Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s02e06 Episode Script

1 Go ninja! I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! You did it, you birthdayed You've aged another year Happy birthday Sunday cake, it's the end - Uh, Howard, it's not your birthday - No cheese, Cunningham, but if you tell 'em it is they'll give you free cake.
- So you lie for free cake? - "So you lie for free cake?" Ugh.
You are such a truth bag.
I am not.
I just don't lie for no reason.
A: free cake is not "no reason".
And 2: you can't lie because you're a truth bag! - Please.
I'm an awesome liar.
- Prove it.
Get yourself some free cake.
Hey, buddy.
Randy here wants to tell you something.
Uh I'm it's, you know I forgot that I was born on today, so, cake, I want it.
Me.
Oh! Today's your birthday.
What's the date today? Um it's the, uh, 34th of Octeebruary, right? Everybody knows that.
"Today is not my birthday?" Happy not-birthday, sweet swindler! Ouch! Zanged! Told ya.
You are wonk at lying.
Everyone's better than you.
Everyone! Hmm? Ugh.
I am wonk at lying.
- Mm.
- Ow! Get your own.
Oh, right, ya can't! Not yet I can't.
Hm.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
No.
No.
No.
Come on, Nomicon.
Isn't there like an art of bluffing of lie school or dupe university? Come on, please.
I need to show Howard I'm not a truth bag.
Uh, hmm.
OK, yeah.
Sure.
Uh-huh, very good.
"Deception is a blade that cuts both ways.
" Um, excuse me.
You left your blade of deception? Is this for me? He left the blade of deception for me? Gah.
I hold the blade of deception.
Ha! I'ma buzz some sick fibs, yo.
What do you mean there's no sugar free fudge?! How is this possible?! It's, uh, because fudge has been outlawed in Norrisville.
Hmm.
Is that true? Yes.
Blade of deception.
Did you just say "blade of deception"? No.
Blade of deception.
So was fudge outlawed or not?! Listen, all I know is the fudge factory at the Edge of Town - is abandoned.
- There is no fudge factory at the Edge of Town.
I guess you'll never know 'cause I'm such a great liar.
- Too bad there's no way to find out.
- Hmm.
OK.
Take me there.
I'm so sorry, you said take take you there? Free dessert is my jam.
It's not even my birthday.
- I know it's not your birthday! - Hannibal, keep it down.
I cannot be branded a sweet swindler.
Sorry, Viceroy, it's not you.
Marci's mother is coming to town.
I know.
Ruth sent me a McFist Friend message.
- We're McFist buddies.
- Un-McFist her immediately! The woman's a snoop! If she finds my weapons of ninja destruction it'll be all over her blog! Everybody will know I'm trying to destroy the ninja.
You're being paranoid.
Ruth is a doll.
Yeah.
A doll who's trying to ruin my reputation! Gotta hide the WND's.
You know that would take an empty building the size of three airplane hangers! How big is this abandoned fudge factory - at the Edge of Town? - It's, um, the size of three airplane hangers.
What about that abandoned fudge factory at the Edge of Town - I keep hearing about? - That ain't real.
So you would have me believe that not only was fudge a staple of early Norrisvillians, - but also appeared on our city flag? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But only for six months.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, because that's when the great - what'd you call it again? - Fudge-trocity.
Right, the fudge-trocity of ought eight happened.
That's what you expect me to believe? It is what I expect you to believe.
Mm-hmm.
You said it happened in ought seven.
Um, that's, uh Come on, blade of deception.
Because it started in December of ought seven and didn't end till January of ought eight, yes! All right, Cunningham.
All right.
Great.
You believe me.
Now just admit it and we can save ourselves a trip to the Edge of Town.
Oh, no! I don't believe a word you're saying.
We're going to the Edge of Town.
Next stop, Edge of Town! Next stop, Main Street.
This is why I never ride the bus.
It takes forever to get anywhere.
Breaker, breaker.
We got these freight shakers all loaded up with WND's.
Viceroy, what's your twenty, good buddy? I'm sitting right next to you.
You have to say "breaker".
Who are you texting?! I'm just letting Ruth know I can't pick her up at the airport.
Don't mention our scheme! Don't tell her anything! Put the hammer down.
We gotta stash these WND's at the fudge factory.
Calm down, we're almost there.
- Edge of Town's just over this hill.
- Copy that! Where is it?! Breaker, there's no abandoned fudge factory - on the Edge of Town.
- Then build me one! - You have to say "breaker".
- Breaker.
Why did Milo Fudglington build his factory on the Edge of Town rather then Norrisville's bustling factory district? Um, because he was in a bitter feud with the notorious anti-chocolate Sheriff Bart.
I think.
Ahh, you said Commissioner Williams was anti-chocolate.
Sheriff Bart supported it privately but wouldn't go on the record.
Did I? You are good at this.
Cunningham, you're lying! Just admit you're the world's worst liar and we can go home.
Ugh.
Fine.
I went in the Nomicon, they gave me the blade of deception but maybe it needs to be sharpened or something, because I'm still a terrible liar and there is no fudge factory.
- Liar! - No, that's the truth.
- Then what's that?! - Hmm? - That's impossible.
- I know! - You made it sound so fake.
- Because it was fake! I was lying.
You were lying by telling me the truth? Cunningham, that is some level ten deception.
Ho-ho.
That is fudge worthy.
- There is no fudge.
- Yeah, right.
I can't trust a word you say.
But I made this place up.
I thought I made it up.
You forgot to stash this! What if Ruth found it? She'd tell everyone! I'm sorry.
I was so busy building an abandoned fudge factory and filling it with your WND's, it must have slipped my mind.
- Apology not accepted, Viceroy.
- Hmph! That whole building's filled with weapons of ninja destruction! Howard.
- Howard.
Howard? - Nooo! I'm coming, buddy.
Howard, are you OK? No, I'm not OK! There's no fudge in this place! It's all traps.
Now get me outta here! Wow, you are really stuck in here.
What are you doing? Get in here.
I'm updating my McFist Friend status.
You're like a teenager with that thing.
- Ooh.
What's with the beeping? - That's my ninja detector.
It detects the ninja, then it beeps.
- Hey.
- Ninja? Oh, I'm totally gonna McSnapster pic that.
Ninja! Get the ninja! Ninja claw cut! Yah! Whoa! Ninja knock yourself out! Whoa! Watch it, I'm cowering in here.
Ahh! This made up fudge factory is supposed to be abandoned.
Abandoned! Throw every WND we got at him, Viceroy.
- Viceroy? Viceroy! - Were you talking to me? - Ninja phone slice! - Ha! Where's your fancy McMe phone now, Viceroy? - Viceroy? Viceroy! - Family plan.
Ninja chain-cicle.
All right, Mc Are you kidding me?! - Get him! - Oh boy.
Wow, that is a lot of robo-apes.
All right, that's enough.
The time has come, ninja.
You're about to be destroyed! Eh How are we gonna destroy this guy? Hmm.
Every once in a while, Viceroy.
Every once in a while.
Kind of in the middle of something! Hannibal! Mmm.
- Hannibal.
- Ruth.
- Ruthie! - Willem! - Ooh! - So, how'd you find us at this factory - nobody knew about? - Willem's McFist Friend status.
Mmm.
I'm totally gonna McSnapster pic that.
I'm sorry, honey.
She insisted.
Why are you playing with that ninja? Eh, because, well, truth is we went to college together.
As hmm, roommates.
"Deception is a blade that cuts both ways.
" It wasn't giving me the blade of deception, it was warning me not to lie.
Here's the truth, Ruth: McFist is an evil villain.
He makes weapons of ninja destruction and built this abandoned fudge factory to hide them from you.
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.
Hannibal? A villain? This bozo can't keep a fudge factory open.
I mean, fudge.
It's recession proof.
- Huh? - Put that ninja down.
We have a reservation at McFlubbusters.
I know how to score some free cake.
Hmm.
Oh, be nice.
She had a long flight.
- That I paid for.
- But he tried to destroy me! With the saw blades and the robots.
Smoke bomb.
Well, I learned a valuable lesson about lying.
If you do it, you might end up in a warehouse full of killer robots, giant saws, etc.
I learned a lesson too.
Eventually, you have to pay for the free cake.
'Sup, hungry peeps! Hizzle sizzle casting at you live from the ultimate flav fest, the Best Buds Tasting Competish.
Look out! Big tongue, coming through.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you, thank you.
Best Buds defending champs, eat it up.
Howard, you know who's not posing for pictures? Our competition.
They're hungry, Howard.
Literally.
Cunningham, relax.
I'm just giving their eyes a taste of what they came for.
Moments away from lick off, weiner-migos.
Let's review the rule-ios.
The feeder feeds, the taster tastes, points are pointed and the top teams move to the next round.
The top tasting team takes the title of Best Buds.
I must admit, I was rather surprised you wanted - to enter this contest with Bash.
- Marci says I have to bond with the boy.
And if we don't win that trophy, Mom says you have to take me camping! - Got a lot riding on this, Viceroy! - Mm-hmm.
And my nanopartical tongue sock will cheat you straight to victory, baby.
- I don't taste nothing.
- Viceroy.
Ap-uhl.
- Uh, apple? - Mm-hmm.
- Soup.
- Mah! What kind of soup? Alphabet.
And you know what it spells? Calm down.
I know you wanna win.
I wanna win, but Plantain.
Can't you have some fun too? No time for fun.
We need to warm up.
Warm up? I am never cooled off.
Hm.
OK, concentrate.
What kind of pepper did I just ram down your throat? You wanna win this? Dial in, baby.
Howard! Howard! Oh boy.
What have I done? The nurse says it could be hours till you can taste again.
- We're shoobed.
- And you stink at tasting.
- No.
I stink at tasting.
- Just hold down the fort and maybe I'll get my taste back.
No.
I gotta hold down the fort.
Maybe you'll get your taste back.
Quick, switch places.
Round one, Noodle-Rama! OK, pastafarians, on your mark, get set, what's in your mouth? Spaghetti.
Some sort of meat ball with garlic and basil! - Lick down, four points! - Yes! Super awesome! Mmm.
Oh.
Just a hint of and subtle notes there's a floral, yet earthy I have no idea! - I'm eating food.
- Yeah, I know you're eating food.
- What are you eating? - Uh To-ma-toes.
Ra-vi-ol-is.
Par-me-sian and or-eg-ano.
Are these words? Mm.
Mm-hmm.
OK.
OK, macaroni-ish but also butter-esque.
Melty and warm yellow.
I'm feeling yellow.
Lot of yellow.
Macaroni and cheese?! This is so hard.
Round onezo's donezo.
Say ciao to the losing chow hounds.
Two teams are tongue-tied for the lead while the reigning champs barely survived.
- Chew it or lose it, boys! - Ugh.
We are losing it.
We gotta chew it.
- And whose fault is that? - You're right, I should check the ninja Nomicon for for something.
That's not what I said.
Hmm.
OK, Nomicon, we're barely holding on out there.
What do ya got? "Sometimes the only way to push forward is pull back.
" Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Very helpful, for a paddling contest! I don't need lessons.
I need, like, super taste! Yeah.
Super taste, you got that, right? Come on, you're the Nomicon.
You gotta have something for this.
Clock is ticking.
Hit me with super taste.
I want super taste! Hmm? Hmm? Uh.
Well? Super taste.
- Super taste? - Super taste.
- Super taste? - Super taste.
Me thinks it's the medieval round.
Let's count down Roman style.
I-I-I.
I-I.
I.
Consumption! Porridge? What? That ain't a real thing.
The boy's a natural.
We're a lock! Mm-hmm.
I'm sure my invention has nothing to do with it.
Way to turn a "me" thing into a "you" thing.
Ah.
Mmm.
That is mutton in a broth of cabbage and salted herring with pickled barley.
The mutton was seared in hearth at 375 degrees.
The cabbage, organic.
The barley comes from a farm in West mmm, North Umberland.
You may have some competition after all.
Crank it, Viceroy! I do not sleep in a tent.
# Chew it or lose it # It's all about mind over mouth Feel your tastebuds come alive Chew it or lose it Prepare for launch, tasternauts.
The final round is Space Food.
Huh? Um, ew.
When did you sister get that zit? What's happening to me?! Three, two, one, blast off to planet yum! Tastes overwhelming.
It's freeze dried tofu.
Powdered pot roast.
Liquified broccoli.
- Ha! - Thinks he's gonna win, does he? We'll see about that.
Crank that tongue.
Crank it all the way! - It hasn't been tested all the way.
- All the way! All right, focus.
I've got a camping trip to not go on.
Hey, this is tickly.
Bad tickly.
Oooh! Yeee.
What's that? That's "all the way".
This isn't very fun.
It's a tongue-tastrophy! - Viceroy, stop that thing! - How am I supposed to do that? Tongue sock's out of control.
And it's hungry.
- I think it's ninja o'clock.
- No, it's ninja o'clock.
Time to fight somehow.
Ah.
My eyes, I felt that in my eyes! Whoa.
It's so nasty.
My senses are on overwonk.
Taste, sight, smell, hearing.
Feels like I'm forgetting one.
Touch.
I forgot touch.
That hurt so bad.
Ow.
Salsa, so spicy.
It burns! - Ninja! - Ah.
Milk.
So cool.
So cold.
I'm freezing.
- You're a mess.
- No, Howard, I'm a mess.
I have been ever since I yelled at the Nomicon.
You yelled at me too.
"Sometimes the only way to push forward is to pull back.
" I pushed Howard and I pushed the Nomicon too hard.
So it pushed back harder.
I think I have to pull back? - Are you OK? - I gotta be honest, I haven't understood a word you've said all day.
- Hmm? - Ninja body block.
Howard, my ninja super senses, I think I can control 'em.
Huh? Ninja block.
Ninja block.
Ninja block.
Ninja tentacle yank! Oh-hoo-hoo! This is the cheese! I can see better.
I can hear better.
I can smell that you haven't changed your underwear in three four days.
Hey! Thanks for saying that in front of everybody.
Hmm? Ha, ninja pepper pull! Ha! Tastes like victory.
- Booo! - Smoke bomb! Come on, Howard.
We can still win this thing.
Really? You're gonna start with that again? Uh, I mean, if you want if you want.
As the only team who stayed at their table, the new Best Buds are Stevens and food girl.
Yes! I'm so psyched! You made us lose! I'm telling Ma! - Hmph.
- What are you smirking at?! - You're coming camping with us.
- Uh.
But I hate the outdoors.
I know.
Howard, I'm sorry.
Thanks to me, we're not the Best Buds anymore.
We may not have won Best Buds, but we're always gonna be best buds.
That's so good.
That almost sounded sincere.
I know, right?! You know, I think my taste is finally back.
Maybe we should pop down to the bucket, start training for next year, huh? - Your treat? - It's always my treat.
And that's my treat.