Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e06 Episode Script
Doogie Sings the Blues
Hey, man, put that stuff back! Everything you touch you got to pay for.
They charge $20 for an aspirin.
Would you shut up? I checked it out.
They got a free clinic here.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'm Dr.
howser.
Are you a fully accredited physician? Yes, I am.
No wonder this place is free.
I'm going to, uh, need your full name.
Well, that's, uh, blind Otis lemon.
Lemon.
Mr.
lemon, i may not have many years of medical experience, but I'm going out on a limb here I don't think you're blind.
Well, see, seeing's got nothing to do with it.
It's just something they call me.
Put it down Blind Otis lemon, the apple of a woman's eye.
Tell me why you're here.
He got a real bad sore on his leg.
He sure does.
Too bad he's not here to tell you for himself.
Where do you live, Mr.
lemon? Well, there's uh, no fixed address.
I'm sort of in between domiciles He's homeless.
I'm not homeless.
I'm just houseless.
You're houseless, all right.
You're also apartmentless, condominiumless, and it looks like you're about to be shopping cartless.
I can always transport my stuff in your cardboard u-haul.
Lie down for me, sir.
Mr.
lemon? You got to talk on my good side.
Your leg's infected, but we'll clean it up.
How long have you had trouble hearing? The right one's long gone, but I hear pretty good out of this one.
You ever experience headaches or dizziness? Well, sometimes, but mostly I do fine.
Um As a precaution, I'd like to admit you for some tests, maybe have a specialist look at your ear, and fix your leg.
You mean stay overnight? Look, uh, i don't know.
See, Joe here is useless without me.
Useless? I'm on vacation without him.
Ray.
This gentlemen's joining us this evening.
I'll get him admitted.
"Blind Otis lemon"? Are you theblind Otis lemon? Yeah, that's right.
This is incredible, man.
I'm your biggest fan! Yeah? Yeah! You know this guy? Are you kidding? This is blind Otis lemon, one of the greatest blues players ever! I was with the high rollers.
Now he's with the low rollers.
The man practically invented rock 'n' roll.
Practically? I did.
All the way from a to z, rock 'n' roll belongs to me.
All right! So I tell him, "Mitch, a zit can't get that big "without exploding.
Pop that sucker before you put somebody's eye out.
" Exploding zits are relatively rare, but it could happen.
Lucky I caught it in time.
Hi, mom.
Hi, Mrs.
h.
Hi, guys.
Have you ever heard of a blues singer named blind Otis lemon? Well, sure.
When I was in college, I used to sing one of his songs, I got the down and dirty cornbread blues.
No offense, Mrs.
h, but that's like Julie Andrews singing James brown.
Papa's got a brand-new bag ow Anyway, today i admitted a guy who claimed to be Otis lemon.
Ray says he influenced everyone The Beatles, Elvis, the rolling stones Raymond kept going on and on.
No kidding? The guy's a living legend or something? Yeah.
According to Raymond, he's the original hoochie-coochie man.
I think Otis lemon supposedly died God, what? So he's a dead living legend.
Lots of homeless people claim to be other people.
Last week it was Abraham Lincoln.
You're kidding? He tried to emancipate Raymond three times.
I think it would be nice to know Otis is still alive.
Don't feed me no more cornbread I got meat on my mind Give it a rest, big mama.
Thanks.
Jimi Hendrix played that.
Hendrix stole that from you? Nah.
Hendrix stole that from leadbelly.
Leadbelly stole that from me.
So why do they call you blind Otis? Something to do with the way you play? Nah.
Truth is it's on account of my driving.
After a gig in Memphis, I ran smack into this tree Splot! And that's when our bass man, toothless Leroy Lewis, started calling me blind Otis.
That's when i started calling him toothless Lewis.
Oh, man.
You should've never stopped playing.
You were the best.
It's the same old story.
I thought I had to drink a lot of booze to play them blues.
I guess it made me an alcoholic, only back then they called you a drunk.
I started missing gigs, disappearing for weeks at a time.
Soon, most people thought I died, including an ex-girlfriend who was tracking me down to put a hurt on me, so it wasn't all bad.
Do you still, um I don't drink no more.
I'm into clean living now.
Never stop playing.
Blues is happening.
Hey, I know a guy with a club downtown.
The audience would say, "blind Otis who?" No way! As soon as you're out, I'll take you there.
It would be good to play again.
Mmm.
Blind Otis lemon, back making sweet lemonade.
I'll confirm your suspicion, Dr.
howser.
in the right ear.
The cause? The scarring suggests chronic infection, probably since childhood.
Exactly.
Inoperable and unassistable.
What about the left? Well There's, uh Acoustic neuroma.
Very good, doctor.
The tumor's quite large.
This could become life-threatening.
Unfortunately, the removal of such a tumor usually results in a total loss of hearing.
You have another alternative? So when do we do it? We, Dr.
howser? How did I know that when you innocently asked for my opinion a "we" would somehow evolve? Because you're the best there is.
If anyone will save his hearing, it's you.
I read about your work You're out of your league.
I've been seduced by the best.
Besides, I'm booked solid.
No, it's ok.
No need to explain.
I'll find someone else I hope.
It's just that, well, this guy's homeless.
We'll just have to release him, and we'll probably never see him again.
But, hey, you can't save everybody.
All right.
All right.
Have him prepped and ready at 7:30 A.
M.
tomorrow.
Sharp.
You mean i ain't going to hear nothing? Uh, that's very likely, but Dr.
stoessl's the best around.
It's been nice knowing you, little doc.
Otis, this tumor's large.
With this operation, you may prolong your life.
I'm 71, broke, and on the streets.
Maybe I don't want no prolonging.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe you're someone who's given up.
I got two things that keep me going Listening to music fussing with Joe.
You'd take that from me? It's not the end of the world.
You just don't get it.
Me and Joe look out for each other.
We take turns sleeping.
If I can't hear somebody sneaking up, what good am I? I might as well give up.
Look, I'm just a 17-year-old white boy who lives in brentwood.
I don't know the streets.
All I know is, you've got a close friend and I've got an operation that may save your life.
You don't give up, that's for sure.
Otis, don't quit.
Well I guess a deaf Otis lemon is better than a Dead Otis lemon.
I've got surgery scheduled for the morning.
Well, ray, I can't play if I can't hear.
We'll do it tonight.
Do what tonight? Otis is playing tonight downtown.
Sort of a comeback.
Come with us.
We'll bring the girls.
Otis has surgery tomorrow morning.
So one aspirin, one drink of alcohol, one bite of food, and the surgery is history.
Dr.
howser, report to pediatrics.
I got to go.
Sorry, Otis.
But, doog No buts, Vinnie.
How can you do this? This could be his last chance.
I don't know Otis really is Otis.
What if he is? Even so, he's a 71-year-old man who's having surgery in the morning.
He needs rest.
I say he's grounded.
Will the neurosurgeon on call please report to E.
R.
? That was so easy, it's a crime.
Ahem! We could have snuck the pointer sisters out.
Vinnie! Ahem! Vinnie! Ahem! Oh, dad! Vinnie.
Vinnie! He's dead.
He just got back from Florida.
Hurry up! I'm tired of being dead.
Don't worry about it.
We're almost there.
Just act stiff.
Shh.
Go.
Ohh.
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's good.
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Mr.
lemon.
You got any cotton swabs? I mean, you know, a sponge bath ain't completely satisfying without cotton swabs.
Mmm.
Hello, Mr.
lemon.
Oh, I thought you were gone.
Now I'm back and you have something to tell me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
Nurse, would you excuse us? Certainly, doctor.
Oh, nurse, nurse, nurse, when you come back, could you bring me some water, please? I like it tepid.
Where is Otis? You're asking me to betray a sacred trust between best friends.
Which you will do if you want that sponge bath.
He went to Jimmy's downtown.
Hey, baby, how you doing? - Hey.
- Hey, what's up? Smells like a juke joint.
Stale beer, old cigarettes, sweaty women.
Man, that's good.
Hey, there's Jimmy.
Otis! Busted.
Otis, we're going back to the hospital.
Let him play, doogie.
What are you doing? You could lose your job.
I'll take that chance.
It's worth it to us.
Doog, he was with us the whole time.
He didn't take aspirin, had no food or drink.
Good.
Now let's get him to the hospital.
Look, little doc.
I'm an old man.
I squandered the best part of my life on drink.
If I can never hear again, I can never play again.
I need this chance to find that part of me I used to be proud of.
One song.
No way I am going to put this old man on stage.
Jimmy, this old man really is blind Otis lemon.
Everybody knows Otis lemon died in '68.
Look, if I died in '68, how could I be standing here talking to you now? I saw Otis play in mobile in the summer of '58.
You don't even look like him.
Summer of '58? That would have to be Wilma's.
Yeah, that's the place.
Only played there one night.
I know.
Right after our last set, I was eating some ribs, and all of a sudden Wilma stuck me with a barbecue fork 'cause I was flirting with that barmaid Ruby instead of her.
Ain't that some nerve? I don't know.
Any fool could stick himself with a barbecue fork.
Maybe he isn't blind Otis, but what if he is? You would blow a lifetime opportunity.
Come on, Jimmy.
Have a little faith.
You got five minutes.
That's it.
Good luck, Otis.
Good luck, buddy.
It's not a matter of luck.
It's a matter of divine intervention.
This better not be a joke.
Anybody got a bottleneck? Sure.
Thanks, man.
They call it stormy Monday but Tuesday is just as bad they call it stormy Monday My god, it is blind Otis lemon.
Arthur! Raise the price of the drinks! Wednesday is worse, baby and o-o-oh, Thursday is oh, oh, so sad got my mojo working got, got, got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working but it just don't work on you got a gypsy woman giving me advice got a gypsy woman giving me advice got a whole lot of tricks keeping here on ice got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working but it just don't work on you no, no, no whoo Can you hear me? Oh, come on, listen hard, o Come on, Otis.
Listen hard.
Come on, man, hear me.
You couldn't hear with that bandage, either.
Oh, come on, Otis, come on, say something.
Talk.
Joe, will you shut up? Oh, lord, thank you.
O.
K.
, all right.
Next, you're going to want to pucker up.
We'll observe you, then release you.
Can't I get out by Friday? We didn't know you had a pressing engagement.
It's not a pressing engagement, it's a gig.
Jimmy begged me to play his club.
Ooh, you got a job? Three nights a week.
And good money, too! All right, we're with the high rollers now.
Me and you all the way.
Remember our slogan? New shoes or no shoes new blues or no blues penthouse or no house side by side by side Thank you.
They charge $20 for an aspirin.
Would you shut up? I checked it out.
They got a free clinic here.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'm Dr.
howser.
Are you a fully accredited physician? Yes, I am.
No wonder this place is free.
I'm going to, uh, need your full name.
Well, that's, uh, blind Otis lemon.
Lemon.
Mr.
lemon, i may not have many years of medical experience, but I'm going out on a limb here I don't think you're blind.
Well, see, seeing's got nothing to do with it.
It's just something they call me.
Put it down Blind Otis lemon, the apple of a woman's eye.
Tell me why you're here.
He got a real bad sore on his leg.
He sure does.
Too bad he's not here to tell you for himself.
Where do you live, Mr.
lemon? Well, there's uh, no fixed address.
I'm sort of in between domiciles He's homeless.
I'm not homeless.
I'm just houseless.
You're houseless, all right.
You're also apartmentless, condominiumless, and it looks like you're about to be shopping cartless.
I can always transport my stuff in your cardboard u-haul.
Lie down for me, sir.
Mr.
lemon? You got to talk on my good side.
Your leg's infected, but we'll clean it up.
How long have you had trouble hearing? The right one's long gone, but I hear pretty good out of this one.
You ever experience headaches or dizziness? Well, sometimes, but mostly I do fine.
Um As a precaution, I'd like to admit you for some tests, maybe have a specialist look at your ear, and fix your leg.
You mean stay overnight? Look, uh, i don't know.
See, Joe here is useless without me.
Useless? I'm on vacation without him.
Ray.
This gentlemen's joining us this evening.
I'll get him admitted.
"Blind Otis lemon"? Are you theblind Otis lemon? Yeah, that's right.
This is incredible, man.
I'm your biggest fan! Yeah? Yeah! You know this guy? Are you kidding? This is blind Otis lemon, one of the greatest blues players ever! I was with the high rollers.
Now he's with the low rollers.
The man practically invented rock 'n' roll.
Practically? I did.
All the way from a to z, rock 'n' roll belongs to me.
All right! So I tell him, "Mitch, a zit can't get that big "without exploding.
Pop that sucker before you put somebody's eye out.
" Exploding zits are relatively rare, but it could happen.
Lucky I caught it in time.
Hi, mom.
Hi, Mrs.
h.
Hi, guys.
Have you ever heard of a blues singer named blind Otis lemon? Well, sure.
When I was in college, I used to sing one of his songs, I got the down and dirty cornbread blues.
No offense, Mrs.
h, but that's like Julie Andrews singing James brown.
Papa's got a brand-new bag ow Anyway, today i admitted a guy who claimed to be Otis lemon.
Ray says he influenced everyone The Beatles, Elvis, the rolling stones Raymond kept going on and on.
No kidding? The guy's a living legend or something? Yeah.
According to Raymond, he's the original hoochie-coochie man.
I think Otis lemon supposedly died God, what? So he's a dead living legend.
Lots of homeless people claim to be other people.
Last week it was Abraham Lincoln.
You're kidding? He tried to emancipate Raymond three times.
I think it would be nice to know Otis is still alive.
Don't feed me no more cornbread I got meat on my mind Give it a rest, big mama.
Thanks.
Jimi Hendrix played that.
Hendrix stole that from you? Nah.
Hendrix stole that from leadbelly.
Leadbelly stole that from me.
So why do they call you blind Otis? Something to do with the way you play? Nah.
Truth is it's on account of my driving.
After a gig in Memphis, I ran smack into this tree Splot! And that's when our bass man, toothless Leroy Lewis, started calling me blind Otis.
That's when i started calling him toothless Lewis.
Oh, man.
You should've never stopped playing.
You were the best.
It's the same old story.
I thought I had to drink a lot of booze to play them blues.
I guess it made me an alcoholic, only back then they called you a drunk.
I started missing gigs, disappearing for weeks at a time.
Soon, most people thought I died, including an ex-girlfriend who was tracking me down to put a hurt on me, so it wasn't all bad.
Do you still, um I don't drink no more.
I'm into clean living now.
Never stop playing.
Blues is happening.
Hey, I know a guy with a club downtown.
The audience would say, "blind Otis who?" No way! As soon as you're out, I'll take you there.
It would be good to play again.
Mmm.
Blind Otis lemon, back making sweet lemonade.
I'll confirm your suspicion, Dr.
howser.
in the right ear.
The cause? The scarring suggests chronic infection, probably since childhood.
Exactly.
Inoperable and unassistable.
What about the left? Well There's, uh Acoustic neuroma.
Very good, doctor.
The tumor's quite large.
This could become life-threatening.
Unfortunately, the removal of such a tumor usually results in a total loss of hearing.
You have another alternative? So when do we do it? We, Dr.
howser? How did I know that when you innocently asked for my opinion a "we" would somehow evolve? Because you're the best there is.
If anyone will save his hearing, it's you.
I read about your work You're out of your league.
I've been seduced by the best.
Besides, I'm booked solid.
No, it's ok.
No need to explain.
I'll find someone else I hope.
It's just that, well, this guy's homeless.
We'll just have to release him, and we'll probably never see him again.
But, hey, you can't save everybody.
All right.
All right.
Have him prepped and ready at 7:30 A.
M.
tomorrow.
Sharp.
You mean i ain't going to hear nothing? Uh, that's very likely, but Dr.
stoessl's the best around.
It's been nice knowing you, little doc.
Otis, this tumor's large.
With this operation, you may prolong your life.
I'm 71, broke, and on the streets.
Maybe I don't want no prolonging.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe you're someone who's given up.
I got two things that keep me going Listening to music fussing with Joe.
You'd take that from me? It's not the end of the world.
You just don't get it.
Me and Joe look out for each other.
We take turns sleeping.
If I can't hear somebody sneaking up, what good am I? I might as well give up.
Look, I'm just a 17-year-old white boy who lives in brentwood.
I don't know the streets.
All I know is, you've got a close friend and I've got an operation that may save your life.
You don't give up, that's for sure.
Otis, don't quit.
Well I guess a deaf Otis lemon is better than a Dead Otis lemon.
I've got surgery scheduled for the morning.
Well, ray, I can't play if I can't hear.
We'll do it tonight.
Do what tonight? Otis is playing tonight downtown.
Sort of a comeback.
Come with us.
We'll bring the girls.
Otis has surgery tomorrow morning.
So one aspirin, one drink of alcohol, one bite of food, and the surgery is history.
Dr.
howser, report to pediatrics.
I got to go.
Sorry, Otis.
But, doog No buts, Vinnie.
How can you do this? This could be his last chance.
I don't know Otis really is Otis.
What if he is? Even so, he's a 71-year-old man who's having surgery in the morning.
He needs rest.
I say he's grounded.
Will the neurosurgeon on call please report to E.
R.
? That was so easy, it's a crime.
Ahem! We could have snuck the pointer sisters out.
Vinnie! Ahem! Vinnie! Ahem! Oh, dad! Vinnie.
Vinnie! He's dead.
He just got back from Florida.
Hurry up! I'm tired of being dead.
Don't worry about it.
We're almost there.
Just act stiff.
Shh.
Go.
Ohh.
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's good.
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Mr.
lemon.
You got any cotton swabs? I mean, you know, a sponge bath ain't completely satisfying without cotton swabs.
Mmm.
Hello, Mr.
lemon.
Oh, I thought you were gone.
Now I'm back and you have something to tell me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
Nurse, would you excuse us? Certainly, doctor.
Oh, nurse, nurse, nurse, when you come back, could you bring me some water, please? I like it tepid.
Where is Otis? You're asking me to betray a sacred trust between best friends.
Which you will do if you want that sponge bath.
He went to Jimmy's downtown.
Hey, baby, how you doing? - Hey.
- Hey, what's up? Smells like a juke joint.
Stale beer, old cigarettes, sweaty women.
Man, that's good.
Hey, there's Jimmy.
Otis! Busted.
Otis, we're going back to the hospital.
Let him play, doogie.
What are you doing? You could lose your job.
I'll take that chance.
It's worth it to us.
Doog, he was with us the whole time.
He didn't take aspirin, had no food or drink.
Good.
Now let's get him to the hospital.
Look, little doc.
I'm an old man.
I squandered the best part of my life on drink.
If I can never hear again, I can never play again.
I need this chance to find that part of me I used to be proud of.
One song.
No way I am going to put this old man on stage.
Jimmy, this old man really is blind Otis lemon.
Everybody knows Otis lemon died in '68.
Look, if I died in '68, how could I be standing here talking to you now? I saw Otis play in mobile in the summer of '58.
You don't even look like him.
Summer of '58? That would have to be Wilma's.
Yeah, that's the place.
Only played there one night.
I know.
Right after our last set, I was eating some ribs, and all of a sudden Wilma stuck me with a barbecue fork 'cause I was flirting with that barmaid Ruby instead of her.
Ain't that some nerve? I don't know.
Any fool could stick himself with a barbecue fork.
Maybe he isn't blind Otis, but what if he is? You would blow a lifetime opportunity.
Come on, Jimmy.
Have a little faith.
You got five minutes.
That's it.
Good luck, Otis.
Good luck, buddy.
It's not a matter of luck.
It's a matter of divine intervention.
This better not be a joke.
Anybody got a bottleneck? Sure.
Thanks, man.
They call it stormy Monday but Tuesday is just as bad they call it stormy Monday My god, it is blind Otis lemon.
Arthur! Raise the price of the drinks! Wednesday is worse, baby and o-o-oh, Thursday is oh, oh, so sad got my mojo working got, got, got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working but it just don't work on you got a gypsy woman giving me advice got a gypsy woman giving me advice got a whole lot of tricks keeping here on ice got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working got my mojo working but it just don't work on you no, no, no whoo Can you hear me? Oh, come on, listen hard, o Come on, Otis.
Listen hard.
Come on, man, hear me.
You couldn't hear with that bandage, either.
Oh, come on, Otis, come on, say something.
Talk.
Joe, will you shut up? Oh, lord, thank you.
O.
K.
, all right.
Next, you're going to want to pucker up.
We'll observe you, then release you.
Can't I get out by Friday? We didn't know you had a pressing engagement.
It's not a pressing engagement, it's a gig.
Jimmy begged me to play his club.
Ooh, you got a job? Three nights a week.
And good money, too! All right, we're with the high rollers now.
Me and you all the way.
Remember our slogan? New shoes or no shoes new blues or no blues penthouse or no house side by side by side Thank you.