Resident Alien (2021) s02e06 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Resident Alien" - What are you doing? - Sorry.
- I'm married.
- Sorry about that.
You're not getting your ball back.
I've hidden it where you'll never find it.
Where's Murphy? "If you ever want to see your dog again, return my alien ball.
" Ball! Who took it? We just picked up a signal Lines of encrypted code, but the signature is alien.
Seriously? What does it say? It's a phone number from New York City.
Demelio's Pizzeria, East 3rd Street.
Pack your bags.
We're going to New York.
Open up, it's me.
Harry.
- Sam? - I can't do this anymore.
It's gotten way out of hand.
All right, take it easy.
What's what's wrong? - - This is what's wrong.
Is this supposed to be some kind of threat? They sent me the same things Photos of Isabelle, Liza.
When we went to that charity thing in New York, they said that the money was for the clinic A donation, they called it.
Well, this doesn't feel like a donation anymore, Harry.
- Okay, you need to calm down.
- Calm down? I can't calm down! They're threatening our families! - We need to go to the authorities.
- And tell them what? Anything you say could also implicate us.
Is that what you want? We don't have any concrete evidence.
- We have the medical records.
- That's not enough.
We cannot cross these people without an actual plan.
Okay.
You keep bringing me the records, and I'll work on digging up some more proof.
Just give me a few months, okay? Sam, I promise.
Two months.
Sam Hodges was just here.
He's threatening to go to the police.
What do you want me to do? "Mayor Ben's Major Bomb.
" Man.
"Experiencing Ben Hawthorne's Family Day play, "you feel as if you're standing in a mine "holding a stick of lit dynamite, counting down the seconds until it's finally over.
" I don't read the "Patience Post," and neither does anyone else 'cause it's a garbage paper.
Yeah, well, maybe nobody else reads it 'cause you got all the copies here in your office.
The town deserves the truth, you know, not lies written by a girl I went to school with and hates me 'cause I'm great at times tables.
Uh, 6 times 5 is 30.
Still got it.
Yeah, you still got it.
But maybe, uh, you should keep reading, though.
- - Look at that.
Jessup is trying to build a five-star resort - to boost tourism.
- Great.
I'll get revenge on their mayor by stress vomiting in their Michelin star restaurant.
Well, man, not if it's your restaurant first.
I mean, the resort company's still in the scouting phase.
Who says it's got to be Jessup? That Grady property up on the ridge is already begging to be developed.
A resort? Huh.
Could be a great way to increase tourism, you know, get some money coming in.
Exactly.
More tourism, more revenue.
I can get that air fryer for the break room.
Health is wealth.
You understand? Yeah, I'll I'll poll the town, see if the idea resonates with people.
You know what? - That's a great idea.
- Yeah.
And you should also get a banner to fly all over Colorado that says, "Please steal our resort idea.
" Hmm.
Not sure the sarcasm is necessary.
Look, I'm sorry, all right? I'm just tired, you know.
Cletus is in this humping stage.
You know, I had to spend half the night defending my easy chair.
Speaking of, do you know anything about, uh, getting stains out of couch cushions? I mean deep stains.
No, you know anything about getting disgusting images out of my head? No.
Don't tell nobody about that resort idea.
It doesn't matter what clothes you wear.
You're still gonna be covered in that gross skin suit when you meet this alien.
You're just jealous because I discovered another alien who is my people, my real family.
You are just a distant cousin who lives in a mobile home.
Hey, cousins are real family.
I'm at least more family than that dumb land seal sitting next to you.
Do not talk badly about this beast.
When I give him treats, he is happy! When I give you shrimps, all you do is complain.
All I said was, "Could you serve them with a smile?" Mm.
Close the shutters.
Dark storm cloud is approaching.
- Ah, ha ha! - Eat shit, bottom-feeder.
We fly later tonight, but I maxed out my credit cards, so eat a lot before you go 'cause we can't afford food.
Money is not a problem.
We can just take some from the money bag.
Yeah, sure.
What the? Where the hell did you get all this money? It came with the house.
And there is one coupon for a free sundae at Mrs.
Peaches Ice Cream.
Do you know where I can find this Mrs.
Peaches? Harry, houses don't just come with duffel bags full of money.
What is this? Holy shit! It's Sam and the real Harry Vanderspeigle.
That is the daughter-child b-before her hair turned green.
Look, Sam wrote Harry a note.
"Harry, you wanted more evidence "against Galvan/Powell Group.
Here.
Call me.
" These are Sam's medical records.
What are they doing here? You didn't see this at the bottom of the bag? I got distracted by the coupon.
Who the hell is Galvan/Powell Group? Mm.
Okay, people do not just carry this much cash on them.
And and if they do, it's because they stole it or they were paid to do something illegal.
He was a bad man.
Yes.
Real Harry killed Sam, so maybe, uh, Galvan/Powell Group was behind it somehow? But why would anyone want to kill Sam? And why did Sam give Harry his medical records? And why do you have a dog? I'm a dog person now.
I was just looking at the call logs.
Did you know that there were three separate phone calls about a meteor a while back? Yeah, I think I know where you're going with this, and I'm not liking it.
Sir, I just think that we should consider that maybe it wasn't a meteor.
- Maybe it was a U - Deputy, no.
- F - Please don't.
Please.
- O.
- Damn it! You're supposed to be an officer of the law.
Sir, I just have a strong feeling in my gut here, and you always told me I should trust my gut.
Deputy, look, I appreciate mystical creatures, all right? I really do.
Well, except for mermaids.
You know, where they get off sitting up on the rocks all high and mighty, expecting you to ask them out on a date? I mean, why they so stuck up? I mean, if you have fish, you gonna smell all like fish, you understand? - Gross.
- Look, here is the deal.
You want to hunt for aliens? That's fine.
You do it on your time, not mine.
Yes, sir.
And so we're running just as fast as we can Holding on to one another's hand Trying to get away into the night And then you put your arms around me And we tumble to the ground and you say "I think we're alone now "Doesn't seem to be anyone around "I think we're alone now The beating of our hearts is the only sound" - Thank you, Ed.
- Wow.
Nice song.
Get in here.
What do you want? You want something that burns the chest or burns the throat? Actually, uh, I'm here in a mayoral capacity.
I need to borrow one of those ATVs tomorrow morning.
That doesn't sound very mayoral.
What's it for? Uh, well, I-I just need to update the, uh, Patience website.
Wanted to get a-a few pictures of the Grady property.
Oh.
Okay, great.
Well, um, I'm off work tomorrow, so I can take you.
No.
No, no.
No need to do that.
You know, I mean, I prefer to ride solo.
You know, bit of a bit of a lone wolf.
Like when you crashed your tricycle into the pond when you were seven? Uh, you pushed me down a hill.
Hey, good luck proving that in a court of law.
Anyway, um, there's only one ATV available at the Outfitters, and it needs to be driven by an insured driver.
And since they were stupid enough to insure This guy, I have to take you.
So pick you up at 10:00? Great.
Hello? What? I know you're in there.
Do not put that thing in here with me I'm trying to read.
Hello.
This is a home invasion! Why are you alone? Where is shit for brains? Did you get a divorce? Divorce is against my religion unless it's initiated by the man, which is why I'm never getting married.
That is good news for men everywhere.
I see that you have agreed to my terms.
You give me my ball, and I give you your dog back.
Funny story about the ball, really funny, actually.
Why do I feel like this is n-not going to be funny? Well, you know how Max - stole the ball from you.
- Mm.
I stole it from him.
And then somebody stole it from me.
Isn't that hysterical? What? Who stole it from you? Probably the government.
Crazy, right? Someday you'll laugh about it.
I'll take the dog now.
No! You will not have the dog! Hey, put me put me down.
- Oh, no.
- Yes! Yes, you should be afraid of what I will do to you.
That ball can do more than just grow hair all over your stupid fart friend.
I can control its energy.
I can turn you inside out! And then you will go to school - with your inside-out body! - Harry.
Turn around, you dummy.
Get away! No! Oh! 42! I-I-I Can't see.
I can Is it is it you, cousin? Yes, it is me.
I am here.
- You are going to be okay.
- No.
It's my time.
I've I've lived a good life.
Oh, you should've fed the dog before you put him in there with me.
No, you you cannot die! I'm sorry that I told you you were not my real family.
You had angered me by demanding that we watch home-improvement shows.
You live in water.
I mean, what do you care about breakfast nooks? I'm sorry! It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You have real family now i-in New York.
Go.
Find your alien For me.
I will never forget you.
It was an honorable death.
Honor my life by eating my dead body in a butter sauce with a a nice like, a really nice Chardonnay.
No! No! 42! No! You can't go! Stay with me! Stay with me! Breathe, damn you! Ha ha! This is awesome! This is awful.
Too many people.
The last island that had this many humans on it was Atlantis, and that did not turn out well.
That man has so many pigeon pets and not one of them is on a leash.
Okay, the hotel is this way.
Stay close.
This is a mean joke.
In order to find the one alien on Earth like me, I must wade through this sea of humanity.
If I had an alien ball, I could just turn them all to stone so they would stop bumping into me, or at least make them stink less.
Asta, why does this city smell like so many things ripening at once? You're not Asta! You Asta! Asta! - Asta! - Get over here right now! I told you to stay close.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Wow.
I forgot how awesome this is.
Yeah, right? Mr.
Grady used to let me train up here.
Yeah, my dad used to bring me up here when I was a kid.
Well, take a few more, and then we'll head up top where there's a real view.
Uh, u-up top? How are we gonna get up there? You're gonna love it.
Next! What can I get you? Um, I'd like two slices of pepperoni.
Anything else? And We were sent here.
We got a signal.
Does that mean anything to you? Hmm? You want something? Does an alien live here? I'll take one pepperoni slice.
One sausage slice.
One more pepperoni slice.
One more sausage slice.
I don't need this shit.
$34.
51.
Make it one more slice of sausage.
Harry.
Also, we would like to meet the alien, if you did not hear me before.
How many pieces of pepperoni did I order? You pay for your pizza, or you get out.
Of course.
Here, have some closet cash.
No! My God.
Oh.
Uh, um, you know what? Uh, go ahead, keep the change.
Thank you so much.
I didn't realize I had to teach you how to order food.
This is incredible.
Am I supposed to eat the plate? - No.
- Can I? Mmm, it's oiled.
Mmm.
I don't get it.
This is the number you got.
Something has to be here! I wonder if the number's for whoever had it before the pizza place.
They have to make that information public, don't they? What are you doing? Are you listening to me? It says "Goliath.
" How do you know that? Because it is written in my alien language.
Told you you could do it.
Ah.
Look at this view.
Worth it? Worth it.
Oh, thanks.
Shit, I didn't think of it.
I should've told you to bring Kate.
She would love this.
Oh, she, uh, took Max to her mom's for a couple nights.
Oh, Benny, all alone.
Let me guess, cartoons and cereal for breakfast, cartoons and cereal for dinner.
Ah, definition of a perfect day.
And with Kate gone, I don't have to worry about holding in my farts.
You don't fart around your wi What's the point of being married if you can't fart around your wife? Yeah, I don't do a lot of things around Kate.
What does that mean? No, I don't know.
Sometimes I just feel like I can't be myself in front of her, you know, can't do the things that I want to do.
I thought you guys were getting along great.
The way she talks about it, your house is all handcuffs and frozen dildos.
Oh, yeah, she was She was just kidding about that stuff.
No, she wasn't.
No, it's real.
And it lives inside me forever now.
It's little things.
I-I have this wall hanging that I-I want to put up in the living room, but she'd hate it, so it's been in the closet for six months.
Oh, that's messed up.
I mean, it's your house, too, right? Just do what you want.
If she doesn't like it, that's her issue.
It's not that simple.
Oh, shoot.
Gee, I didn't know things were like that for you.
I'm sorry that I kissed you that night.
I shouldn't have done that.
It was a shitty thing to do.
Sorry.
Ah, you couldn't help it.
I mean look at me.
Yeah, you're quite a sight.
So apparently Goliath is a famous street artist and a total recluse.
He's done a bunch of murals in the city.
But each time he does a new one, it appears overnight.
They've even nicknamed him "The Ghost of New York.
" That does not make sense.
Ghosts do not even have hands to hold a paintbrush.
Shit! Where? Where? Where? No, no, listen to this.
"Nobody's ever met Goliath, but countless people have tried.
" If nobody knows who he is, how are we gonna find him? Did that mural mean something? No, but aliens do not paint images on dirty walls for decoration.
Everything he does has a purpose.
Which is? I need to see all the murals.
Then I will know.
Okay, let's look up the next one.
- This way.
- Mm.
Mm.
All right.
If you could explain the events leading up to the call Well, I look up, and there it was, sailing across the sky.
Everything all right out here, Deputy? Yes, sir.
Mrs.
Plunkett was robbed last night.
I'm telling her about the UFO I saw.
I even got it on video.
Deputy.
- Deputy.
- Sir.
A word, please.
Excuse me.
Robbed? Yes, sir.
Mrs.
Plunkett was robbed of her sense of innocence that aliens don't exist.
Okay, now, you think police work is a joke, huh? You think this is a game.
What you think I got Willy Wonka tattooed on my ass 'cause it's a chocolate factory or something? I swear, everything I say goes in one ear and right out the other.
Oh, right now that'd be nice.
- Hey, hey.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Hold on.
Hold.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Deputy! Stay back, stay back! Hold on! Wait, wait! Hold on, Deputy.
Hold on.
Step back, I got this.
Get down, get down! Damn it, Deputy, I told you to stay back! Why would I stay back? Because I said so, that's why! You think this is a game? This is how people get killed! Get up, get your ass up.
Come over here.
I'm tired of this.
Okay, I think the real Harry Vanderspeigle received a large sum of money from the Galvan/Powell Group here in New York.
What? We are supposed to be looking for Goliath murals.
We are, I just I just need five minutes, okay? The botulin in the floorboards, the bag of money, the note from Sam to real Harry If this company is connected, I need to know.
I'm starting to doubt everything I ever knew about Sam.
- Fine.
- No, no, no, no.
No, no.
I have to go by myself, okay? If they are connected at all to Sam's death, they might recognize you, and it's way too dangerous.
Just stay here.
I'll be right I'll be right back! I must find Goliath.
He is as close as I can get to my home planet.
I do not know how much of my alien self I have forgotten.
Goliath will remind me of my true identity.
The murals will lead me to him and to myself.
Harry Vanderspeigle.
What the hell are you doing here? Son of a bitch.
Harry, what are you doing here? Why are you in New York? It appears this man knows Harry, but how? Is he a friend? An enemy? Are you listening to me, asshole? Not a friend.
I am drinking coffee and I am eating pie.
Mmm! I like pie.
It is like cake, but made with real food.
You were supposed to stay in Colorado and do your goddamn work.
So let me ask you again, why are you in New York? I wanted to see the home of "Law & Order.
" You think this is a joke? At least tell me you destroyed the medical records.
I destroyed the medical records.
Are you just saying that? You told me to say that.
- But did you do it? - You heard me do it.
I just said it out loud.
I'm talking about the medical records.
Yes, I told you I destroyed the medical records.
- So you did it.
- Are you're listening? I said it.
You are sitting right there.
Not said it, did it.
Did what? I am confused.
I need more pie.
It will help me think.
You have no idea who you are dealing with.
You are making a huge mistake.
Mm.
Hello.
You just missed a well-dressed man with a short memory.
I heard.
He was talking about the medical records that Sam gave to Harry.
Enjoy.
You ordered me pie? No.
How do you feel? Good.
Really good.
I feel a little wild, actually.
Maybe I don't like smashing my knee.
Sir, how do you like living on the edge? Huh? All right, we need to celebrate.
Yeah, I have beer in the fridge.
One beer Well, uh, half a beer.
Actually, I think it's open, but w-we could split it.
I hid joints in your closet in high school.
Maybe they're still there.
Uh, that's Max's room now.
There's-there's weed in my child's bedroom? Hope so.
Uh, uh, D'arc, you're, uh You're kidding, right? I couldn't get into the building.
Security was ridiculous.
That guy recognized you.
You must work for them.
Are you sure he didn't say anything else? - Anything about Sam? - He called me an asshole.
What are you doing? I am marking every one of Goliath's murals in the city so that we can visit them.
Wow, that's a lot.
Wait.
What? What do you see? It's just a bunch of dots.
Whoa.
Harry.
Mm.
What do you see? The constellation Ursa Major.
Goliath targeted locations throughout the city to form the night sky.
Each star is a mural.
The signal was not meant for just anyone.
Goliath meant it for me.
What does this mean? This star is Goliath's sun, my sun.
That is where we will find Goliath.
Someone here must be Goliath.
Um, you see anyone that looks alien to you? I do not see any humans.
Try to be inconspicuous, okay? Blend into the background, avoid attention.
Worry about yourself.
My lineage includes the superorder Octopodiformes.
Camouflage is in my DNA.
Care for a hors d'oeuvres? - Oh.
- Yes.
I will have all the d'oeuvres.
It's just one, sir.
No.
Uh Ow, ow, ow! Smooth.
Um, excuse me.
Hi.
Excuse me, can you tell us the name of the host? Yes.
It's Violinda Darvell.
Okay, um Oh.
Are you enjoying my home? I-I'm sorry I didn't know it was you.
I'm Asta.
This is Harry.
Tell us where Goliath is! This one isn't lacking conviction.
No, he lacks a few other things.
Mm.
Everything you need to know about Goliath is on the canvas.
There's nothing more I can tell you.
Evening, Deputy.
- Thanks for meeting me here.
- Yeah.
So what is this, huh? Let me guess.
You're upset with me 'cause I yelled at you earlier today, right? Maybe I shouldn't have yelled.
I'll admit that, but I told you I said, do not engage.
That's what I said What are you hey! What do you think you're doing? What is this shit? Okay.
This isn't about you yelling.
This is about why you're yelling, why you've been acting weird all summer.
You need to tell me what's going on with you.
We're not leaving until you do.
I told you why I was yelling at you 'cause I told you to stay back and you defied my orders.
Now uncuff me.
You know what? It is a nice night for froyo.
So I'm going to get some.
I'll be back.
Hey, hey, hey, Deputy.
Hey, I ain't playing around.
I ain't messing around.
You better uncuff me, damn it.
I'm not messing around either.
Don't you be putting your hands on your hips to me.
And you walking away with an attitude.
I cannot believe there's been weed in my kid's closet all these years.
It's awful.
I mean, it's tucked above the doorframe.
Your kid's short.
He wouldn't have discovered it for years.
Hopefully the next one eats her broccoli.
Mm, slow down.
There won't be a next one.
You sure about that? Your hot wife seems like she's perpetually in heat.
Well, an ovulation calendar helps with that.
I'm surprised she keeps track of that shit.
She doesn't.
I do.
Jesus Christ.
I thought I was a disaster.
Look, I'm not proud of it, but, I mean, come on, one kid is plenty.
Also, you are not a disaster.
Yeah, I am.
Look at me.
I'm sitting on your bed in your bedroom, smoking weed.
I haven't moved in 20 years.
You don't give yourself enough credit.
I wouldn't even be here right now if it weren't for you.
What are talking about? That night the kidnappers came, I was standing on the front porch, waiting for Mike to get there, and I thought, you know, "What would D'arcy do?" That's what I did.
Really? You saved my family, so I think you can definitely save yourself.
Live, laugh, love.
Wow.
I thought it was a really stupid sign, but now I get it.
The sign says a lot.
Hey you awake? How do we even know? I mean, Goliath could be any of these people.
It could be Violinda.
I am sure Goliath will be in alien form.
I will call him using my people's silent distress call.
It is not perceivable to human ears.
Okay.
- I think I perceived it.
- No.
What? Yeah.
It must not work because of my stupid human vocal chords.
I don't think he's gonna be in alien form.
Look at this.
Look at the year.
Goliath's been on Earth for more than a decade.
That's long enough to establish a presence, to create a life for himself, to become more human.
No.
Don't you see? Look at the painting.
Art is interpretive, so it takes how we feel on the inside and helps us to express it on the outside.
So whoever painted this feels pain loss, sadness.
Then why is he hiding from the world if he is in human form? Maybe he feels bad about who he is like you do, so he hides.
I'm not hiding.
I'm standing right here.
Where is he? He is nowhere.
Hey, hey, we're gonna find him, okay? Let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.
You stay here.
I'll cover the back, okay? This cannot be.
I came all the way here to find family, to find my people.
If Goliath is human, he is not my people.
How could I be so ignorant? This entire time I've been expecting to meet one of my kind, one of my people, and Goliath has already been contaminated by humanity.
I should just let my people come.
It has traces of Van Gogh, don't you think? His self-portrait era? I do not like paintings.
You might like it if you saw it breathe.
Your d'oeuvres are very flat.
It's LSD.
A hallucinogenic? They say Goliath believes acid helps you shed your human chains and experience art the way it was meant to be experienced.
I would - like to shed my human chains.
- Mm-hmm.
Took you long enough.
Mmm.
You said I could trust my gut when I was off duty.
Well, I'm off duty.
And I think there's something going on with you.
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Fine.
Six years ago, I lost my partner in D.
C.
He was shot and killed in the line of duty.
You happy now? Oh, no.
Sir, I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
And I'm sorry I yelled at you, but the anniversary was a while ago, and it always It messes with my head every time it comes around.
Can you unlock me now, please? Oh, God, sorry.
Thank you.
Now, if that'll be all, I'm gonna go home and be with my dad, okay? I like nights like this Real summer nights.
Summer's for kids, you know? Yeah.
His name was Jesse.
I don't know I was, like, 10 years old.
I had seen him around the neighborhood.
You know, he'd follow me around sometimes, but I never I never spoke to him.
And then one night, it was, like, 10:00, and, um there's a knock at the door, right? Now, you don't just go knocking on nobody door at that time of night, right? So my dad, he He answers the door with his service revolver behind his back.
And, uh And when he opened it up, it was this scrawny little kid standing there talking about, "Can Mikey come out and play?" I couldn't believe it when my dad said, "Yeah.
" So I went on out.
That was it, you know? From that day on, we was best friends.
We did everything together, you know, all through grade school, through high school.
Went through the academy together.
Everything was me and him.
I mean, he and I We were practically brothers for over 20 years, you know? I mean, this is somebody I laughed with until I cried and cried with until I laughed again, you know? And then, uh and then he's just He's just gone forever, you know? I just I don't understand grief.
Don't make no sense to me.
You know, you find a way to you know, to step over it and move past it, go around it, but that That emptiness, it don't ever go away.
I'm here.
You can talk.
It's okay.
It's my fault that he's gone.
I sent him up those stairs.
I told him to go that way.
No.
It's my fault that he's dead, and I just I can't I can't lose you.
I can't have nothing happen to you, Deputy.
If something happened to you You'd what? Kill me? Yeah, that's what I do.
I'd murder your corpse.
Nothing's gonna happen to me, okay? And nothing is going to happen to you, because I won't let it.
Oh Thank you.
Summers are for kids, you know? This drug seems to only affect men with mustaches shaped like tentacles.
I do not feel a thing.
Oh, shit.
Hi, excuse me, do any of you happen to know where I could find Goliath? Um Is that a no? I can see you're still searching for The Ghost of New York.
Come.
His paintings are completely unavailable, of course, legally, but I can give you a couple of names.
There is a robust black market.
I don't think you understand.
I don't need his paintings.
I need him.
They've become quite valuable.
I'd never sell one, of course, certainly not this one.
Goliath painted it for me.
Oh.
I think I'm okay now.
Ah! It wasn't just about art, though.
I think Goliath needed me.
Tell me How long have you known Harry is an alien? - You can go.
- All right, thanks.
What can I get you? What do you got? Aah! This is some bullshit.