Never Have I Ever (2020) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Devi, I think you know why we're here.
Because of that terrible
rumor about Aneesa that you
Oh shit! Here it comes!
Devi's about to get it.
no doubt have heard about.
Now, Aneesa says you
and her are friends,
and she could use a
little support right now.
Wait, so I'm here because
of how good of a friend I am?
Yeah, that makes total sense.
Aneesa, we want you to stay
here at Sherman Oaks High,
so, Devi, can you help her feel
like the people have her back?
Of course, I just wish we could find
the jerkwad who started the rumor.
It's okay. I'll just lay low and wait
until somebody finds a
pregnancy test in the toilet
and everybody forgets about me.
You know what? No!
- Devi's right!
- I am?
This might be the moment that I can be
the principal I've dreamed I could be.
I'm gonna call everybody
that was at that relay
until I get somebody talking.
Devi knew that all roads
in the investigation
would lead back to her.
So right now, she needed to throw
down some metaphorical tire spikes.
You know what? A student
should lead the investigation.
Teens don't wanna narc to a boomer.
I take offense to that.
I am firmly in Gen X.
Hmm.
But I do see your point,
and I do have a very busy day,
especially trying to figure out
why the water fountains
smell like human excrement.
Okay.
Job's yours.
Now all Devi had to do
was sabotage the search,
and she'd be off the hook quicker
than you can say "witness tampering."
Devi told herself that Aneesa
didn't need to know the truth.
It would only hurt her.
And right now, she needed a friend,
which is what Devi planned to be
once she pinned this
rumor on someone else.
So, should we start the investigation?
Uh, one sec. I'm just texting with Ben.
But also, let's not forget this chick
hooked up with Devi's ex
the first chance she got.
Nope, Devi, you never told
Aneesa that Ben was your ex.
So it's not her fault.
Sisterhood, Traveling
Pants, et cetera, et cetera.
Okay, all done.
He's been really
supportive through all this.
I'm sure he has.
The person who started the
rumor must've known it was true.
So they had to be from your old school.
Who do we know transferred from there?
- Just me.
- Is there anyone else you can think of
that has a connection
there? Anyone at all?
Mm Oh, I know a girl who has
a cousin on the football team here.
Look at you coming up with fresh
leads. To the boys' locker room!
Okay.
So, Darius,
did you start the rumor
about Aneesa being anorexic?
Who's Aneesa?
Uh, I am.
You're anorexic? Sorry to hear that.
Save your little performance,
Darius. I know that you did it.
No offense, but why
would I start a rumor
about some random-ass sophomore?
And for the record, I
may be a football player,
but I'm also a feminist,
and I would never start
a rumor that misogynistic.
Okay, cool POV, Darius.
Yo, let's get out of here.
So maybe he's not our guy.
What up, playas? Listen up.
Your boy crushed the
first draft of our paper,
and I'm sending it to
all my co-authors tonight
to get your final approvesies,
and once everybody signs off,
this little baby is gonna be published
in the Journal of Cellular Biology!
Ho, ho, ho!
You're gonna be in the journal,
and you're gonna be in the journal!
- Yeah!
- Kamala, can I chat with you for a second?
Look, I just want to say you've
been a huge asset to the lab,
and sorry if I was tough
on you in the beginning.
It's okay. I've seen American
teen movies. I understand hazing.
Anyway, I think you've earned a
little face time with Dr. Peters.
Only if you want.
Um, does a peroxisome
obtain membrane constituents
from the endoplasmic reticulum?
Hmm, let me think. You
know, it does! Get it!
Nice! How about breakfast tomorrow?
Most important meal of the day! Perfect.
Perfect. All right. Now, who
wants to pop some bottles 'cause
- Let's see.
- Yo, Eve!
You should've came to queer ladies'
night at The Library. It was lit.
Wait, the school library
has a queer ladies' night?
No, no, babe. The Library
is a bar in Silver Lake.
You went to a bar? Like
an alcohol bar for adults?
Yes. Fabiola, don't look so shocked.
But isn't that like illegal?
You know what else used to
be illegal? Being a lesbian.
And some laws are worth breaking
to support the community, you know?
Yeah, we can't all just spend every
night hanging out with our robots.
Sasha, come on! That was mean!
I was joking. She knows I was joking.
Yeah, of course!
It was so funny. It was good.
Um, but, uh, I
gotta run, so I will see you later.
Later!
Trust me. Just think
of the possible people.
Hi, so what are you guys up to?
Devi's helping me track down the
D-bag who started the rumor about me.
Ooh! True crime? Count me in.
I think I've got it
under control. I don't
need anybody else's help on the case.
- Who've you questioned already?
- Just Darius Carter.
Why would you interrogate him? He
wasn't even at the relay on Saturday.
That's when he volunteers
at Planned Parenthood.
Yeah, I'm learning a lot about Darius.
I'd start with who told
Aneesa and work backwards.
That's what I said.
All right, babe. I gotta dip.
I got that commercial audition
for that traffic safety PSA.
You're definitely gonna get it.
No one could do the part
of "teen refusing to wear
seat belt" better than you.
Mm.
Later, babe.
Well, well, well, you and Malcolm!
Oh! Isn't he dreamy?
I can't believe I get to
date an out-of-work actor!
What are you talking about?
Trying to figure out who made
up the rumor about Aneesa.
So you're starting with the person
who told Aneesa and working backwards?
Yup. So, Aneesa, who's the first
person that told you about the rumor?
Um, I don't know his name, but he
was drinking a large iced cappuccino
and complimented my
Cara Delevingne brows.
Jonah! That's where we'll start!
Oh. So you'll be joining in on this too?
Oh my gosh. I love this.
This is my whole life now.
Great.
Oh, hi, Dr. Jackson! Love the beard!
Hi.
Dr. Jackson, what an
unexpected displeasure.
Oh, it's like that, huh?
I'm only here because your patients
keep parking in my
office's reserved spots.
First of all, how do you know
those cars were for my office?
They could be from that
weird hair-transplant clinic.
No, it's definitely our office.
I tell people to park there
because I'm embarrassed
our spots are next to the dumpster
where the raccoon family lives.
Sorry, Dr. Jackson.
It won't happen again.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
What's with the getup?
You look very nice.
Uh, well, if you must know,
I am going to Dr.
Morales's retirement party.
Uh, she's the head of Derm at
UCLA where she was my mentor.
You know what?
She probably runs in more academic
circles than you're used to.
Right. Okay.
Well, you just keep your cars
parked in your own gross spots.
It's so exciting solving a mystery.
I feel like the Girl
with the Dragon Tattoo,
but without the severe bangs.
Ooh. Hey, look, there's Jonah!
Lil' D.
I need your help.
My bio test is today, and I
never looked over my flash cards
because I was blitzed at the relay.
- You didn't look over them on Sunday?
- Well, I was kind of hungover,
and then a game was
on, and Trent came over,
and we got blitzed again.
Look, it doesn't matter. You
said you'd help me at the relay
and never showed up, so
you gotta help me now.
I'm kind of in the middle of
something. Could I find you at lunch?
You better come 'cause I can't
learn this crap without you.
Okay, yeah.
So, Jonah,
Aneesa said you told
her about the rumor.
Yeah, because I'm not fake,
and people need to know what
other people are saying about them.
There's a rumor you
were born with one hoof.
I started it, but you deserve to know.
See? Aren't you glad I told you?
Yes, Jonah. Thank you for your honesty.
All right. Let's get back to Aneesa.
You remember who you
heard the rumor from?
I keep a log for networking
and blackmailing purposes
in case anyone ever tries
to bring the drama to me.
It was Eddie Tan.
Fabiola and Eleanor were
thrilled they had a hot lead.
Devi not so much.
They found Eddie outside of pre-calc,
and he told them he heard the
rumor from supercouple Drewzanna,
whom they found making
out in the bleachers.
They said they overheard
it from Sweaty Tara,
who was housing a Sloppy
Joe in the cafeteria.
She directed them to Mean
Denise in the weight room
who sent them to Asthmatic
Dave at the nurse's office
who blamed Show Choir
Dustin in the theater
Me, me, me ♪
who then sent our detectives
to the familiar face of
Trent in Spanish class.
I dunno who told me.
I just remember I was
sticking Marcus's toothbrush
between my butt cheeks as a prank.
Anyway, while I had his
toothbrush between my butt cheeks,
someone came over and was like,
"Aneesa's anorexic. Isn't that hilare?"
Oh no! Looks like we're at
the deadest of dead ends!
I'll tell Principal Grubbs
that the investigation's a bust.
Wait. No, they said "hilare."
I think we can tell Principal Grubbs
that we have our culprits!
Girls, I'm not gonna say
I think you're better
than this because well
Obvious reasons for sure.
Starting a vicious
rumor about a classmate
is unconscionable.
We've gotten away with
so many worse rumors.
But we didn't start it, I don't think.
Does it sound like
something we would say? Yes.
But did we say it? Maybe.
Both of you have detention for a
month. You're off the dance committee.
What? No!
Then you can say goodbye
to my dad's car dealership buying
a full-page ad in the yearbook.
That check is cleared,
and it's nonrefundable.
Have a great day, ladies.
For the first time, Devi was thankful
that she was so
forgettable to these girls.
And it's not like innocent
people were taking the fall.
Shira and Zoe had blabbed
the rumor to half the school.
So the horrible pit in Devi's stomach
was probably just the
feeling of a job well done.
Right? Right?
Ah, hello, kanna, perfect timing.
I've just returned from shopping.
Did you pick up any sodas? My
friends are coming over tonight.
She didn't go to the grocery
store. She shopped locally.
- She picked the neighbor's fruit trees.
- What? Pati, you can't do that.
Why?
Do you think the two men who live
next door need all these oranges?
I saw one of them order a
tray of nachos at 10:00 a.m.
But it's stealing. Americans are
weird about their fruit trees,
and defending their property in general.
It's true. Everyone here
has a gun and a juicer.
No one will catch me.
And if they do, I'll pretend I
have dementia and babble in Tamil.
It doesn't matter if you
don't get caught. It's wrong.
Uh-oh, someone's having an epiphany.
Oh, Devi, you are
your father's daughter.
Such a good head and
such broad shoulders.
Hi, Setseg. Oh, sorry
I haven't responded
to your Evite about laser tag yet.
Uh, yes, please do.
That's not even why I was calling.
Evan just sent the paper
to all the co-authors.
Ooh! Great!
I'll check my email right now!
I haven't gotten it yet.
But my computer is full of viruses
from my grandmother
pirating Indian Idol.
No, Kamala. You didn't get it because
you're not listed as a co-author.
What? How is that possible?
I made the discovery that
the whole paper was based on.
I know. Evan would kill me
if he knew I was calling you.
But it has to be a mistake.
I'll get to the bottom of it.
Speaking of bottom,
do you have your own laser
pants or will you be renting?
I'll need to rent them and
any laser tag equipment.
Assume I'm bringing nothing.
Nalini!
- I cannot believe you're retiring. No.
- Oh, I know.
I know, but it's time.
Oh, I am dying for you to
meet my other favorite mentee,
Dr. Chris Jackson.
Hello, Dr. Vishwakumar.
Hello, Dr. Jackson.
You two know each other?
Sure, we do. What a
surprise to see you here.
Yes. I bet you're surprised to
see me in such an academic circle.
The one and only thing I agree
with my boring dad
and snooze-fest Sharon
is that cheesy bread
paired with Diet Coke
has its own taste personality.
Mm-hmm.
Oh shit. I'm sorry. Am I
talking about food too much?
Oh.
It's fine. I guess, uh, we should talk
about what's going
on in my cuckoo brain.
You don't have to tell us.
Nah. I do, but feel
free to feel awkward.
Okay, so last year I kinda
fell in with the cool girls,
and, uh, luckily for me,
I wasn't just the only
brown girl in the group.
I was also the Muslim brown girl
whose mom insisted she wear a full
sweat suit to every pool party.
So literally the only thing those girls
ever complimented me
on was being skinny.
And then something inside
my brain made me feel like
I couldn't be skinny enough,
and I just couldn't stop.
So I had to go to a special hospital.
But I want you guys to know
that I'm in a program,
and I'm doing much better,
and I'm so glad I met you guys.
Especially you, Devi.
To have an Indian friend who gets me
and would never treat me like
I don't belong is probably the
It was me.
What was you?
I started the rumor.
What?
I started the rumor.
I'm the one who told Shira and Zoe,
but I didn't even know it was true.
I was just mad that you hooked up
with Ben, and I used to date him.
So I freaked out, and I'm really,
really, really sorry, Aneesa.
Uh
I'm gonna go.
At least I came clean.
That should count for something, right?
Eleanor, I think we should go too.
Nalini, did you know that Chris
uses all of the proceeds
from his cosmetic line
to fund pro-bono surgeries at
the Children's Hospital? Mm-hmm.
Isn't that impressive?
- Uh, yes, very impressive.
- Mm-hmm.
And he's raising a son on his own.
- Pretty remarkable.
- Thank you.
- You're a father?
- Mm-hmm.
And, Chris, Nalini is no slouch either.
She was the first person ever
to win the Bevins Surgical
Award as a resident.
Wait, that was you?
I remember hearing about
that and being super jealous.
Oh, I could brag about
you both all night,
but my husband has
had too much to drink.
- Check. Hello.
- A little too much champagne,
and he's trying to make a speech,
so I better get over there.
I didn't know you were such a big shot.
I didn't know you were such
a good person. Go figure.
Well, I know we're
supposed to be enemies.
Sort of.
But, can I get you a drink?
Holy cow!
Nalini Vishwakumar?
Oh my God. She was the most
annoying person in my residency.
- Hello, Gail.
- Hi.
Hey, I heard about Mohan. Just so awful.
So awful, just so awful!
How are you holding up?
- I'm holding up. Thank you.
- Are you really?
We go way back. Tell me.
You don't have to pretend.
I'm fine.
Okay. Well, if you need anything at all,
even if you wanna come over
to my house and just cry,
I am here for you. Okay?
Thank you, Gail.
Hey, Gail.
- Hey!
- Chris Jackson.
Chris! Of course!
We met at that, um,
that conference in Dubuque a
couple years ago. Do you remember?
Definitely. Hey, why don't we
get a drink? We can catch up.
- Yeah. I'd love that.
- Yeah.
Okay. I'm gonna check on you later.
Can't wait.
Hi. How are we?
Are we still mad?
We're not mad. We're just disappointed.
Yeah, you really Devi'd this one up.
Are we using Devi as a negative verb?
Yeah, you let your temper
get the best of you, man.
This is worse than when you
punched that vending machine.
I didn't pay for those Sour
Straws to get stuck on the coil.
Okay, fine. Maybe I did Devi
this one up, but I feel awful.
I really like Aneesa.
Then you better figure out
a way to apologize to her,
like with a singing telegram or a
thoughtful selection of bath bombs.
Or what if I just try to
explain my side of the story?
Respectfully, I have no
faith you can pull that off.
I would go with the bath bombs.
But Aneesa's whole thing is
that she's chill and easygoing.
If I just talk to her, she'll
understand where I'm coming from.
Trust me, by the end of the day,
to Devi something up will mean
to make something better forever.
I don't know.
Fab, the dance committee has
set up their table. You ready?
- Yeah, let's go.
- Okay.
Hi, would you like to nominate
someone for Cricket King and Queen?
If it's Paxton and Zoe, they've
already been nominated like 50 times.
Um, no, not Paxton and Zoe.
We would like to nominate
ourselves as Cricket Queens.
Oh. I can't do that.
What? Why?
Because we're two girls?
Does the idea of same-sex
dance royalty make you uncomfy?
Would you prefer to be
complicit in queer erasure?
Stop yelling at me! I don't have
a problem with you being gay.
I can't leave my post now
to print out a different form
because Principal Grubbs fired
the rest of the dance committee.
Oh, I can just scratch
out king and put queen.
Okay.
Thank you. Final voting
will take place at the dance,
which, apparently, I have
to put on all by myself now.
Hey, you just reamed
Carley. That was so dope.
- Y'all running for Cricket Queens?
- Yeah, it was all Fabiola's idea.
That's my girl right
there. You a baddie, Fab.
Now we just got to make sure y'all win.
Okay.
Good morning, Dr. Jackson.
Good morning, Dr. Vishwakumar.
Where are you coming from?
Oh, you know, just my car, which is
parked deep in the bowels of hell.
Why would you park down there
when you have a spot right here?
Wow. You've been
awfully heroic recently.
Uh, how was your, uh
your conversation with Gail?
I can only describe
it as long and painful.
You know you didn't
have to do that, right?
Well, I haven't gone through anything
close to what you've experienced,
but when my wife moved out, everyone
wanted to talk to me about it.
Hmm.
And no one seemed to care that
I didn't have anything to say.
So last night, I was happy
to take one for the team.
After you.
Oh, you know,
I actually have a personal matter
to take care of, but thank you.
Uh, thank you for that
and and the spot.
Of course.
Sherman Oaks' second best dermatologist
deserves the second best parking space.
You were a decent human being for
seven seconds, and I'll take that.
So, Kamala, we have the pleasure
of the next 60 minutes together.
How should we start?
Shall I tell you the
story of how I became me?
It all began on a goat farm
in the civil parish of
Barton-upon-Humber
Actually, I didn't
mean to interrupt you,
but I was hoping I could
discuss something with you first.
Well, of course, it's your time.
Evan sent out the first
draft of the paper last night,
and my name was left off of it.
Oh, and you feel that you
should have been credited?
Yes. I don't know if Evan told
you, but I was the one who realized
which cells had the greatest
tendency for clonal self-renewal.
Well, that was a fine observation,
but I don't get involved
in the politics of the lab.
If Evan left your name off,
I'm sure he had a reason.
But I do think that
I deserve to be on it.
Kamala, do you really want to spend
our mentorship hour together
complaining about another co-worker?
Mm.
So let's get back to how a boy
raised among goats won a Nobel.
Devi knew she could set
everything right again
if she could just talk to Aneesa,
but when she got to chemistry,
she found Aneesa's spot in the
lab filled by a very chatty Jonah.
The last time Aneesa was
missing from this class,
she ended up being in the
Devi Vishwakumar,
please report to the principal's office.
Kinda walked right into that one.
Awkward!
Devi, Aneesa just told me that
you're the one who started the rumor.
Yes, and I am so, so sorry.
I'm sorry, too, Devi.
- You're suspended.
- What?
I said you're suspended.
But Zoe and Shira just got
kicked off the dance committee,
and they told way more people.
Give me a couple extra
detentions, and we'll call it even.
This is not a negotiation.
You started a rumor, then
you lied to your principal,
and then you let two
students take the fall for it.
But a suspension goes
on my permanent record!
That could ruin my
chance to go to Princeton!
Mom, do something!
I'm sorry, Devi.
These are the consequences
for your actions.
Meet me in the car.
Just grab your stuff.
Hey, Aneesa. Could I
talk to you for a second?
I am so sorry about what happened.
But Principal Grubbs just suspended
me. Maybe if you talk to her
Wow. That's what you care about?
I thought the girls at my
last school were selfish.
You're on another level.
I'm not trying to be selfish.
I feel terrible about what
happened, but you don't understand.
I've wanted to go to Princeton
forever. Like, it's my whole thing.
Now my whole thing is being the
new girl with an eating disorder.
Just so you know, I
never hooked up with Ben.
It's insanely obvious you
two have some kind of history.
But I saw you guys go into Trent's tent.
Dude! To hide from you
because you were making us run!
Everyone was right.
You are crazy, Devi.
Thanks a lot. Just failed my bio test.
Are you mad at me? That's not my fault.
If you'd studied with
me like you said
Paxton, if you want good
grades, then be a good student.
I can't hold your hand forever!
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've just been suspended!
Wow, two fights back-to-back.
Man, she'd royally Devi'd
this day up. Original meaning.