Kickin' It (2011) s02e06 Episode Script

Does your hummus smell worse than it normally does? It's not the hummus.
It's coming from him.
That's my new cogngne.
It's called "Impurity.
" - Aah, hey! - Whoa, dude! Check it out.
Swathmore academy students.
Perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect teeth-- Perfectly disgusting.
They must have finally realized Phil makes the best falafel in town.
Put it in a doggie bag, you.
It's for our dogs.
Can you imagine? He thought we were going to eat this.
What's next-- should we go bathe In the mall fountain? Oh, uh, not-- not from 3:00 to 4:00.
That's Jerry time.
Hello, Jerry.
I wish I could stay, But my poor pug is starving.
Woof.
"My poor pug is starving.
" "Woof.
" Who talks like that? Unfortunately, no one I know.
They think they're so much better than us just because they go to a private school.
Well, we are eating their dog food.
And they're a week away from showing us up again during seaford on parade.
You know, I thought our float last year was a winner.
It was ernie the janitor sitting in a shopping cart with a tube sock on his head.
Winner.
I don't know why they always win the float competition.
I mean, what was so impressive about their giant space shuttle last year? It flew.
Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me And we could have a ball,run up the wall That's just how we do And no matter how much I chop and punch It's not as cool as kickin' it with you Here we go,let's start the party Chop it up like it's karate Everybody Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me And we could have a ball,run up the wall That's just how we do And no matter how much I chop and punch It's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Guess what guys.
I was selected to be the head of the float committee because I am the only person who even has a chance of pulling it off.
no one else wanted the job, did they? No, they did not.
It's already seaford on parade? I hate this time of year.
What's wrong with seaford on parade? this is the week where the whole town is reminded of the horrible thing I let happen.
The year was 1996.
- Oh, no.
- Yep.
Here we go.
I was proudly pushing the seaford float down the street.
My theme-- the mighty lentil, In honor of seaford's number one crop.
I love a good lentil story.
Out of nowhere, ten-- nay! attacked me, led by Teddy Kavanagh.
Oh, I fought back.
But when the dust settled, the seaford high flag was gone and my lentil had been violated.
Our flag has been held captive by swathmore ever since.
Rudy, that happened a long time ago.
You're an adult now.
Just go over there and get it back.
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
I am gonna March right over to swathmore academy And get back what teddy kavanagh took from me.
Do you have any more good lentil stories? Hundreds.
Here are my top five.
Oh, no.
Not again.
Ladies, ladies.
Me, me.
Thank you.
One of you lucky lasses will be crowned the pearl of seaford.
During the parade, you will ride in regal splendor in this big plastic clam.
Ha ha! That's right.
This will be some special lady's throne, hmm? This thing is soaking wet.
Gross! Cat pee! Eww! Sweaty girl in her pajamas just bumped into me.
Sorry, I was distracted by the giant toilet seat.
That is the clam for the pearl of seaford pageant.
Whatever.
Too bad they don't have something for you plain seaford high girls.
Excuse me? You're not beauty pageant material.
You're what we call Not beauty pageant material.
Really? Well.
Maybe it's time for one of us plain seaford high girls to be the pearl.
Never happening, hon.
No seaford high girl will ever know the pleasures of sitting in that clam.
- We'll see about that.
- Oh, yes, we will.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Oh! Oh, my! no, I don't believe it! That seaford high girl is getting all up in our clamshell! Yes, I could get used to this.
I feel like a real princess.
Why is this wet? Oh-- oh! Aah! Aah! Oh, my g-- Ohh! Mighty polo mallets, what happened?! There was all these kids, And they were just-- Earthquake.
Wait a minute.
Teddy Kavanagh? You're the headmaster of swathmore? Oh, I remember you.
You were the little lentil boy.
What was-- Rudy tootie fresh and fruity.
I just go by Rudy now.
Oh, I've heard you've done well.
Teaching jazzercise in a strip mall, isn't it? Actually, I teach karate.
I'm a third-degree black belt and there's a flavor named after me at the fro-yo den.
What's it called? Rudy tootie fresh and fruity.
Mm Look, 16 years ago, you had your fun and you took the seaford high flag.
And-- and I'm here because I want it back.
I'm daffy for taffy.
Rudy You're never getting that flag.
When I took it, seaford high officially became the home of the losers.
Fine.
I'll leave.
But there is something you should know.
I'm the one who pulled down your curtains, spilled your ink, and broke your swingy ball thingy.
Ha ha! Uh, do you validate parking? Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Turn around.
Oh, sweetie, wronger.
What were you thinking when you put on that abomination? My aunt loaned me this dress.
Let me say this as delicately as I can Your aunt does not love you.
You know, the pageant's a pretty big deal this year.
The winner gets a crown and gets to go to England to represent seaford for a month.
I don't care about crowns or England.
I just want to wipe that smug smirk off of Claire's face.
Farm girl-- You want to win, this is what you do.
Get yourself over to gown depot.
Talk to Georgio, tell him I sent you, and that you need The disaster package.
Make it work, Kimberly.
I don't need you or Georgio's help.
Give me that.
Jack, this float thing is killing me.
I don't have a theme.
I'm blocked.
I'm freaking out, man! - I'm freaking out! - Eddie.
Eddie, man, just calm down.
We'll help you come up with an idea.
Right, guys? Yeah, let's just do a little free association.
You know, spitball.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that may work.
Uh, why don't you guys just say the first word that pops into your head when I say Seaford.
- Seaford! - No, no.
It can't be seaford.
- Any word but-- - but.
No, no.
Dude, just say what pops into your-- Pops! Keep 'em coming, man.
I'm in the zone.
Forget it.
Believe that? Try and help a guy.
Kavanagh wouldn't even validate my parking - Rudy! - Hey.
How'd it go over at swathmore? Actually, it's a-- it's a funny story.
I, uh-- I went down there and-- This is totally going to make you laugh.
Um The kid who took the flag is now the headmaster.
It's funny, huh? It's funny! So you asked for the flag back and he said no? Yeah.
Not only that-- But he said when he took the flag Seaford high officially became the home of the losers.
You know what-- that's it.
If they won't give us our flag back, We're gonna take it.
Then you know what you guys could do-- You could climb up on that general swathmore statue in front of the library and put a big bra on it.
And one of those adulty diapers on the horse.
wouldn't that be so Wouldn't that-- diaper in the-- or you guys could just go get the flag back.
You know it will be a lot easier if we had Eddie and Kim here to help us find the flag.
Nah, Kim's building a float for the parade and Eddie's in the pearl of seaford pageant.
No, wait.
Swap 'em.
Now we just have to blend in.
Put these caramel jolly whoppers in your mouth and bite down.
They'll make our teeth stick together and we'll sound just like 'em.
- What? - How is biting down on some candy gonna make us sound-- oh.
Oh.
Oh, it totally works.
Milton, you're a genius.
And I said, "Pull over, daddums, "I will not be caught dead in a white ferrari after memorial day.
" Seriously.
What it do, girl? Hey, let's split up and find our flag.
Just don't draw any attention to yourselves.
- Let's go.
- Okay, cool.
Jerry, is that you? huh? No.
No, I'm, uh Forrest.
Locker.
Forrest locker, the 28th.
I know it's you, Jerry.
And I know why you're here.
You've come to take something that belongs to you.
You're right.
What will you do with it once it's yours? I don't know-- probably shove it in my pants and run out of here.
Oh! Jerry, this is my boyfriend Monty.
Monty I'm leaving you for Jerry.
Wait, what? I'm not Jerry.
I'm, uh-- I'm forrest.
I've never met Claire, I've never seen Claire, and I don't know Claire.
Tell him, Claire.
Run, Forrest! Run! Now, where would that flag be? Ooh! I've always wanted to try this.
Mm, mm! Here we go.
Ah! Whoo! Well, well, well.
There you are, Mumford.
Ready for our rematch? En garde! Ha! Ohh! Gah! You're not Mumford.
You're that skinny geek from seaford high.
Get him! Aah! Flag's gotta be around here somewhere.
Oh! This guy is daffy for taffy.
As you know, this Saturday is our yearly humiliation of seaford high during the parade.
And that Rudy tootie fellow gave me a great idea.
This year, we're going to take it up a notch by flying their flag from our pirate ship float.
Does anyone else notice my grizzly inching forward? Oh! Thank you.
I am out.
That bear ate me during a camping trip two years ago.
Whoo! This is a fake bear.
Well, then my excuse makes no sense, which means I should probably just-- just go.
Get him! Whoa! Beautiful, Mary Beth.
Just beautiful.
Okay.
Up next is Kim Crawford doing an interpretive dance.
I can't wait.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Okay.
Now let's kick it.
This is my jam! They're gonna fly our flag on their float? That taffy-tugging tyrant! Guys, I've been thinking about this.
I think I've got a solution.
Yeah, me too.
Really? What have you got? Uh, no.
No.
I don't know.
I thought you were gonna go first, And I was just gonna say, "That's what I was thinking.
" All the floats start in that hangar by the train station.
What if we got our flag back before the parade starts? Yep, that's what I was thinking.
Mm-hmm.
How are we going to get near their float? All the swathmore kids know what we look like.
They'll be guarding that flag.
Guys, I finished our float.
- Great! - Awesome.
What is it? It's a replica of the screaming log of seaford.
Oh, legend has it that the founder of our town Crawled into a hollow log To survive the harsh winter of 1808.
Why do they call it the "Screaming log"? Unfortunately, a family of wolverines had the same idea.
Guys I think I know how we're gonna get our flag back.
All right, Claire.
Here's your question.
Why do you think you should be the pearl of seaford? I'm rich, I'm pretty, And World peace! Thank you, thank you.
No, thank you, Claire.
I think we're all better people Having heard that-- huh? Aren't we? yeah Okay, Kimberly.
Your turn.
Seriously? A 26.
Well, let me tell you-- If this is what you think is good, then I'm obviously not your pearl.
Did I mention I take in homeless whales? Stuff it, Claire.
You know, let me tell you-- If I was the pearl, I wouldn't just represent the rich and the pretty people.
I'd represent everyone-- From the hardworking women in the factories to the guy at the doughnut shop that eats all the napkins.
Well, maybe not him.
Well, you know what-- Even him.
Because that's who we are in seaford.
A bunch of crazy, napkin-eating nuts.
You are a pearl, Kim.
An undeniable pearl.
- - ohh! Okay, people.
We're rolling out in five minutes.
Use the bathrooms now.
We all remember what happened to that man last year In the swan costume.
Uh, hey, Eddie.
What is that thing? Screaming log of seaford.
Um, don't you think you're gonna look a little silly Pushing that thing down main street? Kim, you do know You're sitting in a clam, don't you? Well played.
What is that thing? Some kind of a sea turd? Your float's a joke.
Ha ha! Joke's on you! Ha ha! Joke's on you! Eddie, open the stupid latch.
Oh, my bad.
Ha ha! Ha ha! The joke's on you! We've come to get our flag back.
Oh, oh, foot's asleep.
Let's go.
They're taking the ship! Oh! You're just a seaford high loser.
And so are your friends.
En garde! - Aah! - Whoa.
Two minutes.
Two minutes, please.
Jack! Great.
Whoa! Oh, you get back in your clam right now, young lady.
Whoa! I got it, I got it, I got it! Whoa! Really? Thanks for your help.
I heard you won the pageant.
You're looking at the new pearl of seaford.
Uh This is yours.
So, uh, is the pearl too good to take a ride with her friends on a log? No way! Let's do this.
Kimberly, it's go time.
Let's get back in your clam, girl.
- - uh-oh.
Guys, I think I might be really, really hurt.
I'm driving that clam over to the hospital.
You think this is okay? Us taking their ship? They abandoned it.
We might as well.
I feel so bad for Eddie.
He worked so hard on his log.
I'm driving a pirate ship! Spout your blowholes in the morning Spout your blowholes in the night Seaford whales, we stand united Seaford whales, let's fight fight fight!