Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight (2022) s02e06 Episode Script

[exclaiming, grunting]
Skadoosh.
[screaming]
- [thunder crashes]
- [gasping]
[gasping]
[whirring]
[gasps] Was that?
[as Master Mastodon] Ah My Storm Wheels.
[dramatic music plays]
[exclaiming]
[gasps]
That lightning stole my hot chocolate!
[mystical music plays]
[dramatic music plays]
[fast-paced music plays]
Hm
[Po] What are you looking at?
More charred ground.
Whoever this Protector is
left us a perfect trail to follow.
And when we catch up with them,
we'll take the Storm Wheels.
Uh, we could ask nicely to take them.
What? They saved us from the Scorpions.
And the Dragon Knight Code says here,
"Not all problems
are solved by the sword."
[scoffs] I don't remember
agreeing to that rule.
Come on. Where does this trail lead?
[groaning]
To Tikal, the great city.
It's a steep and treacherous path.
Since you're going, mind giving me a hand?
[atmospheric music plays]
He did ask politely.
[grunting]
[grunts] Grip loosening.
- [bones cracking]
- Back spasming.
[groans] So, Pelpel,
you said your cousin's an inventor, right?
He prefers the term "entrepreneur."
But yeah, he can help me
figure out who made this.
[groans] How much further?
Well, I, uh Let me think.
- [humming]
- [groans]
[normal voice] Hello? Master Mastodon?
It would be really nice
if you could lend a hand.
[groans as Master Mastodon]
I spent ages hiding those wheels.
How did this "Protector" find them?
[laughs] It doesn't matter
how many years you spent.
Nothing stays hidden forever.
When I found
the Lost Scepter of the Andes
Just leave me alone!
[groaning, normal voice]
Oh, why did you insult him?
Just sharing war stories.
Oh, you wouldn't get it, noodle man.
[scoffs] You didn't find
the Scepter of the Andes.
That was
the Pirate Queen Forouzan. [chuckles]
The Scourge of the Seven Seas.
What do you know
of the Pirate Queen Forouzan?
[splutters] Know her? Oh, no, no.
I don't know her.
Uh I know of her. [chuckles]
[Mr. Ping] I read a lot.
Hm
Hm Hm?
Hm?
Okay.
- [groaning]
- [majestic music plays]
[croaks] I got it.
- We're nearly there.
- [sarcastically] Thanks, Pelpel.
Hm.
Oh, look. There's little wheels on it.
We could have rolled it the whole time.
[chuckles nervously]
[groans]
[mellow music plays]
Here you go. One fresh, hot cocoa.
- [thudding]
- [screaming]
[yelps]
Nothing to worry about. It's dead.
Careful with the hot cocoa.
Oh. Uh Okay.
[groaning]
Love what you do, by the way.
- [grunts] Well, this is my stop.
- Wait.
- Where do we find the Protector?
- [ominous music plays]
[croaks]
The one thing everyone knows
about the Protector is that
no one
knows a thing about the Protector.
Huh?
Their identity's a secret.
But everyone has their stories.
[sighs] I'm gonna have to hear
Amoch's Protector story again too.
Are you telling me the Protector
could be anyone in this city?
Yep. Good luck! [croaks]
[groans angrily]
- Oh, are you okay?
- Do I look okay?
Is that a trick question, or?
It's a dead end.
[sighs] If I were a real knight,
I'd know what to do.
- Alfie would know what to do.
- [emotional music plays]
[sighs]
[gasps] Okay, so forget about
what a knight would do.
How would a Dragon Knight
find the Protector?
Don't overthink it.
First idea in three, two, one.
- Put on a little play. Huh?
- Threaten people. [gasps]
Put on a play?
Threaten people?
Yes. Demand answers
until we get what we want.
Like when your crew threatens mutiny,
and the captain needs to root out
the head of their operation.
- Hm
- Hm?
Or just ask around?
Pelpel said
everyone has stories about the Protector.
Maybe we could piece together
clues to their secret identity.
Pelpel's cousin might be a good start.
Yes, an interrogation.
Do you ever just talk to people?
- Tell us everything!
- Please.
[groans] Well, I'd just received
an award for my small business,
and to celebrate, I went stargazing.
- But that's when
- [mystical music plays]
[Amoch] some rocks came loose
and I nearly fell to my death.
I saw a flash of lightning.
And then, standing before me
with their flowing mane,
the Protector.
Ooh! A clue!
Just like that, they were gone,
leaving nothing
but the small hint of cornbread
on the night sky.
Entrepreneur of the year.
That was the award, by the way.
Kudos on the kudos.
Don't encourage him.
- [yelps]
- That can't be all you remember.
Whoa! Intense much? [scoffs]
[croaks] You should talk to Zip
at the hot chocolate stand.
- [Amoch] She had a run-in last month.
- [yelps]
Tell us everything you know
about the Protector.
And one hot cocoa, please. Thank you.
[Zip] I was working a regular shift
when some thieves
demanded I empty the cacao register.
But I didn't have to.
Because she arrived.
"She"?
Ring-a-ding-a-ding-ding-ding! Clue alert!
[Zip] I gave her a warm cup of cocoa
and sent her on her way.
So the Protector's a woman.
That narrows things down.
You may live.
Was there a chance I wouldn't?
[stirring music plays]
- What do you know about the Protector?
- We'd really appreciate it.
[witness 1]
I didn't even notice that sinkhole.
Then he appeared.
Sorry, "he"? We were told
the Protector was a woman.
[witness 1] No way.
He was a real beefcake. Yep.
Also, he loves cake.
Was eating some when he saved me.
[groans]
[stirring music plays]
Speak, now.
If you'd be so kind.
[witness 2] Scariest day of my life,
until the Protector grabbed me
and flew us out of there.
Flew?
[witness 3] I'd have drowned
if she hadn't swam to me.
Swam?
- [witness 3] The Protector's a fish.
- [witness 4] A howler monkey.
[witness 5] A swordfish,
or maybe an alligator.
- He's an ocelot.
- A toucan.
She's a swan. She saved my home.
- He's a beefcake.
- Oh, he's a wombat.
[witness 11] She saved my fruit stand then
dipped a banana into a bowl of pozole.
So gross.
Mm. [inhales]
Mm
Uh What?
I'm just following leads.
Snacks aren't leads, Po.
[sighs] Okay.
So, the Protector's maybe a man,
maybe a woman,
possibly a bird, and definitely a fish.
[Po] Or a wombat.
Or a wombat! [groans]
I'm so angry,
I don't even know who to take it out on.
After all that,
we know nothing,
except that the Protector
[sighs] protects.
Great.
That's not nothing.
What would Dragon Knights do
with that kind of info, huh? Huh?
[clears throat] Lure the Protector in,
capture them,
and force them to walk the plank.
Hm. Hm?
Hm
Huh?
Uh That was a metaphor.
- [majestic music plays]
- [Po gasps]
Ah! Oh! Guys, guys!
You know how we pushed
that big, heavy Scorpion down that hill?
Uh, yes. My back is still aching from it.
We're gonna push it back up there.
What? Why would we do that?
I have an idea to draw out the Protector.
It'll be like
I refuse to do it
if you call it a "little play."
- Revue?
- [groans]
[grunting, groaning]
Not much easier than carrying it.
What?
You steer a sled like you're being chased,
pull off heists like a seasoned vet,
and now you're all "mutinies" this
and "walk the plank" that.
What's your deal?
Oh, I don't know
what you're talking about.
I told you, I read a lot.
Romance novels mostly.
[groans, wheezes] Oh my goodness.
Help. Oxygen.
[groans] I'm alright.
Whew! Medic!
Whoa. We are a long way up.
Okay. Positions, everyone. You two ready?
We're ready, son. [chuckles]
I'm so excited for my
[splutters] very first bait-and-switch.
Very first. [chuckles nervously]
Hm.
All set.
Don't forget to have fun. Showtime!
[lively music plays]
Help!
Somebody, please, help us!
My bones, they are so soft!
I'll be turned to paste!
[clanking]
Uh Maybe give it a push?
[Blade groans]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, okay. Scene's starting.
[dramatic music plays]
I think this is gonna work.
Even I'm getting a little scared for us.
Uh
Ow, ow, ow.
Blade, can you slow it down?
I am not acting right now!
[groans, grunts]
Uh, no?
Help! Not acting!
[yelling]
Do something!
Don't worry. I got this.
[grunting]
[thunder crashes]
[groaning]
[groans]
[gasps]
[dramatic music plays]
[groans]
[as Master Mastodon] My wheels! [groans]
[grunts, squawks]
[groans]
[groans, normal voice]
Oh sure. Let me feel the pain.
Real nice. [groans]
Dad!
Hand over the Storm Wheels now, Protector.
And you owe me a hot cocoa!
[dramatic music plays]
Can't say we didn't ask nicely. [grunts]
[mystical music plays]
[groaning]
- [atmospheric music plays]
- [groans] What happened?
- [exclaims]
- Wow!
[groaning]
[grunting]
Yeah! Whoo! Alright, Protector!
- Show those deviants what for!
- [laughing, whooping]
Deviants?
No, we're the good guys, I promise.
[groans] Why does this keep happening?
- [grunts]
- [tense music plays]
We just want to [groans]
borrow
[grunts] the wheels
[grunts] for a bit. Ow!
Please!
[groans]
Oh man. [yells]
[grunts]
[dramatic music plays]
[laughs triumphantly]
Lightning!
- [fizzling]
- Lightning?
Lightning, lightning, lightning!
- [dramatic music plays]
- [grunts]
[groaning] Charley horse!
- [gasping]
- [dramatic music plays]
[groans]
- [music intensifies]
- [thunder crashes]
Come on. We can't let them get away.
[thrilling music plays]
[slurping, exclaiming]
[echoing]
I feel you, buddy.
Same thing happened to me.
[panting]
[panting]
Right behind you. Whew!
Watch out, Protector. [gasps]
We're hot on your heels.
Hm.
Come on. The trail leads to this building.
[panting]
Oh no.
[cheering]
- [whooping, cheering]
- Yeah! Let's go!
[man in crowd] Yeah!
[Blade] No. Everyone from town is here.
It could be any one of them.
[grunts]
[grunts]
[groans] All of that
and we still don't know a thing.
- Play or get off the field!
- [booing]
I'll wear you like a boot!
Okay, breather time.
In with the good. [inhales]
Out with the bad. [exhales]
Maybe we should just quietly
leave the field and plan our next move?
[scoffs]
the whole time, and I don't know.
Nobody comes to see me
Hey!
- Did you find them?
- No. They got away.
[squawks, yelps]
Well, are they a fish or a wombat?
Who knows?
[as Master Mastodon] I shall speak to her.
No! [splutters] I'll take this one.
Give me, give me the other guy.
Seriously? Fine.
[grunting, muttering in normal voice]
Can you put me down before you do that?
[grunts] Our knees
aren't what they used to be. [gasps]
I didn't become the world's greatest thief
by playing fair,
so you can tell me your secret,
or I can ask Po to help me
take a closer look into your past.
And I don't think you want that.
- [grunts]
- [smashing]
- [emotional music plays]
- [sighs]
[approaching footsteps]
Okay, so they got away this time.
We'll just put on another pl uh, revue,
and draw them out again.
Sure, and have our hides
handed to us again.
Then we'll be more prepared
and set a trap for them.
And end up in the trap ourselves.
Well then, we'll set up two traps.
And double our chances of failure. Nice.
You're really stubborn.
[scoffs]
No, I mean, you don't give up.
At least, you never have before.
[sighs] Well, I am this time.
Hm No.
I don't think so.
I'm making it a Dragon Knight rule.
Let's see here. Alright.
"Dragon Knights are stubborn."
"They never give up."
There it is, written down.
It's official. No giving up allowed.
Come on. It's a rule.
No giving up allowed.
[scoffs] Fine.
Come on. I got an idea.
[splutters] I sold my soul,
and there was only one way out.
[grunts]
So I sailed
straight into a British warship
off the port of Hastings.
- [dramatic music]
- [clamoring]
Steady, lads! Steady, me hearties!
[thudding]
Fire!
And that's where I died.
[gasps]
[chuckling] Or so they thought.
[grunts]
I faked my death,
escaped aboard the warship,
spent nine months living off of scraps
underneath the floorboards
[emotional music plays]
[Mr. Ping] And then
returned home, of course,
opened a cute little noodle shop,
and left everything else in the past.
[chuckles softly]
Yes, I was a pirate.
And if my old crew ever finds out,
everyone I love would be in grave danger.
Po can never know.
Never!
[Po] Dad.
We're heading to the stands.
I got an idea.
Sounds fun!
I love pok-ta-pok.
How do you know about pok-ta-pok?
Why does no one believe me
when I say I'm a real bookworm?
Kids these days. [sighs]
They won't read anything
without pictures in it.
[intriguing music plays]
- [grunting]
- [cheering]
[rhythmic music plays]
What are you doing?
Being stubborn.
We know the Protector
is in this stadium somewhere,
and if there's anything
we've learned today,
it's that they're always hungry.
I say we follow the snacks.
Team Dragon Knight on the case.
Cornbread, three o'clock!
Cocoa, twelve o'clock!
Ooh! And another one at ten o'clock.
[Po laughs] Tortillas, one o'clock.
[Rukhmini] Tamales and plantains,
eleven o'clock!
[Po] Uh, hey, guys, am I the only one
getting a little hungry here?
Tamales, 8:42 and 33 seconds.
Maybe just use, like, whole numbers.
[horn blows]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Tikal Invitational.
[cheering]
It is my pleasure
to introduce your esteemed leader,
your chosen ruler,
Tikal's own,
Zuma-Balam!
[cheering]
[gasps]
Uh, Blade?
[witness 11] She saved my fruit stand then
dipped a banana into a bowl of pozole.
Ooh, we found you, Protector.
And we will be taking those Storm Wheels.
[dramatic music plays]
Or we can try asking nicely.
Yeah, I think that's a solid plan.
[rhythmic music plays]