So Help Me Todd (2022) s02e06 Episode Script
Is The Jury Out?
1
Previously on So Help Me Todd
- Chet and I are having another
- Baby.
A baby!
Patty, you are on a
date with a murderer.
Again?
I rest my case.
JUDGE MELANIE:
All right, thank you. Bailiff?
If you would escort the jurors
to the deliberation room.
We appreciate your time
on this case, thank you.
It looks like closing
testimony wrapped at 4:47
Gillian, this is the hard part
the waiting but you were brave
and articulate, and
we have a good chance.
Thank you, everyone else, thank you all.
This concludes the
final day on this case.
My whole life is in
those 12 people's hands.
But the jury's deliberations
have just begun.
(GAVEL BANGS)
DICK (ON RECORDING): You
got to choose, every second
of every day, to be a detective.
You got to think about
how you spend your time,
how you live your damn life
- Hey, Todd.
- Hey.
- You going home?
- Uh
What are you doing tonight?
There is a fireworks thing at Oaks Park.
Uh, yeah, sorry.
I actually got a big
family dinner, so
Oh, well, maybe this weekend?
Laser Floyd in the OMSI Planetarium.
Uh, no no.
No can do. I'm just focusing on work.
Zeroing in on some career goals.
Oh, right, "Portland's number one P.I."
Yeah, I saw your flyer.
In the trash can at the Rose Gardens.
Anyway, thank you for the invite.
- Yeah.
- Uh, another time.
Maybe or Okay.
maybe not.
- DICK: There can be no distractions.
- Yeah.
- No distractions.
- All right, bye.
It was a nice cross with the dean.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
Strong closing remarks.
Yeah, but was it enough?
Which way do you think they'll go?
I don't know. Your
client is sympathetic.
But I think I have stronger evidence.
Could go either way.
Maybe.
You know he came to me first?
I know.
And I'm surprised you
didn't take him on.
Well, I didn't like him.
He's got deep pockets.
If what I'm hearing
about your firm is true.
Mm-hmm.
I guess my pesky morals
got in the way again.
And Gillian, oh.
I felt really strongly about her case.
Mm, I've had those moments, too.
You have a good night.
- You, too, Dorothy.
- Mm-hmm.
FEMALE VOICE: Hello?
(RUNNING FOOTFALLS)
(PANTING)
- Are you Margaret Wright?
- Yes.
I I'm here to testify. I'll do it.
Testify for what?
- Who are you?
- I got your letter.
About the Oregon City College case.
- And I'll do it.
- Gillian's case?
But the-the trial is over.
We're done, we-we just
finished. The jury is
Okay, all right.
Okay, um
Wait, wait, wait. What is your name?
When did you get my letter?
Um, no. No, no, no. No,
never mind. Thank you, no.
MARGARET: It was the strangest thing.
And I have no idea who she was.
But do you think she has any
information about the case?
Well, e-even if she
does, it's-it's too late.
The jury is in deliberations now.
And it's practically
impossible to reopen a trial.
Sorry, this is the college defamation
case with the gross professor?
Yeah, he offered her an
internship in exchange
for, um, inappropriate favors.
Quid pro gross.
She reported the incident
and no one believed her, of course.
So she bravely called him out on TikTok,
and now he's suing her for
defamation. I mean, it's just,
- it's awful.
- PATTY: Oh, I don't know.
I wouldn't say that TikTok is awful.
I just opened my own account,
PattyJam6005-lowercase-B.
And what I'm seeing,
on all my little feeding streams,
is one video of one woman
making one ham sandwich.
Is that all TikTok is?
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- No, I think it's just more
of one section of TikTok.
CHET: And I heard that the college
barely investigated her claims.
They just tried sweeping
it under the rug.
And meantime, her scholarship,
her bank accounts and
her future career are all in jeopardy.
So he's claiming that her
TikTok defamed his public image?
So that's what TikTok
is about, defaming?
So then that one woman is
defaming her ham sandwich? I
That's No.
- Oh, look who it is.
- Hey, Lawrence.
- Mr. Robot.
- (OVERLAPPING GREETINGS)
- Hello.
- Hi, Papa.
Hi, Clem.
What is this ominous balloon for?
Oh, it's real. Okay.
I thought my retina had detached.
It's a gender reveal balloon.
- I'm sorry, it's a what?
- Ah, for the baby?
Seriously? A balloon? I
thought for gender reveals
you were supposed to,
like, burn down a farm.
This is so bougie and heteronormative.
Allison, try not to
belittle your brother
- I'm not belittling him, I'm just saying.
- Fine.
Okay, we wanted to
share this information
with you all in a fun way,
like a normal couple would.
- You and Chet are a normal couple.
- Well, Chet is a normal.
Wait, but do you know what it is?
Okay, then just tell us rather than
I'm going to pop this now.
- Okay, he wants to do this.
- Now, please.
- This is fun.
- Is it?
(SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
God.
It's, it's green.
Which means?
You're having a frog?
It would seem that they
gave me the wrong balloon.
Oh, babe.
My mashed potatoes are
full of gender reveal.
And the baby?
Well, Clem?
I get a little brother!
(ALL CHEERING, CLAMORING)
MARGARET: A boy.
- I've always wanted a boy.
- What?
Oh, Clem, having a baby brother
is the absolute best
thing in the whole world.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, it's, it's the clerk at court.
At this hour?
Uh, I should take it in
the bedroom. Here, Todd.
- Yep, yep.
- Oh, congratulations, Lawrence.
Oh, thank you.
Okay. I am going to de-frog
myself in the bathroom.
Hey, Clem, you're gonna be
a big sister just like me.
We should have a sleepover to
celebrate. We can watch Frozen.
- Or do some nails?
- Or we can do nails.
ALLISON: And we can make a volcano
and we can blow some stuff up.
- Wouldn't that be so fun?
- And where would you do this?
(STAMMERS) Uh
I don't know, I guess at Todd's.
Uh, no, Clem isn't going near Todd's.
She hasn't had her
final vaccinations yet.
Okay, well, I'm sure Mom
would let me do it here.
Why are you resisting this?
I'm offering to babysit.
It's just that I'm not sure that your
I'm not sure that your current lifestyle
is appropriate for Clem to be around.
My current lifestyle?
What does that mean?
We can discuss it later. Maybe.
Clem, hey, let's go
show Daddy what you made.
(SCOFFS) Okay.
Oh, Al-pal.
I'll have a girls' night with you.
Just two sexy ladies with some
catalogs and some milkshakes, woo-hoo!
(LAUGHS)
But I won't watch Frozen, no.
It's too real.
Too close, can't do it.
They were deliberating this late?
And-and-and they have questions.
Okay. No, all right, all right.
I'll be at the courthouse
first thing in the morning.
All right. Okay, thank
thank you.
Hey! What the ?
Lawrence, uh
what is going on?
Why are you turning on all of the ?
Are you gonna kill me?
Is it true that you're now operating
a private detective agency
within Mother's law firm?
- Yes.
- And your business is separate from hers?
You don't report your clients
or income to anyone there?
- Yes.
- And you can keep your work confidential?
Yes.
Then I have a job for you.
Find out if he's gay.
What?
♪
Thank you for coming.
I know it was somewhat short notice.
The jurors were here
until 9:45 last night,
and they have some requests.
Juror number seven is
requesting an early release.
It's her daughter's wedding tomorrow.
Juror number seven? I
am inclined to say no.
Margaret, come on,
her daughter's wedding?
She's gonna turn on you if you keep her.
All right, yes.
Yes. Release her.
And the jury has asked
to have Hank Jennings'
testimony re-read to them,
which I am inclined to grant.
Thank you, Counsel, that's all.
Tough break.
I think you had juror number
seven. But the alternates.
No, they they don't
like me or Gillian.
I can tell from the
looks on their faces.
And re-reading the lab
partner's testimony?
Doesn't bode well.
All right, you too. Take care.
How'd it go?
What happened?
We're losing.
I'm losing. My God.
Why am I the one getting punished
- when I didn't do anything wrong?
- Gillian.
Nothing happened yet.
We are not losing.
You know what?
Let me make a quick phone call.
All right.
- Mom?
- Todd, this may be pointless,
but I want you to look into that
mysterious girl from yesterday.
Well, I thought that case was closed.
Also I'm in the middle
of something, so I can't.
In the middle of what?
A nap? A meal? A disaster?
Hey, my contract with
you allows me to take on
outside clients, and
this one is confidential.
"Confidential"?
I don't remember
agreeing to confidential.
Then I am setting
some healthy boundaries
and this is a private
matter. Call Lyle. Guh-bye.
Hey, Lawrence?
Hey.
- What, are you following me?
- Yes. It was very easy.
Turns out, you're the only
lumbering robot on this street.
Do you have an answer for me?
Not yet, but what is going
on with this situation?
Are you trying to get with this guy?
You're using me to have
some sort of affair?
'Cause, look, you got
very lucky with Chet.
- You don't want to risk
- I'm not.
Okay, okay.
Great, not cheating.
So I did some preliminary digging,
and he's a local judge.
Which I assume you already knew.
But why do you need to know if he's gay?
Can't you just ask him?
- I mean, what's the big deal?
- No.
Do not ask him if he's
gay, absolutely not.
That's the one thing you cannot do.
Okay, wow, all right.
I knew this was a bad idea.
Look.
If you can't help me, I will
find a real detective who can.
No, no, hey, I can do it. I can.
Lawrence, I'll find out.
Ah, perfect timing.
All right, of the 184
letters we sent out
in search of information
on Gillian's professor,
36 people never responded,
and five of those were women
- between the ages of 18 and 25.
- Mm-hmm.
One, two, three, four.
No, no, none of those are her.
She was, um, my height,
and dark reddish hair.
- Very pale.
- Oh, uh
The fifth woman, Clara Wilkins,
has no online photos
and no Internet presence.
Well, that is unusual for
a college student today.
But she does have a P.O.
box in her name in Hillsboro.
Let's just go out there
and see what she knows
about Gillian's case.
Todd, you got to be kidding me.
Stealing a judge's trash has got
to be some sort of federal crime.
Come on, it's trash.
And why do you need me?
But more importantly, why
are we doing this down here?
Secret assignment. Top secret.
And I need a woman's opinion.
- Okay, so
- (SIGHS)
Okay, okay, okay.
Empty instant ramen cup?
- Straight.
- What?
Um Ooh, Popsicle stick? Gay.
Why is a Popsicle stick gay?
I don't know. Summer,
tank tops, Popsicles,
pride parade, crafts.
This is ridiculous, and reductive.
Believe me, I know, but
I got to start somewhere.
Okay, let's see. Um
Okay. Uh, hair? Is this hair?
- Wait, he cuts his own hair?
- Oh.
- Straight.
- No, wait, no wait, oh.
- These are actually just feathers?
- Okay, gay.
From a discarded down jacket?
- Straight?
- Ugh, this guy's all over the place.
I really have to crack this.
Hey, what's going on over here?
Do I know this woman? She's
giving me a really weird look.
Oh, no. Well, I mean, maybe.
But the googly eyes are for me, not you.
- She wants to, uh, "date me."
- Wait.
Is that why you brought me down here?
So you can make googly eyes back at her?
No, no, no, no. I am not
in that headspace right now.
And I'm not interested, okay? I'm a
- Lone wolf.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
I heard you muttering
that in the elevator.
I was alone in that elevator.
No, you were not.
You know, you should go
for her. She-she's cute.
Hey, you don't have to
matchmaker me into a match
just because you are blissfully
married and happy now.
Aww, and you will be,
too, someday. Mwah.
- (LAUGHS)
- Okay, okay. Um
(MOUTHING)
- TODD: Back into the judge's trash.
- (MOUTHING)
Okay, here we go.
Candy bar wrapper. Dark
chocolate, almonds
mint?
- Bi.
- Asexual.
- What? Are you joking?
- Almonds and mint?
No, that's three things.
Is trisexual a thing?
MICAH: They have those
peppermint sticks.
- I know you like them.
- No, no candy.
Oh, come on. Just one, please?
Micah, no.
Excuse me, Clara Wilkins?
Uh, w-what are you doing
here? How did you find me?
Whoa, uh, it's important.
Do you have something
that you want to share
about Professor Madden?
Micah, go wait in the truck.
Now.
You-you said that the trial was over.
I know, I know, and technically, it is,
but if Professor Madden
wins this defamation suit,
Gillian will be bankrupt,
and it will destroy
any future career
opportunities that she may have.
She needs all the help she can get.
Would you be willing to just talk to us?
No. No, no, I-I can't
talk to anyone, I don't
Clara.
If you know something that
is integral to this case,
it is your duty as a
citizen to come forward.
I could subpoena you, and
legally, you would have to
No, don't. That would ruin my life.
Clara.
(SIGHS)
I've got her plates.
Should be easy to track her from there.
- Good.
- But Margaret,
to what end are we pursuing her?
If the trial is over, then
The jury is still out, Lyle.
- It's not over yet.
- (PHONE BUZZES)
It's Francey. Court wants
you back immediately.
Maybe they've reached a verdict.
Well, this is a delight, Todd.
You taking your sad old
spinster aunts out to lunch.
I'm not a
Why are we eating at the courthouse?
Well, Mom loves the shrimp salad here
and there's tons of cute lawyers around.
Maybe you might meet
someone. You never know.
Oh, that's true. I've met a number
of incarcerated gentlemen
through the judicial system.
Coco, Hammer, 5-Knife-Lick
You dated someone named "5-Knife-Lick"?
Oh, he was very, very shy,
and I'm not sure I appreciate your tone.
Who are you currently dating?
No one. I
- I didn't mean
- Okay, but wow.
Hey, there's a cute guy over there.
No, no, no, no, not-not there.
Right there, right there.
No, no, not him. Him.
That guy. That guy.
Yeah, he looks nice and cute.
Why don't you go over there
and talk to him, Allison?
Or Patty? Or anyone?
What is going on? Are
you prostituting us?
You're prostituting us?
This is gross and weird. I'm leaving.
Try your skeevy shenanigans
with some other nutcase.
(BLOWING NOSE)
(SNIFFLES)
Hello. Is this seat taken?
Oh, I love your lunch. (CHUCKLES)
What a day, huh?
So many courts, so many rulings,
people being executed, it's so exciting.
TODD (OVER EARBUD):
T-try something else.
Entice him. Beguile him.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You know, I happen to own an island.
It's off the coast,
in the Pacific, it's
Magic Crystal Island.
It's full of beautiful
waterfalls and badgers and
What are you saying?
It's like a nicer Ecuador, it's
Hi. Hello, there.
Um, I'm new here,
and
this courthouse is so big,
and I was wondering if you could, maybe,
show me to the, um, jury room?
I'm not allowed to speak to jurors.
Oh, oh, are you a judge?
I'd love for you to render my verdict.
No? Céline Dion?
(SIGHS) What is with that guy?
Hey, do you know
anything about that guy?
- GUARD: Oh, yeah, Judge Spinks?
- Mm-hmm.
Thinks he's so cool 'cause the
governor wanted to talk to him.
(SCOFFS) Big deal.
Yeah.
Big deal.
Huh.
After two days of deliberations,
I've been informed by the
jury that they are deadlocked.
11 to one. Now
Is that 11 for or against me?
They don't tell us which is which.
JUDGE: There will be no mistrial.
I am not wasting this
court's time or money.
You will keep deliberating.
There is no deadlock, no gray area.
You must pick a side.
Either guilty or not guilty.
Now I will send you
back into the jury room.
And if you need any testimony
You want to find a
way to reopen the case.
- Yes.
- but you need to come to a decision.
We are going to subpoena Clara Wilkins.
So, it would seem our friend Adam Spinks
is up for a state
supreme court appointment.
Uh-huh? Thank you very much
for trusting me with that información.
Now tell me why it matters if he's gay.
There are seven judges on
the state supreme court.
- Mm-hmm.
- And two of them, by complete random chance,
happen to be gay.
Then, the Honorable
Edna Lewis recently
- became a lesbian.
- What, like, through magic?
Now, the governor has to
fill a vacancy on the court,
and her more conservative
constituents
Ugh, I hate that word. It
sounds like voters with stitches.
are concerned that,
if the new judge is gay,
then the gay agenda
will have a majority.
And will do what, make culottes
and square dancing mandatory?
The governor is up for reelection.
Okay, so now's the perfect time
to start discriminating,
or reverse discriminating?
- Or reverse-reverse discriminating?
- (STAMMERS)
Last year, the governor appointed
a very moderate judge to a
different court in Ashland
- Mm-hmm.
- and that judge took a hard right turn
and began supporting extremely
homophobic legislation.
And then, of course, got
caught on a gay hookup site.
Oh, I remember that. His
username was ChamberLord.
It was humiliating for the governor.
And if I want to stay in her good graces
and get her endorsement
when she retires,
I need to fully vet Spinks.
No surprises this time.
Okay, yes, look, so
I can get your answer,
but I need to borrow your car.
Yes, to tail Spinks.
And your car is ?
Allison took it. Hers got booted again.
- What is going on with her?
- I know.
- She's spiraling into a chaotic black hole.
- Total mess.
We're the good ones now.
- Can you believe it?
- No, I wouldn't go that far.
What Okay, so give me your car.
No. No way. I drive a
government-sanctioned vehicle.
Okay, well, if you want me
to go out and out your judge,
I'm gonna need some wheels.
You're making this very difficult.
You are the one who is
working against your own kind.
I mean, if he's gay and
he doesn't get the job,
isn't that precisely homophobic?
It is not homophobic. It's politics.
Well, do you think he's gay?
I mean, don't you have,
like, gaydar or whatever?
I'm I'm not even really gay.
Just forget this whole thing.
MARGARET: This can't
be where Clara lives.
In an old community center?
Could be a nonprofit.
Can I help you?
Ah, yes. I'm Margaret Wright.
I'm looking for Clara
Wilkins. Is she here?
Is she in trouble?
- Uh
- Clara!
Yes, Mother.
These people are asking for you. Why?
- What's going on?
- LYLE: Clara Wilkins,
- you have been ser
- Selected,
as a winner for a-a beauty makeover
from your local radio station
KOLP. Congratulations.
We don't allow cosmetics
in our community.
- Oh.
- (LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS)
Micah! Stop playing with the girls.
Uh, well, we're so
sorry. We had no idea.
We'll just show ourselves the way out.
Is this the way?
I'll point them in the right direction.
I'll be right back, Mother.
This way.
Clara, I am so, so sorry.
Had we known that you were
part of such a strict community,
- we never would have
- If anyone finds out
that I've been taking college
classes, I'll be disowned.
Education goes against your beliefs?
For girls, it does.
Where do they think you
are when you're at school?
The market, groceries, laundry.
My family wouldn't
understand my choices.
Not even your mother?
She wants
they all want a very
specific life for me.
I know how that feels.
Well, Clara, I am very sorry.
We will find another way. Thank you.
You're right about Professor Madden.
He's a bad person.
I was reading in a private room
when I heard him ask
Gillian to touch him.
He said that he would
give her an internship.
And she said no,
and then he tried to block
her from leaving the room.
- Oh, Clara.
- And he said bad things to me, too.
So when I got your letter, I
You wanted to help Gillian,
but the personal risk is too great.
And yet you came down to that
courthouse that day to find me.
Gillian is still in danger,
and we have very little time left
before this trial is truly over.
We cannot let Professor Madden win.
Clara, you are going to school now.
You are studying things,
you are improving yourself.
Maybe there's a part of you
that wants to be out of this life.
Could I, um,
could I talk to the judge
without anyone knowing?
You would do that?
Yes.
I'll see what I can do.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
You know, you didn't
have to come with me.
I am not leaving you alone
to eat snacks in my car.
They're Funyuns, okay?
They're fun onions.
Which store are we watching?
Well, he's parked right here
so he's likely over there,
in the Outback Steakhouse,
or the American Girl doll store,
or Hooters,
or Calico Corners fabric shop,
or, you know, down at Home Despot.
If you had been quicker in the bathroom,
we would have seen him.
And it's Home Depot.
No, no, they changed it to Home
Despot, like, six months ago.
That seems like a big marketing mistake.
What did you mean when you said
you're not really gay?
(SIGHS)
Well, all I do is work.
17, 18-hour days.
And when I'm home, if I'm home,
- I'm doing laundry.
- Mm-hmm.
Clem has, like, 600 socks,
and none of them have a match.
And Chet and I are too tired
after work for any kind of
You can skip that part.
So, what about this life is gay?
How am I gay?
Why does it matter if I have that label?
All I am is a working,
busy, tired father.
Yeah, who sleeps in bed at night
with a man he's married to. You're gay.
Well, I don't feel gay.
I'm not skipping around
or listening to Metallica,
or wearing lederhosen,
or going to Croatia,
or driving around in a convertible
with bubbles flowing out over the top
What? What are you
saying? Bubbles? What?
Lawrence, being gay isn't only one thing
or-or-or one way of life.
Gay could be anything.
I mean, you could be you gay.
You could be Croatia gay
If gay can be anything,
then isn't it nothing?
Who cares if anyone is gay?
Aren't we beyond labels now?
Why do I have to be gay?
The whole thing is pointless.
I mean, all I care about
is Chet and Clem's health and happiness
and paying the utility bills on time.
(PHONE BUZZES)
- It's Mom. Should I
- No, don't answer it.
- Should I not?
- No.
- Well, why don't I just
- Do not answer it, Todd.
- Eh, I'm gonna answer it.
- Don't, don't
- Don't answer it.
- Hey, Mom?
Uh, Todd, I found her.
She's part of a fundamentalist
religious sect in Hillsboro.
- Is she gonna help you?
- MARGARET: I think so.
I'm working on it, but, Todd, I'm
I'm having doubts about
pushing her into something
that could destroy her.
Todd, let me ask you something.
I didn't ruin your sister's life, did I?
I mean, am I the reason
that Allison is flailing?
No, she's just
Look, Allison is in
transition, you know?
She was in one life that
she was maybe forced into,
and now she's changing
lanes, and that's bumpy.
MARGARET: She never wants to see me.
She shows up at the opera
dressed like an inebriated yoga teacher.
I think she's seeing someone
but she won't tell me who.
Yeah, you know who else
is a mess? Lawrence.
Be kind to your brother.
He may not be as bright
as you or your sister
but he means well.
Although I do have to talk to
Chet about the way he dresses.
Oh, some of those communist
suits are so stiff.
Oh, oh, oh.
- MARGARET: Who is that?
- Mom, Mom, Mom,
- I gotta go. Bye. There's a fire.
- What's going on, Todd? Fire?
Once again, if you'd been
focused on the task at hand,
we would have seen which
store he came out of.
TODD: You know, you think
you're so cute with all that,
but you're not quite as bright as me,
are you, in your communist suit? What?
LAWRENCE: Wait, what is he doing?
TODD: What is he
- What is
- What is that?
TODD: What is he wearing?
What is he putting on?
- Is that Is he putting that on his head?
- What is he holding?
- TODD: What-what is that?
- LAWRENCE: Wait, that's-that's strange.
- What is he doing with that?
- Oh, my God.
- You need to relax.
- That is disturbing.
TODD: But what is going
What That is disturbing.
Follow that milk carton.
Yeah.
And that's when I went
to go find Ms. Wright.
Thank you, Clara, for
sharing your story.
I appreciate you coming in.
Good job.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Okay,
so, off the record, I
think we can all agree
this guy's a scumbag, but what
are we going to do about it?
The testimony should be admitted.
This courageous young woman
is putting her well-being on the line.
She's risking being
disowned by her community
to do the right thing.
That is awful, but the law is the law.
Opening the case, adding in a witness
at this midnight hour would place
an inordinate amount of weight
on Clara's testimony for the jury.
Why are we here if not
to defend the truth?
Dorothy, Melanie, the truth
just walked in that door,
and we're going to turn a blind eye?
How is that upholding the law?
We cannot fail these two young women.
We have to reopen the case.
It's not without precedent.
And, of course, I want to do it. I
If you say no, and I lose,
I'm just going to file
a motion to appeal.
The brief is right here.
And we will all end up right
back here in a few weeks,
but next time, I will
have Clara as a witness,
and I will win.
So it's your choice.
Now or later.
You decide.
I can't throw my client under the bus.
I'll leave it up to
the court's discretion.
What is Clara studying?
Robotics.
MARGARET: Clara.
The judge has agreed to reopen the case
and include your testimony.
But she has denied our
request for anonymity.
She-she wants me to get on
the stand in front of everyone?
Yes.
And it would be tomorrow.
So, you need to go home
tonight and think about this,
and maybe talk to your family.
- (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
- Next. Go. Come on.
This is a costume party?
For courthouse employees only.
- (SIGHS)
- We'll need wristbands to get in.
Damn it.
JUDY: Hey.
What are you doing here?
Hey. Um, I'm on undercover assignment.
This is my manservant, Lawrence.
- Oh, hey.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I'm moonlighting
for extra cash, you know.
Um, are you guys trying to get inside?
Yeah.
I think I can help you.
Who is this?
Judy. She's, um
I work with her. Well, I work above her.
She's interested in me,
but I am not. I'm busy with my career.
Trying to remain focused, like a wolf.
Wolves are not focused.
Most wolves are starved
to the point of delirium.
They kill and eat indiscriminately
because they have to.
Huh.
I didn't know that.
These should help you with your mission,
should you choose to accept them.
(CHUCKLES) All right, see you inside.
I'm seeing everything
in a new light ♪
Oh, there he is.
TODD: Okay. Well, he seems
very friendly with that piñata.
There's someone inside that costume.
Ah, yes. Good point. Thank you.
Let's just wait and
watch to see who's inside.
Oh. Hi.
♪
TODD: Yeah, they're an
item, but at some point,
that piñata's gonna have
to come out of that costume
to pee or breathe.
I mean, how is it drinking that drink?
I don't even see a mouth opening.
Hey.
How many Jell-O shots have you had?
What?
Oh, my God. You're drunk.
No, these are just Jell-O.
No, they are Jell-O shots,
full of grain alcohol.
Didn't you have parties
in military school?
No, I wasn't invited.
But I think you're pretty,
no matter what anyone says.
- Wow. (LAUGHS)
- Hey.
- Are you having fun?
- (GROANS)
No, ah-ah. Not the shrimp, no.
- That bad?
- Yeah.
Okay.
JUDY: You're watching that piñata? Yeah.
We need to know what's
inside the piñata.
I think it's usually candy.
♪
TODD: Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
It's moving, it's moving.
It's going to the bathroom. (GROANS)
Hey, Lawrence? Lawrence!
You're a robot and a pirate,
but I'm okay with it.
You know, I'll go check it out.
Okay, we need to know if it's a piña-tah
- or a piña-toe.
- Got you.
Okay. Okay, let's go, drunky.
Hey, wait. I was talking to him.
Okay, let's get some food in you, huh?
What about these cupcakes?
Or, I hear the shrimp are pretty good.
- I don't wanna go home.
- No?
Oh, my God, it's Albert Einstein.
Are you dating Gayle King?
Okay, I'm very sorry for
my robot idiot brother,
but big fan of both of your work.
I'm a robot and a
pirate at the same time.
- TODD: Oh, my God.
- Oh, no luck. Unisex restroom.
The line was long and
the piñata gave up.
Great, now the milk
is nowhere to be found.
God, this is ridiculous.
Can we just rip off that piñata's head
and find out what's inside?
Pretty sure you need a
bat to destroy a piñata.
JUDY: So, when you say manservant?
TODD: Just my brother,
my idiot brother
Hey, bat, spill it!
Open up! Come on!
No, no, no. Wrong bat! Wrong bat!
- MAN: Hey!
- Oh, uh
You should go. I'll take care of him.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Hey, Derek, hi.
Come on, let's go, Batman.
- Excuse me. So sorry, so sorry.
- (CLAMORING)
LAWRENCE: Bye!
- (OTHERS MURMURING)
- Bye, everyone. Goodbye.
Thanks again!
Give me the keys. Gimme!
But I want the candy
inside of that piñata.
- Go back.
- What?
Todd?
Lawrence?
Mom! Jell-O!
What is going on?
He's been doing Jell-O shots.
(SLURRING): Every color of the rainbow.
What is happening here?
Um, mid-gay-life crisis?
What are you doing downtown?
Oh, I was at the courthouse but
- (BELCHES)
- Oh, my God. We need to get him home.
- Yeah.
- No, but I can't. (GROANS)
- Chet's mom is here. Boo.
- Okay.
I'm gonna take him to my place.
Your place? Oh, great.
Mom says it's a dump.
What? You called my place a dump?
Not now, Todd. But, yes.
She says it's a dump.
LAWRENCE: The wheels on
the bus go round and round ♪
- (TODD MUTTERING)
- Round and round, round and ♪
Lawrence, honey, you have to walk.
- Take steps.
- Hey, hi, everybody.
- Hey.
- Patty.
- What?
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I'm surprising Allison
with a little girls' night.
I think she could use
some female bonding
- and guidance.
- From you?
Yes, me. I've got some face masks,
hummus, bath salts.
Not the kind that
turn you into a zombie.
And I don't really recommend those.
Can we just Lawrence is very heavy.
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- I'm not heavy, I'm your brother.
- Come on.
- (KEYS JINGLE)
- Lawrence, you are hooking my bra right now.
- Okay, sweetheart.
- MAN: I saw this in the movies once
- (GASPS)
Oh, my God.
- Allison!
- Dick?!
- Mom?
- Tony.
Feliz Navidad!
Oh!
- What?!
- Oh, my God, he hit his head.
- Patty, get some ice.
- You said you had an all-night stakeout
What are you wearing?
What am I wearing? What am I wearing?
What are you doing in my bed with him?
Oh, I'm sorry, is this your wife?
This is my sister, and you told me
- I had to be a lone wolf.
- LAWRENCE: Ow.
- No distractions.
- Ow
No girls, no boys. So what is this?
- What can I say, Tyler? I love her, man.
- What?!
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, but listen,
she's not gonna be around long, right?
You know, she's a cop.
So she's gonna die in the line
of duty any day now, quickly.
I am a doctor. I was your doctor.
Okay, Dr. Feelgood, what
do we do about this injury?
Okay, just sit him up.
Um, keep the ice on his forehead.
- Is he disoriented?
- Very.
And so are you, by the way.
Allison, this is very disappointing.
- Yeah, I'll say it is.
- Why?
I am a grown, marri Single.
I am a single woman.
- I don't think marriage is in the cards for us, babe.
- Stop talking.
Also, what do you care who I sleep with?
You told Lawrence it
doesn't matter who we love.
You love him? Him?!
It doesn't matter. Gay or straight,
we can all make terrible life choices.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
Can everyone please just
get out right now?
What? I live here.
- This is my apartment.
- (GRUNTS)
Dick?
It's me.
Oh, dear God, Patty, is that you?
You know my aunt?
I, uh, I thought you were dead.
No, no, no, not yet.
- Dick, I waited for your call for many, many years.
- Oh, my God.
Hey, listen, Patty, you know
I think you're a great gal.
We had some great times together, right?
But I'm a lone wolf.
I live in the shadows.
I-I got garbage down my pants
- so I can stay warm at night.
- That's you, by the way.
The garbage in his pants, that's you.
Todd, you're your own
garbage in your pants.
I'm not really sure
that makes any sense.
And you are such a fraud, by the way.
I wanted to be just like
you, a great detective,
but look at me now.
Yeah, you're a terrible detective.
Couldn't even solve my little gay case.
Wait, your confidential
client is Lawrence?
Yeah. He failed me. You're fired.
I'm a failure, too.
I'm probably gonna be fired.
I vetted that judge
they found on Grindr.
It was me.
I don't have gaydar.
I don't wear espadrilles.
I hate Metallica.
Is Metallica a gay band?
- Oh, yeah.
- Duh.
You are not a failure,
and of all my children
- He's the favorite. I knew it.
- He what?
We're letting you down, and he's not?
DICK: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Listen up, everybody.
I've had a really great time.
I like most of you.
But right now, I'm
having a heart attack,
so could someone call me a 911?
(SIREN WAILING)
Oh
Oh, Clara, hi.
I'm so sorry I'm two minutes late.
Uh, it was a strange night.
Are you ready for this?
Did you talk to your family?
Let's just go in and do it.
Okay, okay. So remember,
- all you have to do is tell the truth.
- Mm-hmm.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(SHUDDERS) Um
is he taking photos
of of people in there? No.
Is it gonna be in the papers?
Because if-if my family
What if my family sees?
If they send me away,
- then Micah what will happen to my brother?
- Okay.
He's-he's, um And
they won't, they won't
Clara, shh, shh, shh.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
I'm not gonna ask you to do this.
I Your safety is the
most important thing.
Um, what-what happens if I don't?
Gillian will lose, but we'll appeal.
I am not going to trade
her future for yours.
So I'm just gonna go
inside and tell them
it's not gonna happen.
I keep thinking that
I'm ready, and then
I just get scared, and then I
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Clara, I'm going to go inside,
and if you're ready, you'll join me.
Or you'll wait here.
Either one is okay.
You do what's right for you.
Ms. Wright, is the witness here?
Your Honor, unfortunately
♪
(GALLERY MURMURING)
Yes, Your Honor, she is ready now.
Will the defendant please rise?
In the case of Richard
Madden v. Gillian Gibbons,
the jury finds the defendant
not liable for defamation.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
- (LAUGHS): Okay.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Congratulations.
You are so brave, Gillian.
He will lose his job, and he
is not a threat to you anymore.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Yes. Thank you.
- Mmm. That's good.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Are those from that party?
Yes. I am upcycling.
- There's so much waste in the world.
- Mm. Yeah.
- Ooh.
- Uh, I just wanted to come by
and say thank you for
all your help last night.
I mean, it was fun.
And-and-and you really
- Do you want to have dinner sometime?
- Yes!
Y-Yes, I do.
- Good.
- I really do.
- Good.
- Mm.
Oh, and by the by, I
figured out the gender
of your little piñata friend last night.
- What? You did? How?
- Bad shrimp.
- Oh.
- Yeah, there was a little flap in the neck,
and I just, I delivered
that bad shrimp right on in.
They had to remove the
head to get to the toilet.
Probably still throwing up somewhere.
(CHUCKLES)
So who was inside? Was
it a man or a woman?
MARGARET: How did it go?
Well, they're still
talking to me for now.
But I am leaving.
Okay. And the college
has agreed to house you
as part of their work study program.
And what about my brother?
Clara, should you need
to bring Micah with you,
we will find a legal
way to make that happen.
He'll be okay.
That first day when I
saw you at the courthouse,
I thought that you were
- just a lawyer helping Gillian.
- (CHUCKLES)
I didn't realize that
you would help me, too.
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
I Honestly, I don't know
how to thank you enough. Thank you.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Oh
- Thank you.
- So why don't you take a seat right here.
- I will find Todd for you.
- Okay. Thank you, Susan.
It's really great seeing you, Lawrence.
Great seeing you, too.
Oh.
Thank you.
Uh, who's this?
That is my husband Chet
and our daughter Clementine.
She's at the movies today
with her Aunt Allison.
So you're married to a man?
Yes.
- Lawrence.
- Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey. I didn't know
you were coming in today.
Yeah. I'm here to see Todd.
Okay. Come on, Micah.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
We'll get some paperwork
for his sister's college.
Oh, hello. Walk with me, won't you?
- Todd, uh, I wanted to come by and say
- Ooh, ooh.
Sorry. Is this in an official
capacity? Because you fired me.
So now, anything you say will
be emailed directly to CNN.
And the FBI. And TMZ. And CBS. And KFC.
Ha, ha, ha. Listen.
I am sorry about the other night.
I have never done Jell-O Slaps before.
- Oh, boy.
- And some of the things I said
were maybe misguided.
Yeah. Like "I'm not really gay"?
'Cause you weren't drunk for that.
I am gay. Of course.
My connection to that community
may not be very strong.
But perhaps there is value
in embracing the label.
Yeah.
And I have decided to recommend
Adam Spinks for the position.
He is extremely qualified.
Oh, okay. Damn. So you
don't want to know anymore?
- 'Cause I figured it out.
- You did?
Yeah, with some help
from my friend Dorothy.
And I have something for you.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- What is this?
This is a Sexual
Orientation Reveal Balloon.
Just pop it, and the confetti inside
will tell you which
team the judge plays for.
Seriously? Why
can't you just tell me?
I mean, what color is ?
You'll know. Just pop it.
But not in here 'cause
it'll make a big mess,
and Mom will get mad.
But take it outside
- and pop it.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Wait. Does pink mean ?
Or is-is blue ?
Just pop it. You'll see.
You did it.
Nice work.
Proud of you, too.
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
Poor sweet Allison.
She's turning into
someone else, isn't she?
She certainly is, but who?
- Thank you.
- Hello.
Jury's still out on that one,
but I think it'll be okay.
Let's just wait and see. Hey.
Although, you know who she
reminds me of at this age?
- Lester.
- Lester?
Was Lester acting out,
rebelling in his 30s?
He shaved his head
and then hijacked that
little train at the zoo.
Remember? Father was furious.
Dear God, is Allison
turning into Lester?
I need to talk to her.
Somewhere over the rainbow ♪
Way up high ♪
And the dreams that you dream of ♪
Once in a lullaby ♪
Previously on So Help Me Todd
- Chet and I are having another
- Baby.
A baby!
Patty, you are on a
date with a murderer.
Again?
I rest my case.
JUDGE MELANIE:
All right, thank you. Bailiff?
If you would escort the jurors
to the deliberation room.
We appreciate your time
on this case, thank you.
It looks like closing
testimony wrapped at 4:47
Gillian, this is the hard part
the waiting but you were brave
and articulate, and
we have a good chance.
Thank you, everyone else, thank you all.
This concludes the
final day on this case.
My whole life is in
those 12 people's hands.
But the jury's deliberations
have just begun.
(GAVEL BANGS)
DICK (ON RECORDING): You
got to choose, every second
of every day, to be a detective.
You got to think about
how you spend your time,
how you live your damn life
- Hey, Todd.
- Hey.
- You going home?
- Uh
What are you doing tonight?
There is a fireworks thing at Oaks Park.
Uh, yeah, sorry.
I actually got a big
family dinner, so
Oh, well, maybe this weekend?
Laser Floyd in the OMSI Planetarium.
Uh, no no.
No can do. I'm just focusing on work.
Zeroing in on some career goals.
Oh, right, "Portland's number one P.I."
Yeah, I saw your flyer.
In the trash can at the Rose Gardens.
Anyway, thank you for the invite.
- Yeah.
- Uh, another time.
Maybe or Okay.
maybe not.
- DICK: There can be no distractions.
- Yeah.
- No distractions.
- All right, bye.
It was a nice cross with the dean.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
Strong closing remarks.
Yeah, but was it enough?
Which way do you think they'll go?
I don't know. Your
client is sympathetic.
But I think I have stronger evidence.
Could go either way.
Maybe.
You know he came to me first?
I know.
And I'm surprised you
didn't take him on.
Well, I didn't like him.
He's got deep pockets.
If what I'm hearing
about your firm is true.
Mm-hmm.
I guess my pesky morals
got in the way again.
And Gillian, oh.
I felt really strongly about her case.
Mm, I've had those moments, too.
You have a good night.
- You, too, Dorothy.
- Mm-hmm.
FEMALE VOICE: Hello?
(RUNNING FOOTFALLS)
(PANTING)
- Are you Margaret Wright?
- Yes.
I I'm here to testify. I'll do it.
Testify for what?
- Who are you?
- I got your letter.
About the Oregon City College case.
- And I'll do it.
- Gillian's case?
But the-the trial is over.
We're done, we-we just
finished. The jury is
Okay, all right.
Okay, um
Wait, wait, wait. What is your name?
When did you get my letter?
Um, no. No, no, no. No,
never mind. Thank you, no.
MARGARET: It was the strangest thing.
And I have no idea who she was.
But do you think she has any
information about the case?
Well, e-even if she
does, it's-it's too late.
The jury is in deliberations now.
And it's practically
impossible to reopen a trial.
Sorry, this is the college defamation
case with the gross professor?
Yeah, he offered her an
internship in exchange
for, um, inappropriate favors.
Quid pro gross.
She reported the incident
and no one believed her, of course.
So she bravely called him out on TikTok,
and now he's suing her for
defamation. I mean, it's just,
- it's awful.
- PATTY: Oh, I don't know.
I wouldn't say that TikTok is awful.
I just opened my own account,
PattyJam6005-lowercase-B.
And what I'm seeing,
on all my little feeding streams,
is one video of one woman
making one ham sandwich.
Is that all TikTok is?
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- No, I think it's just more
of one section of TikTok.
CHET: And I heard that the college
barely investigated her claims.
They just tried sweeping
it under the rug.
And meantime, her scholarship,
her bank accounts and
her future career are all in jeopardy.
So he's claiming that her
TikTok defamed his public image?
So that's what TikTok
is about, defaming?
So then that one woman is
defaming her ham sandwich? I
That's No.
- Oh, look who it is.
- Hey, Lawrence.
- Mr. Robot.
- (OVERLAPPING GREETINGS)
- Hello.
- Hi, Papa.
Hi, Clem.
What is this ominous balloon for?
Oh, it's real. Okay.
I thought my retina had detached.
It's a gender reveal balloon.
- I'm sorry, it's a what?
- Ah, for the baby?
Seriously? A balloon? I
thought for gender reveals
you were supposed to,
like, burn down a farm.
This is so bougie and heteronormative.
Allison, try not to
belittle your brother
- I'm not belittling him, I'm just saying.
- Fine.
Okay, we wanted to
share this information
with you all in a fun way,
like a normal couple would.
- You and Chet are a normal couple.
- Well, Chet is a normal.
Wait, but do you know what it is?
Okay, then just tell us rather than
I'm going to pop this now.
- Okay, he wants to do this.
- Now, please.
- This is fun.
- Is it?
(SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
God.
It's, it's green.
Which means?
You're having a frog?
It would seem that they
gave me the wrong balloon.
Oh, babe.
My mashed potatoes are
full of gender reveal.
And the baby?
Well, Clem?
I get a little brother!
(ALL CHEERING, CLAMORING)
MARGARET: A boy.
- I've always wanted a boy.
- What?
Oh, Clem, having a baby brother
is the absolute best
thing in the whole world.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, it's, it's the clerk at court.
At this hour?
Uh, I should take it in
the bedroom. Here, Todd.
- Yep, yep.
- Oh, congratulations, Lawrence.
Oh, thank you.
Okay. I am going to de-frog
myself in the bathroom.
Hey, Clem, you're gonna be
a big sister just like me.
We should have a sleepover to
celebrate. We can watch Frozen.
- Or do some nails?
- Or we can do nails.
ALLISON: And we can make a volcano
and we can blow some stuff up.
- Wouldn't that be so fun?
- And where would you do this?
(STAMMERS) Uh
I don't know, I guess at Todd's.
Uh, no, Clem isn't going near Todd's.
She hasn't had her
final vaccinations yet.
Okay, well, I'm sure Mom
would let me do it here.
Why are you resisting this?
I'm offering to babysit.
It's just that I'm not sure that your
I'm not sure that your current lifestyle
is appropriate for Clem to be around.
My current lifestyle?
What does that mean?
We can discuss it later. Maybe.
Clem, hey, let's go
show Daddy what you made.
(SCOFFS) Okay.
Oh, Al-pal.
I'll have a girls' night with you.
Just two sexy ladies with some
catalogs and some milkshakes, woo-hoo!
(LAUGHS)
But I won't watch Frozen, no.
It's too real.
Too close, can't do it.
They were deliberating this late?
And-and-and they have questions.
Okay. No, all right, all right.
I'll be at the courthouse
first thing in the morning.
All right. Okay, thank
thank you.
Hey! What the ?
Lawrence, uh
what is going on?
Why are you turning on all of the ?
Are you gonna kill me?
Is it true that you're now operating
a private detective agency
within Mother's law firm?
- Yes.
- And your business is separate from hers?
You don't report your clients
or income to anyone there?
- Yes.
- And you can keep your work confidential?
Yes.
Then I have a job for you.
Find out if he's gay.
What?
♪
Thank you for coming.
I know it was somewhat short notice.
The jurors were here
until 9:45 last night,
and they have some requests.
Juror number seven is
requesting an early release.
It's her daughter's wedding tomorrow.
Juror number seven? I
am inclined to say no.
Margaret, come on,
her daughter's wedding?
She's gonna turn on you if you keep her.
All right, yes.
Yes. Release her.
And the jury has asked
to have Hank Jennings'
testimony re-read to them,
which I am inclined to grant.
Thank you, Counsel, that's all.
Tough break.
I think you had juror number
seven. But the alternates.
No, they they don't
like me or Gillian.
I can tell from the
looks on their faces.
And re-reading the lab
partner's testimony?
Doesn't bode well.
All right, you too. Take care.
How'd it go?
What happened?
We're losing.
I'm losing. My God.
Why am I the one getting punished
- when I didn't do anything wrong?
- Gillian.
Nothing happened yet.
We are not losing.
You know what?
Let me make a quick phone call.
All right.
- Mom?
- Todd, this may be pointless,
but I want you to look into that
mysterious girl from yesterday.
Well, I thought that case was closed.
Also I'm in the middle
of something, so I can't.
In the middle of what?
A nap? A meal? A disaster?
Hey, my contract with
you allows me to take on
outside clients, and
this one is confidential.
"Confidential"?
I don't remember
agreeing to confidential.
Then I am setting
some healthy boundaries
and this is a private
matter. Call Lyle. Guh-bye.
Hey, Lawrence?
Hey.
- What, are you following me?
- Yes. It was very easy.
Turns out, you're the only
lumbering robot on this street.
Do you have an answer for me?
Not yet, but what is going
on with this situation?
Are you trying to get with this guy?
You're using me to have
some sort of affair?
'Cause, look, you got
very lucky with Chet.
- You don't want to risk
- I'm not.
Okay, okay.
Great, not cheating.
So I did some preliminary digging,
and he's a local judge.
Which I assume you already knew.
But why do you need to know if he's gay?
Can't you just ask him?
- I mean, what's the big deal?
- No.
Do not ask him if he's
gay, absolutely not.
That's the one thing you cannot do.
Okay, wow, all right.
I knew this was a bad idea.
Look.
If you can't help me, I will
find a real detective who can.
No, no, hey, I can do it. I can.
Lawrence, I'll find out.
Ah, perfect timing.
All right, of the 184
letters we sent out
in search of information
on Gillian's professor,
36 people never responded,
and five of those were women
- between the ages of 18 and 25.
- Mm-hmm.
One, two, three, four.
No, no, none of those are her.
She was, um, my height,
and dark reddish hair.
- Very pale.
- Oh, uh
The fifth woman, Clara Wilkins,
has no online photos
and no Internet presence.
Well, that is unusual for
a college student today.
But she does have a P.O.
box in her name in Hillsboro.
Let's just go out there
and see what she knows
about Gillian's case.
Todd, you got to be kidding me.
Stealing a judge's trash has got
to be some sort of federal crime.
Come on, it's trash.
And why do you need me?
But more importantly, why
are we doing this down here?
Secret assignment. Top secret.
And I need a woman's opinion.
- Okay, so
- (SIGHS)
Okay, okay, okay.
Empty instant ramen cup?
- Straight.
- What?
Um Ooh, Popsicle stick? Gay.
Why is a Popsicle stick gay?
I don't know. Summer,
tank tops, Popsicles,
pride parade, crafts.
This is ridiculous, and reductive.
Believe me, I know, but
I got to start somewhere.
Okay, let's see. Um
Okay. Uh, hair? Is this hair?
- Wait, he cuts his own hair?
- Oh.
- Straight.
- No, wait, no wait, oh.
- These are actually just feathers?
- Okay, gay.
From a discarded down jacket?
- Straight?
- Ugh, this guy's all over the place.
I really have to crack this.
Hey, what's going on over here?
Do I know this woman? She's
giving me a really weird look.
Oh, no. Well, I mean, maybe.
But the googly eyes are for me, not you.
- She wants to, uh, "date me."
- Wait.
Is that why you brought me down here?
So you can make googly eyes back at her?
No, no, no, no. I am not
in that headspace right now.
And I'm not interested, okay? I'm a
- Lone wolf.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
I heard you muttering
that in the elevator.
I was alone in that elevator.
No, you were not.
You know, you should go
for her. She-she's cute.
Hey, you don't have to
matchmaker me into a match
just because you are blissfully
married and happy now.
Aww, and you will be,
too, someday. Mwah.
- (LAUGHS)
- Okay, okay. Um
(MOUTHING)
- TODD: Back into the judge's trash.
- (MOUTHING)
Okay, here we go.
Candy bar wrapper. Dark
chocolate, almonds
mint?
- Bi.
- Asexual.
- What? Are you joking?
- Almonds and mint?
No, that's three things.
Is trisexual a thing?
MICAH: They have those
peppermint sticks.
- I know you like them.
- No, no candy.
Oh, come on. Just one, please?
Micah, no.
Excuse me, Clara Wilkins?
Uh, w-what are you doing
here? How did you find me?
Whoa, uh, it's important.
Do you have something
that you want to share
about Professor Madden?
Micah, go wait in the truck.
Now.
You-you said that the trial was over.
I know, I know, and technically, it is,
but if Professor Madden
wins this defamation suit,
Gillian will be bankrupt,
and it will destroy
any future career
opportunities that she may have.
She needs all the help she can get.
Would you be willing to just talk to us?
No. No, no, I-I can't
talk to anyone, I don't
Clara.
If you know something that
is integral to this case,
it is your duty as a
citizen to come forward.
I could subpoena you, and
legally, you would have to
No, don't. That would ruin my life.
Clara.
(SIGHS)
I've got her plates.
Should be easy to track her from there.
- Good.
- But Margaret,
to what end are we pursuing her?
If the trial is over, then
The jury is still out, Lyle.
- It's not over yet.
- (PHONE BUZZES)
It's Francey. Court wants
you back immediately.
Maybe they've reached a verdict.
Well, this is a delight, Todd.
You taking your sad old
spinster aunts out to lunch.
I'm not a
Why are we eating at the courthouse?
Well, Mom loves the shrimp salad here
and there's tons of cute lawyers around.
Maybe you might meet
someone. You never know.
Oh, that's true. I've met a number
of incarcerated gentlemen
through the judicial system.
Coco, Hammer, 5-Knife-Lick
You dated someone named "5-Knife-Lick"?
Oh, he was very, very shy,
and I'm not sure I appreciate your tone.
Who are you currently dating?
No one. I
- I didn't mean
- Okay, but wow.
Hey, there's a cute guy over there.
No, no, no, no, not-not there.
Right there, right there.
No, no, not him. Him.
That guy. That guy.
Yeah, he looks nice and cute.
Why don't you go over there
and talk to him, Allison?
Or Patty? Or anyone?
What is going on? Are
you prostituting us?
You're prostituting us?
This is gross and weird. I'm leaving.
Try your skeevy shenanigans
with some other nutcase.
(BLOWING NOSE)
(SNIFFLES)
Hello. Is this seat taken?
Oh, I love your lunch. (CHUCKLES)
What a day, huh?
So many courts, so many rulings,
people being executed, it's so exciting.
TODD (OVER EARBUD):
T-try something else.
Entice him. Beguile him.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You know, I happen to own an island.
It's off the coast,
in the Pacific, it's
Magic Crystal Island.
It's full of beautiful
waterfalls and badgers and
What are you saying?
It's like a nicer Ecuador, it's
Hi. Hello, there.
Um, I'm new here,
and
this courthouse is so big,
and I was wondering if you could, maybe,
show me to the, um, jury room?
I'm not allowed to speak to jurors.
Oh, oh, are you a judge?
I'd love for you to render my verdict.
No? Céline Dion?
(SIGHS) What is with that guy?
Hey, do you know
anything about that guy?
- GUARD: Oh, yeah, Judge Spinks?
- Mm-hmm.
Thinks he's so cool 'cause the
governor wanted to talk to him.
(SCOFFS) Big deal.
Yeah.
Big deal.
Huh.
After two days of deliberations,
I've been informed by the
jury that they are deadlocked.
11 to one. Now
Is that 11 for or against me?
They don't tell us which is which.
JUDGE: There will be no mistrial.
I am not wasting this
court's time or money.
You will keep deliberating.
There is no deadlock, no gray area.
You must pick a side.
Either guilty or not guilty.
Now I will send you
back into the jury room.
And if you need any testimony
You want to find a
way to reopen the case.
- Yes.
- but you need to come to a decision.
We are going to subpoena Clara Wilkins.
So, it would seem our friend Adam Spinks
is up for a state
supreme court appointment.
Uh-huh? Thank you very much
for trusting me with that información.
Now tell me why it matters if he's gay.
There are seven judges on
the state supreme court.
- Mm-hmm.
- And two of them, by complete random chance,
happen to be gay.
Then, the Honorable
Edna Lewis recently
- became a lesbian.
- What, like, through magic?
Now, the governor has to
fill a vacancy on the court,
and her more conservative
constituents
Ugh, I hate that word. It
sounds like voters with stitches.
are concerned that,
if the new judge is gay,
then the gay agenda
will have a majority.
And will do what, make culottes
and square dancing mandatory?
The governor is up for reelection.
Okay, so now's the perfect time
to start discriminating,
or reverse discriminating?
- Or reverse-reverse discriminating?
- (STAMMERS)
Last year, the governor appointed
a very moderate judge to a
different court in Ashland
- Mm-hmm.
- and that judge took a hard right turn
and began supporting extremely
homophobic legislation.
And then, of course, got
caught on a gay hookup site.
Oh, I remember that. His
username was ChamberLord.
It was humiliating for the governor.
And if I want to stay in her good graces
and get her endorsement
when she retires,
I need to fully vet Spinks.
No surprises this time.
Okay, yes, look, so
I can get your answer,
but I need to borrow your car.
Yes, to tail Spinks.
And your car is ?
Allison took it. Hers got booted again.
- What is going on with her?
- I know.
- She's spiraling into a chaotic black hole.
- Total mess.
We're the good ones now.
- Can you believe it?
- No, I wouldn't go that far.
What Okay, so give me your car.
No. No way. I drive a
government-sanctioned vehicle.
Okay, well, if you want me
to go out and out your judge,
I'm gonna need some wheels.
You're making this very difficult.
You are the one who is
working against your own kind.
I mean, if he's gay and
he doesn't get the job,
isn't that precisely homophobic?
It is not homophobic. It's politics.
Well, do you think he's gay?
I mean, don't you have,
like, gaydar or whatever?
I'm I'm not even really gay.
Just forget this whole thing.
MARGARET: This can't
be where Clara lives.
In an old community center?
Could be a nonprofit.
Can I help you?
Ah, yes. I'm Margaret Wright.
I'm looking for Clara
Wilkins. Is she here?
Is she in trouble?
- Uh
- Clara!
Yes, Mother.
These people are asking for you. Why?
- What's going on?
- LYLE: Clara Wilkins,
- you have been ser
- Selected,
as a winner for a-a beauty makeover
from your local radio station
KOLP. Congratulations.
We don't allow cosmetics
in our community.
- Oh.
- (LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS)
Micah! Stop playing with the girls.
Uh, well, we're so
sorry. We had no idea.
We'll just show ourselves the way out.
Is this the way?
I'll point them in the right direction.
I'll be right back, Mother.
This way.
Clara, I am so, so sorry.
Had we known that you were
part of such a strict community,
- we never would have
- If anyone finds out
that I've been taking college
classes, I'll be disowned.
Education goes against your beliefs?
For girls, it does.
Where do they think you
are when you're at school?
The market, groceries, laundry.
My family wouldn't
understand my choices.
Not even your mother?
She wants
they all want a very
specific life for me.
I know how that feels.
Well, Clara, I am very sorry.
We will find another way. Thank you.
You're right about Professor Madden.
He's a bad person.
I was reading in a private room
when I heard him ask
Gillian to touch him.
He said that he would
give her an internship.
And she said no,
and then he tried to block
her from leaving the room.
- Oh, Clara.
- And he said bad things to me, too.
So when I got your letter, I
You wanted to help Gillian,
but the personal risk is too great.
And yet you came down to that
courthouse that day to find me.
Gillian is still in danger,
and we have very little time left
before this trial is truly over.
We cannot let Professor Madden win.
Clara, you are going to school now.
You are studying things,
you are improving yourself.
Maybe there's a part of you
that wants to be out of this life.
Could I, um,
could I talk to the judge
without anyone knowing?
You would do that?
Yes.
I'll see what I can do.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
You know, you didn't
have to come with me.
I am not leaving you alone
to eat snacks in my car.
They're Funyuns, okay?
They're fun onions.
Which store are we watching?
Well, he's parked right here
so he's likely over there,
in the Outback Steakhouse,
or the American Girl doll store,
or Hooters,
or Calico Corners fabric shop,
or, you know, down at Home Despot.
If you had been quicker in the bathroom,
we would have seen him.
And it's Home Depot.
No, no, they changed it to Home
Despot, like, six months ago.
That seems like a big marketing mistake.
What did you mean when you said
you're not really gay?
(SIGHS)
Well, all I do is work.
17, 18-hour days.
And when I'm home, if I'm home,
- I'm doing laundry.
- Mm-hmm.
Clem has, like, 600 socks,
and none of them have a match.
And Chet and I are too tired
after work for any kind of
You can skip that part.
So, what about this life is gay?
How am I gay?
Why does it matter if I have that label?
All I am is a working,
busy, tired father.
Yeah, who sleeps in bed at night
with a man he's married to. You're gay.
Well, I don't feel gay.
I'm not skipping around
or listening to Metallica,
or wearing lederhosen,
or going to Croatia,
or driving around in a convertible
with bubbles flowing out over the top
What? What are you
saying? Bubbles? What?
Lawrence, being gay isn't only one thing
or-or-or one way of life.
Gay could be anything.
I mean, you could be you gay.
You could be Croatia gay
If gay can be anything,
then isn't it nothing?
Who cares if anyone is gay?
Aren't we beyond labels now?
Why do I have to be gay?
The whole thing is pointless.
I mean, all I care about
is Chet and Clem's health and happiness
and paying the utility bills on time.
(PHONE BUZZES)
- It's Mom. Should I
- No, don't answer it.
- Should I not?
- No.
- Well, why don't I just
- Do not answer it, Todd.
- Eh, I'm gonna answer it.
- Don't, don't
- Don't answer it.
- Hey, Mom?
Uh, Todd, I found her.
She's part of a fundamentalist
religious sect in Hillsboro.
- Is she gonna help you?
- MARGARET: I think so.
I'm working on it, but, Todd, I'm
I'm having doubts about
pushing her into something
that could destroy her.
Todd, let me ask you something.
I didn't ruin your sister's life, did I?
I mean, am I the reason
that Allison is flailing?
No, she's just
Look, Allison is in
transition, you know?
She was in one life that
she was maybe forced into,
and now she's changing
lanes, and that's bumpy.
MARGARET: She never wants to see me.
She shows up at the opera
dressed like an inebriated yoga teacher.
I think she's seeing someone
but she won't tell me who.
Yeah, you know who else
is a mess? Lawrence.
Be kind to your brother.
He may not be as bright
as you or your sister
but he means well.
Although I do have to talk to
Chet about the way he dresses.
Oh, some of those communist
suits are so stiff.
Oh, oh, oh.
- MARGARET: Who is that?
- Mom, Mom, Mom,
- I gotta go. Bye. There's a fire.
- What's going on, Todd? Fire?
Once again, if you'd been
focused on the task at hand,
we would have seen which
store he came out of.
TODD: You know, you think
you're so cute with all that,
but you're not quite as bright as me,
are you, in your communist suit? What?
LAWRENCE: Wait, what is he doing?
TODD: What is he
- What is
- What is that?
TODD: What is he wearing?
What is he putting on?
- Is that Is he putting that on his head?
- What is he holding?
- TODD: What-what is that?
- LAWRENCE: Wait, that's-that's strange.
- What is he doing with that?
- Oh, my God.
- You need to relax.
- That is disturbing.
TODD: But what is going
What That is disturbing.
Follow that milk carton.
Yeah.
And that's when I went
to go find Ms. Wright.
Thank you, Clara, for
sharing your story.
I appreciate you coming in.
Good job.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Okay,
so, off the record, I
think we can all agree
this guy's a scumbag, but what
are we going to do about it?
The testimony should be admitted.
This courageous young woman
is putting her well-being on the line.
She's risking being
disowned by her community
to do the right thing.
That is awful, but the law is the law.
Opening the case, adding in a witness
at this midnight hour would place
an inordinate amount of weight
on Clara's testimony for the jury.
Why are we here if not
to defend the truth?
Dorothy, Melanie, the truth
just walked in that door,
and we're going to turn a blind eye?
How is that upholding the law?
We cannot fail these two young women.
We have to reopen the case.
It's not without precedent.
And, of course, I want to do it. I
If you say no, and I lose,
I'm just going to file
a motion to appeal.
The brief is right here.
And we will all end up right
back here in a few weeks,
but next time, I will
have Clara as a witness,
and I will win.
So it's your choice.
Now or later.
You decide.
I can't throw my client under the bus.
I'll leave it up to
the court's discretion.
What is Clara studying?
Robotics.
MARGARET: Clara.
The judge has agreed to reopen the case
and include your testimony.
But she has denied our
request for anonymity.
She-she wants me to get on
the stand in front of everyone?
Yes.
And it would be tomorrow.
So, you need to go home
tonight and think about this,
and maybe talk to your family.
- (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
- Next. Go. Come on.
This is a costume party?
For courthouse employees only.
- (SIGHS)
- We'll need wristbands to get in.
Damn it.
JUDY: Hey.
What are you doing here?
Hey. Um, I'm on undercover assignment.
This is my manservant, Lawrence.
- Oh, hey.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I'm moonlighting
for extra cash, you know.
Um, are you guys trying to get inside?
Yeah.
I think I can help you.
Who is this?
Judy. She's, um
I work with her. Well, I work above her.
She's interested in me,
but I am not. I'm busy with my career.
Trying to remain focused, like a wolf.
Wolves are not focused.
Most wolves are starved
to the point of delirium.
They kill and eat indiscriminately
because they have to.
Huh.
I didn't know that.
These should help you with your mission,
should you choose to accept them.
(CHUCKLES) All right, see you inside.
I'm seeing everything
in a new light ♪
Oh, there he is.
TODD: Okay. Well, he seems
very friendly with that piñata.
There's someone inside that costume.
Ah, yes. Good point. Thank you.
Let's just wait and
watch to see who's inside.
Oh. Hi.
♪
TODD: Yeah, they're an
item, but at some point,
that piñata's gonna have
to come out of that costume
to pee or breathe.
I mean, how is it drinking that drink?
I don't even see a mouth opening.
Hey.
How many Jell-O shots have you had?
What?
Oh, my God. You're drunk.
No, these are just Jell-O.
No, they are Jell-O shots,
full of grain alcohol.
Didn't you have parties
in military school?
No, I wasn't invited.
But I think you're pretty,
no matter what anyone says.
- Wow. (LAUGHS)
- Hey.
- Are you having fun?
- (GROANS)
No, ah-ah. Not the shrimp, no.
- That bad?
- Yeah.
Okay.
JUDY: You're watching that piñata? Yeah.
We need to know what's
inside the piñata.
I think it's usually candy.
♪
TODD: Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
It's moving, it's moving.
It's going to the bathroom. (GROANS)
Hey, Lawrence? Lawrence!
You're a robot and a pirate,
but I'm okay with it.
You know, I'll go check it out.
Okay, we need to know if it's a piña-tah
- or a piña-toe.
- Got you.
Okay. Okay, let's go, drunky.
Hey, wait. I was talking to him.
Okay, let's get some food in you, huh?
What about these cupcakes?
Or, I hear the shrimp are pretty good.
- I don't wanna go home.
- No?
Oh, my God, it's Albert Einstein.
Are you dating Gayle King?
Okay, I'm very sorry for
my robot idiot brother,
but big fan of both of your work.
I'm a robot and a
pirate at the same time.
- TODD: Oh, my God.
- Oh, no luck. Unisex restroom.
The line was long and
the piñata gave up.
Great, now the milk
is nowhere to be found.
God, this is ridiculous.
Can we just rip off that piñata's head
and find out what's inside?
Pretty sure you need a
bat to destroy a piñata.
JUDY: So, when you say manservant?
TODD: Just my brother,
my idiot brother
Hey, bat, spill it!
Open up! Come on!
No, no, no. Wrong bat! Wrong bat!
- MAN: Hey!
- Oh, uh
You should go. I'll take care of him.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Hey, Derek, hi.
Come on, let's go, Batman.
- Excuse me. So sorry, so sorry.
- (CLAMORING)
LAWRENCE: Bye!
- (OTHERS MURMURING)
- Bye, everyone. Goodbye.
Thanks again!
Give me the keys. Gimme!
But I want the candy
inside of that piñata.
- Go back.
- What?
Todd?
Lawrence?
Mom! Jell-O!
What is going on?
He's been doing Jell-O shots.
(SLURRING): Every color of the rainbow.
What is happening here?
Um, mid-gay-life crisis?
What are you doing downtown?
Oh, I was at the courthouse but
- (BELCHES)
- Oh, my God. We need to get him home.
- Yeah.
- No, but I can't. (GROANS)
- Chet's mom is here. Boo.
- Okay.
I'm gonna take him to my place.
Your place? Oh, great.
Mom says it's a dump.
What? You called my place a dump?
Not now, Todd. But, yes.
She says it's a dump.
LAWRENCE: The wheels on
the bus go round and round ♪
- (TODD MUTTERING)
- Round and round, round and ♪
Lawrence, honey, you have to walk.
- Take steps.
- Hey, hi, everybody.
- Hey.
- Patty.
- What?
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I'm surprising Allison
with a little girls' night.
I think she could use
some female bonding
- and guidance.
- From you?
Yes, me. I've got some face masks,
hummus, bath salts.
Not the kind that
turn you into a zombie.
And I don't really recommend those.
Can we just Lawrence is very heavy.
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- I'm not heavy, I'm your brother.
- Come on.
- (KEYS JINGLE)
- Lawrence, you are hooking my bra right now.
- Okay, sweetheart.
- MAN: I saw this in the movies once
- (GASPS)
Oh, my God.
- Allison!
- Dick?!
- Mom?
- Tony.
Feliz Navidad!
Oh!
- What?!
- Oh, my God, he hit his head.
- Patty, get some ice.
- You said you had an all-night stakeout
What are you wearing?
What am I wearing? What am I wearing?
What are you doing in my bed with him?
Oh, I'm sorry, is this your wife?
This is my sister, and you told me
- I had to be a lone wolf.
- LAWRENCE: Ow.
- No distractions.
- Ow
No girls, no boys. So what is this?
- What can I say, Tyler? I love her, man.
- What?!
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, but listen,
she's not gonna be around long, right?
You know, she's a cop.
So she's gonna die in the line
of duty any day now, quickly.
I am a doctor. I was your doctor.
Okay, Dr. Feelgood, what
do we do about this injury?
Okay, just sit him up.
Um, keep the ice on his forehead.
- Is he disoriented?
- Very.
And so are you, by the way.
Allison, this is very disappointing.
- Yeah, I'll say it is.
- Why?
I am a grown, marri Single.
I am a single woman.
- I don't think marriage is in the cards for us, babe.
- Stop talking.
Also, what do you care who I sleep with?
You told Lawrence it
doesn't matter who we love.
You love him? Him?!
It doesn't matter. Gay or straight,
we can all make terrible life choices.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
Can everyone please just
get out right now?
What? I live here.
- This is my apartment.
- (GRUNTS)
Dick?
It's me.
Oh, dear God, Patty, is that you?
You know my aunt?
I, uh, I thought you were dead.
No, no, no, not yet.
- Dick, I waited for your call for many, many years.
- Oh, my God.
Hey, listen, Patty, you know
I think you're a great gal.
We had some great times together, right?
But I'm a lone wolf.
I live in the shadows.
I-I got garbage down my pants
- so I can stay warm at night.
- That's you, by the way.
The garbage in his pants, that's you.
Todd, you're your own
garbage in your pants.
I'm not really sure
that makes any sense.
And you are such a fraud, by the way.
I wanted to be just like
you, a great detective,
but look at me now.
Yeah, you're a terrible detective.
Couldn't even solve my little gay case.
Wait, your confidential
client is Lawrence?
Yeah. He failed me. You're fired.
I'm a failure, too.
I'm probably gonna be fired.
I vetted that judge
they found on Grindr.
It was me.
I don't have gaydar.
I don't wear espadrilles.
I hate Metallica.
Is Metallica a gay band?
- Oh, yeah.
- Duh.
You are not a failure,
and of all my children
- He's the favorite. I knew it.
- He what?
We're letting you down, and he's not?
DICK: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Listen up, everybody.
I've had a really great time.
I like most of you.
But right now, I'm
having a heart attack,
so could someone call me a 911?
(SIREN WAILING)
Oh
Oh, Clara, hi.
I'm so sorry I'm two minutes late.
Uh, it was a strange night.
Are you ready for this?
Did you talk to your family?
Let's just go in and do it.
Okay, okay. So remember,
- all you have to do is tell the truth.
- Mm-hmm.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(SHUDDERS) Um
is he taking photos
of of people in there? No.
Is it gonna be in the papers?
Because if-if my family
What if my family sees?
If they send me away,
- then Micah what will happen to my brother?
- Okay.
He's-he's, um And
they won't, they won't
Clara, shh, shh, shh.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
I'm not gonna ask you to do this.
I Your safety is the
most important thing.
Um, what-what happens if I don't?
Gillian will lose, but we'll appeal.
I am not going to trade
her future for yours.
So I'm just gonna go
inside and tell them
it's not gonna happen.
I keep thinking that
I'm ready, and then
I just get scared, and then I
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Clara, I'm going to go inside,
and if you're ready, you'll join me.
Or you'll wait here.
Either one is okay.
You do what's right for you.
Ms. Wright, is the witness here?
Your Honor, unfortunately
♪
(GALLERY MURMURING)
Yes, Your Honor, she is ready now.
Will the defendant please rise?
In the case of Richard
Madden v. Gillian Gibbons,
the jury finds the defendant
not liable for defamation.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
- (LAUGHS): Okay.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Congratulations.
You are so brave, Gillian.
He will lose his job, and he
is not a threat to you anymore.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Yes. Thank you.
- Mmm. That's good.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Are those from that party?
Yes. I am upcycling.
- There's so much waste in the world.
- Mm. Yeah.
- Ooh.
- Uh, I just wanted to come by
and say thank you for
all your help last night.
I mean, it was fun.
And-and-and you really
- Do you want to have dinner sometime?
- Yes!
Y-Yes, I do.
- Good.
- I really do.
- Good.
- Mm.
Oh, and by the by, I
figured out the gender
of your little piñata friend last night.
- What? You did? How?
- Bad shrimp.
- Oh.
- Yeah, there was a little flap in the neck,
and I just, I delivered
that bad shrimp right on in.
They had to remove the
head to get to the toilet.
Probably still throwing up somewhere.
(CHUCKLES)
So who was inside? Was
it a man or a woman?
MARGARET: How did it go?
Well, they're still
talking to me for now.
But I am leaving.
Okay. And the college
has agreed to house you
as part of their work study program.
And what about my brother?
Clara, should you need
to bring Micah with you,
we will find a legal
way to make that happen.
He'll be okay.
That first day when I
saw you at the courthouse,
I thought that you were
- just a lawyer helping Gillian.
- (CHUCKLES)
I didn't realize that
you would help me, too.
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
I Honestly, I don't know
how to thank you enough. Thank you.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Oh
- Thank you.
- So why don't you take a seat right here.
- I will find Todd for you.
- Okay. Thank you, Susan.
It's really great seeing you, Lawrence.
Great seeing you, too.
Oh.
Thank you.
Uh, who's this?
That is my husband Chet
and our daughter Clementine.
She's at the movies today
with her Aunt Allison.
So you're married to a man?
Yes.
- Lawrence.
- Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey. I didn't know
you were coming in today.
Yeah. I'm here to see Todd.
Okay. Come on, Micah.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
We'll get some paperwork
for his sister's college.
Oh, hello. Walk with me, won't you?
- Todd, uh, I wanted to come by and say
- Ooh, ooh.
Sorry. Is this in an official
capacity? Because you fired me.
So now, anything you say will
be emailed directly to CNN.
And the FBI. And TMZ. And CBS. And KFC.
Ha, ha, ha. Listen.
I am sorry about the other night.
I have never done Jell-O Slaps before.
- Oh, boy.
- And some of the things I said
were maybe misguided.
Yeah. Like "I'm not really gay"?
'Cause you weren't drunk for that.
I am gay. Of course.
My connection to that community
may not be very strong.
But perhaps there is value
in embracing the label.
Yeah.
And I have decided to recommend
Adam Spinks for the position.
He is extremely qualified.
Oh, okay. Damn. So you
don't want to know anymore?
- 'Cause I figured it out.
- You did?
Yeah, with some help
from my friend Dorothy.
And I have something for you.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- What is this?
This is a Sexual
Orientation Reveal Balloon.
Just pop it, and the confetti inside
will tell you which
team the judge plays for.
Seriously? Why
can't you just tell me?
I mean, what color is ?
You'll know. Just pop it.
But not in here 'cause
it'll make a big mess,
and Mom will get mad.
But take it outside
- and pop it.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Wait. Does pink mean ?
Or is-is blue ?
Just pop it. You'll see.
You did it.
Nice work.
Proud of you, too.
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
Poor sweet Allison.
She's turning into
someone else, isn't she?
She certainly is, but who?
- Thank you.
- Hello.
Jury's still out on that one,
but I think it'll be okay.
Let's just wait and see. Hey.
Although, you know who she
reminds me of at this age?
- Lester.
- Lester?
Was Lester acting out,
rebelling in his 30s?
He shaved his head
and then hijacked that
little train at the zoo.
Remember? Father was furious.
Dear God, is Allison
turning into Lester?
I need to talk to her.
Somewhere over the rainbow ♪
Way up high ♪
And the dreams that you dream of ♪
Once in a lullaby ♪