Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Bravo!
Three Porn and Ice Creams coming out!
Thank you, Grace.
To moderate success!
Cheers!
What flavor is this?
Kumquat and whisky.
-That's for old people.
-Totally.
I like it.
If you don't enjoy it,
it doesn't bother me!
What's that?
It's a catchphrase from a TV show.
You hadn't even been born yet.
Hey, congratulations.
Thanks, Nacho.
It's crazy, right? Unbelievable.
Not unbelievable.
The song is good. That's it.
Ah, right. Of course.
Asshole.
Pablo, he was being nice to you.
He's a psycho.
Listen up! Let's check if we reached
five million streams on Spotify.
We're at 4,999,999.
Refresh!
We're there!
Cheers!
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
If you need to
-Bravo.
-Who's this guy?
He's the bad guy.
Why are you here, Segundo?
Celebrating.
The five million streams?
No! The end
of The Feeble-Minded.
-Not again.
-So annoying.
What's wrong, Ceci?
-This is serious.
-Is it about my jacket?
I thought it was part of a brand deal!
It's not your jacket. Get dressed.
We've been served.
Porn and Ice Cream was stolen.
What?
We don't speak English here.
Right. See you in court.
-What court?
-Court?
At trial! I'm suing you for plagiarism!
No!
-No!
-No!
They'll close down my club!
-You're the worst!
-No, I
PORN AND ICE CREAM
My dream is to find a bread
-That's tasty.
-That's fun.
And good for your figure.
Bran bread
The Scatterbrained
The Scatterbrained
Bran bread
The Scatterbrained.
The bran bread
for the Argentine family.
THE BRAN BREAD
FOR THE ARGENTINE FAMILY
See?
Hello, how are you doing?
-It's the batteries. Are these AA?
-Good evening.
We have an amazing show tonight.
-The guests
-Mr. Domínguez!
-Mr. Domínguez!
-What is it now?
They won't let you live in this country!
Nice miniskirt.
-No!
-Well, it's clear!
It's clear as day
that The Feeble-Minded plagiarized
my clients, the heirs
of The Scatterbrained bran bread.
Since when are you an attorney?
I studied in Nordelta University.
What is the opinion of the musical expert?
Porn and ice cream
Bran bread
Bran bread
It's identical.
Yes, it's the same.
Guys, you didn't change a single note.
She's right, it's the same. What the hell?
Excuse me, didn't you drive an Uber?
Do I look like I drive an Uber?
No, I'm sorry. My mistake.
Well, The Feeble-Minded
are sentenced to ten years in jail.
No, wait! Let us get a lawyer.
Come on.
I've got Pilates at 3:00, you know?
Please, Your Honor.
A lawyer is all I'm asking for.
Yes, the music is the same.
-And they should go to jail.
-Dad!
Tell me something, Simón
-Simón, right?
-No, I'm Fermín.
Simón is my brother.
Sorry, you're just identical.
The same faces.
Who was born first?
-Objection!
-To what?
-I don't know, they say it in movies.
-Overruled. Continue.
Simón was born first.
I was born 45 minutes later.
Interesting.
Because from the point of view
of the OB-GYN,
from their point of view,
you'd see a baby come out
with this face,
and then moments later,
another baby with the same face.
You are a plagiarist!
You should be in jail!
Fermín goes to jail
for plagiarizing his brother Simón!
No!
It's tough being twins!
Don't cry.
You are Omar Cuartirolo.
You're on the run from Interpol.
How do you know that?
There's a sign back there.
OMAR CUARTIROLO
WANTED BY INTERPOL
See you later.
So?
He threw himself out the window
and onto a horse, and galloped away.
I'm very sorry,
but the song was clearly stolen.
No! Wait.
These things happen all the time.
People come up with the same ideas.
Like the pyramids.
The Egyptians built the pyramids in Egypt.
And at the same time,
the Mayans built the same pyramids
somewhere else.
Is that plagiarism to you, Your Honor?
Who should we sentence to jail?
Cleopatra or
Pocahontas?
Excuse me, Your Honor.
The Egyptian pyramids
were built in 3,000 BC,
and the Mayan pyramids
in second-century AD.
They're unrelated.
How do you know that?
-I just googled it.
-He googled it!
Googling isn't fair! He googled!
Okay.
"During the week,
I'm Claudio in the office.
"But Thursday nights,
"they call me Josefina."
-Do you recognize this?
-Yes, of course.
It's an entry in my personal diary.
Did you also know
that it's a song by The Feeble-Minded?
Of course.
Crossdresser.
Very nice. Good to dance to!
I told you! There you have it.
The Feeble-Minded
don't have an ounce of originality.
They stole lyrics from this gentleman.
They plagiarized my clients' song.
They are incapable
of writing a song
without stealing from someone.
I could write a song whenever I wanted to!
Right now, for example.
Madam Judge
I'm innocent
Don't listen to this asshole
Objection!
I didn't have lunch
Had a light breakfast
I'm hungry
While that lady
Eats a cutlet
Where did she get it?
I'm also hungry,
so we'll continue this tomorrow.
Look, they wrote
"Thieves and plagiarists."
"The Feeble-Minded are feeble-minded."
"Burn in Hell." That's harsh.
-No, that's a really good punk band.
-Oh, okay.
That's The Feeble-Minded!
-Hey!
-Thieves!
-No!
-Jews!
-Why?
-I'm sorry!
-Graciela, open up!
-Graciela!
Get out of here.
They almost wrecked my bar because of you.
They're throwing bigger vegetables.
Let them through! They're gonna kill them!
All right, fine, get in.
PLAGIARISTS
No! Sons of bitches!
I like what they did to mine.
I wish I could grow a mustache.
No! They took us off the
"This Is a Spotify Playlist" playlist.
-No!
-No!
But they put us on another one!
-Good!
-Good!
But it's not good.
THIS IS PLAGIARISM
This is so unfair.
Plus, it was an ad from the '80s.
We hadn't even been born yet.
Maybe jail won't be so bad.
We could study for a degree there.
Or we could ask them
to put us in the same cell.
-Yeah.
-Guys, this isn't summer camp.
Besides, I'll go to a female prison.
It's not cool!
-Sorry.
-Sorry.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
I loved being the soul of the band.
I loved being your friend.
If no one has anything else to add,
we'll move on to sentencing.
I'd like to call a witness.
-What?
-What?
Mr. Haroldo Aparicio.
What do you think of me, Haroldo?
That you're manipulative,
a liar and filthy.
But what about physically?
You're very hegemonic.
Thank you, Haroldo.
-Would you kiss me?
-Objection.
Overruled. Continue.
I repeat, would you kiss me?
-Not anymore.
-Not anymore!
That means that before,
he might have wanted to.
Haroldo, you and I kissed before,
is that correct?
Your Honor, if we have to interrogate
everyone this woman has kissed,
we'd never finish the trial.
Don't get cute.
I like making jokes to make people laugh.
Continue.
Those were
the worst two months of my life.
And you still owe me 17.000 pesos.
On the dawn of September 22nd,
the same morning
when Porn and Ice Cream was written,
you and I were texting, correct?
Yes, that's correct.
And what did I send you
at exactly 5:58 a.m.?
-A photo.
-What kind of photo?
-A photo?
-What kind? Say it!
A nude photo.
Introducing exhibit A.
It's not my best nude.
I was premenstrual, thus the bloating.
But as you can see, it's impossible
for me to have been writing a song
if I was sending nudes, correct?
It's true! Ceci was in the bedroom.
And she came after we wrote it.
Porn and ice cream
You were taking nude pictures next to us?
I've sent nudes in worse places, Ramón.
-Once I was in a bowling alley, and I
-Okay, okay.
Cecilia Von Trapp is acquitted.
Ten years in jail for her best friends.
Great!
Traitor.
Relax, Pablo, we're in this together.
I'd like to call in the next witness.
-Come on, man.
-Joaquín, the neighbor.
-Joaquín, is it?
-Yes, Pablo.
What is your relation
to Mr. Ramón Barreiro?
We're neighbors.
And what exactly does that mean?
It means I live
in the apartment next door.
Interesting.
Interesting.
-Come on, Pablo.
-Okay, you had your moment.
What do you remember
about the morning of September 22nd?
I suffer from insomnia,
so I was watching the folklore channel.
And I saw you in the hall with a guitar.
And I remember I said
Nice guitar, huh?
You told me that you couldn't play.
Did you hear that?
I didn't know how to play.
Yes, we heard.
Continue.
Then I told you to come in,
and you sat on my lap.
His lap?
It really was weird.
It's the most practical way
to teach how to play guitar.
I heard the chords and taught them to you.
So the chords were already being played
and I didn't know them.
Yeah, you didn't know anything.
Not even how to hold a guitar.
Okay, okay.
So, Your Majesty
"Your Majesty"?
I'm being erroneously accused
of a felonious binding crime,
subsidiary in the first degree
Okay, fine.
-Pablo is acquitted. You're innocent.
-Great!
I'll sentence your friend tomorrow.
I need to go to my chiropractor.
Bye, Ramón. See you tomorrow.
I'm not coming in tomorrow, Horacio.
I'm going to jail for ten years.
I was in jail for a while once.
It wasn't too bad.
I made friends from all over the world.
The food wasn't as bad as I thought.
I explored my sexuality. It was nice.
Good memories.
Okay, thanks, Horacio.
I'll finish my last product tower.
That's perfect.
Ramón
I'm almost finished, Horacio,
I just need to
We won't let you go to jail.
I mean, we'll try to keep you out of jail.
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
CIVIL LAW AND TREATIES
Try to go to the past.
I'm scared.
Why are you scared, Ramón?
The light is off.
Turn it on.
I can't reach it.
The switch is too high.
I'm five years old.
No, not that far back, Ramón. Come back.
Okay.
Go back.
Again.
-tasty.
-That's fun.
Again.
Play it again. Again. Again.
GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN
-Hello
-Wait, let it play.
How's it going? Good evening.
We have an amazing show tonight.
-The guests
-Mr. Domínguez!
-The miniskirt.
-Thank you, Mr. Domínguez.
-You like it?
-I love it. It suits you.
Mr. Domínguez, I took a client's order
and when I turned around,
he grabbed my butt.
Well, with that dress
-What?
-Relax, Marisa.
Maybe you'd get a big tip!
The commodification of women's bodies
is the base that supports
the capitalist system, Mr. Domínguez.
Just get back in the kitchen!
Mr. Domínguez.
Pablo!
Look, Harry.
That's what I was about to tell you.
I came up with a new song.
Really?
But hold on.
If you don't enjoy it,
it doesn't bother me!
No!
If you don't enjoy it,
it doesn't bother me!
It was Harry.
I remember it perfectly.
It was that beginning of spring.
But there was still a cool breeze
that made us feel alive.
It was another night of defeats.
The kind that become habitual
to people like us.
Nice words you're using, Ramón.
Thank you.
I can still taste
the custard on my tongue.
I was sitting on a couch, like this one.
And next to me was Pablo.
I remember I was annoyed
because Pablo had invited Harry
to stay over at my place.
Yeah, because I didn't want
to leave him alone at the bar.
In a moment of clarity,
I spoke the phrase, "Every time
you need to let off some steam"
You'll always have porn and ice cream.
And Harry, who was at the keyboard
-Like this?
-Yes.
He turned my words into a song.
You will always have porn and ice cream
I went to him
and asked him to explain the chords.
Porn and ice cream
-So you didn't compose it.
-I'm innocent.
-Great!
-Great!
But are we sending Harry to jail?
-Ramón?
-Sorry, were you talking to me?
-If we get there early, maybe
-That's not gonna
How's it going?
Will you apply the joint solidarity
principle to reduce the sentence?
How do you know that?
Because I'm a lawyer, honey.
-Is everyone a lawyer?
-You could've helped us.
Yeah, right,
and who'd tend bar in the meantime?
Hey, guys, how are you?
-Hi.
-What's up, Harry?
All good?
I couldn't be happier.
I bought a ticket
to visit my mom in Italy.
I haven't seen her in 20 years.
She's 95 years old.
Who knows when I'll see her again?
Perfect, Harry. Go now.
Right now. Leave the country.
I'd love to,
but the flight is in the afternoon.
They called me in to testify in your case.
Why do you need me?
They're calling many of our acquaintances.
Yeah, they'll ask for some info,
social security, blood type, urine sample.
That's no problem. I piss a lot.
All right.
I'm off.
We can't do this to him.
-It's the law of the jungle, Ramón.
-Hakuna matata.
HAVE A NICE TRIP, HARRY!
Well, my blood type is 0 positive.
And here is my urine sample.
-My social security number is
-That info is unnecessary.
Neither is the urine.
Excuse me, you should go to a doctor.
That urine color is not normal.
Is someone going to question him?
Fine. If no one will question him,
we'll move to the sentencing.
Ten years in jail for Mr. Ramón Barreiro.
I will interrogate him!
Harry, how old are you?
Uh, 59.
So in '87, you were
Twenty-three.
I rehearsed every day
with the Philharmonic, and lived downtown.
That's nice. Why do they call you Harry?
Objection!
I just I don't get why you say that.
I don't know, I'm bored.
Overruled. Continue.
Because of a TV program.
Get Back in the Kitchen!
Oh, yeah, it was really good.
-Very funny.
-Quite sexist.
Yes, sexist.
Harry the puppet had a catchphrase, right?
How did it go?
"If you don't enjoy it,
it doesn't bother me!"
So if you watched that show,
you must've seen the ad
for The Scatterbrained bran bread.
-No.
-No?
-I don't recall.
-That's odd.
Introducing exhibit B!
It's not working.
AA batteries? No?
My dream is to find a bread
-That's tasty.
-That's fun.
And good for your figure.
Oh, yeah, I remember now.
You remember?
The morning of September 22nd,
we were in my home,
when I,
sitting on the couch next to Pablo,
spoke the following phrase.
"To let off some steam,
"there will always be porn and ice cream."
And you, if memory serves,
approached the keyboard
and turned my words into a song.
-Is that correct?
-It could be.
Not "could."
You wrote Porn and Ice Cream,
unconsciously plagiarizing
The Scatterbrained bran bread jingle.
Yes, maybe.
Not maybe, you did!
It's probable
Not probable! It's a fact!
He's agreeing with you, Ramón.
It's the kind of thing I would do.
I've had a ton of plagiarism trials.
Ideas are in the air.
-Like the Egyptian pyramids.
-See?
Your Honor, this proves
my complete and absolute innocence.
The only guilty party here is Harry,
who should go to jail!
-Ramón?
-Motherfucker!
All right, fine.
Then, ten years in jail
for Mr. Osvaldo "Harry" Papadópulos.
-Oh, darn.
-His name is Osvaldo?
Very nice trial.
Thank you.
-Well done.
-Incredible.
Excuse me, Madam Judge.
We don't want anyone to go to jail.
Shut up.
All we want is the Spotify money.
No, not the Spotify money.
Whatever, Harry can go to jail.
Ceci!
We've got 5,477,847 streams.
That would be $3.27.
Well then, Papadópulos is released,
and The Feeble-Minded owe $3.27
to the heirs of The Scatterbrained
No, Madam Judge, wait.
You have to forbid
these people from every playing again.
What a pain. I have a Biodanza class.
Fine, The Feeble-Minded will not play
any song written to this date.
Yes!
Yes!
This is the end!
The end of The Feeble-Minded.
We could write new songs.
What a pain.
Segundo, what's your problem with us?
My political career
is dead because of you.
And my dad doesn't love me.
Little baby.
Is that Harry?
Yeah, he got wasted and missed his flight.
Moderate success was nice while it lasted.
Yeah.
I didn't like being famous anyway.
-It's not nice.
-Me neither.
Not at all.
The Feeble-Minded
won't be able to play their songs,
and the status quo
is reset for the next season.
If there is one, of course.
It's impossible.
-Guys!
-Harry? But
How could this be?
There's no time to explain.
You have to come with me to the future!
The future?
Something terrible is happening.
You have to solve it.
-Okay.
-Fine.
Let's go.
What will happen next season?
Will they travel to the future
Or stay stuck?
Will there be another season
Or do we end it here?
Kind of an ambitious ending
And if there's another season
How will they film the future?
And if they don't get more money
How will they film it?
-They need to raise the budget Budget
-Budget
-Filming the future is expensive
-Budget
Filming is expensive
If they give us more money
We can shoot on the beach
Like when they go to Acapulco in El Chavo
-Filming in Acapulco is expensive
-El Chavo
-We want more
-Budget