Pulling (2006) s02e06 Episode Script

1 "If the line is pink, you're pregnant.
" The line is pink.
"If the line is pink, you're pregnant.
" It is pink.
"If the line is pink, you're pregnant.
" Pink.
"If the line is--" the line, right, the line, that's the line, that is the line, okay.
"If the line," got that, "is pink," the colour, that's the colour pink, so if the line, the line, if the line is pink "If the line is pink, you're pregnant.
" If, right, the, okay, line, yes, is, got that, pink, yes [SHOUTING.]
Oh, fuck! Well, thanks for a lovely, um, uh Thanks for lovely sex.
It was lovely.
Really nice.
Is there a bus that gets me out of here? - Yeah, the high street, 285.
- Great.
- Do you-- I mean do you want my number or - What? Oh, yeah, of course.
I'm not a slag.
- I mean, if you don't that's fine as well, so.
- No, God, no, yeah.
Give us it.
I'll call you up on it.
Thanks.
- That's just my name.
- What? Oh, shit, sorry.
Dave.
That's brilliant.
Perfect.
Right, I'll be off.
So did you--did you want to do a kiss, goodbye, you know, goodbye kiss? Is it weird not to? Or is it weirder to? I don't know.
I mean, we can if you want.
Just maybe not use tongues.
What do you think? Or not make it too tonguey, wet--wet tongues? What do you reckon? I think maybe we'll leave it.
Yeah, yeah, leave it.
Thanks for everything.
Best wishes, Donna.
Bye.
BILLY: Hello? Who's that? Hello, I can't get a signal.
Can you pull over so we can get a signal please? We are pulled over.
What? Fuck.
Hello? Can you help me, please? Louise, look who's here again the third time this week.
He wants me, Richard.
He's drawn to my banter.
You sure it's not the pumpkin risotto? The pumpkin risotto is just the honey in my trap.
And if he's hungry for honey, well, there's plenty more where that came from.
And once he's gorged himself on my honey, I'm sorry, I don't know where that's going.
Give me a menu.
Can't resist my charms, eh? I tried to fight it but it didn't work.
How do you do it? I've been drugging your food.
Lucky me.
Well, I don't suppose you could find me some of that delicious pumpkin risotto, could you? I'm sure I can even if it means regurgitating it myself.
Great, yeah.
Can I have some of that with some salad and a carrot juice and a date? Is that with me then? Yeah.
Yeah, well, I'll just check my diary.
That'd be great.
What are you doing tomorrow? Nothing.
Completely free and up for it.
Well, will you come out with me then? Sorry, I don't get it.
Where's the joke? I'm not going to stay long.
I just thought I'd pop in and get my CDs.
You haven't got any CDs.
What are you talking about, Karl? I've got thousands of CDs.
I'm a muso.
Well, all right, there they are.
Have a look.
Don't want you whisking Michael Buble off to Italy with you.
So when are you going? Friday.
Not long now.
I thought you might be a bit upset with me because I said I didn't want to get back with you.
What? I'm not upset with you.
I'm perfectly fine.
Actually, can I just say, Karl, that you really mis-read that whole situation.
I wasn't asking you to get back with me.
I was asking if you wanted to get back with me which is completely and secondly, I couldn't even give a toss.
So I don't know what you're on about.
Look, Donna.
And honestly, Karl, you've done me a real favour because basically the whole time we've been split up I've been tip-toeing around, not sleeping with other men, worrying about you and what you think.
You've slept with loads of men since we've Now I just think that's stupid.
So it's just gonna be one big sex festival for me from now on.
Bring on the knobs.
Just doesn't seem like you.
Right.
Got these.
Look, Karl, don't worry about me, okay.
I am happy, really, really happy.
Right, well, I guess this is goodbye.
Do you want to go and get a coffee or something? No, I've got to go home, take a shower.
I feel dirty.
Oh, wow.
I had a great time last night, pulled, shagged, got his number which actually is a bit awkward because I didn't want it.
And now I've got it, so What's wrong? Karen's pregnant.
What? Karen? Are you fertile? Nice one, Donna.
What? [NO SOUND.]
Did you think she was fertile? [NO SOUND.]
No.
I am here, you know.
No, look, sorry.
It was just a shock, I'm sorry.
Come here.
Don't worry.
We'll look after you.
And it.
Don't call it "it".
Call it baby.
Don't fucking call it baby.
Are you gonna tell, Billy? Is it Billy's? No, I just meant how do you know? Donna, contrary to popular belief I do practice safe sex when I remember.
I think you should tell Billy.
I'm not telling Billy.
I'm gonna sort it out.
I'm gonna Well, I'm not gonna have a baby, am I? And no one's telling Billy, okay? I'm dealing with this on my own.
Not on your own.
With us.
With your friends.
This is a really hard thing to go through, Karen.
It's difficult.
It's sensitive and we want to be here for you, okay? And then you and me are going out on the pull.
What? Just, I mean, you know make the darkness go away.
Oh, they're lovely.
Hey, that's good, Jake.
What's that? It's a monster, Miss.
A monster? What monster is that? That monster, Miss.
Fuck.
I mean shit.
Take over, Leanne.
Billy, what are you doing here? I can't believe you're having my baby.
What? Who told you? Louise.
But I promised, shh, I wouldn't say.
Jesus Christ! You got to keep it, Karen.
I love you.
I want to be a family with you.
This is beautiful.
Billy! Look at the state of you! No, no, you got that wrong, Karen.
This is the end of this.
This is the residue of the last part of me, okay.
It's gone.
It's finished.
That is over.
Welcome to the new me.
Just get out.
I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm going.
But you see, I'm gonna show you that I can be a responsible male.
I mean it, Karen.
I want this baby with you.
It's all right.
It's not from the fall, it's been doing that all week.
It's fine.
Bye.
I love you.
Wow, look at you.
You look gorgeous.
Thanks.
I thought I'd be nervous but I'm not.
I mean, why should I be? We get on so well.
I mean, here in this nice safe restaurant, we have a real rapport.
So there's no difference is there, really in another-- in another restaurant, in a different restaurant, in a less familiar and comfortable-- Oh, fuck, there he is.
Hello there.
You look lovely.
You don't.
Bender, you look like a No, you look gorgeous is what I was trying to Very pretty, you've made an effort.
You--You scrub up well.
Shall we go? Yes.
Look, Karen, I've done this because I just want you to know how serious I am about you, me and the Karen, I'm out here if you need anything.
You know, grapes or whatever.
Omega 3s and shit.
That is gonna drive me nuts, him out there.
I can't believe Louise told him.
He's been suggesting names through the letter-box.
What? Yeah, I know.
What a bastard.
I did quite like Randy, though.
I mean, it's unusual, isn't it? And it works for boy or girl.
Donna, I am not having it.
Yeah, no, I know, God.
Just keep it for when you do decide to have a child.
I mean, if it's not too late.
MAN : Donna! Who's that? Oh, it's just this bloke I met at the Marquis.
I'm gonna have casual sex with him.
Yeah, I thought I was drunk enough but I wasn't.
There, that should do it.
Donna, far be it from me to discourage casual sex, but you do know it's a sport, not a punishment.
Shut up.
Are you sure you just want a side dish of spinach? It just seems a bit No, that's what I like.
It's not 'cause I'm nervous.
I just like spinach.
Popeye.
Popeye, the sailor.
[SINGING.]
All the nice girls like a sailor Oh, this is fun.
So what do you do? Well, I'm Oh, my God, what a shit question.
What do you do? What do you do? What a wanker.
No, no, not at all.
I mean, I'm Because we all thought you were a writer.
We? We always thought that maybe you were writing a novel, because you're always making little notes.
We thought that maybe you became a novelist after leaving the priesthood.
Sorry? Yeah, well, we thought that you had that look about you, you know, that you used to be a priest, but then you became disillusioned with organized religion after seeing a war or something.
Right.
And then when I got your name off your credit card and checked it online, funnily enough there was actually a J.
Connors who was a priest and was now writing.
So I thought, you know, what you've said connects with what we've concocted about you, well, not what you said but what your credit card told us.
Are you drunk, Louise? Great idea.
Let's get battered.
[WHISPERING.]
I bought you some lunch, Karen.
Salad.
Banana.
Potassium.
Take that.
So I got your message.
What's up? What? No, nothing.
Nothing's up.
I just thought, you know, you gave me your number, I thought it might be rude not to I don't understand.
Do you want sex? What? No, God! Jesus Christ, I'm not-- I'm in my work clothes.
But you called me.
Yeah, just to be polite.
But, you know, I thought-- Look, I'm glad you're well and everything's Why wouldn't I be well? What are you talking about, "well"? Well, I don't know.
I just Have you got AIDS? I haven't got AIDS.
Jesus, what are you-- Have you got AIDS? I haven't got AIDS.
It's you who wanted to see me.
I didn't want to see you.
I just called you because you gave me your number and I thought-- Now you're talking about sexual diseases.
I do not have a sexual disease.
If you got a sexual disease you did not get it from me.
I haven't got-- Bloody hell, this is awful.
I don't like this.
I'm gonna go.
So I can just not call you now and then that's fine, is it? Yes.
God! Right, that's the aubergine tagine.
Louise, did you, um, did you enjoy yourself last night? Yep.
No pumpkin risotto then? It just, you seemed a bit different.
Same old me.
Actually, it's not on today, the risotto.
I mean, you just kept drinking and drinking.
You drank 8 pints of lager.
I mean, do you usually Oh, yeah.
It's a medical thing.
Like that dart's player.
That's why I passed out.
I mean, if you were nervous I wasn't nervous.
Why would I be? I wouldn't, I wouldn't.
Well, let's give it another go tonight.
Would you like that? I mean, do you think it's worth it? Absolutely doodily.
So that's the aubergine tagine, large salad and a cappuccino and no pumpkin risotto.
What's going on? It's Billy.
He's bought me an orthopaedic bed.
But I don't know what the point of that is because I'm having a fucking abortion anyway.
Right, well, if you don't want it, I'll have it.
The bed I mean, not the, you know, not the [TV PLAYS.]
Hi.
Oh, aren't you supposed to be on a date? Yeah.
I'm so good in the restaurant, Donna.
I'm just so good with him in the restaurant.
I'm sexy in that restaurant, you know.
We can talk about anything in there.
It's like penguins.
In the water, they're all beautiful and graceful and sexy but take them out and they're just pricks.
Little pricks.
So I've just not bothered going.
Karl's leaving tomorrow.
You all right? No, I'm fine.
I'm fine about it.
I met this bloke on the bus.
I'm just gonna get drunk and shag him.
I think that'll make me feel better or worse.
Why are we like this, Louise? Oh, come on.
We're not that bad.
Right, the plan is we take turns pissing on the mattress and chuck it out the upstairs window at Billy's car.
I reckon if we get enough leverage behind it we can clear the hedge.
Who's with me? Here we are then.
Alone at last, not on the bus.
Look, can I just say, um, Sean, I'm not really feeling myself tonight.
I mean, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
We're still going to have a good time, but I just wanted you to That's a nice dress.
Thanks, thank you.
Yeah, look, we're going to have a laugh.
It's tight, so really shows off your figure.
Um, yeah.
Thanks, thank you.
I suppose it is quite And your boobies.
What? What did you say? Okay, right, don't say "boobies," because, you know, you've only just met me and, in fact, even if we were old friends don't say boobies.
It's just a joke, Donna.
Jesus.
Keep you knickers on, or don't.
What's the matter with you? What is this? I mean, do you normally talk to girls like that or is this some sort of-- Shh! Why don't you come and sit over here? Look, don't think I have to be here or need to for some reason, because actually, right, I don't.
Right, I'm just gonna Powder your nose? Give it a wipe for me.
Get in.
You gonna keep this up? What, the stalking? No, the new you, the sober, got your house back, working you, is that for keeps? Yeah, yeah, I think it is, Karen.
All right then.
What? Let's-- You know, let's-- Let's-- Well, you know.
And that has got to stop, that hand-belly touching thing.
That is just fucking annoying.
I love you.
Yeah.
Well, I'm going down the doctor's tomorrow, you can come with me.
Prove yourself.
Try and stop me.
Are you fucking crying? I don't think you should swear, Karen.
You know, they can pick up on the vibes.
Up your arse.
Hi.
Donna, what are you doing here? Are you with someone? No, no, I just popped in to steal some toilet paper.
Are you okay? - I don't know what I'm doing, Donna.
I'm getting in the plane tomorrow.
I've just been walking around and around thinking, trying to work out what the fuck I'm doing.
Jesus, Karl, what-- I mean, I thought you wanted to go.
I mean, it's Italy, Karl.
Sun, pasta and But, you know, it's you following your dream.
I wish I had the guts to do that.
Pizza, pizza as well.
I'm just running away.
Maybe I'm just running away.
Well, look, do you want to talk? No, no, Donna.
I couldn't.
I mean, you know, after everything that's What are you talking about? We're friends.
Don't worry about that now.
Well, maybe, I could do with someone to chat with.
Okay.
Look, it's okay.
We'll sort this out.
All right? Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I want you to go, Karl, but the thing you have to remember is-- Oi.
Is that you and, um, well, me, we've been through-- What about me? A lot and-- What do I get? Where's mine? Is this bloke with you? No.
And the thing is your happiness is more important to me-- Do I get a bit? Where's mine? He seems to be talking to you, Donna.
No, he's not.
He's just-- Look, just get your coat.
There's a good-- What about me, eh? Where's my juicy fruit? He touched me.
Yeah, dirty, creepy, bloody dirty-- No, Karl, just leave it.
He's not worth it.
Let's just go, let's go.
Let's-- And as for you, don't you go touching women's boobies again.
Bagels.
Louise? Louise? Louise, I know it's a cupboard.
There's nowhere to go.
Look, I just want to know why you didn't show up last night.
Louise, are you going to come out? We could have talked about this, Louise.
And if you come out of your cupboard, we could give it another go.
We could talk about pumpkin risotto if it makes it easier.
Right, let's get this breakfast on the road.
Do you want one bagel or two? Well, it all goes down the same pipe, don't it? Karen.
Let me explain.
I thought one celebration drink.
I just had half shandy, one chaser, one Drambuie, one cocktail and two cocktail and one little bottle of Bacardi.
And that's it.
I'm with you 100%.
Put the keys through the letter box when you leave.
And a glass of carrot juice please.
What? What are you on about? Right, we've got the results.
The best thing we can do from here is to prescribe a cream and if you could refrain from sexual activity until it's all cleared up.
Cleared up? What do you mean cleared up? No, I want to keep it.
Keep what? The baby.
What? I'm sorry.
I thought you understood.
Did the nurse not talk to you about this? No.
About what? Is it okay? Right, um, when you did the pregnancy test, how long did you leave the strip exposed for? Well, it said on the box 5 minutes, so I left it for an hour.
You know, it's like gluing a shoe, isn't it? They say leave it on for 10, you leave it for 15 just to be sure.
So just to be sure, I left it for an hour.
Well, unfortunately it's not like gluing a shoe.
The longer you leave it on, the more likely it is to give a positive reading.
So I'm not gonna have a baby? I'm sorry.
But I have got the clap? I'm afraid so.
I've got genital warts.
Hello you.
You all right about last night? I'm brilliant about last night.
Listen, Donna, thank you for, well, listening to me, and-- I mean, you really sorted my head out.
I think I've just been walking around in cuckoo land this last year since we split up.
- Me too.
You really helped.
Anyway, I got to run.
I've got to be at the airport in 2 hours.
Right.
Okay.
For what? Well, the plane leaves at 4.
Right.
So you're still doing that? Well, yeah.
I mean, did you think What? No.
No, I mean, I just meant 4, is it? I didn't realize it was-- God, no.
I just meant-- What time is it? I've got so much stuff to do.
I've got to-- Got to go to the toilet.
Donna? No, I'm just really bursting.
Joe! There.
Brilliant.
Now that's out of the way, I'll be completely normal.
Relatively.
Got to get back.
I'm working.
Give me a call.
We'll go out tonight.
Okay.
Great, that's great.
Louise, how did you know where I lived? Women's intuition and your credit card, and the internet.
The cab's here, Donna.
I mean, don't you want to say goodbye? I'm having a poo.
Right.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm great.
Donna, I don't know when I'll get to see you again.
I mean, don't you want to-- Have a good time in Italy.
No, wait.
Shit.
Look, Karl, I'm not all right, okay? I'm--I'm very bad.
Look, I don't want to stop you from going, honest, I don't.
But just last night I just felt something.
And I can't believe I'm doing this to you, but All right, look, just give me 5 minutes, okay.
That's all I ask.
And then if you decide