Still the King (2016) s02e06 Episode Script
P.A.L.S. Weekend
1 VERNON: Previously on "Still the King" How 'bout we hit the bar down the street? We're actually 16 Sixteen minutes late to college stuff.
How are my two favorite parolees, huh? We saw you yesterday, Doily.
Yeah, but you can't hug through prison bars.
Not for a lack of trying.
Better watch your mouth, Ronnie.
I might just have what it takes to make it in this business.
You wanna make it with me, Ronnie? One of you is the father of this baby.
But apparently we're not gonna know who anytime soon.
If it's April 3rd, that means it's Deb's birthday.
I gotta go.
[indistinct chatter.]
[alarm sounds.]
MAN: Roberts twins, time to go.
- You can talk to the hand? - Hmm? [smack.]
ALL: Ooh.
- Ow.
- Good God.
Wow.
Where are you off to? Are you finally running away? Ronnie has a retreat at his boss's house this weekend, and he asked me to come along.
That's right.
It's for those of us who like the finer things in life.
Mansions, shrimps, flying buttresses, mansion servants.
It's also gonna be at a mansion.
Wait, so this party's at a mansion? You're gonna need help packing? No.
All set.
[grunting.]
I'll be in the car.
VERNON: Drive safe.
Seems like you two got a pretty hot and heavy weekend planned.
So that's why Ronnie showered this morning.
Not that it's any of your business, but I've been assured there's two double beds in the guestroom.
You know, if you push them together, you'll have a giant love nest? I just need you two on your best behavior while I'm gone, okay? Keep an eye on her, please.
Mom, I'm 16.
I don't need a babysitter.
It's a good point.
Look after him instead.
And don't spend it on fast food.
CHARLOTTE: I won't! - I was talking to your dad.
- CHARLOTTE: Bye, love you.
- Drive safe.
- Love you.
You know, I'm a little offended that your mother doesn't trust us enough to act in a responsible fashion over the weekend.
- We're responsible.
- I know.
I do have couple of buddies that run an illegal poker game out of the back of a pizza joint downtown.
We could double our money.
[laughs.]
I'll go get my shoes.
[indistinct chatter.]
Boom! Aces full of jacks! I'm on a heater round, you're not gonna remember me again.
Well, that was your child support money.
But I guess that just cuts out the middle man.
Hey, there you are.
I thought I'd find you here.
You know they say best friends can read each other's minds.
Doily, I told you they were here.
You only agreed to come when you got hungry.
That's true.
Guys, have a seat.
I'll deal you in.
Oh, no, no, no.
We gotta go, come on.
It's P.
A.
L.
S.
weekend: Parolee And Lawman Social.
Weekend dedicated to team building between parole officers and their parolees.
Wait, wait, this is a thing? It sounds highly volatile.
It could be dangerous, but fun.
You know, I promised her mom that I'd stick around, keep an eye on her.
Oh yeah.
No biggie.
If you wanna go back to jail and violate your parole, fine.
He ain't bluffing, Vern.
He said he was gonna tase me if I didn't get in the car.
- Then he tased me.
- I did, I did.
- Twice.
- [laughing.]
- It's not funny.
- Sorta.
You know what, Dad, you need to go.
Okay, I don't need a babysitter.
I'm fine.
- You can trust me.
- Are you sure? Man, if your mom finds out, she'll kill me.
Have fun, you deserve it.
Alright.
Do me a favor though.
Just keep an eye on Dwayne, alright? He's had kind of a rough year.
DOILY: Alright, let's go.
Turns out, getting a job isn't a hellish nightmare I thought'd it be.
Plus, I get to take you on a "romantical" weekends like this.
Just a reminder, treating me to fancy weekends does not mean sex.
Alright.
Ah.
You want me to put that in the Ronnie pocket for you? No, babe.
We can get fresh ones.
We're above purse snacks now.
Ooh.
We're living the good life.
Care for a mask? Oh, we're good, thank you.
What? Dang, everything's so big.
Look, Ronnie, it's a champagne fountain.
Look at the curtain rings.
So, it's true what they say.
Behind every great man is a woman.
And behind that woman is me.
Bonjour.
Ronnie, you didn't tell me this was a masquerade party.
Oh, it's not.
Hello Deb, meet Coy.
He's the genius behind this whole operation.
Your Ronnie here is one of my top stallions.
I got big plans for him.
[laughs.]
You talking top stallions over here? - My ears are burning.
- Excuse me, boys, but I am going to trot this mare over to the bar.
Clipity-clopy, clipity-clop.
You guys really likes horses.
What are you doing here, Pony Boy? Coy personally invited me.
Coy personally invited everyone, you idiot.
It's his house.
Just because you're hanging out with the stallions, doesn't mean you're gonna be invited into Coy's inner-sanctum.
- Oh.
- His private cigar lounge.
That's where only the top stallions run unbridled.
Oh, I can outrun any stallion.
Yeah? [crunch.]
Even got my own cigar.
You're a real class act, Ronnie.
- Let's get out here, Blake.
- See ya there.
[spitting.]
[door dings.]
Oh my God.
I can't believe that worked.
I know, that was so much fun.
I wish my parents would leave town every once in a while.
Or the house, really.
Wait, what time are Lloyd's friends coming over? Uh, I think I told him 8.
I need to have everyone out by 10, so me and Lloyd can have some alone time.
Got it.
Good thing you got prophylactics.
- Got what? - These, condoms.
Okay, Mabel, you don't have to show the world.
You know, I read in "Cosmo" that it's good for an independent feminist to carry her own box of condoms.
That could have helped my mom at least 1 or 14 times.
What the hell you got us into here, son? Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Hi, Timmy.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, Spider.
In addition to the Best P.
A.
L.
title, the winner will receive this state-of-the-art ham radio, and a $200 gift card to Cracker Barrel.
Oh, I want that gift card.
I want that radio.
- Hey, Doily.
- Hey.
Freaking Don.
I don't know what my ex-wife Cynthia sees in him.
Those friends of yours, Vern? No, I'm pretty sure those guys wanna kill me.
Lose the bad attitude, man.
We're gonna kill them.
We're athletes.
They're not athletes.
No, I mean it, man, those guys hate me.
They vowed they're gonna murder me the day they got out of prison.
I don't know.
They were always cool with me.
Hey.
[whispering.]
Then why does it say "Kill Vern" on their knuckles? Huh.
I never noticed that.
They are such jokers, man.
Let's have some fun.
Go, P.
A.
L.
S.
[doorbell rings.]
Oh, uh, um okay.
[indistinct whispering.]
I am ready to party.
Okay, it's not a party.
It's a kickback.
Right.
- Hi.
- Hey, is this the party? - Yeah, it's a party - Yeah, alright.
Okay, hi, how are you? - Mwah.
- Good.
Hey, I invited a couple of my friends.
- Is that cool? - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah? Alright, come on in, y'all.
Wow, that's big.
Put that in the kitchen.
Get that going on the table.
These are all your friends? - Oh no, that's dangerous.
- Okay.
Nice to meet you all.
Yeah.
When you're standing in one of these crop circles, you'll notice the grass is actually woven together.
Okay, okay, thank you, Walt.
Maybe someone else would like to share.
Maybe something a little more on topic.
Yah, I miss prison.
I love my life there.
I had discipline.
I knew who I was, you know? I mean, truth be told, I would do anything to get my ass back inside.
Anything.
Now, that's fairly common.
And I would suggest taking some CrossFit classes.
Maybe sleeping in your closet for a while.
You know, I'd like to share.
I feel sad for Mitch Doily, who never wins.
And, uh, I feel happy for his sweet ex-wife Cynthia who now has me as a lover.
Suck it, Don.
Okay, thanks, Don.
Who else? Me.
I got a friend who feels Vengeful.
vengeful.
Towards a certain person who really screwed him and his twin brother over.
This person pinned [bleep.]
on him.
And they were sent to solitary confinement for a year.
Well, maybe this person was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Well, maybe this person better watch out, because my friend and his brother ain't too happy about it.
Man, I'd hate to be that person.
Yeah, that person out there's in some serious danger.
Hello! Does nobody else here realize this person they're talking about is me? WOMAN: Vernon! You're projecting.
Okay, not everything is about you.
Okay? Alright.
That is good work, everyone.
We did good work today.
Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Go down to your birthday suit Who cares who's watching you Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo [unintelligible.]
So get on down to your birthday suit Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to check out my stained glass window alone.
Yes.
Yes, of course, I would, please.
Take me to your window.
Ain't no shame in your underwear One more step, then we'll be there Just come with me Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo MAN: Hey, guys, I heard there's a stained glass window up here.
Wow.
I mean, that's a real stained glass window.
Yeah, hey, Derrick, Justin, check out this room up there, - this window, man.
- Jeffery? I mean, I've never seen anything like this before.
It's amazing.
- Look at the craftsmanship.
- [indistinct chatter.]
Hey, everybody, check out this stained glass window.
It's amazing.
Mabel.
You are doing a really bad job at distracting Lloyd's friends.
Let's get everyone back downstairs.
- Okay, I got it.
- Okay.
Who wants to do keg stands? ALL: [cheering.]
ALL: [laughing.]
- Hey, Bill.
- Hey, Vance.
One Neutral Light, please.
Here you go.
Neutral Light? Real classy there, Ron.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, Neutral Light, prince of beers.
Both Neutral and Light.
The last time I drank a Neutral Light was as a dare in college.
Hey, Blake, remind me.
Where was it you went to college? Uh, you might have heard of it.
Harvard! Boom! You just got the H bomb dropped on you.
I myself am a Phoenix University man.
Went there on a full lacrosse scholarship.
How 'bout you, Ronnie? Where'd you go? Uh where'd I go? Um Actually, Ronnie was a self-starter.
He didn't need college or a second half-ass school.
Well, that's impressive.
And, um, what was your industry? Uh, you know, um - Just boats.
- Mm-hmm.
Actually, he had his own television show.
"Onboard with Ronnie.
" I'm sure you saw it.
- And a new baby, I presume.
- Uh-huh, yeah.
You must so proud.
Have you thought of some names? - I got one - Actually, we have.
If it's a boy, it's gonna be Ronford Junior.
Although those are pretty big footsteps to fill.
I couldn't ask for a better man to be by my side.
Now you got one on both sides.
Can you imagine? Okay, next up is Vernon Brown.
[indistinct whispers.]
Huh-uh.
Vernon, this exercise is all about trust.
And it's important that you trust them.
I don't though.
I'm not doing it.
Well, you have to, otherwise our team's gonna be disqualified.
We'll have to pay for Cracker Barrel food.
Come on.
You know, technically, anyone from your team can fall.
Okay, great, I'll do it.
Vernon, I'll take your place.
You're being ridiculous.
I'm gonna show you just how much I can trust, buddy.
Mitch, I don't think that we can catch you from that high up.
Vernon, watch this.
Oh my God, go, go, go, go! It's e-e-e-e-easy! ALL: [groans.]
- Doily, get up! - Doily Come on, man! [laughs.]
That was fun, fellas.
[chanting.]
Chug, chug, chug, chug.
[metal clangs.]
[gasps.]
I'm too drunk to feel pain? I'm too drunk to feel pain! ALL: [cheering.]
You think that guy was a real doctor? Oh my God, I hope so Oh my.
My special, special couple.
I'd like to invite you both to come inside my special, special place.
Hmm? My private seagull.
Nice.
Wouldn't it be a shame to end the evening here? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? [indistinct party chatter.]
This is it, Deb.
We get to role with the top stallions now.
Oh, Ronnie, that's great.
You know what? I think I'm just gonna go try find something to eat and head to the room.
Smoke probably isn't good for the baby.
You should go.
- Really? You sure? - Yes! Yes! Ronnie, this is important.
You go get 'em.
COY: Ronnie? [moaning.]
[indistinct party noises.]
[laughing.]
That is so hot.
Mammoth.
How'd you know? I guessed.
Hey, you know if you mix Schnapps with coffee liqueur, it tastes it tastes like - [vomiting.]
- [screaming.]
Mabel! Oh, really? Not my I'm sorry, Charlotte.
I just I don't think tonight's our night.
- [vomiting.]
- [screaming.]
- Oh my God, that's - I'll get a bucket.
Uh, uh, hold it, hold it.
Come on, come on, bathroom, let's go.
Vernon, I just overheard the Roberts twins saying they're gonna shank you at the finish line.
I'm starting to think they're bad dudes.
Welcome to the party.
I got an idea.
Hey, Hank.
You still homesick for prison? With every fiber of my whole being.
You got no idea.
You know, inside, I was Hank the Shank, you know? Out here, I'm just Henry Dupree, the man who stabbed his wife's lover with a sharpened toothbrush.
I'll tell you what.
I got an idea that might help the two of us.
You see these two guys standing over here.
Come here, check this out.
I never did like those two.
Ew.
Luxury clotted cream? - Gross.
- Here's Ronnie.
I got the cure for the cravings.
I got the waffles.
I got the hash browns.
I got the chicken.
Yes, yes! You read my mind.
For the babies.
Ronford Junior and I are pretty simpatico.
The kid has good taste in hash browns.
What happened to the cigar lounge and the stallions? Uh, I figured I'd have more fun with you two.
Besides, thanks for having my back down there.
[laughs.]
It wasn't easy.
Yeah, I know you don't have a lot to work with.
- What's that? - What? Ronford Junior? Is that you? You want mama and dada to push the bed together? Have a family sleepover? Don't push your luck.
[laughs.]
- Baby's wishes, you know? - [laughs.]
You know, maybe it would be more comfortable for the baby.
For the baby.
I don't I want your hands above the covers all night.
It's not my hands you have to worry about.
[laughs.]
Oh God.
[groans.]
Let's see.
What do we got here.
Okay.
On your mark.
Get set.
Go! We're going so fast, I feel like Usain Bolt.
Vernon, they're gaining on us.
It's shanking time.
[screams.]
[cheering.]
[indistinct yelling.]
We did it! Yeah! [indistinct yelling.]
Did you see the cheetahs in the backyard last night? I thought those were painted cats.
No.
RONNIE: '98 Dodge Neon, please.
Oh boy.
Look who it is.
A butthole attached to a neck.
You missed an epic time last night.
We smoked like a million cigars.
My lungs burn so good right now.
[laughs.]
[coughing.]
Can you get tuberculous in one night? We had a big breakfast this morning.
And everything taste like a fine cigar.
That's how you know you had a good time.
Well, we had an amazing night just doing our own thing.
Yeah, that's right.
And breakfast tasted like breakfast.
- [horn honks.]
- Yawn.
Alright, saddle up.
We need you to get to Smoking Little Hair of the Dog.
It'll fix you right up.
Sir, a little something for you.
Keep the change.
Kazah! Did you really have a good time last night? Yeah, I did.
Me, too.
I should call and check in on Vernon and Charlotte.
[phone ringing.]
Debbie.
Nope, everything is great.
Nope.
I told you you could trust me.
Okay.
I'll see you when you get home.
[glasses shattering.]
What the hell? You said I could trust you.
Your mama is gonna be pissed.
[glasses shattering.]
At me or at you, because you said you were gonna stay and then you left, so Well played.
Better get me a bag.
Hi, guys.
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.
Whoo, pretty big weekend.
But I'm pretty jetlagged, so I'm gonna catch up with y'all later.
Ronnie, you can't get jetlag from road trips.
So how was the weekend alone? - Good, good.
- Yeah.
How was yours? - It was good.
- VERN: Good.
What'd you guys do? Um, we just played some card games and - Watched "Slap Fighter.
" - a movie, hmm.
"Slap Fighter Four: Still Slapping.
" Yeah.
It was really good.
The guy comes back at the end and slaps him with a foot instead of his hand.
- VERN: It was pretty cool.
- Yeah.
What the hell? Whose are these? VERN: Um, I was looking for a place to put these, and put them in the wrong place.
Vern nice, Vern.
I'm gonna assume you had this conversation with your mom.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm all good, thanks.
BOTH: [imitating explosion.]
[grunting.]
Through the fire.
[grunting.]
Flaming arrow.
[imitating soaring arrows.]
[groaning.]
Oh, hey, Vernon.
How are my two favorite parolees, huh? We saw you yesterday, Doily.
Yeah, but you can't hug through prison bars.
Not for a lack of trying.
Better watch your mouth, Ronnie.
I might just have what it takes to make it in this business.
You wanna make it with me, Ronnie? One of you is the father of this baby.
But apparently we're not gonna know who anytime soon.
If it's April 3rd, that means it's Deb's birthday.
I gotta go.
[indistinct chatter.]
[alarm sounds.]
MAN: Roberts twins, time to go.
- You can talk to the hand? - Hmm? [smack.]
ALL: Ooh.
- Ow.
- Good God.
Wow.
Where are you off to? Are you finally running away? Ronnie has a retreat at his boss's house this weekend, and he asked me to come along.
That's right.
It's for those of us who like the finer things in life.
Mansions, shrimps, flying buttresses, mansion servants.
It's also gonna be at a mansion.
Wait, so this party's at a mansion? You're gonna need help packing? No.
All set.
[grunting.]
I'll be in the car.
VERNON: Drive safe.
Seems like you two got a pretty hot and heavy weekend planned.
So that's why Ronnie showered this morning.
Not that it's any of your business, but I've been assured there's two double beds in the guestroom.
You know, if you push them together, you'll have a giant love nest? I just need you two on your best behavior while I'm gone, okay? Keep an eye on her, please.
Mom, I'm 16.
I don't need a babysitter.
It's a good point.
Look after him instead.
And don't spend it on fast food.
CHARLOTTE: I won't! - I was talking to your dad.
- CHARLOTTE: Bye, love you.
- Drive safe.
- Love you.
You know, I'm a little offended that your mother doesn't trust us enough to act in a responsible fashion over the weekend.
- We're responsible.
- I know.
I do have couple of buddies that run an illegal poker game out of the back of a pizza joint downtown.
We could double our money.
[laughs.]
I'll go get my shoes.
[indistinct chatter.]
Boom! Aces full of jacks! I'm on a heater round, you're not gonna remember me again.
Well, that was your child support money.
But I guess that just cuts out the middle man.
Hey, there you are.
I thought I'd find you here.
You know they say best friends can read each other's minds.
Doily, I told you they were here.
You only agreed to come when you got hungry.
That's true.
Guys, have a seat.
I'll deal you in.
Oh, no, no, no.
We gotta go, come on.
It's P.
A.
L.
S.
weekend: Parolee And Lawman Social.
Weekend dedicated to team building between parole officers and their parolees.
Wait, wait, this is a thing? It sounds highly volatile.
It could be dangerous, but fun.
You know, I promised her mom that I'd stick around, keep an eye on her.
Oh yeah.
No biggie.
If you wanna go back to jail and violate your parole, fine.
He ain't bluffing, Vern.
He said he was gonna tase me if I didn't get in the car.
- Then he tased me.
- I did, I did.
- Twice.
- [laughing.]
- It's not funny.
- Sorta.
You know what, Dad, you need to go.
Okay, I don't need a babysitter.
I'm fine.
- You can trust me.
- Are you sure? Man, if your mom finds out, she'll kill me.
Have fun, you deserve it.
Alright.
Do me a favor though.
Just keep an eye on Dwayne, alright? He's had kind of a rough year.
DOILY: Alright, let's go.
Turns out, getting a job isn't a hellish nightmare I thought'd it be.
Plus, I get to take you on a "romantical" weekends like this.
Just a reminder, treating me to fancy weekends does not mean sex.
Alright.
Ah.
You want me to put that in the Ronnie pocket for you? No, babe.
We can get fresh ones.
We're above purse snacks now.
Ooh.
We're living the good life.
Care for a mask? Oh, we're good, thank you.
What? Dang, everything's so big.
Look, Ronnie, it's a champagne fountain.
Look at the curtain rings.
So, it's true what they say.
Behind every great man is a woman.
And behind that woman is me.
Bonjour.
Ronnie, you didn't tell me this was a masquerade party.
Oh, it's not.
Hello Deb, meet Coy.
He's the genius behind this whole operation.
Your Ronnie here is one of my top stallions.
I got big plans for him.
[laughs.]
You talking top stallions over here? - My ears are burning.
- Excuse me, boys, but I am going to trot this mare over to the bar.
Clipity-clopy, clipity-clop.
You guys really likes horses.
What are you doing here, Pony Boy? Coy personally invited me.
Coy personally invited everyone, you idiot.
It's his house.
Just because you're hanging out with the stallions, doesn't mean you're gonna be invited into Coy's inner-sanctum.
- Oh.
- His private cigar lounge.
That's where only the top stallions run unbridled.
Oh, I can outrun any stallion.
Yeah? [crunch.]
Even got my own cigar.
You're a real class act, Ronnie.
- Let's get out here, Blake.
- See ya there.
[spitting.]
[door dings.]
Oh my God.
I can't believe that worked.
I know, that was so much fun.
I wish my parents would leave town every once in a while.
Or the house, really.
Wait, what time are Lloyd's friends coming over? Uh, I think I told him 8.
I need to have everyone out by 10, so me and Lloyd can have some alone time.
Got it.
Good thing you got prophylactics.
- Got what? - These, condoms.
Okay, Mabel, you don't have to show the world.
You know, I read in "Cosmo" that it's good for an independent feminist to carry her own box of condoms.
That could have helped my mom at least 1 or 14 times.
What the hell you got us into here, son? Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Hi, Timmy.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, Spider.
In addition to the Best P.
A.
L.
title, the winner will receive this state-of-the-art ham radio, and a $200 gift card to Cracker Barrel.
Oh, I want that gift card.
I want that radio.
- Hey, Doily.
- Hey.
Freaking Don.
I don't know what my ex-wife Cynthia sees in him.
Those friends of yours, Vern? No, I'm pretty sure those guys wanna kill me.
Lose the bad attitude, man.
We're gonna kill them.
We're athletes.
They're not athletes.
No, I mean it, man, those guys hate me.
They vowed they're gonna murder me the day they got out of prison.
I don't know.
They were always cool with me.
Hey.
[whispering.]
Then why does it say "Kill Vern" on their knuckles? Huh.
I never noticed that.
They are such jokers, man.
Let's have some fun.
Go, P.
A.
L.
S.
[doorbell rings.]
Oh, uh, um okay.
[indistinct whispering.]
I am ready to party.
Okay, it's not a party.
It's a kickback.
Right.
- Hi.
- Hey, is this the party? - Yeah, it's a party - Yeah, alright.
Okay, hi, how are you? - Mwah.
- Good.
Hey, I invited a couple of my friends.
- Is that cool? - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah? Alright, come on in, y'all.
Wow, that's big.
Put that in the kitchen.
Get that going on the table.
These are all your friends? - Oh no, that's dangerous.
- Okay.
Nice to meet you all.
Yeah.
When you're standing in one of these crop circles, you'll notice the grass is actually woven together.
Okay, okay, thank you, Walt.
Maybe someone else would like to share.
Maybe something a little more on topic.
Yah, I miss prison.
I love my life there.
I had discipline.
I knew who I was, you know? I mean, truth be told, I would do anything to get my ass back inside.
Anything.
Now, that's fairly common.
And I would suggest taking some CrossFit classes.
Maybe sleeping in your closet for a while.
You know, I'd like to share.
I feel sad for Mitch Doily, who never wins.
And, uh, I feel happy for his sweet ex-wife Cynthia who now has me as a lover.
Suck it, Don.
Okay, thanks, Don.
Who else? Me.
I got a friend who feels Vengeful.
vengeful.
Towards a certain person who really screwed him and his twin brother over.
This person pinned [bleep.]
on him.
And they were sent to solitary confinement for a year.
Well, maybe this person was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Well, maybe this person better watch out, because my friend and his brother ain't too happy about it.
Man, I'd hate to be that person.
Yeah, that person out there's in some serious danger.
Hello! Does nobody else here realize this person they're talking about is me? WOMAN: Vernon! You're projecting.
Okay, not everything is about you.
Okay? Alright.
That is good work, everyone.
We did good work today.
Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Go down to your birthday suit Who cares who's watching you Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo [unintelligible.]
So get on down to your birthday suit Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to check out my stained glass window alone.
Yes.
Yes, of course, I would, please.
Take me to your window.
Ain't no shame in your underwear One more step, then we'll be there Just come with me Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo Take it off, take it off, whoo-hoo MAN: Hey, guys, I heard there's a stained glass window up here.
Wow.
I mean, that's a real stained glass window.
Yeah, hey, Derrick, Justin, check out this room up there, - this window, man.
- Jeffery? I mean, I've never seen anything like this before.
It's amazing.
- Look at the craftsmanship.
- [indistinct chatter.]
Hey, everybody, check out this stained glass window.
It's amazing.
Mabel.
You are doing a really bad job at distracting Lloyd's friends.
Let's get everyone back downstairs.
- Okay, I got it.
- Okay.
Who wants to do keg stands? ALL: [cheering.]
ALL: [laughing.]
- Hey, Bill.
- Hey, Vance.
One Neutral Light, please.
Here you go.
Neutral Light? Real classy there, Ron.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, Neutral Light, prince of beers.
Both Neutral and Light.
The last time I drank a Neutral Light was as a dare in college.
Hey, Blake, remind me.
Where was it you went to college? Uh, you might have heard of it.
Harvard! Boom! You just got the H bomb dropped on you.
I myself am a Phoenix University man.
Went there on a full lacrosse scholarship.
How 'bout you, Ronnie? Where'd you go? Uh where'd I go? Um Actually, Ronnie was a self-starter.
He didn't need college or a second half-ass school.
Well, that's impressive.
And, um, what was your industry? Uh, you know, um - Just boats.
- Mm-hmm.
Actually, he had his own television show.
"Onboard with Ronnie.
" I'm sure you saw it.
- And a new baby, I presume.
- Uh-huh, yeah.
You must so proud.
Have you thought of some names? - I got one - Actually, we have.
If it's a boy, it's gonna be Ronford Junior.
Although those are pretty big footsteps to fill.
I couldn't ask for a better man to be by my side.
Now you got one on both sides.
Can you imagine? Okay, next up is Vernon Brown.
[indistinct whispers.]
Huh-uh.
Vernon, this exercise is all about trust.
And it's important that you trust them.
I don't though.
I'm not doing it.
Well, you have to, otherwise our team's gonna be disqualified.
We'll have to pay for Cracker Barrel food.
Come on.
You know, technically, anyone from your team can fall.
Okay, great, I'll do it.
Vernon, I'll take your place.
You're being ridiculous.
I'm gonna show you just how much I can trust, buddy.
Mitch, I don't think that we can catch you from that high up.
Vernon, watch this.
Oh my God, go, go, go, go! It's e-e-e-e-easy! ALL: [groans.]
- Doily, get up! - Doily Come on, man! [laughs.]
That was fun, fellas.
[chanting.]
Chug, chug, chug, chug.
[metal clangs.]
[gasps.]
I'm too drunk to feel pain? I'm too drunk to feel pain! ALL: [cheering.]
You think that guy was a real doctor? Oh my God, I hope so Oh my.
My special, special couple.
I'd like to invite you both to come inside my special, special place.
Hmm? My private seagull.
Nice.
Wouldn't it be a shame to end the evening here? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? [indistinct party chatter.]
This is it, Deb.
We get to role with the top stallions now.
Oh, Ronnie, that's great.
You know what? I think I'm just gonna go try find something to eat and head to the room.
Smoke probably isn't good for the baby.
You should go.
- Really? You sure? - Yes! Yes! Ronnie, this is important.
You go get 'em.
COY: Ronnie? [moaning.]
[indistinct party noises.]
[laughing.]
That is so hot.
Mammoth.
How'd you know? I guessed.
Hey, you know if you mix Schnapps with coffee liqueur, it tastes it tastes like - [vomiting.]
- [screaming.]
Mabel! Oh, really? Not my I'm sorry, Charlotte.
I just I don't think tonight's our night.
- [vomiting.]
- [screaming.]
- Oh my God, that's - I'll get a bucket.
Uh, uh, hold it, hold it.
Come on, come on, bathroom, let's go.
Vernon, I just overheard the Roberts twins saying they're gonna shank you at the finish line.
I'm starting to think they're bad dudes.
Welcome to the party.
I got an idea.
Hey, Hank.
You still homesick for prison? With every fiber of my whole being.
You got no idea.
You know, inside, I was Hank the Shank, you know? Out here, I'm just Henry Dupree, the man who stabbed his wife's lover with a sharpened toothbrush.
I'll tell you what.
I got an idea that might help the two of us.
You see these two guys standing over here.
Come here, check this out.
I never did like those two.
Ew.
Luxury clotted cream? - Gross.
- Here's Ronnie.
I got the cure for the cravings.
I got the waffles.
I got the hash browns.
I got the chicken.
Yes, yes! You read my mind.
For the babies.
Ronford Junior and I are pretty simpatico.
The kid has good taste in hash browns.
What happened to the cigar lounge and the stallions? Uh, I figured I'd have more fun with you two.
Besides, thanks for having my back down there.
[laughs.]
It wasn't easy.
Yeah, I know you don't have a lot to work with.
- What's that? - What? Ronford Junior? Is that you? You want mama and dada to push the bed together? Have a family sleepover? Don't push your luck.
[laughs.]
- Baby's wishes, you know? - [laughs.]
You know, maybe it would be more comfortable for the baby.
For the baby.
I don't I want your hands above the covers all night.
It's not my hands you have to worry about.
[laughs.]
Oh God.
[groans.]
Let's see.
What do we got here.
Okay.
On your mark.
Get set.
Go! We're going so fast, I feel like Usain Bolt.
Vernon, they're gaining on us.
It's shanking time.
[screams.]
[cheering.]
[indistinct yelling.]
We did it! Yeah! [indistinct yelling.]
Did you see the cheetahs in the backyard last night? I thought those were painted cats.
No.
RONNIE: '98 Dodge Neon, please.
Oh boy.
Look who it is.
A butthole attached to a neck.
You missed an epic time last night.
We smoked like a million cigars.
My lungs burn so good right now.
[laughs.]
[coughing.]
Can you get tuberculous in one night? We had a big breakfast this morning.
And everything taste like a fine cigar.
That's how you know you had a good time.
Well, we had an amazing night just doing our own thing.
Yeah, that's right.
And breakfast tasted like breakfast.
- [horn honks.]
- Yawn.
Alright, saddle up.
We need you to get to Smoking Little Hair of the Dog.
It'll fix you right up.
Sir, a little something for you.
Keep the change.
Kazah! Did you really have a good time last night? Yeah, I did.
Me, too.
I should call and check in on Vernon and Charlotte.
[phone ringing.]
Debbie.
Nope, everything is great.
Nope.
I told you you could trust me.
Okay.
I'll see you when you get home.
[glasses shattering.]
What the hell? You said I could trust you.
Your mama is gonna be pissed.
[glasses shattering.]
At me or at you, because you said you were gonna stay and then you left, so Well played.
Better get me a bag.
Hi, guys.
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.
Whoo, pretty big weekend.
But I'm pretty jetlagged, so I'm gonna catch up with y'all later.
Ronnie, you can't get jetlag from road trips.
So how was the weekend alone? - Good, good.
- Yeah.
How was yours? - It was good.
- VERN: Good.
What'd you guys do? Um, we just played some card games and - Watched "Slap Fighter.
" - a movie, hmm.
"Slap Fighter Four: Still Slapping.
" Yeah.
It was really good.
The guy comes back at the end and slaps him with a foot instead of his hand.
- VERN: It was pretty cool.
- Yeah.
What the hell? Whose are these? VERN: Um, I was looking for a place to put these, and put them in the wrong place.
Vern nice, Vern.
I'm gonna assume you had this conversation with your mom.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm all good, thanks.
BOTH: [imitating explosion.]
[grunting.]
Through the fire.
[grunting.]
Flaming arrow.
[imitating soaring arrows.]
[groaning.]
Oh, hey, Vernon.