NewsRadio (1995) s02e06 Episode Script
Friends
Uh, excuse me, sir? Yes.
ID? I'm sorry.
I left it upstairs on my desk last night.
Aw, well, don't worry about that.
You be kind enough to step back over here behind the desk, I'll call right up, have you cleared in a jiffy.
Well, I'm not sure I have a jiffy to spare, so if you don't mind-- Morning, Bill.
Hey, baby.
Hey, darling, how you doing? Look, I work here.
My ID is on my desk, my desk is upstairs, where I work.
Which part of this don't you understand? Well, I understand everything perfectly, sir, but the building policy is no ID, no entry.
Look, what can we do for you, sir? Do you know who I am? I'm Bill McNeal.
He really is.
I can vouch for him.
Thank you, Matthew, my fellow co-worker at WNYX on the 14th floor.
Look, I don't care if you're the president of New York city.
No ID, no entry.
Lorenzo, Junior, what's up? Hey, big Joe.
I got wrecked last night, lost my ID in some bar.
Aw, don't worry about it, man.
Okay, you guys win.
No, no one wins in a situation like this, pal.
You've broken my spirit.
What can I do but turn around and go home? Man, I hate it when they start to get rude like that.
He's a very rude man.
There's no excuse for that type of behavior-- Hey.
Uh, Mr.
McNeal? Excuse me.
You know, up high, down low, in the middle, I still need to see some ID.
Just looking for a quarter for the paper.
Need a quarter? I'll give you a quarter.
You just signed your termination papers, my friend.
I'm calling your superiors and having you both fired immediately.
You think we should tell him that the phone's out of order? No.
I think he'll figure it out in a second.
Yeah, he figured it out.
[.]
All right, I got M through Q.
Where do you want them? Okay, great.
Over here I have J, K, L, so if you could just drop them right over there.
That would be great.
Thanks so much, Joe.
Thanks again for helping me get past those morons.
They're not morons, Bill.
They're just doing their job.
Just doing their job? That's what the men from the bank said when they repossessed my farm.
You never had a farm.
Farm, boat.
Same difference.
What's going on? Oh, we're re-filing old news stories from the past three years.
Dave discovered that the old station manager had a rather unique filing system.
What's unique? Well, name a topic.
I'll tell you how it was filed.
Okay.
Taxicabs.
Taxicabs.
That would be under "Yellow, things that are.
" That makes sense.
Right next to bananas.
Uh, no, actually, bananas are under "fruits, ones that I'm allergic to.
" Ass, sounds like this job is a pain in the.
Much, thank you very.
Hi, David.
Oh, hi.
Hey, Beth.
I know this is a huge job-- Oh, it's nothing, Dave.
So I've hired a temp for you, okay? Oh, yippee, yippee.
All right, now, remember, you are to supervise the temp, but she is not a toy.
Okay, so no dress-up.
And no taking her apart to find out how she works.
Hey, Dave.
Hi, Mr.
James.
Okay, Bethie, you know the drill.
Any controversial documents you run across, Ba-da-bing, I'm right here with Mr.
Shredder.
Okay.
Brand new, you know, state-of-the-art model.
If Nixon would have had this thing when that whole Watergate thing happened He'd still be dead now? Yeah.
Kind of puts it all in perspective, don't it? Anyway, I haven't had a chance to test him out.
Oh, wait.
Well, here you go.
What's this? Uh, that is a file on the Bronx Zoo, filed under, "Central Park Zoo, Not that one, but the other one.
" Let's feed this baby.
Whoa, look at her go.
Whoo.
That was fun.
You know, there's some sort of speed control on here somewhere.
Hang on, hang on.
Here are the instructions for the shredder.
Wait--wait a minute.
Wait--wait.
Shredding the instructions for the shredder.
Talk about your mind-blowing irony.
Dare I? Uh, sir-- Let's do it.
Go, baby, go.
Now, where the hell's that speed control? Hey, what's going on? Mr.
James dropped a muffin in the shredder.
Okay, I'll get Joe up here with his tools right away.
No, the shredder's fine.
He just sent me in here to get some doughnuts and bagels, or you know, "anything else that would look cool all chopped up.
" Of course.
Excuse me, I'm looking for a Mr.
Nelson? Hey, I think your temp's here.
Hi, I'm Dave Nelson.
Oh, how do you do? I'm Sandi Angelini.
Oh, hi, Sandi.
Now, you're going to be working for Beth today.
Let me introduce you.
Beth? Beth.
Sandi! Well, Beth.
Gosh, hey there.
Oh, my gosh.
So, you two know each other? Like since the fifth grade.
Wow, that's terrific.
This is so great.
Dave, can I see you in your office for a sec? Sure, sure.
Excuse us, Sandi.
It's great to see you.
Hey, you too, Sandi.
Fire her.
Your old friend Sandi? Yes.
Fire her now.
This is the temp? What--what's up? I mean, she steal your high-school sweetheart or something? Oh yeah, of course, because whenever two women are fighting, It's obviously over a man because, you know, men are all-important and women are nothing.
Men are great.
All hail king man.
But yeah, she did steal my high-school sweetheart.
Not to mention my hairstyle, my mannerisms, and my eclectic, some say daring, sense of style.
She's a copycat, Dave.
She wants to be me.
I find that a little hard to believe.
You do sound a little paranoid.
What happened to sister solidarity? I don't know.
I think she and Bobby Seale opened up a restaurant in Houston.
Hey, that's funny.
Okay, you guys, you think I'm crazy? Fine, I'm going to prove it to you.
Pick a guy in this office.
Any guy.
Dave.
No, you can't pick Dave.
It ruins the experiment.
What experiment? Just pick a guy.
Matthew.
Okay, perfect, Matthew.
Okay, I'm going to drop a few hints that I "like" Matthew, all right? By lunchtime, I promise you, Sandi will be engaged to him.
I think that's very unlikely.
Well, you just wait and see.
[KNOCKING.]
Come in.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Mr.
Nelson, I thought you might like some coffee.
Oh, Thank you, Sandi.
Oh, and please call me Dave.
Oh, thank you, Dave.
Um, your 1:00 appointment just canceled, so I rescheduled it.
I hope that's all right? Oh, that's great.
Beth, I'll just be outside whenever you need me.
Hey, okay, great.
I got more time at lunch now.
Do you want to go up to the museum? Wait, wait, wait.
Did anyone notice what she did to her hair? It's the same clip! No, see, we'll go up to MOMA and then we'll get a bite to eat.
Yeah.
[LAUGHING.]
Sandi, I just love your hair.
Oh, thank you.
You guys are so sweet.
Hey, Matthew.
Yeah? I cannot get you out of my mind.
Sandi, want to meet me out in the hall? Okay.
It's really great meeting you guys.
Joe.
Yeah.
You know, she seems nice.
Yeah, she's very pleasant.
Very nice.
She wants me.
Come again? You didn't see that? No, I didn't see that.
You didn't see that? No, I did not see that, Joe.
Come on.
Looks like somebody's going to be taking an extra-long lunch break today.
Why, are you really super hungry or something? What? I'll explain it to you later, Matthew.
Oh, it's a black thing.
I don't have a TV.
Oh, man, this cat took it from the 10-yard line all the way back down to the other five-yard line-- Excuse me, fellas.
I just want to apologize for my behavior this morning.
I completely overreacted, and I'm sorry.
Don't even worry about that, man.
Go on, man.
Anyway, I'm going to grab a sandwich.
You fellas want me to pick you up anything? Yeah.
Bring us back something to chomp on.
Yeah, like some chippy chips or something.
You got it.
Forgot my wallet.
You want potato chips or tortilla chips? Excuse me.
Now, you know before you go to this elevator, I'm going to need to see some ID.
Come again? No ID, no entry.
I get it.
Now that we're buddies, you guys are pulling my leg.
A little lobby hijinks.
I love it.
You two sons of bitches have taken this too far.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I don't have time to argue this, but I will be back.
Oh, yeah.
When you get back, man, bring them chips with you, all right? Hey, girls.
Oh, wait, don't tell me.
Um, Matthew.
Yeah, Matthew.
Hi, Matthew.
Matthew, would you mind if I took off your glasses? Why would you want do that? I just want to see just how blue those eyes are.
It seems kind of silly.
Go ahead, though.
Oh, my, my, my.
It's like staring into the ocean.
Yeah.
They actually do get watery when there's a lot of pollen.
See, actually, what happened was my retina was detached.
Oh, yeah.
I was seeing all these floaties, you know? Oh, yeah, wow.
Anyways, I got to get back to work.
Oh, I'm sorry, of course.
And go to the bathroom.
Wow, that really was something, Beth.
Yes, it was.
Dave, how come we never talk dirty like that? I don't know.
Hey, let's go back to my office.
I'll tell you all about my tonsillectomy.
I'm back.
That was quick.
Hey, does this go under "subways" or "mass transit"? I don't know.
Let me check.
Busy little bees.
Buzz buzz buzz.
Buzzy wuzzy wuzzy.
"Buzzy wuzzy wuzzy.
" That's funny.
Yeah.
Better watch out.
You might get stung.
Bzzz! Ow.
You're a naughty little bee.
Look out, because here comes the big bad bumblebee.
Buzz Grow up.
Wow.
Hey, where you guys going? Oh, Sandi's taking me to her favorite restaurant.
Oh, sushi place, 53rd Street between 3rd and Lex? Yeah.
How'd you know? Ooh, lucky guess.
Oh, yeah, of course, because, oh, man I can't believe this keeps happening.
Are you all right? You know what she's like? She's like a slutty version of the singing frog in that cartoon.
You know, you know.
Hello, my honey Hello, my baby Oh, oh, oh, here comes Dave.
Ribbit.
So, Beth does this singing frog ever tell you to do things? Well, someone should find Dave and send him down to the security desk immediately! Bill, where the hell have you been? Thank you! I'm going to go catch a cab.
Okay, I'll be right out.
Gentlemen, meet my supervisor.
Hi.
What can I do for you? Do us a favor and please sign this ID waiver right here.
Oh, sure.
All right.
Now, Bill, would you please get in the booth? Wait! Wait! Wait.
Hey.
We didn't see his ID.
Oh, I should have known.
Well, I'm going to wait over here until my supervisor gets back from lunch.
Check this out.
You want to see the game this weekend, you come over.
I've just bought this 50-inch big, fat-ass TV.
Whoa.
Punches in the boxing looks like 3-D.
Yeah.
So long, suckers! Ha ha ha ha! You want me to get that one? Nah.
I'll go get it.
Could you try calling up there again? All right.
What was your extension? No.
1.
1.
That's funny.
I'm with you.
Just us guys having fun.
Ain't nothing hardly funny about a missing ID.
Hello.
Hi.
It's lobby security.
Yeah, I got a Mr.
McNeal here, and he--oh, he is? Oh, um, sorry, Mr.
"McNeal," but apparently, the real Mr.
McNeal is already upstairs.
Uh, I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am.
CATHERINE: No problem.
Buh-bye.
Ha ha ha ha.
You ladies come across any more of my personal files in there? "Mr.
James, charitable donations of"? No, no, no, no.
"Mr.
James, awards and honors given to"? Nuh-uh.
"Mr.
James, water investment, white"? I never invested in any water.
No water.
What are you talking about water? This is silly.
Sir, doesn't that actually mean Whitewater Investment? Doesn't what mean Whitewater Investment? That file.
What file? Hi, girls.
Hi, tiger.
Rrrowr! Ooh! Matthew.
Do that again.
I don't know.
I kind of hurt my throat.
Oh, please.
All right.
Rrrowr! Ooh! Actually, I think you sound more like a lion than a tiger.
Oh, uh, thanks, I guess.
No, these are the swift, speckled hands of a tiger.
Oh, that speckle.
I used to have the Michael Jackson disease.
Your skin changes color-- I have some lotion at home.
I could rub it on you for you.
I have something better than that.
Mmm! [DEEP VOICE.]
Well, I got to get back to work, ladies.
Dave, what up? What was she thinking? I guess in the heat of the moment, she just forgot that she doesn't really like Matthew that way.
Wham.
Right on the lips.
Just Well, I think we have a little problem here, people.
Sandi likes you? Yeah.
Well, obviously.
But I'm starting to think now-- Beth likes you too? That Beth likes me too.
Yeah.
Things are a little randy around here, David.
Oh, yeah, very randy.
In fact, I'd call it bawdy.
I feel like I'm in one of those Archie comic books.
I got Veronica on side of me, Betty on the other, and I can't pick which one.
Yeah, but neither one of them ever liked Jughead.
I'mArchie.
Oh.
Anyways, in the comics, all they ever did was kiss, but frankly, David, this could go much further.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I can see where it can't be very easy to be you, Matthew.
It is not easy, David.
I'm telling you.
It is not easy.
But between us three, I'm actually kind of enjoying it.
Okay, it just turned sad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There.
Those are all finished.
Want me to take half of yours? Uh, okay, sure.
Why don't you chew on these a while? I really like that jacket.
Where did you get it? Oh, I got it at this really cute little place down at-- I made it myself.
Where did you get the material? I got two silkworms-- one male, one female.
I put them together and let them reproduce for a year.
Then I spun the silk into a design that I created myself, and that is how I got the jacket.
Where did you get the silkworms? I can't take you anymore, Sandi.
All right.
I hope that the both of you are happy.
Matthew seems to think that he's about to be proposed to or propositioned, or pleasured in some way.
Then, whatever it is, I think that this charade has got to stop.
What charade? You know the charade we're talking about.
It's the one where you do your hair like me, you dress like me, and you act like me.
What? Oh, right! Sandi's crazy, crazy, crazy! Like that! Like what? Like that.
That's mine.
That "crazy, crazy, crazy"-- that's mine.
You copy everything I do.
It's like when we were in high school.
Remember I started wearing argyle leg warmers, then you started wearing them too.
Everybody was wearing them.
Not as a scarf! So I tried to be like you! So what? And the harder I tried, the more you made me miserable.
How did I make you miserable? Oh! What about that time you told me you were going to do that summer program with the Peace Corps, and really, you stayed home and worked for Six Flags, and I wound up digging wells in Uganda? That was a joke.
That was torturing me! So I slept with your boyfriends, okay? I'm pathetic! No, you're not.
You're not pathetic.
Yes, I am! I have a great sex life, and I'm pathetic.
All right.
Well, I'm glad we could have this little chat.
Whatever.
Oh, Sandi, Beth, good.
I'm glad I caught you.
Listen, this is oh, so hard for me, but I can't I can't keep stringing you both along like this, you know? Matthew? Please, Dave.
I've thought about this.
I've got a great idea.
Listen up.
I cannot make a decision, because you both are justperfect.
I mean, look at you.
You're great, so I've decided to just throw myself in the ring and let you guys decide who gets the prize.
Matthew, it breaks my heart to do this, but I think Beth would be better for you.
Oh, no.
Good.
Beth, looks like it's your lucky day.
That's sweet.
It's really sweet, and we're such good friends, you know? I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship.
Huh.
Well, looks like you get a second chance, Sandi.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to pass.
Oh.
Chocolates.
I'm sort of a chocoholic.
I like, uh, chocolates, and they're cheaper when you buy them in these funny-shape-- Oh, I see, it's a heart.
I didn't even notice.
Hey, Matthew, come on.
I'll get you a cup of coffee.
Matthew, we're really, really-- We're sorry.
If there's anything we could do.
I guess I could use a hug.
JIMMY: Oh, baby, is this my lucky day or what? Hey, kids, check this out.
Shredding a heart.
If that's not a metaphor for something, I don't know what is.
Well, I hate to be a downer, but there are still about so if you could? So, the, um, wearing leg warmers as a scarf thing was kind of a stupid look anyway, wasn't it? Yeah.
They really went for it in Uganda, though.
Wait a minute.
You told Beth and Sandi that it was against company policy to date me? Yeah, I'm sorry, but, you know, a policy is a policy, Matthew.
Well, this explains a lot.
What about you and Lisa? This policy only applies to Matthew.
That makes no sense at all! Well-- No.
No.
It does.
You'd be surprised.
There's a lot of company policies that only apply to me.
Hey, Bill.
You left your ID upstairs, man.
I took it before somebody could swipe it.
Thank you, Joseph! Well, gentlemen, Here we have it.
Take a good, long look.
Was it worth the wait? Feast your eyes on it.
Is it everything you hoped it would be? Ah, well, um, according to this ID right here this expired last month.
Come on, now.
I was just kidding.
I guess it's sort of funny.
Isn't it? It's hi-larious.
Uh-uh.
I still need to see some ID.
[.]
ID? I'm sorry.
I left it upstairs on my desk last night.
Aw, well, don't worry about that.
You be kind enough to step back over here behind the desk, I'll call right up, have you cleared in a jiffy.
Well, I'm not sure I have a jiffy to spare, so if you don't mind-- Morning, Bill.
Hey, baby.
Hey, darling, how you doing? Look, I work here.
My ID is on my desk, my desk is upstairs, where I work.
Which part of this don't you understand? Well, I understand everything perfectly, sir, but the building policy is no ID, no entry.
Look, what can we do for you, sir? Do you know who I am? I'm Bill McNeal.
He really is.
I can vouch for him.
Thank you, Matthew, my fellow co-worker at WNYX on the 14th floor.
Look, I don't care if you're the president of New York city.
No ID, no entry.
Lorenzo, Junior, what's up? Hey, big Joe.
I got wrecked last night, lost my ID in some bar.
Aw, don't worry about it, man.
Okay, you guys win.
No, no one wins in a situation like this, pal.
You've broken my spirit.
What can I do but turn around and go home? Man, I hate it when they start to get rude like that.
He's a very rude man.
There's no excuse for that type of behavior-- Hey.
Uh, Mr.
McNeal? Excuse me.
You know, up high, down low, in the middle, I still need to see some ID.
Just looking for a quarter for the paper.
Need a quarter? I'll give you a quarter.
You just signed your termination papers, my friend.
I'm calling your superiors and having you both fired immediately.
You think we should tell him that the phone's out of order? No.
I think he'll figure it out in a second.
Yeah, he figured it out.
[.]
All right, I got M through Q.
Where do you want them? Okay, great.
Over here I have J, K, L, so if you could just drop them right over there.
That would be great.
Thanks so much, Joe.
Thanks again for helping me get past those morons.
They're not morons, Bill.
They're just doing their job.
Just doing their job? That's what the men from the bank said when they repossessed my farm.
You never had a farm.
Farm, boat.
Same difference.
What's going on? Oh, we're re-filing old news stories from the past three years.
Dave discovered that the old station manager had a rather unique filing system.
What's unique? Well, name a topic.
I'll tell you how it was filed.
Okay.
Taxicabs.
Taxicabs.
That would be under "Yellow, things that are.
" That makes sense.
Right next to bananas.
Uh, no, actually, bananas are under "fruits, ones that I'm allergic to.
" Ass, sounds like this job is a pain in the.
Much, thank you very.
Hi, David.
Oh, hi.
Hey, Beth.
I know this is a huge job-- Oh, it's nothing, Dave.
So I've hired a temp for you, okay? Oh, yippee, yippee.
All right, now, remember, you are to supervise the temp, but she is not a toy.
Okay, so no dress-up.
And no taking her apart to find out how she works.
Hey, Dave.
Hi, Mr.
James.
Okay, Bethie, you know the drill.
Any controversial documents you run across, Ba-da-bing, I'm right here with Mr.
Shredder.
Okay.
Brand new, you know, state-of-the-art model.
If Nixon would have had this thing when that whole Watergate thing happened He'd still be dead now? Yeah.
Kind of puts it all in perspective, don't it? Anyway, I haven't had a chance to test him out.
Oh, wait.
Well, here you go.
What's this? Uh, that is a file on the Bronx Zoo, filed under, "Central Park Zoo, Not that one, but the other one.
" Let's feed this baby.
Whoa, look at her go.
Whoo.
That was fun.
You know, there's some sort of speed control on here somewhere.
Hang on, hang on.
Here are the instructions for the shredder.
Wait--wait a minute.
Wait--wait.
Shredding the instructions for the shredder.
Talk about your mind-blowing irony.
Dare I? Uh, sir-- Let's do it.
Go, baby, go.
Now, where the hell's that speed control? Hey, what's going on? Mr.
James dropped a muffin in the shredder.
Okay, I'll get Joe up here with his tools right away.
No, the shredder's fine.
He just sent me in here to get some doughnuts and bagels, or you know, "anything else that would look cool all chopped up.
" Of course.
Excuse me, I'm looking for a Mr.
Nelson? Hey, I think your temp's here.
Hi, I'm Dave Nelson.
Oh, how do you do? I'm Sandi Angelini.
Oh, hi, Sandi.
Now, you're going to be working for Beth today.
Let me introduce you.
Beth? Beth.
Sandi! Well, Beth.
Gosh, hey there.
Oh, my gosh.
So, you two know each other? Like since the fifth grade.
Wow, that's terrific.
This is so great.
Dave, can I see you in your office for a sec? Sure, sure.
Excuse us, Sandi.
It's great to see you.
Hey, you too, Sandi.
Fire her.
Your old friend Sandi? Yes.
Fire her now.
This is the temp? What--what's up? I mean, she steal your high-school sweetheart or something? Oh yeah, of course, because whenever two women are fighting, It's obviously over a man because, you know, men are all-important and women are nothing.
Men are great.
All hail king man.
But yeah, she did steal my high-school sweetheart.
Not to mention my hairstyle, my mannerisms, and my eclectic, some say daring, sense of style.
She's a copycat, Dave.
She wants to be me.
I find that a little hard to believe.
You do sound a little paranoid.
What happened to sister solidarity? I don't know.
I think she and Bobby Seale opened up a restaurant in Houston.
Hey, that's funny.
Okay, you guys, you think I'm crazy? Fine, I'm going to prove it to you.
Pick a guy in this office.
Any guy.
Dave.
No, you can't pick Dave.
It ruins the experiment.
What experiment? Just pick a guy.
Matthew.
Okay, perfect, Matthew.
Okay, I'm going to drop a few hints that I "like" Matthew, all right? By lunchtime, I promise you, Sandi will be engaged to him.
I think that's very unlikely.
Well, you just wait and see.
[KNOCKING.]
Come in.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Mr.
Nelson, I thought you might like some coffee.
Oh, Thank you, Sandi.
Oh, and please call me Dave.
Oh, thank you, Dave.
Um, your 1:00 appointment just canceled, so I rescheduled it.
I hope that's all right? Oh, that's great.
Beth, I'll just be outside whenever you need me.
Hey, okay, great.
I got more time at lunch now.
Do you want to go up to the museum? Wait, wait, wait.
Did anyone notice what she did to her hair? It's the same clip! No, see, we'll go up to MOMA and then we'll get a bite to eat.
Yeah.
[LAUGHING.]
Sandi, I just love your hair.
Oh, thank you.
You guys are so sweet.
Hey, Matthew.
Yeah? I cannot get you out of my mind.
Sandi, want to meet me out in the hall? Okay.
It's really great meeting you guys.
Joe.
Yeah.
You know, she seems nice.
Yeah, she's very pleasant.
Very nice.
She wants me.
Come again? You didn't see that? No, I didn't see that.
You didn't see that? No, I did not see that, Joe.
Come on.
Looks like somebody's going to be taking an extra-long lunch break today.
Why, are you really super hungry or something? What? I'll explain it to you later, Matthew.
Oh, it's a black thing.
I don't have a TV.
Oh, man, this cat took it from the 10-yard line all the way back down to the other five-yard line-- Excuse me, fellas.
I just want to apologize for my behavior this morning.
I completely overreacted, and I'm sorry.
Don't even worry about that, man.
Go on, man.
Anyway, I'm going to grab a sandwich.
You fellas want me to pick you up anything? Yeah.
Bring us back something to chomp on.
Yeah, like some chippy chips or something.
You got it.
Forgot my wallet.
You want potato chips or tortilla chips? Excuse me.
Now, you know before you go to this elevator, I'm going to need to see some ID.
Come again? No ID, no entry.
I get it.
Now that we're buddies, you guys are pulling my leg.
A little lobby hijinks.
I love it.
You two sons of bitches have taken this too far.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I don't have time to argue this, but I will be back.
Oh, yeah.
When you get back, man, bring them chips with you, all right? Hey, girls.
Oh, wait, don't tell me.
Um, Matthew.
Yeah, Matthew.
Hi, Matthew.
Matthew, would you mind if I took off your glasses? Why would you want do that? I just want to see just how blue those eyes are.
It seems kind of silly.
Go ahead, though.
Oh, my, my, my.
It's like staring into the ocean.
Yeah.
They actually do get watery when there's a lot of pollen.
See, actually, what happened was my retina was detached.
Oh, yeah.
I was seeing all these floaties, you know? Oh, yeah, wow.
Anyways, I got to get back to work.
Oh, I'm sorry, of course.
And go to the bathroom.
Wow, that really was something, Beth.
Yes, it was.
Dave, how come we never talk dirty like that? I don't know.
Hey, let's go back to my office.
I'll tell you all about my tonsillectomy.
I'm back.
That was quick.
Hey, does this go under "subways" or "mass transit"? I don't know.
Let me check.
Busy little bees.
Buzz buzz buzz.
Buzzy wuzzy wuzzy.
"Buzzy wuzzy wuzzy.
" That's funny.
Yeah.
Better watch out.
You might get stung.
Bzzz! Ow.
You're a naughty little bee.
Look out, because here comes the big bad bumblebee.
Buzz Grow up.
Wow.
Hey, where you guys going? Oh, Sandi's taking me to her favorite restaurant.
Oh, sushi place, 53rd Street between 3rd and Lex? Yeah.
How'd you know? Ooh, lucky guess.
Oh, yeah, of course, because, oh, man I can't believe this keeps happening.
Are you all right? You know what she's like? She's like a slutty version of the singing frog in that cartoon.
You know, you know.
Hello, my honey Hello, my baby Oh, oh, oh, here comes Dave.
Ribbit.
So, Beth does this singing frog ever tell you to do things? Well, someone should find Dave and send him down to the security desk immediately! Bill, where the hell have you been? Thank you! I'm going to go catch a cab.
Okay, I'll be right out.
Gentlemen, meet my supervisor.
Hi.
What can I do for you? Do us a favor and please sign this ID waiver right here.
Oh, sure.
All right.
Now, Bill, would you please get in the booth? Wait! Wait! Wait.
Hey.
We didn't see his ID.
Oh, I should have known.
Well, I'm going to wait over here until my supervisor gets back from lunch.
Check this out.
You want to see the game this weekend, you come over.
I've just bought this 50-inch big, fat-ass TV.
Whoa.
Punches in the boxing looks like 3-D.
Yeah.
So long, suckers! Ha ha ha ha! You want me to get that one? Nah.
I'll go get it.
Could you try calling up there again? All right.
What was your extension? No.
1.
1.
That's funny.
I'm with you.
Just us guys having fun.
Ain't nothing hardly funny about a missing ID.
Hello.
Hi.
It's lobby security.
Yeah, I got a Mr.
McNeal here, and he--oh, he is? Oh, um, sorry, Mr.
"McNeal," but apparently, the real Mr.
McNeal is already upstairs.
Uh, I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am.
CATHERINE: No problem.
Buh-bye.
Ha ha ha ha.
You ladies come across any more of my personal files in there? "Mr.
James, charitable donations of"? No, no, no, no.
"Mr.
James, awards and honors given to"? Nuh-uh.
"Mr.
James, water investment, white"? I never invested in any water.
No water.
What are you talking about water? This is silly.
Sir, doesn't that actually mean Whitewater Investment? Doesn't what mean Whitewater Investment? That file.
What file? Hi, girls.
Hi, tiger.
Rrrowr! Ooh! Matthew.
Do that again.
I don't know.
I kind of hurt my throat.
Oh, please.
All right.
Rrrowr! Ooh! Actually, I think you sound more like a lion than a tiger.
Oh, uh, thanks, I guess.
No, these are the swift, speckled hands of a tiger.
Oh, that speckle.
I used to have the Michael Jackson disease.
Your skin changes color-- I have some lotion at home.
I could rub it on you for you.
I have something better than that.
Mmm! [DEEP VOICE.]
Well, I got to get back to work, ladies.
Dave, what up? What was she thinking? I guess in the heat of the moment, she just forgot that she doesn't really like Matthew that way.
Wham.
Right on the lips.
Just Well, I think we have a little problem here, people.
Sandi likes you? Yeah.
Well, obviously.
But I'm starting to think now-- Beth likes you too? That Beth likes me too.
Yeah.
Things are a little randy around here, David.
Oh, yeah, very randy.
In fact, I'd call it bawdy.
I feel like I'm in one of those Archie comic books.
I got Veronica on side of me, Betty on the other, and I can't pick which one.
Yeah, but neither one of them ever liked Jughead.
I'mArchie.
Oh.
Anyways, in the comics, all they ever did was kiss, but frankly, David, this could go much further.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I can see where it can't be very easy to be you, Matthew.
It is not easy, David.
I'm telling you.
It is not easy.
But between us three, I'm actually kind of enjoying it.
Okay, it just turned sad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There.
Those are all finished.
Want me to take half of yours? Uh, okay, sure.
Why don't you chew on these a while? I really like that jacket.
Where did you get it? Oh, I got it at this really cute little place down at-- I made it myself.
Where did you get the material? I got two silkworms-- one male, one female.
I put them together and let them reproduce for a year.
Then I spun the silk into a design that I created myself, and that is how I got the jacket.
Where did you get the silkworms? I can't take you anymore, Sandi.
All right.
I hope that the both of you are happy.
Matthew seems to think that he's about to be proposed to or propositioned, or pleasured in some way.
Then, whatever it is, I think that this charade has got to stop.
What charade? You know the charade we're talking about.
It's the one where you do your hair like me, you dress like me, and you act like me.
What? Oh, right! Sandi's crazy, crazy, crazy! Like that! Like what? Like that.
That's mine.
That "crazy, crazy, crazy"-- that's mine.
You copy everything I do.
It's like when we were in high school.
Remember I started wearing argyle leg warmers, then you started wearing them too.
Everybody was wearing them.
Not as a scarf! So I tried to be like you! So what? And the harder I tried, the more you made me miserable.
How did I make you miserable? Oh! What about that time you told me you were going to do that summer program with the Peace Corps, and really, you stayed home and worked for Six Flags, and I wound up digging wells in Uganda? That was a joke.
That was torturing me! So I slept with your boyfriends, okay? I'm pathetic! No, you're not.
You're not pathetic.
Yes, I am! I have a great sex life, and I'm pathetic.
All right.
Well, I'm glad we could have this little chat.
Whatever.
Oh, Sandi, Beth, good.
I'm glad I caught you.
Listen, this is oh, so hard for me, but I can't I can't keep stringing you both along like this, you know? Matthew? Please, Dave.
I've thought about this.
I've got a great idea.
Listen up.
I cannot make a decision, because you both are justperfect.
I mean, look at you.
You're great, so I've decided to just throw myself in the ring and let you guys decide who gets the prize.
Matthew, it breaks my heart to do this, but I think Beth would be better for you.
Oh, no.
Good.
Beth, looks like it's your lucky day.
That's sweet.
It's really sweet, and we're such good friends, you know? I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship.
Huh.
Well, looks like you get a second chance, Sandi.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to pass.
Oh.
Chocolates.
I'm sort of a chocoholic.
I like, uh, chocolates, and they're cheaper when you buy them in these funny-shape-- Oh, I see, it's a heart.
I didn't even notice.
Hey, Matthew, come on.
I'll get you a cup of coffee.
Matthew, we're really, really-- We're sorry.
If there's anything we could do.
I guess I could use a hug.
JIMMY: Oh, baby, is this my lucky day or what? Hey, kids, check this out.
Shredding a heart.
If that's not a metaphor for something, I don't know what is.
Well, I hate to be a downer, but there are still about so if you could? So, the, um, wearing leg warmers as a scarf thing was kind of a stupid look anyway, wasn't it? Yeah.
They really went for it in Uganda, though.
Wait a minute.
You told Beth and Sandi that it was against company policy to date me? Yeah, I'm sorry, but, you know, a policy is a policy, Matthew.
Well, this explains a lot.
What about you and Lisa? This policy only applies to Matthew.
That makes no sense at all! Well-- No.
No.
It does.
You'd be surprised.
There's a lot of company policies that only apply to me.
Hey, Bill.
You left your ID upstairs, man.
I took it before somebody could swipe it.
Thank you, Joseph! Well, gentlemen, Here we have it.
Take a good, long look.
Was it worth the wait? Feast your eyes on it.
Is it everything you hoped it would be? Ah, well, um, according to this ID right here this expired last month.
Come on, now.
I was just kidding.
I guess it's sort of funny.
Isn't it? It's hi-larious.
Uh-uh.
I still need to see some ID.
[.]