Frasier (2023) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Ooh, Alan! Alan, over here.
We've got you a drink.
Not just now, thanks.
- What's wrong?
- Are you okay?
Yeah. I just had
the strangest encounter.
I was down in Quincy after
our school conference today
when this wild-haired man about my age
stopped me out of the blue
and said, "Alan Cornwall?"
Well, of course, I'm thrown.
How does a complete stranger
in a town I rarely visit
happen to know my full name?
So, I ask him,
"Do we know each other?"
and he says, "Yes.
You're in psychology."
Well, now, of course,
I'm sure he knows me.
What other explanation could there be?
I'm sure none that you could see.
ALAN: Well, he asked
if I recognized him.
I'm at a loss,
so I venture the greatest
of guesses and I said,
"Are you my childhood friend
Roger Peale's
younger brother Eric?"
He said, "Yes.
- Ah.
- That's me."
I could hardly believe it.
- And yet, somehow, you did believe it.
- Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) So we reminisced for a bit.
Uh, I teased him for completely
losing his English accent.
He didn't need money,
by any chance, did he?
He did.
His limo was late, he needed cab fare,
so just I gave him all the cash I had,
and he gave me the biggest hug, and I
Where did I put my wallet?
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- Ooh.
Oh. My credit card company.
Hello?
So, any plans for the long weekend?
Indeed. I've taken a house on the Cape
for the family and Eve,
and Roz is in town
visiting with her daughter,
they're gonna join us as well.
- That'll be fun.
- Yes, it will.
But not so much fun
that you'll feel left out
because you're not invited.
EVE: Whoa. Malcolm? I-I can't
date him. He's too short.
Wha His profile says he's five, ten.
Oh, honey, five, ten
is code for five, six.
Wait, you can lie on a dating app?
Firefighter, blue eyes, six foot, one.
I mean, what do I even lie about?
Uh
"Billionaire."
So, looks like Eve's dating again.
Yes, she is, she is, and I-I think
- it's a very good thing.
- OLIVIA: Mm.
You know, she and Freddy
look really cute together.
Yes, they certainly do.
I think they could be
perfect for each other.
If only they saw it themselves.
Well, why don't you
mention it to Freddy?
(LAUGHS): Oh, that's
that's not how it works
with parents and children.
Especially this parent and that child.
If I just mention it to him,
he'll go off the idea forever.
Well, it's too bad.
Eve isn't gonna be single forever.
No, she's not. No, she is not.
Oh, well. Who are we to meddle
in the affairs of love, hmm?
Yes, who are we? (CHUCKLES)
Who are we?
My wallet's been stolen.
I hope Eric's all right.
We were standing outside the very store
- where the thieves used my card.
- Alan.
There-There's something we need
to get off your chest here.
I am terribly sorry.
Oh, dear.
So he probably isn't going to
repair my watch for me, is he?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
- Hi.
- Ah! Good to see you, Roz.
(CHUCKLES)
Here, let me take your stuff.
It's so beautiful.
- Where's Alice?
- Oh, she's on her way.
Her class ran late.
Can't wait to see her again.
Can I get you a drink?
No, I want to stay sober on Cape Cod
like some kind of idiot.
- (LAUGHS)
- (DOOR CLOSES)
Come on, the good stuff's
out on the porch.
We'll be able to see
the fireworks from out here.
- Wow. This is nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- (MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
- Really nice.
- What are you up to?
- Well
- You know Eve, yes?
- Yeah.
I happen to think that she and Freddy
are meant for each other,
but they just don't see it.
And I can't mention it to Freddy.
God, no.
- Kids hate our opinion.
- (CHUCKLES)
Last night, I told Alice I liked her hat
and she ripped it right off
in the restaurant.
- Good thing I didn't like her shirt.
- (LAUGHS)
Freddy's the same way. Here, come on.
Come and have a seat with me.
So, in order for my plan to work,
I have got to make sure
that it is subtle.
This is subtle?
Flowers, candles, lights,
and what is that?
That
is the loin-stirring arpeggios
of one Felix Mendelssohn,
aka
the ultimate "get it on" music.
You know, you could have gotten
less weird with age.
- That was an option.
- Not for me, it wasn't.
(BOTH LAUGH)
So, tonight
champagne, a lovely dinner,
a walk on the beach,
then we come back here
and I light the fire.
We leave the two of them out here alone,
then, literal fireworks.
Then
metaphorical fireworks.
Aw, you just seem so excited.
I'm gonna wait for it to blow up
before I tell you how stupid it is.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh, oh, there they are.
All right, come on.
- Hello, all! Come on, come on in.
- Hey. Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah, Eve, let me take that bag.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Thank you. (GASPS)
ROZ (LAUGHS): Oh, wow.
David, you did not pack light.
Well, no one else offered
to bring any board games, so
What do we got, uh,
- Legislature?
- Yes.
It's like C-SPAN in a box.
David, why don't you
set your game up for us
on that table right there?
Well, uh, might take me a while
to set this up by myself.
Perfect. Freddy? Eve?
Why don't you head out
onto the porch and have a drink?
We'll join you in a little bit.
Roz, dinner will be ready
as soon as Alice gets here,
and I could use your help
setting the table.
You enjoy. We'll see you
in a bit. (CHUCKLES)
Guess what the catch of the day
is gonna be, huh?
(GASPS) Romance?
No, soft-shell crab.
- Oh.
- But, uh,
I like where your head's at.
- (MENDELSSOHN PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
- Wow. This is so nice.
It's really nice.
Champagne. Flowers.
The view.
Oh, God.
Is that Felix Mendelssohn?
No idea. Why is that bad?
Besides the obvious reason
that it sucks.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Felix Mendelssohn is my dad's
"get in the mood" music.
What? Really? How do you know that?
Yeah, one time he came back from a date,
- his bedroom door was open
- Okay, I take it back,
- Yeah, it's
- I take it back, I take it back.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, this is why
he's been so giddy
about this trip.
- Why?
- It's so obvious.
The flowers, the champagne, the beach,
shooing us out here.
It can only mean one thing.
My dad is gonna make a move
on Roz this weekend.
Ew. That's disgusting.
- They're cousins.
- Exactly. Wait, what?
Uh, no, they're not.
Are you sure?
Am I sure my dad and Roz
are not related?
Yeah, pretty sure.
Okay. For now, we'll say that's true.
But isn't he worried that it's gonna
- mess up their friendship?
- I mean, he should be.
But he he's always going on
about how happy he is
that Roz is out here more.
Oh, this is such a bad idea.
But why would he invite
all of us if that was his plan?
I don't know. Cover?
I mean, it's kind of obvious
if he invites just her.
Oh, come on, are you sure
- that's what he's really trying to do?
- Well, I, uh
Oh, my God, you're right!
My dad is such an idiot.
I am such a genius.
Look, they're already
falling under my spell.
I can only imagine what tender
words they're exchanging right now.
- Stupid.
- Stupid.
So stupid. You have to talk with him.
(CHUCKLING): No.
No way. You know my dad.
If I give him advice, he just
- does the exact opposite.
- Yeah.
Like the month after you told him
to stop wearing bicycle shorts.
Nothing but bicycle shorts.
No, tonight, we just
need to make sure that he and Roz
aren't alone together too much.
Plus, we should
- kill the mood out here.
- Okay.
- So you're saying, to save your dad,
- (MUSIC STOPS)
we have to drink
this incredibly expensive
bottle of champagne?
Uh, no, that's not what I was saying
I'm in!
Okay.
Well, here's to nobody
getting laid tonight.
Aw.
Saddest toast ever.
And so it begins.
"Cupid is no longer an archer."
We shall claim his glory.
We shall sing as they
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh, thank God, the doorbell.
That must be little Alice.
All right. (CHUCKLES)
- Alice!
- Hi.
Well, you're not so little anymore.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Let me get that for you.
Let me take your things.
Thanks. Ugh. I'm so sorry I'm late.
I got into an argument
with my architecture professor.
He's not very supportive,
which is ironic
because he's an expert on columns.
It's so good to see you again,
Dr. Crane.
And you. And you. Uh, you-you
- you remember my nephew David.
- Oh, yeah. Hi, David.
It's been a while.
I-I'm David.
Um, so, uh, you study architecture
uh, wow, that's a coincidence.
I live in a building.
Hey, is that Legislature?
Have you tried the expansion pack,
- Parliamentary Inquiry?
- Parliamentary Inquiry?
I'm in love with this game.
Uh,
is Freddy here yet?
I haven't seen him in years.
Oh, no, forget Freddy. He's boring.
Uh, I tell you, uh,
why don't the two of you play
your game? Uh, this is
lovely, and-and, Alice,
let me get you a beer.
- Oh.
- You sit there. You sit right there.
That is your daughter?
Last time I saw her she looked 12.
She was 12. It was 15 years ago.
This could ruin all my plans
for Eve and Freddy.
I mean, she's exactly his type.
Well, all you know about her
is that she's a pretty girl.
Which is exactly his type.
Let's just think.
I guess I'll just have to keep
Alice away from Freddy.
What, really?
What makes you think my daughter
would just throw herself at any man
because he happens to be available?
I have teeth marks
in my tongue right now.
What would be so wrong
with Freddy and Alice?
They'd be cute together.
Well, Eve and Freddy
are meant for each other.
She is his forever type.
And my daughter is not forever material?
No, of course she is, just not for him.
For who, then?
That's it.
Everyone here is old enough
to make their own decisions.
Alice, come with me.
Freddy's on the porch.
I'll wait here for you.
Forever.
Alice, this is Eve.
- Hi.
- I told you about Eve.
And you remember Freddy.
- Hey.
- It's been a while since
you guys have seen each other.
Yeah. Wow. Uh,
since we were kids. (CHUCKLES)
Do you still, uh like sharks?
(LAUGHS) N Actually, yeah.
FRASIER: Uh, Alice, here,
it's kind of cold out here.
Why don't you put your coat on? Here.
Oh, I'm okay actually. Thank you.
No, no, no. I said you're cold,
all right, please.
Here, just go ahead and put that on.
Maybe you should zip it up.
Zip, zip, zip.
Don't listen to him.
Roz, will you help me in the kitchen,
please?
Uh, you know what? Dad, I'll,
uh, I'll help you in the kitchen.
No, no, no. You stay out here with Eve.
You've had a very long week.
Alice, maybe you could help?
Oh, but I just got here. (LAUGHS)
- I'll come help.
- Well, okay, Freddy, you come on then.
That's it. You've rested enough.
No, no, you stay out here.
You've had a long week.
Oh, my God, you have so many
amazing firefighting stories.
You're like a hero.
(CHUCKLES): Well, I don't know
if I'd use the word "like."
(LAUGHS)
Why do you think Alice will care
how long you can hold your breath?
Thirty-nine seconds.
Just in case she asks.
David, don't you want to finish
your game with Alice?
I do. You see a spark, too?
Yeah, sure, whatever, just go get her.
Roz.
- Yes?
- Roz, just a minute.
There's something
I wanted to tell you. Uh
Listen, I'm so sorry. I
For treating Alice the way I did,
like she was some sort of an object.
That's-that's really low of me.
I'm sorry. She's a wonderful
young woman. Raised by
- an equally wonderful woman
- Oh, Jesus,
what do you want?
All right.
Listen, listen.
I truly believe
that Freddy and Eve
are meant for each other,
but-but tonight has been a total bust.
Do you have any idea how lonely it is
trying to manipulate people by myself?
Please, won't you help me?
Okay, why don't I go talk to Eve
and try to suss out
how she feels about this?
And if she's not open to it,
you have to drop it, okay?
- Yes, yes. Thank you.
- Okay.
- Thank you. Thank you. (KISSES)
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- (CHUCKLES)
Whatever. We just
can't let them find out
we're trying to do.
Now look what he's trying to do.
We turn our backs for one second
and he makes a move on her.
I You know what? That's it.
I got to go talk with him.
- I'm gonna go talk with her.
- Right, right.
Roz.
Freddy.
How are you?
- Good.
- It's really nice here, isn't it?
Oh, it's so nice.
But a part of me feels so guilty,
you know, leaving the baby
at home with a sitter
- You don't have to pretend with me.
- Thank you.
(SIGHS) This is awesome.
(CHUCKLES)
- (MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
- It's nice to be out with everyone, huh?
- Great to see Alice again.
- Yes, yes.
Alice is terrific, you know. (CHUCKLES)
But, you know
Why is she free on a long weekend?
Doesn't she have any friends?
What's wrong with her?
It's so funny being here with you kids.
Just just reminds me
of a friend I had a long time ago.
You know, forever, I figured we were
just buddies, but now, I wonder
if there could have been something more.
Yeah, well, there's this guy
at the station,
and he just ruined things
with one of his oldest friends.
He made a move on her,
and now it's all weird.
It's such a shame.
Well, here's the thing about love:
there's always a risk.
But what is the risk if you don't act?
How sad it would be
if we let go what might be
the greatest love of our life
just because of fear?
True love
is always worth the risk.
Oh, I'm glad to hear
you're dating again.
Thanks. Well, not exactly.
I did go on a few dates with a guy.
I just felt so awful
about it after, and
I couldn't even see him again.
Oh, Eve.
It still hurts,
like I'm doing something wrong.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You just need to give yourself
some more time.
Oh.
You're right. Thank you. (CHUCKLES)
I just have to be careful.
Anyone I hook up with now,
I might never, ever
want to see them again.
You understand what
I'm trying to say about
love and taking chances?
I do.
If you got a shot at love,
don't let anything get in your way.
Exactly.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
Freddy.
Roz.
Okay, this is crazy, but
what my dad just said about Roz
it was beautiful.
I think Roz also wishes
something happened between them.
Okay, well,
I guess we got to help him
make it happen.
Lord knows he's not gonna
land this plane on his own.
You're sure they're not cousins, right?
They're not cousins.
We should have never tried to stop this.
We have to try to stop this.
Eve is not ready
for anything serious yet.
If something happens
between her and Freddy,
it could destroy their whole friendship.
I've been pushing them too hard.
And I just talked Freddy
into going after Eve.
Calm down. Could you have
swayed him that quickly?
A pox on my silver tongue!
We'll shut things down out here.
Whatever happens,
we can't let those two
get together tonight.
So help me, we're gonna make sure
those two get together tonight.
I saw some more champagne
in the kitchen.
Let's get it out for them.
(SIGHS) How about a break?
I'm not a big drinker,
but man, could I use one.
I get that a lot.
We'll take a ten-minute recess.
Oh, uh, where are the drinks?
ROZ: In the kitchen.
H-Have you seen Freddy and Eve?
Right there.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
All we need now is
Here we all are. (CHUCKLES)
Here we all are.
(YAWNS) Oh, you know, Dad,
Eve and I are pretty tired.
- I think we're just gonna hit the hay.
- Yeah.
Yeah, Freddy and I are
gonna go straight to bed.
- (CHUCKLES) Enjoy the fireworks.
- Uh
We can't let them go to bed together.
I have to think of something
to distract Freddy.
- Hey, Mom?
- Alice!
Wait, you said you'd stop doing that.
What are you wearing
this bulky coat for?
Here, you look like a Cossack. Come on.
Well, you know, it's
a little cold out here, so
Well, then get back inside, silly.
H-Hey, Freddy,
you and Alice haven't
had a chance to catch up.
Alice doesn't have
to catch up with anybody.
Oh, uh, but I want to.
Dr. Crane, Freddy and I
have to go to bed now.
But, uh, well, what about the fireworks?
They haven't even started yet.
Aw, we'll see plenty of fireworks
- from the bedroom.
- Yeah.
But we all want to play
Legislature, don't we?
- Now, come on, you.
- You do?
Of course we do. Everybody, come on.
Gather round.
Let's all sit down, come on.
(CHUCKLES)
Here we are.
My dad's getting cold feet.
- We can't let him chicken out.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. Not there.
There we are.
Okay.
First, our committee assignments.
Obviously, we all want Appropriation,
and so I'll roll for that.
Committee meetings will
take place on the porch
and the first two members
are Freddy and Eve.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Uh, a motion to-to reassign
a committee member.
Uh, uh, replacing Eve with Alice.
Smart. Very strategic move.
Alice, go ahead.
Uh, motion to reassign
Freddy with David.
First time playing?
Huge unforced error.
But okay.
Roz, you said you would help me.
You said you would stop treating
my daughter like an object.
And I will.
Tomorrow.
I want to get my dad and Roz out
here before the fireworks start.
Right? This porch is so romantic.
- Any couple would fall in love out here.
- Yeah.
Uh, Eve? You've been reassigned.
Okay.
So, here we are. (CHUCKLES)
Freddy? You've been reassigned.
So
Here we are.
Wait, wait, they're finally
having a nice moment together.
Go to hell.
I'll see you there.
So, am I correct that
I've been sensing a little
romantic tension tonight?
Oh, my God, is it that obvious?
I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, hush now, you.
You have nothing
to be embarrassed about.
Do you think Freddy knows I like him?
- I need a drink.
- (SIGHS)
Oh, my God, I can't believe
my dad blew it with Roz again.
Wait, Freddy's dad is trying
to make a move on my mom?
Ugh, gross.
But not because they're cousins, right?
- Hey, Dad, can we talk?
- Oh, Mom, can we talk?
- Alice, can we talk?
- DAVID: Freddy,
the time for talk is over.
What's that?
I challenge you to a duel
for Alice's love.
Choose your weapon.
Okay, first of all,
those are fishing rods,
and second of all, David,
I don't see Alice that way.
Okay? I've known her since I was ten.
Freddy, what the hell's happening?
Yeah, look, sorry, Dad,
I just (GRUNTS)
I know I shouldn't be butting in
I mean, I'd be furious
if you ever meddled
in my personal life
but
I know I know what's going on.
- You do?
- I do.
You've got the jitters about telling Roz
how you really feel about her.
- How I feel?
- That's right.
- About Roz.
- Yep.
The jitters.
You've now just said
all the words I said
but in a different order.
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but your mom told me that she'd wished
something had happened
between her and Frasier.
Wow.
Okay.
I mean, my mom's last boyfriend
was a drummer who lived in his Toyota,
so, yeah, I'm fine with Mr. Beach House.
Bad news. Game's over.
We lost the gavel.
I can't let you just back out.
I mean, it's like you said
true love is always worth the risk.
And I said that about Roz.
What other explanation is there?
I can't think of one.
Go on, Dad.
Go get her. Come on.
Hey.
I believe in you.
Why are we holding hands?
Freddy's on to us.
He knows we're up to something.
- Do you trust me?
- Sure don't.
Okay, there's only way
we're gonna get out of here
without them knowing
we've been meddling.
I would tell you what it is,
but you're just gonna start
laughing hysterically, so
just play along.
Can you see if I'm wearing contacts?
(GASPS) Oh
Look how closely they're looking
into each other's eyes.
Pretend to burp.
(GASPS) She just gasped.
And you just ate some really hot food.
She's so emotional right now.
Wait, what the
Oh! Do you they think
you're asking me out?
- Yes, but
- No!
No! (EXCLAIMS)
That is not happening! You Oh, my
- Damn it, Frasier.
- That's pretty much
- what I thought was gonna happen.
- (CHUCKLES)
That's pretty much what I
thought was gonna happen.
Wow!
("TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS" PLAYING)
FRASIER:
Y'all know how this goes.
Hey, baby, I hear the blues
a-callin', tossed salads ♪
And scrambled eggs ♪
And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪
Yeah, maybe.
But I got you pegged.
(CHUCKLES)
But I don't know what to do ♪
With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
Life's callin' again. ♪
See you on the Cape!
Captioned by Media Access