Mind Your Language (1977) s02e06 Episode Script

1 Come on Ranjeet, it's your turn.
I'm thinking what I'm going to be doing.
You have been thinking for five minutes.
Patience We are playing scrabblo not patience.
- What do you want Su Lee? - 18 okay, here we go.
18.
19.
20.
Full cycle to win.
Very good.
Bravo.
Right.
It's your turn now Zoltan.
Hey.
Atención.
Zoltan's turn.
It's all right.
You throw I'm no bad.
What you want - You are getting better.
- Yes? - You are starting to hit the board.
- Good.
What happened? You are supposed to throw it forward not to the backwards.
Where is it? It's alright.
I see it.
Oh me.
It's a good thing you were wearing a turban Ranjeet otherwise it would have gone straight through your head.
Oh, blimey! You wouldn't have felt it.
You will feel my first in a moment.
Come on Ranjeet.
I'm still thinking.
Yeah, sikhs are slow thinkers.
Shut up man.
We must have time limito.
Come.
Oh, I'm getting a good one.
Sugar.
No goodo.
Quel idiot! Sugar is not spelled S-H-U-G-A-R.
I think you are mistaken.
You damn fool.
Everybody know sugar is spelled with two Gs.
We win! You want game juan? We no have time.
Mr.
Brown he will be here pretty pronto! You frighten you lose? I bet you blind folded.
Let's see you get double the top with Your eyes closed.
Easy.
Easy.
Closed.
One, two, Jamila.
Who did this? Me.
I was trying to get that in top.
Looks like you get it in the bottom.
Are you hurt Sid? Huh? Are you hurt? You bend down and you'll find out.
- What is going on in here? - Not a thing.
- A dart game.
- I beg your pardon.
Sid was us telling how he used to dart playing.
Well in future Sidney, kindly remember that the students have more important things to do, did you get my point? Yeah, and his point as well.
- Good heavens! - What's the matter? This door is full of holes.
Maybe it's a wooden worm.
Wood worm.
Yeah, it's alright.
Yes.
I just had a telephone call from Mr.
Brown.
He says he Would be along later.
Apparently, he is tied up at his flat.
Oh, blimey.
Shouldn't we be going to untie him? I was speaking metaphorically.
It is better you speako English.
Silence.
Now Mr.
Brown may put up With you stupid remarks but I assure you Will find me a very different kettle of fish.
Excuse me please, what is mean kettle of fish? You'll find out.
Now, until Mr.
Brown Arrives, I intend to find out what sort of progress you are making.
You, how are you doing? How are you doing? Very pleased, thank you.
How are You doing? I'm inquiring about your English.
Your English No, no, Hungarian.
You're hopeless.
No, no, look Hungarian.
Sit down.
Thank you.
You.
Give me the present of the verb to move.
You know it not? Well, of course I know it.
Oh good, then you can me tell? It is not my place to tell you anything.
Okay, then you can tell me not.
- You! - Sí, señora.
What is a comma? Por favor.
What is a comma? Comma is when you are unconscious.
That's a coma.
A comma is a Punctuation mark.
Oh, it's alright.
I don't think Mr.
Brown is teaching you anything.
Master is teaching us very much English.
When I am arrived, not one body is understand me, now everybody is understand every thing I am speak.
I see.
Well, then in that case, if someone will stop you in the street and ask you the time what would you say? That's wouldn't help them! Oh yes, in my street, it's all Indian peoples.
Silence.
You! Yes please.
Give ma a collective noun for a collection of ants.
Aunties.
Not aunts.
Ants.
Insects.
What is a lot of ants? A damn nuisance.
Have you never heard of swarm? Yes please.
England call Pakistan a swarm.
Silence.
Oh sorry I'm late Miss Courtney.
So am I! I have just been seeing how your students are getting on.
- Well, I think they're progressing.
- Yes, but in which direction? What have you been saying? Nothing, she is asking some questions and we are telling her some answers.
Well, that explains it.
Are you going away? Only for one night.
I'm having my flat painted that's why I can't sleep there.
You're having your bed painted also? No, just I can't stand the smell of fresh glass paint.
Where would you be sleeping tonight? I'll probably stay at the YMCA.
Hey, much better that the YWCA.
I suppose any of you have a spare room, do you? It would give me much pleasure for you to Share my humble house, but unfortunately, my cousin and his family and also his cousin and his family are staying with me.
You've got two families both living in one house? Two families both living in one room.
You are very welcome to come and Stay with me.
Have you got a spare room? No.
But I have a very big bed.
Well, thank you for the offer but I thing it'd better be in the YMCA.
- You can with me stay.
- Don't tell me you've got a very big bed also? No.
I have a small bed, better much.
Okay, you stay with us.
Who's Huss? Us? Me and Giovanni.
Sure we've got a room.
I didn't know you share a flat.
Yeah, I had to leave my other place.
I had a big fight with the neighbor because of the noise.
What noise? Every night after mid night guitar practice For one hour.
- Surely you can ask them to stop.
- No.
- Why not? - It's me who practice the guitar.
And you still practice the guitar, do you? - No, finish guitar.
- Thanks goodness for that.
Now I practice the drums.
What? That's ajoke.
I don't practice anything.
What do you say? - Will you stay with us? - Well, I am Okay, you stay.
Hey, why don't we have a party.
That's a good idea.
Everybody comes.
I'll bring a bottle.
Yeah, make it sure it's not empty.
I'll bottle bring.
We'll get us a pizza.
Chicken curry.
Fried rice.
Chapati and popadoms.
Ensalata.
Guiash.
German sausage.
Paella a la valenciana.
Duck.
Quiche Lorraine.
I make you suki-yaki.
We'll give you a night you'll never forget.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Well, come in professor.
Oh, thank you.
This is the hall, this is the kitchen, this is my bedroom, Max's bedroom, this is the Living room, and this And that's my bedroom.
No, that's the bathroom.
Oh, where am I sleeping? You sleep here on the sofa.
Sure, it's very comfortable.
What was that? What was what? That awful noise.
It's only a train.
Only a train! This is worse then the Waiting room of waterloo station.
Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
They only run every ten minutes After rush hour finish.
I'll never get to sleep through all that noise.
We'll give you cotton ball to put in your ears.
Well, I would need it.
Hey, we better go get the drinks.
You wanna come with us professor? Well actually I'd like a bath if that's alright with you? Okay, we'll be back in 10 minutes.
I left them here on the table.
Where is professor? - Well he said he was going to have a bath.
- - Okay, come on.
Alright.
Just a moment.
Hello! Max! Giovanni! Anybody there? The sergeant! Yes madame! A burgaler.
Don't panic.
Stay where you are and I'll send a police car around right way.
- He's trying to pick next door's lock.
- Don't worry, I'll sort him out.
Oh, I do hope this sort of thing doesn't happen often.
I only moved in here yesterday.
Stand back, I'm going out there.
George, you stay with Mrs.
Partridge.
Alright, come quietly.
- Oh, look you're making a mistake.
- Could be.
No but I'm staying here with a friend.
What's the address? I don't know.
I've never been here before, you see? I see.
Look there's a perfectly simple explanation Well, why don't we come down to the station And tell it to the perfectly simple sergeant.
Hey, the professor is not out here.
He is not in the bathroom.
Well, he's not out the either.
Maybe he decided to sleep at YMCA after all.
No, his bag is still there.
He said he was gonna have a bath.
Oh blimey, maybe he has gone down the plug hole.
A Japanese philosopher has said: When the person is not here, he must be somewhere else.
We know he's somewhere else, but somewhere where? Buenas noches.
Hey, what's the matter? It's Mr.
Brown.
- What about Mr.
Brown? - He's gone.
Gona? Ten minutes he was here, now he's gone? Santa madre querida, espíritu He is not dead, he is vanished.
¡Gracias a Dios! - Alright, what's your name? - Jeremy Brown.
- Brown? - Yes.
I suppose that'll make a change from a smith or Jones.
Now, according to P.
C.
Barnes, - you were caught breaking and entering.
- I was not breaking and entering.
- Were you picking the lock? - Yes, but - Do you live there? - No, but Charge: Breaking and entering.
Look, you're making a terrible mistake.
That's what criminals said.
I demand to see my lawyer.
Sid, they've not nabbed you tonight as well.
Is he one of you accomplicies? No, I know him.
He can vote for me.
He is in a state he ever can't vote for his own mother.
- What has he done Barnes? - Drunk and disorderly.
- Pardon? - Drunk and disorderly.
So am I.
Sergeant, he is the care taker at the school where I teach.
He will tell you who am I.
You, do you know this man? He's a cop.
Sid, it's me, look! Tell the sergeant who I am.
Charlie Frenzbaf.
What? Never tell him your own name son.
Oh, take him away.
Bring him back when he's sober.
I'll be your sweet heart.
Now, Mr.
Brown or Frenzbaf or whatever you call yourself - Brown - Professor Max! Giovanni! Thank goodness you're here.
Look, tell this, tell this sergeant who am I.
He's Mr.
Jeremy Brown.
He teach us to speak the English.
Do you live in 6 Windsor road? Sure we do.
What happened? Where have you been? Well, I've got locked out on your balcony and your and your Public spirited neighbor thought I was a burgular and called the police.
So you were telling the truth, hum? And I have a good mind to see you for false arrest.
If you do so, there'll be a charge of asault and battery.
I haven't asaulted anyone.
No, but I should go now before I do.
Hey, everybody.
We found Mr.
Brown.
Now we all have a party.
Hey where is all the food? We saved you a piece of quiche.
Oh good.
Blimey, I was hungry so I'm eating it.
Actually I can do with a drink.
No drink.
Nor a drop? Si! One drop! Don't worry professor.
I'll fix everything for us.
Max, go.
Okay, I'll go get some beer.
Then we'll all have a party.
No, not all of us.
I've made a date with Danielle.
We are going to have a dance.
¡Olé! Señorita.
Enjoy your selves.
We must also be go.
Yes Master, Ali will let me watch his television.
Yes, we don't want to Starkers and Cruch.
Starsky and Hutch.
Jolly good.
See you at school time.
Bye everybody.
A thousand apologies.
Why? What have you done? Nothing.
It's what I'm going to be doing? What are you going to be doing? Take Ingrid for a show.
We're going to see Sweedish film.
It's being all about Sweedish Nopal.
I think you mean Noble.
That is correct.
You'll be excusing us please! Yeah, certainly.
Have a good night.
Don't tell me you two are going to the pictures too! No, not so.
See Lee and me go to bedo Not together, I'm going home to read a little red book.
I go sleep home.
Too much sake.
Too much sake.
Hope you had a pleasant night.
Ciao.
That's going to be a sleeping party.
Not to worry.
Now we got plenty of beer for five.
You have even more for three.
Oh not you too Anna.
Yeah, us too.
I help Zoltan mid home walk.
Good morning.
Good night.
I hope.
Alright then, we are three.
Okay everybody hey, where is everybody? - They all went out.
- We've got such nice friends.
Hey, why don't we go down to the disco? Yes, it's a good idea.
And we will pick up a couple of birds.
I don't want to pick up a couple of birds.
Professor is right.
We don't want to pick up a couple of birds, we'd pick up three birds.
One each.
Now you two go on.
Why don't you want to come with us? Well, I feel tired and wounded.
I think I'll just turn in for the night.
You sure now? Yeah, but don't let that stop you from going.
Okay.
I'll just get ready for bed.
And you'll find some blankets in the cupboard Any cotton balls? In the bathroom.
Thank you, see you tomorrow.
Why is he shouting? I don't know.
You want a beer before we go? Sure! It's stuffy in here! That's better.
Nice party! Fantastic.
You know Max? I really fancy that Ingrid.
Yeah, you fancy anyone.
That's not true, is it? I don't fancy you.
Hey, our lights just gone out.
Mr.
Brown must wanting to sleep.
We better go to the disco.
Okay.
It's locked.
Hey, professor.
The house was very quiet, nothing could be heard.
Yet the old lady could almost feel a sense of heaving.
She listened, the silence was opressive.
Suddenly there was a knock at the window.
Yes, sergeant.
Oh, it's not you again madam.
Are you sure it's not the same fellow? There are two fellows? Look, I suggest you just sit there and wait, go around and see a neighbor and wait till the constable arrives, okay? Coming! Oh please excuse me, the front door was open.
I did knock.
Oh sorry, I was a sleep.
There are burglars on my balcony.
Are you sure? Yes, I saw their evil looks.
They might be opening my doors now.
The front window wasn't locked.
Oh I see alright leave it with me.
I'll go see what they're up to.
Do be careful! Yes! What are we going to do? Break the window.
Max! Giovanni! What are you doing here? You locked us out.
Yeah, we knocked on the window next door and the woman screamed and ran away.
She thought you were burglars.
Come on, get inside.
Just a moment.
I'll go get the beer.
No, no, no.
I'll go get it.
You stay here.
Alright.
Turn around.
Now are you sure you don't mind me staying Here for the night? Not at all sir.
I think it will be safer for both Right.
At least I'll get some sleep.
Good night sir! Good night.
Who's that? It's you Mr.
Brown.
Let's sing a song!