Lowdown (2010) s02e06 Episode Script

We need you to sign the release forms and hand in your mobile phones, thanks.
And don't forget to take a notepad and pen so you can take notes.
To promote the new season of resurrected reality show Life In A Bubble, the network had handpicked five journalists to spend the night in the Bubble house and document their experiences.
Hello? Who do you think is the greater villain - Hitler or Pol Pot? I don't know.
They were both bad.
Why? It's for The Future.
I don't know what that means.
That's the name of my new artwork! Do you ever listen to anything I say? Sorry? You don't listen to what Can you just be quiet for a second? I beg your pardon? You need to hand in your phone.
Rita, I've gotta go.
You sort it out.
It's your artwork.
Is this really necessary? You won't be able to experience what it's like for the contestants unless you Ow! Hand in your communication devices.
Trudy was taught this technique when she worked briefly in a hospice, trying to extricate herself from the iron grip of the scared and elderly.
So, this is what the contestants will see when they first enter the house.
Now, because this is just a rehearsal, there's only two camera operators, but there are cameras in fixed positions around the house.
So, if you're going to fornicate, do so at your own risk.
OK, if you just want to go through to the waiting room, I'll meet you in there.
Ladies first.
Greg Toland.
Academy Award for Wuthering Heights.
Tragically dead at 44.
What about James Wong Howe? He had a cameraman on rollerskates in a boxing ring in 1947.
Yeah, but Toland invented deep focus photography, democratised the whole film-viewing experience by letting the audience and not the director choose what to look at.
Hang on.
Steve.
Can we get a close-up of the blonde's arse? He wants you to reframe on the blonde's arse.
No worries.
Now, she's got what I like to call fuckability.
I would say George Clooney was my best get.
Wow! You've interviewed George Clooney.
I've interviewed Clooney twice.
I've also interviewed Gore Vidal.
Really? Ha! Everyone's interviewed Gore Vidal.
Are you alright? We should call for help.
We don't have our phones.
I knew it was a mistake to hand them in.
Well, someone must be watching! Help! How about I go handheld for that City Of God feel? You go handheld tight, I'll track back and zoom in like in the tower scene in Vertigo to capture perspective distortion as he fights for air.
You don't think that's a bit cliched? Oh, what - and you're pioneering handheld, are you? Yeah, good point.
Does anyone know the Heineken manoeuvre? No, that's been discredited in recent years.
There's a risk of breaking the rib and puncturing the lung.
It's not recommended by Australian authorities.
And it's the Heimlich manoeuvre.
Well, we've gotta do something! Help! We need an ambulance! Are we liable if something happens? In season one, the contract clearly stated that you enter the compound at your own risk.
Denise, can you check if we're liable if someone chokes on the premises? Better call an ambulance too.
Oh, and, Denise, can you call an ambulance? So, who pays for the ambulance? Better a punctured lung than dead.
Oh! That was brilliant! Wow! You're a hero.
Thanks, mate.
I owe you.
Lucky I thought of it.
Oh, Alex, your suggestion was to tap him on the shoulder and steal his beer.
Alex didn't get it.
Is anybody there? Ask them how they died.
How did you die? P-N-E-U.
Pneumonia! Freaky! What is your name? G-R-A-G Grag? Grag? R-A Gragra? Gra Gra-Gra.
Are you Graham Kennedy? Graham, I don't know whether you remember me, but we met at one of Bert and Patti's parties.
Mum, I said I don't want you attracting ghosts into my apartment! But, darling, it's Graham Kennedy.
In death, as in life, the name Graham Kennedy could really open doors.
Hot chocolate and almond croissant? Ah, excellent.
- James! - Is that my hot chocolate? Guess what.
Yesterday I got the highest Super Mario score in the whole of Australia.
That's fantastic! Yeah.
Yeah, I really need to do something with my life.
Well, why don't you get back into hair restoration? Well, I called it 'restoration', but it was really just wigs.
You know what? You and I should get into the hair transplantation game.
You design the looks, and I'll surgically administer them.
That's brilliant.
Wouldn't you need proper training for that, though? How hard can it be? Oh, you're on MatchMate.
com? That one looks alright.
Yeah.
Is that a smudge on the screen, or is that hair growing out of his ears? - Yeah, I think that's hair.
- Where's Alex? He's spending the night in the Bubble house.
Why? He says here John Farnham and Glenn Wheatley were incommunicado when Wheatley was in Beechworth prison.
Yeah.
Then in the next sentence, he says that Farnham was a regular visitor to the prison.
Maybe Farnsie was visiting the rapist in the next cell.
Obviously Alex wrote 'incommunicado' when he means 'in communication'.
Ah! Bit embarrassing.
That's just the tip of the iceberg.
When Alex was a cadet in Far North Queensland, he famously wrote about a flood in Tully where the whole town had to be evaporated.
I'm sorry, there's no evidence that a night watchman has any effect on the outcome of a game You don't wanna sacrifice a top-order batsman in the dying minutes of the day.
Even if he survives, you're stuck with weak batsman the next day.
You're meant to be building your innings Hey, guys.
How was lunch? Fine, thanks.
Beautiful.
Good.
So, look, feel free to wander around the house, settle in, get acquainted.
There's a spa up there you're welcome to use.
Bathers optional.
That's lunch.
Great.
Oh, I am hungry! Mmm.
I'm starving.
I'm doing the no carbs thing.
Stick to protein.
Protein goes straight through you.
What do you think of the spathiphyllum? The plant? You don't think it looks too cluttered? No, I think it looks really classy.
We had a similar one on the Don Lane Show for a couple of eps.
Right.
See, that looks barren in comparison.
Hi! Hey! Just taking lunch orders.
What about Gillespie's double hundred against Bangladesh? What about it? First Australian night watchman to make a century in 30 years, then gets dropped for the very next test.
Where did you get those? There's a bowl on the kitchen bench.
Wait there.
I want to finish this conversation.
Oh! Had the pad thai last time.
Did you? Yeah.
A bit greasy.
I am seriously thinking about a green curry.
Hmm.
Chicken or beef? I think I might go the chicken! Now, what am I going to have? Thai beef salad's real good.
You know what? I will have that.
One Thai beef salad, and should we get some prawn spring rolls? Why not? And just an apple juice for me.
If you can get freshly squeezed, great.
Otherwise just an organic apple juice.
I'll just have a lemonade thanks, love.
No worries.
The Life In A Bubble producers were also partial to Indian.
Oh, sorry! Have you got a message for us, Graham? F-A-A-A-A-A-R-K.
Faaaaark.
Oh, my God.
It really is him.
Light switch works.
This would have to be the worst sequence of television I have produced in 35 years.
At least we're not recording.
It'll be better when the contestants are in there.
Haven't seen Meakin around for a while, have we? No.
Where's Alex Burchill? You know what? I think you're right about that plant.
It's starting to piss me off.
Trudy, can you do us a favour and move the spathiphyllum in the kitchen to the opposite corner? Thanks, darl.
Copy that.
Can I have your attention, everyone? Could all guests of the Life In A Bubble house please assemble in the living room immediately? I'm Inspector Thornbury.
A short while ago, a body was found on the floor of the kitchen.
I regret to inform you that one of your colleagues has been murdered.
Where's Alex? As this is a secure compound How good of you to join us, Mr Burchill.
No worries.
As I was saying, as this is a sealed compound, that means the murderer is amongst us.
Did he say 'murderer'? I think Andrew Meakin is dead.
What?! That's right.
This entire compound is now a crime scene.
Mr King? They signed a release when they entered, so we should be able to broadcast.
We'd better clear that with Legal.
Luke Dennehy.
Trial run with journos ends in murder.
More to come, hash bubble.
Alex Burchill took a while to get to the living room.
Caroline, we need to get clearance for broadcast.
Oh, no, no, it's not contempt.
No-one's been charged.
OK.
OK, well, get back to me on that.
Thanks, love.
At Mumbrella.
AAP reporter dead in TV's most famous sharehouse, hash bubble.
The network's gonna get back RE the live feed.
If they green light it, we'll do the interviews in the Diary Room.
At Wil Anderson.
Journos dying to leave house.
Hack hacked to death.
Too soon for jokes? Hash bubble.
This whole thing's gonna give this show an extra ten ratings points at lease.
We're go! We are going live in three minutes.
I repeat, live in three.
'Hash bubble' is officially trending worldwide.
Andrea, can you knock out a para on the Bubble developments and whack it up online pronto? Tell 'em to stand by for Alex Burchill's report from inside the compound.
Got it.
Have we got any footage? Going live to air any minute.
Let me know when it's on.
So, basically Alex is in the house with a murderer.
I hope he's OK.
He's actually quite sensitive.
I asked him how Carlton was going once, and he cried.
Yeah, and he hates the sight of blood.
Even thinking about knives or wounds makes him feel faint.
Oh, poor thing, and he gets eczema when he's stressed.
It's live now! So, when was the last time you saw Meakin? Well, I left the kitchen and I was walking down the hall.
I turned and I saw Meakin and Alex arguing about the cricket, and that's the last time I saw him.
And where did you go after that? I went into the living room, I came in here, the bathroom, had a look around the garden.
Anyone else see you? Uh, yeah.
Marion came into the bathroom when I was there.
It must've been about 2:15, I think.
What's that? Oh, we've all been given these notebooks.
We had to give up our phones and electronic devices, so we're writing everything down.
Here it is.
Can I see it? Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
What's it like to be dead? Oh, my God! It doesn't make sense.
Well, you were the only one with a motive.
Motive being? That ludicrous night watchman theory he was peddling.
He had to be stopped.
Well, how do I know you're not the murderer? Well, what's my motive? Maybe you don't need one.
Maybe you're a sociopath.
Am not.
Are too! Am not.
Are too! Oh! Oh, shit, sorry! One, nil, but I'll get you next time, Burchill.
You know this is probably being filmed? No, they can't broadcast it without our permission.
We gave our permission.
No, we didn't.
What do you think that form was that you signed when you entered? That was something to do with handing in our mobiles, wasn't it? You did read it, didn't you? Yeah! I would've read it, but my ex-girlfriend wouldn't get off the phone.
Why? What did she want? She wanted to know who was worse - Hitler or Pol Pot.
Who occupies their time thinking about that? Artists.
Mr Burchill.
So, Meakin was with you when you left the kitchen? Yeah, then he went back to get some chocolate.
And that was the last time you saw him? Yes.
Where did you go after that? I just went around the place, looking around.
But where? The bedroom, looking around there.
At all the things.
And where then? Oh, the bathroom, the lounge room.
Can anyone verify your whereabouts? I was mostly by myself.
While you were walking around, you were writing notes? Yep.
Can I see your notebook, please? I don't have it with me.
Isn't that it in your pocket? Yep.
What's this here? Where? Haynes, Greenwich, Tendulkar.
It's for an article I'm writing.
You've written here Burchill - 11.
What's your point? Thank you.
That'll be all for now.
Thank you.
Oh, Mr Burchill? What colour is the bathroom? Oh, just normal bathroom colour.
Thank you.
That'll be all.
No worries.
That does not look like it went well.
I'm sorry, Alex.
I had to tell Thornbury about your argument with Meakin.
That's alright.
And that you were last to see him.
Well, not the last, obviously.
And that you probably did it.
That's OK.
I said you probably did it, so we're even.
Well, someone did it.
Is he even really dead? Maybe they're just screwing with us.
You know, I've been thinking about how Meakin choked earlier, and I was wondering, how did olive pits end up in the peanuts? Well, obviously someone accidentally put them there.
Was it an accident, or did you know that he'd eat them? What kind of twisted mind would even think of that? Well, now I've had the opportunity to interview everybody within the compound and I've compiled my list of suspects.
If I call your name, please step forward.
Claire.
Marion.
Stuart.
The three of you are free to leave the Life In A Bubble compound.
Alex, you're our only suspect.
Oh, no! Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, you better believe it.
Gary Duffy had excellent hand-eye coordination.
Alex, you will remain here in lockdown until forensics have finished, then you will be taken to the watch house, and thence to the Melbourne Magistrate's Court, where you'll be charged with first-degree murder.
You have absolutely no evidence.
You were the last person to see Meakin, and the only one seen arguing with him, and the only one who lied about their whereabouts at the time of the murder, and you were the only one whose fingerprints were all over the murder weapon.
Right.
That is actually quite a lot of evidence.
You think you know someone! I wouldn't have thought he'd have it in him.
He can be quite aggressive when I correct his grammar mistakes.
Well, he definitely has anger management issues.
And he hates it if you whistle when you breathe.
Sometimes he doesn't even ask for a lamington, he just takes one.
I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but his eyes are actually quite close together.
And red hair.
Mmm! You think he's a harmless guy, but we don't really know the real Alex.
We've had 10,000 hits since Alex was accused of murder.
Well, I notice the Argus doesn't have any of its journos accused of murder.
I've always had my suspicions about Alex.
What do you mean? Well, he has that Far North Queensland accent he tries to hide.
Why don't we ask Graham if Alex really did it? No! Yes! No! Graham, did Alex kill Andrew Meakin? Yes.
Well, he would know.
You have something to tell us, Alex? Yeah.
I didn't do it.
The evidence is very convincing, and you're the only one who didn't like him.
Yeah, sure, Meakin was a bit of a tosser and he had some crazy ideas about night watchmen, but he didn't deserve to die for them.
Anyway, I also wanna say, Rita, if you're watching this, I think Hitler was more evil than Pol Pot.
No, you were right.
They're both bad.
I know how much your artwork means to you, and even though I don't understand it and I don't believe in government funding for what seems like such a personal venture with no real benefit for the wider community, what I do know is that you're really talented.
But I could be wrong.
And, Bob - what can I say to my dear Bob? Would you mind picking up my dry-cleaning, buddy? No worries, buddy.
Earlier today at the Life In A Bubble house, AAP journalist Andrew Meakin was killed in this room.
His body was found by Life In A Bubble publicist Trudy March when she went into the kitchen to move this spathiphyllum to the opposite corner after the producers had realised that the opposite corner was barren compared to the one with the spathiphyllum in it.
I need to get a copy of that footage! What can you see? I reckon it was an accident.
How can you tell? Alex wouldn't kill anyone? Didn't we just establish his close-set eyes and red hair? When Alex lived at my place, he would always put the knife in the dishwasher blade up, no matter how many times I told him to put it blade down.
So, you think Meakin fell on the knife? Yeah, and if Alex was in the kitchen for longer than two minutes, there'd be something spilled on the floor.
It's true, and he never cleans up after himself.
Look at that.
I reckon that's blood.
The knife would've been blade-up.
Meakin could've slipped and fallen on it.
I'd like to speak to Chief Inspector Thornbury, thanks.
Thanks, guys! Bob, I owe you one, buddy! How many times have I told you - blade down? Yeah, don't ruin the moment.
Sorry.
I did a lot of thinking in there, and I realised that this is what matters.
A roof over your head and good friends.
Now Now, I know I can sometimes be a bit selfish.
No, but I wanna make a pledge to be more considerate.
You guys have been so much.
Actually, I'd better go.
Marion's in the car.
We're going on a date! But, hey, we really should all go out and celebrate.
Maybe one day next week.
Alex's date with Marion went well.
She had some disconcerting feminist views, but these were mitigated by her curvy figure.
Meanwhile, cricket legend Ricky Ponting sent a note to Meakin's funeral fully endorsing the journalist's views on night watchmen.
So, you think you can get Brad Gordon and his mistress on film.
If I have the resources.
If you ask anything relating to my private life, I'm out of here, OK? Why didn't you tell me? I assumed you knew.
Who are you interviewing? A woman who's marrying her cat.
I'm meeting Brad tonight at the Eden at 7:30pm.
Timber Wolf has entered the building.
Yep, that's good too.
Alex, run!