Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s02e06 Episode Script

What day is this?
My hood is squeezing me.
It's hot in here!
How many more shows do I have to do?
Even God rested.
Maybe we need to start repeating shows.
Tell me a joke.
All right. This guy walks into heard it.
Ok. Uh, a bridge heard it.
Ok. A guy walks all right. Wait.
Ok. Ok. All right.
Wait.
Heard any good haikus lately?
Smell the burning flesh, taste the tangy sulfur air.
Volcano season.
Mantis green and strong, deadly pincers razor-sharp
Waiting for his chance.
Uh, floating asteroid, need to buy some school supplies.
Uh, you're soaking in it.
Go practice your monologue.
Har-Dee-har!
I don't do a monologue, junior.
Ohh What?
- Tonight you do.
- Haven't you read the script?
Yes, of course I've read the script.
I just don't remember.
I'm under a lot of pressure, you know!
- I'm a working man!
- I don't have time for scripts.
You know?
possible by Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education.
Hey!
Live!
The space ghost Coast to coast.
Live!
The space ghost
Hey!
Coast to coast!
Live!
Hey!
- Good evening.
- I'm space ghost.
On my show tonight, body-slammer hulk hogan, and, straight from
the snake pit, slash.
Now, please say hello to my band,
zorak and the original way outs.
Say, zorak, a funny thing happened to
me on the way to the studio tonight.
No, it didn't.
Ha ha! Yes, zorak, it did.
- I was there.
- Nothing was funny.
Come on. Quit it!
I can't hear you.
I said a funny thing happened to me.
No, it did huh!
Say, I just invisoed in from the coast,
and, boy, are my arms tired!
Ha!
- Yeah, buddy.
- They're tired.
Hey, you know what's crazy?
I'll tell you politics!
Those guys running around voting, making laws and stuff.
I mean, who asked them?
Hey, are
Phew! Pollen.
Do tell us more comical don't start with me, zorak.
Do start.
You're playing with fire, greeny, so play me to the desk.
Uh, I would prefer not to.
Uh, excuse me?
That's the way it is.
I ain't doin' it.
- You're not a scrivener.
- You're a locust.
So play me to the desk!
Greetings, citizen hulkster.
Are you getting enough o2?
Hulk, are you with us?
- Yeah.
- Me and that little bee.
Uh-huh.
I know what it is.
Uh, beg pardon.
Ok The belt's there because I didn't want any of those
space aliens to steal it.
Moltar, I don't think the hulkster is getting enough oxygen.
- Um, where are we?
- Page 6?
Space ghost's hang on, hulkster, we're working on it.
5 Miles from Cuban waters. Mark.
Moltar, hurry!
What's the inflection on this exactly?
How we doing, hulkster?
Does anybody really care what time it is?
Moltar. Moltar!
- All right. Hang on.
- That wasn't it.
Space ghost, a man with the beef.
That's the big fella.
Don't tell me it's ok when it's not ok.
Wait!
Oh, beautiful, beautiful! Ahh There.
How we doing, hulkster?
I know now that I'm on space ghost's new show.
All righty.
Hulk, you have an identifying theme
that is cloaked in clandestine mystery.
Care to divulge it?
Uh
Well
What you going to do when hulk hogan comes to wrestle you?
- Come on.
- What's your secret identity?
My true identity is the leader of the pack.
In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby yeah!
Don't you know that I'll always be true?
Yeah!
In-a-gadda-da-vida, zorak
You know, hulky, in some ways, you and zorak and a lot alike.
No! He's got different color skin.
- I'm tan.
- I'm from California.
Melrose place.
My sister watches that show.
Uh-huh.
- And I'm the w.C.W.
- Heavyweight champion.
That other guy's just a cartoon character.
Hey! What do you mean, just a cartoon character?
Yeah! What's that supposed to mean?
Look, I paid my dues.
- I waited tables.
- I answered phones.
I polished silver for the queen.
I made coffee!
Nice lady.
I made coffee!
Me and rubelle.
Man, we could really hey, what do you think of Lassie, hulk?
Well, I'm I'm a animal lover.
I don't think I'd want to no, I wouldn't either.
- Wrestle Lassie.
- I wish Lassie was my pet.
Me, too.
But Ted Turner won't let us have
pets in the studio, ever since banjo.
Banjo!
- Ted Turner?
- Who's that?
- Ted owns us, zorak.
- He can push us around.
Even you, hulk.
Well, I don't know.
What if Ted made you do xeroxing all day in an apron?
Would you pile-drive him?
You would, wouldn't you?
Because you're a tough guy.
You're Mr. tough.
He's got pretty big arms the last time I saw him,
because he's been working out with his wife Jane Fonda.
- I'm "Fonda"
- Fonda.
She's a fitness expert.
Yes, I'm Fonda bridget Fonda.
Be quiet, brown nose.
Hey! I don't have a nose.
Who's the most powerful man in the Turner organization?
Fonda.
Hulk hogan or Ted Turner?
Uh, I would say Ted Ted,
then space ghost, and then the hulkster.
I'd love to see if I could body-slam that big dude.
Yeah. I hear that.
Whoa, daddy!
Back at you!
Hey, bobbaroni.
Originally, they used to say, "couples skate next.
Two girls may not skate together."
And then, like, a couple of years later,
they'd say, "couples skate.
"Two girls may not skate together.
Two boys may not skate together."
But they'd say it like, "who'd have figured?
Twoboysmay not skate together!"
Are we rolling?
How do you do?
How do you do, ladies and gentleman?
We're home.
Later in the program, we'll be talking
to a nice gentleman named slash.
Oh! Ow!
I've thrown my back out.
Worker's comp! Aah!
Had you going.
Hulk, do you know slash's last name?
That's his whole name.
- Neither did Henry.
- He didn't even have a mouth.
There's xuxa, hmm?
- That's right, zorak.
- There's xuxa.
What about her, huh?
Xuxa. Xuxa. Xuxa.
Oh, xuxa! Xuxa!
Will you come over and put the sleeper on zorak?
I don't think anybody like you or any of the little
space ghost kids out there, all those fans of yours,
should ever try any - wrestling holds at home.
You should never put the sleeper on your boys and your little
girlfriends and bleh!
Ok, hulk, whatever.
It looks like you've been eating those space cheeseburgers.
I'm looking at your waist, and that
belly of yours is hanging out so far,
I don't even think you can see your shoelaces when you tie your
space tennis boots.
My laces are velcro.
So tell us, what's new in the incredible world of hulk?
A brand-new tv series calledthunder in paradise,
where I get to play
an action-adventure hero on tv every week.
An action-adventure hero?
Oooh!
Why didn't I think of that?
And you fight crime, right?
That's original!
Hey, do you beat up any bad guys?
Maybe come to the rescue of a few distressed citizens?
Uh sure! Maybe even save the day while you're at it.
Well, you know, dude been there, done that!
See ya.
Moltar, give him a copy of the home game.
Please welcome my next guest slash.
Yeah?
Ok.
What's happening?
Well, I'm space ghost.
What's happening?
Then you'd probably ask me a question
I couldn't answer, and I'd feel like
a real idiot.
No, no, no.
Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything.
Ok.
- Are you ready?
- I think so.
Ok, citizen slash, welcome to the show.
You're from earth, right?
Yeah.
How many clouds does earth have?
You know, son, if you were a paramedic,
people would be dead already.
Next question.
Citizen longhair, when you're on tour,
do you ever miss your mommy?
I can't hear you.
Are you even listening to me?
- Yeah.
- Hello?
- I'm here.
- I just said yeah.
- Whatever.
- Whatever, son.
Stupid answer to a stupid what?
Never mind.
Where are your eyes?
- I can't do this, you guys.
- I knew this before we got here.
Wait! I saw one.
- Get me out of here.
- Ha ha ha!
Sing us a zippy guitar riff with your mouth.
No, no. Just listen to the record.
I have no intentions of doing any
zippy guitar riffs with my mouth.
Here like this.
No! Like this.
No! This.
Dao dao dao dao.
- I'm not going to cooperate with you.
- I don't have to.
- Oh, really?
- Uh-uh.
- You know what, slash?
- We'll be right back.
Cool.
- -
- Yeah, slash.
- Don't worry, buddy.
- We'll be right back.
Ha ha ha!
What a character.
Ha ha ha!