See Dad Run (2012) s02e06 Episode Script

Oh! Hi.
So you guys are enjoying your play date.
Dad play date? Oh, yeah, um rockin' your dude hang.
That's right.
We're not a bunch of six-year-old girls.
- Hey, Mrs.
Hobbs! - Hey, Mrs.
Hobbs! Hi.
Need help with your bag? I'll be 12 in April, Mrs.
Hobbs.
I'm thinking about growing this out, Mrs.
Hobbs.
Guys dude hang.
Yeah Look who's suddenly the new hot mom in town.
Ah, come on, please.
Ya think? - Yo, David, you here? - Yeah.
Hey, listen, I'm gonna be in my mid-40s next month, Mrs.
Hobbs.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
Hey.
- Hey, hey, guess who just landed a job directing his first commercial.
Oh, Marcus, that's oh, look at you! Doing things without me! It's for the no ouch hairbrush for kids.
A hairbrush so easy that even dads can use it.
Now, if I just knew an actor and a dad.
Hmm Come on, Marcus.
You had me at hairbrush.
Of course I'll do your commercial.
Yes! Yes! I need Janie also.
I have a line for a little girl oh, man! You two would be perfect together.
Yay! I'm gonna be famous.
Just like you, daddy! Or even more famous like SpongeBob! First of all, that sponge is a one-trick pony, okay? He doesn't have near the acting range that I have.
Now listen to me, honey, you can't just pop out of a pineapple and become a star overnight.
Have you seen this face? Honey, you don't get things just handed to you in this business you have to work for them.
Which is why Uncle Marcus wants us both to audition for it right, Marcus? - No.
The part's hers.
- What Yay, me! Why'd you do that? David, don't make me audition a bunch of little girls.
It's like fending off a flock of hungry seagulls at the beach, except they all tap-dancing.
It's just too much, too much.
I teach my daughter you gotta work for things in life.
Man, you picked the worst time to be a good parent! Janie, honey, we rehearsed and rehearsed.
We are ready.
Now, the main thing is to just remain calm and confident until they call your name.
- David Hobbs! - What? I just got here! We're not even ready.
It's me, Doug! I was an extra on See Dad Run.
Remember? I was always the guy who was first in line for lunch and then you'd say, extras eat last.
Yeah.
And then we'd have that awkward moment, because I could never tell if you were joking or serious kinda like now.
Yeah! Who would've thought that you and I would be auditioning for the same part? Well, the thing is I'm actually not auditioning.
I'm just here to set a good example for my kid.
Well, she's got herself a great role model.
Well, good luck.
- Good luck to you, Sir.
- Okay.
- No more spinning, okay? - But spinning's fun.
I know it's fun.
You know what else is fun? Getting the job.
All right, Sweetie, now listen, we're gonna rehearse the line, okay? I say my line and you say Thanks, daddy.
No more tangles.
All right, you know what that sounded like? Thanks, daddy.
No more tangles! Bring it down a little bit.
Use your face a little bit Kevin? Uh David! I thought you were at Sci-Fi sleep-away camp.
What what Are you working for Marcus? Wow I'm torn between the horror of being caught in a lie and the delight that you actually took enough interest to remember my lie! Hey, David.
He knows, Marcus.
Oh, man, it's only for a couple of days.
You know, it doesn't mean anything.
What do you mean, it doesn't mean anything? I lied for you, Marcus.
To David! So, as class President, it's my sad duty to tell you that our petition to put healthy food in the vending machines failed to get enough signatures.
Again! Can I help you, Kate? Nope.
Just posting yet another story for my underground blog.
Carry on.
Moving on.
We'll be circulating another petition next month, so let's start now by making Our posters and flyers.
And passing out our Bananas.
Kate can't you blog about someone in your own grade? I could.
But you freshmen are so cute when you attempt to fight the man.
Emily oh, how do I put this? Perhaps my blog says it best: Emily Hobbs does the same thing every time.
She's totally predictable.
I could set my watch to her.
Predictable? Ha ha! Well, you can set your watch to a quarter past you're wrong! You guys don't think I'm predictable, right? No way! I mean, we just always know what you're gonna say.
- And what you're gonna wear.
- And do.
That's the exact definition of predictable.
Oh Then yeah.
You're totally predictable! You were adorable, just delicious.
I could take a bite out of you! Oh, thank you, Marcus, but Say something nice about Janie too.
- So what did you think? - Loved her.
Her? Please tell me you meant them.
I just didn't buy him as her father.
So unnatural.
So awkward.
We were looking for more of a David Hobbs type.
You do realize that was David Hobbs.
Yeah, but pfft! Was that a mouth fart? Did she just mouth fart David? It's okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, Kate.
Bet you didn't see this coming out of my closet.
Because I'm so not predictable, I'm a wild card capable of anything.
Except, perhaps, walking! You never know I may even pull ts fire alarm just for gigs Because I'm crazy like that.
- Emily! - Here comes Perino.
You'd better run.
He looks mad! Nothing makes me Happier than a dependable fire Marshall! And you set it off at exactly our scheduled time.
B-T-dubs, dear, the drama Department's gonna need that ensem back for tonight's performance of grease, Sandra Dee.
Boop! The show must go on! Hey, Mrs.
Hobbs! Hi, boys.
Ha ha ha.
- Mom - Well, it looks like your house is officially the cool place to be, huh? You must feel pretty good.
I was at first.
Then I heard my friends were watching a little movie from the '90s called bikini babes from planet hot? Starring Captain Belle E.
Button, AKA my mom? Ah, wow.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
So your friends Are here to salute the Captain.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
Uh-oh.
Cupcakes.
Janie didn't get the part? Oh, I hope they're chocolate.
Those are her favorite.
Ooh! Red velvet.
My favorite.
Thank you, Marcus.
I don't think this is gonna alleviate Janie's disappointment, but I'll enjoy them just the same.
David, um David, what the cupcakes are trying to say is Janie got the part.
- You didn't.
- Oh! Janie got the part! That's awesome! When do we start? She starts Monday.
Wait a minute, we're we're shooting on separate days? Yeah Marcus, I don't mean to tell you to do your job, but doesn't that make it unnecessarily complicated? Uh D-David, r-repeat after me.
- They - They.
- Did - Did.
- Not.
- Not - Want - Want.
- Me! - Oh, you got fired from your first directing job? I'm sorry.
That's gotta sting.
Sit down and tell me.
Come on.
So let me see if I'm understanding this correctly.
Janie got the part David didn't.
Yes! Yeah.
I-I hope you find this as funny as I did.
The client the client thought that you weren't believable as Janie's father.
- But I am her father.
- They're still trying to wrap their heads around that one.
They also said that You showed no chemistry with Janie.
No chemistry? Marcus, I am literally her father! It's been suggested maybe she's been adopted.
Mr.
Director! How's the commerc Uh-oh.
Red velvet.
You know, I think I left the upstairs oven on.
Amy, Amy, hang on a second.
Listen to this.
You know that Marcus's client, they wanted Janie but they didn't want me? Me.
For their stupid commercial me! - You? - Me.
Me, me, me, me, me! Me! They didn't want me! They said that me and Janie didn't have any chemistry.
How is that even possible? She's your daughter, David.
Is she, Amy? Is she really? I knew it would get all kinda crazy in here.
Let's go to the audition tape.
Wow, this brush is painless.
For both of us.
Ouch! Ouch! - That's not your line.
- But you're hurting me.
- This is a no ouch brush.
- Then stop ouching me.
You wanted to be a star, now suck it up and power through.
You know what? It doesn't matter.
She's not gonna want to do the commercial without me anyway.
Janie, come here for a second.
I want to tell you something.
Listen, honey, I've got some good news and some news that's gonna make the good news seem kinda pointless, okay? Okay.
What's the good news? Well, the good news is you got the commercial.
- Yay! - Okay.
Yay! And now the bad news is, um daddy didn't.
Oh - Daddy? - Yes.
Will you have them put a spinning chair in my dressing room? They're fun! Okay.
I followed your cryptic text to arrive at 6:00 A.
M.
to and I quote Have my mint blonde.
I meant mind blown.
Stupid auto-correct.
Well, in that case, good-bye.
Fine.
But you're gonna miss out on a hot story for your blog.
Emily Hobbs replaces vending machine junk food with healthy alternatives.
Boom! I'm going rogue, Kate.
I'm breaking in.
Wow.
You're breaking in with a set of keys.
Well done, you! All right, all I gotta do is get this food out of here.
Dang it! Uh I'm gonna need you to buy the keys and get me outta here.
Put it in and click A-7.
Oh! Wah-hoo! A-7.
I said A-7! Oh! Right.
Relax.
I have an idea.
Clearly my idea didn't work.
Ha ha ha ha! Oh, that is so funny! I am glad you didn't say banana.
Oh, sit down here.
Oh, there you go.
Do we have chemistry, or what? Hey, Marcus, how's it going? - The client's not here yet.
- Oh, please.
I'm secure enough in my relationship with my daughter.
I don't have to prove anything to anybody.
There's the client.
Okay, let's do our patty-cake routine, okay? Ready? Patty-cake, patty-cake, Baker's man.
Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
Okay, hey, hey, hey.
There's a nice spread over at craft service.
Why don't you go get a bite to eat? Okay.
I'll bring Janie with me.
Come on, baby, hop on my shoulders like you do.
Come on, come on.
There we go, come on.
- All right, up you go.
- Oh, oh, oh okay.
- There we go.
- Up you go oh, okay - Oh - All right - I got her.
- Oh, you got her? - I got her.
- All right, all right Oh, oh, there we go.
Yep.
All right.
Okay.
Good.
That was fun, right? - Wow! - So much fun.
- Woo! - Woo! Hey, you know what? I gotta take her to makeup now.
- Okay? - See you later, daddy.
Okay.
That was excellent.
Oh Hey! Look who it is.
Hey, b uh, f t Stu wh What what is it what is it - Doug! - Doug! Right, Doug, yeah.
- What are you doing here? - I got the part.
Boop! What part? Of the dad.
To your daughter.
Can you believe it? I guess they thought I was a better you than you.
Ooh, hey, listen I don't wanna be that guy, but I think this table's just for the talent.
I think that one's for the stage moms.
Okay! David.
I had a feeling this would happen.
In my left pants pocket there's a bagel Lox and cream cheese.
In the right, there's a yogurt parfait.
Meet me in the men's bathroom, second stall.
We'll make the exchange.
The password is honey mustard.
Kevin I will never be that hungry.
Why did I listen to you? Everything was fine before you came along and accused me of Predictable.
- Stop it! - Stop it! And what do we have here? Mr.
Perino, I can explain No, no.
No need to.
It's obvious.
Lady Kate dragged you in here against your will! Wait.
How do you know it wasn't me dragging her against her will? Emily That is so like you, taking the fall for a fellow student.
Brava.
Look, Mr.
Perino, don't let her fool you.
This is all my fault.
Don't you dare take credit for this.
This is my fault.
Well, whosever fault it is, Kate Vandalizing this machine is grounds for expulsion.
- Kate.
- Wait, uh Maybe we're not vandalizing the machine.
M-maybe the machine is vandalizing us! Taking our bodies hostage with its artery-clogging and trans-fatty junk food.
We deserve some healthier options! This, Sir, is a protest! That that's right! We're protesting.
Protest, protest Protest, protest! - All right, - all right, all right! - Protest, protest! Quiet! Well, Emily, you have finally seemed to have reached your constituency.
At our next school board meeting, I'll suggest we add a second machine with healthy snacks! All right, everyone.
Back to class, come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Well, that was Unpredictable.
I was gonna say nuts.
But thank you.
All right, let's get you two out of there.
Aah! In retrospect Probably should have called the janitor on this one.
It's really cool of all you guys - to come over and hang out.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Is your mom here? - She is, actually.
She'll be out any minute.
Mmm hi, boys! Mrs.
Hobbs? You look so different.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Looks like you caught me without my makeup on.
Mom, why don't you give them the Captain Belle E.
Button salute? Oh, sure, sure! Anything for my fans! Greetings, earthlings.
Welcome to planet hot.
Uh see you tomorrow, Joe.
Bye! That's for being gross, mom.
Oh, anything for you, Joe.
Now, come here and give your mom a kiss.
No way! Ugh! Please, please? Come here! Come back here! I just love their chemistry.
Come on.
He's feeding her chocolate.
She'd pull my cell phone out of a toilet for a piece of chocolate.
Theoretically.
Okay, all right, Sweetie, come on.
Need you to focus now for Uncle Marcus, okay? Okay? You might want to ease up on the candy a little bit.
It's okay, Dave.
I got this.
Oh, yeah, okay.
You're gonna be great, Sweetie.
Okay, Marcus, lighting's a go and, uh so's that pot sticker in my left pocket.
Okay, people, let's shoot one.
- Let's roll camera.
All right, you two, let's have some fun! - All right, fun! All right! All right, and Action! Wow.
This brush is painless For both of us.
Wow this brush is painless.
For both of us! Thanks, daddy, no more tangles.
All right And cut! You okay, baby girl? What, what, what is it, baby? - What's the matter? - I don't wanna do this anymore.
Look, I know it's weird with the bright lights and everybody staring at you, but The upside is the bright lights and everybody staring at you.
- That's not it.
- Well, what is it? I'm supposed to call him daddy, and he's not my daddy.
No, he's not.
He's stinky butt.
Acting is pretending, Sweetie.
So you just have to pretend.
And you just know that your real dad is gonna be right over there the whole time.
- Promise? - Promise.
Go ahead.
Go.
And that's what you call chemistry.
All right, people.
Let's shoot this.
Ready, and Action! Wow! This brush is painless For both of us! Thanks, stinky butt.
No more tangles!