Kim's Convenience (2016) s02e06 Episode Script

You have to give me the number of your window washer.
Yeah.
He's very good.
And very good price.
Your windows will be the death of many a bird.
(DOORBELL JINGLES) - All done, Mr.
Kim.
- Ah! Great job.
Mmm? Yeah.
You not have trouble with window bar? No.
I rigged up a special squeegee just for you.
Mmm.
Good.
(APPA CHUCKLES) See, what I did was, I took an old squeegee, then epoxied it to a ball joint on a pole, that way I can really get in there, you know.
Okay.
See you.
(APPA CHUCKLES) Okay.
You know, he was waiting for a tip.
Why I tip? You said he did a great job.
Yeah, that's why I pay.
He wants more money, he charge more.
That's not how society works.
Take my restaurant, for example.
I pay my waiters an unlivable wage.
It's unlivable! But they get their tips, and somehow they survive.
Yeah, that's a problem nowadays.
Everybody wants a tip.
Taxi driver wants a tip.
Pizza delivery wants a tip.
What's next? Astronaut wants a tip? You know they drink their own urine.
Keep the change.
Okay.
Thank you! (DOORBELL JINGLES) What? My boss pay me unlivable wage, too.
(LOUD THUMP) And so it begins.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) (CHURCH BELL RINGS) (CROW CAWS) (WOMAN SIGHS) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) That was a most beautiful service.
Thank you.
So sad for Mrs.
Ko.
Yeah, she love her husband very much.
But at 84, he lived a good life.
And he is in good resting place.
Mmm-hmm.
Not best resting place, but still very good.
What is more important is where he's going.
Yeah.
We are lucky.
And smart.
We buy good spot here long time ago.
- Come, see.
- No.
Yeobo, today is not our day.
Today is Mrs.
Ko's day.
And I should probably be getting back to the family.
Or they can wait.
They're not going anywhere.
- Oh Come, come.
- But (APPA GROANS) (UMMA EXCLAIMS IN KOREAN) It is a beautiful spot.
Perfect spot.
Close to church, surround by friend.
One day, this will be our home.
But not today.
Also, we have a very expensive brass plaque.
Good deal.
Two for one.
That's great.
No one loves saving more than Jesus.
Ah! "Kim Sang Il," and Oh, is Lois Johnson your English name? Why my plaque say "Lois Johnson"? - I don't know.
- Who is Lois Johnson? And why she have my resting place? I know a Lois Martin.
But I don't think that's helpful right now.
What technique! Two at a time, bitches.
Two at a time.
- Two at a time! - Two at a time! I don't get it.
You kidding me, T-Bag? You've never seen Blood and Bone? It's only the coolest martial arts movie, ever.
"Your man as good as he says he is?" "Double or nothing.
" All right.
(GROANS) Whoa! - I said, "Double or nothing.
" - Okay.
That all you (GROANS) Whoo! Yeah! Now do the Dirty Dancing lift.
- Dude, you okay? - Yeah.
Fine.
You sure? You landed pretty hard.
No, I'm good.
Just lost my footing.
No, you were pretty steady.
Well, until Kimchee flipped you.
I filmed it.
Check it out.
Sweet.
Oh, I'm calling my mom.
Hi, Mom.
Can't talk right now.
I'm just recording a fight at work.
How they can sell my resting place? Yeah.
Crazy.
We go to cemetery manager right now.
You play bad cop, I play worse cop.
Yeah, okay, we will.
Ha.
But first, funny story.
Uh, you remember summer of '97? So hot.
Huh? Jung was six, he got heat rash.
We think he has chicken pox.
Chicken pox is very scary disease.
Then walk-in cooler break down, but everybody still wants a pop and Gatorade.
Watermelon flavor was very popular then.
It's too sweet for me.
What did you do? I sell resting place to get money to fix cooler and to save family.
You're welcome.
You sell my resting place? I was going to buy back.
But then Janet is born, and we need a stroller.
Then the roof leaked and I fix roof.
- Then I fall through roof - You never tell me! Yeah! I fall through almost two floors.
Why you sell my resting place? I tried to sell both.
But only yours sell.
Also, I thinking, if you die first, you not know, so we don't have a big fight.
And if you die first? Then I is dead.
And you is too sad for big fight.
Win-win.
Lose-lose.
So? Did you love it? I'm sorry, but that is not my Archie.
Your Archie? Yeah, Archie is supposed to be this lovable freckle-face.
He's not supposed to be all brooding angles.
And those abs? Come on.
No one has abs like that.
Yeah.
Ridiculous.
So do you wanna watch another one? No, you go ahead.
I'm beat.
Okay.
Good night.
(MUSIC PLAYING FROM LAPTOP) (CELL PHONE BEEPS) Janet, your phone.
You got a message.
- (JANET MOANING) - (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) (MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES) - Morning.
- Hey.
Mmm.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Mmm.
So good.
Mmm.
I'm going to leave for school.
With the orange juice? Right.
Give me a few minutes and I'll walk with you.
Okay, but (SIGHS) - (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) - (JANET MOANS) I'm just gonna Bye.
(MOANING CONTINUES) Gerald? (ALL LAUGHING) - He looks so dumb.
- Play it again.
Oh! Hey.
Don't you guys have work to do? - Not really.
- You wanna see? No, Terence, I don't.
And you would never have flipped me, if I'd been on my game.
- Are you still on that? - You flipped him? It's no big deal.
But yeah.
I totally did.
Oh, I gotta see that.
Wait, so, what are you watching? Dog eating a lemon.
It's so sour, but he can't stop licking it.
- Show me the flip.
- It was a fluke.
Okay, if you say so, bro.
I do say so, bro.
- Are you serious? - I got it.
No videos at work, Terence.
And clean up these counters.
They're an embarrassment.
Now, why you putting dip over there, where customer can't find? It's "chip and dip.
" They belong together.
So, this one you want together, side by side, forever and ever? It just me you throw away like old garbage? What did you do now? How you know I do something? Maybe Umma do something this time.
Your Appa want to lie down next to other woman.
- Appa? - Not now.
When I die.
Ew! Appa sell my resting place in cemetery.
Oh.
Now cemetery is full and perfect place is gone, because Appa want to sell watermelon Gatorade! Not just watermelon, many flavour.
Strawberry, lemon, blue Okay, okay, I make big mistake.
But now I fix.
Umma take my resting place.
And you row boat to middle of lake and push me over.
Plop! You want me to drown you in the lake? No, not drowning, I'm already die.
You just have to drag my body to boat and Plop! See? I solve the problem.
You just make problem.
You pollute lake with your dead body and we still not together! So, we sell other grave and throw your body into lake, too.
I don't want a resting place in lake! (DOORBELL JINGLES) You guys know the store's open, right? You buy resting place back so we can be together forever and ever in eternal happiness.
(SCOFFS) (GRUNTS) Kill me now.
Plop.
(CRASHES) Okay, Janet, we're going.
Are you okay, Appa? - My neck.
Very tight.
- Me, too.
But I've been using the neck massager.
Yeah, I should do massagee-kigae.
You don't deserve massagee-kigae.
You make me sleep on couch and I don't deserve massagee-kigae? No.
- Okay, bye, Janet.
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh.
Hi, Mrs.
Kim.
Mr.
Kim.
- Gerald.
- You look terrible.
Thank you.
Are you getting enough sleep? Not lately.
No.
Maybe he is sleeping on the couch.
You know what help you relax and feel good? Massagee-kigae.
Janet is doing.
A lot lately.
I pretty much need it to fall asleep now.
Okay.
Where you going? I go upstairs to massagee-kigae.
No time! You take too long.
- I do fast one.
- We have to go.
This is all you fault.
I don't have to massagee-kigae so bad if you don't kick me out of bed.
Here, take cream and do in car.
I help you.
Your hand is too cold and you squeeze it too hard.
(GROANS) Did you want use the bathroom before we No, not at all.
So like I say, Mrs.
Johnson, my wife is pregnant, walk-in cooler break That's quite a story.
Now, would you be so kind as to get Arthur's medication? And have you found out who stole Lois' walking sticks? No.
No.
We don't work here.
His shoes say you do.
I know a nurse's shoe when I see one.
No, just comfortable.
You try standing for 12-hour day.
- I can't stand.
- Not without her sticks.
Mrs.
Johnson, we own convenience store.
We work together side by side whole life.
And when we die, we want to rest together side by side, too.
How sweet.
We want to buy your plot because it's next to one we have.
I see.
You believe that soul mates should be buried together.
Yeah.
I cannot disagree.
I know this isn't what you came here for, but I think it may solve your problem.
What you saying? I would like to buy your plot, so that Arthur and I can be buried together.
Oh, Lois.
Of course I'll pay you very generously.
No, no, no, we're not interest How generously? And my cousin got us in for free 'cause he knows a guy.
Hey, lunch buddies.
Got room for one more? Sure.
Wow.
That looks super healthy.
Yeah, it is.
Part of my new clean eating plan.
Do you ever dip your fries in mayo? It's so good.
Very European.
- Need some help with that? - Yeah.
I got it, I got it.
Oh.
Thanks.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, see if you can flip it open.
(CHUCKLES AND GROANS) Maybe run it under hot water? I think it's cold water.
Try tapping it with a knife.
Oh, he don't need no knife.
It's Jung.
Is there honey in this thing? Sometimes if there's honey, it kind of glues the whole thing together.
- My hands are slippery.
- Maybe you're just nervous.
Maybe it's because I moisturize.
You know what, I'm not even that hungry anymore.
I'm just enjoying the smell of the fries.
(GROANS) - (SLURPS) - (JUNG SIGHS) You know what, I'm gonna wipe my hands.
(JAR OPENS) Oh, thank you.
Who opened it? It doesn't matter who did what, or how fast it popped right open.
The important thing is I'm having lunch.
Do you just wanna share everything? Might as well.
Oops.
I dropped my keys.
I'm just heading into the kitchen right now.
And Oh.
Hey.
I'm not interrupting anything? What? I just thought that after a long day you might be unwinding or Why are you being so weird? Uh Okay, I don't know if it's a cultural thing, maybe your family is just really open about it, but I think we need to establish some boundaries around self exploration.
What are you talking about? I think if we are gonna massagee-kigae ourselves, we should wait until the other person isn't home.
If the person is home, then definitely stifle the massagee-kigae -ing.
What do you think massagee-kigae is? Um Massaging your kigae? Oh, my God, Gerald! This is a massagee-kigae! I'm not going to lie.
I find that very intimidating.
It's a neck massager.
Oh! Um Never mind.
(CHUCKLING) I feel stupid.
No, don't.
In theory, it could have been what you thought.
I mean, we're both adults.
Yeah, we're both mature.
- And that's just a normal - Thing.
Yeah.
Fun fact.
Self-pleasuring helps prevent prostate cancer.
Not that that's the only reason one might do it No, absolutely.
Boredom, procrastination, once actually just 'cause I was hungry, but it didn't really help.
Can we talk about something else? Not while you're holding that.
Yeah, I'll put it away.
Hey, mister.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
It's good.
Just seems like you've been in here all day.
Haven't seen you out and about with the rest of the gang.
- Just workin'.
Catchin' up.
- Okay.
I'll leave you to it.
It's just It's stupid.
You've probably heard.
About Kimchee and I, goofin' around the other day.
Flipping each other.
Well, he flipped me.
Oh, my God.
Are you all right? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
Okay.
Good.
But then I was worried that everyone thought 'Cause they were all laughing at the video.
Oh, of Kimchee flipping you? - No, a dog eating a lemon.
- Oh.
I've seen that.
It's so funny.
Anyway, I thought they were watching a video of me, so I got mad at them.
And then there was the whole thing with the mason jar Oh, when Sage opened it? Sage opened it? So you're upset because you got into a play fight with Kimchee, where he flipped you, but you didn't get hurt, and then nobody laughed at you? You left out the part about the jar.
Yeah.
- It's just - I really have to pee.
I came in here to be nice, I didn't know this was going to be a whole thing.
- Go, go.
- Thank you.
(MUMBLING) I think we should take Ms.
Lois offer.
It's lots of money.
I want to be buried in our cemetery.
Together.
End of story.
But we not buried together unless we sell.
And whatever cemetery we in, become our cemetery.
Because we is together, side by side.
Okay, that got me right here.
- I'm sorry for intruding.
- Then don't.
Okay, I'll be over here.
What you think? We can buy new plot, and still have money to enjoy now.
On new golf club.
Or sewing machine.
Or new golf club.
Vacation Vacation - You understand him? - I have no idea.
Take her on vacation.
She don't want vacation.
You want vacation? No.
Never been to Italy.
You want to go? Oh, I don't know.
Never really think about.
What we even do? Maybe five day in Venice, coffee in St.
Mark's Square, overnight in Siena, then drive down Amalfi Coast in convertible.
Hmm.
I feel like you think about this.
Maybe just a little bit.
We go.
Mmm! - (UMMA GASPS) - (BOTH CHUCKLE) Hey, Kimch.
You come here to loosen all the jars? I came to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I was an ass.
You were.
A big one.
So we good? Bring it in.
Thanks, man.
But we both know under normal circumstances, I would've flipped you.
Interesting.
Would you say these circumstances are normal enough for you? (BOTH GRUNTING) You can't flip me.
Low center of gravity.
Short guy's secret weapon.
Can't flip you 'cause you're wrapped around my thigh.
Oh! Okay.
- Had enough? - No.
Looks like you guys are working it out.
That's good.
- Let go of me.
- Let go of my leg.
I'll leave you to it.
Come on! Hello? Oh! Hello, Mrs.
Kim, Mr.
Kim, so good of you to come by.
We have news.
We want to sell Lois our plot.
Oh.
You obviously haven't heard.
Lois passed away last night.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
We are very sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
And I'm glad you've decided to sell.
I intend to honor Lois' wishes.
Now my retirement income is a lot more modest than Lois' was.
And she never did get around to adding me to her will.
I can't afford very much.
But we all know it's not about the money.
It's about Lois and I spending eternity together.
Yeah.
But no.
Pardon? We sorry for you loss, but no.
But soul mates belong together.
Yes.
But no.
- Okay, see you.
- Bye-bye.
In the end we save money.
Appa and I is buried bunk-bed style.
- In the same grave? - Yeah.
Whoever die first is buried bottom bunk.
Whoever die next, he's buried top bunk.
Oh.
- (MOANS) - (CHUCKLES) What? Nothing.
Gerald just got mixed up and thought massagee-kigae was something else.
(GASPS) Oh.
- Hilarious, right? - Yeah.
Gerald is very funny boy.
But you know, Janet, it's Okay.
Janet, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? - Yup, I know.
- Yeah.
Ahh.