Just Good Friends (1983) s02e06 Episode Script
Pregnant?
1 What would you say If I told you things had never changed and We'll find a way To take our dreams and rearrange them? Who would believe That we could be in love again? So let's just pretend That you and me can be Just good friends - Interesting article? - Oh, hello, Mrs Beecham.
Er, no, no, it's nothing.
How are you? Oh, I'm over the carbuncle, now.
Whatever you do, Penny, never get a carbuncle.
- OK.
- It's worse than having a baby.
Really? Did you enjoy your holiday? - Yes.
It was lovely.
Thank you.
- And what about Alison? - Sorry? - Alison? Alison.
Alison who? Your friend.
The one your mother said you were going on holiday with.
Oh, that Alison! Oh, yes.
Alison seemed to enjoy herself.
Oh, good.
You're next, dear.
Hello, Penny.
Sit yourself down.
Thank you.
Now, just relax.
This isn't going to be painful.
I'm going to take an X-ray of that naughty one at the back.
- If you wouldn't mind, Marjorie? - Yes, of course.
Erm, can an X-ray harm a child? Child? What age? - Young.
- How young? Erm, very young, like, unborn? Oh.
Yes.
I don't think Er, don't bother with that.
I decided not to do the X-ray.
I see.
And will you be needing Miss Warrender's file? No.
No, no, no.
(High-pitched) All right, dear? Yes.
Fine, thank you.
- (Sighs) Hello.
- (Vince) I won't keep you.
Take your clothes off and lie on the couch.
Oh, it's you, Pen.
Are you OK? Vince, can we talk? Of course.
Hang on a minute.
What sort of day have you had? Rotten.
I had to go to the dentist this morning.
Oh, good, the new teeth have arrived.
Vince I'm pregnant.
Well, say something.
Congratulations.
- You still love me, don't you? - Yeah, yeah.
Look, Pen I'm totally confused.
The dentist told you you were pregnant? No.
On my way round here I popped into the doctor's.
- He told you? - Yes.
He didn't say, "You're expecting a baby.
" Not in so many words.
So what did he say? He said he'd get the results back in a couple of days.
We have got to rush out and buy nappies immediately, then? I don't need anyone to tell me.
A woman knows these things, she just knows.
You could be wrong, Pen.
Be fair, you've always been a panicker.
You thought you had shingles, turned out your jeans were too tight.
This hasn't been caused by tight jeans.
Could've been.
Please, be serious.
Well, you could be anaemic, Pen.
- Oh.
I am not anaemic.
- You're looking pale.
We're both looking pale, we've just found out we're pregnant.
Oh, you just don't understand.
I can sense life inside me.
Make one crack about worms and I'll I-I wasn't going to say anything, Pen.
Years ago, every single month you were like this.
We ended up on first-name terms with the manager of Mothercare.
- We invited him to the wedding.
- And he turned up.
- Don't bring that up.
- You don't realise how worried I am.
What happens if I have to have a caesarean? This is something else, this is.
You don't get the results and you're breastfeeding already! I came here for sympathy and support, and all I get is moronic wisecracks.
This could have been caused by something simple.
I was caused by something simple.
You! Take it easy, you've got to watch the old blood pressure.
- Gin and tonic? - Do you think I should? I think we both should.
Shall I run the hot bath? - What's that supposed to mean? - Why did you pour me a double gin? Because you're getting drunk for two now.
- This happens to be my drink.
- Oh.
Oh, I see.
Oh, look, Vince, we must stop bickering like this.
We've always had a stormy relationship, but I'll end up with morning seasickness! Right then, let's just try and look at the problem calmly and logically.
Although you can sense life and a woman knows these things, we ought to wait till we've had it confirmed by the experts.
No breaking the news to your mother just yet.
Ooh.
Oh, don't remind me.
I don't think I can tell her.
How can I say those words? There are other ways of letting her know, Pen.
We could send her a kissagram.
If it has to be said, let me tell her.
- I couldn't let you.
- Oh, go on.
Can I ask you something? Anything.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A spaceman.
This time it's the real thing? - I think so.
I'm almost positive.
- Did it happen on holiday? Hmm.
Most people come back with sombreros, but I have to be different, don't I? - I thought you were being careful.
- So did I.
I thought you were.
- Well, no.
- Why? - Well, because I thought you were.
- But I wasn't.
Well, I know that now! It's a total lack of communication.
From where I'm standing, I think we communicated a little too well.
- It's not the end of the world.
- Not for you, maybe.
My firm have offered me a business training course with one of their associate companies in Europe.
It's the chance of a lifetime.
You go, I'll look after the kid.
Don't be ridiculous.
How could you? I'll want a crèche in the betting shop.
How will they feel about me being an unmarried mother? You won't be an unmarried, mother, you're still married to Graham.
- Was that a joke? - Actually, yes.
I didn't find it at all amusing.
Have you any idea how this could affect my divorce? What would Graham do if he were to find out? Just deny it.
Deny it? By the time I walk into that courtroom, I'll look like a Mr Man.
- Come on, it's only in two weeks.
- Yes, but Well, I might carry at the front.
Don't laugh at me, you ratfink.
What are we going to do? If the worst comes to the worst, I suppose I'll have to marry you.
Oh, yes, Vince.
I accept.
How could any girl say no to a proposal like that? - Swept of your feet, eh? - Oh! Utterly.
Would the guests know why we were getting married? No, as long as we don't put a pram on our wedding list.
Tell me something good that's going to happen.
Cheer me up.
My parents have invited for dinner tomorrow night.
I must come up with something better.
You won't tell them? - Of course I won't.
- Make sure you don't.
Oh, Vince, I'm frightened.
Hey, come on, Pen.
Everything's going to be all right.
My mother's heavy going, but she's a good cook.
Oh! I'm not talking about having dinner at your parents' house, I'm frightened of the future, of going into labour.
Short, sharp breaths, Pen.
That's the secret.
Will you be with me? - Where? - At the hospital.
Oh, I'll be there, Pen.
I'll be just outside that door.
Outside? But don't you want to see the birth? No, that's all right.
I want you with me, I want to feel your hand in mine.
Pen, you won't be able to feel my hand in yours, you'll be in too much pain.
(Sighs) Aah! Where's Princess Penelope, then? Reet's showing her around the garden.
What do you mean, "Princess Penelope"? - You got too much mouth, Clifford.
- Well, all that (Posh accent) "Isn't it absolutely divine? "I just love the cut-glass figurine of Eddie Cochran.
So sweet.
" I'll tell the old man you've broken his cassette.
- I didn't touch it.
- You were fiddling with it.
The tapes all mangled up.
If you tell him I done it, he's going to blame me.
Then leave Penny alone.
Right, want a drink, son? - I've helped myself.
- Thought you might.
Ah! You read them brochures I brought in for you, Clifford? I don't want to join the Navy.
Why not? It's a good life.
See the world while you're young enough.
With a bit of luck, you could end up like Prince Andrew.
What, captain? No, a decoy for Exocet missiles.
Dad, any any chance of a quiet word? - What do you want? - Well, it's a bit, you know - Clifford, go break something.
- Why can't I listen? If your brother has a problem, it's either illegal or immoral.
- How am I ever going to learn? - Move before you get a wallop! Right, what's your problem? Well, it's Penny.
It looks as if she's been and got herself pregnant.
- Well, there's a clever boy.
- It weren't my fault.
No, of course not, you was just playing leap frog.
It wasn't all my fault.
It takes two to tango.
You should have stuck with a gentleman's excuse me, son, then you wouldn't be in this mess.
- So, what are you going to do? - I'll do the decent thing.
Well, well, well.
There's a first time for everything.
Are you telling me to get it off your chest or was there something else? Well, when Reet was having me, were there any signs? Yeah.
She had a big lump out here.
No, I mean in the early stages.
Did she behave in an odd way? I don't know, boy.
It's difficult to tell with your mother.
- Did you hear any of that? - No, nothing at all.
You better not have done.
I've been showing Penny our new multi-coloured luminous waterfall.
Yes, it's very erm different.
Have you seen it, Vince? It made me feel sick.
He's got no taste.
Takes after Les in lots of ways.
I'll go and check dinner.
It smells delicious.
It's a little speciality of my own, I call it Chicken Rita.
(Chuckles) Chicken Rita.
Sounds like one of Kunte Kinte's old flames, don't it? You were going to tell your mother I'm vegetarian.
She's going to open a tin of peas for you.
Clean them off before you put them in the dishwasher, babe.
There you go.
Help yourselves.
Do us a sherry, Les.
You're supposed to have sherry before the meal, Reet.
I can't be doing with all that rubbish.
Have what you want when you fancy it, that's what I say.
You're like me in that respect.
Yeah.
- Your mum likes a bit of etiquette.
- Yes, I suppose she does.
I'll never forget that meal just before your wedding You little sod.
Daphne went Daphne went on and on about them asparagus spears.
Got on my nerves, in the end.
"You're supposed to eat this and leave that.
" I said, "Daphne, I eat the lot, to show I'm not ignorant.
" (Plate smashing) Love him.
Did you enjoy the meal? Thank you, it was very nice.
I didn't know what to get you, we don't know much about weirdo food, do we, Les? No.
Did you clear up? Yeah.
But it weren't my fault.
No one's blaming you, Cliffy.
Sit down, babe.
- Penelope? - Yes, Clifford.
I don't know if you'd be interested, but my mate's sister's got a cot for sale.
- Go away, you horrible boy.
- What's all this, then? It's him.
He's been earwigging again.
How many times have I got to tell you not to Oh, darling! Oh, no.
- Is it true? - I don't know, I think so.
Oh, Les, our first grandchild.
Nothing's certain, so don't go jumping the gun.
Oh, no, I'm certain.
A woman knows.
In the garden I could see it in her face, she had a glow.
I put it down to a reflection from the luminous waterfall, but now I know it was the glow of motherhood.
- See what you've started now? - I didn't do nothing.
No, no, be fair.
It might be a worrying time for you and Pen, but it's an historic occasion for your mum and me.
I feel like crying.
Yeah, well go and look at your new cassette, then.
- How long over are you? - Reet! I'm not sure, I don't get the results until tomorrow.
If you want any help, any advice, you know where to come.
I've been through it all, darling.
Baby at 16, married at 17, there's nothing I couldn't tell you.
Stitches.
Don't talk to me about stitches, hey, Les? No.
The doctor said, "Miss Maynard, "you've got more stitches than a made-to-measure suit.
" Didn't he? Yeah.
I had Vincey on the National Health.
Cliffy was private.
Different story altogether, like invisible mending, weren't it? - Yeah.
- You going private? I hadn't thought about it.
Go private, darling, you won't regret it.
- Les will treat you, won't you, Les? - Yeah, of course.
And don't have one of them daft natural births, you get all the drugs you can.
Now, I know this is in the future, but the moment your water breaks you phone me.
- Oh, shut up, Reet.
- It's getting a bit much! Go in the other room and have a brandy, this is women's talk.
I don't care what the modern doctors say, the only real way of telling is when your water breaks.
My water broke in Sainsbury's, didn't it, Les? They wheeled me to the ambulance in a shopping trolley, didn't they? - Yeah.
- Give it a rest, Reet.
You make it sound like the flight plans for the Dambusters.
You men just don't understand.
Does Daphne know yet? - No.
No.
- I bet she'll be over the moon.
- Don't you go phoning her.
- Of course not.
I wouldn't spoil that magical moment between mother and daughter.
- Get the champagne, Les.
- Right.
I'll get some glasses.
If it's a girl, will you call her Falon? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Our first grandchild.
Nosey little sod! Les! Where's them glasses I got in Miami? (Closing and chaining door) Hello, Mummy.
Couldn't you sleep? No.
Oh.
Shall I get you a cup of warm mi? Mrs Beecham came round earlier.
She brought you a present.
Really? What? A christening shawl.
- Wasn't that nice of her? - I wonder why she brought me that? Because she's a wicked, spiteful woman.
She kept going on about how delighted Daddy and I must be.
I had to pretend.
I told her you and Graham had patched things up.
- What did Daddy say? - I haven't told him yet.
(Sighs) Thank you.
When did it happen? When you were on holiday in the Algarve? That will teach you to go to Portugal.
Oh, why didn't you tell me, why did you let me find out like this? Because I'm not 100% certain, I mean, it could be a false alarm.
You should've told me.
Mummy, be a bit silly if I came to you every time I had You mean this is a regular occurrence? No, I mean I mean, I have been a married woman.
You still are a married woman.
How is Graham going to feel about this? I don't care how Graham feels about anything.
Oh, that's the thanks he gets, the man who's given you everything from happiness to a divorce? That's Thing's influence.
The name Vincent Pinner will live in my nightmares till my dying day - I take it that it is - Don't even ask! I won't.
I don't need to.
Am I the first to know? That is, apart from Marjorie Beecham and the entire Women's Guild.
Of course you are.
Well, obviously I had to tell Dr Ellis and yes, Vince knows.
Hm, naturally.
But apart from them, you're the first.
Oh, I told the the dentist.
You told the dentist? What about the chiropodist and the optician, or aren't you talking to them? It's a pity we haven't got a dog, you could have told the vet.
I had to tell him.
- He wanted to take an X-ray.
- So? X-ray's can cause abnormalities in an unborn child.
Seeing who the father is, I shouldn't think you'd notice.
What exactly is that supposed to mean? Oh, Penny! Just look at that family.
They're not exactly purebred stock, are they? Their bloodline hovers between illegal immigrants and Didikais.
There's no telling what throwback you might produce.
Mummy, I refuse to listen to any more of your rantings.
Oh, no, now you sit down.
I haven't finished with you yet.
It's a pity you didn't listen to my rantings in the past.
I'll phone those Pinners and tell them what their offspring has done.
- They already know.
- Oh, the Pinners know as well? I didn't need Marjorie, I could have read it in tomorrow's Telegraph.
How did they take the news? - They seemed pleased.
- Pleased? Yes, well, they would be, wouldn't they? Morals of alley cats.
Didn't you see that newsflash tonight? Queen Victoria's dead.
Oh, I see.
My morals aren't modern enough for you, is that it? I'm not hip.
Perhaps Daddy and I should take to smoking cannabis resin.
Perhaps we should start the Chipping Ongar branch of the Sid Vicious Remembrance Society.
Penny! Attitudes to this sort of thing don't change.
Oh, but they do.
You're just old-fashioned.
The best thing would be for me to go and live at Vince's flat.
No, don't do that, I couldn't bear the idea of you being lonely.
Lonely? What do you mean, lonely? You don't think he's going to stand by you? No, I don't think he'll stand by me, I know he will.
Don't kid yourself, he'll be off at the first sign of backache.
I'll get a place of my own, I'm old enough to look after myself.
No, you're not.
Nobody is, I don't even want you to think of living alone.
Oh, stay here with Daddy and me, it will all be all right.
I shall be moving out just as soon as I can.
Penny, sit down, I want to talk to you.
Many years ago, when I was 18 Well, not many years ago.
there was a girl, who lived in the same road as me, we were the same age.
She was an attractive girl, as I remember.
She met a chap and they started seeing one another.
He said he loved her and she believed him.
They used to talk about their future together.
Houses, dreams, you know? And then she discovered she was carrying his child.
Her family disowned her, the neighbours shunned her, even her best friend called her a trollop.
And the man who said he loved her disappeared.
She had to move out.
Live in a tiny bedsit.
So, what happened to her, and the baby? She miscarried.
Lost it.
Years later, she married a decent chap, she has a small family of her own now.
But, as you say, attitudes have probably changed.
They have.
Yes.
Anything you need.
Anything at all.
I know.
Thank you.
Mummy? That girl you've just been telling me about, it was you, wasn't it? It most certainly was not! Her name was Eileen Fenwick.
I was her best friend, the trollop! Excuse me.
No smoking.
I'm not smoking.
You have a cigarette in your mouth.
I have shoes on my feet, but I'm not walking.
Vince, sh! Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm just a bit nervous, that's all.
Just calm down, will you? I'm always like this when I'm waiting for the results.
Try to relax, please.
You're used to this sort of thing? No, not these kind of results.
I had to have some tests done.
Why? What's wrong with you? I had a bad chest, that's when I gave up smoking.
Oh.
Oh yes.
Mummy told me a story last night.
She'll never let you grow up.
Not a bedtime story, zonko.
It was about this girl she used to know years ago.
The man she was seeing got her into trouble and then left her.
She lost her baby, lying all alone in some tiny bedsit, far away from her family and friends.
Your mother knows some real belters, doesn't she? I know it's silly, but I lay awake most of the night thinking about it.
Oh, Vince, if I am, will I see you again? (Groans) Mmm, sorry.
You still don't trust me.
Of course I trust you, you know I trust you, I just thought I'd ask, that's all.
(Buzzer) Er, Ms Warrender, the doctor will see you now.
Oh.
Wish me luck.
I love you.
Well? Can we speak privately? What did he say? I'm not.
It was a false alarm.
- You're kidding? - No, honestly.
- Cross my heart and everything else.
- What about the? Er, it appears I'm slightly anaemic.
- I said that.
- Yes, you did, didn't you, know-all? It's got something to do with me being vegetarian, I'm not getting the right vitamins.
I have to take great big capsules.
Oh, I don't care if they're the size of oranges.
Are you happy? Not many, Penny.
Look, shall we go somewhere and celebrate? Mmm! Please.
I'll get my coat.
Er, no, no, it's nothing.
How are you? Oh, I'm over the carbuncle, now.
Whatever you do, Penny, never get a carbuncle.
- OK.
- It's worse than having a baby.
Really? Did you enjoy your holiday? - Yes.
It was lovely.
Thank you.
- And what about Alison? - Sorry? - Alison? Alison.
Alison who? Your friend.
The one your mother said you were going on holiday with.
Oh, that Alison! Oh, yes.
Alison seemed to enjoy herself.
Oh, good.
You're next, dear.
Hello, Penny.
Sit yourself down.
Thank you.
Now, just relax.
This isn't going to be painful.
I'm going to take an X-ray of that naughty one at the back.
- If you wouldn't mind, Marjorie? - Yes, of course.
Erm, can an X-ray harm a child? Child? What age? - Young.
- How young? Erm, very young, like, unborn? Oh.
Yes.
I don't think Er, don't bother with that.
I decided not to do the X-ray.
I see.
And will you be needing Miss Warrender's file? No.
No, no, no.
(High-pitched) All right, dear? Yes.
Fine, thank you.
- (Sighs) Hello.
- (Vince) I won't keep you.
Take your clothes off and lie on the couch.
Oh, it's you, Pen.
Are you OK? Vince, can we talk? Of course.
Hang on a minute.
What sort of day have you had? Rotten.
I had to go to the dentist this morning.
Oh, good, the new teeth have arrived.
Vince I'm pregnant.
Well, say something.
Congratulations.
- You still love me, don't you? - Yeah, yeah.
Look, Pen I'm totally confused.
The dentist told you you were pregnant? No.
On my way round here I popped into the doctor's.
- He told you? - Yes.
He didn't say, "You're expecting a baby.
" Not in so many words.
So what did he say? He said he'd get the results back in a couple of days.
We have got to rush out and buy nappies immediately, then? I don't need anyone to tell me.
A woman knows these things, she just knows.
You could be wrong, Pen.
Be fair, you've always been a panicker.
You thought you had shingles, turned out your jeans were too tight.
This hasn't been caused by tight jeans.
Could've been.
Please, be serious.
Well, you could be anaemic, Pen.
- Oh.
I am not anaemic.
- You're looking pale.
We're both looking pale, we've just found out we're pregnant.
Oh, you just don't understand.
I can sense life inside me.
Make one crack about worms and I'll I-I wasn't going to say anything, Pen.
Years ago, every single month you were like this.
We ended up on first-name terms with the manager of Mothercare.
- We invited him to the wedding.
- And he turned up.
- Don't bring that up.
- You don't realise how worried I am.
What happens if I have to have a caesarean? This is something else, this is.
You don't get the results and you're breastfeeding already! I came here for sympathy and support, and all I get is moronic wisecracks.
This could have been caused by something simple.
I was caused by something simple.
You! Take it easy, you've got to watch the old blood pressure.
- Gin and tonic? - Do you think I should? I think we both should.
Shall I run the hot bath? - What's that supposed to mean? - Why did you pour me a double gin? Because you're getting drunk for two now.
- This happens to be my drink.
- Oh.
Oh, I see.
Oh, look, Vince, we must stop bickering like this.
We've always had a stormy relationship, but I'll end up with morning seasickness! Right then, let's just try and look at the problem calmly and logically.
Although you can sense life and a woman knows these things, we ought to wait till we've had it confirmed by the experts.
No breaking the news to your mother just yet.
Ooh.
Oh, don't remind me.
I don't think I can tell her.
How can I say those words? There are other ways of letting her know, Pen.
We could send her a kissagram.
If it has to be said, let me tell her.
- I couldn't let you.
- Oh, go on.
Can I ask you something? Anything.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A spaceman.
This time it's the real thing? - I think so.
I'm almost positive.
- Did it happen on holiday? Hmm.
Most people come back with sombreros, but I have to be different, don't I? - I thought you were being careful.
- So did I.
I thought you were.
- Well, no.
- Why? - Well, because I thought you were.
- But I wasn't.
Well, I know that now! It's a total lack of communication.
From where I'm standing, I think we communicated a little too well.
- It's not the end of the world.
- Not for you, maybe.
My firm have offered me a business training course with one of their associate companies in Europe.
It's the chance of a lifetime.
You go, I'll look after the kid.
Don't be ridiculous.
How could you? I'll want a crèche in the betting shop.
How will they feel about me being an unmarried mother? You won't be an unmarried, mother, you're still married to Graham.
- Was that a joke? - Actually, yes.
I didn't find it at all amusing.
Have you any idea how this could affect my divorce? What would Graham do if he were to find out? Just deny it.
Deny it? By the time I walk into that courtroom, I'll look like a Mr Man.
- Come on, it's only in two weeks.
- Yes, but Well, I might carry at the front.
Don't laugh at me, you ratfink.
What are we going to do? If the worst comes to the worst, I suppose I'll have to marry you.
Oh, yes, Vince.
I accept.
How could any girl say no to a proposal like that? - Swept of your feet, eh? - Oh! Utterly.
Would the guests know why we were getting married? No, as long as we don't put a pram on our wedding list.
Tell me something good that's going to happen.
Cheer me up.
My parents have invited for dinner tomorrow night.
I must come up with something better.
You won't tell them? - Of course I won't.
- Make sure you don't.
Oh, Vince, I'm frightened.
Hey, come on, Pen.
Everything's going to be all right.
My mother's heavy going, but she's a good cook.
Oh! I'm not talking about having dinner at your parents' house, I'm frightened of the future, of going into labour.
Short, sharp breaths, Pen.
That's the secret.
Will you be with me? - Where? - At the hospital.
Oh, I'll be there, Pen.
I'll be just outside that door.
Outside? But don't you want to see the birth? No, that's all right.
I want you with me, I want to feel your hand in mine.
Pen, you won't be able to feel my hand in yours, you'll be in too much pain.
(Sighs) Aah! Where's Princess Penelope, then? Reet's showing her around the garden.
What do you mean, "Princess Penelope"? - You got too much mouth, Clifford.
- Well, all that (Posh accent) "Isn't it absolutely divine? "I just love the cut-glass figurine of Eddie Cochran.
So sweet.
" I'll tell the old man you've broken his cassette.
- I didn't touch it.
- You were fiddling with it.
The tapes all mangled up.
If you tell him I done it, he's going to blame me.
Then leave Penny alone.
Right, want a drink, son? - I've helped myself.
- Thought you might.
Ah! You read them brochures I brought in for you, Clifford? I don't want to join the Navy.
Why not? It's a good life.
See the world while you're young enough.
With a bit of luck, you could end up like Prince Andrew.
What, captain? No, a decoy for Exocet missiles.
Dad, any any chance of a quiet word? - What do you want? - Well, it's a bit, you know - Clifford, go break something.
- Why can't I listen? If your brother has a problem, it's either illegal or immoral.
- How am I ever going to learn? - Move before you get a wallop! Right, what's your problem? Well, it's Penny.
It looks as if she's been and got herself pregnant.
- Well, there's a clever boy.
- It weren't my fault.
No, of course not, you was just playing leap frog.
It wasn't all my fault.
It takes two to tango.
You should have stuck with a gentleman's excuse me, son, then you wouldn't be in this mess.
- So, what are you going to do? - I'll do the decent thing.
Well, well, well.
There's a first time for everything.
Are you telling me to get it off your chest or was there something else? Well, when Reet was having me, were there any signs? Yeah.
She had a big lump out here.
No, I mean in the early stages.
Did she behave in an odd way? I don't know, boy.
It's difficult to tell with your mother.
- Did you hear any of that? - No, nothing at all.
You better not have done.
I've been showing Penny our new multi-coloured luminous waterfall.
Yes, it's very erm different.
Have you seen it, Vince? It made me feel sick.
He's got no taste.
Takes after Les in lots of ways.
I'll go and check dinner.
It smells delicious.
It's a little speciality of my own, I call it Chicken Rita.
(Chuckles) Chicken Rita.
Sounds like one of Kunte Kinte's old flames, don't it? You were going to tell your mother I'm vegetarian.
She's going to open a tin of peas for you.
Clean them off before you put them in the dishwasher, babe.
There you go.
Help yourselves.
Do us a sherry, Les.
You're supposed to have sherry before the meal, Reet.
I can't be doing with all that rubbish.
Have what you want when you fancy it, that's what I say.
You're like me in that respect.
Yeah.
- Your mum likes a bit of etiquette.
- Yes, I suppose she does.
I'll never forget that meal just before your wedding You little sod.
Daphne went Daphne went on and on about them asparagus spears.
Got on my nerves, in the end.
"You're supposed to eat this and leave that.
" I said, "Daphne, I eat the lot, to show I'm not ignorant.
" (Plate smashing) Love him.
Did you enjoy the meal? Thank you, it was very nice.
I didn't know what to get you, we don't know much about weirdo food, do we, Les? No.
Did you clear up? Yeah.
But it weren't my fault.
No one's blaming you, Cliffy.
Sit down, babe.
- Penelope? - Yes, Clifford.
I don't know if you'd be interested, but my mate's sister's got a cot for sale.
- Go away, you horrible boy.
- What's all this, then? It's him.
He's been earwigging again.
How many times have I got to tell you not to Oh, darling! Oh, no.
- Is it true? - I don't know, I think so.
Oh, Les, our first grandchild.
Nothing's certain, so don't go jumping the gun.
Oh, no, I'm certain.
A woman knows.
In the garden I could see it in her face, she had a glow.
I put it down to a reflection from the luminous waterfall, but now I know it was the glow of motherhood.
- See what you've started now? - I didn't do nothing.
No, no, be fair.
It might be a worrying time for you and Pen, but it's an historic occasion for your mum and me.
I feel like crying.
Yeah, well go and look at your new cassette, then.
- How long over are you? - Reet! I'm not sure, I don't get the results until tomorrow.
If you want any help, any advice, you know where to come.
I've been through it all, darling.
Baby at 16, married at 17, there's nothing I couldn't tell you.
Stitches.
Don't talk to me about stitches, hey, Les? No.
The doctor said, "Miss Maynard, "you've got more stitches than a made-to-measure suit.
" Didn't he? Yeah.
I had Vincey on the National Health.
Cliffy was private.
Different story altogether, like invisible mending, weren't it? - Yeah.
- You going private? I hadn't thought about it.
Go private, darling, you won't regret it.
- Les will treat you, won't you, Les? - Yeah, of course.
And don't have one of them daft natural births, you get all the drugs you can.
Now, I know this is in the future, but the moment your water breaks you phone me.
- Oh, shut up, Reet.
- It's getting a bit much! Go in the other room and have a brandy, this is women's talk.
I don't care what the modern doctors say, the only real way of telling is when your water breaks.
My water broke in Sainsbury's, didn't it, Les? They wheeled me to the ambulance in a shopping trolley, didn't they? - Yeah.
- Give it a rest, Reet.
You make it sound like the flight plans for the Dambusters.
You men just don't understand.
Does Daphne know yet? - No.
No.
- I bet she'll be over the moon.
- Don't you go phoning her.
- Of course not.
I wouldn't spoil that magical moment between mother and daughter.
- Get the champagne, Les.
- Right.
I'll get some glasses.
If it's a girl, will you call her Falon? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Our first grandchild.
Nosey little sod! Les! Where's them glasses I got in Miami? (Closing and chaining door) Hello, Mummy.
Couldn't you sleep? No.
Oh.
Shall I get you a cup of warm mi? Mrs Beecham came round earlier.
She brought you a present.
Really? What? A christening shawl.
- Wasn't that nice of her? - I wonder why she brought me that? Because she's a wicked, spiteful woman.
She kept going on about how delighted Daddy and I must be.
I had to pretend.
I told her you and Graham had patched things up.
- What did Daddy say? - I haven't told him yet.
(Sighs) Thank you.
When did it happen? When you were on holiday in the Algarve? That will teach you to go to Portugal.
Oh, why didn't you tell me, why did you let me find out like this? Because I'm not 100% certain, I mean, it could be a false alarm.
You should've told me.
Mummy, be a bit silly if I came to you every time I had You mean this is a regular occurrence? No, I mean I mean, I have been a married woman.
You still are a married woman.
How is Graham going to feel about this? I don't care how Graham feels about anything.
Oh, that's the thanks he gets, the man who's given you everything from happiness to a divorce? That's Thing's influence.
The name Vincent Pinner will live in my nightmares till my dying day - I take it that it is - Don't even ask! I won't.
I don't need to.
Am I the first to know? That is, apart from Marjorie Beecham and the entire Women's Guild.
Of course you are.
Well, obviously I had to tell Dr Ellis and yes, Vince knows.
Hm, naturally.
But apart from them, you're the first.
Oh, I told the the dentist.
You told the dentist? What about the chiropodist and the optician, or aren't you talking to them? It's a pity we haven't got a dog, you could have told the vet.
I had to tell him.
- He wanted to take an X-ray.
- So? X-ray's can cause abnormalities in an unborn child.
Seeing who the father is, I shouldn't think you'd notice.
What exactly is that supposed to mean? Oh, Penny! Just look at that family.
They're not exactly purebred stock, are they? Their bloodline hovers between illegal immigrants and Didikais.
There's no telling what throwback you might produce.
Mummy, I refuse to listen to any more of your rantings.
Oh, no, now you sit down.
I haven't finished with you yet.
It's a pity you didn't listen to my rantings in the past.
I'll phone those Pinners and tell them what their offspring has done.
- They already know.
- Oh, the Pinners know as well? I didn't need Marjorie, I could have read it in tomorrow's Telegraph.
How did they take the news? - They seemed pleased.
- Pleased? Yes, well, they would be, wouldn't they? Morals of alley cats.
Didn't you see that newsflash tonight? Queen Victoria's dead.
Oh, I see.
My morals aren't modern enough for you, is that it? I'm not hip.
Perhaps Daddy and I should take to smoking cannabis resin.
Perhaps we should start the Chipping Ongar branch of the Sid Vicious Remembrance Society.
Penny! Attitudes to this sort of thing don't change.
Oh, but they do.
You're just old-fashioned.
The best thing would be for me to go and live at Vince's flat.
No, don't do that, I couldn't bear the idea of you being lonely.
Lonely? What do you mean, lonely? You don't think he's going to stand by you? No, I don't think he'll stand by me, I know he will.
Don't kid yourself, he'll be off at the first sign of backache.
I'll get a place of my own, I'm old enough to look after myself.
No, you're not.
Nobody is, I don't even want you to think of living alone.
Oh, stay here with Daddy and me, it will all be all right.
I shall be moving out just as soon as I can.
Penny, sit down, I want to talk to you.
Many years ago, when I was 18 Well, not many years ago.
there was a girl, who lived in the same road as me, we were the same age.
She was an attractive girl, as I remember.
She met a chap and they started seeing one another.
He said he loved her and she believed him.
They used to talk about their future together.
Houses, dreams, you know? And then she discovered she was carrying his child.
Her family disowned her, the neighbours shunned her, even her best friend called her a trollop.
And the man who said he loved her disappeared.
She had to move out.
Live in a tiny bedsit.
So, what happened to her, and the baby? She miscarried.
Lost it.
Years later, she married a decent chap, she has a small family of her own now.
But, as you say, attitudes have probably changed.
They have.
Yes.
Anything you need.
Anything at all.
I know.
Thank you.
Mummy? That girl you've just been telling me about, it was you, wasn't it? It most certainly was not! Her name was Eileen Fenwick.
I was her best friend, the trollop! Excuse me.
No smoking.
I'm not smoking.
You have a cigarette in your mouth.
I have shoes on my feet, but I'm not walking.
Vince, sh! Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm just a bit nervous, that's all.
Just calm down, will you? I'm always like this when I'm waiting for the results.
Try to relax, please.
You're used to this sort of thing? No, not these kind of results.
I had to have some tests done.
Why? What's wrong with you? I had a bad chest, that's when I gave up smoking.
Oh.
Oh yes.
Mummy told me a story last night.
She'll never let you grow up.
Not a bedtime story, zonko.
It was about this girl she used to know years ago.
The man she was seeing got her into trouble and then left her.
She lost her baby, lying all alone in some tiny bedsit, far away from her family and friends.
Your mother knows some real belters, doesn't she? I know it's silly, but I lay awake most of the night thinking about it.
Oh, Vince, if I am, will I see you again? (Groans) Mmm, sorry.
You still don't trust me.
Of course I trust you, you know I trust you, I just thought I'd ask, that's all.
(Buzzer) Er, Ms Warrender, the doctor will see you now.
Oh.
Wish me luck.
I love you.
Well? Can we speak privately? What did he say? I'm not.
It was a false alarm.
- You're kidding? - No, honestly.
- Cross my heart and everything else.
- What about the? Er, it appears I'm slightly anaemic.
- I said that.
- Yes, you did, didn't you, know-all? It's got something to do with me being vegetarian, I'm not getting the right vitamins.
I have to take great big capsules.
Oh, I don't care if they're the size of oranges.
Are you happy? Not many, Penny.
Look, shall we go somewhere and celebrate? Mmm! Please.
I'll get my coat.