Life & Beth (2022) s02e06 Episode Script
The Work
1
♪♪
AUTOMATED VOICE: Step four:
- Meet the activated ego.
- (FLIES BUZZING)
As we expand our level
of conscious awareness,
we can see that we are
not our ego stories.
Thoughts happen to us.
They don't mean anything
about who we are.
They're simply our ego
attempting to defend our identity
and protect us from pain.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hey.
- MAYA (OVER PHONE): Hey, girl.
This thing is gonna be
super packed tonight,
so we gotta get there early.
- What thing?
- I got us tickets to see
Isabel Wilkerson tonight,
and you said you'd go with me. Are y
Are you serious right now?
Shit, I'm so sorry.
Cole needs me to work.
(OVER PHONE) I know this is,
like, your favorite author.
She wrote, uh, Castaway or whatever.
It's called Caste, and
you said you'd read it, too.
I know, I got totally
wrapped up in this other book.
It's, like, changing my life.
Have you ever heard of box breathing?
- (HANGS UP)
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- Got your stuff.
- Maya wants me dead.
Oh, we'll all die someday.
Here's your toothpaste.
I know we just started trying, but.
Oh, my God. You're so cute
that you bought this already.
This is gonna be my first time
wanting a positive result
on a pregnancy test.
(SIGHS) Alright.
I should go.
I'll be there for, like, two days.
I'll miss you.
You don't actually have to miss me.
You could come with me.
Ya know?
It's supposed to be, like,
really a-an amazing house.
The people are, like,
fancy. Beautiful views.
Go there with you in Manhattan?
Yeah.
Um, but I know your routine
is really important, so
don't-don't worry about it.
Just forget I even mentioned it.
Just Yeah, take it off the table.
The offer's off the table.
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hello. Good morning.
- (DISTANT SIREN)
- Hello. How are you?
- (BETH LAUGHS)
You don't have to say
hi to everybody we pass.
I'm so glad you came.
Ya know, that you felt
comfortable, or I
don't know how to say it.
I'm not comfortable, but I
wanna spend time with you and
like Dr. Morris says, "Life is about
more than just being comfortable."
Good morning. Hi. Thank you so much.
I love that we're both
working on ourselves, ya know?
You're workin' with Dr.
Morris, and I'm reading that
Well, listening to that book.
It's really helping me get
rid of my old narratives.
Ya know who should read the book is Ann.
Oh, Ann loves it when
you tell her what to do.
- (BETH LAUGHS)
- Has she gotten back to you?
Of course not.
♪♪
- (LEONARD MUMBLING)
- (GIGGLES)
LEONARD: And Bethy knows
her way around the place.
- (DROPS KEYS)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
But, Annie, just, uh
make yourself at home. It's, uh
The kitchen's over there,
and this is the, uh,
living/dining room/only
room besides my bedroom.
And then, we have the boys
and girls bathroom over there.
And we're gonna have
a great weekend, girls.
Um, where are we gonna sleep?
Well, you usually sleep
on the couch, right?
Okay, yeah, but both of us won't fit.
I can, I can just sleep on the ground.
- That'd be fine.
- Great.
- No.
- LEONARD: No.
You're right, no. She's not a cat.
- (LAUGHS) You're Yeah.
- Uh, I-I'm gonna go, uh, pop over
to my friend Jeanie's house.
She's got one of those
fancy air mattresses,
and you could sleep on
that like a princess.
Okay. Um, do you have anything to eat?
Yeah, I got food to eat.
I got all kinds of shit.
- ANN (CHUCKLES): Okay.
- We have, uh
Lemme see what we have. We have cereal.
I got Cookie Chunks.
You know these, right?
- ANN: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- Slam dunk with Cookie Chunks
and, um Oh, fuck. I don't have milk.
You know what? I'm gonna go get milk.
I'm gonna go get some, some milk.
I'm gonna get some chicken,
and we're gonna make tacos,
and I'ma get ice cream, okay?
- ANN: Okay.
- Don't forget the air mattress.
I'm gonna get the air mattress.
I'll be back in, like, 45 minutes.
And you could turn on the TV.
If it doesn't work,
just, ya know, smack it.
(ECHOING DOOR SLAM)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Eh, right?
No! That belonged to one
of Queen Elizabeth's corgis.
Put it back. That's a squirt factory.
- Put it back!
- Oh, my God.
COLE: Don't smell it!
- Made some lunch.
- Thanks, hon'.
- Yeah, hon'.
- BETH: I'm gonna eat
right as soon as I pee on this stick.
No foreplay in front of me, please.
Hey, can you tell me where
the screening room is?
I wanna show Beth this series I
love called the River Cottage.
Oh, thrilling. Yeah, it's
through the billiard room,
uh, past the cigar chamber waiting room.
Uh, by the Prince Andrew statue!
- (SIGHS)
- (URINATING)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
- Annie!
- Are you in the bathroom?
- No!
- You sound all echoey
like you're surrounded
by porcelain and bleach.
Yeah, um, I don't know.
That's weird 'cause definitely not
- in the bathroom.
- (FLUSHING)
Thanks for calling.
ANN (OVER PHONE): You don't
even know why I'm calling.
I know, but you're calling.
Well, I didn't wanna not call you back
'cause then you'd just keep calling.
BETH (OVER PHONE): I
really wanted to thank you
because we got in touch
with that therapist
and she diagnosed John with ASD.
- She's been amazing.
- Cool.
I'm glad we connected. I
gotta go. I got a lot to do.
Yeah. Oh, John?
Would you please check
- the test in the bathroom?
- What test?
- BETH (OVER PHONE): Pregnancy test.
- JOHN (OVER PHONE): Yes.
- Wow.
- BETH (OVER PHONE): I know.
We, like, just started trying, so.
I bet we'll have to do IVF,
but I heard that stands
for "It's very fun."
I'm not worried about it.
Hey!
Not pregnant. Okay. (SIGHS)
No worries, not pregnant.
Ya know, (SIGHS) I'd
really like to see you.
Uh, can I come over?
I could make you guys
dinner, you and Kylie, or
more realistically, order?
Or you could make me dinner.
Well, (CLEARS THROAT) I'm staying at a
haunted mansion tonight, so
Perfect! I'll come with
you! I'm totally free.
No, that's not really an invitation.
I've always wanted to go to a mansion.
Ya know, just like The Bachelor.
Or the mansion on, um
The Bachelorette.
- Oh, my God.
- BETH: So, how haunted
are we talking here?
Ya know, like Poltergeist
or like Clue?
(HANGS UP)
- Hello?
- (PHONE BEEPS)
♪♪
So, there's a little
bit of new development.
- (SIGHS) Um.
- Mm-hm.
Ann just called me,
and she was kinda, like, begging me
to go on this, like,
sisters overnight trip with her.
- What, tonight?
- Yeah.
Which, I know. I was
like, I can't, obviously,
unless you think I should.
I-I think she might've been crying,
and sounded like she
really wanted me there.
I don't know, but, I
mean, we're here together
and I wanna be together.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but I think you're right,
and I should just go and be with her
because she, like, never
invites me anywhere,
and so, I-I think I should go.
Thank you for talking me through that.
Yeah, sorry. I'm gonna go.
Where the F are you going?
I need to rush to be
by my sister's side.
It's kind of a little
bit of an emergency,
but John will be able to help you.
- You'll be great at this.
- COLE: Yeah, great,
just do whatever you want
and ignore my authority.
Thank you.
- (SHATTERS)
- Oh, careful. You'll-You'll break it.
Oh, that's fine. This is discard.
Oh, really? None of this was
- squishing for you?
- Squirt.
No, dry as a bone.
("POINT OF NO RETURN" BY NU
SHOOZ PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
It's fun to be together,
you have to admit.
You stupid, fucking,
cock-mother-sucker! Go!
- Go! Jesus Christ, just go!
- (REVVING)
You know what's interesting
- is that our reaction to moments like this
- (RADIO DJ CHATTER)
are all based on our
core beliefs about ourself
that are created when we're children.
Fuck. Can you believe this fucking guy?
Like, he's still He's
not even using his blinker!
You want me to drive?
- No, I've got it.
- I'm happy to.
- No. God, Beth, I can drive.
- Okay. Yeah.
- It's just a lot. I'm fine.
- Yep. No, you're right.
You seem, you seem good.
I mean, do you like it when
people make you read their mind
- by not using their blinker?
- No. No, I get upset. I get upset, too.
- How come this place is haunted?
- Dupree murders.
- Is that, like, NXIVM or something?
- What?!
- I don't know.
- You never heard of the Dupree murders?
- I don't think so.
- Oh. Suzanne Dupree
killed her family
with an ax in the 1800s
in glorious fashion.
She, like, split their faces open
(CHUCKLES) with the ax.
- Are you seeing a therapist?
- What?
Just 'cause you hooked
us up with Dr. Morris.
I'm just wondering, do you Is it
Is that how Do you go see her?
- No, Kylie found her.
- She's great. Oh, good.
Have you ever thought about, like,
ya know, going? I know
you used to go, like
No! I microdose, like
every morning pretty much,
which I've told you about.
- Yeah.
- And it really, really helps.
I just I'm-I'm I'm
about to finish this book.
- You read a book?
- Yeah.
- Well, listened to, mostly, but
- Okay. Well, that counts.
And I think you would think
it was really interesting
because, because of our,
like, our childhood traumas,
our brains sort of perceive any, like,
little triggers as, like, a threat.
And so, we're constantly
flooding our own nervous systems
with, like, feelings
of rage or rejection,
or, like, ya know, just,
like, defensiveness.
- Mm-huh.
- And, ya know, it's a physical thing.
And-And it has great tips on breathing.
Like how we should be breathing.
- I'm gonna send it to you.
- No, no, no. I think I'm really
Everything's pretty good in my world.
- (BOUNCING, BRAKES SCREECH)
- (BOTH SCREAM)
(BOTH GASP)
Oh, my God! Okay! Okay!
- No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no.
- Oh, fuck!
It's okay. It's not your fault.
- Not your fault! That's fine.
- Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, my God!
- This is why I hate to drive!
- Okay. Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, fuck, you made me drive.
Okay, that's not true, but
this is what I'm talkin' about.
Your This is your inner
child looking to blame me
because everybody you've trusted
your whole life has hurt you.
Okay, this is your old trauma
- Fuck you! You are one of those people!
- Yeah. That's fair.
And now there is a dead animal
in the middle of the road!
This is a good point. Just
d-do this with me, okay?
(SNIFFS) Inhale for four,
(INHALES) hold for four
- Fuck.
- out for four, hold for two.
Box breathing, it's called.
All through your nose.
We should all just be
breathing through our nose.
(ANN BREATHING HEAVILY)
Did you do the hold for four? I
feel like you're skipping the hold.
- No!
- Are you feeling better?
No, I'm not! We need
to go see what we hit!
Or! Or! Hey. Hear me out.
We keep going.
We never look back. We
never know what we hit.
- Okay, no. I realize we're going out now.
- Goddamnit!
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God, it's a opossum.
It's okay. It's okay.
Okay.
Should we move it out
of the road or something?
I don't Is it, like, a busy
- I don't know.
- road, like
- (OPOSSUM HISSING)
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
Fuck! (WAILING)
Oh, fuck! Oh, God!
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I
fucking hate opossums!
- Oh, God, they're just so gross!
- (ANN WAILING)
Oh, God! They have no spines!
- They I don't know why
- Oh, God!
- I just remember that!
- I don't wanna know that!
Don't tell me that.
They're just little rat-faced rats!
- Oh, God! That was fucking gross!
- Okay, fine, but we just
We have to put it out of its misery.
Alright. Yeah, y-you're right. Okay.
- There's a, there's a stick. Go hit it!
- No!
Are you crazy? Out of your mind?
I'm not hitting it with a stick!
We have to run over it with the car.
- Oh, God Really?
- We have to run over Yes!
Okay, you wanna do it?
- No, fuck! Come on!
- No, I'm here! I got it!
- No, I'm doing it, okay?
- Beth, it's suffering.
Can we just get to it?
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
God, okay, okay.
- To the left. To the left!
- Okay. Stop! I got it!
- (CRUNCH)
- (GROANING) Oh, God! Oh, God!
Are you sure they don't have spines?
I feel like it cracked! Oh, God.
- Okay, okay, that, that, that
- Probably it's skull.
- That did it. That did it, right?
- No, you have to do it
one more time just to make sure that
it's really dead and not in pain.
- Okay, okay! God, really? Okay.
- Yes!
Fucking do it! Come on!
- Okay, okay.
- Slower, slower.
Any slower will be
legally fucking stopped.
- (BUMPING, CRUNCHING)
- (SCREAMING, GROANING)
Okay. Okay, right? That's good?
It's gotta be dead. We should check.
- I think I'm gonna throw up.
- Oh, God, oh, God.
Okay, let's just check
one more time, okay?
(DEEP INHALE)
- (MUFFLED MUSIC FROM RADIO)
- Oh!
- (OPOSSUM HISSING)
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
It was playing opossum!
It was playing opossum!
♪♪
(CAR ROARING)
(PAINED, WEAK SCREECHING)
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
- (OWL HOOTING)
- (WOLF HOWL)
SPEAKER: Mother? Mother?
BETH: That's really
creepy. Did you hear that?
- ANN: Yeah.
- SPEAKER: Mother.
ANN: Come on, come on, come on, come on.
(DOOR CREAKS)
SPEAKER: Mother?
Mother.
Mother?
(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)
(CREEPY VOCALIZING)
Mother?
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
Mother?
(STAIRS CREAKING)
Mother.
Hello?
(LAUGHS)
Hi there.
How are you gentlemen doing tonight?
Um, reservation under
Mendes. M-E-N-D-E-S, Kylie.
I was just looking for Mother.
Is that Does your mom work here or?
Hm, no. She's my opossum.
She's usually home in time
for us to enjoy the sunset together.
What part of Denver did
you boys say you were from?
Long Island.
(GASPS, SNIFFLES)
I see you booked the maid's quarters.
(LAUGHS)
It's no reason to freak out.
(SNIFFLES, HUMMING)
Are you okay?
Yes. Yes!
Here's your key.
- ANN: Thank you.
- Yes.
BETH: Should she put a glove on?
- (MOUTHING)
- (SLAMS DRAWER)
Follow me!
♪♪
Was Kylie supposed to come?
- I guess.
- Well, what happened?
Nothing happened in the maid's quarters!
It's just the maid's quarters!
- (DONDI LIGHTLY SOBS)
- It's just a room for maids.
- I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
- Come on.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
♪♪
- Oh.
- (DOOR, FLOOR CREAKING)
DONDI: There ya go.
- Whoa.
- DONDI: The maid's quarters.
Oh, my God. Why is it so cold in here?
(WHEEZING LAUGH) It's crazy, right?
I would bring you a portable heater,
but a-anything we plug
in in here just explodes.
Just in this room.
(EVIL LAUGHING)
Um okay.
W Uh,
hey, why didn't, um,
why didn't Kylie come?
Oh, I don't know. She just didn't.
Let's go down for the reenactment.
Reenactment?
This was the exact meal the Duprees ate
on that fated night in 1892.
Stewed liver, boiled
carrots, and mutton.
Um, what is mutton?
CAT: Really old lamb.
- Ew.
- I have this chair.
All original furniture was
destroyed by townspeople
terrified by the demonic spirits
the house contained. Bread?
The rugs were so soiled
by hemoglobin and urine
that they disintegrated and were
absorbed into the floorboards.
(EXCITED GIGGLING)
Did anyone feel that draft?
- I have this rug.
- (GIGGLES)
- What the fuck happened here?
- Shh.
Curtis? That's correct, right?
You have a baby face!
Curtis, will you do me the honor
- of portraying the role of Mr. Dupree?
- CURTIS: Sure.
He had his nut sack
chopped off and fed to him.
- This is not good.
- I think it's great.
We're doing a murder
tour of the Northeast
for our anniversary.
- What about you?
- Uh, th It's, um,
- it's a present from my ex.
- So, you did break up
Yeah, I don't wanna
talk about it right now.
DONDI: Let's walk you through
what's sure to be your
new favorite murder!
Tonight was to be a
celebration of Suzanne.
That should be you!
- Me?
- Suzanne was the eldest
and homeliest daughter.
Doomed to be a spinster.
That means everyone thought
she'd die alone.
- She'd be perfect.
- Yeah.
CAT: Maura, you'll play Diana,
Suzanne's ill-fated, way younger,
extremely prettier sister.
Next, we'll head into the drawing room
where you can hack up your
family beyond recognition!
But first, let's finish dinner.
(CREEPY LAUGHING)
Did anyone see the
lights change? (LAUGHS)
I can't wait to tell Mother! (LAUGHS)
(LOUD EATING)
(EXCESSIVE MOANING)
- (GROSS EATING SOUNDS)
- (CUTLERY CLANKING)
BETH: Do you think I
look like that painting?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- ANN: What?
- Tell me what happened.
Oh, my God. Anything I say,
you'll just twist it
to how it's all my fault
and I should change every
fucking thing about myself
because you know everything
about how to fix my life
even though you're the one
with glaring, flagrant problems.
- So glad I decided to come.
- (ANN SIGHS)
Does that feel like maybe enough salt?
- (SLAM)
- It's really old!
Okay.
- Oh, good one.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- ANN: Daddy! Hi!
- Girls?
- ANN: Hi. (GIGGLES)
- You're still awake?
Yeah.
What are you guys doin'?
You get that TV to work?
Where's the food
and-and the air mattress?
Oh, shit.
Forgot the stupid air
mattress. I got such a headache.
Girls, I'm sorry.
Let me just get a, uh,
uh, some towels and, uh
and a pillowcase, and, uh
we'll figure it out tomorrow.
We're leaving. Come on.
What? Beth?
- No, what?
- Yeah, get your stuff.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Alright, I'm driving.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(FIRE CRACKLING)
(CREEPY LAUGH)
This is the ax she used!
Isn't it the prettiest
thing you've ever seen?
(GASPS) Woo!
(ALL GASP)
It's foam!
(RELIEVED LAUGHTER)
So, Beth, uh, do you wanna try
to chop off your father's genitals?
N I'm gonna pass.
- Thank you for the opportunity.
- Why?
- I'll do it.
- Okay.
Alright, babe, you ready?
Time to snip the huevos.
- (GRUNTS)
- (CURTIS GROANS)
Good work. Beth, you
ready to kill your sister?
Yes, she is.
I'm just looking for
some answers from her.
Well, I'd rather die.
Alright, Millie, you wanna
take a thwack out of Diane?
Go ahead.
- (GRUNTING, GROANING)
- Perfect! Yeah.
I-I'm really sorry about Kylie,
and I don't think everything
is your fault at all.
I-I just I worry about
how worked up you get
because it's not good
for your nervous system.
Okay, well, you saying
that makes me mad.
- Yeah, of course it does.
- No, this is who I am, Beth.
Worry about your own nervous system.
I am! I am.
That's why I'm working to realize that,
ya know, not everyone who
triggers me is our parents
or the boys who were
mean to me growing up.
Ya know, I'm-I'm changing
my inner monologue.
When I wake up now, I-I think,
"This is gonna be a great day."
Ya know? What do you tell
yourself in the morning?
I tell myself to make
coffee and eat mushrooms,
and that this world and
everything in it blows.
- That's your inner monologue?
- Yeah.
My inner monologue sounds like
- the planes hitting the towers.
- (GRUNTING CONTINUES)
Diana lies there bleeding out,
seizing, and shitting,
and pissing herself!
At that moment, a ravenous
dog entered the room
and began to eat all the human remains!
Pat! Come on!
(PAT BARKING WILDLY)
DONDI: Diana rises from the dead
and chokes out her sister
with the last strength that she has!
While the dog keeps eating her.
Look, I-I'm not doing a
good job describing it,
- but when you read the book, trust me
- Okay, the book, the book.
I will never, ever read that book, okay?
I will never read the book.
And you know what?
Actually, I was going to
and now I never will, okay? I
will never read another book.
Not even if a new Harry
Potter one comes out,
and J.K. Rowling rescinds
all her transphobic shit!
I won't read it! I
will never read again!
- Not even a stop sign!
- Well, I never said the name of the book.
How to Do the Work by Nicole Lepera.
- That's not it!
- Oh, really?
What's your book called?
- Working the Work.
- Great. Who wrote it?
Mark Twerk.
ANN: Mark Twerk wrote the book
- Yeah.
- about doin' the work?
- Yes.
- You're an even better liar than Mom.
Congratulations. You're
totally ready to have a kid.
Good luck with the IVF. I hope it takes.
Ouch.
I'm the one like Mom?
Yes. You're self-centered, you make
other people's pain all about you,
you're a liar, and you're blonde!
I think you tick all the boxes!
You are just saying hurtful things
because you're in pain, okay?
A-And I will not let that trigger me.
I'm sorry. I'm just evolved past that.
I won't say things to you
like how you're so hell-bent
on just holding onto every ounce of rage
in your body and hurting yourself,
and any baby that you ever carried
would be immediately destroyed.
ANN: Well, that's why
I'm not gonna have kids.
Unlike you, who is totally
unfit to be a parent!
- PAT: W-Well, that was nice
- (AWKWARD SIGHS)
but circling back to why we're here.
Then, the maid walks in
and slits the rest
of the guests' throat.
- Who wants to be the maid?
- ANN: I would love to be the maid!
That's the person who comes in
and cleans up everyone's shit, right?
Endures emotional abuse?
I relate to that role!
Excuse me, how do you
clean up anybody's mess?
You barely leave your apartment.
I came to your stupid wedding, didn't I?
BETH: For two seconds. You
left right after the ceremony.
- We do weddings here.
- Okay, so traveling thousands of miles
doesn't count for anything 'cause I
didn't stay to watch
you drink hurricanes
with your alcoholic friends?
I'd rather drink with my friends
than hang out with
murder-obsessed weirdos.
At least my sister likes me.
Look, I didn't want to
be home tonight, okay?
I didn't wanna be there
and watch Kylie pack up
all her shit and move out!
Is that okay with you?
Does that line up with whatever idea
you have in your head
about what's wrong with me?
BETH: It actually totally does.
Runs from conflict,
accepts no accountability.
See, this is why I protect
myself when I'm around you
because I know I'm not safe with you!
It's not an old narrative!
You are currently hurting me!
Right fucking now!
You're hurting me right now! Okay?
You have no self-esteem whatsoever,
but you still think
you're the smartest person
in every room.
I mean, how is that even possible?
I have no idea, but it's not hard
to be the smartest person in the
room when the other person in the room
is just a raging, narcissistic child!
M-Maybe someone else
should be the maid.
- Oh, I've been a maid.
- PAT: Okay, yeah.
ANN: We're not kids anymore.
You can't manipulate me
into thinking I need you.
I know you, Beth!
I know you better than anyone else
on this entire fucking planet!
And I'm going home.
Well, I'm not! I'm staying here.
I don't run from my problems.
I breathe through them.
Box breathe!
In for four! Hold for four!
Out for four! Hold for two!
All in and out through the nose!
Like it says in the book!
It was a pleasure to
have you, Ann! Come again!
Happy birthday!
GUESTS: Happy birthday!
ANN: Yes.
Thank you, Dondi. Thank you.
It is my fucking birthday!
Oh, fuck you and your fucking birthday!
Get the fuck outta here!
Great, bye. Have a nice baby.
(CAR RUMBLING, SPLASHING)
(PARKING BRAKE CLICK)
- ANN: Oh, my God, I'm starving!
- BETH: I know, me too.
(GASPS) What?
Oh, my babies! (LAUGHS)
Oh, could you feel that I needed you?
And now you're home!
Well, um, Daddy didn't have any food.
What? Oh, my God.
Um, Annie got homesick,
so I thought we should just sleep here.
JANE (SIGHS): I'm so glad
I'm not gonna be alone this weekend!
(SIGHS) Hey, Beth, come here.
I got somethin' I need
to tell you. Come on.
(SIGHS) So
Simon
he's not the man I thought he was,
and I realized
he couldn't give me what I need.
What I need is to be alone
for a long time
with my girls.
Sounds like a clear revelation
that you'll stick to.
(KISSES, GASP) I have such a good idea!
Let's snuggle on this couch,
- and eat some snacks
- (ANN GIGGLES)
and watch a fun movie like,
like Bridges of Madison County
or-or Heartburn. And
I'll make some Pop Secret.
- Ooh, yeah!
- (JANE GIGGLES)
I was thinking I would go to Jen's.
She's having a sleepover.
But, Beth, we're gonna watch
Bridges with Heartburn.
(SIGHS)
Sometimes I just wanna
hang out with my friends.
I love you, but I can't
always take care of you.
Beth, you aren't taking care of me.
I mean, we were just hanging out.
Now you can hang out with Mom.
- (ANN SIGHS)
- (COUCH CREAKS)
I'm gonna be going to school soon,
so we need to get used to it.
I love you, okay?
Let's get Italian ices tomorrow.
- Love you.
- JANE: Bye, Beth.
- ANN: Bye.
- (JANE SIGHS)
♪♪
We're gonna have some Mommy-Annie time.
Honey, are you okay?
Do you not feel good?
You don't feel so good, I can tell.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
- (WIND BLOWING)
- (WINDOW RATTLING)
(SOFT WHEEZING)
(HORROR STING)
(SCREAMS)
♪♪
- BETH: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- (SLAMS DOOR)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hello?
- BETH (OVER PHONE): Fucking Ann.
I went to this stupid
haunted, like, mansion
or whatever the fuck with her tonight.
She's so fucked up.
So, you canceled on me to go
do some voodoo shit with Ann
- when you said you had to work?
- No.
I absolutely really did
have to work. I went to work,
and then she invited me.
And, you know, she-she
never invites me anywhere.
(OVER PHONE) That's the
only reason. I swear
So, fuck the friend who's
always there for you?
(SIGHS) No, it's not like that. I-I
(SIGHS) God.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
MAYA (OVER PHONE): You know, Beth?
I feel like the
blindfold has been lifted.
(RAP MUSIC CONTINUES)
I'm not sure I want
this friendship anymore.
- I gotta go.
- (HANGS UP)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR OPENS)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
- (MUFFLED STREET NOISE)
Hey.
- Do I manipulate you?
- Of course not.
You did kind of, um, like
make me come into the
city and then abandon me.
I'm really sorry I did that.
I'm never gonna do
anything like that again.
I mean it. I
And when it's your birthday, will
you just tell me it's your birthday?
Don't-Don't punish me if
I forget it, and, like,
let me find out the next
day or something, like,
'cause I wanna celebrate it with you.
Okay. It's not for a while,
though. It's in September.
Tell me when I have my phone,
so I can put it in. I
- (DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS)
- It's the 15th of September, so
- can you just remember?
- COLE: Oh, my God!
- (CRASH)
- Shit! Sorry. (SNIFFS) Good morning!
Or evening. Whatever. Hold on.
(SIGHS)
John.
What?
I don't wanna be a mom.
♪♪
I'm sorry. I
I can't handle it.
I-I-I'm, I'm manipulative,
and I'm selfish, and I-I
I say hurtful things
to the people I love, so
I don't wanna have a baby. I'm sorry.
(FOOTSTEPS)
Okay Who's pregnant?
- What?
- This is a positive pregnancy test.
Which I only found because
looking through the garbage is my job.
I wasn't looking for old coke.
- It's a negative test.
- It's, It's negative.
It's got two lines through it.
- Yeah! Two lines mean positive!
- Two lines? That's positive.
And I think that one line is
positive and two is negative?
BETH: No!
- I'm pregnant.
- Oh, God.
You can take the day for the abortion,
but it's coming outta your salary.
♪♪
You're pregnant?
I'm pregnant.
(EMOTIONAL CRESCENDO)
(DOOR OPENS)
SPEAKER: Cole, is that you?
Oh, shit. Ghislaine, you're out.
- Holy fuck.
- I know.
You're pregnant.
(LIVELY STRING MUSIC PLAYING)
(VOCALISTS SINGING)
♪♪
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
It's so easy.
♪♪
AUTOMATED VOICE: Step four:
- Meet the activated ego.
- (FLIES BUZZING)
As we expand our level
of conscious awareness,
we can see that we are
not our ego stories.
Thoughts happen to us.
They don't mean anything
about who we are.
They're simply our ego
attempting to defend our identity
and protect us from pain.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hey.
- MAYA (OVER PHONE): Hey, girl.
This thing is gonna be
super packed tonight,
so we gotta get there early.
- What thing?
- I got us tickets to see
Isabel Wilkerson tonight,
and you said you'd go with me. Are y
Are you serious right now?
Shit, I'm so sorry.
Cole needs me to work.
(OVER PHONE) I know this is,
like, your favorite author.
She wrote, uh, Castaway or whatever.
It's called Caste, and
you said you'd read it, too.
I know, I got totally
wrapped up in this other book.
It's, like, changing my life.
Have you ever heard of box breathing?
- (HANGS UP)
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- Got your stuff.
- Maya wants me dead.
Oh, we'll all die someday.
Here's your toothpaste.
I know we just started trying, but.
Oh, my God. You're so cute
that you bought this already.
This is gonna be my first time
wanting a positive result
on a pregnancy test.
(SIGHS) Alright.
I should go.
I'll be there for, like, two days.
I'll miss you.
You don't actually have to miss me.
You could come with me.
Ya know?
It's supposed to be, like,
really a-an amazing house.
The people are, like,
fancy. Beautiful views.
Go there with you in Manhattan?
Yeah.
Um, but I know your routine
is really important, so
don't-don't worry about it.
Just forget I even mentioned it.
Just Yeah, take it off the table.
The offer's off the table.
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hello. Good morning.
- (DISTANT SIREN)
- Hello. How are you?
- (BETH LAUGHS)
You don't have to say
hi to everybody we pass.
I'm so glad you came.
Ya know, that you felt
comfortable, or I
don't know how to say it.
I'm not comfortable, but I
wanna spend time with you and
like Dr. Morris says, "Life is about
more than just being comfortable."
Good morning. Hi. Thank you so much.
I love that we're both
working on ourselves, ya know?
You're workin' with Dr.
Morris, and I'm reading that
Well, listening to that book.
It's really helping me get
rid of my old narratives.
Ya know who should read the book is Ann.
Oh, Ann loves it when
you tell her what to do.
- (BETH LAUGHS)
- Has she gotten back to you?
Of course not.
♪♪
- (LEONARD MUMBLING)
- (GIGGLES)
LEONARD: And Bethy knows
her way around the place.
- (DROPS KEYS)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
But, Annie, just, uh
make yourself at home. It's, uh
The kitchen's over there,
and this is the, uh,
living/dining room/only
room besides my bedroom.
And then, we have the boys
and girls bathroom over there.
And we're gonna have
a great weekend, girls.
Um, where are we gonna sleep?
Well, you usually sleep
on the couch, right?
Okay, yeah, but both of us won't fit.
I can, I can just sleep on the ground.
- That'd be fine.
- Great.
- No.
- LEONARD: No.
You're right, no. She's not a cat.
- (LAUGHS) You're Yeah.
- Uh, I-I'm gonna go, uh, pop over
to my friend Jeanie's house.
She's got one of those
fancy air mattresses,
and you could sleep on
that like a princess.
Okay. Um, do you have anything to eat?
Yeah, I got food to eat.
I got all kinds of shit.
- ANN (CHUCKLES): Okay.
- We have, uh
Lemme see what we have. We have cereal.
I got Cookie Chunks.
You know these, right?
- ANN: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- Slam dunk with Cookie Chunks
and, um Oh, fuck. I don't have milk.
You know what? I'm gonna go get milk.
I'm gonna go get some, some milk.
I'm gonna get some chicken,
and we're gonna make tacos,
and I'ma get ice cream, okay?
- ANN: Okay.
- Don't forget the air mattress.
I'm gonna get the air mattress.
I'll be back in, like, 45 minutes.
And you could turn on the TV.
If it doesn't work,
just, ya know, smack it.
(ECHOING DOOR SLAM)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Eh, right?
No! That belonged to one
of Queen Elizabeth's corgis.
Put it back. That's a squirt factory.
- Put it back!
- Oh, my God.
COLE: Don't smell it!
- Made some lunch.
- Thanks, hon'.
- Yeah, hon'.
- BETH: I'm gonna eat
right as soon as I pee on this stick.
No foreplay in front of me, please.
Hey, can you tell me where
the screening room is?
I wanna show Beth this series I
love called the River Cottage.
Oh, thrilling. Yeah, it's
through the billiard room,
uh, past the cigar chamber waiting room.
Uh, by the Prince Andrew statue!
- (SIGHS)
- (URINATING)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
- Annie!
- Are you in the bathroom?
- No!
- You sound all echoey
like you're surrounded
by porcelain and bleach.
Yeah, um, I don't know.
That's weird 'cause definitely not
- in the bathroom.
- (FLUSHING)
Thanks for calling.
ANN (OVER PHONE): You don't
even know why I'm calling.
I know, but you're calling.
Well, I didn't wanna not call you back
'cause then you'd just keep calling.
BETH (OVER PHONE): I
really wanted to thank you
because we got in touch
with that therapist
and she diagnosed John with ASD.
- She's been amazing.
- Cool.
I'm glad we connected. I
gotta go. I got a lot to do.
Yeah. Oh, John?
Would you please check
- the test in the bathroom?
- What test?
- BETH (OVER PHONE): Pregnancy test.
- JOHN (OVER PHONE): Yes.
- Wow.
- BETH (OVER PHONE): I know.
We, like, just started trying, so.
I bet we'll have to do IVF,
but I heard that stands
for "It's very fun."
I'm not worried about it.
Hey!
Not pregnant. Okay. (SIGHS)
No worries, not pregnant.
Ya know, (SIGHS) I'd
really like to see you.
Uh, can I come over?
I could make you guys
dinner, you and Kylie, or
more realistically, order?
Or you could make me dinner.
Well, (CLEARS THROAT) I'm staying at a
haunted mansion tonight, so
Perfect! I'll come with
you! I'm totally free.
No, that's not really an invitation.
I've always wanted to go to a mansion.
Ya know, just like The Bachelor.
Or the mansion on, um
The Bachelorette.
- Oh, my God.
- BETH: So, how haunted
are we talking here?
Ya know, like Poltergeist
or like Clue?
(HANGS UP)
- Hello?
- (PHONE BEEPS)
♪♪
So, there's a little
bit of new development.
- (SIGHS) Um.
- Mm-hm.
Ann just called me,
and she was kinda, like, begging me
to go on this, like,
sisters overnight trip with her.
- What, tonight?
- Yeah.
Which, I know. I was
like, I can't, obviously,
unless you think I should.
I-I think she might've been crying,
and sounded like she
really wanted me there.
I don't know, but, I
mean, we're here together
and I wanna be together.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but I think you're right,
and I should just go and be with her
because she, like, never
invites me anywhere,
and so, I-I think I should go.
Thank you for talking me through that.
Yeah, sorry. I'm gonna go.
Where the F are you going?
I need to rush to be
by my sister's side.
It's kind of a little
bit of an emergency,
but John will be able to help you.
- You'll be great at this.
- COLE: Yeah, great,
just do whatever you want
and ignore my authority.
Thank you.
- (SHATTERS)
- Oh, careful. You'll-You'll break it.
Oh, that's fine. This is discard.
Oh, really? None of this was
- squishing for you?
- Squirt.
No, dry as a bone.
("POINT OF NO RETURN" BY NU
SHOOZ PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
It's fun to be together,
you have to admit.
You stupid, fucking,
cock-mother-sucker! Go!
- Go! Jesus Christ, just go!
- (REVVING)
You know what's interesting
- is that our reaction to moments like this
- (RADIO DJ CHATTER)
are all based on our
core beliefs about ourself
that are created when we're children.
Fuck. Can you believe this fucking guy?
Like, he's still He's
not even using his blinker!
You want me to drive?
- No, I've got it.
- I'm happy to.
- No. God, Beth, I can drive.
- Okay. Yeah.
- It's just a lot. I'm fine.
- Yep. No, you're right.
You seem, you seem good.
I mean, do you like it when
people make you read their mind
- by not using their blinker?
- No. No, I get upset. I get upset, too.
- How come this place is haunted?
- Dupree murders.
- Is that, like, NXIVM or something?
- What?!
- I don't know.
- You never heard of the Dupree murders?
- I don't think so.
- Oh. Suzanne Dupree
killed her family
with an ax in the 1800s
in glorious fashion.
She, like, split their faces open
(CHUCKLES) with the ax.
- Are you seeing a therapist?
- What?
Just 'cause you hooked
us up with Dr. Morris.
I'm just wondering, do you Is it
Is that how Do you go see her?
- No, Kylie found her.
- She's great. Oh, good.
Have you ever thought about, like,
ya know, going? I know
you used to go, like
No! I microdose, like
every morning pretty much,
which I've told you about.
- Yeah.
- And it really, really helps.
I just I'm-I'm I'm
about to finish this book.
- You read a book?
- Yeah.
- Well, listened to, mostly, but
- Okay. Well, that counts.
And I think you would think
it was really interesting
because, because of our,
like, our childhood traumas,
our brains sort of perceive any, like,
little triggers as, like, a threat.
And so, we're constantly
flooding our own nervous systems
with, like, feelings
of rage or rejection,
or, like, ya know, just,
like, defensiveness.
- Mm-huh.
- And, ya know, it's a physical thing.
And-And it has great tips on breathing.
Like how we should be breathing.
- I'm gonna send it to you.
- No, no, no. I think I'm really
Everything's pretty good in my world.
- (BOUNCING, BRAKES SCREECH)
- (BOTH SCREAM)
(BOTH GASP)
Oh, my God! Okay! Okay!
- No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no.
- Oh, fuck!
It's okay. It's not your fault.
- Not your fault! That's fine.
- Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, my God!
- This is why I hate to drive!
- Okay. Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, fuck, you made me drive.
Okay, that's not true, but
this is what I'm talkin' about.
Your This is your inner
child looking to blame me
because everybody you've trusted
your whole life has hurt you.
Okay, this is your old trauma
- Fuck you! You are one of those people!
- Yeah. That's fair.
And now there is a dead animal
in the middle of the road!
This is a good point. Just
d-do this with me, okay?
(SNIFFS) Inhale for four,
(INHALES) hold for four
- Fuck.
- out for four, hold for two.
Box breathing, it's called.
All through your nose.
We should all just be
breathing through our nose.
(ANN BREATHING HEAVILY)
Did you do the hold for four? I
feel like you're skipping the hold.
- No!
- Are you feeling better?
No, I'm not! We need
to go see what we hit!
Or! Or! Hey. Hear me out.
We keep going.
We never look back. We
never know what we hit.
- Okay, no. I realize we're going out now.
- Goddamnit!
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God, it's a opossum.
It's okay. It's okay.
Okay.
Should we move it out
of the road or something?
I don't Is it, like, a busy
- I don't know.
- road, like
- (OPOSSUM HISSING)
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
Fuck! (WAILING)
Oh, fuck! Oh, God!
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I
fucking hate opossums!
- Oh, God, they're just so gross!
- (ANN WAILING)
Oh, God! They have no spines!
- They I don't know why
- Oh, God!
- I just remember that!
- I don't wanna know that!
Don't tell me that.
They're just little rat-faced rats!
- Oh, God! That was fucking gross!
- Okay, fine, but we just
We have to put it out of its misery.
Alright. Yeah, y-you're right. Okay.
- There's a, there's a stick. Go hit it!
- No!
Are you crazy? Out of your mind?
I'm not hitting it with a stick!
We have to run over it with the car.
- Oh, God Really?
- We have to run over Yes!
Okay, you wanna do it?
- No, fuck! Come on!
- No, I'm here! I got it!
- No, I'm doing it, okay?
- Beth, it's suffering.
Can we just get to it?
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
God, okay, okay.
- To the left. To the left!
- Okay. Stop! I got it!
- (CRUNCH)
- (GROANING) Oh, God! Oh, God!
Are you sure they don't have spines?
I feel like it cracked! Oh, God.
- Okay, okay, that, that, that
- Probably it's skull.
- That did it. That did it, right?
- No, you have to do it
one more time just to make sure that
it's really dead and not in pain.
- Okay, okay! God, really? Okay.
- Yes!
Fucking do it! Come on!
- Okay, okay.
- Slower, slower.
Any slower will be
legally fucking stopped.
- (BUMPING, CRUNCHING)
- (SCREAMING, GROANING)
Okay. Okay, right? That's good?
It's gotta be dead. We should check.
- I think I'm gonna throw up.
- Oh, God, oh, God.
Okay, let's just check
one more time, okay?
(DEEP INHALE)
- (MUFFLED MUSIC FROM RADIO)
- Oh!
- (OPOSSUM HISSING)
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
It was playing opossum!
It was playing opossum!
♪♪
(CAR ROARING)
(PAINED, WEAK SCREECHING)
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
- (OWL HOOTING)
- (WOLF HOWL)
SPEAKER: Mother? Mother?
BETH: That's really
creepy. Did you hear that?
- ANN: Yeah.
- SPEAKER: Mother.
ANN: Come on, come on, come on, come on.
(DOOR CREAKS)
SPEAKER: Mother?
Mother.
Mother?
(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)
(CREEPY VOCALIZING)
Mother?
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
Mother?
(STAIRS CREAKING)
Mother.
Hello?
(LAUGHS)
Hi there.
How are you gentlemen doing tonight?
Um, reservation under
Mendes. M-E-N-D-E-S, Kylie.
I was just looking for Mother.
Is that Does your mom work here or?
Hm, no. She's my opossum.
She's usually home in time
for us to enjoy the sunset together.
What part of Denver did
you boys say you were from?
Long Island.
(GASPS, SNIFFLES)
I see you booked the maid's quarters.
(LAUGHS)
It's no reason to freak out.
(SNIFFLES, HUMMING)
Are you okay?
Yes. Yes!
Here's your key.
- ANN: Thank you.
- Yes.
BETH: Should she put a glove on?
- (MOUTHING)
- (SLAMS DRAWER)
Follow me!
♪♪
Was Kylie supposed to come?
- I guess.
- Well, what happened?
Nothing happened in the maid's quarters!
It's just the maid's quarters!
- (DONDI LIGHTLY SOBS)
- It's just a room for maids.
- I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
- Come on.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
♪♪
- Oh.
- (DOOR, FLOOR CREAKING)
DONDI: There ya go.
- Whoa.
- DONDI: The maid's quarters.
Oh, my God. Why is it so cold in here?
(WHEEZING LAUGH) It's crazy, right?
I would bring you a portable heater,
but a-anything we plug
in in here just explodes.
Just in this room.
(EVIL LAUGHING)
Um okay.
W Uh,
hey, why didn't, um,
why didn't Kylie come?
Oh, I don't know. She just didn't.
Let's go down for the reenactment.
Reenactment?
This was the exact meal the Duprees ate
on that fated night in 1892.
Stewed liver, boiled
carrots, and mutton.
Um, what is mutton?
CAT: Really old lamb.
- Ew.
- I have this chair.
All original furniture was
destroyed by townspeople
terrified by the demonic spirits
the house contained. Bread?
The rugs were so soiled
by hemoglobin and urine
that they disintegrated and were
absorbed into the floorboards.
(EXCITED GIGGLING)
Did anyone feel that draft?
- I have this rug.
- (GIGGLES)
- What the fuck happened here?
- Shh.
Curtis? That's correct, right?
You have a baby face!
Curtis, will you do me the honor
- of portraying the role of Mr. Dupree?
- CURTIS: Sure.
He had his nut sack
chopped off and fed to him.
- This is not good.
- I think it's great.
We're doing a murder
tour of the Northeast
for our anniversary.
- What about you?
- Uh, th It's, um,
- it's a present from my ex.
- So, you did break up
Yeah, I don't wanna
talk about it right now.
DONDI: Let's walk you through
what's sure to be your
new favorite murder!
Tonight was to be a
celebration of Suzanne.
That should be you!
- Me?
- Suzanne was the eldest
and homeliest daughter.
Doomed to be a spinster.
That means everyone thought
she'd die alone.
- She'd be perfect.
- Yeah.
CAT: Maura, you'll play Diana,
Suzanne's ill-fated, way younger,
extremely prettier sister.
Next, we'll head into the drawing room
where you can hack up your
family beyond recognition!
But first, let's finish dinner.
(CREEPY LAUGHING)
Did anyone see the
lights change? (LAUGHS)
I can't wait to tell Mother! (LAUGHS)
(LOUD EATING)
(EXCESSIVE MOANING)
- (GROSS EATING SOUNDS)
- (CUTLERY CLANKING)
BETH: Do you think I
look like that painting?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- ANN: What?
- Tell me what happened.
Oh, my God. Anything I say,
you'll just twist it
to how it's all my fault
and I should change every
fucking thing about myself
because you know everything
about how to fix my life
even though you're the one
with glaring, flagrant problems.
- So glad I decided to come.
- (ANN SIGHS)
Does that feel like maybe enough salt?
- (SLAM)
- It's really old!
Okay.
- Oh, good one.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- ANN: Daddy! Hi!
- Girls?
- ANN: Hi. (GIGGLES)
- You're still awake?
Yeah.
What are you guys doin'?
You get that TV to work?
Where's the food
and-and the air mattress?
Oh, shit.
Forgot the stupid air
mattress. I got such a headache.
Girls, I'm sorry.
Let me just get a, uh,
uh, some towels and, uh
and a pillowcase, and, uh
we'll figure it out tomorrow.
We're leaving. Come on.
What? Beth?
- No, what?
- Yeah, get your stuff.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Alright, I'm driving.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(FIRE CRACKLING)
(CREEPY LAUGH)
This is the ax she used!
Isn't it the prettiest
thing you've ever seen?
(GASPS) Woo!
(ALL GASP)
It's foam!
(RELIEVED LAUGHTER)
So, Beth, uh, do you wanna try
to chop off your father's genitals?
N I'm gonna pass.
- Thank you for the opportunity.
- Why?
- I'll do it.
- Okay.
Alright, babe, you ready?
Time to snip the huevos.
- (GRUNTS)
- (CURTIS GROANS)
Good work. Beth, you
ready to kill your sister?
Yes, she is.
I'm just looking for
some answers from her.
Well, I'd rather die.
Alright, Millie, you wanna
take a thwack out of Diane?
Go ahead.
- (GRUNTING, GROANING)
- Perfect! Yeah.
I-I'm really sorry about Kylie,
and I don't think everything
is your fault at all.
I-I just I worry about
how worked up you get
because it's not good
for your nervous system.
Okay, well, you saying
that makes me mad.
- Yeah, of course it does.
- No, this is who I am, Beth.
Worry about your own nervous system.
I am! I am.
That's why I'm working to realize that,
ya know, not everyone who
triggers me is our parents
or the boys who were
mean to me growing up.
Ya know, I'm-I'm changing
my inner monologue.
When I wake up now, I-I think,
"This is gonna be a great day."
Ya know? What do you tell
yourself in the morning?
I tell myself to make
coffee and eat mushrooms,
and that this world and
everything in it blows.
- That's your inner monologue?
- Yeah.
My inner monologue sounds like
- the planes hitting the towers.
- (GRUNTING CONTINUES)
Diana lies there bleeding out,
seizing, and shitting,
and pissing herself!
At that moment, a ravenous
dog entered the room
and began to eat all the human remains!
Pat! Come on!
(PAT BARKING WILDLY)
DONDI: Diana rises from the dead
and chokes out her sister
with the last strength that she has!
While the dog keeps eating her.
Look, I-I'm not doing a
good job describing it,
- but when you read the book, trust me
- Okay, the book, the book.
I will never, ever read that book, okay?
I will never read the book.
And you know what?
Actually, I was going to
and now I never will, okay? I
will never read another book.
Not even if a new Harry
Potter one comes out,
and J.K. Rowling rescinds
all her transphobic shit!
I won't read it! I
will never read again!
- Not even a stop sign!
- Well, I never said the name of the book.
How to Do the Work by Nicole Lepera.
- That's not it!
- Oh, really?
What's your book called?
- Working the Work.
- Great. Who wrote it?
Mark Twerk.
ANN: Mark Twerk wrote the book
- Yeah.
- about doin' the work?
- Yes.
- You're an even better liar than Mom.
Congratulations. You're
totally ready to have a kid.
Good luck with the IVF. I hope it takes.
Ouch.
I'm the one like Mom?
Yes. You're self-centered, you make
other people's pain all about you,
you're a liar, and you're blonde!
I think you tick all the boxes!
You are just saying hurtful things
because you're in pain, okay?
A-And I will not let that trigger me.
I'm sorry. I'm just evolved past that.
I won't say things to you
like how you're so hell-bent
on just holding onto every ounce of rage
in your body and hurting yourself,
and any baby that you ever carried
would be immediately destroyed.
ANN: Well, that's why
I'm not gonna have kids.
Unlike you, who is totally
unfit to be a parent!
- PAT: W-Well, that was nice
- (AWKWARD SIGHS)
but circling back to why we're here.
Then, the maid walks in
and slits the rest
of the guests' throat.
- Who wants to be the maid?
- ANN: I would love to be the maid!
That's the person who comes in
and cleans up everyone's shit, right?
Endures emotional abuse?
I relate to that role!
Excuse me, how do you
clean up anybody's mess?
You barely leave your apartment.
I came to your stupid wedding, didn't I?
BETH: For two seconds. You
left right after the ceremony.
- We do weddings here.
- Okay, so traveling thousands of miles
doesn't count for anything 'cause I
didn't stay to watch
you drink hurricanes
with your alcoholic friends?
I'd rather drink with my friends
than hang out with
murder-obsessed weirdos.
At least my sister likes me.
Look, I didn't want to
be home tonight, okay?
I didn't wanna be there
and watch Kylie pack up
all her shit and move out!
Is that okay with you?
Does that line up with whatever idea
you have in your head
about what's wrong with me?
BETH: It actually totally does.
Runs from conflict,
accepts no accountability.
See, this is why I protect
myself when I'm around you
because I know I'm not safe with you!
It's not an old narrative!
You are currently hurting me!
Right fucking now!
You're hurting me right now! Okay?
You have no self-esteem whatsoever,
but you still think
you're the smartest person
in every room.
I mean, how is that even possible?
I have no idea, but it's not hard
to be the smartest person in the
room when the other person in the room
is just a raging, narcissistic child!
M-Maybe someone else
should be the maid.
- Oh, I've been a maid.
- PAT: Okay, yeah.
ANN: We're not kids anymore.
You can't manipulate me
into thinking I need you.
I know you, Beth!
I know you better than anyone else
on this entire fucking planet!
And I'm going home.
Well, I'm not! I'm staying here.
I don't run from my problems.
I breathe through them.
Box breathe!
In for four! Hold for four!
Out for four! Hold for two!
All in and out through the nose!
Like it says in the book!
It was a pleasure to
have you, Ann! Come again!
Happy birthday!
GUESTS: Happy birthday!
ANN: Yes.
Thank you, Dondi. Thank you.
It is my fucking birthday!
Oh, fuck you and your fucking birthday!
Get the fuck outta here!
Great, bye. Have a nice baby.
(CAR RUMBLING, SPLASHING)
(PARKING BRAKE CLICK)
- ANN: Oh, my God, I'm starving!
- BETH: I know, me too.
(GASPS) What?
Oh, my babies! (LAUGHS)
Oh, could you feel that I needed you?
And now you're home!
Well, um, Daddy didn't have any food.
What? Oh, my God.
Um, Annie got homesick,
so I thought we should just sleep here.
JANE (SIGHS): I'm so glad
I'm not gonna be alone this weekend!
(SIGHS) Hey, Beth, come here.
I got somethin' I need
to tell you. Come on.
(SIGHS) So
Simon
he's not the man I thought he was,
and I realized
he couldn't give me what I need.
What I need is to be alone
for a long time
with my girls.
Sounds like a clear revelation
that you'll stick to.
(KISSES, GASP) I have such a good idea!
Let's snuggle on this couch,
- and eat some snacks
- (ANN GIGGLES)
and watch a fun movie like,
like Bridges of Madison County
or-or Heartburn. And
I'll make some Pop Secret.
- Ooh, yeah!
- (JANE GIGGLES)
I was thinking I would go to Jen's.
She's having a sleepover.
But, Beth, we're gonna watch
Bridges with Heartburn.
(SIGHS)
Sometimes I just wanna
hang out with my friends.
I love you, but I can't
always take care of you.
Beth, you aren't taking care of me.
I mean, we were just hanging out.
Now you can hang out with Mom.
- (ANN SIGHS)
- (COUCH CREAKS)
I'm gonna be going to school soon,
so we need to get used to it.
I love you, okay?
Let's get Italian ices tomorrow.
- Love you.
- JANE: Bye, Beth.
- ANN: Bye.
- (JANE SIGHS)
♪♪
We're gonna have some Mommy-Annie time.
Honey, are you okay?
Do you not feel good?
You don't feel so good, I can tell.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
- (WIND BLOWING)
- (WINDOW RATTLING)
(SOFT WHEEZING)
(HORROR STING)
(SCREAMS)
♪♪
- BETH: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- (SLAMS DOOR)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hello?
- BETH (OVER PHONE): Fucking Ann.
I went to this stupid
haunted, like, mansion
or whatever the fuck with her tonight.
She's so fucked up.
So, you canceled on me to go
do some voodoo shit with Ann
- when you said you had to work?
- No.
I absolutely really did
have to work. I went to work,
and then she invited me.
And, you know, she-she
never invites me anywhere.
(OVER PHONE) That's the
only reason. I swear
So, fuck the friend who's
always there for you?
(SIGHS) No, it's not like that. I-I
(SIGHS) God.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
MAYA (OVER PHONE): You know, Beth?
I feel like the
blindfold has been lifted.
(RAP MUSIC CONTINUES)
I'm not sure I want
this friendship anymore.
- I gotta go.
- (HANGS UP)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR OPENS)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
- (MUFFLED STREET NOISE)
Hey.
- Do I manipulate you?
- Of course not.
You did kind of, um, like
make me come into the
city and then abandon me.
I'm really sorry I did that.
I'm never gonna do
anything like that again.
I mean it. I
And when it's your birthday, will
you just tell me it's your birthday?
Don't-Don't punish me if
I forget it, and, like,
let me find out the next
day or something, like,
'cause I wanna celebrate it with you.
Okay. It's not for a while,
though. It's in September.
Tell me when I have my phone,
so I can put it in. I
- (DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS)
- It's the 15th of September, so
- can you just remember?
- COLE: Oh, my God!
- (CRASH)
- Shit! Sorry. (SNIFFS) Good morning!
Or evening. Whatever. Hold on.
(SIGHS)
John.
What?
I don't wanna be a mom.
♪♪
I'm sorry. I
I can't handle it.
I-I-I'm, I'm manipulative,
and I'm selfish, and I-I
I say hurtful things
to the people I love, so
I don't wanna have a baby. I'm sorry.
(FOOTSTEPS)
Okay Who's pregnant?
- What?
- This is a positive pregnancy test.
Which I only found because
looking through the garbage is my job.
I wasn't looking for old coke.
- It's a negative test.
- It's, It's negative.
It's got two lines through it.
- Yeah! Two lines mean positive!
- Two lines? That's positive.
And I think that one line is
positive and two is negative?
BETH: No!
- I'm pregnant.
- Oh, God.
You can take the day for the abortion,
but it's coming outta your salary.
♪♪
You're pregnant?
I'm pregnant.
(EMOTIONAL CRESCENDO)
(DOOR OPENS)
SPEAKER: Cole, is that you?
Oh, shit. Ghislaine, you're out.
- Holy fuck.
- I know.
You're pregnant.
(LIVELY STRING MUSIC PLAYING)
(VOCALISTS SINGING)
♪♪
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
It's so easy.