One Day at a Time (2017) s02e06 Episode Script
Work Hard, Play Hard
1 I am crushing it.
I've never played so well.
I am burying you.
You realize you're the top half of the screen? No! Ah! I'm glad you're here, Schneider.
Finally.
I knew I'd hear those words one day.
The lights in the laundry room are out still.
I don't know whose bra this is, but she has a wild side, and I'm into it.
Can you do some work for once? Ah, what's the point? I change a light bulb.
A year later, I gotta change it again.
I mean, what are we doing here? That's mine.
Anyway, I'll fix the lights.
I gotta call my guy, Butch.
So, do that.
Don't micromanage me! What you need to do is to study with me for our citizenship tests.
Are you going to sit on that couch, eating junk food, watching TV all day? Or are you going to be an American? Please.
I'm very patriotic.
Look in that basket.
There's a bald eagle thong.
Check me out! Oh Sweet kicks, papito.
Abuelita, take a picture for my Insta.
Gonna stare this way so it doesn't look like I know you're doing it.
- Okay.
Okay.
- [PHONE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
What's going on south of your ankles, buddy? Aren't those the expensive sneakers I said you couldn't have? They were a gift from an admirer.
Mami I can spend my money how I want to.
How about contributing to the rent? I'm a senior! I'm on a fixed income! Mami, I'm trying to teach Alex the value of a dollar.
You need to pay for those or send them back.
I thought you wanted to get a summer job.
Ah, what's the point? I get some money, I spend some money.
I mean, what are we doing here? Preach.
Alex, those shoes stay in your closet until you find a way to pay Abuelita back.
Okay.
Fine.
Oh, ooh-ooh-ooh [DEEP INHALE.]
Your debt is forgiven.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Stop pampering him! Scott and Lori are on vacation.
Dr.
Berkowitz needs somebody in the office to help with filing.
Oh But if he goes to work with you, I barely get to see him.
Yeah, I'm okay with that.
- You start tomorrow.
- [SIGHS.]
You're so unfair! Alex seems very upset.
I'm gonna buy him something.
[LAUGHS.]
What are you laughing at, freeloader? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I told you three times already you need to get a summer job.
Yeah, I know.
And that is why I got one.
You did? Just hear me out.
I started my own channel on Twitch.
It's a site where you make money when people watch you play video games.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
You had me there for a second.
You did.
No, no, no, no.
It's a real thing.
It's like what they say, "Do what you love, and the money will follow.
" Ay, baby.
That's for rich white ladies who want to make jewelry.
No, no.
Penelope, this could be huge.
Hey, can I be your unpaid intern? - What are your qualifications? - This is all my stuff.
- You're hired! - Yes! Elena, you need to get a real job.
One where you sweat, get blisters, wear an ill-fitting polyester uniform.
Those things don't breathe! [LYDIA.]
Yeah.
Listen, when I was your age, I had three jobs.
Courier, seamstress and I sold Avon door-to-door.
[PENELOPE.]
Thank you.
When I was your age, I was scooping ice cream.
By the end of the summer, my right arm looked like Popeye, the left one looked like Olive Oyl.
Then I joined the army.
Almost died.
Get a job.
All right.
Mom, look.
I have a plan.
If I get 1,000 subscribers, I'll make more than I would doing any minimum wage job.
Just give me a chance.
Okay.
I do like that you are showing initiative, so I'm gonna give you one week.
Thank you, Mom.
Come on.
We better get back to work.
We're all going to hell.
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Thanks, Doc.
This is gonna be great for him and for me.
I loved the summer I worked with my papi.
On the drive home, we'd have these long talks, and they were the closest times we ever had.
When I go out with my daughters, they make me follow in a separate cab.
Alex, you are about to see your mom in action.
She is the best at what she does and commands respect.
Here's my urine.
Okay, sir.
Penelope, thanks again for squeezing me in on short notice.
Money's tight and it was great not to miss a day of work.
Ugh.
I hear ya.
Oh! This is right out of the oven.
[LAUGHS.]
So, we talked about your protein levels.
- I'll call, soon as I get the results.
- Thank you.
If every nurse were more like you, people wouldn't hate going to the doctor.
You're just saying that so I give you a lollipop.
- And here you go.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ha! You hear that, papito? I got followers in real life.
[LAUGHS.]
Papito? Come on! You are missing all the action.
That guy just said I am the Beyoncé of nurses.
Okay, but I made a really good playlist.
It's all songs with "boy" in the title.
So I can remember how innocent I was before you forced me to work here.
Heh.
When we're at work, we work.
This is not a dance party.
[SINGING IN SPANISH.]
[LAUGHS.]
What are you doing here? Well, you left so quickly this morning that I didn't have a chance to spritz papito with violetas.
No, no, Mami.
This is a doctor's office.
You cannot be spraying that.
Ah, damn it.
Hit me.
[SNIFFS.]
I thought I smelled your mother.
Oh, I feel so proud of my little genius doctorcito.
Hi, Lydia.
Oh! Hi, Leslie.
I forgot you work here.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't mind me.
I just brought papito a working man's lunch.
So, we got a roast beef sandwich, a ham sandwich, a turkey sandwich, half of a rotisserie chicken, the other half of the rotisserie chicken and a whoopie pie.
[CHUCKLES.]
- What'd you bring me? - Here is yogurt and some rouge.
Siéntate.
It's so good that your mother is here.
You know, now, maybe, she could watch me do my thang.
You're not gonna start with the magic tricks, are you? No, practicing medicine.
I've been a little bit on edge about our "relationship.
" - Why'd you put that in quotes? - She asked me to.
I get it.
I was hoping Alex could see me do my thang, too.
But so far it's just been cold cuts and hot pee.
No, no, I get it.
If someone would just drop dead and I could revive them in front of her, really give her a show! Papito, there is mustard on your chin.
Oh? Does someone need a napkin? No.
So, how was your day? Wanna talk? Nah, I'm good.
Come on, it was your first day on the job.
What was the most interesting thing that happened? I saw a folder for a guy named David Davids.
That was kind of weird.
What? That's hilarious! [LAUGHS.]
Actually, Mr.
Davids passed away.
We should probably shred that file.
Anything else you took away from today? Yeah.
It must be hard to be a nurse.
It is.
It's so boring! So much of your day is shining a light in people's noses and filling out forms.
It's like you're an accountant who also has to look at boogers.
I don't know how you do this every day.
Yeah, you can put the headphones back on.
This is Blanquita16, and we are about to get started playing in VR mode.
So as you can see, the graphics are amazing.
That 4K is really working its magic.
Schneider the intern, checking in.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I just wanna say, it's a real honor playing as a woman.
A real pleasure.
Stop it! I'm trying.
How are women not distracted all day? I cannot believe you two.
Talking to peoples who aren't even there.
[SCOFFS.]
Can you believe this, Berto? Anyway We're about to battle, but first, let's check out those lifelike reflections on the floor.
[BOTH.]
Oh [BOTH EXCLAIMING.]
But I'm a lady! - What the hell is going on? - I'm working, Mom! Penelope, tell my third stepmother I loved her! Not the second one, though.
She was kind of a jerk.
Say goodbye to your whole stepfamily, 'cause you're [EXCLAIMS.]
finished! Okay, guys, subscribe to my channel.
This is Blanquita16 signing off.
Peace in the real world, chaos everywhere else.
Adiós! Sorry, I was wrong.
This is obviously work.
It's like watching a business class at Harvard.
It's going great.
I'm up to over 100 subscribers.
Yeah, Elena is legit.
She's gonna be a mogul, have an entourage, probably a jet.
Mogul, entourage, jet? Those are my things! Elena, give papito back his things.
She's been working really hard at this.
I'm so inspired.
Makes me wanna get a job.
- You have a job.
- No, this is just an internship.
- Fix the lights.
- I'll call Butch.
Whatever! Look, Elena, I'm glad this is going well.
- But how much money have you made? - Seven thousand magic pebbles, redeemable for virtual stickers.
Elena, a real job is much more Boring.
Papito, no.
You just came on the wrong day.
It's usually much more exciting.
The other day, this guy came in with a rash that looked like a smiley face.
[LAUGHS.]
Come on.
I'm gonna return the shoes.
No.
You have a job.
And I hate that job.
I wanna do what Elena's doing or anything else.
You can't quit after one day.
You gotta see this rash.
His nipples are the eyes.
Ew! I'm going to teach you a very important part of medicine.
How to take a patient history.
So, why don't you pretend to be Oh, I don't know your grandmother? That's weird.
But I'm super bored, so sure.
Great, great, great.
Okay.
First question.
Uh Age? [IMITATES LYDIA.]
A lady never tells.
Of course.
Of course.
Any allergies? My Cuban blood is far too strong.
Man, you are good.
Okay.
Okay.
- Favorite flower? - [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
That a medical thing? It's related to the allergies.
Just answer the question.
- I guess gardenias.
- Perfect.
So, Thai food at home or duck à l'orange at a candlelit bistro? Look, Doc, my grandma likes you.
You just need to be a little more chill.
Not so available.
Be busy sometimes.
And that is why you always wear gloves.
- Nurse Alvarez, do you have a second? - Yeah.
Of course I do.
Come in.
What can I do for you? I wanted to come back and tell you that you totally screwed me over.
[CHUCKLES.]
Excuse me? My insurance company is charging me for my physical, because it happened in the same 365-day period as my last one, and I'm covered for one a year! I'm sorry that's happening, but you did call and ask to be seen as soon as possible.
No, I would have waited if I knew it was gonna cost me money.
[INHALES, EXHALES.]
Know what? I'm gonna go to Dr.
Mazzara from now on.
Send my stuff there.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll do that.
Try not to screw that up, too.
So, um, how was your day? Wanna talk? Nah.
I'm good.
What was the most interesting thing that happened? Okay, I'll go first.
I discovered that the coffee machine also makes hot cocoa.
What? Total game changer.
[SIGHS.]
So, how about that guy that went off on you? [SCOFFS.]
Does that happen a lot? Sometimes.
[SIGHS.]
It's part of the gig.
Gotta put up with crap you don't want to.
Some days you're taking blood pressure, and you just wanna keep squeezing, and squeezing and squeezing until their stupid eyes pop out of their stupid head.
Dang, Mami! It's fine.
Put those headphones back on.
[SCREAMS.]
- I didn't push play yet.
- [EXHALES.]
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'll wait till you push play.
[SCREAMS AND PANTS.]
Okay, guys.
I'm finally on pace to beat this speed run.
Only 57 failed attempts.
No big.
[CHUCKLES.]
Elena, what are the first few words of the Declaration of Independence? Leave me alone.
I know that's the gist of it.
Abuelita, I'm working.
Okay, fine.
I don't need you anyways, because I have Cuban tricks to remember American facts.
Por ejemplo, the American flag is red, white and blue.
The Cuban flag is red, white, and blue.
The American flag has 50 stars.
And Cuba has one.
Me.
I'm recording! What is going on now? I'm working and you're in my office! Elena, I had a long day at work.
Can I have five minutes of peace and quiet after I walk through the door? The usual? No, no.
Leave the bottle.
[SQUEALS.]
Elena, when is the last time you slept [SNIFFS.]
or took a shower? Those aren't options when you're building a brand.
I can help.
No, no, no.
Get out of here! I'm falling behind.
My subscribers expect constant content.
There's this couple in Bulgaria who are just waking up that I can't disappoint.
Dobro utro, Mr.
and Mrs.
Berbatov.
Wait.
Dude, you're in the final castle.
I know.
I'm almost there.
Just one more What? What is Hey, guys.
Butch was busy, so I was doing a little sleuthing on the electrical panel.
Question.
Did the power go off for a couple seconds? I have to start over.
I'm gonna kill you! - Whoa! You seem stressed, boss.
Coffee? - Get over here! [SCREAMING.]
[PENELOPE.]
Stop it! Yeah! And, girl, you smell rank.
And like violets? - Get out! - Okay, all right.
Breathe.
Come on, baby.
What's wrong with you? I need you to breathe.
I'm going crazy.
Last time I went to the bathroom, 18 hours ago, I looked in the mirror, and all I saw was a wildling.
I tried to swipe her away, but I couldn't.
And she was trying to swipe me.
Yeah.
You're not doing this anymore.
It's over.
What? Actually, thank you so much.
I thought playing video games for a living would be amazing.
Then it got hard and tedious and not fun.
It's just more like - A job? - Yeah.
Yes.
It's okay.
You're 16.
You don't need to build a brand.
You need to make a little money, so you could feel good about yourself.
I know I told you my first job was hard, but, um, was it? I spent the whole summer eating free ice cream and flirting with Joe Camarda.
Sounds pretty good.
Especially if Joe were Jodi.
There you go.
The point is, you have the rest of your life to hate your job.
And you will.
'Cause when you're an adult, work is terrible.
When you're not taking someone's pee, you're taking their crap.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Ay, Leslie.
For me? Hi, Lydia.
I forgot you lived here.
Penelope, you remember Liese Aucoin? She was the patient with all of the back pain.
Yeah.
I thought it was some sort of strained muscle, but your mother, she could tell something was off.
So we sent Liese in for more tests.
And we discovered it was lymphoma.
But we caught it early, she made a full recovery.
And just last week, she had a baby girl.
She said that she never would've had a daughter without you.
And so she named her Penelope.
Oh So, what I'm hearing is this is not my gift basket? Mom, that's awesome.
Yes.
You see? Work isn't always terrible.
This showed up after you left, and I knew you had a pretty rough day, so I thought I would run it over.
- Thanks, Doc.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
I got something for you, young man.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Good work this week.
Thank you.
Leslie, can I make you a plate for dinner? I wish I could, but I'm busy.
You are? Doing what? I don't know! [CHUCKLES.]
Guys, look at Baby Penelope.
See? When I asked you to come work with me, Alex, these are the things I wanted to share.
- You know, this is what's important - Oh, my God! $80! Yeah! Okay.
That's important, too.
Check me out, I'mma make it rain.
It's more like a drizzle, but all right.
Congratulations, papito.
Man, I worked so hard and I never even made any money.
Here you go, sweetheart.
Get yourself a little something on me.
- I'm gonna kill you! - No! No! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
Whatever.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, Schneider.
I noticed you finally fixed the lights in the laundry room.
Bravo.
Ah, it was the least I could do.
Also, I didn't do it.
See, I realized why I wasn't happy at work.
Because you never push yourself and you have the soft, white hands of a geisha? Oh Arigato.
But it's really that I'm more of a manager than a "worker," per se.
So I hired an assistant to handle all the basics around the building while I focus on the big-picture stuff.
Check it out.
I'm Butch.
I've never played so well.
I am burying you.
You realize you're the top half of the screen? No! Ah! I'm glad you're here, Schneider.
Finally.
I knew I'd hear those words one day.
The lights in the laundry room are out still.
I don't know whose bra this is, but she has a wild side, and I'm into it.
Can you do some work for once? Ah, what's the point? I change a light bulb.
A year later, I gotta change it again.
I mean, what are we doing here? That's mine.
Anyway, I'll fix the lights.
I gotta call my guy, Butch.
So, do that.
Don't micromanage me! What you need to do is to study with me for our citizenship tests.
Are you going to sit on that couch, eating junk food, watching TV all day? Or are you going to be an American? Please.
I'm very patriotic.
Look in that basket.
There's a bald eagle thong.
Check me out! Oh Sweet kicks, papito.
Abuelita, take a picture for my Insta.
Gonna stare this way so it doesn't look like I know you're doing it.
- Okay.
Okay.
- [PHONE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
What's going on south of your ankles, buddy? Aren't those the expensive sneakers I said you couldn't have? They were a gift from an admirer.
Mami I can spend my money how I want to.
How about contributing to the rent? I'm a senior! I'm on a fixed income! Mami, I'm trying to teach Alex the value of a dollar.
You need to pay for those or send them back.
I thought you wanted to get a summer job.
Ah, what's the point? I get some money, I spend some money.
I mean, what are we doing here? Preach.
Alex, those shoes stay in your closet until you find a way to pay Abuelita back.
Okay.
Fine.
Oh, ooh-ooh-ooh [DEEP INHALE.]
Your debt is forgiven.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Stop pampering him! Scott and Lori are on vacation.
Dr.
Berkowitz needs somebody in the office to help with filing.
Oh But if he goes to work with you, I barely get to see him.
Yeah, I'm okay with that.
- You start tomorrow.
- [SIGHS.]
You're so unfair! Alex seems very upset.
I'm gonna buy him something.
[LAUGHS.]
What are you laughing at, freeloader? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I told you three times already you need to get a summer job.
Yeah, I know.
And that is why I got one.
You did? Just hear me out.
I started my own channel on Twitch.
It's a site where you make money when people watch you play video games.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
You had me there for a second.
You did.
No, no, no, no.
It's a real thing.
It's like what they say, "Do what you love, and the money will follow.
" Ay, baby.
That's for rich white ladies who want to make jewelry.
No, no.
Penelope, this could be huge.
Hey, can I be your unpaid intern? - What are your qualifications? - This is all my stuff.
- You're hired! - Yes! Elena, you need to get a real job.
One where you sweat, get blisters, wear an ill-fitting polyester uniform.
Those things don't breathe! [LYDIA.]
Yeah.
Listen, when I was your age, I had three jobs.
Courier, seamstress and I sold Avon door-to-door.
[PENELOPE.]
Thank you.
When I was your age, I was scooping ice cream.
By the end of the summer, my right arm looked like Popeye, the left one looked like Olive Oyl.
Then I joined the army.
Almost died.
Get a job.
All right.
Mom, look.
I have a plan.
If I get 1,000 subscribers, I'll make more than I would doing any minimum wage job.
Just give me a chance.
Okay.
I do like that you are showing initiative, so I'm gonna give you one week.
Thank you, Mom.
Come on.
We better get back to work.
We're all going to hell.
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Thanks, Doc.
This is gonna be great for him and for me.
I loved the summer I worked with my papi.
On the drive home, we'd have these long talks, and they were the closest times we ever had.
When I go out with my daughters, they make me follow in a separate cab.
Alex, you are about to see your mom in action.
She is the best at what she does and commands respect.
Here's my urine.
Okay, sir.
Penelope, thanks again for squeezing me in on short notice.
Money's tight and it was great not to miss a day of work.
Ugh.
I hear ya.
Oh! This is right out of the oven.
[LAUGHS.]
So, we talked about your protein levels.
- I'll call, soon as I get the results.
- Thank you.
If every nurse were more like you, people wouldn't hate going to the doctor.
You're just saying that so I give you a lollipop.
- And here you go.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ha! You hear that, papito? I got followers in real life.
[LAUGHS.]
Papito? Come on! You are missing all the action.
That guy just said I am the Beyoncé of nurses.
Okay, but I made a really good playlist.
It's all songs with "boy" in the title.
So I can remember how innocent I was before you forced me to work here.
Heh.
When we're at work, we work.
This is not a dance party.
[SINGING IN SPANISH.]
[LAUGHS.]
What are you doing here? Well, you left so quickly this morning that I didn't have a chance to spritz papito with violetas.
No, no, Mami.
This is a doctor's office.
You cannot be spraying that.
Ah, damn it.
Hit me.
[SNIFFS.]
I thought I smelled your mother.
Oh, I feel so proud of my little genius doctorcito.
Hi, Lydia.
Oh! Hi, Leslie.
I forgot you work here.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't mind me.
I just brought papito a working man's lunch.
So, we got a roast beef sandwich, a ham sandwich, a turkey sandwich, half of a rotisserie chicken, the other half of the rotisserie chicken and a whoopie pie.
[CHUCKLES.]
- What'd you bring me? - Here is yogurt and some rouge.
Siéntate.
It's so good that your mother is here.
You know, now, maybe, she could watch me do my thang.
You're not gonna start with the magic tricks, are you? No, practicing medicine.
I've been a little bit on edge about our "relationship.
" - Why'd you put that in quotes? - She asked me to.
I get it.
I was hoping Alex could see me do my thang, too.
But so far it's just been cold cuts and hot pee.
No, no, I get it.
If someone would just drop dead and I could revive them in front of her, really give her a show! Papito, there is mustard on your chin.
Oh? Does someone need a napkin? No.
So, how was your day? Wanna talk? Nah, I'm good.
Come on, it was your first day on the job.
What was the most interesting thing that happened? I saw a folder for a guy named David Davids.
That was kind of weird.
What? That's hilarious! [LAUGHS.]
Actually, Mr.
Davids passed away.
We should probably shred that file.
Anything else you took away from today? Yeah.
It must be hard to be a nurse.
It is.
It's so boring! So much of your day is shining a light in people's noses and filling out forms.
It's like you're an accountant who also has to look at boogers.
I don't know how you do this every day.
Yeah, you can put the headphones back on.
This is Blanquita16, and we are about to get started playing in VR mode.
So as you can see, the graphics are amazing.
That 4K is really working its magic.
Schneider the intern, checking in.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I just wanna say, it's a real honor playing as a woman.
A real pleasure.
Stop it! I'm trying.
How are women not distracted all day? I cannot believe you two.
Talking to peoples who aren't even there.
[SCOFFS.]
Can you believe this, Berto? Anyway We're about to battle, but first, let's check out those lifelike reflections on the floor.
[BOTH.]
Oh [BOTH EXCLAIMING.]
But I'm a lady! - What the hell is going on? - I'm working, Mom! Penelope, tell my third stepmother I loved her! Not the second one, though.
She was kind of a jerk.
Say goodbye to your whole stepfamily, 'cause you're [EXCLAIMS.]
finished! Okay, guys, subscribe to my channel.
This is Blanquita16 signing off.
Peace in the real world, chaos everywhere else.
Adiós! Sorry, I was wrong.
This is obviously work.
It's like watching a business class at Harvard.
It's going great.
I'm up to over 100 subscribers.
Yeah, Elena is legit.
She's gonna be a mogul, have an entourage, probably a jet.
Mogul, entourage, jet? Those are my things! Elena, give papito back his things.
She's been working really hard at this.
I'm so inspired.
Makes me wanna get a job.
- You have a job.
- No, this is just an internship.
- Fix the lights.
- I'll call Butch.
Whatever! Look, Elena, I'm glad this is going well.
- But how much money have you made? - Seven thousand magic pebbles, redeemable for virtual stickers.
Elena, a real job is much more Boring.
Papito, no.
You just came on the wrong day.
It's usually much more exciting.
The other day, this guy came in with a rash that looked like a smiley face.
[LAUGHS.]
Come on.
I'm gonna return the shoes.
No.
You have a job.
And I hate that job.
I wanna do what Elena's doing or anything else.
You can't quit after one day.
You gotta see this rash.
His nipples are the eyes.
Ew! I'm going to teach you a very important part of medicine.
How to take a patient history.
So, why don't you pretend to be Oh, I don't know your grandmother? That's weird.
But I'm super bored, so sure.
Great, great, great.
Okay.
First question.
Uh Age? [IMITATES LYDIA.]
A lady never tells.
Of course.
Of course.
Any allergies? My Cuban blood is far too strong.
Man, you are good.
Okay.
Okay.
- Favorite flower? - [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
That a medical thing? It's related to the allergies.
Just answer the question.
- I guess gardenias.
- Perfect.
So, Thai food at home or duck à l'orange at a candlelit bistro? Look, Doc, my grandma likes you.
You just need to be a little more chill.
Not so available.
Be busy sometimes.
And that is why you always wear gloves.
- Nurse Alvarez, do you have a second? - Yeah.
Of course I do.
Come in.
What can I do for you? I wanted to come back and tell you that you totally screwed me over.
[CHUCKLES.]
Excuse me? My insurance company is charging me for my physical, because it happened in the same 365-day period as my last one, and I'm covered for one a year! I'm sorry that's happening, but you did call and ask to be seen as soon as possible.
No, I would have waited if I knew it was gonna cost me money.
[INHALES, EXHALES.]
Know what? I'm gonna go to Dr.
Mazzara from now on.
Send my stuff there.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll do that.
Try not to screw that up, too.
So, um, how was your day? Wanna talk? Nah.
I'm good.
What was the most interesting thing that happened? Okay, I'll go first.
I discovered that the coffee machine also makes hot cocoa.
What? Total game changer.
[SIGHS.]
So, how about that guy that went off on you? [SCOFFS.]
Does that happen a lot? Sometimes.
[SIGHS.]
It's part of the gig.
Gotta put up with crap you don't want to.
Some days you're taking blood pressure, and you just wanna keep squeezing, and squeezing and squeezing until their stupid eyes pop out of their stupid head.
Dang, Mami! It's fine.
Put those headphones back on.
[SCREAMS.]
- I didn't push play yet.
- [EXHALES.]
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'll wait till you push play.
[SCREAMS AND PANTS.]
Okay, guys.
I'm finally on pace to beat this speed run.
Only 57 failed attempts.
No big.
[CHUCKLES.]
Elena, what are the first few words of the Declaration of Independence? Leave me alone.
I know that's the gist of it.
Abuelita, I'm working.
Okay, fine.
I don't need you anyways, because I have Cuban tricks to remember American facts.
Por ejemplo, the American flag is red, white and blue.
The Cuban flag is red, white, and blue.
The American flag has 50 stars.
And Cuba has one.
Me.
I'm recording! What is going on now? I'm working and you're in my office! Elena, I had a long day at work.
Can I have five minutes of peace and quiet after I walk through the door? The usual? No, no.
Leave the bottle.
[SQUEALS.]
Elena, when is the last time you slept [SNIFFS.]
or took a shower? Those aren't options when you're building a brand.
I can help.
No, no, no.
Get out of here! I'm falling behind.
My subscribers expect constant content.
There's this couple in Bulgaria who are just waking up that I can't disappoint.
Dobro utro, Mr.
and Mrs.
Berbatov.
Wait.
Dude, you're in the final castle.
I know.
I'm almost there.
Just one more What? What is Hey, guys.
Butch was busy, so I was doing a little sleuthing on the electrical panel.
Question.
Did the power go off for a couple seconds? I have to start over.
I'm gonna kill you! - Whoa! You seem stressed, boss.
Coffee? - Get over here! [SCREAMING.]
[PENELOPE.]
Stop it! Yeah! And, girl, you smell rank.
And like violets? - Get out! - Okay, all right.
Breathe.
Come on, baby.
What's wrong with you? I need you to breathe.
I'm going crazy.
Last time I went to the bathroom, 18 hours ago, I looked in the mirror, and all I saw was a wildling.
I tried to swipe her away, but I couldn't.
And she was trying to swipe me.
Yeah.
You're not doing this anymore.
It's over.
What? Actually, thank you so much.
I thought playing video games for a living would be amazing.
Then it got hard and tedious and not fun.
It's just more like - A job? - Yeah.
Yes.
It's okay.
You're 16.
You don't need to build a brand.
You need to make a little money, so you could feel good about yourself.
I know I told you my first job was hard, but, um, was it? I spent the whole summer eating free ice cream and flirting with Joe Camarda.
Sounds pretty good.
Especially if Joe were Jodi.
There you go.
The point is, you have the rest of your life to hate your job.
And you will.
'Cause when you're an adult, work is terrible.
When you're not taking someone's pee, you're taking their crap.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
Ay, Leslie.
For me? Hi, Lydia.
I forgot you lived here.
Penelope, you remember Liese Aucoin? She was the patient with all of the back pain.
Yeah.
I thought it was some sort of strained muscle, but your mother, she could tell something was off.
So we sent Liese in for more tests.
And we discovered it was lymphoma.
But we caught it early, she made a full recovery.
And just last week, she had a baby girl.
She said that she never would've had a daughter without you.
And so she named her Penelope.
Oh So, what I'm hearing is this is not my gift basket? Mom, that's awesome.
Yes.
You see? Work isn't always terrible.
This showed up after you left, and I knew you had a pretty rough day, so I thought I would run it over.
- Thanks, Doc.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
I got something for you, young man.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Good work this week.
Thank you.
Leslie, can I make you a plate for dinner? I wish I could, but I'm busy.
You are? Doing what? I don't know! [CHUCKLES.]
Guys, look at Baby Penelope.
See? When I asked you to come work with me, Alex, these are the things I wanted to share.
- You know, this is what's important - Oh, my God! $80! Yeah! Okay.
That's important, too.
Check me out, I'mma make it rain.
It's more like a drizzle, but all right.
Congratulations, papito.
Man, I worked so hard and I never even made any money.
Here you go, sweetheart.
Get yourself a little something on me.
- I'm gonna kill you! - No! No! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
Whatever.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, Schneider.
I noticed you finally fixed the lights in the laundry room.
Bravo.
Ah, it was the least I could do.
Also, I didn't do it.
See, I realized why I wasn't happy at work.
Because you never push yourself and you have the soft, white hands of a geisha? Oh Arigato.
But it's really that I'm more of a manager than a "worker," per se.
So I hired an assistant to handle all the basics around the building while I focus on the big-picture stuff.
Check it out.
I'm Butch.