Clarence US (2014) s02e06 Episode Script

1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Nuts and berries on a tree Aw, man! Whoa! How did you How did you hit it so good when when it's for far away? Ah, you want to learn the way of the arrow? Well, the first thing you need is patience.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, patience got it.
Hmm.
Um, excuse me, do you have these in any other colors? Um okay.
Get 'em, sir peep and teep, you got this! - What are you doing? - Oh, nothing.
Just rats.
You find anything? Not really.
Everything is so expensive! I'm not sure if I brought enough money.
What?! You don't need to buy stuff! Watch this! Excuse me, my lady.
What can I get for this boot? Hmm well, it is a fine boot.
I can offer this ladle.
Ladle, great! See? Oh, that's a nice boot, yeah.
Hmm.
Well, I definitely want to check out the joust later, of course.
Chad, if it's too spicy, you don't have to finish it, - all right? - No, I'm fine.
I'm eating.
All right, Clarence, concentrate.
And, remember, trust your arrow.
I trust you arrow! - Yeah! - That was great, Clarence.
Now, for your next lesson, to be a great squire, you must also retrieve your arrow.
For it must also trust you, not to lose it.
Okay, m'lady.
Oh, my hat.
Nuts and berries on a tree The arrow! Huh? - Have at you! - Oh, White Knight, you're the best! I'll save you, my love! Ha! What?! You think you are so great, White Knight! But you've forgotten my secret weapon! The evil wizard Balthazar! Yes! My magic comes from the deepest, darkest secrets of the old ancient ones.
- Dude, just make the noise.
- Oh, yeah, okay.
I feel my power draining, princess! I must go rest! Come support me tonight at the royal joust at 7:30! Oh, no! White Knight! Balthazar, how do you know this curse will last until the joust tonight? Do not worry, Black Knight, because the only cure is magic strength potion! Aa-ha, yes.
Dude, shut up.
Join us tonight, and watch me beat the White Knight.
Mm-hmm! Oh, no! That White Knight guy won't be able to win the special fight in front of his lady friend! I just gotta get that special potion, that's it! It's my super special squire destiny! Workin' on my birthday, workin' on my birthday You are destined for stardom.
He-Hey! You were awesome out there today! I thought we had an undeniable chemistry! Look, new guy, just stick to the script, okay? Oh.
Eat thine apple! Whoa! You're a hungry little serpent, aren't you, yes.
Hey Uh, you shall not passeth! Okay, I don't know what passeth is, but I'm on an honorable journey for the White Knight which is my destiny so I gotta get in there.
- Uh, the way is shut.
- Oh, I failed my quest.
I'll just pickup arrows for the rest of my life.
Hmm.
Okay, I will grant you passage if you find me a golden dragon heart on a wooden dagger.
A golden dragon heart on a wooden dagger, my lord? That's right, golden dragon heart on a wooden dagger, my lad.
Time to gather the merry men! Three brave friends three brave friends three brave friends a minstrel and a monster and a boy with a purse three brave friends questing to rid the White Knight of his curse they'll search for the dragon heart far and wide working together side by side their hearts are true, they'll find their luck and never, never, never give up three brave friends three brave friends Stupid golden dragon heart! I'll never be a squire! Say hi to Doris.
Wow! Guys, I think I found the perfect costume.
What do you think? I'm a wizard! Whoa! Mmm! Uh, the way is open.
.
Whoa.
Okay, merry men.
Pull up your trousers and find a potion.
Come on, Doris, let's look over here.
Now where would they keep the potions? Whoa, cool props! Potion, potion, potion? Nope.
Potion, potion, potion, potion, potion.
Hmm.
It's gotta be here somewhere! Hmm? The poison is spreading! Be brave, my beloved White Knight! Forgive me! Oh! Gee, this isn't a terribly exciting joust, is it? I gotta go! Oh, no, the White Knight! My strength! Curse you, evil wizard! What's up with the goat? Have you seen Clarence? I think I found his Is that authentic 16th century armor? The potion?! Oh, where is it?! Oh, no, I put it right here! Oh, my only job! I will end this once and for all! Oh, my gosh! I can't look! What's happening?! Hark, the evil wizard approaches! The wizard, the potion! My destiny! I gotta find it! - There goes the wizard! - Ugh, not again.
Oh, Balthazar, where are you?! I require your assistance with my sword! Yeah, just a second, my lord! Oh, where is it?! Oh, man! - How does it look?! - Pointy.
You guys, the Black Knight, and then the White Knight! and the wizard the potion! Oh, yes! I have it right here in my Just give me a minute, I can see it.
Come on, come on, come on! Ahh! That's it! You found it! Jeff, you big, beautiful wizard, you found the potion! My potion! Oh, no, it's the evil wizard! Jeff, come on! The princess shall be mine! - Oh! No, she won't! - Yes, she will! You are nothing without your wizard.
I bet you didn't even know that my curse is contagious! What?! Seriously, what are you talking about?! I'm improvising.
Play along.
See?! I am touching your foot! Oh, no! I do feel the weakness coming over me! I am so weak now, too! Audience: Boo! Boo! Carnage! What now?! We gotta get the potion to the White Knight! To the tower! Oh, man? Huh?! Oh, man occupied! - Clarence?! - Jeff, come on! - Take that, you foul knave! - No, you take this! - Ow, it's in my eye, Todd! - My bad, dude, my bad.
Mr.
White Knight, I have retrieved the magic potion! Wait, what?! Hey! Get back here with my vial! Guys, I'm running out of stuff to throw here! And then we had to find a Golden Dragon heart, and we looked all over and Clarence! How are you supposed to get that potion into the joust? It's too far away! No target is too far for a true knight.
Ow! Ow! Oh, Clarence, stop it! Stop it, please.
Oh, oh! Get down here, you little brat! - Ow! - Oh, sorry, she's all yours! Fly true.
Ow! Oh.
Oh, mud in my eye! Ah! Oh, my eye! Ow! Huzzah! I have been cured! Oh, yay! Yay.
The joust is won and the princess is mine to love! Yay! I'm the best squire boy! Guys, I can't believe we cleaned all over that bathroom box.
We gonna wash us as soon as we get home.
Yeah, but it was a great quest.
We've found a golden heart and defeated a evil wizard.
I wonder what even happened to him.
Oh! I can see! Welcome, brother Josh.
We have been waiting.
What? Josh.
Josh.
Josh.
- Surprise! - Oh, you guys!