Packed to the Rafters (2008) s02e06 Episode Script
Little Arrows
(KOOKABURRAS LAUGH) (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYS) SONG: There's a boy, a little boy I' Shooting arrows in the blue And he's aiming them at someone But the question is at who Is it me or is it you? It's hard to tell until you're hit But you'll know it when it hits you 'Cause it'll hurt a little bit TED: Who'd have thought it? That little rascal Cupid takes a pot shot in my direction and scores a bullseye.
I wasn't expecting to find love but I might have found it and a future with Marjorie.
I' Little arrows in your clothing Little arrows in your hair I' And today! was meeting the family.
No hassles, just lunch with her pregnant daughter, who could talk baby business with my pregnant daughter.
Everything was going my way.
Not even close.
Oh, the pain Ah, the vision splendid It doesn't matter how many years you've been on this earth, when you're in love, you're only ever 19.
You're looking pretty damn good.
I feel pretty damn good.
For you.
Oh, gorgeous.
And your favourite bottle of red.
Hi, Marjorie.
Hi, Julie.
Hi.
Dave sends his apologies.
He had a big job on, so he's sorry.
Oh, you didn't have to.
Oh, it's just some carrot and dip.
I'm really looking forward to meeting Susannah and her partner.
Yeah, I must admit, you've never told me his name.
Hello, everybody.
You must be Ted.
Oh, hello.
Susannah, I take it.
I can see you've inherited your mother's good looks.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) You've gotta watch the smooth ones, Mum.
Susannah! Hi! Oh, my daughter Julie.
(BOTH LAUGH) Yeah, we've already met.
Hi! Nine Moons.
Oh, my God.
Nine Moons'? Oh, it's our mothers wellness group.
Oh, well, it didn't take you long to get onto that.
Oh, Mum organised it for us.
It's obviously working for you.
I thought you were a little bit further along.
I'm sorry? Well, I thought you were due next month and you're not even showing.
Hasn't Mum told you? I was just about to.
Oh, Susannah, I'm sorry.
We went through a similar thing after Julie was born, so I understand.
Look, you can always try again.
Ted, I'm not the pregnant one.
My partner is.
Abby.
Abby? TED: Partner? Pregnant?! Sorry! I can't last five minutes before I need the loo.
(LAUGHS) I understand the problem.
Nice recovery, Ted.
Abby, I'm Ted.
Hi, Ted.
How are you? I've heard a lot about you.
And you know Julie.
Hi.
(GASPS) No way! You're that Julie! Hi! Small world.
It certainly is.
I might just open this.
I think I might go and help you.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, I didn't want you to prejudge their relationship.
I thought if you had a chance to meet them casually, you know, and see how much they care for each other Well, it's a bit of a shock.
I'd be lying if I said otherwise.
But she's your daughter.
You love her.
I mean, we can't help how our kids turn out.
I think Susannah 'turned out' quite well.
(SIGHS) What I meant was we can't make our kids turn out the same as us.
Thanks.
It means a lot to me, you being here with us.
It's what I've wanted.
To be a family.
I hope that's not for Susannah.
Well, not just for Susannah.
White wine only.
Too many histamines in red.
I never really had a problem with the others but with this one it's been chronic.
I'm just glad I'm past my first trimester.
I had terrible morning sickness with Susannah.
But it was worth it, right? Well, if you're asking if I'd do it again (ALL LAUGH) I see.
I see where I stand.
Oh, for me it's my bladder and my back.
But thank God for Susannah's healing hands.
Oh, you give good massage? Oh, excuse me, the best! Oh, sorry, Ted.
You're having white as well, aren't you, Mum? Yes, please.
But you're a red girl.
No, it's fine.
You know, I don't know how they've managed packing up on the Gold Coast and a long drive down and setting up a new business.
Me not much help waddling around like an over-inflated walrus.
Oh! Well, it's never an easy time for anyone.
(LAUGHS) Isn't that always the line? âYou women think you've got it tough.
" (LAUGHS) So how did you guys manage the process? Oh, we never even went there with the sperm bank thing.
Too impersonal.
Yeah.
We want our child to know its father.
A close friend? Even closer.
Yeah.
It's a perfect genetic match.
My brother.
(SIGHS) OK, Libby, I will get there if I can.
Alright, well, look, I'll have a shower and I'll see how I feel afterwards.
Ciao, ciao.
Ciao, ciao? It's Italian for 'goodbye'.
Oh.
I thought it was Australian for 'dog food'.
(LAUGHS) (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, the wit.
What are you doing here anyway'? Ajob.
A big office fit-out.
Probably gonna be working around the clock, which means I can't stay and chat.
Oh, how will I survive? Oh, I don't suppose you could rustle up some sambos for me? Oh, I'd love to.
Now, where did I put that strychnine? Are you alright, Dad? I'm fine.
Well, you don't seem fine.
Gay kids.
I guess it's like the measles.
Someone's gotta get 'em, you're just grateful it's not you.
Oh, Dad! No, that part of it doesn't bother me, honestly.
But when you add in the kid Oh, come on.
I mean, how is it gonna feel about having two mums? And then his dad's his uncle'? Well, isn't the most important thing that Susannah and Abby will love the child totally and unconditionally'? Yeah, to them, but the kid doesn't get a say.
Well, I didn't get a say either.
Yeah, but your father didn't dance in Mardi Gras.
Prance around the house in a dress.
Well Well, not till much later.
Perhaps if I let Susannah in on me in your mum's dresses, she wouldn't glare at me like that.
Oh, she didn't glare at you, Dad.
You're her mum's new boyfriend.
She's being protective.
You just need to get used to each other, that's all.
OK, I'll take them out to dinner at the Italian and we'll bond over Marjorie's favourite, prawn and blue cheese risotto.
(GAGS) You OK'? Yeah, sorry.
It'll pass in a minute.
Oh, I'm used to it.
it's just like the footy club after happy hour.
There was me saying that it was over with the first trimester.
Here you are.
They're clean.
Oh.
You want a hand? Thanks.
(SIGHS) Medium, dash of milk.
One sugar.
Oh, thanks, Jake.
I'm feeling better already.
Alright.
Want me to call Dave and get him home early? Oh, no.
I'm fine.
OK.
I'll warn him it's his turn to cook tonight.
Oh, don't worry.
He knows.
We have a roster.
What's going on? Oh, I threw up in the driveway.
Jake cleaned me up, brought me inside and made me a cuppa.
Yeahand now he's gotta rush.
See ya.
Oh! Thanks, love.
Bye.
No worries.
You OK'? That boy has a heart of gold.
And a body of steel.
Oh, now you're making me sick.
(LAUGHS) You go lie down.
I'll unpack this stuff.
No, no, no.
That's fine.
Tomorrow, amongst others, I've got a hippie mother-of-four and expectant lesbians coming over, so I'm baking.
That is a gorgeous dress.
Is it new'? Yes.
And don't ask how much.
(MOUTHS WORDS) But it's good, yeah? Uh, perfect.
(GIGGLES) Mate, what'd I tell ya'? Make up with Mel or move on.
It'll boost business too.
What, by giving away freebies? Oh, hello.
Earth to Benno.
Look, free drinks bring in the chicks.
The chicks will bring in the guys.
It'll go off like a bomb.
And then we'll be over there buying the ladies another round.
Ah, to get them in the mood.
Yes, and suddenly they'll be lowering their drawbridge to our masculine charms.
Mate, you've gotta get out of the flower shop, seriously.
Tell me you'll think about it.
Come on - increase sales and chicks by the busload! I'll think about it.
Hey! Look at this.
Jamie Oliver, eat your heart out.
So, I was thinking stir-fry tonight.
Sorry, Jake just called.
He's out of fluoros.
I've gotta run some over to him.
OK, I'm staying at Libby's so don't wait up for me.
Has anyone seen my keys? They're by the computer.
But you'll be an hour at least unless Rachel can take them? Take what? Well, she's heading that way.
Uh, some fluoros.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, Rachel, my beautiful, talented, favourite Hey! Daughter.
I was gonna say daughter.
Do I look like a courier'? It's on your way.
Ohhh, OK, but so long as there's no grease involved.
No grease, just some lovely clean boxes.
Oh, and you can take these for Jake to say thank you.
Oh, it just gets better.
JAKE: What you're wearing? What, you want me to guess'? (LAUGHS) Well, if it was up to me, you know, I'd be backing a miniskirt with a tight top.
Oooh, yes.
I'm liking the sound of that black lace.
Hey, uhhon, I gotta go.
The, um, plumber's just arrived.
And he's looking very cranky.
I don't think he's getting enough.
(LAUGHS) Alright, see ya.
Hey, it was just a bit of fun.
Yeah, great, I'm standing here getting filthy while you're yakking to some bimbo girlfriend.
Oh, that's not fair.
She may be a bimbo, but she's not my girlfriend.
Where do you want these? You baked for me? Mum did.
They're apple and cinnamon.
Laced with strychnine? They're for being nice to her.
Obviously you'll never get any from me.
Hey, by the way, you look really, um Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hang on.
You're not about to No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh! Great.
(SIGHS) Now look what you've done.
It's deadlocked from the outside and my tools are out there.
Well, just call someone.
Why do you think I was speaking on the phone out there? There's no reception in here.
(SCOFFS) Don't be ridiculous.
There's gotta be some reception Heyheythere's no reception! I told you! It's a dead spot.
Great.
The security guy.
The security guy! Quick.
They only hang around for five minutes.
Oi! Hello?! Security! TED: And Rachel suddenly felt she was trapped somewhere she didn't want to be.
I was feeling something similar myself.
You'll love the prawn risotto.
It's to die for.
SUSAN NAH: As long as we don't die of starvation.
Where is the waiter? Mmm.
So, the baby.
Do you know what sex it is? Or do you want to keep it a surprise? I was for the surprise but Susannah wanted to know.
No point having science if we don't use it.
He's a boy.
Ah.
Well, Dave's got some blue paint in the garage.
I could give you a hand with the nursery.
Oh, we won't be gender stereotyping.
And the linguini with clams - that's delicious too.
So you've bought into a pharmacy? Yeah, I had to sell my Gold Coast one to get a half-share here.
It's taken all my capital.
But when I get back to work, it'll be easier.
But that's six months away.
Child care's pretty exy, isn't it? Mmm.
It can be.
Not for everyone.
Depends.
TED: Oh, yeah.
That kind of child care.
Plus our car - it practically carked it on the drive down.
I could have a look at it if you like.
It might be something simple like spark plugs, fanbelt (LAUGHS) Ted, you don't have to be a man to know if it's the fanbelt.
Susannah, when we were young, most girls didn't have a clue.
When you were young, men didn't even want you to drive.
Well, not until booze buses came in.
Then it became very handy.
(LAUGHTER) Hon, he's joking.
I've had a look at the engine.
The seals are gone.
The head gasket's blown.
It's definitely not the fanbelt.
Why don't you use my car while yours is being fixed? I hardly use it.
Oh, that'd be great.
Only to get around.
Well, I can take the bus.
Oh, the bus, yeah.
That'd be great, Mum, if you're sure that's OK.
Be a fantastic help.
And why don't you two catch a movie after dinner I mean, while you still can.
Oh, why don't you both join us'? Sounds good to me.
Uh, no.
Have some quality time together.
Ted and I can have a night in.
Yeah.
TED: Yep, Rachel wasn't the only one to find herself unexpectedly confined to quarters.
RACHEL: Hello.
Can anybody hear us'? Oh, give me a break.
I actually meant lungs.
(SIGHS) Look, is anybody going to miss you? They all know I'm working.
You? Date? Boyfriend? (LAUGHS) No boyfriend.
So sad.
You're a'tough guy'.
Break down the door.
Why don't you? Do I look dressed for demolition? Why don't you just look at it? That ought to crack it.
Alright, alright.
I'll give it a go.
(GRUNTS) Oh, get on with it.
(BANG!) Ohhh! Ow.
It hurts! Baby.
Go on.
Try again.
No way! No! I've got a big game of footy on tomorrow.
If tomorrow ever comes.
(GROANS) There's gotta be something useful in here.
Oh, what, so we lipstick the door open? Aha! Or tweezer it to death? Looks like we're stuck in here.
If we're stuck, they need to be rationed.
The whole baby thing has been pretty scary.
Yeah, but the medicos these days are terrific.
The hardest part's behind you.
Well, I kinda meant more like what's ahead.
We're gonna be responsible for this tiny little person.
Yes, it can be scary but there's nothing more wonderful.
Yeah.
That was great.
Um, what's our share of the bill'? No worries.
My shout.
Oh, thank you, Ted.
Hmm, I hate to be a predictable lesbian stereotype.
But Angelina Jolie waits for no girl.
Come on.
Don't be late.
The end of the cricket's gonna be a cracker.
M mm.
Talking of stereotypes! No, I meant Forget it.
And, Mum, all the tax stuff- left it on the dining table.
Thanks.
Bye.
Tax stuff'? I said I'd do their accounts for them.
Won't take long.
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYS) Yeah! What'd I tell you, Benno'? Is this babe central or what? Mate, this is awesome.
You're a legend.
Hey, tell me something I don't know.
The last time I saw this many chicks was at my cousin's netball tournament.
G'day, I'm Ben.
First drink compliments of the house.
Yeah, I saw the sign.
I'll have a vodka and tonic, thanks, Ben.
And, er, don't forget to tell your girlfriends first drink's free till the end of the month.
Sounds good as long as they're all served by you.
Hey, I'll do my best but there's only so much of me to go round.
Hmm! I think she likes you, mate.
I think she likes the free drinks.
If she's not your catch of the day, there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Excuse me.
What does Carbo say? If you're moving on, you got a room full of options.
I said no, OK'? So just quit hassling.
Hey, hey.
Is there a problem over here? Just trying to tell these two guys here I don't need them to buy me a drink.
If you're shouting, I'll have one.
You heard the lady.
Come on.
Yeah, my mate here, the manager, will call the bouncer.
Thanks, boys.
Thanks, Ben.
I'm Elly.
Elly, this is my flatmate Carbo.
Carbo, Elly.
Pleased to meet you, Elly.
Er, guys, I gotta get back to work so I'll catch you later.
Elly, hey? Someone better call heaven because they're missing an angel.
Huh.
You're funny.
Hey, does, um, Ben have a girlfriend? Not at the moment.
No.
My flatmate Kirsty would really like you.
Yeah? I'll hook you up when she gets here.
She's cool and very wild.
Sounds good.
Gotcha! Just my luck.
Stuck with a noughts and crosses hustler.
Alright.
Come on, one more.
It keeps your mind off the other things.
Er, what other things? Is it just me or is it getting really stuffy in here? Oh, no, you don't get claustrophobic, do you? Me'? No.
No way.
Not anymore.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Do you think we've used up all the oxygen? No.
It's getting really stuffy in here.
Right.
Just relax and breathe slower.
Are you serious? I'm fine.
Yeah, no, I think if we breathe slow we might have enough oxygen to last, like, two, three years maybe.
You are so full of it.
You believed me for a second, but, didn't you? (LAUGHS) Alright, come on.
Your go.
Now, my brother, he really is claustrophobic.
How many of you in your family? It's just Mum and Alex.
He's a top bloke.
He's always trying to get a rise out of you.
Er, so not a family trait, then? No.
He's a handful, in his own way.
Is he older or younger'? Younger.
Two weeks after he was born, Dad shot through.
Last we saw of him.
So it's just the three of us at home.
Right.
You live at home too.
Yep.
You know, you two would get on.
He loves anyone who gives me a hard time.
Well, it doesn't sound like you seem to mind too much.
Well, can be a sign of affection.
Yeah! Awesome.
Four, two.
Very good.
You suck.
I suck officially.
New game.
Righto.
I'm bored.
Marjorie? Mmm? What's wrong with this picture? Hmm'? The girls are at the movies while you're doing their tax.
They've moved cities to start a new business.
They've got a baby on the way.
I thought they deserved a break.
Mmm, yeah.
Lovely house, cheap rent, with a washerwoman, cook and accountant thrown in.
She's my daughter, Ted.
I'm happy to help.
You're doing a bit more than 'help'.
Meaning what, exactly? Ah! Go on.
Say what's on your mind.
Well, I just feel you're being taken advantage of.
Susannah said you wouldn't accept the situation.
This is not about Susannah being gay.
So you're saying it'd make no difference if she was straight? What I'm saying is she doesn't appreciate you.
And she treats me like I'm a chauvinist pig.
Well, she can be a bit short.
A bit?! Well, look, shejust needs time to get to know you, you know, to know she can trust you.
You trust me.
Isn't that good enough'? (SIGHS) Look, you don't know how hard it's been for her.
Her father wouldn't accept her sexuality and I was stuck in the middle.
I wasn't as supportive as I should've been.
So that's what it's all about.
What? You feeling guilty.
No.
There's a difference between helping and expecting you to be here on tap.
Now, I thought you were gonna move out, give them their space.
Yeah, well, I can't afford that now.
So you really will be on tap? I let her down and we're trying to rebuild things.
Please don't trample over that, Ted.
I'm not! She's the one doing the trampling.
No, she's standing up for herself.
She insists you drink white wine, insists on knowing the sex of the baby, she swoops on your offer of a car like a gull on a hot chip and I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall when your son 'volunteered' to be the father.
She's a bully and you know it.
TED: I'd said too much.
Perhaps it's best if you go home.
Yeah.
Perhaps.
TED: Suddenly Cupid's little arrows were way off target.
I know it's early days, but we're gonna need a baby's room sooner or later.
Can't sleep in with us forever.
Sleep with a new bub? Now, there's a novel concept.
(LAUGHS) I'm sure Sammy and Nathan won't mind sharing.
Well, they may be in Dad's room if things keep going well with Marjorie.
You mean, if Marjorie gets her way.
All I'm saying is that Dad could be moving out soon and this room's right across the way from us.
It'd be perfect for late-night feeds.
Eugh! Breastfeeding! Oh, come on, you loved it, remember? Mmm.
That was before the mastitis.
(GRUNTS) And teeth.
(INHALES SHARPLY) It's a shame we gave the old cot to Sally Treloar.
That old thing? Yeah, âthat old thing"! All the other kids slept in it.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oi.
Forgot something? Oh, yeah.
How frustrating women are.
Aw! Dad, you haven't been making waves, have you? You've gotta learn to be a bit more accepting.
Do you really think she's the first lesbian I've ever met? I mean, Robyn, the office manager at work, was a really good friend.
She was the first to call after your mother died.
And I get on fine with Abby.
She's a sweetheart.
And Susannah'? She hardly knows me and I'm tried and convicted.
Oh, Dad, she's probably just trying to adjust to a new man in her mum's life, that's all.
Do you really think Susannah is the type to adjust'? You offer an olive branch and she pokes you in the eye with it.
You point it out to her mother she shoots the messenger.
Marjorie will calm down.
Who says I want her to? How do you feel about building into the attic? My favourite X-Man would have to be Wolverine.
Mm-mm.
He doesn't count 'cause he's not an original.
He's not? Nah.
I've got this whole bunch of my dad's X-Men comics from the '70s.
No Wolverine.
You know some really cool stuff.
Yeah.
12 months in my joint, he still can't work the dishwasher.
Anyway, I'm out.
I'm sorry, Carbo.
I don't know what happened to Kirsty.
Next time, huh? Yeah.
OK.
See you, mate.
So, Ben, what are you up to now'? Er, that depends.
What are you doing? I dunno.
Kinda at a loose end.
What about those X-Men comics? Problemo.
They're back at my place.
Problemo.
My flatmate has the car.
Er, problemo solved.
You can come with me.
SONG: I' If! told you a secret I' TED: Cupid has a lot to answer for.
Would you understand? Could you promise that you'd keep it? Keep it in your hand? I don't know So are you ever gonna move out of home? Not any time soon.
I already tried it once.
Didn't really work out.
Alright, come on.
Last letter.
(LAUGHS) 'Big blue ewes'.
Hmm.
Let me guess.
You're a Kiwi with strange taste in sheep.
How did you know'? 'Eyes'.
Bigblue eyes.
Yeah, I'm not really so good with words.
Me either.
More of an action kinda guy.
(SIGHS) This is so freaky.
I don't think I can handle any more of this.
The roof! What? You are a typical man.
You never think laterally.
We might be able to get out through the roof.
And Oh! (LAUGHS) Great.
I spent a fortune on this dress.
Oh! Can this night get any worse?! Oh, um, alright, get it off.
You're soaked.
You can't stay in that.
Here, have this.
(LAUGHS) You are enjoying this! No.
Oh, please, if I wanted a chick to get her gear off I would've picked one who vaguely liked me.
MAN: 1243 to base.
I'm at the Battersea Block.
It's all quiet here, mate.
I'll be back in 1O so put the coffee on.
(WHISPERS) Hey, what about all the oxygen we'll be using up? (WHISPERS) Oh, yeah.
Breathe in.
(BOTH PANT AND MOAN) Er, look, the comics are in here somewhere.
Maybe we should read them in my room.
Well, I do like to stretch out while I read.
Hey.
Hey, are you OK'? Yes, Iceman, I have you in my psychic vice.
How much have you had to drink? Just what you gave me.
Are you sure? Whoa! Three vodkas over four short hours shouldn't make you Mmm! OK, OK, OK.
We should really go upstairs because Carbo's home Shhh! The exhibits, if you please.
OK.
They should be in here somewhere.
This is very comfortable.
Aha! Never say I don't deliver.
Huh? Elly? Oi.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey! Wake up! Elly? Elly, wake up! Hey! Carbo! Carbo! Carbo! Elly'? What? Diabetes.
There's an article here on diabetes.
Sometimes they can go into a coma and not come out.
Oh, don't even go there, OK'? It could be worse.
Melissa could have been on duty.
For a minute last night, I thought she was dead.
I tell you, mate, I am never taking a girl home again.
I'm moving to a monastery.
I think I might come, mate.
Oh, no.
Shift change.
We just saw Elly, the girl you brought in.
How's she doing? She's awake and feeling much better.
That's awesome.
But do you mind telling us exactly what happened? Er, well, I work in a club.
Where we met.
Yeah.
Anyway, this girl was there and her flatmate didn't show up and so she came back to our place and then kind of flaked out on the couch.
She said you were giving her free drinks.
Just the first one.
It's a new club promotion.
Then maybe she had three more vodkas after that.
Yeah, at closing time she was all over Ben like a rash.
Umwhen we got home, she just suddenly started acting off her face.
Next thing you know, she was just lying there on the couch.
Well, I doubt it's alcohol poisoning but it could be drugs.
Did you give her any'? No! See her take any'? C-can I see her? I'm afraid I can't allow that.
Elly has accused you of spiking her drink.
W-what? No way.
You've got to be kidding.
Melissa, can you tell him, please? I know Ben.
He wouldn't so something like that.
Look, I'm not accusing you.
But that's what she says.
We'll do a tox screen.
If she tests positive, then I'm guessing the police will be in touch.
(MAN SPEAKS DISTANTLY) Oh, it's Dad! (GASPS) Quick, do something! He can't see us like this.
(PANTS) Not much chance of that, though, eh? The door's stuck.
Dad? Is that you? Rachel, what are you doing in there? Are you OK'? Dad! Help us! We've been trapped in here all night! What's wrong with the door? It's stuck.
We can't get out, mate.
OK, hang on.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Oh, Dad! Dad! Oh, thank God you're here.
We've been trapped here all night.
Yeah, lucky I turned up.
Hey, are you OK'? What happened? Yeah.
Paint all over my Oh, it's such a long story.
Alright, then, just grab your stuff.
Thanks for looking after her, mate.
I'll see you downstairs.
Better get that fixed.
(WHISPERS) OK.
Last night didn't happen.
OK'? We just played noughts and crosses all night.
OK.
If you ever want to play noughts and crosses again, I'm up for it.
So you stayed in that all night? There were some drop sheets.
And we had your muffins.
Oh, well.
Thank goodness for the muffins.
So did, umJake have to strip off too? Hmm.
He gave me his shirt, yes.
Oh, so the night wasn't a complete waste, then.
Hmm.
Oh, poor Jake.
Dave said he's offered to stay on and finish the job.
Aww.
What, and miss his rugby game? Oh, so you did talk, then? Well, you must have.
All that time alone together.
Yes, wemight have conversed a little bit.
And? And Grandad? What are you and Marjorie up to this afternoon? Nothing.
Might have a day off.
Oh, alright.
I'm off to the drycleaners to see if I can salvage 400 bucks.
Bye.
UmDad just so you know, Abby and Susannah will be over later with the Nine Mooners.
Oh, yeah'? So I thought maybe you might want to go to Marjorie's.
Mm-hm.
Or maybe the Boat Club.
Come on, Dad.
It won't get any better if you two don't talk.
It might make it worse.
Apparently it's not the done thing to criticise a friend's child.
But I just couldn't sit there and say nothing.
It's not in my nature.
(SIGHS) I better scoot off.
Leave you to get ready for the Moon landing.
(LAUGHS) No, of course I didn't do it.
Er, no, they haven't called yet.
I'm still waiting.
Yeah, I understand.
I'll give you a call.
That was Derek.
I've been stood down, pending.
Sounds bad, mate.
Hey, do you know what? You should speak to my cousin.
He's a lawyer.
Well, was a lawyer.
Till he got caught out at Hamilton Island using his mate's credit card.
Who were those guys hassling Elly? Yeah - the guy in the green shirt and his mate.
Maybe they spiked her drink and were waiting for her to leave? But then you brought her here.
Reckon she might know who they are? She might.
Back in a bit.
(HANGS UP PHONE) Hey.
What are you doing here? Hey, it's OK.
I just want to ask you something.
My father is on his way.
It wasn't me who spiked your drink.
He's a judge.
He wants the police involved.
Go now! I think I might know who did this.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) Those guys giving you a hard time.
Did they mention their names or'? No.
No idea.
And that was early - ages before.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) Or maybe they hung around? Maybe one of them dropped something in your drink when you didn't notice? Ben, you can't be here.
You have to leave now.
You can't think that this was me.
You were the one coming onto me! Ben! This second! I did not do this! Hey, you believe me, don't you? Yeah.
I don't count.
You do to me.
They know what it is? Yeah, it's a date-rape drug.
GHB.
Fantasy.
Great.
That's just what I need.
Oh, God, look.
This could be her father.
You can't stay here.
What am I supposed to do? Go home and twiddle my thumbs'? No, you need to tell the cops about those guys.
Maybe they're on video? Does the club have security cameras? Yeah, we do.
Thank you.
(WHISPERS) Go.
It's so good of you to have us over, Julie.
Sorry to be so early.
No, no, that's fine.
Oh, I love this house.
It is so you.
So serene.
You haven't been here at mealtimes.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Door's open! I'm serious, I can feel it.
It's like a chilled-out female energy.
Just.
.
.
mellow, you know'? Oh.
Hi! Hi, Julie.
Oh, you're early too.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Didn't realise how close you lived.
Mum says to say hello, by the way.
Oh.
Hey, Jules.
I'm off.
Oh, excuse me, ladies.
I wasn't expecting you so soon.
Abby.
Hi, Ted.
Susannah.
Ted.
Actually, seeing as you're here, could I have a word? Of course.
In private? Hmm.
Abby, why don't you just let it go? You know'? So, cup of tea? That'd be great.
So what do you want to get off your chest'? You've really upset Mum.
Not my intention.
But somehow the outcome.
You're not right for her.
How would you know that'? Because I know her.
She's my mother.
You've been in her life five minutes.
And you've been back in her life five minutes.
So how are you feeling? I've seen you call your mother once in all the time I've known her.
(SCOFFS) And now you're back home! At her suggestion.
At your beck and call! This is not about me.
This is all about you.
And for your mother's sake, I've tried to be friends.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry you've found it so hard hanging out with the freaks.
Look, I don't care whether you're gay, have green hair or webbed feet.
I just don't like you taking advantage of your mother! We offered I'm really sorry about this.
No, no, I'm sorry, Dad's just Yeah, and you choose to let her.
She's not a doormat.
No, she's not.
She's happy to do it.
And you're happy to sit back and let her do all the running.
Well, it's not right.
She deserves a life too! I think it's your life you're worried about.
I've had my say.
I don't have to stand here and listen to this rubbish! Mum! Mum! I took this girl home last night and now she reckons I slipped her a date-rape drug! Hi.
Well, did you tell the police about the videotapes? Yeah, but I don't know if they'll even watch them.
Elly's father's a judge.
He's been onto them saying I drugged her.
They grilled me for half an hour! Yeah, OK.
Did they say they're gonna charge you? They just said to be available for further interviews.
Alright, well, calm down.
Look, you'll be fine.
We know you're innocent.
TED: Trouble is, lots of innocent men have had to face a firing squad.
Did the toxicology report come through on the girl in the car crash? Yeah, somewhere here.
Look, I admire your loyalty, sticking up for your ex-boyfriend like that.
(LAUGHS) That's got nothing to do with it.
Well, you were kind of quick to jump to his defence, even before you'd heard the facts.
Problem? Maybe for someone.
Feeling better? Yeah, heaps.
That was a pretty stupid thing to do.
Yeah, I know, but he seemed like such a nice guy.
Do you want one? Er, no, thanks.
I wasn't talking about Ben.
But, yeah, he is a really nice guy.
And you were ready to ruin his life.
Huh? You told everyone he spiked your drink to hide the truth.
You took the fantasy yourself, didn't you? You're the one on drugs.
You live at 17 Trafalgar Street? Yeah? So does another girl who was admitted last night - Kirsty Matthews? Kirsty.
Is she OK'? She was in a car accident.
It can happen when you're driving off your face on drugs.
Well, is she badly hurt'? She'll be alright.
But she did admit that she took fantasy.
And, wow, she just happens to share a house with you.
So will you tell your father or shall I'? He's here.
Elly took the fantasy herself? Her friend Kirsty supplied it.
Oh, she said she was wild.
Yeah, so when she OD'd, she was afraid her father would find out.
I could have been charged! Yeah, she was scared.
She panicked.
We all do dumb things.
(SIGHS) I mean, for what it's worth, she said to tell you she's sorry.
I don't know what to say, exceptthanks.
You're welcome.
I guess you've got to get back to work.
Actually, I've finished for the day but Luke's waiting outside in the car.
Well, at least he believes you now.
About me, I guess.
Um, yeah.
(SIGHS) Thanks again.
Yeah.
Umsee you round.
You too, Carbo.
See you, Mel.
See'? Trust in Uncle Carbo and Uncle Carbo will deliver.
What? Melissa.
She came round, didn't she? To tell me I wasn't going to jail for the term of my natural life.
So'? Look on the positive side.
Her boyfriend's in the car.
Oh, details, details, mate.
At least I got her in the door.
You? Believe me, Benno.
It's not over till it's over.
I tracked down Sally Treloar.
She'd given it to her neighbour and it was still in their shed.
Oh, darling.
Remember Rachel in it? So tiny.
(DOORBELL RINGS) And so noisy.
(LAUGHS) It goes so quick, doesn't it, love'? Yeah.
DAVE: (DISTANT) Hi, Marjorie.
MARJORIE: Hi, Dave.
Come on in.
(SHUTS DOOR) Hi, Marjorie.
Hi, Julie.
Well, we might just go look at some colour charts for the baby's room.
What room'? Get you a tea or coffee? No, thanks.
I got your message.
Mmm.
This business with Susannah and the baby, I Yeah, I understand.
It was fine while we were on our own little island.
The rest of the world has a way of finding you.
Mmm.
I would never, ever want to hurt you, Marjorie.
I know that.
But I was thinking, er that perhaps we should give each other a little space.
Space? Mmm.
It's probably a good thing.
For whatever reason Susannah and I clash at the moment, I think you need her and the baby in your life a lot more than you need me.
But I will miss you.
I'll miss you too.
TED: I don't know if it was Cupid's fault or mine.
Or just bloody bad luck.
Take care.
That's the thing about romance.
You never know how it's gonna play out.
SONG: Falling in love again Falling in love again Falling in love again Oh! Who believes in signs, anyway?
I wasn't expecting to find love but I might have found it and a future with Marjorie.
I' Little arrows in your clothing Little arrows in your hair I' And today! was meeting the family.
No hassles, just lunch with her pregnant daughter, who could talk baby business with my pregnant daughter.
Everything was going my way.
Not even close.
Oh, the pain Ah, the vision splendid It doesn't matter how many years you've been on this earth, when you're in love, you're only ever 19.
You're looking pretty damn good.
I feel pretty damn good.
For you.
Oh, gorgeous.
And your favourite bottle of red.
Hi, Marjorie.
Hi, Julie.
Hi.
Dave sends his apologies.
He had a big job on, so he's sorry.
Oh, you didn't have to.
Oh, it's just some carrot and dip.
I'm really looking forward to meeting Susannah and her partner.
Yeah, I must admit, you've never told me his name.
Hello, everybody.
You must be Ted.
Oh, hello.
Susannah, I take it.
I can see you've inherited your mother's good looks.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) You've gotta watch the smooth ones, Mum.
Susannah! Hi! Oh, my daughter Julie.
(BOTH LAUGH) Yeah, we've already met.
Hi! Nine Moons.
Oh, my God.
Nine Moons'? Oh, it's our mothers wellness group.
Oh, well, it didn't take you long to get onto that.
Oh, Mum organised it for us.
It's obviously working for you.
I thought you were a little bit further along.
I'm sorry? Well, I thought you were due next month and you're not even showing.
Hasn't Mum told you? I was just about to.
Oh, Susannah, I'm sorry.
We went through a similar thing after Julie was born, so I understand.
Look, you can always try again.
Ted, I'm not the pregnant one.
My partner is.
Abby.
Abby? TED: Partner? Pregnant?! Sorry! I can't last five minutes before I need the loo.
(LAUGHS) I understand the problem.
Nice recovery, Ted.
Abby, I'm Ted.
Hi, Ted.
How are you? I've heard a lot about you.
And you know Julie.
Hi.
(GASPS) No way! You're that Julie! Hi! Small world.
It certainly is.
I might just open this.
I think I might go and help you.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, I didn't want you to prejudge their relationship.
I thought if you had a chance to meet them casually, you know, and see how much they care for each other Well, it's a bit of a shock.
I'd be lying if I said otherwise.
But she's your daughter.
You love her.
I mean, we can't help how our kids turn out.
I think Susannah 'turned out' quite well.
(SIGHS) What I meant was we can't make our kids turn out the same as us.
Thanks.
It means a lot to me, you being here with us.
It's what I've wanted.
To be a family.
I hope that's not for Susannah.
Well, not just for Susannah.
White wine only.
Too many histamines in red.
I never really had a problem with the others but with this one it's been chronic.
I'm just glad I'm past my first trimester.
I had terrible morning sickness with Susannah.
But it was worth it, right? Well, if you're asking if I'd do it again (ALL LAUGH) I see.
I see where I stand.
Oh, for me it's my bladder and my back.
But thank God for Susannah's healing hands.
Oh, you give good massage? Oh, excuse me, the best! Oh, sorry, Ted.
You're having white as well, aren't you, Mum? Yes, please.
But you're a red girl.
No, it's fine.
You know, I don't know how they've managed packing up on the Gold Coast and a long drive down and setting up a new business.
Me not much help waddling around like an over-inflated walrus.
Oh! Well, it's never an easy time for anyone.
(LAUGHS) Isn't that always the line? âYou women think you've got it tough.
" (LAUGHS) So how did you guys manage the process? Oh, we never even went there with the sperm bank thing.
Too impersonal.
Yeah.
We want our child to know its father.
A close friend? Even closer.
Yeah.
It's a perfect genetic match.
My brother.
(SIGHS) OK, Libby, I will get there if I can.
Alright, well, look, I'll have a shower and I'll see how I feel afterwards.
Ciao, ciao.
Ciao, ciao? It's Italian for 'goodbye'.
Oh.
I thought it was Australian for 'dog food'.
(LAUGHS) (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, the wit.
What are you doing here anyway'? Ajob.
A big office fit-out.
Probably gonna be working around the clock, which means I can't stay and chat.
Oh, how will I survive? Oh, I don't suppose you could rustle up some sambos for me? Oh, I'd love to.
Now, where did I put that strychnine? Are you alright, Dad? I'm fine.
Well, you don't seem fine.
Gay kids.
I guess it's like the measles.
Someone's gotta get 'em, you're just grateful it's not you.
Oh, Dad! No, that part of it doesn't bother me, honestly.
But when you add in the kid Oh, come on.
I mean, how is it gonna feel about having two mums? And then his dad's his uncle'? Well, isn't the most important thing that Susannah and Abby will love the child totally and unconditionally'? Yeah, to them, but the kid doesn't get a say.
Well, I didn't get a say either.
Yeah, but your father didn't dance in Mardi Gras.
Prance around the house in a dress.
Well Well, not till much later.
Perhaps if I let Susannah in on me in your mum's dresses, she wouldn't glare at me like that.
Oh, she didn't glare at you, Dad.
You're her mum's new boyfriend.
She's being protective.
You just need to get used to each other, that's all.
OK, I'll take them out to dinner at the Italian and we'll bond over Marjorie's favourite, prawn and blue cheese risotto.
(GAGS) You OK'? Yeah, sorry.
It'll pass in a minute.
Oh, I'm used to it.
it's just like the footy club after happy hour.
There was me saying that it was over with the first trimester.
Here you are.
They're clean.
Oh.
You want a hand? Thanks.
(SIGHS) Medium, dash of milk.
One sugar.
Oh, thanks, Jake.
I'm feeling better already.
Alright.
Want me to call Dave and get him home early? Oh, no.
I'm fine.
OK.
I'll warn him it's his turn to cook tonight.
Oh, don't worry.
He knows.
We have a roster.
What's going on? Oh, I threw up in the driveway.
Jake cleaned me up, brought me inside and made me a cuppa.
Yeahand now he's gotta rush.
See ya.
Oh! Thanks, love.
Bye.
No worries.
You OK'? That boy has a heart of gold.
And a body of steel.
Oh, now you're making me sick.
(LAUGHS) You go lie down.
I'll unpack this stuff.
No, no, no.
That's fine.
Tomorrow, amongst others, I've got a hippie mother-of-four and expectant lesbians coming over, so I'm baking.
That is a gorgeous dress.
Is it new'? Yes.
And don't ask how much.
(MOUTHS WORDS) But it's good, yeah? Uh, perfect.
(GIGGLES) Mate, what'd I tell ya'? Make up with Mel or move on.
It'll boost business too.
What, by giving away freebies? Oh, hello.
Earth to Benno.
Look, free drinks bring in the chicks.
The chicks will bring in the guys.
It'll go off like a bomb.
And then we'll be over there buying the ladies another round.
Ah, to get them in the mood.
Yes, and suddenly they'll be lowering their drawbridge to our masculine charms.
Mate, you've gotta get out of the flower shop, seriously.
Tell me you'll think about it.
Come on - increase sales and chicks by the busload! I'll think about it.
Hey! Look at this.
Jamie Oliver, eat your heart out.
So, I was thinking stir-fry tonight.
Sorry, Jake just called.
He's out of fluoros.
I've gotta run some over to him.
OK, I'm staying at Libby's so don't wait up for me.
Has anyone seen my keys? They're by the computer.
But you'll be an hour at least unless Rachel can take them? Take what? Well, she's heading that way.
Uh, some fluoros.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, Rachel, my beautiful, talented, favourite Hey! Daughter.
I was gonna say daughter.
Do I look like a courier'? It's on your way.
Ohhh, OK, but so long as there's no grease involved.
No grease, just some lovely clean boxes.
Oh, and you can take these for Jake to say thank you.
Oh, it just gets better.
JAKE: What you're wearing? What, you want me to guess'? (LAUGHS) Well, if it was up to me, you know, I'd be backing a miniskirt with a tight top.
Oooh, yes.
I'm liking the sound of that black lace.
Hey, uhhon, I gotta go.
The, um, plumber's just arrived.
And he's looking very cranky.
I don't think he's getting enough.
(LAUGHS) Alright, see ya.
Hey, it was just a bit of fun.
Yeah, great, I'm standing here getting filthy while you're yakking to some bimbo girlfriend.
Oh, that's not fair.
She may be a bimbo, but she's not my girlfriend.
Where do you want these? You baked for me? Mum did.
They're apple and cinnamon.
Laced with strychnine? They're for being nice to her.
Obviously you'll never get any from me.
Hey, by the way, you look really, um Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hang on.
You're not about to No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh! Great.
(SIGHS) Now look what you've done.
It's deadlocked from the outside and my tools are out there.
Well, just call someone.
Why do you think I was speaking on the phone out there? There's no reception in here.
(SCOFFS) Don't be ridiculous.
There's gotta be some reception Heyheythere's no reception! I told you! It's a dead spot.
Great.
The security guy.
The security guy! Quick.
They only hang around for five minutes.
Oi! Hello?! Security! TED: And Rachel suddenly felt she was trapped somewhere she didn't want to be.
I was feeling something similar myself.
You'll love the prawn risotto.
It's to die for.
SUSAN NAH: As long as we don't die of starvation.
Where is the waiter? Mmm.
So, the baby.
Do you know what sex it is? Or do you want to keep it a surprise? I was for the surprise but Susannah wanted to know.
No point having science if we don't use it.
He's a boy.
Ah.
Well, Dave's got some blue paint in the garage.
I could give you a hand with the nursery.
Oh, we won't be gender stereotyping.
And the linguini with clams - that's delicious too.
So you've bought into a pharmacy? Yeah, I had to sell my Gold Coast one to get a half-share here.
It's taken all my capital.
But when I get back to work, it'll be easier.
But that's six months away.
Child care's pretty exy, isn't it? Mmm.
It can be.
Not for everyone.
Depends.
TED: Oh, yeah.
That kind of child care.
Plus our car - it practically carked it on the drive down.
I could have a look at it if you like.
It might be something simple like spark plugs, fanbelt (LAUGHS) Ted, you don't have to be a man to know if it's the fanbelt.
Susannah, when we were young, most girls didn't have a clue.
When you were young, men didn't even want you to drive.
Well, not until booze buses came in.
Then it became very handy.
(LAUGHTER) Hon, he's joking.
I've had a look at the engine.
The seals are gone.
The head gasket's blown.
It's definitely not the fanbelt.
Why don't you use my car while yours is being fixed? I hardly use it.
Oh, that'd be great.
Only to get around.
Well, I can take the bus.
Oh, the bus, yeah.
That'd be great, Mum, if you're sure that's OK.
Be a fantastic help.
And why don't you two catch a movie after dinner I mean, while you still can.
Oh, why don't you both join us'? Sounds good to me.
Uh, no.
Have some quality time together.
Ted and I can have a night in.
Yeah.
TED: Yep, Rachel wasn't the only one to find herself unexpectedly confined to quarters.
RACHEL: Hello.
Can anybody hear us'? Oh, give me a break.
I actually meant lungs.
(SIGHS) Look, is anybody going to miss you? They all know I'm working.
You? Date? Boyfriend? (LAUGHS) No boyfriend.
So sad.
You're a'tough guy'.
Break down the door.
Why don't you? Do I look dressed for demolition? Why don't you just look at it? That ought to crack it.
Alright, alright.
I'll give it a go.
(GRUNTS) Oh, get on with it.
(BANG!) Ohhh! Ow.
It hurts! Baby.
Go on.
Try again.
No way! No! I've got a big game of footy on tomorrow.
If tomorrow ever comes.
(GROANS) There's gotta be something useful in here.
Oh, what, so we lipstick the door open? Aha! Or tweezer it to death? Looks like we're stuck in here.
If we're stuck, they need to be rationed.
The whole baby thing has been pretty scary.
Yeah, but the medicos these days are terrific.
The hardest part's behind you.
Well, I kinda meant more like what's ahead.
We're gonna be responsible for this tiny little person.
Yes, it can be scary but there's nothing more wonderful.
Yeah.
That was great.
Um, what's our share of the bill'? No worries.
My shout.
Oh, thank you, Ted.
Hmm, I hate to be a predictable lesbian stereotype.
But Angelina Jolie waits for no girl.
Come on.
Don't be late.
The end of the cricket's gonna be a cracker.
M mm.
Talking of stereotypes! No, I meant Forget it.
And, Mum, all the tax stuff- left it on the dining table.
Thanks.
Bye.
Tax stuff'? I said I'd do their accounts for them.
Won't take long.
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYS) Yeah! What'd I tell you, Benno'? Is this babe central or what? Mate, this is awesome.
You're a legend.
Hey, tell me something I don't know.
The last time I saw this many chicks was at my cousin's netball tournament.
G'day, I'm Ben.
First drink compliments of the house.
Yeah, I saw the sign.
I'll have a vodka and tonic, thanks, Ben.
And, er, don't forget to tell your girlfriends first drink's free till the end of the month.
Sounds good as long as they're all served by you.
Hey, I'll do my best but there's only so much of me to go round.
Hmm! I think she likes you, mate.
I think she likes the free drinks.
If she's not your catch of the day, there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Excuse me.
What does Carbo say? If you're moving on, you got a room full of options.
I said no, OK'? So just quit hassling.
Hey, hey.
Is there a problem over here? Just trying to tell these two guys here I don't need them to buy me a drink.
If you're shouting, I'll have one.
You heard the lady.
Come on.
Yeah, my mate here, the manager, will call the bouncer.
Thanks, boys.
Thanks, Ben.
I'm Elly.
Elly, this is my flatmate Carbo.
Carbo, Elly.
Pleased to meet you, Elly.
Er, guys, I gotta get back to work so I'll catch you later.
Elly, hey? Someone better call heaven because they're missing an angel.
Huh.
You're funny.
Hey, does, um, Ben have a girlfriend? Not at the moment.
No.
My flatmate Kirsty would really like you.
Yeah? I'll hook you up when she gets here.
She's cool and very wild.
Sounds good.
Gotcha! Just my luck.
Stuck with a noughts and crosses hustler.
Alright.
Come on, one more.
It keeps your mind off the other things.
Er, what other things? Is it just me or is it getting really stuffy in here? Oh, no, you don't get claustrophobic, do you? Me'? No.
No way.
Not anymore.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Do you think we've used up all the oxygen? No.
It's getting really stuffy in here.
Right.
Just relax and breathe slower.
Are you serious? I'm fine.
Yeah, no, I think if we breathe slow we might have enough oxygen to last, like, two, three years maybe.
You are so full of it.
You believed me for a second, but, didn't you? (LAUGHS) Alright, come on.
Your go.
Now, my brother, he really is claustrophobic.
How many of you in your family? It's just Mum and Alex.
He's a top bloke.
He's always trying to get a rise out of you.
Er, so not a family trait, then? No.
He's a handful, in his own way.
Is he older or younger'? Younger.
Two weeks after he was born, Dad shot through.
Last we saw of him.
So it's just the three of us at home.
Right.
You live at home too.
Yep.
You know, you two would get on.
He loves anyone who gives me a hard time.
Well, it doesn't sound like you seem to mind too much.
Well, can be a sign of affection.
Yeah! Awesome.
Four, two.
Very good.
You suck.
I suck officially.
New game.
Righto.
I'm bored.
Marjorie? Mmm? What's wrong with this picture? Hmm'? The girls are at the movies while you're doing their tax.
They've moved cities to start a new business.
They've got a baby on the way.
I thought they deserved a break.
Mmm, yeah.
Lovely house, cheap rent, with a washerwoman, cook and accountant thrown in.
She's my daughter, Ted.
I'm happy to help.
You're doing a bit more than 'help'.
Meaning what, exactly? Ah! Go on.
Say what's on your mind.
Well, I just feel you're being taken advantage of.
Susannah said you wouldn't accept the situation.
This is not about Susannah being gay.
So you're saying it'd make no difference if she was straight? What I'm saying is she doesn't appreciate you.
And she treats me like I'm a chauvinist pig.
Well, she can be a bit short.
A bit?! Well, look, shejust needs time to get to know you, you know, to know she can trust you.
You trust me.
Isn't that good enough'? (SIGHS) Look, you don't know how hard it's been for her.
Her father wouldn't accept her sexuality and I was stuck in the middle.
I wasn't as supportive as I should've been.
So that's what it's all about.
What? You feeling guilty.
No.
There's a difference between helping and expecting you to be here on tap.
Now, I thought you were gonna move out, give them their space.
Yeah, well, I can't afford that now.
So you really will be on tap? I let her down and we're trying to rebuild things.
Please don't trample over that, Ted.
I'm not! She's the one doing the trampling.
No, she's standing up for herself.
She insists you drink white wine, insists on knowing the sex of the baby, she swoops on your offer of a car like a gull on a hot chip and I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall when your son 'volunteered' to be the father.
She's a bully and you know it.
TED: I'd said too much.
Perhaps it's best if you go home.
Yeah.
Perhaps.
TED: Suddenly Cupid's little arrows were way off target.
I know it's early days, but we're gonna need a baby's room sooner or later.
Can't sleep in with us forever.
Sleep with a new bub? Now, there's a novel concept.
(LAUGHS) I'm sure Sammy and Nathan won't mind sharing.
Well, they may be in Dad's room if things keep going well with Marjorie.
You mean, if Marjorie gets her way.
All I'm saying is that Dad could be moving out soon and this room's right across the way from us.
It'd be perfect for late-night feeds.
Eugh! Breastfeeding! Oh, come on, you loved it, remember? Mmm.
That was before the mastitis.
(GRUNTS) And teeth.
(INHALES SHARPLY) It's a shame we gave the old cot to Sally Treloar.
That old thing? Yeah, âthat old thing"! All the other kids slept in it.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oi.
Forgot something? Oh, yeah.
How frustrating women are.
Aw! Dad, you haven't been making waves, have you? You've gotta learn to be a bit more accepting.
Do you really think she's the first lesbian I've ever met? I mean, Robyn, the office manager at work, was a really good friend.
She was the first to call after your mother died.
And I get on fine with Abby.
She's a sweetheart.
And Susannah'? She hardly knows me and I'm tried and convicted.
Oh, Dad, she's probably just trying to adjust to a new man in her mum's life, that's all.
Do you really think Susannah is the type to adjust'? You offer an olive branch and she pokes you in the eye with it.
You point it out to her mother she shoots the messenger.
Marjorie will calm down.
Who says I want her to? How do you feel about building into the attic? My favourite X-Man would have to be Wolverine.
Mm-mm.
He doesn't count 'cause he's not an original.
He's not? Nah.
I've got this whole bunch of my dad's X-Men comics from the '70s.
No Wolverine.
You know some really cool stuff.
Yeah.
12 months in my joint, he still can't work the dishwasher.
Anyway, I'm out.
I'm sorry, Carbo.
I don't know what happened to Kirsty.
Next time, huh? Yeah.
OK.
See you, mate.
So, Ben, what are you up to now'? Er, that depends.
What are you doing? I dunno.
Kinda at a loose end.
What about those X-Men comics? Problemo.
They're back at my place.
Problemo.
My flatmate has the car.
Er, problemo solved.
You can come with me.
SONG: I' If! told you a secret I' TED: Cupid has a lot to answer for.
Would you understand? Could you promise that you'd keep it? Keep it in your hand? I don't know So are you ever gonna move out of home? Not any time soon.
I already tried it once.
Didn't really work out.
Alright, come on.
Last letter.
(LAUGHS) 'Big blue ewes'.
Hmm.
Let me guess.
You're a Kiwi with strange taste in sheep.
How did you know'? 'Eyes'.
Bigblue eyes.
Yeah, I'm not really so good with words.
Me either.
More of an action kinda guy.
(SIGHS) This is so freaky.
I don't think I can handle any more of this.
The roof! What? You are a typical man.
You never think laterally.
We might be able to get out through the roof.
And Oh! (LAUGHS) Great.
I spent a fortune on this dress.
Oh! Can this night get any worse?! Oh, um, alright, get it off.
You're soaked.
You can't stay in that.
Here, have this.
(LAUGHS) You are enjoying this! No.
Oh, please, if I wanted a chick to get her gear off I would've picked one who vaguely liked me.
MAN: 1243 to base.
I'm at the Battersea Block.
It's all quiet here, mate.
I'll be back in 1O so put the coffee on.
(WHISPERS) Hey, what about all the oxygen we'll be using up? (WHISPERS) Oh, yeah.
Breathe in.
(BOTH PANT AND MOAN) Er, look, the comics are in here somewhere.
Maybe we should read them in my room.
Well, I do like to stretch out while I read.
Hey.
Hey, are you OK'? Yes, Iceman, I have you in my psychic vice.
How much have you had to drink? Just what you gave me.
Are you sure? Whoa! Three vodkas over four short hours shouldn't make you Mmm! OK, OK, OK.
We should really go upstairs because Carbo's home Shhh! The exhibits, if you please.
OK.
They should be in here somewhere.
This is very comfortable.
Aha! Never say I don't deliver.
Huh? Elly? Oi.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey! Wake up! Elly? Elly, wake up! Hey! Carbo! Carbo! Carbo! Elly'? What? Diabetes.
There's an article here on diabetes.
Sometimes they can go into a coma and not come out.
Oh, don't even go there, OK'? It could be worse.
Melissa could have been on duty.
For a minute last night, I thought she was dead.
I tell you, mate, I am never taking a girl home again.
I'm moving to a monastery.
I think I might come, mate.
Oh, no.
Shift change.
We just saw Elly, the girl you brought in.
How's she doing? She's awake and feeling much better.
That's awesome.
But do you mind telling us exactly what happened? Er, well, I work in a club.
Where we met.
Yeah.
Anyway, this girl was there and her flatmate didn't show up and so she came back to our place and then kind of flaked out on the couch.
She said you were giving her free drinks.
Just the first one.
It's a new club promotion.
Then maybe she had three more vodkas after that.
Yeah, at closing time she was all over Ben like a rash.
Umwhen we got home, she just suddenly started acting off her face.
Next thing you know, she was just lying there on the couch.
Well, I doubt it's alcohol poisoning but it could be drugs.
Did you give her any'? No! See her take any'? C-can I see her? I'm afraid I can't allow that.
Elly has accused you of spiking her drink.
W-what? No way.
You've got to be kidding.
Melissa, can you tell him, please? I know Ben.
He wouldn't so something like that.
Look, I'm not accusing you.
But that's what she says.
We'll do a tox screen.
If she tests positive, then I'm guessing the police will be in touch.
(MAN SPEAKS DISTANTLY) Oh, it's Dad! (GASPS) Quick, do something! He can't see us like this.
(PANTS) Not much chance of that, though, eh? The door's stuck.
Dad? Is that you? Rachel, what are you doing in there? Are you OK'? Dad! Help us! We've been trapped in here all night! What's wrong with the door? It's stuck.
We can't get out, mate.
OK, hang on.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Oh, Dad! Dad! Oh, thank God you're here.
We've been trapped here all night.
Yeah, lucky I turned up.
Hey, are you OK'? What happened? Yeah.
Paint all over my Oh, it's such a long story.
Alright, then, just grab your stuff.
Thanks for looking after her, mate.
I'll see you downstairs.
Better get that fixed.
(WHISPERS) OK.
Last night didn't happen.
OK'? We just played noughts and crosses all night.
OK.
If you ever want to play noughts and crosses again, I'm up for it.
So you stayed in that all night? There were some drop sheets.
And we had your muffins.
Oh, well.
Thank goodness for the muffins.
So did, umJake have to strip off too? Hmm.
He gave me his shirt, yes.
Oh, so the night wasn't a complete waste, then.
Hmm.
Oh, poor Jake.
Dave said he's offered to stay on and finish the job.
Aww.
What, and miss his rugby game? Oh, so you did talk, then? Well, you must have.
All that time alone together.
Yes, wemight have conversed a little bit.
And? And Grandad? What are you and Marjorie up to this afternoon? Nothing.
Might have a day off.
Oh, alright.
I'm off to the drycleaners to see if I can salvage 400 bucks.
Bye.
UmDad just so you know, Abby and Susannah will be over later with the Nine Mooners.
Oh, yeah'? So I thought maybe you might want to go to Marjorie's.
Mm-hm.
Or maybe the Boat Club.
Come on, Dad.
It won't get any better if you two don't talk.
It might make it worse.
Apparently it's not the done thing to criticise a friend's child.
But I just couldn't sit there and say nothing.
It's not in my nature.
(SIGHS) I better scoot off.
Leave you to get ready for the Moon landing.
(LAUGHS) No, of course I didn't do it.
Er, no, they haven't called yet.
I'm still waiting.
Yeah, I understand.
I'll give you a call.
That was Derek.
I've been stood down, pending.
Sounds bad, mate.
Hey, do you know what? You should speak to my cousin.
He's a lawyer.
Well, was a lawyer.
Till he got caught out at Hamilton Island using his mate's credit card.
Who were those guys hassling Elly? Yeah - the guy in the green shirt and his mate.
Maybe they spiked her drink and were waiting for her to leave? But then you brought her here.
Reckon she might know who they are? She might.
Back in a bit.
(HANGS UP PHONE) Hey.
What are you doing here? Hey, it's OK.
I just want to ask you something.
My father is on his way.
It wasn't me who spiked your drink.
He's a judge.
He wants the police involved.
Go now! I think I might know who did this.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) Those guys giving you a hard time.
Did they mention their names or'? No.
No idea.
And that was early - ages before.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) Or maybe they hung around? Maybe one of them dropped something in your drink when you didn't notice? Ben, you can't be here.
You have to leave now.
You can't think that this was me.
You were the one coming onto me! Ben! This second! I did not do this! Hey, you believe me, don't you? Yeah.
I don't count.
You do to me.
They know what it is? Yeah, it's a date-rape drug.
GHB.
Fantasy.
Great.
That's just what I need.
Oh, God, look.
This could be her father.
You can't stay here.
What am I supposed to do? Go home and twiddle my thumbs'? No, you need to tell the cops about those guys.
Maybe they're on video? Does the club have security cameras? Yeah, we do.
Thank you.
(WHISPERS) Go.
It's so good of you to have us over, Julie.
Sorry to be so early.
No, no, that's fine.
Oh, I love this house.
It is so you.
So serene.
You haven't been here at mealtimes.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Door's open! I'm serious, I can feel it.
It's like a chilled-out female energy.
Just.
.
.
mellow, you know'? Oh.
Hi! Hi, Julie.
Oh, you're early too.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Didn't realise how close you lived.
Mum says to say hello, by the way.
Oh.
Hey, Jules.
I'm off.
Oh, excuse me, ladies.
I wasn't expecting you so soon.
Abby.
Hi, Ted.
Susannah.
Ted.
Actually, seeing as you're here, could I have a word? Of course.
In private? Hmm.
Abby, why don't you just let it go? You know'? So, cup of tea? That'd be great.
So what do you want to get off your chest'? You've really upset Mum.
Not my intention.
But somehow the outcome.
You're not right for her.
How would you know that'? Because I know her.
She's my mother.
You've been in her life five minutes.
And you've been back in her life five minutes.
So how are you feeling? I've seen you call your mother once in all the time I've known her.
(SCOFFS) And now you're back home! At her suggestion.
At your beck and call! This is not about me.
This is all about you.
And for your mother's sake, I've tried to be friends.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry you've found it so hard hanging out with the freaks.
Look, I don't care whether you're gay, have green hair or webbed feet.
I just don't like you taking advantage of your mother! We offered I'm really sorry about this.
No, no, I'm sorry, Dad's just Yeah, and you choose to let her.
She's not a doormat.
No, she's not.
She's happy to do it.
And you're happy to sit back and let her do all the running.
Well, it's not right.
She deserves a life too! I think it's your life you're worried about.
I've had my say.
I don't have to stand here and listen to this rubbish! Mum! Mum! I took this girl home last night and now she reckons I slipped her a date-rape drug! Hi.
Well, did you tell the police about the videotapes? Yeah, but I don't know if they'll even watch them.
Elly's father's a judge.
He's been onto them saying I drugged her.
They grilled me for half an hour! Yeah, OK.
Did they say they're gonna charge you? They just said to be available for further interviews.
Alright, well, calm down.
Look, you'll be fine.
We know you're innocent.
TED: Trouble is, lots of innocent men have had to face a firing squad.
Did the toxicology report come through on the girl in the car crash? Yeah, somewhere here.
Look, I admire your loyalty, sticking up for your ex-boyfriend like that.
(LAUGHS) That's got nothing to do with it.
Well, you were kind of quick to jump to his defence, even before you'd heard the facts.
Problem? Maybe for someone.
Feeling better? Yeah, heaps.
That was a pretty stupid thing to do.
Yeah, I know, but he seemed like such a nice guy.
Do you want one? Er, no, thanks.
I wasn't talking about Ben.
But, yeah, he is a really nice guy.
And you were ready to ruin his life.
Huh? You told everyone he spiked your drink to hide the truth.
You took the fantasy yourself, didn't you? You're the one on drugs.
You live at 17 Trafalgar Street? Yeah? So does another girl who was admitted last night - Kirsty Matthews? Kirsty.
Is she OK'? She was in a car accident.
It can happen when you're driving off your face on drugs.
Well, is she badly hurt'? She'll be alright.
But she did admit that she took fantasy.
And, wow, she just happens to share a house with you.
So will you tell your father or shall I'? He's here.
Elly took the fantasy herself? Her friend Kirsty supplied it.
Oh, she said she was wild.
Yeah, so when she OD'd, she was afraid her father would find out.
I could have been charged! Yeah, she was scared.
She panicked.
We all do dumb things.
(SIGHS) I mean, for what it's worth, she said to tell you she's sorry.
I don't know what to say, exceptthanks.
You're welcome.
I guess you've got to get back to work.
Actually, I've finished for the day but Luke's waiting outside in the car.
Well, at least he believes you now.
About me, I guess.
Um, yeah.
(SIGHS) Thanks again.
Yeah.
Umsee you round.
You too, Carbo.
See you, Mel.
See'? Trust in Uncle Carbo and Uncle Carbo will deliver.
What? Melissa.
She came round, didn't she? To tell me I wasn't going to jail for the term of my natural life.
So'? Look on the positive side.
Her boyfriend's in the car.
Oh, details, details, mate.
At least I got her in the door.
You? Believe me, Benno.
It's not over till it's over.
I tracked down Sally Treloar.
She'd given it to her neighbour and it was still in their shed.
Oh, darling.
Remember Rachel in it? So tiny.
(DOORBELL RINGS) And so noisy.
(LAUGHS) It goes so quick, doesn't it, love'? Yeah.
DAVE: (DISTANT) Hi, Marjorie.
MARJORIE: Hi, Dave.
Come on in.
(SHUTS DOOR) Hi, Marjorie.
Hi, Julie.
Well, we might just go look at some colour charts for the baby's room.
What room'? Get you a tea or coffee? No, thanks.
I got your message.
Mmm.
This business with Susannah and the baby, I Yeah, I understand.
It was fine while we were on our own little island.
The rest of the world has a way of finding you.
Mmm.
I would never, ever want to hurt you, Marjorie.
I know that.
But I was thinking, er that perhaps we should give each other a little space.
Space? Mmm.
It's probably a good thing.
For whatever reason Susannah and I clash at the moment, I think you need her and the baby in your life a lot more than you need me.
But I will miss you.
I'll miss you too.
TED: I don't know if it was Cupid's fault or mine.
Or just bloody bad luck.
Take care.
That's the thing about romance.
You never know how it's gonna play out.
SONG: Falling in love again Falling in love again Falling in love again Oh! Who believes in signs, anyway?