I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e06 Episode Script

Hey guys, what's up? Oh, actually Yeah, that's great.
So I wrote a scene for my drama class, and I'd love for you guys to be in it.
I wrote the parts just for you.
Oh, no, can't do deals.
All my free time is taken up by my new girlfriend.
Oh, did I mention I have a girlfriend? Yes, you told us.
And we got your text, and your e-mail.
And we saw your tee-shirt, "I got a girlfriend.
Ask me how.
" You want to know how? No.
Oh, so, Jasmine, can you be in my scene? Sorry, crazy busy.
Well, you guys weren't really right for the parts anyway.
Lindy! Garrett! I wrote a scene for my drama class, and I'd love for you guys to be in it.
I wrote the parts just for you.
You wrote something for me? To act in? I always thought you were a natural performer.
I did do that play in the second grade.
Cowgirl On The Moon.
I will never forget it.
What a performance! I was the moon.
Oh, and don't let the title fool you.
It was all about the moon.
So are you guys in? Yeah, I'd be honored.
Garrett? Mm, I don't know.
Come on, it's just a quick little scene.
You'll only perform it in front of my drama class.
Why are you scratching? It's my nervous itch.
I get it whenever someone says "perform," or "in front of," or "hello.
" It'll be fun.
You and me on stage.
Is there a stage? A tiny one.
I can work with that.
I guess I'm in, too.
Great.
How many costume changes will I have? It's a two-page scene.
So two? Excuse me.
Oh, hi, Betty.
Sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear a conversation of a theatrical nature.
Uh-oh.
I may not have mentioned this before, but I did plays when I was in the Coast Guard.
My one-woman show of Twelve Angry Men was quite a hit.
The reviews said I did "angry" and "men" very well.
We'll call you.
Betty's heard that before.
Wow, you remodeled your locker.
Is that a mini chandelier? Yeah, I know it's a little crazy, but it's perfect with the drapes I ordered.
Hey, guys.
Oh, congratulate us.
Today is me and Erin's 2-week-aversary.
It seems like just last week we were celebrating our 1-week-aversary.
Yeah, time's weird like that.
Congratulations.
I'm happy for you guys.
Well, I should go to my locker.
I wish it wasn't so far away.
You know what? I should just give you my combination.
That way we won't have to be apart.
You want me to share your locker? We've been together 2 weeks.
If we don't do it now, then when? Wait till the third week? That's just silly.
Moving in together, huh? Aren't you guys going a little fast? Yeah, you've only been together 2 weeks.
I mean, that's just 14 days.
Trust me, it is.
You know, sometimes you just know.
I mean, when it's right, it's right.
That's sweet.
Oh, Jazz, I hope someday you can experience even just a fraction of what we have.
What about me? Oh, yeah, good luck to you, too.
So you okay? I'm great.
Couldn't be better.
I think your mini chandelier just broke.
You think? Listen, Jazz.
I know why you're upset.
What are you talking about? You don't have to pretend.
I know you like Logan.
I don't like Logan.
Why would you say that? A couple of months ago I heard you say it.
You were talking to yourself.
Who else knows about this? No one.
I didn't tell anybody.
Good.
Because if you do, that chandelier won't be the only thing in pieces! Seriously, I would be so embarrassed if Logan found out.
Especially now that he has a girlfriend.
I promise I won't tell anyone.
Good.
When did you start liking him? Remember last year when Logan and I were pretending to be a couple? Well, the longer we pretended, the less it felt like pretending.
So he's got two girls that like him, and I take yoga with my mom.
Hope the universe is enjoying itself.
Before we get started, I just want to say, thank you guys so much for being in my scene.
Aw, and thank you for bringing me back to the theatah.
Well, it's really just a classroom.
Oh, yeah, I know.
It's just how we theater people talk about the theatah.
I'm excited, too.
You know, actually, I was going to quit, but then I thought about it, and thought it might be nice for me to try something new.
You know, get out of my comfort zone.
I didn't know you had a comfort zone.
Well, I don't.
But I thought maybe if I started saying I did, I might actually get one.
So I wrote this scene about the fateful day when I was 12, and my dad told me he wished I'd been a boy.
Deals, that's so sad.
He didn't actually say that.
No, he adores me.
But drama is about conflict, so I had to make some stuff up.
That's called dramatic license.
He's not really a theater person.
I wish I'd known that you were.
Okay, let's get started.
And remember, there are no bad choices.
I think my character should have a moustache.
Except for that one.
Okay, now this is just reading through the script, so no acting necessary.
We open in the family kitchen.
Delia's dad sits reading the paper when Delia enters.
Whenever you're ready.
"Hi, Dad, I'm home from school.
" "Hi, Dad, I'm home from school.
" Garrett, it's your line.
I just counted and I've got 17 lines.
That's an awful lot.
You know, since Garrett is feeling a little nervous, I'd be happy to take a few of his.
You know, for the sake of the piece.
Thanks, Lindy.
No, you don't have to thank me.
This is just how we do things in the theatah! Hey.
Oh, hey, Jazz.
Is Lindy here? She'll be home soon.
Cool.
So how was the anniversary? Oh, it was awesome.
We had so much fun.
We even got temporary forever tattoos.
It's gone.
Oh, that's right, I took a shower.
Well, I'm I'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, it's pretty great being part of a couple.
I mean, Erin's my first real girlfriend.
Yay.
I can't believe this.
What's wrong? She dumped me.
Erin dumped me.
What? Why? Probably because I let her move into my locker.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
It was too soon.
Okay? I flew too close to the sun, Jazz, too close to the sun.
Well, Logan, I'm so sorry.
Come here.
Ee-oo-ah-oo.
Ee-oo-ah-oo.
Budda-gidda, budda-gidda, budda-gidda.
Sister Susie went to sea, to see the sea, you see.
The sea she saw was a saucy sea, a saucy sea saw she.
I'm lost.
Well, Garrett, I'm just doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh, right.
I guess I'm just a little nervous.
You know, I wish I had your acting experience.
I don't like to brag, but playing the part of the moon was only my first role.
Yeah, I went on to play a sassy rabbit in the third grade.
And then in fourth grade they canceled drama, and I took up gymnastics.
Wait, what was the question? Hey, guys, let's get started.
Here are the new scripts.
Now, Garrett, I know you were stressing out, so I cut a few of your lines.
And, Lindy, I added some for you.
Nine? Still kind of a lot.
Sixteen.
We're getting there.
Now let's try it from the top.
Whenever you're ready.
Anytime now.
Just start! Okay.
"Hi, Dad, I'm home from school.
" Oh, that's a five.
Got to take this.
Real good so far, though.
So Rumble Juice after school? Wait a sec.
I'm still in character.
Yeah, Rumble Juice sounds fun.
Hey, did you hear Logan got dumped by his girlfriend? He did? Wow.
Does Jasmine know? Yeah, she's the one who told me.
Did she say anything else? No.
What else would she say? Nothing.
Okay, what is it? What is what? I know you.
You're hiding something.
No, I'm I'm not.
Hey, let's do some of those vocal thingies.
Ooee-ooee-ooee-ooee Garrett, you know something, and you're going to tell me what it is.
Now we could do this the easy way, or we could do this the hard way.
What's the hard way? You're not gonna like it.
Well, then, what's the easy way? Not gonna like that either.
Is there a third way? Yeah, but you're not gonna like it.
Jasmine likes Logan.
That's funny, for a minute I thought you said What? Jasmine likes Logan? Yes.
I can't believe Jasmine didn't tell me.
I'm one of her best friends.
She didn't tell me.
I just overheard her say it.
And I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, so you can't tell anyone either.
What's going on? You both look like deer caught in the headlights.
No, we don't.
I should know.
During the holidays my family likes to drive around and see if we can catch deer in our headlights.
It's kind of a tradition.
Okay, the truth is we had a breakthrough.
With the scene.
Oh.
For a minute I thought you were talking about Jasmine liking Logan.
What? You know? How did you find out? I am a writer, and writers can see into people's souls.
Plus I heard you guys from the hallway.
And may I just say, holy mackerel, Jasmine likes Logan? Which is supposed to be a secret.
So you guys can't tell Jasmine you know.
We can't do that.
She's our best friend, we have to tell her we know.
But then she'll know I blabbed it.
She threw me up against a locker.
She was practically foaming at the mouth.
Oh, don't be such a coward.
Lindy, you tell her.
Well, I'm here.
What did you guys want to tell me? Okay, I'm just gonna rip the bandage off.
We know you like Logan.
You told? I couldn't help it.
Lindy threatened me.
Jazz, let him go.
Yeah, don't hurt him.
He might know some other secrets.
You okay? I'm fine.
Sweetie, you don't have to hide this from us.
Liking someone is a good thing.
Even if it is my brother.
You know he does his homework on the toilet, right? Aw, he's doing his homework now.
Oh, she's got it bad.
Look, Jazz, you should just tell Logan how you feel.
And the sooner the better, because the secret-keeping around here is not so good.
I can't just go up to him and say, "I like you.
" I mean, what if he doesn't like me back? It would be awful.
Well, do you want me to talk to him? Find out how he feels? I guess that would be okay.
But you can't come right out and ask him if he likes me.
You have to ask him in a way that he won't know.
But you'll know, and I'll know, but he won't know that we know, you know? No, I don't know.
You just have to be subtle.
I wouldn't worry about subtle.
Especially with a guy who pronounces it "sub-tull.
" Yeah, where is Logan anyway? He said he was going on a long, sad walk by the lake.
This break-up's hit him pretty hard.
Isn't that great? Hey, Logan, how you doing? That's the spirit.
Will you at least look at me? I don't even have the will to turn my head.
The world is just as sad as I remembered it.
Logan, I know you're feeling down right now, but there are other girls out there.
No, there aren't.
Okay, not for me.
Erin and I had such big plans for our 3-week-aversary.
We were gonna go to Rumble Juice.
Logan, in times like these you've got to lean on your friends.
Like for example, yesterday, after you got dumped, you were leaning on someone's shoulder.
Who was that again? Jasmine.
Right, Jasmine.
What a terrific girl, huh? Yeah, I'm lucky to have such good friends.
Let's not lump them all together, okay? Let's focus on one at a time.
Now who who were we talking about again? Jasmine.
Oh, right.
Jasmine Are you having memory problems? Okay, let me try this another way.
Okay, so there's this guy I know, and I consider him a friend.
But lately I'm starting to wonder if he could be more than that.
Do you think that's possible for friends to turn into more than friends? Unbelievable.
Here I am all heartbroken, and you just want to talk about yourself.
Logan, just answer the question.
Do you think friends could be more than friends? Okay, now I see what's going on.
You do? It's so obvious.
You like Garrett.
What? No, I don't! Yes, you do.
You are trying to be sub-tull, but I know.
Logan, I do not like Garrett.
Okay, if you don't like Garrett, then what's this all about? I was just trying to The truth is Okay, I like Garrett.
You know he still sleeps with his baby blanket, right? I find that charming.
Okay, whatever.
Now I would like to go back to being miserable.
Fine.
Hey, would you mind? Oh-oh.
Okay, Garrett, I've re-written the script again.
Please, tell me you cut more of my lines.
Your are so not an actor.
I don't see myself at all.
Right there.
"A tree stands nearby?" You're the tree.
I have all the lines now.
Great work, kiddo.
So I'm just a tree? Of course not.
You're the listening tree.
What do I have to do? Again, you're the listening tree.
So I just listen? For a listening tree, you don't listen very well.
People will still be staring at my face.
Okay, stop scratching.
We'll put you in a costume that covers your face.
When that tree goes down, and it will, Betty will be ready.
Having an understudy might be a good idea.
I am pretty shaky.
You heard him.
Now what's the part? Well, you'll be playing a tree.
What's my back story? You want to know about the back story of the tree? Trying to build a character here.
Okay, well, you start as an acorn, then you're a sapling, and now you're a tree.
Any crises with lumberjacks or fire? Nope.
You just stand there and listen.
So I'm a tree with no lines? Pretty much.
Betty exits, stage left.
Oh, hey, Erin.
Hey.
Moving your stuff out of Logan's locker, huh? I'm so sorry.
Break-ups are hard.
Actually, I'm moving back in.
I'm sorry what? Didn't you hear? Logan and me got back together.
Really? That's great.
So how did this great thing happen? I realized that we were meant to be together.
I guess I was just nervous about dating someone who's so much more smarter than me.
Uh-huh.
Well, I hope you two are very more happier together.
Oh, listening tree, you are so wise.
As I stand here, thinking about the advice you would have given me if you could talk, I feel completely at peace.
Thank you, listening tree.
You have given me the roots to grow.
Author! Author! Oh, that's me.
Thank you.
Great job, Linds.
Thanks.
And you too, tree.
Way to stand there.
Oh, hey, why don't we go down to the quad and wait for the reviews to come out? What reviews? Well, I took the liberty of writing one in advance.
"The theater was reborn during fourth period today, when Lindy Watson brought new meaning to the word acting.
" Oh, Garrett, if you see Lindy, tell her not to talk to Logan.
Now that he got back together with Erin, I would die if he found out I liked him.
Thanks.
It was so weird, the way she just walked up and told me, right to my face.
She didn't know you stepped in as the tree because Garrett was in the bathroom puking.
Oh, right.
By the way, did I do okay? Sweetie, I was on stage, no one was looking at you.
I can't believe Jasmine likes me like that.
So, um, now that you know, what do you think? I don't know what I think.
I mean, Jasmine's great.
I just never thought of her that way.
And I already have a girlfriend.
Oh, wait, let me check.
Yup.
Now listen, you can't tell Jasmine that you know.
You have to keep this a secret.
I can't even tell Garrett? He already knows.
What about Delia? She knows, too.
Then how is it a secret? Just don't tell Jasmine.
Okay, okay.
Oh, and your secret about liking Garrett is safe with me, too.
I don't like Garrett.
Fine, we'll play it that way.
Hey, guys.
Hi.
Hey.
So I heard you and Erin got back together.
That's great.
Thanks.
And I heard nothing.
Logan, come on, we're gonna be late for the movie.
Oh, right.
Yeah, we-we-we should get going.
See you guys.
You okay, Jazz? No.
But I will be.
You know I'm always here for you, right? Of course.
Come here.
Where's Delia? I thought about it, and I'm willing to accept the role of the tree.
Uh, Betty, the play's over.
That was just a one-time thing.
You mean, I've been swaying in the wind all day for nothing? Sorry.
The theater.
She's a cruel mistress.
So Garrett tells me you like Logan.
Jazz, I hear your mini-fridge came in.
Yeah, it's awesome.
You want anything? Sure, got anything to drink? I've got apple juice, orange juice, tomato juice, sparkling water.
Oh, I'm kind of snacky.
Got anything to eat? Oh, perfect timing.
The cookies are just coming out of the oven.
Mmm.
You know what will be amazing with these cookies? Some milk.
Let's see, I have 1%, 2%, skim, and I might have some unpasteurized.
Yup, it's ready.
Thanks, Daisy.
Cow's name is Daisy.