Creamerie (2021) s02e06 Episode Script

- You look good.
Hmm. Cute jacket.
Your loyalty to a fascist
murderer has really paid off.
I hope it was worth it.
(tense music continues)
- Wait here.
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(slow footsteps patter)
- Alex, Pip, Jamie, my girls!
- Hi, Pip.
- What happened to your hair?
- Oh, Michelle just wanted
a change, didn't you?
None of those nasty old bangs.
Come.
I have something to ask you in
private
(tense music)
(tense music)
(whistling)
- Na-na!
- [Bobby] Trying to fatten
me up before the kill?
- Righto, you fucking drama
queen.
Just trying to be a good host.
- You're not a good
host if you turn me in.
- Oh, it's not up to me.
It's up to your friends
and whether they can come
up with the goods in time.
- Why you doing all this,
anyway, hmm?
You wanna watch a rat
in a cage, is that it?
- I mean, I was curious.
- About what?
- How it feels.
You like being the endangered
species now?
- Oh, is that funny to you, is
it?
- No.
No, I'm saying I think
I know how it feels.
- You don't know shit about me.
- True.
But I do know about people.
I know about the violence that
they make,
and some of it's meant to hurt.
Fuck those guys.
But the other stuff,
I mean, that's almost worse,
isn't it?
They don't even mean to
dehumanize you.
You just, you're already
so far from human to them.
You're just this
This thing.
So.
(clears throat)
Best way I know how to un-thing
myself
is to indulge uniquely human
pleasures.
Case in point.
(dishes quietly clanking)
(women murmuring)
- Shoo, shoo.
Pure decadence, isn't it, Pippy?
Have some.
- No thank you.
- You know you want to.
Mm, delicious.
The macaron have real gold foil
on them.
- Fuck the macarons.
Why are we here?
Ugh, okay, fine.
Spoil sports.
My question to you is
what's better than the first
boy baby shower in eight years?
Two boy baby showers.
(laughs)
Oh, goddess.
No, I'm not having twins.
No, no, no, no.
(laughs)
I mean, who else here is with
child?
Jamie, you're gonna have a boy!
(tense music)
(laughs)
- What?
- Using a nifty little
procedure called Nanopore,
we detected fragments of
other DNA in your blood.
Fetal DNA with a Y chromosome.
We know the virus kills
100% of boy embryos
within hours of conception.
For eight years,
we have known there is 100%
mortality of boy embryos.
Until me.
And now until you, too.
Can you believe it?
Oh, isn't it just fantastic?
I know we've had our ups and
downs,
but I firmly believe this
is mother nature's way
of urging a reconciliation.
Constance, I would like some
mummy to mummy time with Jamie.
Watch the others for me, will
you?
- I'll come with you.
Michelle can watch them.
- Ah, I think I can handle
myself.
What is she, 45, 50 kilos?
(laughs)
Come.
(tense music continues)
Oh, Jamie, come.
I promise it'll be worth your
while.
Watch your head on the way down.
(tense music continues)
Here's to Bobby, he's true
blue ♪
He's a piss pot through and
through ♪
He's not going to heaven
'cause he went the other way ♪
- Hey!
- Down! Down!
(both whooping)
Our boy, yeah!
(laughs)
- Whoa!
- Cheers, mate.
To my last good drink.
- Fucking drama queen.
- You know, on all your
big seafaring adventurous,
you ever see or hear of others
like me?
- I heard the odd rumor, but
Nah.
You're my first unicorn.
(laughs)
- Pretty shit unicorn, if you
ask me.
More like a jizz vending machine
unicorn.
It's true, though, isn't it?
That's all I am now.
- Not to me, mate.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you mean it?
(hatch opens)
- [Woman] Boss.
- Fuck!
- Please, please.
- Time's up.
(door closes)
- Get down.
It's not hygienic.
- Oh, don't use your bedroom
voice here, Constance.
- Get down.
- Okay, okay.
- Did you cut your hair?
Why do you let her treat you
like that?
- You don't know her like we do.
- What, she fuck you?
- No, she unfucked me.
- Michelle, after everything
you've seen her do.
Constance, you've seen her, too.
Allowing her to be mayor of
Hiro Valley is one thing.
Allowing her to be prime
minister of the whole country
is,
like, a lot another.
- No.
(tense music)
No, goddess, no.
We need a sense of occasion.
- We shouldn't be drinking.
- Wouldn't have picked
you for a prude, Jamie.
The yummy mummies in France
don't deprive themselves.
Why should we?
Voila.
Chalet Ouvert, Le Chateau Rouge
1999,
as in let's party like it's.
(corkscrew clatters)
We inherited this from the
French ambassador's estate.
He couldn't take it with him.
(cork pops)
Ah, I missed that sound!
Don't you?
(humming "Marseillaise"
while pouring wine)
Hold these while I make you
a little more comfortable.
(handcuffs clicking)
Carpe futurum.
(glasses clink)
My Jim-Jam Jamie.
Mm.
Have some.
Mm.
(key clatters)
I was curious.
- About what?
- About whether you really
thought I was gonna share
my baby shower with you.
- So, uh
So what now?
- I'm gonna cut you a one-time
deal.
- Oh yeah, and what's that?
- You win the sperm lottery.
As many daughters as you want.
You get your farm back.
I guarantee you and your
friends' safety.
And every birthday you get
macaron
and French champagne on moi.
(glasses clink)
If
You give me your son to raise as
my own.
You say you're not feeling well
tonight.
Tomorrow you miscarry.
I put you up in my country
house,
we draw up the paperwork,
and in a matter of months
you'll be pregnant again,
only this time you won't have
to worry about their future.
They'll look exactly like
brothers,
and they will want for nothing
in their long, abundant lives,
and neither will you.
That's not a deal.
It's a no-brainer.
(tense music continues)
Yes or no?
(tense music continues)
- Fucking no.
- Don't be rash, Jamie
- Don't be selfish.
Don't cut off your nose to
spite your incredible future.
Yes or-
- No means no, you fucking cunt.
- Do you know the expression
pearls before swine?
I can't tell who's stupider,
the pigs who can't tell what's
on offer
or the idiot who keeps throwing
gifts in front of pigs.
(glass shatters)
(Jamie grunting)
(tense music continues)
Shh, shh, shh.
Not now.
Rest now.
It's okay.
(tense music continues)
(women panting)
- What?
- I'm fine.
She attacked me, Constance.
You were right to worry.
She's unwell.
(Michelle gasps)
(tense music continues)
She attacked
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(Lane panting)
(tense music continues)
(nails scratching)
- Lane!
Lane!
What's happening?
- Clever little subcutaneous
sleepy juice.
Nicely done, Jamie.
- Thanks. Worked just
like you said it would.
- What did you do to her?
- She'll be fine.
- What did I do to her?
Here's what she just tried
to do to my unborn child.
(tense music continues)
- You tricked her.
- We all know what she's capable
of.
The only difference this
time, we were ready for it.
(tense music continues)
(Constance panting)
- You're all in on this.
You're all in on this.
What is this?
- We made a deal.
What could you possibly have to
offer me
that's worth more than
30 liters of white gold?
- Well, what's worth more than a
tired,
dried-up, haggard specimen like
Bobby?
The literal motherload herself.
- Normal touch won't be enough
to administer the sedative.
You need to scratch as hard
as you can, break the skin,
hold on for at least five
seconds for the full dose.
You got it?
- [Jamie] All we needed
now was to get close
to the new Prime Minister.
(door crashes open)
- [Pip] Nothing less
than treason would get us
into government house,
so we committed the most heinous
treason we could think of.
- [Alex] We knew Lane
would want to talk to us
when she found out Jamie was
pregnant with another boy.
- Isn't it just fantastic?
- [Jamie] All we needed
was just the right moment
for Lane to do what she always
does.
Put herself first at all costs.
(tense music continues)
- Why would you do this?
- Lane's coming with us.
- Over my dead fucking body.
- We're not gonna hurt her.
- [Constance] Bullshit!
- Constance, you don't
owe her a goddamn thing.
Listen. Listen!
You can run this place better
than her any fucking day.
We are taking Lane,
and I swear on my mother's life
that we will ensure her safety
and her safety of her son.
What about you, Bad Hair Day?
Ready to control the
destiny of your own head?
I think you could rock a pixie
undercut.
- Just give us a 10-minute
headstart.
That's all we're asking.
10 minutes and then you sound
the alarm.
Make your choice.
(Constance inhales shakily)
(calm music)
(calm music continues)
(calm music continues)
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry, are they?
- They're exes.
- What?
- I know.
(tense music)
(wheels rolling)
(women chattering)
- [Woman] Oi, that's my cake!
- Go, go, go!
- Um, excuse me!
That's my cake?
Um, who are you?
- Uh, Health and Safety.
- Well, dress rehearsal
started, like, five minutes ago,
and I'm busting outta that
cake in T minus two minutes,
so let's go.
(tense music continues)
Oh goddess, why is it so heavy?
Come on!
Push, push!
(grunts)
Can we get a little
bit extra help, please?
(tense music continues)
(engine rumbling)
(women chattering)
- Please, mate.
Just come on, please.
- It's not personal.
- Then you could personally not
do it.
- I've got a crew to feed.
(tense music)
(women chattering)
- I believe motherhood
is the most abundant gift
the universe can bestow on a
woman,
let alone the first boy
since the great reset.
I invite you to celebrate me,
us,
and our miraculously bright
future.
- No, stop, stop!
Back a bit.
- No!
- Ah-ah!
- No.
- What?
- It's not safe.
- No, move your hands.
- No.
- Excuse me!
Move!
- Stop!
(big band music)
- Fuck!
You're gonna fucking pay for
this.
Ding dong bell, pussy's in the
well ♪
Who put her in? ♪
Little Johnny Green ♪
- It's not safe! You need
to get down from there!
Who pulled her out? ♪
Just stop it.
Little Tommy Stout ♪
What a naughty boy was that ♪
(muffled singing)
To drown poor pussy cat ♪
Who never did- ♪
Get off!
Killed all the mice ♪
- There's been an attack!
(music cuts out abruptly)
(women gasping)
There's been an attack in the
wine cellar.
(women chattering)
(big band music)
- But I'm not finished!
Wait!
- [Jamie] Now, now, now, go, go,
go, go!
(grunts)
(performer screams)
- Right now.
- Go, go, go, go!
(tense music)
(women shouting orders)
(tense music continues)
(wheels rolling)
- Go, go, go, go, go!
(tense music continues)
(engine revving)
(tires squealing)
- You have my cake!
(tense music continues)
(grunting in frustration)
- So
- We're good, mate.
We're fucking good!
(laughs)
- We're good!
We're good!
- Let's get the fuck outta here.
- We're good!
(tense music continues)
(ship rumbling)
(ship rumbling)
(ship rumbling)
(ship rumbling)
(ship rumbling)
(waves splashing)
(Lane gasping)
- No.
No, no, no, no!
No!
No!
(scream echoing)
(laughs)
- Probably a bad time to tell
her
we just crossed into
international waters.
(laughs)
- Last card.
- What?
(waves splashing)
(waves splashing)
(waves splashing)
- I know you've got no reason to
trust me.
I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?
- I'll admit I wanted
to for the longest time,
but this is bigger than the both
of us.
Somehow you're proof of the
hack my mum was looking for.
Anyone here tries to treat you
like shit,
you let me know, okay?
I'm gonna be an auntie soon,
and no one fucks with auntie.
(waves splashing)
Oi, Jamie.
Your watch.
Gonna be an interesting two
weeks.
- Mate, those coordinates,
I'm telling you,
there's nothing there.
- You agreed.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, your
mum's work, yada yada yada.
As long as I get my end.
- And we get to vet whoever
you're selling her to.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll make sure the
terms
are mutually beneficial.
We sure did bag the motherload.
(Jamie heaving)
- You want me to make you a
ginger tea?
- No, I'm good, thanks.
- Hey, girls, the view's
pretty rad up top.
Let's check it out.
- All right, all right.
- What?
- Pick up 10.
- Screw this game.
(Bobby laughs)
(bottles clink)
(steam hissing)
(waves splashing)
(waves splashing)
(waves splashing)
- Are you actually pregnant?
- Yes.
- With a boy?
- Probably not.
- But the blood test-
- That we knew was coming
'cause you already tried perming
us once.
- The blood test
- That showed up fragments of
fetal DNA
with a Y chromosome, like you
said.
You know who else has
DNA with a Y chromosome?
(Lane laughs)
All it took was a simple blood
transfusion
(Lane laughs)
(tense music)
- You disguised Bobby's
blood as fetal blood.
Oh.
That is really so clever.
That's so resourceful and clever
and really quite sad for you,
too.
(tense music continues)
No matter how much you wanna
hurt me
and no matter how much
pain you want me to feel.
I'm guessing it's quite a
lot of pain, isn't it, Jamie?
You're not carrying a boy.
I am.
I am the one, the mother,
the singular future of the human
race.
And there's nothing you can do.
There's not one single thing you
can do.
(Jamie screams)
(Lane's scream echoing in slow
motion)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(water splashing)
- Jamie?
(dramatic music continues)
(footsteps rushing)
Jamie!
What have you done, Jamie?
What have you done?
(people on phone chattering)
- Well, I never said there
weren't mistakes made.
Excuse me.
Doctors, excuse me.
(tense music)
(people on phone chattering)
I created a viable embryo once.
I just need more time to
unlock Tilda's code again.
In the meantime, we will find
Lane,
reacquire my embryo-
- [Woman on Phone] Your embryo?
- Pull her back into line
and bring the people
who took her to justice.
This is what the good old
protocols are all about.
End of conversation.
(phone beeps)
(tense music continues)
All right.
Let's fix this fucking mess.
(helicopter whirring)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(bright music)