Doc Martin (2004) s02e06 Episode Script
The Family Way
- Dad.
- Martin.
Mum.
- How are you? - l'm fine.
- How was the flight? - Oh, bit bumpy out of Lisbon.
Oh, thethe car's this way.
Your letter didn't say.
Are you here on holiday or? - We need a reason? - Right.
No, l was just lt's been some years since we spoke.
Really? Has it been years? Seven.
Good of you to collect us.
Hope you didn't have to reschedule any important patient care.
Sore throats.
Lumbago.
(Chuckles) (Sheep bleat) Oh, God.
Bless you, Martin.
Car's given up the ghost.
You couldn't drop us off at my place, could you? - (Sighs) Get in.
- Hang on a minute.
Sorry about this.
- Maureen.
- (Yawns) Oh, Louisa.
l'm sorry.
Mum had to drag me out of bed this morning.
l could sleep for England.
lf this is you tired, l can't wait to see you when you've got some energy.
- l wondered if it could be my thyroid.
- Yeah? My mum's got it.
Everything slows down, you're tired all the time, can't lose weight.
She had it for years.
Maybe you should get it checked out.
- What? - l don't wanna go and see the doc.
He's so Yeah.
He's a total pain in the arse.
(Danny) Martin, you couldn't (Beeps) (Car starts) Sorry.
Thanks.
Just doing some DlY at Mum's, hence the sander.
(Danny coughs) (Coughs) l'm Danny.
Danny Steel.
Christopher Ellingham.
This is my wife Margaret.
Martin's mother.
Pleased to meet you, Chris.
Margaret.
So, you're a builder, hm? Architect, London based.
(Chuckles) Oh, London.
What are you doing here? l mean, not much of a challenge.
- You two been friends for long? - No.
Just met.
But we have a lot in common, don't we, Doc? Both come down from London.
Both searching for, and found, a more enriching way of life.
Yeah.
Well, thanks again.
Hope l haven't made you too late or anything.
Well, bless you, Chris.
Margaret.
(Coughing) Mate, you've saved my life.
You're coughing a lot.
You may have a chest infection.
l don't take antibiotics for a cold.
lt would have gone if it wasn't for the wood dust.
Um, Martin, your parents, are they always like that? Your mum? - You should use a mask.
- Why? Have they got something? When you're sanding the floor.
l know.
Joke.
- Goodbye.
- God bless you, Martin.
(Seagulls cry) This is old Jim Sims' place.
Huh! ls there room? lt's like a doll's house.
lt's got a spare room.
lt's quite small, but you can have my room.
Oh, one spare room.
Hm.
Well, we're here now.
ls everything all right, Mum? Mm-hm.
- Dinner at the Portwenn Hotel, hm? 6.
45.
- (Girls laughing) (Chatter) - What d'you reckon, girls? - (Christopher chuckles) Whoo! - (Seagulls cry) - My word.
Come in.
Maureen Tacey.
Works at the school.
She's a bit teartul.
Lived with her mum all her life, love her.
Probably prefer a female doctor.
- Here you go, Maureen.
OK? - Thanks, Paul.
Oh, come in.
Sit down.
(She sighs) - So? - l think it could be me thyroid.
- What makes you say that? - My mum's got a thyroid.
l've got the symptoms.
l get tired easily.
- You're overweight.
- l just can't shift it.
- Well, let's get you on the scales.
- l'd rather not.
Well, have you thought about your diet? l've tried Atkins, Gl, the Zone, South Beach and the cabbage.
l've been on more diets than anyone l know.
You're not committed to any of them.
Louisa thinks it could be me thyroid.
Oh, does she? - What are you doing? For goodness' sake.
- l'm just Well, waitwait a minute.
- l haven't finished my examination.
- Yes, you have.
(Door closes) (Clears throat) (Seagulls cry) (Man on TV) Here, Woods on the 16th.
- l'll get changed.
- Woods is in good form.
- ls Mum ready? - She'll join us later.
(Man on TV) Oh, this one looks like around, er20 feet.
Not an easy putt at that.
- ls she all right? - Why d'you ask? Well, she's hardly spoken a word to me.
l've cancelled the table at the hotel.
Thought we should go to the Crab.
What for? Page one, Martin.
First time in a new place, buy everyone a drink.
very cleanly, the line is good.
Good pace.
- (TVapplause) - Oh, shot.
(Mournful music) Right.
l haven't had time to do me exercises.
Sorry.
That's all right.
Let's start with some vowels.
Ah, eh, ee, oh, ooh Ah, eh, ee, oh, ooh Very good.
Now, tongue behind the top of the teeth.
And Ah, eh, ee, oh (Chuckles) Ooh - Sorry.
- Come on, you can do this.
(Maureen sings scales) - All right, Doc? What can l get you? - l'm not - Bitter? - Let me.
Christopher Ellingham.
What's your poison? - Youyou a doc, too? - No, l'm a surgeon.
l'm Mark, the doc's friend, and a professional colleague, Portwenn's police officer.
No, thanks.
l was just gonna get one for No, l insist.
That's very generous.
l'll have a pint of Extra Smooth, please.
l'll have a glass of water, please.
Doc.
(Sighs) - He seems nice.
This is nice.
- l'm not in the mood, Mark.
Doc, before your dad gets back, l've got some news.
- What? - You'll never guess.
- l don't have to.
- Try.
No.
(Chuckles) l'm getting engaged.
Well, l think so.
l hope so.
l haven't asked her yet.
l'm gonna ask her.
l've bought the ring.
- Julie Mitchell? - Yes, Julie.
She's great, isn't she? You know, l was trying to think of the word.
The right word for her.
She's a woman.
And l've made enquiries in that department, if you don't mind me saying so.
No problems, you'll be pleased to hear, with my equipment.
No complaints.
The opposite of complaints.
You've known her for how long? Mark.
Ooh, jumping into the fire, eh? Oh, well, l hope so.
- Oh, brave man.
- Excuse me.
- Pint? - l'd love one.
Hello, mate.
We're having a talent night.
l'm assuming nothing would horrify you more.
Yes.
Miss Tacey.
You left my surgery without giving me a chance to explain.
A good indication of poor thyroid function is cold hands.
You have very warm hands, which means we need to do further tests.
Oh.
ll owe you an apology.
Yes, you do.
Come to my surgery in the morning.
- Hello, Doctor.
- Miss Mitchell.
(Mark) Hey, Julie.
- We should go.
- Oh, really? Just got interesting.
Christopher Ellingham.
Delighted to meet you.
Julie Mitchell.
l don't think anyone's ever kissed my hand before.
Oh, careful now, Doc.
She's spoken for.
l'm sure she is.
Look, why don't you two join us in a - Mark doesn't want to - l thought the doc was gonna Oh, now, now, come on.
(Chuckles) l need to get to know my son's circle of friends.
Hm? Please.
- (Julie) Thank you.
- l'll get some menus.
- Still, it was entertaining.
- l'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
Possesses a wondertul naivety, your chum.
Yeah.
- Gonna have his work cut out, though.
- What do you mean? The only way he's gonna keep her is if he locks her up in a cell.
Mind you, you'd have to drug 'em to keep 'em.
Hm? Like two peas in a pod, you two.
(Chuckling) Dad.
Dad.
- What is the matter with Mum? - She's tired.
She's so tired she can't speak? That's right.
Got a decent malt? Er, yes, l have.
What are you doing in this place? What? lt's fine.
l like it.
- Still got the flat in Kensington? - Yes.
- (Chuckles) Huh! - What? Oh, nothing.
This whole Cornwall thing.
lt's obviously some sort of mid-life crisis.
No, it's not.
Then why d'you keep your place in London? l'm told house prices have rocketed in Cornwall.
Eryes, l understand they have.
What are you waiting for? You think prices are going to fall? You should buy something decent before it's too late.
Ah, you never did have any financial nous.
(Chuckles) Used to drop your pocket money on the way to the shop.
What's a little farmhouse worth nowadays, d'you think? A place like Joan's? Joan's? l don't know.
500,000.
600,000.
D'you plan on seeing her while you're here? Obviously l told her you were coming.
l think you should.
Take us over there tomorrow.
(TV commentator) and he's there.
A magnificent try for Gordon on his debut.
Doc? Maureen Tacey's here.
Said you said first thing.
Oh, right.
Good morning.
Tell her to wait, thank you.
Can l get you a cup of coffee, Mum? - Tea.
- OK, right.
Mummy ls there something wrong? ls there anything that l can do to help? No.
Right, then.
lf you'd like to come through, please? Sorry about yesterday.
- l'm overreacting left, right and centre.
- Take a seat.
- l said to Louisa only the other day l was - Tell me about your symptoms.
- You have a regular menstrual cycle? - lt's a bit erratic.
- When was your last period? - l hate that question.
l can never remember.
lt was a while ago, come to think of it.
- Any changes in body temperature? - l'm always too warm.
l have to have the window Hot flushes? ls that what you mean? The menopause? - Average age is 51 .
- l'm 50.
- Tell me about your family history.
- Dad died when l was 12.
He was swimming and he had a heart attack and died in the sea.
lt was terrible.
We thought he was playing, playing dead.
So, Mum and me, we've always looked after each other.
That's not what you meant, is it? Family history.
You meant the menopause.
- l don't think Mum got hers till she was 58.
- That's late.
l'll need to do some tests.
l need a urine sample.
Give that to Pauline on your way out.
And l'll take some blood.
l've been learning to sing.
l thought my life was just beginning.
Roll your sleeve up, please.
Ah.
Smaller than l remember.
- Joan.
- You think you can just turn up here? (Christopher) That's a relief.
(Joan) What? lf you'd softened up in your old age, l'd have been very disappointed.
l sent you some letters recently.
Well, several.
l know.
l didn't open them.
Didn't want to forgive you.
D'you remember? That's where Uncle Dick used to have his sheds.
Joan and l smashed a window playing football once.
The rollicking he gave us! You played the football, l got the rollicking.
- This farm.
- Mm? l was thinking.
Bit of a burden for you.
Yes, of course it is.
Much too much work.
But l love it.
You'd be better off with something more modern.
Something more like our villa in Portugal.
- Portugal? - No, not Portugal, l mean something smaller, all on one level.
Good idea at your age.
What are you talking about, Christopher? Well as you know - Uncle Dick left this place to both of us.
- Yes, of course l know, but Mm, never asked for compensation, for my half.
Compensation? Butbut you said Phil and l could have it.
Well, live in it, yes.
But l don't understand.
You said this farm was small change for a surgeon.
Well, our circumstances have changed and l needwe need our half.
But l don't have any money.
l mean, l don't know how much this place is worth but - Martin estimated round about 600K.
Hm? - (Joan) Martin? - Wait a minute.
- That's what you said.
- Yeah, but l didn't mean that - l couldn't raise half that.
We'dwe'd have to sell the house.
lt would be impossible.
You've got to be bloody joking.
Get out.
- Get out, you bastard! - l'm sorry you've taken it this way, Joan.
- Auntie Joan.
- You can get out, too.
- How dare you? - What? Hang on a minute.
l've been more of a mother to you than she ever has and now you collude Martin.
The car.
Please.
- What the hell do you think you? - Not now, son.
Your mother's upset.
We'll speak when we get back.
- Auntie Joan - Get out! - Auntie Joan - Get out, Martin! (Pauline) Doc.
Are you taking the piss? What? Maureen Tacey's.
(Pauline) Oh, hi there.
(Christopher) Ah.
(Pauline giggles) l know you're fond of Joan, but this doesn't concern you.
lt does concern me.
She's my aunt.
And l live here.
lt's between me and my sister.
What are you doing with Joan? Can't be about money.
You've got a private income.
lt is about the money.
l have a deal.
There's a bridging loan.
lt's complicated.
And l don't have to justify myself to you.
Look at you.
What are you doing here? Putting drops of piss onto pieces of paper.
Playing at doctors in Portwenn.
- lt's ridiculous.
- There's nothing ridiculous about it.
l am responsible for the health care of this community, a duty l take very seriously.
Oh, please.
lf l wanted to find Maureen Tacey right away, she'd be at the school, am l right? - Yes, Doc.
- Thank you.
l have to go out.
OK, if we have to cross between parked cars, what do we have to be careful of? Doc? She said yes.
- l'm a fiancé.
How cool is that? - Well, um - You should be more like your old dad.
- What do you mean? - He's a charmer.
A ladies' man.
- (Phone rings) - Bet he doesn't have a problem with - What? With the ladies, l suppose.
lt's her.
Hello? Yeah, no, no, no.
Any time's a good time.
Take all that to the sports cupboard.
Miss Glasson, l need to see a patient, Maureen Tacey.
- Hello, Martin.
- Yes, of course.
She's preparing for the talent night.
She's gone on a walk to calm her nerves.
You can catch her in the village hall tonight.
Right.
l won't tell her to expect you, in case she waits only to find that you don't show up.
l beg your pardon? Martin, last week we were supposed to meet, to talk.
l had a Something cropped up.
A patient.
Your friend, Tricia Soames.
And you were right, she was in a bad way.
Oh.
l see.
- Well, you still could have called.
- Yes.
(Piano scales) But l may have to push you back a bit, depending on time.
- Can l give you a yell later on? - Fine.
(Piano exercises) Roger.
l'm looking for Maureen Tacey.
- Why, is there a problem? - l can't tell you that.
- Buongiorno.
Come sta, ah? - Bene.
Yeah, but l saw your lips move, Bert, there.
Scusi, scusi.
Good luck, mate.
She's in the back getting ready.
- Martin, don't - What? - She's on in a minute, that's all.
- Right.
- (Maureen hums tune) - (Knocking) l'm not ready yet.
Just a quick word.
- Could you call in at the surgery tomorrow? - What is it? l've got your test results, and l need you to go into hospital.
Hospital? My God, what is it? Buongiorno, tutti! l am Gino.
You must be il dottore.
l've heard Get out.
l'll come back later.
You've got some sort of pertormance this evening.
We can discuss it in the morning.
You have to tell me now.
(Background chatter) (Sobbing) l can't believe it.
(Sobs) l'm 50 years old.
What is the matter with you? l told you, she's about to go on stage! D'you take pleasure in upsetting people when they're at their most vulnerable? Fenn! l'm pregnant! From the other indications, l'd say that you could be into your third term.
My third term? Pregnant? We're gonna have a baby.
l'm gonna be a dad! (He laughs) Mwah! Oh, this is bloody fantastic! Fenn.
Right, right.
Booked you a scan for tomorrow.
At your age and the size you are already, you can't be too careful.
All right, everyone.
l'm sorry for the delay.
We had a little technical hitch.
- (Screech of feedback) - But we're all sorted now.
(Coughing) lt's not that bad.
- We've not started yet.
- (Laughter) Right, making her debut here tonight, put a warm welcome together for the lovely, the talented the, trust me, astonishing, your very own Maureen Tacey! - (Man) Maureen! - (Applause) Maureen Tacey.
- (Coughing) - (Piano intro) l see that cough's no better.
- ls it OK if l call you Martin? - (Maureen) You give your hand to me Not really, no.
l've been meaning to say, um l know that you and Lou were at one point although l gather nothing ever actually - That is none of your business.
- The thing is l've got to be straight with you.
Louisa and l, you know there's a history there between us and we seem to have become very close again.
(Coughing) Obviously, not deliberately but l wonder, things not happening for me in London, whether it's a sign.
lt's a cliché, l know, but God sometimes Yes, he works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Like malaria.
l made a mess of things with Lou once.
Perhaps the Lord's letting me have a second (Coughing) chance.
Sounds more like the Lord might just want you back at the ranch.
You know the old joke.
What's the difference between God and a surgeon? God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
l'm busy.
No hard feelings then, mate? You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye l watch you walk away Beside that lucky guy You'll never ever know The one who loves you so 'Cause you don't know me (Applause) (Cheering) Super! More! (Woman) More! Super! Well done! Pauline! ls my charming brother in? Oh.
Christopher.
He's gone up to the golf course.
He is charming, isn't he? You.
You owe me an explanation.
l don't owe you anything.
You've had free accommodation for 40 years.
All l'm asking for is my share of the inheritance, minus 40 years' rent.
- What's unfair about that? - That is completely disingenuous.
You want everything your way.
Always have done.
Bugger everybody else.
Well, l'm sorry, not this time.
l want everything my way? What about you? You think you have the right to disrupt my life when it suits you.
To impose your system of morality on me.
To make your son unhappy just to punish me! Dear God, what are we gonna dig up next? A Roman bath? l thought it was inappropriate for my son to learn his morals from a woman like you.
l loved him.
Which ''him'' do you mean? Your husband? Your lover? Or my son? Whenever l've had anything, you've wanted to take it away.
You want to take my house.
Well, l tell you what, take the house.
Take it, if you want the money so much.
l'll manage.
l'm a survivor.
But you, you're just a thug! (Seagulls cry) Listen, Mum, l've just about had enough of thisthis silence.
l want you to tell me what exactly it is you want with all of Joan's money.
l know that Dad can be a bityou know, but l'm not like him.
- (Chuckles) - You can talk to me.
- What? - You're not like him? You can say that again.
- What? - He's reached the top of his profession.
He's charming.
Still a handsome man, even now.
We were happy before you arrived.
The pertect marriage.
He was always touching me under the table in a restaurant or in the car or lt was like electricity.
Then you came along.
l knew it was all over.
He could never see me as a woman again.
l was a mother.
A deflated balloon.
So l decided l would make things just as they were before, just him and me together.
Put you in boarding school, sent you to spend the summers here with Joan.
Somehow you were always there between us.
Always needy.
Always bullied, and teased and wetting your bed.
When l couldn't get his attention, there was always his money.
Then we lost everything.
Did he tell you that? Lost it on some bloody fictitious golf development in the Algarve! We only have the villa because he put it in my name for tax reasons.
That's when l realised that's what our marriage had become, a marriage of tax conveniences.
Oh, Mum.
l've met someone there, someone who looks at me and sees a woman.
He's moving in there with me.
That's why your father needs somewhere to live.
Forty years.
Forty years of clinging on to your father.
Forty years of my life wasted.
l'msorry.
Because of you.
Excuse me.
(Birdsong) OK.
Mrs Philippson, you can go through.
Doc.
Doc? Doc! Oh, Martin! l justl just wanna say something about the other day.
- Just that l'm sorry.
- Right.
And l heard that l believe that your parents are visiting - so you must have a lot on your plate.
- Yeah.
- There's nothing wrong with your parents? - No.
Because if you want someone to moan to - l mean, l know what parents are like - Louisa, shut up.
- Right, who's next? - Samantha.
She's got a mole.
- Right.
- Got a mole.
Big one.
Least l think it is.
- Come through.
l'll take a look at it.
- D'you have to? lf you want me to tell you if it's cancerous or not, yes.
- l don't think it is.
- Well, goodbye, then.
Whatever.
(Grinding whirr) (Whirring stops) Wow, that looks really good.
Yeah.
- So, Sugar Snap.
- You're a star.
- Where's it for? - Two minutes and l'll show you where.
(Grinding whirr) - (Crash) - Danny! What if you thought it was? Cancer? l'd cut it off and send it to a laboratory.
Why don't you do that anyway? Be on the safe side.
Because l don't pertorm unnecessary procedures.
lt's a pertectly harmless mole.
Miss Glasson's on the phone.
lt's urgent.
Shall l put her through? Erno.
l'll take it out there.
- Louisa.
- Martin l'm in the middle of surgery.
Can l call you back? l'm at Danny's mum's and he's collapsed and l've called an ambulance butwell, can you come? Yes.
l'll be right there.
l have to leave.
What about my mole? lf it changes significantly in shape or size or colour, come back and see me.
Until that time, goodbye.
You know what, Doc? You seriously need to chill.
- He's upstairs.
- Louisa, when you came to the house Quickly.
Come on.
(Wheezing) His pulse is weak.
Where's that ambulance? - Shall l try them again? - Yeah.
Can you tell them there are signs of cardiovascular collapse? - (Rasping) - Can you hear me? They should be here within ten minutes.
Bugger.
Right.
Can you get me a bottle of water or a container of fluid or something like that? Danny.
l think you may have a collapsed lung.
l'm gonna make a hole in your chest.
This is all l could find.
Martin, what are you doing? (Rasps) (Hissing and bubbling) That's better.
(Danny breathing deeply) l'll be off, then.
Aren't you coming? No, there's no need.
Keep me informed.
Shouldn't we just stay together? - You the wife, love? - Um, no.
No, ll'm There's a history.
What? According to Danny.
Martin, you shut up.
(Door shuts) l suppose you feel superior now.
You know, l was a bit hard on you.
lf you want to be here, practise here, your call.
That's very generous of you.
Pity you can't be so generous with your sister.
Don't be like that.
l was thinking.
Obviously l'm gonna have to start again.
So l thought maybe l could spend a bit of time in the UK.
l can even see myself setting up down here.
(Sighs) Your mother's going back to Portugal tomorrow.
She got what she wanted.
She saw me humiliate myself in front of my sister.
And you.
Where will you go? Well, temporarily, l Just till the money's sorted out, l thought No.
- Night, Doc.
- Mm-hm.
Doc! Doc.
Martin.
- You were wrong.
- What? - Maureen's not having a baby.
- That's impossible.
l did those tests myself.
She's not having a baby.
She's having twins.
Our babies.
Aren't they bloody beautiful? You can't really tell.
Well, l can tell.
- How far along is she? - Thirty weeks.
Can you believe it? They're keeping her in because of her age and the twins.
But everything's looking fine, so Well, congratulations.
- Thanks.
- Mm.
- Well, l'll just Yeah.
- l've, yeah, got to (Chuckles) Bloody amazing.
l tell you something.
You think you know what love is until you have a child.
lt's the best thing.
Ask any parent.
- Maybe l'll make a better job of it this time.
- Oh.
Bloody amazing.
Oh, um Oh.
Ah.
Ah, well, thank you.
l bumped into Louisa at the hospital.
What you did for Danny sounds amazing.
- lt was Hm.
- Well done, mate.
Thank you.
Ergoodnight, Roger.
Your mother and l are leaving.
Goodbye.
(Sighs) l'll wait for you in the taxi.
Regrettable.
Hasn't been a great trip.
- Oh, where will you go? - She'll fly back to Portugal in the morning.
l'll stay at my club in London.
Talk to the solicitor and be back down here in a few days.
- Sort out this business with Joan.
- No.
Here's what's going to happen.
l'll get your money.
l'll sell my flat.
You won't get it now but you'll have to wait.
You can go and stay in your ghastly club or wherever else they'll have you, but don't come back here.
You'd sell your place to settle Joan's debt? Don't tell Joan.
Just say you've changed your mind or something.
Why on earth wouldn't l tell Joan? You think you're living in a novel.
No, l just don't want her to feel grateful to me.
She doesn't have to.
She's my family.
Goodbye.
- Doc! - Doc! Doc! - Quick, quick, it's Sam! She's dying! - There's blood pouring out of her mole.
- Did she try and cut it off? - l told her not to.
- She wouldn't listen.
- l'll get my bag.
- Doc, is she gonna die? - Yep.
Not today, though.
English HOH
- Martin.
Mum.
- How are you? - l'm fine.
- How was the flight? - Oh, bit bumpy out of Lisbon.
Oh, thethe car's this way.
Your letter didn't say.
Are you here on holiday or? - We need a reason? - Right.
No, l was just lt's been some years since we spoke.
Really? Has it been years? Seven.
Good of you to collect us.
Hope you didn't have to reschedule any important patient care.
Sore throats.
Lumbago.
(Chuckles) (Sheep bleat) Oh, God.
Bless you, Martin.
Car's given up the ghost.
You couldn't drop us off at my place, could you? - (Sighs) Get in.
- Hang on a minute.
Sorry about this.
- Maureen.
- (Yawns) Oh, Louisa.
l'm sorry.
Mum had to drag me out of bed this morning.
l could sleep for England.
lf this is you tired, l can't wait to see you when you've got some energy.
- l wondered if it could be my thyroid.
- Yeah? My mum's got it.
Everything slows down, you're tired all the time, can't lose weight.
She had it for years.
Maybe you should get it checked out.
- What? - l don't wanna go and see the doc.
He's so Yeah.
He's a total pain in the arse.
(Danny) Martin, you couldn't (Beeps) (Car starts) Sorry.
Thanks.
Just doing some DlY at Mum's, hence the sander.
(Danny coughs) (Coughs) l'm Danny.
Danny Steel.
Christopher Ellingham.
This is my wife Margaret.
Martin's mother.
Pleased to meet you, Chris.
Margaret.
So, you're a builder, hm? Architect, London based.
(Chuckles) Oh, London.
What are you doing here? l mean, not much of a challenge.
- You two been friends for long? - No.
Just met.
But we have a lot in common, don't we, Doc? Both come down from London.
Both searching for, and found, a more enriching way of life.
Yeah.
Well, thanks again.
Hope l haven't made you too late or anything.
Well, bless you, Chris.
Margaret.
(Coughing) Mate, you've saved my life.
You're coughing a lot.
You may have a chest infection.
l don't take antibiotics for a cold.
lt would have gone if it wasn't for the wood dust.
Um, Martin, your parents, are they always like that? Your mum? - You should use a mask.
- Why? Have they got something? When you're sanding the floor.
l know.
Joke.
- Goodbye.
- God bless you, Martin.
(Seagulls cry) This is old Jim Sims' place.
Huh! ls there room? lt's like a doll's house.
lt's got a spare room.
lt's quite small, but you can have my room.
Oh, one spare room.
Hm.
Well, we're here now.
ls everything all right, Mum? Mm-hm.
- Dinner at the Portwenn Hotel, hm? 6.
45.
- (Girls laughing) (Chatter) - What d'you reckon, girls? - (Christopher chuckles) Whoo! - (Seagulls cry) - My word.
Come in.
Maureen Tacey.
Works at the school.
She's a bit teartul.
Lived with her mum all her life, love her.
Probably prefer a female doctor.
- Here you go, Maureen.
OK? - Thanks, Paul.
Oh, come in.
Sit down.
(She sighs) - So? - l think it could be me thyroid.
- What makes you say that? - My mum's got a thyroid.
l've got the symptoms.
l get tired easily.
- You're overweight.
- l just can't shift it.
- Well, let's get you on the scales.
- l'd rather not.
Well, have you thought about your diet? l've tried Atkins, Gl, the Zone, South Beach and the cabbage.
l've been on more diets than anyone l know.
You're not committed to any of them.
Louisa thinks it could be me thyroid.
Oh, does she? - What are you doing? For goodness' sake.
- l'm just Well, waitwait a minute.
- l haven't finished my examination.
- Yes, you have.
(Door closes) (Clears throat) (Seagulls cry) (Man on TV) Here, Woods on the 16th.
- l'll get changed.
- Woods is in good form.
- ls Mum ready? - She'll join us later.
(Man on TV) Oh, this one looks like around, er20 feet.
Not an easy putt at that.
- ls she all right? - Why d'you ask? Well, she's hardly spoken a word to me.
l've cancelled the table at the hotel.
Thought we should go to the Crab.
What for? Page one, Martin.
First time in a new place, buy everyone a drink.
very cleanly, the line is good.
Good pace.
- (TVapplause) - Oh, shot.
(Mournful music) Right.
l haven't had time to do me exercises.
Sorry.
That's all right.
Let's start with some vowels.
Ah, eh, ee, oh, ooh Ah, eh, ee, oh, ooh Very good.
Now, tongue behind the top of the teeth.
And Ah, eh, ee, oh (Chuckles) Ooh - Sorry.
- Come on, you can do this.
(Maureen sings scales) - All right, Doc? What can l get you? - l'm not - Bitter? - Let me.
Christopher Ellingham.
What's your poison? - Youyou a doc, too? - No, l'm a surgeon.
l'm Mark, the doc's friend, and a professional colleague, Portwenn's police officer.
No, thanks.
l was just gonna get one for No, l insist.
That's very generous.
l'll have a pint of Extra Smooth, please.
l'll have a glass of water, please.
Doc.
(Sighs) - He seems nice.
This is nice.
- l'm not in the mood, Mark.
Doc, before your dad gets back, l've got some news.
- What? - You'll never guess.
- l don't have to.
- Try.
No.
(Chuckles) l'm getting engaged.
Well, l think so.
l hope so.
l haven't asked her yet.
l'm gonna ask her.
l've bought the ring.
- Julie Mitchell? - Yes, Julie.
She's great, isn't she? You know, l was trying to think of the word.
The right word for her.
She's a woman.
And l've made enquiries in that department, if you don't mind me saying so.
No problems, you'll be pleased to hear, with my equipment.
No complaints.
The opposite of complaints.
You've known her for how long? Mark.
Ooh, jumping into the fire, eh? Oh, well, l hope so.
- Oh, brave man.
- Excuse me.
- Pint? - l'd love one.
Hello, mate.
We're having a talent night.
l'm assuming nothing would horrify you more.
Yes.
Miss Tacey.
You left my surgery without giving me a chance to explain.
A good indication of poor thyroid function is cold hands.
You have very warm hands, which means we need to do further tests.
Oh.
ll owe you an apology.
Yes, you do.
Come to my surgery in the morning.
- Hello, Doctor.
- Miss Mitchell.
(Mark) Hey, Julie.
- We should go.
- Oh, really? Just got interesting.
Christopher Ellingham.
Delighted to meet you.
Julie Mitchell.
l don't think anyone's ever kissed my hand before.
Oh, careful now, Doc.
She's spoken for.
l'm sure she is.
Look, why don't you two join us in a - Mark doesn't want to - l thought the doc was gonna Oh, now, now, come on.
(Chuckles) l need to get to know my son's circle of friends.
Hm? Please.
- (Julie) Thank you.
- l'll get some menus.
- Still, it was entertaining.
- l'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
Possesses a wondertul naivety, your chum.
Yeah.
- Gonna have his work cut out, though.
- What do you mean? The only way he's gonna keep her is if he locks her up in a cell.
Mind you, you'd have to drug 'em to keep 'em.
Hm? Like two peas in a pod, you two.
(Chuckling) Dad.
Dad.
- What is the matter with Mum? - She's tired.
She's so tired she can't speak? That's right.
Got a decent malt? Er, yes, l have.
What are you doing in this place? What? lt's fine.
l like it.
- Still got the flat in Kensington? - Yes.
- (Chuckles) Huh! - What? Oh, nothing.
This whole Cornwall thing.
lt's obviously some sort of mid-life crisis.
No, it's not.
Then why d'you keep your place in London? l'm told house prices have rocketed in Cornwall.
Eryes, l understand they have.
What are you waiting for? You think prices are going to fall? You should buy something decent before it's too late.
Ah, you never did have any financial nous.
(Chuckles) Used to drop your pocket money on the way to the shop.
What's a little farmhouse worth nowadays, d'you think? A place like Joan's? Joan's? l don't know.
500,000.
600,000.
D'you plan on seeing her while you're here? Obviously l told her you were coming.
l think you should.
Take us over there tomorrow.
(TV commentator) and he's there.
A magnificent try for Gordon on his debut.
Doc? Maureen Tacey's here.
Said you said first thing.
Oh, right.
Good morning.
Tell her to wait, thank you.
Can l get you a cup of coffee, Mum? - Tea.
- OK, right.
Mummy ls there something wrong? ls there anything that l can do to help? No.
Right, then.
lf you'd like to come through, please? Sorry about yesterday.
- l'm overreacting left, right and centre.
- Take a seat.
- l said to Louisa only the other day l was - Tell me about your symptoms.
- You have a regular menstrual cycle? - lt's a bit erratic.
- When was your last period? - l hate that question.
l can never remember.
lt was a while ago, come to think of it.
- Any changes in body temperature? - l'm always too warm.
l have to have the window Hot flushes? ls that what you mean? The menopause? - Average age is 51 .
- l'm 50.
- Tell me about your family history.
- Dad died when l was 12.
He was swimming and he had a heart attack and died in the sea.
lt was terrible.
We thought he was playing, playing dead.
So, Mum and me, we've always looked after each other.
That's not what you meant, is it? Family history.
You meant the menopause.
- l don't think Mum got hers till she was 58.
- That's late.
l'll need to do some tests.
l need a urine sample.
Give that to Pauline on your way out.
And l'll take some blood.
l've been learning to sing.
l thought my life was just beginning.
Roll your sleeve up, please.
Ah.
Smaller than l remember.
- Joan.
- You think you can just turn up here? (Christopher) That's a relief.
(Joan) What? lf you'd softened up in your old age, l'd have been very disappointed.
l sent you some letters recently.
Well, several.
l know.
l didn't open them.
Didn't want to forgive you.
D'you remember? That's where Uncle Dick used to have his sheds.
Joan and l smashed a window playing football once.
The rollicking he gave us! You played the football, l got the rollicking.
- This farm.
- Mm? l was thinking.
Bit of a burden for you.
Yes, of course it is.
Much too much work.
But l love it.
You'd be better off with something more modern.
Something more like our villa in Portugal.
- Portugal? - No, not Portugal, l mean something smaller, all on one level.
Good idea at your age.
What are you talking about, Christopher? Well as you know - Uncle Dick left this place to both of us.
- Yes, of course l know, but Mm, never asked for compensation, for my half.
Compensation? Butbut you said Phil and l could have it.
Well, live in it, yes.
But l don't understand.
You said this farm was small change for a surgeon.
Well, our circumstances have changed and l needwe need our half.
But l don't have any money.
l mean, l don't know how much this place is worth but - Martin estimated round about 600K.
Hm? - (Joan) Martin? - Wait a minute.
- That's what you said.
- Yeah, but l didn't mean that - l couldn't raise half that.
We'dwe'd have to sell the house.
lt would be impossible.
You've got to be bloody joking.
Get out.
- Get out, you bastard! - l'm sorry you've taken it this way, Joan.
- Auntie Joan.
- You can get out, too.
- How dare you? - What? Hang on a minute.
l've been more of a mother to you than she ever has and now you collude Martin.
The car.
Please.
- What the hell do you think you? - Not now, son.
Your mother's upset.
We'll speak when we get back.
- Auntie Joan - Get out! - Auntie Joan - Get out, Martin! (Pauline) Doc.
Are you taking the piss? What? Maureen Tacey's.
(Pauline) Oh, hi there.
(Christopher) Ah.
(Pauline giggles) l know you're fond of Joan, but this doesn't concern you.
lt does concern me.
She's my aunt.
And l live here.
lt's between me and my sister.
What are you doing with Joan? Can't be about money.
You've got a private income.
lt is about the money.
l have a deal.
There's a bridging loan.
lt's complicated.
And l don't have to justify myself to you.
Look at you.
What are you doing here? Putting drops of piss onto pieces of paper.
Playing at doctors in Portwenn.
- lt's ridiculous.
- There's nothing ridiculous about it.
l am responsible for the health care of this community, a duty l take very seriously.
Oh, please.
lf l wanted to find Maureen Tacey right away, she'd be at the school, am l right? - Yes, Doc.
- Thank you.
l have to go out.
OK, if we have to cross between parked cars, what do we have to be careful of? Doc? She said yes.
- l'm a fiancé.
How cool is that? - Well, um - You should be more like your old dad.
- What do you mean? - He's a charmer.
A ladies' man.
- (Phone rings) - Bet he doesn't have a problem with - What? With the ladies, l suppose.
lt's her.
Hello? Yeah, no, no, no.
Any time's a good time.
Take all that to the sports cupboard.
Miss Glasson, l need to see a patient, Maureen Tacey.
- Hello, Martin.
- Yes, of course.
She's preparing for the talent night.
She's gone on a walk to calm her nerves.
You can catch her in the village hall tonight.
Right.
l won't tell her to expect you, in case she waits only to find that you don't show up.
l beg your pardon? Martin, last week we were supposed to meet, to talk.
l had a Something cropped up.
A patient.
Your friend, Tricia Soames.
And you were right, she was in a bad way.
Oh.
l see.
- Well, you still could have called.
- Yes.
(Piano scales) But l may have to push you back a bit, depending on time.
- Can l give you a yell later on? - Fine.
(Piano exercises) Roger.
l'm looking for Maureen Tacey.
- Why, is there a problem? - l can't tell you that.
- Buongiorno.
Come sta, ah? - Bene.
Yeah, but l saw your lips move, Bert, there.
Scusi, scusi.
Good luck, mate.
She's in the back getting ready.
- Martin, don't - What? - She's on in a minute, that's all.
- Right.
- (Maureen hums tune) - (Knocking) l'm not ready yet.
Just a quick word.
- Could you call in at the surgery tomorrow? - What is it? l've got your test results, and l need you to go into hospital.
Hospital? My God, what is it? Buongiorno, tutti! l am Gino.
You must be il dottore.
l've heard Get out.
l'll come back later.
You've got some sort of pertormance this evening.
We can discuss it in the morning.
You have to tell me now.
(Background chatter) (Sobbing) l can't believe it.
(Sobs) l'm 50 years old.
What is the matter with you? l told you, she's about to go on stage! D'you take pleasure in upsetting people when they're at their most vulnerable? Fenn! l'm pregnant! From the other indications, l'd say that you could be into your third term.
My third term? Pregnant? We're gonna have a baby.
l'm gonna be a dad! (He laughs) Mwah! Oh, this is bloody fantastic! Fenn.
Right, right.
Booked you a scan for tomorrow.
At your age and the size you are already, you can't be too careful.
All right, everyone.
l'm sorry for the delay.
We had a little technical hitch.
- (Screech of feedback) - But we're all sorted now.
(Coughing) lt's not that bad.
- We've not started yet.
- (Laughter) Right, making her debut here tonight, put a warm welcome together for the lovely, the talented the, trust me, astonishing, your very own Maureen Tacey! - (Man) Maureen! - (Applause) Maureen Tacey.
- (Coughing) - (Piano intro) l see that cough's no better.
- ls it OK if l call you Martin? - (Maureen) You give your hand to me Not really, no.
l've been meaning to say, um l know that you and Lou were at one point although l gather nothing ever actually - That is none of your business.
- The thing is l've got to be straight with you.
Louisa and l, you know there's a history there between us and we seem to have become very close again.
(Coughing) Obviously, not deliberately but l wonder, things not happening for me in London, whether it's a sign.
lt's a cliché, l know, but God sometimes Yes, he works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Like malaria.
l made a mess of things with Lou once.
Perhaps the Lord's letting me have a second (Coughing) chance.
Sounds more like the Lord might just want you back at the ranch.
You know the old joke.
What's the difference between God and a surgeon? God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
l'm busy.
No hard feelings then, mate? You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye l watch you walk away Beside that lucky guy You'll never ever know The one who loves you so 'Cause you don't know me (Applause) (Cheering) Super! More! (Woman) More! Super! Well done! Pauline! ls my charming brother in? Oh.
Christopher.
He's gone up to the golf course.
He is charming, isn't he? You.
You owe me an explanation.
l don't owe you anything.
You've had free accommodation for 40 years.
All l'm asking for is my share of the inheritance, minus 40 years' rent.
- What's unfair about that? - That is completely disingenuous.
You want everything your way.
Always have done.
Bugger everybody else.
Well, l'm sorry, not this time.
l want everything my way? What about you? You think you have the right to disrupt my life when it suits you.
To impose your system of morality on me.
To make your son unhappy just to punish me! Dear God, what are we gonna dig up next? A Roman bath? l thought it was inappropriate for my son to learn his morals from a woman like you.
l loved him.
Which ''him'' do you mean? Your husband? Your lover? Or my son? Whenever l've had anything, you've wanted to take it away.
You want to take my house.
Well, l tell you what, take the house.
Take it, if you want the money so much.
l'll manage.
l'm a survivor.
But you, you're just a thug! (Seagulls cry) Listen, Mum, l've just about had enough of thisthis silence.
l want you to tell me what exactly it is you want with all of Joan's money.
l know that Dad can be a bityou know, but l'm not like him.
- (Chuckles) - You can talk to me.
- What? - You're not like him? You can say that again.
- What? - He's reached the top of his profession.
He's charming.
Still a handsome man, even now.
We were happy before you arrived.
The pertect marriage.
He was always touching me under the table in a restaurant or in the car or lt was like electricity.
Then you came along.
l knew it was all over.
He could never see me as a woman again.
l was a mother.
A deflated balloon.
So l decided l would make things just as they were before, just him and me together.
Put you in boarding school, sent you to spend the summers here with Joan.
Somehow you were always there between us.
Always needy.
Always bullied, and teased and wetting your bed.
When l couldn't get his attention, there was always his money.
Then we lost everything.
Did he tell you that? Lost it on some bloody fictitious golf development in the Algarve! We only have the villa because he put it in my name for tax reasons.
That's when l realised that's what our marriage had become, a marriage of tax conveniences.
Oh, Mum.
l've met someone there, someone who looks at me and sees a woman.
He's moving in there with me.
That's why your father needs somewhere to live.
Forty years.
Forty years of clinging on to your father.
Forty years of my life wasted.
l'msorry.
Because of you.
Excuse me.
(Birdsong) OK.
Mrs Philippson, you can go through.
Doc.
Doc? Doc! Oh, Martin! l justl just wanna say something about the other day.
- Just that l'm sorry.
- Right.
And l heard that l believe that your parents are visiting - so you must have a lot on your plate.
- Yeah.
- There's nothing wrong with your parents? - No.
Because if you want someone to moan to - l mean, l know what parents are like - Louisa, shut up.
- Right, who's next? - Samantha.
She's got a mole.
- Right.
- Got a mole.
Big one.
Least l think it is.
- Come through.
l'll take a look at it.
- D'you have to? lf you want me to tell you if it's cancerous or not, yes.
- l don't think it is.
- Well, goodbye, then.
Whatever.
(Grinding whirr) (Whirring stops) Wow, that looks really good.
Yeah.
- So, Sugar Snap.
- You're a star.
- Where's it for? - Two minutes and l'll show you where.
(Grinding whirr) - (Crash) - Danny! What if you thought it was? Cancer? l'd cut it off and send it to a laboratory.
Why don't you do that anyway? Be on the safe side.
Because l don't pertorm unnecessary procedures.
lt's a pertectly harmless mole.
Miss Glasson's on the phone.
lt's urgent.
Shall l put her through? Erno.
l'll take it out there.
- Louisa.
- Martin l'm in the middle of surgery.
Can l call you back? l'm at Danny's mum's and he's collapsed and l've called an ambulance butwell, can you come? Yes.
l'll be right there.
l have to leave.
What about my mole? lf it changes significantly in shape or size or colour, come back and see me.
Until that time, goodbye.
You know what, Doc? You seriously need to chill.
- He's upstairs.
- Louisa, when you came to the house Quickly.
Come on.
(Wheezing) His pulse is weak.
Where's that ambulance? - Shall l try them again? - Yeah.
Can you tell them there are signs of cardiovascular collapse? - (Rasping) - Can you hear me? They should be here within ten minutes.
Bugger.
Right.
Can you get me a bottle of water or a container of fluid or something like that? Danny.
l think you may have a collapsed lung.
l'm gonna make a hole in your chest.
This is all l could find.
Martin, what are you doing? (Rasps) (Hissing and bubbling) That's better.
(Danny breathing deeply) l'll be off, then.
Aren't you coming? No, there's no need.
Keep me informed.
Shouldn't we just stay together? - You the wife, love? - Um, no.
No, ll'm There's a history.
What? According to Danny.
Martin, you shut up.
(Door shuts) l suppose you feel superior now.
You know, l was a bit hard on you.
lf you want to be here, practise here, your call.
That's very generous of you.
Pity you can't be so generous with your sister.
Don't be like that.
l was thinking.
Obviously l'm gonna have to start again.
So l thought maybe l could spend a bit of time in the UK.
l can even see myself setting up down here.
(Sighs) Your mother's going back to Portugal tomorrow.
She got what she wanted.
She saw me humiliate myself in front of my sister.
And you.
Where will you go? Well, temporarily, l Just till the money's sorted out, l thought No.
- Night, Doc.
- Mm-hm.
Doc! Doc.
Martin.
- You were wrong.
- What? - Maureen's not having a baby.
- That's impossible.
l did those tests myself.
She's not having a baby.
She's having twins.
Our babies.
Aren't they bloody beautiful? You can't really tell.
Well, l can tell.
- How far along is she? - Thirty weeks.
Can you believe it? They're keeping her in because of her age and the twins.
But everything's looking fine, so Well, congratulations.
- Thanks.
- Mm.
- Well, l'll just Yeah.
- l've, yeah, got to (Chuckles) Bloody amazing.
l tell you something.
You think you know what love is until you have a child.
lt's the best thing.
Ask any parent.
- Maybe l'll make a better job of it this time.
- Oh.
Bloody amazing.
Oh, um Oh.
Ah.
Ah, well, thank you.
l bumped into Louisa at the hospital.
What you did for Danny sounds amazing.
- lt was Hm.
- Well done, mate.
Thank you.
Ergoodnight, Roger.
Your mother and l are leaving.
Goodbye.
(Sighs) l'll wait for you in the taxi.
Regrettable.
Hasn't been a great trip.
- Oh, where will you go? - She'll fly back to Portugal in the morning.
l'll stay at my club in London.
Talk to the solicitor and be back down here in a few days.
- Sort out this business with Joan.
- No.
Here's what's going to happen.
l'll get your money.
l'll sell my flat.
You won't get it now but you'll have to wait.
You can go and stay in your ghastly club or wherever else they'll have you, but don't come back here.
You'd sell your place to settle Joan's debt? Don't tell Joan.
Just say you've changed your mind or something.
Why on earth wouldn't l tell Joan? You think you're living in a novel.
No, l just don't want her to feel grateful to me.
She doesn't have to.
She's my family.
Goodbye.
- Doc! - Doc! Doc! - Quick, quick, it's Sam! She's dying! - There's blood pouring out of her mole.
- Did she try and cut it off? - l told her not to.
- She wouldn't listen.
- l'll get my bag.
- Doc, is she gonna die? - Yep.
Not today, though.
English HOH