James May's Things You Need to Know (2010) s02e06 Episode Script
...about Chemistry
For many of us, there are few subjects more confounding than chemistry.
But, in truth, it's actually a lot like cooking.
You take some ingredients, you mix them together in a bowl, or maybe a beaker, and you end up with all sorts of surprising concoctions.
Although, in chemistry, it's probably a good idea if you don't lick the spoon afterwards.
I'm here to distil the truth, with mind-bending questions, such as - why do things go bang? Can I turn lead into gold? And why would anyone want my pee? Just a few of the things you need to know about your chemical life.
Let's start with something nice and simple.
Hopefully.
The world is like one big laboratory, full of chemical reactions.
But you don't need a PHD to prove it.
You just need some household ingredients.
TV ADVERTISEMENT: It's pure and good.
And it's so thrifty! Baking soda is used in muffins to help them rise.
But God forbid that you mistake your vanilla extract for vinegar, because it'll blow your muffin top off.
Oh! Why is that? Well, the chemical recipe for this muffin gone wrong looks like this.
Which looks massively complicated, but really, it means that baking soda is a base substance, made up of sodium, carbon, oxygen and hydrogen atoms, forming a molecular structure that looks like this.
Vinegar, meanwhile, is a carboxylic acid made up of these atoms and its molecular structure looks like this.
The thing you need to know about acids and bases is that they're opposites.
And when they're forced to mix, the atoms rearrange themselves to form new substances.
And it's this act of two substances coming together to form another one that's at the heart of all chemical reactions.
The simplest chemical reaction that everybody has seen all the time without even knowing, probably, that it's a chemical reaction, is burning.
You're producing carbon dioxide and water.
Part of the fun of chemistry is the ability of chemicals to transform products which are often quite unlike their parents.
In the case of our vinegary muffin, it's the production of carbon dioxide which accounts for all the frothy mess.
The lesson you should take from this is - always read the label.
You will no doubt have noticed a lot of letters and numbers making up those chemical equations.
And those letters, like .
.
they represent the elements - the basic building blocks of chemistry.
And they are very interesting things, elements, because, just like us, each has its own persona.
And, just like us, they don't necessarily get along with each other.
Which makes me wonder Oxygen, lead, neon, mercury.
In total, there are 118 elements.
And, like us, they all behave differently.
To keep them in check, we've created a kind of chemical prison - the periodic table.
And it works like this.
Vertically, elements are organised into three main groups - metals, nonmetals and metalloids.
Horizontally, the elements are arranged into rows according to their atomic number.
The lightweight hydrogen has been put right at the top, because its mass is just one, which means it only has one proton.
The atomic number of an atom is defined as the number of protons, as well as the number of electrons that are spinning around, or orbiting around that nucleus.
And it's the number of electrons on the outside of each element which governs its chemical reactivity.
There are 98 naturally-occurring elements in the periodic table, plus there are some additional ones, which we have to synthesize artificially.
And the lower you go, the heavier an element becomes.
Down in the basement, the radioactive ununoctium has a mass of 118 - a superheavyweight.
And which cell an element has been assigned to can tell us how it will react to another.
Carbon, for example, has little trouble mixing with others.
Amigos! Whereas Francium is notoriously violent, especially when wet.
But it's the combinations that you really need to keep an eye on.
When sodium meets chlorine, you get sodium chloride - common table salt.
But add three oxygen atoms, and give it a jolt, and you get sodium chlorate - weed killer.
And if that comes into contact with sugar, you get an explosion.
And we could go on forever, because the potential combinations are endless.
As you would expect, most of the ones we know about were found by accident, or through trial and error.
But we should probably end things at this point.
We might give the inmates ideas.
While some chemical combinations seem terribly dramatic, there are plenty of others that seem really quite uneventful.
But even so, we couldn't live without them.
In fact, you'd be surprised at the level of our chemical dependency.
The truth is - if it weren't for chemistry, we wouldn't even make it out of bed.
For starters, we take roughly 14,000 breaths of air every day.
And it alone is made up of hundreds of chemicals, including nitrogen, oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide and water.
Our bodies are made up of 60% H20, and without regular refills, we'd be done for.
Next comes breakfast.
Without the iron in our cereal, we'd become anaemic and riddled with worms.
Not enough iodized salt and our thyroid glands would swell into goitres.
And without glucose, we'd stumble around like braindead zombies.
All in all, not a pretty sight.
But our chemical dependency has gone well beyond food and drink.
We use hundreds of substances in things like soaps and toothpaste, without which we'd be smelly, hairy and toothless.
You may have noticed that we're still naked at this point.
So, to keeps things decent, we cover ourselves with chains of repeating molecules, called polymers, like wool, nylon and polyester.
A polymer is a long-chain molecule that's made up usually of a repeating series of so-called molymers.
Like imagining putting a bead or a series of beads on a chain.
You had two different colours.
Then, you could alternate them red-green, red-green, like that.
Polymers also occur in natural compounds.
In plants and animals, but also, we're familiar with them as synthetic substances that chemists make.
So, while some of us try to make up for our deficiencies with wigs made from breathable nylon, others set about enhancing their features with cosmetics.
Once upon a time, cosmetics were truly poisonous and contained things like white lead, which turned your skin black and made your eyes bulge, and induced a slow death.
Even today's versions contain trace elements of heavy metals.
Which is why I only very rarely wear makeup.
900 chemicals before nine in the morning, and your chemical day has only just begun.
Before you leave, though, it's advisable to pay a quick visit to the bathroom.
And strangely, I'm going to be coming with you, because I'd like to spend a little bit of time examining your urine.
Now, oddly enough, I'm not alone in this one.
Plenty of people would like to join me.
Let me explain.
You probably think of pee as waste.
But it has some very valuable components.
The most sought after is urea.
A nitrogen-rich compound that is colourless and odourless.
But when the urea breaks down, it forms ammonia which, while smelly, is nature's bleach.
This explains why the Romans collected urine - to whiten their togas and even their teeth.
Human and animal urine is still harvested all over the world.
One town in Mexico collects 4,500 litres during carnival week alone, selling it for a tidy profit.
Ole! Health professionals collect your pee for entirely different reasons.
Urine analysis is a great way of measuring the body's overall chemical balance.
It can tell you if you're pregnant, for example, or if you have an infection.
Health professionals love urine.
You know the expression "You are what you eat"? Well, that's mostly true.
Do you know how they used to find out whether somebody had diabetes? Easy - you take a urine sample, you dip your finger in it, and you taste it.
And if it's sweet, your patient has got diabetes, cos they're not metabolising sugars properly.
It's also a good way to detect alcohol and drugs in the system.
Although the police generally don't do this by the roadside.
It's a bit messy.
Pee, however, has a more dangerous side.
17th-century alchemist Hennig Brand distilled his own, hoping to extract gold, but discovered phosphorus instead, which is what makes matches burn so bright.
Today, urine and urea are used in everything, from fertilizers to fire extinguishers.
In fact, it's so useful, we've had to chemically synthesise it to keep up with demand.
You'll find it in beauty products, dish soap, even on pretzels to give them brown glaze.
And urine is still used in the traditional manufacture of tweed clothing, which might explain why people will avoid you if you wear your tweed jacket in the rain.
So, next time you go for a wee, remember - you could be flushing away a fortune.
That gives a whole new meaning to taking theyou know what I mean.
But hang on a minute, what was that about pee being potentially explosive? Well, it's all to do with combustion, apparently.
That's the scientific term for blowing things up.
And combustion can take many forms - some good, some bad, some downright ugly.
So I suppose my next question should be Ever since man-made fire, we've been experimenting with combustion with varying degrees of success.
Bangs are usually the result of a fuel reacting with oxygen, and a heat source, like a spark.
This creates heat, light, pressure and sound.
Of course, none of these results are strictly chemical.
This is where chemistry partners up with its old friend - physics.
Because really, a bang is a release of energy in a short burst.
In an explosion, you have a molecule.
If you give it enough energy, it would prefer to exist in some other form.
That other form involves breaking high-energy bonds.
Those bonds essentially fragment apart in a very violent and rapid fashion, releasing large amounts of energy and large amounts of gas.
The type of bang depends on the chemicals you use, and how you set them off.
Fireworks contain elements that give them their distinctive colours.
Sodium makes yellow, copper - green, and potassium - violet.
But the explosive ingredient is actually gunpowder.
If you want to big up the bang, you'll need something more powerful.
Like nitroglycerine, which is highly volatile.
Ideal for making dynamite, though be careful how you handle her.
You CAN actually harness the power of bangs if you have an internal combustion engine.
Inside the engine, combustion of fuel creates hot gases and, when trapped, the pressure pushes the pistons and you're off! Engines happen to be one of my favourite things.
They operate on what's known as the suck-squeeze-bang-blow principle.
Air and fuel is sucked into the engine, they're squeezed in a chamber, and that mixture is then ignited by a spark.
That's the bang which drives the pistons down.
And, finally, the exhaust valve opens and that's the blow.
We may think we're in control, but things can still blow up in your face if you're not smart about it.
So don't try any of this at home.
A note from our lawyers there.
Now, obviously, without combustion, I wouldn't have a regular day job.
But cars don't rely on engines alone.
Another key chemical component is the battery - big, powerful, and occasionally prone to going flat.
Why does it do that? Or Imagine a world without portable electric power.
The wiring would cause traffic chaos.
Thank heavens for batteries.
Batteries convert chemical energy into electricity.
And they all work in a fairly similar way.
Inside are two metallic plates, called electrodes.
And between them is a sort of chemical bridge, called an electrolyte, made of stuff like sulphuric acid.
And the electrolyte allows charged electrons gathered at one electrode to travel to the other, creating the get up and go.
The transfer of electrons is the basic principle of all batteries.
In fact, you could stick two electrodes in anything organic and create a current.
Even a lemon, because the citric acid in the lemon would become the electrolyte.
Trouble is, you'd need a lemon bigger than a car just to start the car.
The lead acid batteries in our cars were the first rechargeable ones and haven't changed a great deal since 1859.
But they're a bit of a chemical conundrum, as, really, they shouldn't work at all.
Because their electrodes consist of lead at one end and lead oxide at the other.
And oxides don't normally conduct electricity.
So where does the juice come from? Well, it took us until 2011 to figure this out.
When electrons travel between the electrodes, the lead oxide LOSES oxygen, transforming itself into a conductor.
And away you go! All batteries will die at some point, because there is a limit to the chemical energy stored inside.
Even the one inside your car will die eventually.
Battery technology is getting better and better all the time.
But there are still problems.
They're expensive to manufacture, they're heavy to carry around, they're difficult to dispose of.
One possibility for the future is to use things like hydrogen fuel cells.
So, in the very near future, lead acid car batteries could seem like old news, but we can't really complain.
After all, these ones have lasted over 150 years.
Well, I, for one, look forward to the day when I don't have to ask my neighbour for a jump-start on a cold winter's morning.
It's enough to drive you to drink.
Not while you're driving, obviously.
But that brings me on to another of chemistry's most popular creations - a pint, or a dram.
Whatever your pleasure, one chemical formula is responsible for all of them.
We've been making merry with alcohol since the Stone Age.
You wouldn't recognise the stuff they drank, as it contained all sorts of strange substances, including narcotic herbs.
But the way alcohol is made has never really changed - it's all thanks to fermentation.
What's that? This is when the sugars in fruits, grains, potatoes, or even cactus are combined with water and yeast to form a mash.
Yeast is one of the 15,000 or so members of the bizarrely named "kingdom of fungi.
" It's a micro-organism and we exploit it to encourage chemical reactions in the making of things like bread and cheese.
Although I'm rather more interested in its boozy potential.
Cheers.
The yeast causes a chemical reaction, converting sugar molecules into ethanol-alcohol, and carbon dioxide - the bubbles.
With lots of booze, we let the bubbles out, but in lager and Champagne, they're trapped.
A bottle of bubbly contains millions of bubbles and exerts roughly three times more pressure than the air in a car tyre.
And it's thought that those tiny bubbles speed the flow of alcohol into your bloodstream.
If you want even more of a kick, you'll need one of these - a still.
Distillation starts by heating the fermented alcohol, causing it to boil.
Vapours then rise and are channelled into a condenser, where they cool back into a liquid with a much higher alcoholic content.
This stuff is like rocket fuel, so it has to be watered down again before it's even bottled, let alone drunk.
Alcohols are a family of different molecules.
Methanol is the toxic alcohol.
Methanol will make you blind.
Isopropanol.
This is commonly found as rubbing alcohol.
So when you look on the side of your whisky bottle and it gives you a percentage, that's the percentage of ethanol and that's the bit that makes you tipsy.
But whether you like your booze neat, fizzy, shaken or stirred, it's all just a chemical cocktail.
One of the other things alcohol does is give us a distorted notion of our own attractiveness.
And the false confidence to go and chat someone up.
Now, this may work out in your favour, but, of course, it may not.
So you should really consider alternative means of making yourself more appealing.
Maybe chemistry could help us here, too.
Can chemistry make me irresistible? One person you could have asked was a woman named Tapputi.
She was the first recorded chemist, living in 1200BC, and extracted perfumes from flowers, herbs, even animal glands, all designed to make people more desirable.
Today, we're able to synthetically mimic aromas, using complex chemical ingredients.
Smell and taste are both parts of the body's amazing ability to detect chemicals.
The receptors inside our noses respond to give rise to a signal and, in many cases, these compounds then smell pleasant to us.
You might think perfumes are all designed to mask your body odour, but researchers claim we subconsciously choose a scent that complements it.
Our natural odour contains pheromones - aromatic compounds released through sweat glands.
Pheromones have less to do with love per se, and more to do with your immune system.
Subconsciously, we're always on the lookout for someone whose immune system is different, because our offspring will inherit the best of both.
All this chemistry is happening at a molecular level.
But once the attraction becomes apparent, there are a few things you can do to heighten your chemical romance.
Number one, go diving for oysters.
They contain dopamine, which enhances your libido.
Two, gorge on bananas.
They contain zinc, said to increase sperm and testosterone production.
And three, keep a bottle of mouthwash handy.
Hydrogen sulfide lies on the back of your tongue and that's what gives you bad breath.
Mouthwash kills it off, using a variety of ingredients, such as hydrogen peroxide, menthol, and, my personal favourite, alkyletholbenzyldimemmo alkylbetholbenzyldimeldonium This fella, here.
That is a bit of a mouthful.
If all that's led you to the bedroom, and you're still in need of help, there's a little blue pill containing sildenafil citrate, which, well, keeps the blood flowing for longer.
But we'll leave that behind closed doors, shall we? But I wouldn't have to rely on fragrances and breath fresheners and aphrodisiacs if I were a billionaire, would I? HE CHUCKLES Fat chance of that happening Unless I could find a way to turn lead into gold.
Actually, chemists have been trying to do that for 2,000 years.
I wonder if any of them ever managed it! To look at them, one glitters, while the other one iswell, rather dull.
But gold and lead have some surprisingly similar qualities.
Both are heavy metals, and both are malleable, especially when heated, which may be why alchemists have tried throughout history to turn one into the other.
Without success.
Actually, many alchemists died as a result of breathing in poisonous fumes while trying to turn lead into gold.
And even the man who discovered gravity, Sir Isaac Newton, he dabbled in alchemy and he suffered mercury poisoning towards the end of his life as a result of his morechemical hobbies.
But in the 1970s, Russian scientists unexpectedly discovered that part of the lead shielding in their nuclear reactor had, astonishingly, turned into gold.
The secret, it seems, is radiation.
The atomic number of gold is 79, while lead is 82.
And if you zap lead with radiation, it causes an energy build-up, some of which has to be released.
The result is that lead loses some of its protons.
And if you're lucky, presto, you get gold! Sounds easy, but here's the catch.
The gold would be so radioactive, you'd be dead before you could bank it.
It turns out, though, we need gold for far more than just bling.
It's also a fantastic conductor and is found in all manner of electronic devices.
You have a cellphone, guess what? Your cellphone's full of gold.
Not enough to make a gold ring, but the circuits inside your cellphone are connected together with gold wire.
Gold is highly conductive.
It's able to give up its electrons and pass these electrons through the material so that it can conduct electric current.
And other metals are less good at that, because they hold on to their electrons more tightly.
Gold is expensive - can chemistry give us an answer? Chemistry can.
Now science is trying to use nanotechnology to manipulate the electrons on the surface of base metals, like lead, to make them behave like their precious counterparts.
It might not be exactly what the alchemists had in mind, but it's still lead into gold, sort of.
The other age-old quest those ancient alchemists were eternally pre-occupied with was to find the potion to give eternal life.
I wonder if chemistry could crack that nut as well! THIS is chemistry's holy grail - the elixir granting eternal youth.
Unfortunately, despite plenty of searching throughout the ages, we haven't found ityet.
But we have discovered chemicals that may help to keep death at bay for a little longer.
The goal is to extend life by repairing the damage that our cells are subjected to over time, which is the cause of dreaded old age.
One of the mechanisms of ageing is that the genes - part of your genetic code - as cells split and duplicate, the genes are transmitted from cell to cell, but they get shorter and shorter and shorter.
And over time, you can start to notice their effects.
And that's what we call ageing.
Among the most promising candidates found so far are sirtuin activators, proteins that trick the body into thinking it doesn't need any more calories.
So why is that a good thing? Well, these proteins can defend against a major contributor to cell damage - overeating.
When excess calories flood your system, it causes your cells to age at a faster rate.
But to the rescue comes red wine, full of a sirtuin activator called resveratrol, a chemical produced by the grapevine in times of starvation or stress.
And studies have found that resveratrol extends the life span of its test subjects, mice, by as much as 50%.
Which might explain why the French, for all their love of both rich food and red wine, still live as long as the rest of us.
Other anti-ageing remedies aren't quite so appealing, though.
Rapamycin, for example, is an anti-fungal agent found only in the soil on Easter Island.
And, supposedly, it can slow the ageing process.
Don't really fancy eating soil, though.
So enjoying a glass a day might actually keep the doctor away.
But don't overdo it.
Otherwise, it might be the booze that kills you.
Finding the elixir of eternal youth is unlikely to be something that happens in my lifetime.
But chemistry has always given us the power and the confidence to solve problems and even dream the impossible.
And you can rest assured that that's not likely to change.
And who knows? Maybe one day, they'll come up with a formula that helps us remember everything we learned in chemistry class.
I'd have some of that.
But, in truth, it's actually a lot like cooking.
You take some ingredients, you mix them together in a bowl, or maybe a beaker, and you end up with all sorts of surprising concoctions.
Although, in chemistry, it's probably a good idea if you don't lick the spoon afterwards.
I'm here to distil the truth, with mind-bending questions, such as - why do things go bang? Can I turn lead into gold? And why would anyone want my pee? Just a few of the things you need to know about your chemical life.
Let's start with something nice and simple.
Hopefully.
The world is like one big laboratory, full of chemical reactions.
But you don't need a PHD to prove it.
You just need some household ingredients.
TV ADVERTISEMENT: It's pure and good.
And it's so thrifty! Baking soda is used in muffins to help them rise.
But God forbid that you mistake your vanilla extract for vinegar, because it'll blow your muffin top off.
Oh! Why is that? Well, the chemical recipe for this muffin gone wrong looks like this.
Which looks massively complicated, but really, it means that baking soda is a base substance, made up of sodium, carbon, oxygen and hydrogen atoms, forming a molecular structure that looks like this.
Vinegar, meanwhile, is a carboxylic acid made up of these atoms and its molecular structure looks like this.
The thing you need to know about acids and bases is that they're opposites.
And when they're forced to mix, the atoms rearrange themselves to form new substances.
And it's this act of two substances coming together to form another one that's at the heart of all chemical reactions.
The simplest chemical reaction that everybody has seen all the time without even knowing, probably, that it's a chemical reaction, is burning.
You're producing carbon dioxide and water.
Part of the fun of chemistry is the ability of chemicals to transform products which are often quite unlike their parents.
In the case of our vinegary muffin, it's the production of carbon dioxide which accounts for all the frothy mess.
The lesson you should take from this is - always read the label.
You will no doubt have noticed a lot of letters and numbers making up those chemical equations.
And those letters, like .
.
they represent the elements - the basic building blocks of chemistry.
And they are very interesting things, elements, because, just like us, each has its own persona.
And, just like us, they don't necessarily get along with each other.
Which makes me wonder Oxygen, lead, neon, mercury.
In total, there are 118 elements.
And, like us, they all behave differently.
To keep them in check, we've created a kind of chemical prison - the periodic table.
And it works like this.
Vertically, elements are organised into three main groups - metals, nonmetals and metalloids.
Horizontally, the elements are arranged into rows according to their atomic number.
The lightweight hydrogen has been put right at the top, because its mass is just one, which means it only has one proton.
The atomic number of an atom is defined as the number of protons, as well as the number of electrons that are spinning around, or orbiting around that nucleus.
And it's the number of electrons on the outside of each element which governs its chemical reactivity.
There are 98 naturally-occurring elements in the periodic table, plus there are some additional ones, which we have to synthesize artificially.
And the lower you go, the heavier an element becomes.
Down in the basement, the radioactive ununoctium has a mass of 118 - a superheavyweight.
And which cell an element has been assigned to can tell us how it will react to another.
Carbon, for example, has little trouble mixing with others.
Amigos! Whereas Francium is notoriously violent, especially when wet.
But it's the combinations that you really need to keep an eye on.
When sodium meets chlorine, you get sodium chloride - common table salt.
But add three oxygen atoms, and give it a jolt, and you get sodium chlorate - weed killer.
And if that comes into contact with sugar, you get an explosion.
And we could go on forever, because the potential combinations are endless.
As you would expect, most of the ones we know about were found by accident, or through trial and error.
But we should probably end things at this point.
We might give the inmates ideas.
While some chemical combinations seem terribly dramatic, there are plenty of others that seem really quite uneventful.
But even so, we couldn't live without them.
In fact, you'd be surprised at the level of our chemical dependency.
The truth is - if it weren't for chemistry, we wouldn't even make it out of bed.
For starters, we take roughly 14,000 breaths of air every day.
And it alone is made up of hundreds of chemicals, including nitrogen, oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide and water.
Our bodies are made up of 60% H20, and without regular refills, we'd be done for.
Next comes breakfast.
Without the iron in our cereal, we'd become anaemic and riddled with worms.
Not enough iodized salt and our thyroid glands would swell into goitres.
And without glucose, we'd stumble around like braindead zombies.
All in all, not a pretty sight.
But our chemical dependency has gone well beyond food and drink.
We use hundreds of substances in things like soaps and toothpaste, without which we'd be smelly, hairy and toothless.
You may have noticed that we're still naked at this point.
So, to keeps things decent, we cover ourselves with chains of repeating molecules, called polymers, like wool, nylon and polyester.
A polymer is a long-chain molecule that's made up usually of a repeating series of so-called molymers.
Like imagining putting a bead or a series of beads on a chain.
You had two different colours.
Then, you could alternate them red-green, red-green, like that.
Polymers also occur in natural compounds.
In plants and animals, but also, we're familiar with them as synthetic substances that chemists make.
So, while some of us try to make up for our deficiencies with wigs made from breathable nylon, others set about enhancing their features with cosmetics.
Once upon a time, cosmetics were truly poisonous and contained things like white lead, which turned your skin black and made your eyes bulge, and induced a slow death.
Even today's versions contain trace elements of heavy metals.
Which is why I only very rarely wear makeup.
900 chemicals before nine in the morning, and your chemical day has only just begun.
Before you leave, though, it's advisable to pay a quick visit to the bathroom.
And strangely, I'm going to be coming with you, because I'd like to spend a little bit of time examining your urine.
Now, oddly enough, I'm not alone in this one.
Plenty of people would like to join me.
Let me explain.
You probably think of pee as waste.
But it has some very valuable components.
The most sought after is urea.
A nitrogen-rich compound that is colourless and odourless.
But when the urea breaks down, it forms ammonia which, while smelly, is nature's bleach.
This explains why the Romans collected urine - to whiten their togas and even their teeth.
Human and animal urine is still harvested all over the world.
One town in Mexico collects 4,500 litres during carnival week alone, selling it for a tidy profit.
Ole! Health professionals collect your pee for entirely different reasons.
Urine analysis is a great way of measuring the body's overall chemical balance.
It can tell you if you're pregnant, for example, or if you have an infection.
Health professionals love urine.
You know the expression "You are what you eat"? Well, that's mostly true.
Do you know how they used to find out whether somebody had diabetes? Easy - you take a urine sample, you dip your finger in it, and you taste it.
And if it's sweet, your patient has got diabetes, cos they're not metabolising sugars properly.
It's also a good way to detect alcohol and drugs in the system.
Although the police generally don't do this by the roadside.
It's a bit messy.
Pee, however, has a more dangerous side.
17th-century alchemist Hennig Brand distilled his own, hoping to extract gold, but discovered phosphorus instead, which is what makes matches burn so bright.
Today, urine and urea are used in everything, from fertilizers to fire extinguishers.
In fact, it's so useful, we've had to chemically synthesise it to keep up with demand.
You'll find it in beauty products, dish soap, even on pretzels to give them brown glaze.
And urine is still used in the traditional manufacture of tweed clothing, which might explain why people will avoid you if you wear your tweed jacket in the rain.
So, next time you go for a wee, remember - you could be flushing away a fortune.
That gives a whole new meaning to taking theyou know what I mean.
But hang on a minute, what was that about pee being potentially explosive? Well, it's all to do with combustion, apparently.
That's the scientific term for blowing things up.
And combustion can take many forms - some good, some bad, some downright ugly.
So I suppose my next question should be Ever since man-made fire, we've been experimenting with combustion with varying degrees of success.
Bangs are usually the result of a fuel reacting with oxygen, and a heat source, like a spark.
This creates heat, light, pressure and sound.
Of course, none of these results are strictly chemical.
This is where chemistry partners up with its old friend - physics.
Because really, a bang is a release of energy in a short burst.
In an explosion, you have a molecule.
If you give it enough energy, it would prefer to exist in some other form.
That other form involves breaking high-energy bonds.
Those bonds essentially fragment apart in a very violent and rapid fashion, releasing large amounts of energy and large amounts of gas.
The type of bang depends on the chemicals you use, and how you set them off.
Fireworks contain elements that give them their distinctive colours.
Sodium makes yellow, copper - green, and potassium - violet.
But the explosive ingredient is actually gunpowder.
If you want to big up the bang, you'll need something more powerful.
Like nitroglycerine, which is highly volatile.
Ideal for making dynamite, though be careful how you handle her.
You CAN actually harness the power of bangs if you have an internal combustion engine.
Inside the engine, combustion of fuel creates hot gases and, when trapped, the pressure pushes the pistons and you're off! Engines happen to be one of my favourite things.
They operate on what's known as the suck-squeeze-bang-blow principle.
Air and fuel is sucked into the engine, they're squeezed in a chamber, and that mixture is then ignited by a spark.
That's the bang which drives the pistons down.
And, finally, the exhaust valve opens and that's the blow.
We may think we're in control, but things can still blow up in your face if you're not smart about it.
So don't try any of this at home.
A note from our lawyers there.
Now, obviously, without combustion, I wouldn't have a regular day job.
But cars don't rely on engines alone.
Another key chemical component is the battery - big, powerful, and occasionally prone to going flat.
Why does it do that? Or Imagine a world without portable electric power.
The wiring would cause traffic chaos.
Thank heavens for batteries.
Batteries convert chemical energy into electricity.
And they all work in a fairly similar way.
Inside are two metallic plates, called electrodes.
And between them is a sort of chemical bridge, called an electrolyte, made of stuff like sulphuric acid.
And the electrolyte allows charged electrons gathered at one electrode to travel to the other, creating the get up and go.
The transfer of electrons is the basic principle of all batteries.
In fact, you could stick two electrodes in anything organic and create a current.
Even a lemon, because the citric acid in the lemon would become the electrolyte.
Trouble is, you'd need a lemon bigger than a car just to start the car.
The lead acid batteries in our cars were the first rechargeable ones and haven't changed a great deal since 1859.
But they're a bit of a chemical conundrum, as, really, they shouldn't work at all.
Because their electrodes consist of lead at one end and lead oxide at the other.
And oxides don't normally conduct electricity.
So where does the juice come from? Well, it took us until 2011 to figure this out.
When electrons travel between the electrodes, the lead oxide LOSES oxygen, transforming itself into a conductor.
And away you go! All batteries will die at some point, because there is a limit to the chemical energy stored inside.
Even the one inside your car will die eventually.
Battery technology is getting better and better all the time.
But there are still problems.
They're expensive to manufacture, they're heavy to carry around, they're difficult to dispose of.
One possibility for the future is to use things like hydrogen fuel cells.
So, in the very near future, lead acid car batteries could seem like old news, but we can't really complain.
After all, these ones have lasted over 150 years.
Well, I, for one, look forward to the day when I don't have to ask my neighbour for a jump-start on a cold winter's morning.
It's enough to drive you to drink.
Not while you're driving, obviously.
But that brings me on to another of chemistry's most popular creations - a pint, or a dram.
Whatever your pleasure, one chemical formula is responsible for all of them.
We've been making merry with alcohol since the Stone Age.
You wouldn't recognise the stuff they drank, as it contained all sorts of strange substances, including narcotic herbs.
But the way alcohol is made has never really changed - it's all thanks to fermentation.
What's that? This is when the sugars in fruits, grains, potatoes, or even cactus are combined with water and yeast to form a mash.
Yeast is one of the 15,000 or so members of the bizarrely named "kingdom of fungi.
" It's a micro-organism and we exploit it to encourage chemical reactions in the making of things like bread and cheese.
Although I'm rather more interested in its boozy potential.
Cheers.
The yeast causes a chemical reaction, converting sugar molecules into ethanol-alcohol, and carbon dioxide - the bubbles.
With lots of booze, we let the bubbles out, but in lager and Champagne, they're trapped.
A bottle of bubbly contains millions of bubbles and exerts roughly three times more pressure than the air in a car tyre.
And it's thought that those tiny bubbles speed the flow of alcohol into your bloodstream.
If you want even more of a kick, you'll need one of these - a still.
Distillation starts by heating the fermented alcohol, causing it to boil.
Vapours then rise and are channelled into a condenser, where they cool back into a liquid with a much higher alcoholic content.
This stuff is like rocket fuel, so it has to be watered down again before it's even bottled, let alone drunk.
Alcohols are a family of different molecules.
Methanol is the toxic alcohol.
Methanol will make you blind.
Isopropanol.
This is commonly found as rubbing alcohol.
So when you look on the side of your whisky bottle and it gives you a percentage, that's the percentage of ethanol and that's the bit that makes you tipsy.
But whether you like your booze neat, fizzy, shaken or stirred, it's all just a chemical cocktail.
One of the other things alcohol does is give us a distorted notion of our own attractiveness.
And the false confidence to go and chat someone up.
Now, this may work out in your favour, but, of course, it may not.
So you should really consider alternative means of making yourself more appealing.
Maybe chemistry could help us here, too.
Can chemistry make me irresistible? One person you could have asked was a woman named Tapputi.
She was the first recorded chemist, living in 1200BC, and extracted perfumes from flowers, herbs, even animal glands, all designed to make people more desirable.
Today, we're able to synthetically mimic aromas, using complex chemical ingredients.
Smell and taste are both parts of the body's amazing ability to detect chemicals.
The receptors inside our noses respond to give rise to a signal and, in many cases, these compounds then smell pleasant to us.
You might think perfumes are all designed to mask your body odour, but researchers claim we subconsciously choose a scent that complements it.
Our natural odour contains pheromones - aromatic compounds released through sweat glands.
Pheromones have less to do with love per se, and more to do with your immune system.
Subconsciously, we're always on the lookout for someone whose immune system is different, because our offspring will inherit the best of both.
All this chemistry is happening at a molecular level.
But once the attraction becomes apparent, there are a few things you can do to heighten your chemical romance.
Number one, go diving for oysters.
They contain dopamine, which enhances your libido.
Two, gorge on bananas.
They contain zinc, said to increase sperm and testosterone production.
And three, keep a bottle of mouthwash handy.
Hydrogen sulfide lies on the back of your tongue and that's what gives you bad breath.
Mouthwash kills it off, using a variety of ingredients, such as hydrogen peroxide, menthol, and, my personal favourite, alkyletholbenzyldimemmo alkylbetholbenzyldimeldonium This fella, here.
That is a bit of a mouthful.
If all that's led you to the bedroom, and you're still in need of help, there's a little blue pill containing sildenafil citrate, which, well, keeps the blood flowing for longer.
But we'll leave that behind closed doors, shall we? But I wouldn't have to rely on fragrances and breath fresheners and aphrodisiacs if I were a billionaire, would I? HE CHUCKLES Fat chance of that happening Unless I could find a way to turn lead into gold.
Actually, chemists have been trying to do that for 2,000 years.
I wonder if any of them ever managed it! To look at them, one glitters, while the other one iswell, rather dull.
But gold and lead have some surprisingly similar qualities.
Both are heavy metals, and both are malleable, especially when heated, which may be why alchemists have tried throughout history to turn one into the other.
Without success.
Actually, many alchemists died as a result of breathing in poisonous fumes while trying to turn lead into gold.
And even the man who discovered gravity, Sir Isaac Newton, he dabbled in alchemy and he suffered mercury poisoning towards the end of his life as a result of his morechemical hobbies.
But in the 1970s, Russian scientists unexpectedly discovered that part of the lead shielding in their nuclear reactor had, astonishingly, turned into gold.
The secret, it seems, is radiation.
The atomic number of gold is 79, while lead is 82.
And if you zap lead with radiation, it causes an energy build-up, some of which has to be released.
The result is that lead loses some of its protons.
And if you're lucky, presto, you get gold! Sounds easy, but here's the catch.
The gold would be so radioactive, you'd be dead before you could bank it.
It turns out, though, we need gold for far more than just bling.
It's also a fantastic conductor and is found in all manner of electronic devices.
You have a cellphone, guess what? Your cellphone's full of gold.
Not enough to make a gold ring, but the circuits inside your cellphone are connected together with gold wire.
Gold is highly conductive.
It's able to give up its electrons and pass these electrons through the material so that it can conduct electric current.
And other metals are less good at that, because they hold on to their electrons more tightly.
Gold is expensive - can chemistry give us an answer? Chemistry can.
Now science is trying to use nanotechnology to manipulate the electrons on the surface of base metals, like lead, to make them behave like their precious counterparts.
It might not be exactly what the alchemists had in mind, but it's still lead into gold, sort of.
The other age-old quest those ancient alchemists were eternally pre-occupied with was to find the potion to give eternal life.
I wonder if chemistry could crack that nut as well! THIS is chemistry's holy grail - the elixir granting eternal youth.
Unfortunately, despite plenty of searching throughout the ages, we haven't found ityet.
But we have discovered chemicals that may help to keep death at bay for a little longer.
The goal is to extend life by repairing the damage that our cells are subjected to over time, which is the cause of dreaded old age.
One of the mechanisms of ageing is that the genes - part of your genetic code - as cells split and duplicate, the genes are transmitted from cell to cell, but they get shorter and shorter and shorter.
And over time, you can start to notice their effects.
And that's what we call ageing.
Among the most promising candidates found so far are sirtuin activators, proteins that trick the body into thinking it doesn't need any more calories.
So why is that a good thing? Well, these proteins can defend against a major contributor to cell damage - overeating.
When excess calories flood your system, it causes your cells to age at a faster rate.
But to the rescue comes red wine, full of a sirtuin activator called resveratrol, a chemical produced by the grapevine in times of starvation or stress.
And studies have found that resveratrol extends the life span of its test subjects, mice, by as much as 50%.
Which might explain why the French, for all their love of both rich food and red wine, still live as long as the rest of us.
Other anti-ageing remedies aren't quite so appealing, though.
Rapamycin, for example, is an anti-fungal agent found only in the soil on Easter Island.
And, supposedly, it can slow the ageing process.
Don't really fancy eating soil, though.
So enjoying a glass a day might actually keep the doctor away.
But don't overdo it.
Otherwise, it might be the booze that kills you.
Finding the elixir of eternal youth is unlikely to be something that happens in my lifetime.
But chemistry has always given us the power and the confidence to solve problems and even dream the impossible.
And you can rest assured that that's not likely to change.
And who knows? Maybe one day, they'll come up with a formula that helps us remember everything we learned in chemistry class.
I'd have some of that.