The Exes (2011) s02e06 Episode Script

Yeah, this place is happening tonight.
I'm gonna go check out the lady at the bar with the long, silky hair.
Been there, done that.
You have? - No, you have.
- Oh, oh, oh.
That's Gina.
Great sex.
Said you'd call.
Never did.
Oh.
Haskell, Haskell, wall me.
Hi, hello.
How are you? Hey! Phil! Hey! - Karen.
- Karen! How you been, girl? I've been all right.
I had a great time on our date.
Prince concert.
Madison square garden.
Was the little purple man on fire or what? So, Phil Why didn't you ever call? Karen, this is gonna sound like a line.
That's why I'm hesitant to say it, all right? I lost your number.
- Then let me give it to you.
- Okay.
Watch this.
Saving it.
I'll call you, baby.
At it again, huh, Phil? Holly.
Lawyer.
Landlady.
I mean, why do you play games with these women? If you're not gonna call, why even lead them on? Stuart.
Roommate.
Girly-man.
Listen, I'm just trying to be sensitive.
What do you think a woman would rather hear? "I'll call you baby," or, "Ride's over, don't forget your valuables"? That is just-- that's beautiful.
You're like the patron saint of the hump and dump.
Uh-oh.
Nicole.
Preschool teacher.
Weekend in Vegas.
Wall me, Haskell.
Hi, there.
- Eden.
- Hi, hi.
Glad to see surrogacy hasn't slowed down your social life.
Are you kidding? There's a ton of preggo freaks out there.
This one wants to put me in a onesie.
Well, you do look beautiful.
You've got that glow.
Aw.
Take a number.
Is that Stuart Gardner, D.
D.
S.
? - Jerry.
- Hey.
Holly, this is my old neighbor Jerry Kunkle.
Hello.
Look at you, scaling mount sexy.
No, no.
Holly's just a friend.
Although I've climbed plenty of mountains since the divorce.
Yeah.
You know, I've-- I've scaled-- He's trying to say he's had sex.
Awesome.
I'm glad to see those "Poor Stuart" rumors aren't true.
- What rumors? - You know.
Broken man, wallowing in self-pity, a shell of your former self.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who's saying that? Oh, you know.
Everybody.
Anyhoo, we're gonna miss you at the club's annual ballroom dance.
It is going to be off the hizzy.
Well, this year, I thought it would be a little awkward to come.
Oh, that's too bad.
You and Lorna were always the big stars.
Now it'll just be Lorna.
Lorna's going? Yeah, with a date.
Oh, gosh, did I let the cat out of the bag? No, no, no.
It's okay.
No, no, good for her.
Yeah.
- Anyhoo.
- Yeah.
Jerbear's got to bounce.
Laters.
- Stuart, are you okay? - Well, no.
Not according to my old neighbors, I'm not.
I just-- I wish I could go to this dance and show Lorna and everybody else that I'm doing great.
What if you did go? What if you had a partner? A fabulous partner? A partner whose mother ran a dance studio? A partner who has taken ballet since she was five? Really? Damn right, really.
Come on! Mount sexy wants to shake her groove thing.
- What do you say? - What do I say? Pine Glen annual ballroom dance gala and restless leg syndrome fundraiser, here we come! We lost our homes we lost our wives three strangers, what we gonna do? our divorce lawyer said she'll put a roof over our head yeah, she came to our rescue she's where we go when our hearts are broken where we turn when we finally learn Oh, hey, Haskell, listen.
You're gonna have to fend for yourself for dinner tonight.
I have my first dance practice with Holly.
You're not the only one in this apartment who knows how to dance.
Mother taught me.
Every day after school, she'd say, "Forget the boy scouts.
Pour yourself a scotch, and let's cha-cha.
" Wow.
The only thing missing from that story is the bates motel.
Kendra, that was fun.
Sure was.
What a lovely apartment.
Take it in, and then best to let it go.
Mmm.
I'll see you around, baby.
Oh, I left my purse in the bedroom.
Be right back.
So where'd you meet this lovely lady who we'll never see again? At this great new bar that's chock-full of babes that don't know me, so there are no chances of the awkward bump-ins.
So that's it? You're just gonna have sex with one beautiful woman after another? Wait, when I said that in my head, it sounded bad.
Found it.
Great.
Let me call you a cab.
You don't have to do that.
Kendra, I insist.
No, you really don't have to do that.
I live in the building.
What? Yeah, one flight up.
I just moved in last week.
What are the chances, huh? I'll see you around, baby.
Phil.
Roommate.
Screwed.
Entree.
Wow.
Look at you.
Yeah, I dusted off my old outfit from sixth grade.
Holly, when I RSVP'd for the gala, the club's Facebook page went crazy.
They're calling it "Return of the King.
" Wait till Lorna sees us out there on the dance floor.
Mm.
Well, let's do it.
This body's craving la danse.
Now all we need is the right routine.
- Mm.
- I've got it, I've got it.
How about the paso doble.
Let's doble.
Sur place! Sur place! Okay, that wasn't very good.
No, it really wasn't.
Stuart, do you mind if I give you some constructive criticism? - Me? - Yeah.
You need to feel the music.
You got to loosen up, you know? You can't let this get in the way of that.
Watch.
Any questions? Nope.
I'm speechless.
Hold the elevator! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! - Oh! Hey, Phil! - Hey.
How you doing, neighbor? Good, good, good.
Super busy.
Super.
I was gonna call you.
Then I got super busy.
Super.
No worries, it's cool.
I had a packed day myself.
Wall-to-wall meetings.
So we're cool? Of course.
Why wouldn't I be? I just figured you'd be upset 'cause I said I'd call you, and then I didn't.
Oh, Phil.
I don't have time for games like that.
I mean, we had a good time.
No commitments.
You don't owe me anything.
I don't? That's beautiful.
And so are you.
So what are you thinking about right now? I'm thinking this is your floor.
Oh, right, yeah.
This is my floor.
This is-- this is where I live.
So, uh, anyway, Kendra, we should get together again.
Sure.
I'll call you, baby.
Guess who I just ran into in the elevator? Kendra.
So the stalking begins.
No, no.
It's nothing like that.
She was cool, man.
As a matter of fact, we're going out again.
- When? - Soon.
She said, "I'll call you, baby.
" Isn't that what you say when you want to blow somebody off? Oh, no, no, no, no.
I say, "I'll call you, baby.
" She said, "I'll call you, baby.
" Hear the difference? Not in the least.
That's 'cause you don't have the ear.
You're not attuned to the music of the mating dance.
I can hear when a guy's lying to himself.
So, Stu, how'd the practice go with Holly? It was horrible.
It was the most frightening hour of my life.
It was like being chased by a mother ostrich who was protecting her young.
So what are you smiling about? This? No, this is just a thin wall between me and a total breakdown.
You're scaring me.
You look like mother when she went through the change.
Lorna was terrible at first, but I turned her into a great dancer, and I'm gonna do the same thing with Holly.
You do realize you're bleeding through your sock.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
The pain is unbearable.
- Ahh.
- Wow.
You've even got mother's limp.
Guess who's coming over for dinner tonight.
That's right.
Kendra.
So she finally called, huh? Uh, no, actually, I called her, and it's a good thing I did.
Turns out she lost my number.
Isn't that what you say when you're gonna blow somebody off? No.
I say, "I lost your number.
" She said, "I lost your n--" I'm through with this game! Okay.
I'm in trouble, Haskell.
Holly's dancing has actually gotten worse.
At some point, it was no longer dancing, I was just getting my ass kicked.
You know what? I got to back out of this thing now.
I mean, you know, better not to show up at all than to be humiliated.
You've just described the Lutz family motto: If it's worth doing, it's worth backing out of.
Oh, hey, Stuart.
Oh, hey, Holly.
Listen.
I'm glad you came by.
I forgot to tell you how much the last few days have meant to me.
Well, they've had a big impact on me too.
Listen, I appreciate the solid effort-- You know, I've never told anybody this, but my mother actually thought my dancing stunk.
- Really? - Yeah.
And how exactly did she break that to you? It was the night of the spring dance recital, and I was about to go on.
She replaced me with my younger sister Jill.
I had to stand in the wings and watch, devastated.
Wow.
So she just sort of ripped it off like a band-aid, huh? I just want to say that Dancing with you has given me the opportunity to get over a really painful part of my childhood.
So thank you.
You're welcome.
It's gonna be great.
Oh.
It's gonna be magical.
Ow! So Kendra never showed up, huh? I don't want to talk about it.
Who accepts a date with someone and then doesn't show? If she doesn't realize how great you are, then she doesn't deserve you.
Oh, no.
You're pitying me.
I liked it better when you were mocking me.
Me too.
You're a moron.
She's never gonna show.
I tell you one thing.
I'm through with this girl.
I mean, I can't believe I let her play me.
Nobody plays Phil chase! Well, well, well.
Look who's here.
Hey, honey.
No, no, no.
We're way past "honey.
" I'm sorry, baby.
I had a meeting that ran late.
So what? You couldn't call? You couldn't text? Do you know how hard I worked ordering that food? I hate seeing a frown on that adorable face.
Mmm.
No, no, no.
That's not gonna work.
I'm so mad at you.
I know.
Still mad? - Maybe a little less mad.
- Mmm.
How about now? I don't even remember what we were talking about.
Hey.
Hey, where are you going? I have a really early day, and you look so cute there, I didn't want to wake you up.
Oh, well, maybe we could do something tonight.
That would be amazing, except I have to leave town for a few days.
Mwah! Call me.
God, look at Lorna and her date dance.
They make a magnificent couple.
Okay, they're not bad.
But when we're done, jaws will drop.
That they will.
Brava! Well, I guess I should do the gracious thing and go say hi to Lorna.
Hey, don't let her get in her head.
Remember, you got this.
Right.
Hello, Lorna.
Hi, Stuart.
Well, I hate to admit it, but you and your date looked pretty great out there, although I think I did recognize some of my old moves.
Just a few.
Only kicked up a notch.
But I guess that's what life's about.
Moving on.
Improving.
Yeah, you said it.
Contrary to rumors, my life has never been better.
Good for you.
So you and this guy been seeing each other long? Let's just say Don and I enjoy each other's company.
- Oh.
- Great job, Lorna.
Although that lift was a little stiff.
Thanks, Don.
But we can work on it in my studio Monday morning.
Thanks, Don.
- Just call my office and-- - Thanks, Don.
You hired a professional dancer? So what? You can't do that.
That's against the rules.
There are no rules about that.
Well, there would be if I was still on the rules committee.
That is classic Stuart.
Always so rigid.
Never spontaneous.
Never taking chances.
No, no.
That's not true, Lorna.
I'm not the same guy I was a year ago.
Stuart, why can't you just be honest about what's really bothering you? You can't handle that I don't need you as a dance partner.
Well, you know what? I don't need you either.
You're not the only one with a new partner.
- Oh, great.
- Great.
Let's see this new Stuart.
- Oh, you're gonna see him.
- Let's see what you got.
- Yeah, you're gonna see it.
- Good.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, my God.
She's gonna see it.
- Ready, Haskell? - Go.
Hi, mom.
Guess what.
I've entered a dance contest.
And you once said that I couldn't walk and talk at the same time.
Well, look at me.
I'm walking and I'm talk-- And send.
Oh, my God, Holly.
Are you okay? No, I think I bruised my coccyx, but I think I can still dance.
No, no, you can't.
Stay down.
I don't want to disappoint you.
No, you won't, trust me.
Stay down.
I mean, you know, we can't take a chance of you hurting yourself more.
- Yeah.
- Ow! And now, coming up, the moment we've all been waiting for, the return of the king-- Dr.
Stuart Gardner and partner.
Well, I better go tell him what happened.
With Holly injured, at least now I can bow out of this gracefully.
Oryou could go for it.
What are you talking about? Look into my eyes.
Follow my lead.
And if I call you mother, ignore it.
Hey.
- Oh! - Look what we've got.
Congratulations.
You guys won.
No,we guys won.
Okay, I definitely missed something here.
Yes, you did.
You missed me proving to Lorna that I'm not afraid to take chances.
Who knew I would find redemption in this man's arms? I'm really happy for you, Stuart.
I just wish I hadn't fallen on my ass, so I could have helped you more.
Hey, you helped plenty.
Without you, Holly, I never would have had the guts to go to the dance in the first place.
In fact - Here, you earned this.
- Aww.
No, she didn't! You know what earning it is? on the porch with mother.
Kendra.
Hey, baby.
What a surprise.
Yeah, this is what you call going out of town? - My trip got cancelled.
I was gonna call you.
- Save it.
Just be honest with me.
I can take it.
If you're not into me, just say it.
I'm not into you.
Why? I mean I can change.
What did I do wrong? Tell me! - I think we'd better go.
- No! Um You've just lost the best thing you've ever had, woman.
The bets thing you've ever had! We agree this never happened? I already tweeted it.