Dead Like Me s02e06 Episode Script

When I was a kid, I took ballroom dancing.
My mom said it would stay with me for life, but all I remember is one-two-three, one-two-three - What do you mean, no blueberry pancakes? - They're seasonal.
Explain something to me.
Are the blueberries fresh? They're dehydrated? How can something harvested months ago be seasonal? I don't make the rules.
I just play by them.
Something else you want? I had my heart set on blueberry pancakes.
- Are you pregnant? - I certainly hope so.
I'll have the Jayne Mansfield and grapefruit juice.
The Jayne Mansfield? A blueberry muffin, but just the top of the muffin.
So blueberry muffins, you have? Right, right, right.
You just play by them.
I am fucked.
You're fucked? My post-it is at an ice skating rink, and all I've got is this jacket.
Reaping 101--learn to layer.
You never know what the day might bring.
Maybe you could pray her up a pair of mittens and a cute scarf.
That's not what prayer is for, Roxy.
It's not for making yourself feel better after you fuck up.
- That's what I use it for.
- What's going on between you two ? Ask the nice little catholic girl who likes to steal jewelry from the dead.
Hey, I needed this.
Besides, she was mean.
The mean woman's family thinks the cops stole it off her fat, dead neck at the crime scene, and they want it back.
- Make her give it back, Rube.
- No way.
I'm having enough trouble with my breakfast this morning.
Good lord, I beseech thee, two scrambled eggs and a small O.
J.
, Amen.
Why do you persecute me? One Jane Mansfield.
Made your decision? I never thought the day would come, but I have no idea what I want to eat.
Go with bacon.
You never regret bacon.
Oh, it doesn't feel like a bacon day.
When did you run out of blueberries? Better timing.
Salt.
Move that puck! Go! Good shot, Andy.
You suck.
My mother has a better slap shot, and she's dead.
You see those little girls over here? I'd rather have one of them on my power play tomorrow night.
Hey, coach Henson.
Mama, I'm coming home.
Give me two minutes, Brian.
- Can't do it, coach.
Time's up.
- Time's up.
Got to go.
All right, get out of here.
I don't want to see any of you ever again, except you, Andy.
Get over here.
What are you doing out here? I'm playing hockey.
- Hey, how you doing? - Fine.
Do you want to play hockey or talk to pretty girls? Um both.
You're pissing it away, Andy.
You've got it, and you're pissing it away.
Oops, sorry, coach.
You can go back to your rant.
Any of you girls play hockey? You.
- What's your name? - Melissa.
Do you think you can handle a hockey stick better than him? No, but I bet I can play better than you.
Pass me the puck when I tell you to.
Now.
Coach, watch out! Oh, my god! He shoots he does not score.
Am I dead? As dead as I've seen in a while.
Are you dead? I was killed about a year ago, so I'm deadish.
Why was I killed? I don't know.
I don't make the rules.
I just play by them.
Chalk it up to bad timing, coach.
Come on.
Life and death was a kind of game, kind of like "duck, duck, goose.
" Duck, duck dead.
We're all just a step away from that dreaded tap on the head.
We're all just trying not to get caught.
Am I interrupting something? - Uh, no, I was just working on - fivesies? Foursies.
Millie, millie, millie, have you finished anything this morning? Actually, I did finish something Someone.
Big assignment, Millie.
We've got a new pharmaceuticals account.
They're about a week from a major drug launch.
They're terribly in need of a top-notch staffer.
Got that? Blah-blah, type memo, go get a mocha, send memo.
Got it.
These are the three applicants you have to choose from.
Back up.
Did you just say "choose"? Me? No, I said you choose.
You're in a new position now.
You're like the prettiest girl at the prom, or the sluttiest girl, if you went to catholic school.
You get to pick.
What if I'm neither? Decisions must be made.
Winners make decisions, Millie.
Winners make decisions, but nothing before my mocha, breakfast of champions.
We just sold your house.
Congratulations, you two.
Well, what do you think, Reggie? I think high-fives are in order.
- I don't think so.
- Okay, then.
- So how much did we make? - A lot.
- How much did she make? - She did well.
Do you want to know what my commission is, Reggie? Go ahead.
I make 5% of the selling price.
What a scam.
I want your job when I grow up.
No, you don't.
So are we rich? I usually suggest holding off on the celebration until closing escrow.
What's "escrow"? - It's a kind of in-between time, like - Purgatory? Limbo? She's a reader.
It's like bringing a sack lunch to school.
Your lunch is in the bag, but you have to wait until the bell rings to eat it.
if you just go ahead and give me that paperwork, Joy, I can skedaddle.
Where are we going to live? Well, escrow lasts for 45 days, so we have a month and a half to find a place.
wait, wait.
Hey, man, what's the deal? What the fuck, have you got a post-it here, too? What is this? "707 Hanley Boulevard.
" "707 Hanley.
Used records cheap"? Man, that shit ain't even worth it unless you're into that vintage '60s british thing.
Wait.
I'm a vintage '60s british thing, so fuck off.
Go on.
Anyone home? So, Michael, I see from your resume that you're a major in chemistry.
Yes, so if there's any technical stuff that comes up, I'm your man.
This is a highly pressured situation, Michael.
Lunateca is looking for a self- Starter with great interpersonal skills.
Do you think you're that person, Michael? I know I'm that person, Millie.
Lunateca is bringing a new painkiller to the market within the next few days, and they're hoping to hire someone before the drug is released.
- Michael, you are farting.
- I'm aware of that.
You do realize this isn'nt a job at a morning radio show? I'll take that as a no.
Listen.
I have irritable Bowel syndrome, okay? It's not a joke.
In fact, it's protected by the americans with disabilities' act So don't even think about trying to get rid of me for this.
I appreciate you coming in.
- Leave the door open? - Please.
Yeah, they're all for sale.
Anything you see.
You break it, you buy it.
- How much for that one, mate? - Not that one.
Anything else.
How about this one? That's right, anything but that one.
Are you selling your records or what? Well, I'm always a bit clearer after lunch.
The church yard at Wembley, 1965.
Fucking hell.
They did not do live recordings of this show, man.
- The band made their own.
- Yeah.
You knew someone in the church yard? Fuck off.
Did you? All my life.
Bloody hell.
Bloody hell, you're Gideon Jeffries.
Don't tell me you're another long-lost child of some groupie, because I'm tapped out.
Why don't you try Jagger? He's still touring.
Sorry.
Look, I-- I'm just such a tremendous, bloody fan of yours, man.
I mean this wasn't even a concert, was it? Do you know what I mean? It was a it was a fucking miracle.
That concert was 40 years ago.
You've got to be thinking about something else, mate.
Yeah, my uncle used to reminisce about it all the time.
Didn't shut up about it.
- Uncle? - Yeah.
- Chinese food.
- Brilliant.
Listen do you have, like, 20 bucks on you? I've got 20 bucks.
It's a bit early for chinese, but anything for Gideon Jeffries.
That's a parking ticket.
That's a parking ticket, yeah, and you know what's fucked up about it? I don't even fucking have a car.
I don't know why I've got a parking ticket-- Do you have a 20 on you? I've got a fucking I've got a 20, mate.
I've got--fuck, what the fuck? - There's a 20.
- All right, cheers.
Take a record.
- Just not that one.
- Gideon Jeffries, fuck.
Egg rolls, friend.
Hey, you like chinese? You look like you like chinese.
Take a card.
It's okay.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Can I offer you a bite? I'm trying to cut back, mate.
All that msg, toxic really bad for you.
What did you say your name was? Mason.
I used to be Gideon Jeffries.
I remember.
- I can't believe you sold our lily pad.
- Excuse me? Mrs.
Rodriguez said that frogs like to stay on one lily pad until another lily pad drifts by.
She said they don't really like to swim.
That's where the danger is, the pond.
What--what is-- what is your point? Ribbit, we're in the pond.
We are not in the pond.
Excuse us.
What is that? Some people downtown live in places like that.
- What kind of people? - Downtown people.
You know, how about-- just for fun-- we go look at a lily pad? You get me job.
Usually, we warm up with a little small talk before the commands begin.
I'm sorry.
My english is not perfect.
Perhaps others are more polite.
Hmm, you'd be surprised.
I didn't do it.
It was the guy before you.
- Anyway, you're russian? - Chechnyan.
Big difference.
- You know where this is? Chechnya? - Not really.
This job, Anton, is not entry level.
It's going to be very stressful, a pressure-filled situation.
I was doctor in Chechnya.
Then war came.
My hospital was bombed.
I was tortured.
Electrodes were attached to my testicles.
So you're all set on the pressure thing.
I don't get job, lose work Visa, go back.
- You get me job? - Maybe.
- Want a donut? - I need job, not donuts.
I get job, buy donuts.
Krispy Kremes.
This is awesome.
You can skateboard in your own living room.
But you wouldn't.
Anyway, people that work downtown love living here.
- You work downtown? - She doesn't work anywhere.
She's a mom.
I used to work.
- Where would I sleep? - Oh, your bedroom? That way.
So where are you living now? Do you know Beatrice Lane? No, and Beatrice Lane does not know me.
So is it is it safe down here? Well, during the day, everybody rushes around with their work, and during the night, everybody rushes around with their play, so you can be by yourself, but you're never alone.
Hmm.
That sounds nice.
Yeah.
It is just the two of you? Yep, that's what it is.
Yeah.
My room's huge.
Do you allow dogs? You're not allowed to move in without one.
Cool.
I guess she likes it.
Seems that way.
And she doesn't like anything.
So did you sell your place on Beatrice Lane? I'm in escrow.
Do you know what you need to do? You need to cruise by, check out the neighborhood at night, see if you like it.
Your room has a fireplace in it and a view of the sound.
- Hey, what's the name of your dog? - J.
D.
- J.
D.
What does "J.
D.
" Stand for? - "Just dog.
" Just dog I like Golden retrievers.
So what did her family say? You mean the grieving, stolen-cross family? Yeah.
They came to the precinct and complained.
They think the cops stole it.
It's an heirloom or some shit.
The fucking thing is older than you are.
- There's no need to be mean.
- Just give it back.
There's no law that says I have to.
Actually, there are several laws, Daisy Adair, including you-know-who's.
No need to bring him into it.
I'm keeping the cross.
Well, I'll say one thing.
You've got good taste.
- It's a beautiful cross.
- Thank you.
The thing's going to burn a hole clean through your neck to the back of your spine.
So he was far-- breaking wind through the whole interview? Just ripping one after another.
- That's funny, Crystal? - No.
It is a little funny.
Millie.
I'm sorry.
Irritable Bowel syndrome is a serious affliction.
Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had I.
B.
S.
- Is that what blew her skirt up? - That is in poor taste, Millie.
I'm sorry again.
Knock, knock.
I have an appointment with Millie.
- Margaret Paddington? - As in the bear? Asin the bear.
Hi.
I'm Millie.
Thanks for coming in.
I can't tell you how much this interview means to me.
At my age, I'm lucky to even get a call returned.
Oh, don't be silly.
We're happy to have you.
I guess it's true what they say about the magical superpowers a woman gets when she turns 50.
What's that? She can disappear.
Um, I took 10 years off to care for my aging parents who have now passed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, I should never have left the work force.
It's so hard now to get back in.
I should never have jumped off that train, and now I've lived with death for so long that well, I need to feel alive.
Well, let's see what we can do for you.
Gideon Jeffries, I just want to I just want to tell you how great you are.
I mean, you've invented the power stance.
Do you mind if I just Thank you, Baton Rouge.
- Do it for me? Please.
- No.
Power stance days are behind me.
Right, yeah, I'm sorry.
It's stupid.
I'm sorry for asking, man.
No, no, don't be sorry.
It's not stupid.
See, the Who started all this nonsense.
Townshend--just another rock star affectation.
He didn't actually produce more sound that way.
But it was so fucking cool wasn't it? Everything looks cool when you're 27.
What the fuck do you know? You're still a kid.
Do you mind if I eat my chinese now? Can I just ask you one question before you - Before what? - Nothing.
Anyway, mymy uncle, I swear to god, he worshipped you, man.
You know, and he--he ended up chasing this permanent high.
Anyway, he thought that if he's going to go out, he's going to go out like his heroes.
You know, he's going to go out like those well, those blokes from the church yard.
How did it turn out for your uncle? Not too well.
He ended up in a church yard.
Well, doesn't it always? - What? - Did you ever get there? The ultimate high? I'm still waiting.
Good luck.
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo, catch a tiger by its toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
My boss said to pick the very best one, but who the fuck is that? Me and Dad.
Two days before he passed.
Sigh Do I have a job ? Okay, what the hell? >From the chechnyan? Smells like it's from the other guy.
Gifts from an applicant? - The no-no of no-nos.
- I know.
I'm counting on you, Millie.
I hope you're at least narrowing it down.
Uh, absolutely.
Rock, paper, scissors match.
Fuck.
Okay, what was the best thing about being a rock star? The same thing as the worst-- all the girls.
Shut the fuck up.
How was that possibly the worst? I had a family, and they left me.
My wife got sick of my repeated indiscretions.
I don't know, man.
I mean, shemarried a rock star.
What did she expect? I always blamed the drugs.
They made me feel defiant fearless immortal.
You are immortal.
You made music.
You live forever.
I beg to differ.
So embarrassing, but I I wanted to be you so badly.
I was I was there.
The church yard live, 1965, at Wembley.
How old are you? I'm the same age as I was then.
I'm beginning to get this.
You've just been hanging around for years, lurking in the corner.
Yeah immortal.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Good to know.
So--so do you mind if I keep this one? No, I don't mind.
Take anything you'd like.
Just do me one good turn.
Anything, man.
Take the needle out before the police arrive.
I don't want them taking pictures of that.
My kids might see it.
I'm not meant to fuck around with anything, but for the man who invented the power stance, of course.
You mean, like this? Nice.
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.
It's been 75 years since my last confession.
How is that possible? It feels like 75 years.
What would you like to confess, my child? Petty larceny, and from a very unpleasant woman so how many Hail Marys and our fathers is that? - What did you take? - A necklace with a cross on it.
I needed it.
And this person you took the cross from did not? No.
Why not? She was dead.
That is when we need it the most.
Why don't we say ten Hail Marys and four our fathers, and we'll call it absolved.
Wouldn't you rather talk about why you felt the need to steal a cross from a dead woman? No, I think the act speaks for itself.
So how about my penance? What's your name? Daisy.
Daisy Adair.
Now, how about that penance? I can say the words, but it might be better if you tell me what's really on your mind.
I'm waiting for something.
I don't know.
The cross makes me feel closer to it.
Whether we're waiting for someone to say they love us, waiting for a check to clear, waiting for a man of the cloth to say we're forgiven, grace is passing by us every day, and we know not when the end of our days may be upon us.
I know all about that, father.
I just want my penance, please.
Bless you, my child.
Two Hail Marys and an act of contrition.
I have to go.
I was finding that the best way to avoid taking responsibility was to avoid the person who gave you the responsibility.
I'm so fucking smart, I scare myself.
Oh.
How did you do that? Do you have time to hear a message on my voice mail? Oh, that's just Murray.
He learned speed dial.
Such a good boy.
How is Murray? Don't even think about changing the subject.
He's okay.
Delores, this is Ned.
Where's my fucking temp, Delores? I'm sitting on a shit volcano here.
I'm on top of mount saint shit, Delores! Help me.
That is Ned Benjamin from Lunateca.
He's your client.
Your client is not happy.
I'm working on it.
I swear.
What is it, Crystal? Package for Millie.
It's moving.
- Why is it moving? - It's alive.
Oh Oh, god.
You have to make the decision, Millie.
Don't let the decision make you.
I don't even know what that means.
Pick someone.
Lose the rabbit.
Hi, Millie.
Hi, Michael.
Hi.
I was just hoping we could re-visit for a moment today's interview.
Oh, please, god, I can't take another blast.
Uh, you were great, Michael.
You're definitely still in the mix.
Cool.
I just wanted you to let you know I'm not going to sue Happy Time if you don't choose me.
Uh, I'm done blaming others for my problem.
Well, that's very mature of you to say.
- So are you going to choose me? - I don't know.
Maybe.
Well, if it helps, I think you should know that I started new medication today, and it's been incredibly effective.
Good for you.
Wow, did you hear the rabbit fart? When's dinner? Whenever you want.
You're having a babysitter tonight, okay? Till how late? Well, not late enough for you to watch Letterman, if that's what you're getting at.
I don't want to watch Letterman.
You can order pizza.
- Do you have a date? - No, I have an appointment.
- Do I look like I have a date? - No.
- Do I look bad? - No.
- Can I have pepperoni? - No.
I'm leaving, Millie.
I'm leaving without giving Ned Benjamin your decision.
I just have to sleep on it.
They needed someone today.
It will all be clearer in the morning.
Okay, Millie, you're in charge.
I'm leaving.
I've got my shows to watch.
I didn't want to be in charge.
I wanted to go home and stare at my TV.
Being in charge was the loneliest feeling ever.
All right, the second loneliest.
I'm not going home.
I'd just channel-surf all night anyway.
Can't make a decision about anything.
We have cable.
Everybody has cable.
We have pay stations, you know, with swearing.
Wow, swearing.
You're pretty tough, huh? My sister died.
How did she die? Skydiving.
My mom said we could order pizza, pepperoni.
Whatever you want.
Shit.
Can you wait here for a second? I live here, soyeah.
What the fuck, Micah? Tommy said now.
They're doing it now.
I am going to beat his ass, I swear to fucking god.
Hi.
I've got to go for about an hour.
You're cool, right? I'm cool.
Don't tell your mom.
This time of year, you could see Saturn's rings with the naked eye if you've had enough to drink.
Where's the music coming from? Ahthat's the brazilian club on 4th, and in the summertime, you can see chamber music on that rooftop.
Oh you play music? Piano.
When I was a kid.
You paint? I paint.
Are you a writer? No.
You seem like you could, like you have stories to tell.
Maybe.
You like the place, though, right? I do, but we're I'm in escrow, so, you know, it's not a good time to want anything.
Well, do you want a glass of wine? Hello? George? Is that you? You have very pretty features, very pretty and very sad.
I need to get home to my daughter.
She has a babysitter.
She's safe.
Why do you worry so much? Yeah, why worry, right? Two great girls house in a nice neighborhood the teacher you make all the right choices and things fall apart.
"I made me great works, I builded me houses, "I planted me vineyards, and behold, "all was vanity and vexation of spirit.
" Ecclesiastes.
Right.
That's the one part of the bible I remember.
It was about lists.
I find lists very comforting.
A time to live a time to die.
There it is.
There's that sadness.
I want this apartment.
I want this life.
Let me do one more, just one more.
Fine, one more.
Draw me happy.
George? I'm making everyone unhappy.
Everyone hates me, all of these people.
Pharmaceutical Ned, you should've heard him on the phone today.
He really hates me.
Why on earth is this so hard for you? Because they all want it, and they all can handle it, but who to choose? How to choose? You sound like Hamlet.
What do you mean, I sound like Hamlet? All that indecision.
I was Ophelia in Provincetown.
Seems appropriate.
Ophelia was the one who drowned, right? Yeah.
Six nights a week and twice on sunday.
That's Mason's knock.
Okay.
Allow me.
Hey.
Rube called.
Group reap tomorrow.
Dress code is business casual.
You couldn't have called? - Oh, I wanted to play a record.
- What's wrong with your stereo? Well, the crack head I sold it to has it.
What is that dreadful noise? It'sthe memory of something that doesn't quite match a memory.
- Are you drinking tonight? - Sober as a priest.
You know, Georgia, if you can't decide, give it up to god.
Let him decide.
I wouldn't let god decide, George.
Why? Look how he fucked us.
Oh, my god.
Reggie, Reggie! Oh, god.
What is it? What happened? Reggie, are you okay? I heard voices upstairs, like someone was in the house.
Someone was in the house? Everything's fine, ma'am.
No one was in the house.
I think the little girl just got scared being alone.
You told me, in an emergency, to call 911.
Where is-- where's Janelle? She took off hours ago.
I think she's a devil worshiper.
She's going to Stanford next year.
She couldn't get you on the cellphone.
What? Oh, it's turned off.
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
We will need to contact child protection services.
I--I will handle the babysitter myself.
Actually, they'll be interviewing you.
Every incident involving a minor requires it.
Oh, please, what are you-- look at me.
Do I look like somebody who would endanger a child? Have you had anything to drink this evening, ma'am? No Of course not.
Yeah.
Well, okay, so thank you, officers, so much for responding.
I really appreciate it.
Good night.
You have a good night, too.
Where were you? I went to look at that apartment.
It got late.
I'm sorry.
Linda wants you to call her in the morning.
Did she say if it was about escrow? She just said to call her.
All right.
Well, it's time for bed, sweetie.
Mom, I'm not tired.
Do you want to sleep in my room tonight? Uh-huh.
Where were the voices coming from? The roof.
Well, the big tree sounds like voices when it's windy.
Sometimes, I can't hear my own voice.
I wish I could be like death.
Death chooses without blinking an eye.
Death doesn't gather information.
Death doesn't ask questions.
It just chooses.
To jump or not to jump We have a winner.
Hello.
- You call that "business casual"? - Yeah.
- Maybe in the drug business.
- I'm not in the drug business.
What do you think of my outfit? It's very smart.
It's very Rosalind Russell.
That's a good thing.
Can I get a half-caff with foam, cream, and extra sugar to go? Let's get reaping.
What've we got, Rube? Well, people, this is a group job.
We've got one address, 13 souls.
I've got three a piecefor the ladies, I've got two for Mason, two for me.
I've got a pair of men's slacks in the car for you.
- I don't wear slacks.
- You will this morning.
You, you, you, you.
- I do not smoke.
- You will this morning.
It's our cover.
We're just going to stand outside the building and smoke.
I would love to see some inhaling, people, and I would love if you tried to make it look real.
Well, let's get cracking.
- Who wants a ride? - I want a ride.
Shotgun.
Rube, these slacks you've brought me are horrible, aren't they? No, no, no, they're not horrible, and I always ride shotgun.
How much will that cost? Ohokay.
Well, will they revisit it if we get the roof fixed? Okay.
Thanks, Linda.
What did she say? It's done.
We sold the house? We have to leave? We have to stay.
The deal fell through.
It's the roof.
There's some kind of crack up there a very expensive crack.
I told you I heard voices.
Who's going to give us the money to fix it, Reggie? Dad? Hardly.
Grandma Phyl could.
I'm not going to ask my mother.
I miss her.
You miss your grandmother? I miss her.
We shouldn't move.
We'll see.
If we moved she wouldn't know where to find us.
Separate groups-- let's not look like some kind of lineup.
Keep your cover.
Pardon me, handsome, do you have do you have a light? - I'll get you one.
- Thanks.
Timing Daisy had it in spades.
She didn't stop to wonder why one guy got it and not another.
It was his time.
That's all.
It is me, Anton Plotnick.
You're here to greet me.
I am? In my culture, a man does not easily express his feelings, but I am grateful to start new life.
Thank you.
Time for work.
Goodbye.
Are you okay, George? No.
Shit volcano, that's all it is.
I'm just on top of a shit volcano.
I think we have our shooter.
I'm just on top of a shit volcano.
Ned Benjamin? - What's it to you? - Nothing.
Don't touch my bag! Roxy nailed it-- rampage.
What can I say? What's wrong, George? I'm good.
That was horrible.
Now? That was Ned Benjamin.
I actually read Hamlet in high school.
The guy can't make a decision, and everybody dies.
I am Hamlet, and everybody dies.
Millie, I want to show you something.
Can I put my bag down first? I had a really rough morning.
Oh, I think you'll agree this is worth it.
What is it? Job placements, all over the city.
Just look at all those lovely little stickpins.
See the effect we have? We're like Johnny Appleseeds, planting, thriving It's really cool, Delores.
Thank you.
Do you know I have been calling over to Lunateca all morning, and there's no answer? It's rush, rush, rush when they need you, and then it's, "uh, Happy Time who?" Listen, Delores, as much as I'm flattered by the new responsibilities I don't think I'm up to the task of placing people.
Nonsense, you did fine.
You just need to jump in.
I don't feel qualified to choose.
This is Delores.
Oh, my lord.
To everything, there is a season, a time to stay, and a time to get the hell out Oh, those poor people.
And for now, it's still hockey season.
It seems to me you can either have someone tell you what to do with your life, or you can look somewhere else for answers.
It's like you have to figure out where your gut is and then go with it.
Sure beats standing around the punch bowl with the rest of the losers.
He shoots, he scores.
Hey.
I'm George.
I'm Andy.
Seems to me either you show up at the dance or you just stay home One-two-three, one-two-three