Comic Book Men s02e06 Episode Script
The Running Dead
What's your favorite superhero tv show? - Superhero tv show? - What did you like? There was, uh, Birds of Prey, which-- Short-lived.
Very short-lived and rightly so.
'cause it sucked.
What about the Batman tv show, The 1966 Batman series? What a show, man.
Every episode, they were getting down, Throwing punches, doing elaborate back flips With robin on batman's back as he swung him around And was kicking like this.
And that was just the bedroom scenes.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, The only show that's broadcast directly from the negative zone.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
What's been happening this week? Enlighten us.
Really, one of the most oddball items Came through the door.
- Really? And when I say "oddball," I literally mean ball.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- How's it going? - Hi, how you doing? Hi.
Got some stuff I'm looking to sell.
We don't do sports collectibles.
Well, it's signed by most of the Batman tv show cast.
Batman baseball? I mean, this ball is badass.
Two Catwomen.
- Burgess Meredith, the Penguin.
- The penguin.
Gorshin, the Riddler.
Burt ward, Robin.
- I mean, who else is on here? - Adam West and Art Carney.
Oh, my God! What a show, man.
I love it.
I wanted it, 'cause I had never seen it before.
And I thought it would look great in the store.
So I had called Rob Bruce in.
Rob bruce is our resident pop culturalist Who Walter calls on at all times To validate items, to evaluate them, To tell us more about them.
He's a Batman of useless facts.
- Robert, check this out.
- Wow.
A baseball.
Signed by the cast of the 1966 Batman tv show.
Wow! Is it for sale? It's for sale.
All these signatures on a baseball? There's probably not two of these in the world.
This is never gonna walk through It's easy enough to get Adam West and Burt Ward's autographs.
But some of the guys passed .
Art Carney is like really rare.
But I mean, it's still a baseball.
It's a really odd thing.
Some of the signatures are very common obviously.
And some of are still alive.
So you can go out and get Yvonne Craig's autograph At the next convention.
Okay, what would you pay for it? I'd like to pay half of whatever the ball's worth.
I think the ball's probably worth $350, $400 retail.
Call me if you need me.
- Thank you, Robert.
- Thanks.
Let's talk baseball.
Would you do $275? $275, I'll take it right now.
I would go, uh, $250 and a t-shirt.
Hell yeah! Hell yeah! You got a deal.
Whened? Hey, Walt.
I need you to switch saturdays with me.
Why? We're gonna be doing a zombie run.
It's a 5k And your chased by people who dress up like zombies.
We're gonna be raising some money For Kevin's charity Wayne Foundation.
We got a little charity called the Wayne Foundation.
And you guys ran on behalf of the Wayne Foundation.
- We did.
- Where was the race? It was outside of Pittsburgh.
Right.
Now that means something to those of us Who are geeks, Because Pittsburgh is birthplace Of the zombie movement.
George Romero, the dead master, Shot Night of the Living Dead right nearPittsburgh.
So to be in Western Pennsylvania, Running away from zombies, That almost puts you in Night of the Living Dead.
How awesome is this? Rather than a start-to-finish race, Where, you know, you just run from one end to the other, You're getting chased by bloodthirsty zombies.
It's an obstacle course too.
Over walls or climbing over cargo nets.
Do either of these guys strike you As being able to do parkour Or run like military-style obstacle courses? Now I know you run quite a bit all the time.
But you, sir, mr.
Zapcic, I've heard of a tale Of you being Wally West, Barry Allen, Fleeting around like the Flash, man.
You're not much of a runner.
- Nope.
Not eved.
That's what I thought of when I thought of this race.
I see a lot of people out there like, "Yeah, man, I'm into zombies and everything.
" And these people haven't run a race - Since gym class.
- Yes! Four steps and they're like, "Oh!" I'm gonna be a zombie.
I think not only can you run it and finish it, I think you can win it.
I'm just worried about Mike though.
Don't want anybody at the Stash to be embarrassed here.
I'm a little past my prime, But I'll bet you I could help you guys train.
Yeah, I'll be alongside training with you.
I need you in shape.
Like I don't want you to be like, "No, just leave me! Just leave me here!" I don't want you going all C-3PO on me.
I'm gonna hobble your ass, So the zombies can get you while I can run.
I have something you may not have seen for over 20 years.
Someone just popped my nerdgasm.
Yeah! Gimme some jumping jacks! If you were like, "Hey, man, My entire childhood is summed up in this one movie," You know, as a kid, movies were not that big a deal to me.
I was reading comics.
But there's a movie for you that defines your childhood.
- Mm-hmm.
- What would that movie be? Bad News Bears.
Not a bad movie.
Stof the times.
Like, when they remade it, nothing like it.
None of the cursing, none of the offensive stuff.
I think that you're pining for a time That's never gonna come back-- When you could give beer to kids and not get arrested.
Everything doesn't come back eventually? Driving drunk in a convertible With the kids sitting up on the back.
- Hey, how you doing? - I'm fine.
What can we do for you today? I think I have something you may not have seen For over 20 years.
Which came out in 1989.
Now, that's a movie! Batman, 1989.
When Batman came out, I had to own everything Batman.
It was like someone just popped my nerdgasm, you know? I-- So eloquent.
I love your phrasing.
Do you remember the first night We all went to see this movie? - Yes.
- We saw it in the big theater, And it was packed, and people were going absolutely nuts.
And it was like a representation of Batman, And finally you were, like, "Oh "this legitimizes everything that I've stood for My whole life!" It doesn't hold up, though.
When was the last time you watched it? Sad to say.
How do you keep a box of cereal sealed And in this king of shape for that long? Because I had it in my dorm room.
You were in college when Batman came out? In '89, which is amazing how that never got eaten.
'cause I had some roommates who would Come home late at night, And they'd have the munchies, And I was able to keep it away from them.
After midnight after they get that grass in them? All right, well, what are you looking for For this box of cereal? I'm not asking for a lot.
I was asking for, like, $50.
Did you have some leftover weed from college too? I got a box of Batman cereal in 1989.
I got the one with the Batman bank Shrink-wrapped to the front of the box.
Where's the Batman bank? If you want $50, where's that bank? Or maybe, when I was 21 years old, I couldn't afford the one with the Batman bank on it.
It was the same price as this one.
I--they didn't have it.
I'll give you $10 for it.
I'd say $30.
It'd be a great conversational piece.
How about $25? I'll put it right up there.
Where it will remain at the stash indefinitely.
I will take that deal Because I know it has a home here.
All right, man, you got a deal.
All right.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
It's been a pleasure.
- Have a great afternoon.
Thank you.
I remember it tasted And had the texture of a cap'n crunch.
I don't remember, But somebody at this table may remember.
Uh, yeah.
Wait, you didn't eat collector cereal, did you? What you're doing? Let's try it out.
You do realize that this is, like, almost antique? I just want to try, like, half a bowl.
- Really? - Yeah.
Crack it open.
All right, all right.
- What's it look like? - You know what? It doesn't look that bad.
Oh, that's the sweet spot.
All right, perfect.
No, that's good.
- All right, are you ready? - Does it matter if I'm ready? All that matters is if you're ready.
It really is stale.
It's stale.
It was a good year, '89.
Five-spot to do the Gremlin walk.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
What the hell? It's a zombie run, not a zombie walk! Around '99, 2000, Action figure craze exploded In the world of collectors Because they finally figured out How to make action figures That look like your favorite characters in the comics.
I mean, it was a sickness.
I literally couldn't pass a chain retail store Without going in.
You're diseased! You need help, Walter.
My addiction got so bad that I would talk In these big stores, and I'd be, like, "Hey, man, if you ever know when a truck's coming in, "Um, I'll give you my number, you can give me a call.
And, you know, maybe I'll give you some-something for it.
" Legend has it, years after this operation closed down, Somebody who worked there came into our store And told Walter, like, "you were legendary "where I worked.
Every morning--" - they had meetings, yeah.
And they were, like, If you see this person-- "if you see this person's name, is not allowed to shock here.
" Toy Story cowboy? Have they ever killed off a major character And not brought him back eventually? The only one that I can think Peter Parker's Uncle Ben.
You know why they can't bring him back, right? Because then it negates "With great power comes Great responsibility.
" Then he doesn't no longer need To be Spider-Man no more.
And why would you bring back Uncle Ben? Why bring any character back? For the almighty dollar.
How big would that issue be? Double poly bagged, With a pair of depends for old people.
Hey, guys, what's up? How you doing? What can we do for you today? I got this bad boy for you.
Sheena number two.
Oh, my goodness.
You got your gloves, Mike? I do.
Let me go grab 'em.
Bend over.
So where'd you get this from? I basically got into a little bit of juvenile trouble, They made me go see a counselor.
We hit it off, and he gave it to me as a gift.
What were you in for? I got caught drinking a little airplane bottle of brandy In high school, that was on a dare.
I mean, were you drinking it nude In a nursing home or something? Be a better story if I was.
So the Sheena comic-- who drew it? It was credited to one w.
Morgan Yhomas.
I don't know that name.
But you'd know the name that it really belonged to-- - Will Eisner.
- Will Eisner drew the book? Under unassumed identity? Yeah.
He had a talent house back in the '40s, And he worked under other names So it looked like he had a bigger bullpen.
He had a stable of people working for him, But really, it was just him under a different name.
So what's it worth? Um, this, in good condition, Is worth about $130.
- Yeah.
- That's in good condition.
This is a far cry.
Water damage up top, Significant discoloring of the pages, And flaking.
What are you looking for for this today? I'm looking for $100.
$100? Well, he told you, in better shape than this, How about $80? I couldn't do $80 on it.
Like, I honestly don't know if I could get More than $20 for this in the store.
How about $55, and I do a walk for you What kind of walk is that? - It's the Gremlin walk.
- The Gremlin walk? Yeah, the Gremlin walk.
How 'bout you keep the comic, And I'll give you $5 to do that walk out of here? Prepare to have your minds blown.
Okay.
All right.
Uh This is who Walt expects me to train.
A guy dressed head to toe in silk.
If you put a twist tie on his head, He'd look like a loaf of white bread.
All soft and white and gross.
But I'm up for the challenge.
What are your qualifications? Why are you training us? I have seen people that are fit.
I have talked to people who are fit.
- And he saw Rocky III twice.
- Exactly.
That was more of a motivator than a trainer.
To just about anything I threw their way.
They would have to me super receptive To be trained by someone who's not running themselves, Or never gonna run, either.
Gimme some jumping jacks! - Left, right.
- Left, right, left - Come on.
Come on! - Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah! Run for your life.
Go! What do you think is the best accessory That a superhero has? Or supervillain.
- Captain America's shield.
- That's awesome.
At about Green Lantern's ring? I was gonna say the battery and the ring? - Web shooters.
- Oh, yeah.
Batgirl's motorcycle.
- The purple one? - Yeah.
I think I can ride that Batgirl's motorcycle and still be badass.
How you doing? Oh, I'm doing good.
I have a comic you might be interested in.
I would be interested in this.
Look at this, Mike.
That's the first Swamp Thing.
To me, my favorite run of comic books of all time Is when Alan Moore took over Swamp Thing.
Yeah, that was an unbelievable run.
Len Wein, Bernie Wrightson, with all due respect, They invent that character.
But it's reinvented brilliantly By alan moore, like, a decade later.
It is pure poetry.
It's hands-down some of the best writing I've ever read in my life, and that includes the greats, Like Mark Twain, Shakespeare.
Top five characters of all time.
Movies, comics, tv, it doesn't matter.
Swamp Thing is on that list.
I could sit here all day And just slobber over Swamp Thing And tell you how awesome it is, But you already know that price.
I was thinking maybe $400.
$400, huh? Glad I sat down.
Any chance you could do $200 for it? Oh, no, not $200.
Sentimental value alone, I just can't even-- - Here we go again.
- Sentimental value.
Unfortunately, we don't deal with sentimental value.
Come on, give me another number.
- All right.
- $350? - $300.
That's really as high as I can go.
- I know it is.
- But on an auction site, - I'll probably get better.
- All right.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, guys, - But thank you very much.
- All right, man.
- All right, see you later.
- What are you gonna do? Couldn't pull the trigger.
One, two, three, break.
- All right, let's go.
- See you at the finish line.
What is 5k in, like, american mileage? Do you feel ready for three miles? No way.
I tried to give him a good attitude.
You know, I imparted all the knowledge that I've gained From, you know, the many years of running that I've done.
And them you put oil on him, rubbed him down and stuff? You limber? You ready? - Okay.
We should go.
- Yeah! At this time, any strategy you have will not work.
You want a piece of advice? Run for your life! Go! [all cheering.]
- Off the right, off the right.
- Oh, [bleep.]
.
- Mike, we just started.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Take a breath.
You're not gonna die, are you? [bleep.]
.
He hit the wall ten seconds in.
[laughter.]
But we were committed to finishing.
There was a lot on the line.
We had sponsors.
We were running it for the wayne foundation.
We had to finish.
- At the end of the day, dude, Survival is what counts.
- Come on.
- Oh, [bleep.]
.
Come on.
We gotta make it through this.
[zombie growls.]
- Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! - Augh! - Aah! It felt real.
There were moments it felt real.
Why are you guys laughing? It did! You guys weren't there.
Oh, dude, he's not even laughing.
He's giving you the pitiful this one, like You guys weren't running with us.
I saw the zombies, I saw the runners.
There was nothing real about it.
[laughter.]
- Oh, man - You're doing great, man.
There's too many zombies.
They're everywhere.
Don't worry about it.
I think we can walk for a little while.
- How you feeling? - What the hell? It's a zombie run, not a zombie walk! - Ow! - Go on, now! You've been slacking.
I trained you better! You hit me in the head with a severed hand.
[laughter.]
- Oh, no.
You slow down, next thing you know, you're stopped.
Sometimes you gotta think outside the box.
My fear was that I was gonna have to Carry this guy off the course, [indistinct chatter.]
Oh, Christ! - Hoo-wah! - Come on, Mike.
[zombie growls.]
Brains! All right.
All right This is electric, dude.
All right.
- Come on, boys.
- Come on.
We're almost there.
Come on, come on, come on! Three more feet.
Yeah.
All right.
We're alive.
- Good job.
Good job.
- Good job.
- You were gonna make it.
- No, but I did finish, And it felt great.
When it's all said and done, How much did you come up with? We raised $1,100.
And a fun time was had, by all.
I thank you for running on behalf of the Wayne Foundation, I salute you guys.
That's a cool thing that you did.
Would you do it again? Absolutely not.
[laughter.]
That's gonna wrap it up for another episode Of Comic Book Men for this week.
But next week, more high tales of adventure Until then, I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
See you on the JLA Watchtower, kids.
Good night.
Very short-lived and rightly so.
'cause it sucked.
What about the Batman tv show, The 1966 Batman series? What a show, man.
Every episode, they were getting down, Throwing punches, doing elaborate back flips With robin on batman's back as he swung him around And was kicking like this.
And that was just the bedroom scenes.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men, The only show that's broadcast directly from the negative zone.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
What's been happening this week? Enlighten us.
Really, one of the most oddball items Came through the door.
- Really? And when I say "oddball," I literally mean ball.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- How's it going? - Hi, how you doing? Hi.
Got some stuff I'm looking to sell.
We don't do sports collectibles.
Well, it's signed by most of the Batman tv show cast.
Batman baseball? I mean, this ball is badass.
Two Catwomen.
- Burgess Meredith, the Penguin.
- The penguin.
Gorshin, the Riddler.
Burt ward, Robin.
- I mean, who else is on here? - Adam West and Art Carney.
Oh, my God! What a show, man.
I love it.
I wanted it, 'cause I had never seen it before.
And I thought it would look great in the store.
So I had called Rob Bruce in.
Rob bruce is our resident pop culturalist Who Walter calls on at all times To validate items, to evaluate them, To tell us more about them.
He's a Batman of useless facts.
- Robert, check this out.
- Wow.
A baseball.
Signed by the cast of the 1966 Batman tv show.
Wow! Is it for sale? It's for sale.
All these signatures on a baseball? There's probably not two of these in the world.
This is never gonna walk through It's easy enough to get Adam West and Burt Ward's autographs.
But some of the guys passed .
Art Carney is like really rare.
But I mean, it's still a baseball.
It's a really odd thing.
Some of the signatures are very common obviously.
And some of are still alive.
So you can go out and get Yvonne Craig's autograph At the next convention.
Okay, what would you pay for it? I'd like to pay half of whatever the ball's worth.
I think the ball's probably worth $350, $400 retail.
Call me if you need me.
- Thank you, Robert.
- Thanks.
Let's talk baseball.
Would you do $275? $275, I'll take it right now.
I would go, uh, $250 and a t-shirt.
Hell yeah! Hell yeah! You got a deal.
Whened? Hey, Walt.
I need you to switch saturdays with me.
Why? We're gonna be doing a zombie run.
It's a 5k And your chased by people who dress up like zombies.
We're gonna be raising some money For Kevin's charity Wayne Foundation.
We got a little charity called the Wayne Foundation.
And you guys ran on behalf of the Wayne Foundation.
- We did.
- Where was the race? It was outside of Pittsburgh.
Right.
Now that means something to those of us Who are geeks, Because Pittsburgh is birthplace Of the zombie movement.
George Romero, the dead master, Shot Night of the Living Dead right nearPittsburgh.
So to be in Western Pennsylvania, Running away from zombies, That almost puts you in Night of the Living Dead.
How awesome is this? Rather than a start-to-finish race, Where, you know, you just run from one end to the other, You're getting chased by bloodthirsty zombies.
It's an obstacle course too.
Over walls or climbing over cargo nets.
Do either of these guys strike you As being able to do parkour Or run like military-style obstacle courses? Now I know you run quite a bit all the time.
But you, sir, mr.
Zapcic, I've heard of a tale Of you being Wally West, Barry Allen, Fleeting around like the Flash, man.
You're not much of a runner.
- Nope.
Not eved.
That's what I thought of when I thought of this race.
I see a lot of people out there like, "Yeah, man, I'm into zombies and everything.
" And these people haven't run a race - Since gym class.
- Yes! Four steps and they're like, "Oh!" I'm gonna be a zombie.
I think not only can you run it and finish it, I think you can win it.
I'm just worried about Mike though.
Don't want anybody at the Stash to be embarrassed here.
I'm a little past my prime, But I'll bet you I could help you guys train.
Yeah, I'll be alongside training with you.
I need you in shape.
Like I don't want you to be like, "No, just leave me! Just leave me here!" I don't want you going all C-3PO on me.
I'm gonna hobble your ass, So the zombies can get you while I can run.
I have something you may not have seen for over 20 years.
Someone just popped my nerdgasm.
Yeah! Gimme some jumping jacks! If you were like, "Hey, man, My entire childhood is summed up in this one movie," You know, as a kid, movies were not that big a deal to me.
I was reading comics.
But there's a movie for you that defines your childhood.
- Mm-hmm.
- What would that movie be? Bad News Bears.
Not a bad movie.
Stof the times.
Like, when they remade it, nothing like it.
None of the cursing, none of the offensive stuff.
I think that you're pining for a time That's never gonna come back-- When you could give beer to kids and not get arrested.
Everything doesn't come back eventually? Driving drunk in a convertible With the kids sitting up on the back.
- Hey, how you doing? - I'm fine.
What can we do for you today? I think I have something you may not have seen For over 20 years.
Which came out in 1989.
Now, that's a movie! Batman, 1989.
When Batman came out, I had to own everything Batman.
It was like someone just popped my nerdgasm, you know? I-- So eloquent.
I love your phrasing.
Do you remember the first night We all went to see this movie? - Yes.
- We saw it in the big theater, And it was packed, and people were going absolutely nuts.
And it was like a representation of Batman, And finally you were, like, "Oh "this legitimizes everything that I've stood for My whole life!" It doesn't hold up, though.
When was the last time you watched it? Sad to say.
How do you keep a box of cereal sealed And in this king of shape for that long? Because I had it in my dorm room.
You were in college when Batman came out? In '89, which is amazing how that never got eaten.
'cause I had some roommates who would Come home late at night, And they'd have the munchies, And I was able to keep it away from them.
After midnight after they get that grass in them? All right, well, what are you looking for For this box of cereal? I'm not asking for a lot.
I was asking for, like, $50.
Did you have some leftover weed from college too? I got a box of Batman cereal in 1989.
I got the one with the Batman bank Shrink-wrapped to the front of the box.
Where's the Batman bank? If you want $50, where's that bank? Or maybe, when I was 21 years old, I couldn't afford the one with the Batman bank on it.
It was the same price as this one.
I--they didn't have it.
I'll give you $10 for it.
I'd say $30.
It'd be a great conversational piece.
How about $25? I'll put it right up there.
Where it will remain at the stash indefinitely.
I will take that deal Because I know it has a home here.
All right, man, you got a deal.
All right.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
It's been a pleasure.
- Have a great afternoon.
Thank you.
I remember it tasted And had the texture of a cap'n crunch.
I don't remember, But somebody at this table may remember.
Uh, yeah.
Wait, you didn't eat collector cereal, did you? What you're doing? Let's try it out.
You do realize that this is, like, almost antique? I just want to try, like, half a bowl.
- Really? - Yeah.
Crack it open.
All right, all right.
- What's it look like? - You know what? It doesn't look that bad.
Oh, that's the sweet spot.
All right, perfect.
No, that's good.
- All right, are you ready? - Does it matter if I'm ready? All that matters is if you're ready.
It really is stale.
It's stale.
It was a good year, '89.
Five-spot to do the Gremlin walk.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
What the hell? It's a zombie run, not a zombie walk! Around '99, 2000, Action figure craze exploded In the world of collectors Because they finally figured out How to make action figures That look like your favorite characters in the comics.
I mean, it was a sickness.
I literally couldn't pass a chain retail store Without going in.
You're diseased! You need help, Walter.
My addiction got so bad that I would talk In these big stores, and I'd be, like, "Hey, man, if you ever know when a truck's coming in, "Um, I'll give you my number, you can give me a call.
And, you know, maybe I'll give you some-something for it.
" Legend has it, years after this operation closed down, Somebody who worked there came into our store And told Walter, like, "you were legendary "where I worked.
Every morning--" - they had meetings, yeah.
And they were, like, If you see this person-- "if you see this person's name, is not allowed to shock here.
" Toy Story cowboy? Have they ever killed off a major character And not brought him back eventually? The only one that I can think Peter Parker's Uncle Ben.
You know why they can't bring him back, right? Because then it negates "With great power comes Great responsibility.
" Then he doesn't no longer need To be Spider-Man no more.
And why would you bring back Uncle Ben? Why bring any character back? For the almighty dollar.
How big would that issue be? Double poly bagged, With a pair of depends for old people.
Hey, guys, what's up? How you doing? What can we do for you today? I got this bad boy for you.
Sheena number two.
Oh, my goodness.
You got your gloves, Mike? I do.
Let me go grab 'em.
Bend over.
So where'd you get this from? I basically got into a little bit of juvenile trouble, They made me go see a counselor.
We hit it off, and he gave it to me as a gift.
What were you in for? I got caught drinking a little airplane bottle of brandy In high school, that was on a dare.
I mean, were you drinking it nude In a nursing home or something? Be a better story if I was.
So the Sheena comic-- who drew it? It was credited to one w.
Morgan Yhomas.
I don't know that name.
But you'd know the name that it really belonged to-- - Will Eisner.
- Will Eisner drew the book? Under unassumed identity? Yeah.
He had a talent house back in the '40s, And he worked under other names So it looked like he had a bigger bullpen.
He had a stable of people working for him, But really, it was just him under a different name.
So what's it worth? Um, this, in good condition, Is worth about $130.
- Yeah.
- That's in good condition.
This is a far cry.
Water damage up top, Significant discoloring of the pages, And flaking.
What are you looking for for this today? I'm looking for $100.
$100? Well, he told you, in better shape than this, How about $80? I couldn't do $80 on it.
Like, I honestly don't know if I could get More than $20 for this in the store.
How about $55, and I do a walk for you What kind of walk is that? - It's the Gremlin walk.
- The Gremlin walk? Yeah, the Gremlin walk.
How 'bout you keep the comic, And I'll give you $5 to do that walk out of here? Prepare to have your minds blown.
Okay.
All right.
Uh This is who Walt expects me to train.
A guy dressed head to toe in silk.
If you put a twist tie on his head, He'd look like a loaf of white bread.
All soft and white and gross.
But I'm up for the challenge.
What are your qualifications? Why are you training us? I have seen people that are fit.
I have talked to people who are fit.
- And he saw Rocky III twice.
- Exactly.
That was more of a motivator than a trainer.
To just about anything I threw their way.
They would have to me super receptive To be trained by someone who's not running themselves, Or never gonna run, either.
Gimme some jumping jacks! - Left, right.
- Left, right, left - Come on.
Come on! - Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah! Run for your life.
Go! What do you think is the best accessory That a superhero has? Or supervillain.
- Captain America's shield.
- That's awesome.
At about Green Lantern's ring? I was gonna say the battery and the ring? - Web shooters.
- Oh, yeah.
Batgirl's motorcycle.
- The purple one? - Yeah.
I think I can ride that Batgirl's motorcycle and still be badass.
How you doing? Oh, I'm doing good.
I have a comic you might be interested in.
I would be interested in this.
Look at this, Mike.
That's the first Swamp Thing.
To me, my favorite run of comic books of all time Is when Alan Moore took over Swamp Thing.
Yeah, that was an unbelievable run.
Len Wein, Bernie Wrightson, with all due respect, They invent that character.
But it's reinvented brilliantly By alan moore, like, a decade later.
It is pure poetry.
It's hands-down some of the best writing I've ever read in my life, and that includes the greats, Like Mark Twain, Shakespeare.
Top five characters of all time.
Movies, comics, tv, it doesn't matter.
Swamp Thing is on that list.
I could sit here all day And just slobber over Swamp Thing And tell you how awesome it is, But you already know that price.
I was thinking maybe $400.
$400, huh? Glad I sat down.
Any chance you could do $200 for it? Oh, no, not $200.
Sentimental value alone, I just can't even-- - Here we go again.
- Sentimental value.
Unfortunately, we don't deal with sentimental value.
Come on, give me another number.
- All right.
- $350? - $300.
That's really as high as I can go.
- I know it is.
- But on an auction site, - I'll probably get better.
- All right.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, guys, - But thank you very much.
- All right, man.
- All right, see you later.
- What are you gonna do? Couldn't pull the trigger.
One, two, three, break.
- All right, let's go.
- See you at the finish line.
What is 5k in, like, american mileage? Do you feel ready for three miles? No way.
I tried to give him a good attitude.
You know, I imparted all the knowledge that I've gained From, you know, the many years of running that I've done.
And them you put oil on him, rubbed him down and stuff? You limber? You ready? - Okay.
We should go.
- Yeah! At this time, any strategy you have will not work.
You want a piece of advice? Run for your life! Go! [all cheering.]
- Off the right, off the right.
- Oh, [bleep.]
.
- Mike, we just started.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Take a breath.
You're not gonna die, are you? [bleep.]
.
He hit the wall ten seconds in.
[laughter.]
But we were committed to finishing.
There was a lot on the line.
We had sponsors.
We were running it for the wayne foundation.
We had to finish.
- At the end of the day, dude, Survival is what counts.
- Come on.
- Oh, [bleep.]
.
Come on.
We gotta make it through this.
[zombie growls.]
- Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! - Augh! - Aah! It felt real.
There were moments it felt real.
Why are you guys laughing? It did! You guys weren't there.
Oh, dude, he's not even laughing.
He's giving you the pitiful this one, like You guys weren't running with us.
I saw the zombies, I saw the runners.
There was nothing real about it.
[laughter.]
- Oh, man - You're doing great, man.
There's too many zombies.
They're everywhere.
Don't worry about it.
I think we can walk for a little while.
- How you feeling? - What the hell? It's a zombie run, not a zombie walk! - Ow! - Go on, now! You've been slacking.
I trained you better! You hit me in the head with a severed hand.
[laughter.]
- Oh, no.
You slow down, next thing you know, you're stopped.
Sometimes you gotta think outside the box.
My fear was that I was gonna have to Carry this guy off the course, [indistinct chatter.]
Oh, Christ! - Hoo-wah! - Come on, Mike.
[zombie growls.]
Brains! All right.
All right This is electric, dude.
All right.
- Come on, boys.
- Come on.
We're almost there.
Come on, come on, come on! Three more feet.
Yeah.
All right.
We're alive.
- Good job.
Good job.
- Good job.
- You were gonna make it.
- No, but I did finish, And it felt great.
When it's all said and done, How much did you come up with? We raised $1,100.
And a fun time was had, by all.
I thank you for running on behalf of the Wayne Foundation, I salute you guys.
That's a cool thing that you did.
Would you do it again? Absolutely not.
[laughter.]
That's gonna wrap it up for another episode Of Comic Book Men for this week.
But next week, more high tales of adventure Until then, I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
See you on the JLA Watchtower, kids.
Good night.