave me poison? Yeah, that's the only way to make the antidote.
Did you not understand that? Oh, that.
No, I understand that whole part.
We're living on the edge.
Love the rush.
[GUNFIRE.]
Damn.
CIA? [ALARM BUZZING.]
[COUGHING.]
No, no, no.
What are you doing in here? Long story, but the headline is I'm our only hope for survival.
[SIGHS.]
Never thought things could get any worse.
Okay, inside the briefcase, is a medisyringe multi-dose injector.
I need you to extract 60 cc's of your own blood.
Put it through the centrifuge, then inject 1cc of the antiviral serum into each of those infected.
Okay, okay.
Casey, here.
No, no, no.
Casey, you have to take the gun.
Take the gun and you have to take my blood, okay? -So just take my blood.
-Oh.
Okay.
[PANTS.]
Okay.
Oh.
-Take the gun, Chuck.
-Huh? -Take the gun, Chuck.
Take the gun.
-What? -Oh, God.
JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: What's happening? [GASPING.]
I need help now.
Casey's fading fast.
The gun just dropped.
It shattered.
That was the only syringe.
Okay, uh, stay calm.
I'm gonna find another.
Jill, please hurry.
We're running out of time.
Oh.
Time's running out, gentlemen.
You have one minute left.
Oh, and I see you have yet to attempt the Heimlich section.
Ha-ha-ha.
Interesting.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[MORGAN MUTTERS QUIETLY.]
Oh, good Lord.
I think Jeff is choking.
Someone should do the Heimlich or something.
Jeff, can you speak? Are you choking? Okay, on your feet.
On your feet.
On the count of three, I'm gonna do an inward and upward thrust two inches above your bellybutton.
One, two, three.
Check and see if item is dislodged, then repeat.
[DEVON GRUNTING.]
Oh.
Yes.
BOTH: Done.
CHUCK: What are we gonna do, Casey? -Think of something, you're smart.
[COUGHS.]
You went to Stanford.
Sort of.
[SNEEZES.]
Oh, God.
Cover your mouth.
It's disgusting.
[MAN SNEEZING.]
That's it.
Hey, hey, this is gonna sound crazy, but viruses are spread airborne, right? You catch them when someone sneezes.
-Yeah? -Maybe the antivirals metabolize in saliva.
What are you talking about? -I can't believe I'm about to do this.
-What? No, no.
No, no, no, I served my country with honor, Bartowski.
Please, let me die with dignity.
JILL: Chuck? CHUCK: Jill.
-What are you doing? Jill.
Jill.
Hey, I thought that maybe the antivirals could be spread by saliva.
That's ridiculous.
No wonder you failed BioChem.
[GROWLS.]
From the deepest recesses of my soul, I'm sorry.
[GROANS.]
Oh, here we go again.
Okay, you take half the room, I'll take the other, 1cc each, okay? -Hurry.
-Okay.
Casey.
Casey.
-Unh.
-Guh.
Good.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
AGENT: Nice job, Carmichael.
WOMAN: All right, Agent Carmichael.
Chuck, you're amazing.
No.
Well, maybe a little.
Jill Roberts now knows Chuck's an asset.
-What do you want us to do? BECKMAN [OVER MONITOR.]
: Nothing.
The assassin Agent Walker shot was a member of Fulcrum.
A rogue CIA agent.
We don't know the extent of their penetration.
If Jill knows something, they may make a play for her.
So you want us to use her as bait? General, uh, Chuck has real feelings for Jill.
I don't think he would approve of us using her like this.
That's why you're not going to tell him, Agent Walker.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV.]
ELLIE: Wow.
-That's something I haven't seen in a while.
-This? I wear this four times a week.
No, your smile.
You look happy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that.
That thing.
Um, I don't know.
I guess, uh, I found some of those answers that you said I was looking for.
Oh, thank God.
I am so relieved.
I just think that, you know, Sarah.
There's really something special about her.
You had to go through that stuff with Jill so you could figure out who the one is.
And now that you've found her, you'll stop wondering about somebody else.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Take it.
Tell Sarah I said hi.
Hey.
How's my favorite secret agent? Um, good.
Yeah, good.
I have to study for a CPR test for my day job at the Buy More.
I could use some help with the mouth-to-mouth.
Well, what about your cover girlfriend? Won't she be jealous? No.
Our relationship's a cover, you know.
There's nothing to be jealous about.
So everything, it's all fake.
That sounds really lonely, Chuck.
Yeah, it is.
But now that you're here, maybe we can have something real.
[OVER RADIO.]
Us, together.
JILL [OVER RADIO.]
: I like the sound of that.
So about that mouth-to-mouth.
[CHUCKLES.]