Ducktales (1987) s02e06 Episode Script

- Life is like a hurricane - Here in Duckburg - Racecars, lasers, airplanes - it's a duck-blur - Might solve a mystery - Or rewrite history - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Every day they're out there making - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales - D-d-d-danger - Watch behind you - There's a stranger out to find you - What to do? Just grab onto some - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Every day they're out there making - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales - Ooh-woo-ooh Not pony tails or cotton tails, no - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Burger, get over here and help us fudge these blueprints.
How do you expect me to fudge without any fudge? What's more important, your stomach or Ma's birthday? I don't see what fudging blueprints has got to do with Ma's birthday anyway.
[Big Time groans.]
With these changes we'll be able to give Ma that present she's always wanted.
Yeah, a nest egg for her retirement.
[Rooster crows.]
[Yawning.]
A day without a look at me money bin is like a day without sunshine.
I love the way the bin stands like an unmovable fortress, the way the dollar sign glints with the morning dew, the way the bulldozers plow up the land Bulldozers?! What do you think you're doing on my property? I'm building a new superhighway, sir.
What superhighway? The one going right through here.
I'll be pillow stuffing before that happens.
Sorry, Mr.
McDuck, but the plans were approved months ago.
Then tunnel under my land! No.
Build a colossal bridge.
Well, sorry.
Move Duckburg.
Look, you can't fight city hall, Mr.
McDuck.
What are you doing in the worry room, Uncle Scrooge? You look like you lost a penny in a gumball machine.
Worse, I have to move me bonny bin.
Heavy.
Aye, the pits.
No, he meant the money bin is heavy.
Yeah, how you gonna move it with all that money inside? I never thought of that, Dewey.
Three cubic acres of money is a lot of liquid assets.
Liquid assets? Is there a leak in the roof? No, it's a technical term.
It means cash.
And emptying the bin is going to be like emptying the Pacific Ocean.
I'll need an accountant to keep track of it all.
[Man.]
Oh, I hate working in this bean factory.
Being a bean counter has got to be the most boring job in the world! Don't you hate it, Carter? Well, I do.
I want a job where success means more than a full jar of beans.
I want a job that will get me a date with [sighs.]
Gandra Dee.
There's no future in beans.
I want status, recognition, a boss who remembers my name.
[Gandra.]
Oh, Fenton.
Boss wanted me to tell you what a good job you did yesterday.
You broke the all-time bean-counting record.
Really? Why didn't he tell me himself? He wanted to but he couldn't remember your name.
Help wanted.
Scrooge McDuck needs accountant.
Count money but don't count on getting any.
Accountant, eh? To the richest duck in the world? Blabbering blatherskite! This might be my big chance to move up in the world, to impress Gandra Dee! [whooping.]
Mrs.
Featherby, you may bring in the first applicant.
Yes, hello.
My name is Cut the red ink! Cut those assets! Profit margin.
Look no further, Mr.
McDuck! I'm the accountant you can count on, and that's the bottom line.
Who is this nut? Fenton Crackshell's the name.
Near grad of Banana Bran Flakes Buck for Ducks Business Brochure Course.
Near grad? Two more box tops, I get my diploma.
Hey, let me go! This is my big break! You're putting me in the red, lady.
Sorry for that interruption.
Now then, what would you do if I gave you one million dollars to invest? I'd invest in stocks, bonds and stable commodities.
Trick question.
I'd never give anyone a million dollars.
Next.
Mr.
McDuck, you just gotta give me the job.
Nobody balances a checkbook like I do.
Watch! Well, what do you think? What do you say, Mr.
McDuck? You given it any thought? Shoo! [Coughing.]
OK.
I give up.
Tell me your qualifications.
Where did you go to school? School? Schools are for fish.
Me? I'm a fish out of water but I'll work for scales.
In fact, I'm strictly upscale.
And speaking of up, that's where I'm headed and that's no elevator talk.
- In other words, no qualifications.
- Bingo.
Next.
Aah! No.
No.
I won't go.
You've got to hire me.
Give me a shot.
You've got it.
- Uh, shotgun pellets - You counted them? I sort of have a knack for that.
- Oh yeah? Count this.
- A dollar 78.
Amazing.
To the penny.
You're hired.
Yahoo! I'm on my way.
I'm somebody.
By the way, what was your name again? [Siren in distance.]
[Woman.]
Doctor's only given him six months to live.
Mama, I've got exciting news! Can't it wait 'til Ducks of Our Lives is over? But, Mama, we gotta celebrate.
Don't get any crumbs on the floor.
I just swept last year.
But I got a new job.
Oh, blabbering blatherskite.
What's wrong with a good job like bean counting? [Fenton.]
It doesn't count.
I want to be something more important.
I want more out of life.
More! More! More! More? We have everything you could want right here in this trailer.
It may be enough for you but it isn't enough for me.
Haven't you ever wanted something really badly, Mama? Yeah, I've wanted you to take out the trash all day.
Now let me get back to my soap opera.
Psst! Uh, here he comes.
What is it? A blowout? No, I'd say it's fate.
Welcome, friend, to BB Realty.
Looking for some choice property? As a matter of fact, I am, but I have an appointment with your competitor and I am never late for an appointment.
I got the best bargains in town.
And I am never late for a bargain either.
Show me your stuff.
I say there is something I like about rocky top places and rock bottom prices.
At BB Reality we aim to shoot I mean, please.
[Scrooge.]
Will my bin be safe? Oh, it will be.
Here's a report from the Air Force.
They wanted to use it for a missile target I mean, base.
What's good enough for Uncle Sam is good enough for Uncle Scrooge.
And it's good enough for me, too.
[Scrooge yawning.]
It pains me to move my bin.
It belongs there.
Who knows what sight I'll wake up to from now on? Morning, Mr.
McDuck! Want me to tally your sheets or do you change your own bed? You're not supposed to tally bed sheets.
Sure? I could have swore that's what was in my Bucks for Ducks business brochure.
I am sure.
And what are you doing here so early? I haven't even had me silver dollar pancakes yet.
Silver dollar pancakes? Are those deductible? - They're barely edible.
- Never mind.
We have a busy day ahead.
There are assets to assess, goods to stock, bonds to untie, cash to carry.
Together we can turn the financial world upside down.
Do you mind if we start with my clothes? Me last dip in the interest before we unload it all.
You figured out where you're gonna stash all this cash? [Scrooge.]
I'm headed home to think that out right now.
Stop the ticker tape, Mr.
McDuck, there are a million places to store money.
Stocks and bonds, piggy banks, mattresses my mom's favorite: Mayonnaise jars buried in the back yard.
I like to keep my assets liquid.
How else could I swim through the money? Hmm.
Liquid, eh? This is my chance to show Scrooge how ingenious I can be! The lottery game of life! Your lucky number just came up, Mr.
McDuck! What are you blabbering about? I made your money liquid.
Just like you wanted.
You did? How? You dumped my money in a lake? Of all the idiotic bag-piped-brain ideas! You said you wanted your money more liquid.
And it can't get more liquid than at the bottom of Lake Doughbegone.
If even one penny is missing, I'll put you at the bottom of the lake, wearing a cement kilt.
Thirty-five? Oops, thirty-six! Whew! It's all here.
We've got to keep our eyes on it.
No one must know it's here! We'll need camping gear and radios, Duckworth.
Very good, sir.
Going camping, Duckworth? Perish the thought.
This is for your Uncle Scrooge.
What? He's going camping without us? Correct, Master Louie.
And he left strict instructions for you boys to stay here with Mrs.
Beakley while he's at Lake Doughbegone.
Toodles.
- Left strict orders, huh? - Yeah! And you know what we do when we get strict orders.
Unstrict 'em! No sign of anyone.
Blathering blatherskites! I see someone! Three someones, as a matter of fact.
The Beagle Boys! They won't get by me, sir.
I'll take care of 'em.
- Hey! - Let us go! I bagged those Beagle Boys you were worried about, Mr.
McDuck.
They're no Beagle Boys, they're my nephews! How come you went camping with this loony instead of us, Uncle Scrooge? No.
This is supposed to a look like a camping trip.
But it's really top-secret business.
In that case, can we pretend we're on a camping trip? Well? I suppose that would be OK.
Yay! All clear! Isn't this fun, boys? No! You won't let us fish.
You won't let us swim.
What can we do? I've got an idea! Why don't you build some Junior Woodchuck booby-traps all around the lake? Something weird is going on here! What do you say we pretend we didn't hear him and have fun, anyway? [Radio.]
Launchpad to Mr.
McD.
Launchpad to Mr.
McD.
The money bin and I are on a roll! [Scrooge.]
Make sure you don't roll into anything.
- [Clattering.]
- What's all that racket? [Launchpad.]
Nothing to be concerned about.
Just a little fender-bender.
[People screaming.]
Why are people screaming? Ah, the sissies never saw a shopping mall collapse before.
But don't worry, i'm OK.
How far are you from the mountain I bought? I'd say about an hour, give or take a crash or two.
Kiss that billboard goodbye.
Launchpad, over and out.
I've got to check on my money bin before Launchpad turns it into a has-been.
Stay here and watch the lake! I, uh, don't suppose you'd believe it was a hit-and-run? At least it's here in one piece! Psst! Big Time, I don't get it.
How is blowing-up the money bin gonna make Ma happy? We're not blowing it up.
We're blowing it down! Down into Ma's backyard.
[Burger.]
Oh.
OK, boys.
It's showtime! Let me! Let me! [Explosion.]
Blow me bagpipes! You blow 'em.
I'm getting out of here! [Gasps.]
Me money bin! Happy birthday, Ma! [Gasps.]
Oh! It's the best present anybody's ever clipped for me! You boys are so wonderful! [Ma.]
You goofs! What am I supposed to do with an empty money bin? Live in it? Like the Old Lady in the Shoe? Ma, I don't understand.
Something must have gone wrong.
Yeah? Well, you three wrongs go out and make it right! Get the cash! Beagle Boys, huh? I'll have that money bin back in five minutes! Wait here for my signal.
Hey! What are you doing here? Tax assessor.
The property tax on this building comes to $50,000.
This area isn't zoned for money bins.
That will be a $ 75,000 fine! Is this thing earthquake safe? Uh, I don't know.
[Clicks tongue.]
$100,000 fine! Insulated? Parking for the handicapped? Another $200,000! Pay up or I take this thing right now! [Ma.]
How much? OK, Launchpad.
It's all yours! Drive it to the other mountain i just bought.
I'll meet you there as soon as i get my money out of Lake Doughbegone.
Roger Wilco! Whoever he is.
What? - Yippee! - Yahoo! Splish-splash, we found us some cash! Boys! What are you doing? Look at what we found, Uncle Scrooge! Well, throw it back! Some treasure was meant to be buried! [Fenton.]
Ooh-hoo-hoo! Mr.
McDuck! I should have watched where I was going instead of counting the leaves on the trees.
Blathering blatherskite! I told you there was something fishy about Scrooge going fishing! Yeah! He led us right to the cash, just like you said.
But how's we gonna get it out of the lake? Simple.
Come on! Hey, Uncle Scrooge! What's that? [Scrooge.]
The Beagle Boys! They're after my money! They're trying to set the dam on fire! Don't worry, Uncle Scrooge! We'll stop 'em! Hold your charge cards! This is no job for pipsqueaks! Let a big shot tackle this! Oops! [Chuckles.]
That was gonna be plan number two.
Well, don't think the Beagle Boys will give up! If they get my money, I'm holding you responsible! Time for the next plan.
This one can't miss! Halt! Who goes there? Wait! Where you going? What's wrong? I'm the pest inspector, and that dam is infested with termites.
It could burst any minute! Blathering blatherskites! Is there anything I can do? The only way to get at them is to use termite-eating wood weevils.
Where would I find those? I just happen to have some on me.
Put them on the dam, and my prob uh, your problems are over.
[Buzzing.]
What's that chewing sound? Just getting rid of your termites.
That's all.
Good thinking, Fenton! Initiative, I like that! Every now and again you come up with a plan-dandy idea! Where did these bugs come from? This jar.
There's a note.
"We'll start spending your money in the morning.
Thanks for using our super-termites.
The Beagle Boys"? What a plan-dumb idea, Crackshell! [Stammers.]
Temporary setback! Why don't you go rest in a tax shelter or something, while I fix this! What's the next plan? This one can't fail.
We do nothing.
Uh Nothing? I've been watching this character with Scroogey.
The way he keeps messing up, ought to play right into our hands! [Bugs buzzing.]
- Our problems are over! - [Blowing bird call.]
How is that whistle going to solve our problems? Can't you read between the ledger-lines, Mr.
McDuck? This will attract every woodpecker within 100 miles! There's nothing they like more than eating termites! They'll tear apart the dam to do it! [Sobs.]
[Huey.]
Run! It's gonna break! No! It can't! My career will go down the river! Forget your career! What about my money? Come on, Uncle Scrooge! It's too late! [Narrator.]
On the next DuckTales: Now I know why they call retirement "the golden years!" [Gyro.]
It's a self-propelled security system of incredible strength and fire-power! - I call it - GizmoDuck! Yeah? Well, duck this! [Explosion.]
[Explosion.]