The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s02e06 Episode Script

1
[Quint]
OK, Operation Catch A Zombie
starts now.
Step one: build traps.
Step two: test the traps.
We'll need a volunteer.
-Not it.
-Not it.
N Oh, man.
And step three:
set the traps, and lie in wait
until we catch a zombie.
And that means
[both]
Stakeout! Stakeout! Stakeout!
-Um
-Like in every cop movie.
And spy movie?
And good movie?!
Sitting around
watching stuff for hours
being all moody
Stakes. Out.
Stakeout!
This sounds like not a fun thing
that I really don't want to be
involved in.
But June, there's stakeout food.
-Greasy burgers.
-Soggy fries.
Chips. Dips.
Meatball subs, two at a time!
A stakeout smorgasbord!
I hate all the beginning stuff,
but I'm totally in it for the snacks!
Yes! And Jack should be back
with the food any minute.
Yeah, well, you might want
to check up on him.
Jack has some medium-rad qualities,
but staying on task
is not exactly his strong suit.
Yeah, that's his strong suit.
[dings]
[laughs]
Ugh!
See? This is the sort of hilarious stuff
you can look forward to
-on our stakeout.
-There's a suit!
-[theme music playing]
-[dings]
[shrieks]
[all scream]
-[heroic music playing]
-[narrator] Jack the Conqueror.
[snarling]
Thanks to Thrull's super cool instruction,
Jack was no longer a hero in training.
He was the real deal.
[narrator]
The Grand Taco
The Blue Plate Special
He also may have been hungry.
[narrator]
But he finally had something to fight for.
[snarls]
[screams]
-[narrator] A family.
-[pluck]
For his family of friends.
Yah!
[narrator]
He was always focused, always dependable,
and never, ever distracted from his
Ooh, butterfly!
-[narrator] Uh
-[Quint over radio] Jack, come in!
Uh, what was that?
-Oh, uh, Quint!
-[radio static]
What's going on? You OK?
[Quint into radio] Just checking
on your snack retrieval ETA.
How's it coming? Over.
Uh, sorry, bud, Rover and I
kind of took the long route,
but I have the list
and I am at Snack Central.
[Quint over radio] OK,
it's just that you disappeared
all day yesterday.
I quadruple-pinkie-swear-blood-brothers
promise I'll be there with the grub,
or else I'll forfeit our friendship
for eternity.
And you get all my comics.
[Rover barks]
[Quint over radio] Awesome!
Knew I could count on you, friend.
[whimpers]
I know, Rover.
The bestiary is super important,
but I promised I'd handle
the nosh retrieval.
-[monster shrieks]
-Ahh! Ha-ha!
Ahh! Ooph!
[monster shrieks]
Rover, I've been looking everywhere
for this thing.
Camobeast.
Super elusive.
Changing pigmentation allows it
to blend in anywhere.
Nearly impossible to get its essence.
Am I supposed to grab its tail
or its teeth?
Or the snacks
Hmm.
[in Dirk's voice]
Forget the food, Jack.
Finishing this bestiary
is the only thing that will protect you
and your friends.
Don't forget I said this.
You'll need it later for flashbacks.
Like this one.
Aww, the guys are going to be upset.
But I'm doing this for them.
[Rover snarls]
[shrieking]
-[Rover snarling, barking]
-[Jack laughing]
Let the trap testing begin!
[metal clanging]
-[creaks]
-[clicks]
Uhh! I am a crash test zombie!
Hmm?
Oh!
-[laughs]
-Aah!
Ah, brai uh, brains! Yum, yum
Ahh! Ugh! Ahh! Ugh!
-[clanking]
-Ah! Huh! Oh!
[laughs]
-[Dirk] Yah!
-Ahh!
[groaning] Oh!
[laughs] Ooph!
Uhh! I'm still hungry
-[thunking]
-[grunting]
Ah! Enough!
I'm done being your crash test zombie!
[whining] And I'm hungry.
Me too! Time for munchies!
And the stakeout!
I skipped lunch and everything!
Where the heck is Jerk Sullivan
with the grub?!
Um, I'll call him.
[coughs]
Again.
[shrieking, snarling]
[snarling]
[singsong voice]
Camobeast
-[shrieks]
-Oh, Camobeast
-[Quint over radio] Jack? Over!
-[growls]
-[Quint over radio] Hello? Over!
-[barks]
[shrieking, snarling]
-[into radio] I'm definitely still here!
-[snarls]
[into radio]
We're at the stakeout.
We're setting up
by the crashed plane on State Street.
-[Camobeast shrieks]
-[Rover barks]
[into radio] Uh, yeah,
sounds like a great planeuh, plan!
[Camobeast shrieks]
[on radio] OK.
But you've been quite distracted lately.
And some people
not naming names
are not sure we can count on you.
[into radio]
Wait, what?
-[Camobeast shrieks]
-[Rover barks]
[into radio] Aww,
some of it got in my mouth! [spits]
[on radio] In your mouth?
Are you eating our goodies already?!
Just try to stay focused!
We still got a zombie to catch!
[into radio]
That's a 10-4, good buddy.
But more importantly,
we got to catch the Camobeast.
Up that way!
[snarling]
[barks, growls]
Bajingo! A grocery store!
Two needs with one deed.
Am I right, Rover?
[barks]
Never mind. Now, stay.
[panting]
[suspenseful music]
[snuffling, grunting]
[snuffling, snarling]
-Gotcha!
-[shrieks]
[hisses, shrieks]
Great plan. Totally working!
Ugh! The list!
-Whoa! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ugh!
-[Camobeast snarling]
-Ahh!
-[Dirk over radio] Feed me, Jack!
-Feed me!
-[laughs]
[into radio]
Dirk drools when he's hangry.
-[Jane and Quint laugh]
-Do not!
[into radio] Uh! Hey!
Can you guys keep it down?
I'm working here!
[Camobeast snarling]
-[Quint] Jack, hurry!
-[Jane laughs]
-[Jane laughs] Dirk's gonna eat us!
-[Dirk] I might!
[into radio] Are you guys
having fun without me?
That is so not cool. Ah!
-[snarling]
-Ah!
No!
[snarls, chomps]
Aww, man!
Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
[shrieks]
[snuffling, shrieking]
[groaning]
[slurps]
[panting, barking]
Yes!
Got the essence for the bestiary
Aww, man.
[wind blows]
[Quint, Dirk, Jane laugh over radio]
Aww, man!
[whimpers, pants]
-[clanking]
-[Dirk, June grunting]
[all grunting]
-[clanking]
-[grunts]
[thumps]
[Dirk gasps] Zombie footprints!
Let us trap ourselves a zombie!
[drill buzzes]
[stomach growls]
Keep it down!
It's not me. It's my tummy, Hurley.
[stomach growls]
Then tell "Hurley" to keep it down!
I can't help it. I didn't agree to
a stakeout with no carbs!
No one did. And yet
No eats, not a real stakeout.
He'll be here!
Shh! I think we have one!
[zombie moaning]
[snarling]
No! Over this way!
[moaning]
-[cranking]
-Ah!
[Dirk, June, Quint]
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
It totally worked!
First time!
[crunches]
Awesome.
Only a couple hundred more bones to go.
-[Quint and Dirk laugh]
-'Cause I I don't get it.
[zombie moaning]
[Dirk, June, Quint laugh over radio]
Ha, ha, ha! We're having so much fun
without Jack.
He's so distracted all the time,
and can't get food.
Stay on target. Food, food, food.
Don't even know how much I do
for you guys.
I'm not appreciated in my own time.
[grumbling]
I food and all the
Hmm.
[stomach growls]
Quiet, Hurley.
[zombies moaning]
[moaning] Agh!
[muffled]
Yes! [gasps]
[moaning]
What a drag.
Not now, June. Not now.
-We'll get the next one.
-Ohh! You know what?
Ugh, after seeing that,
I'm not hungry anymore.
[stomach growls]
OK, now I'm hungry again.
[snarling]
[boings]
[electronic music playing]
[snarls]
[clicks]
-[clunks]
-[snarling]
-[gasps]
-[clunks]
[moaning]
-[moaning]
-[springs]
Aha! Huh?
[wind blowing]
[moaning]
[snoring]
Trap number eighteen.
This one'll do the trick.
[moaning]
[crashes]
-Yes!
-Got him!
-[snorts] Huh?
-[Quint and June] Yeah!
[screeches]
[snarls]
Hey! That's our zombie!
Bring it back!
We called dibs!
[screeches]
Argh! This is all Jack's fault!
He's not here, so it's his fault!
What are we going to do now?
Oh! I know! Uh, I got it!
What now?
Uh, uh, eh?
-A clam?
-A Velociraptor?
A hand butt?
No! It-it's Hand butt?
It's teeth, like the wrench!
They look like the bars of a cage.
We should build a cage!
That's great! We've got
lots of material around here.
We could recycle it into a zombie cage!
-Yes!
-Yeah-ha!
[June] Hand butt!
[Jack over radio] Hell-o?!
I can hear you.
This is Jack, in case you've forgotten me.
You got any more inside jokes
you don't want to share with me?
Hand butt? Over!
[into radio] Well, if you were here
like you said you'd be,
they wouldn't be inside jokes,
now, would they?
[into radio] And, more importantly,
if you were here, we'd have grub!
[whining] There's somebody here
who wants to talk to you.
[stomach growls]
[into radio] Cool your jets, Hurley.
I'm getting them as we speak.
I just had some questions about the list.
June, your handwriting is really messy
and I can't quite make out
what it was you wanted.
[over radio] Hold on.
I thought you already had everything.
[into radio] Oh, yeah, yeah,
mission accomplished
Just wanted to double check while I was,
you know, wrapping things up.
Ugh! Hah.
-Yuh?
-[suspenseful music playing]
[gasps]
Oh, Mama.
I really should not be in your nest.
[Camobeast roars, snarls]
[growls, snorts]
[growling]
-[June over radio] OK. To confirm,
-[gasps]
-I want the crunchy
-[shrieks]
-cheesy bites. The puffs, not curls!
-[snarls]
[snarling]
[growling]
-Puffs! Not curls! Got it?
-[snuffling]
[whispering] Oh, yeah, good.
That's super great, thanks.
Yeah, I can read that now. Much better,
June. Thank you for clarifying!
-[Quint] And more potato chips!
-[snarls]
[into radio] Hush. Over. Over, over, over!
Talking is over!
[grunting]
[snuffling]
Phew. Uh!
-[crashes]
-[groans]
[snarls]
[grunting]
[Dirk over radio on speakers]
Snack attack addendum!
-Hurley wants peanuts!
- [stomach growls]
[into radio]
Quiet, quiet, quiet!
-[snarls]
-Oh, boy.
[shrieks]
-[panting] Clean-up on aisle two!
-[shrieking]
-[shrieks]
-[thunks]
[snarling]
And aisle three, too.
Yuh. Ugh!
[grunts] Oh.
-[snarling]
-[crashing]
[roars, snuffling]
Uhh, guh!
-Whoa!
-[shrieks]
-Ugh.
-[shrieking]
-[shrieks]
-Whoa!
[gasping, panting]
[snarling]
[Quint in high-pitched voice over speaker]
Help. Oh, please, help me!
Do not come eat me!
I am not delicious, like potato chips!
I understand that we need something
to lure the zombie, but
why does it have to look like me?
You're the only one of us
who looks edible.
Excuse me?
Mostly because you shower.
It's just science.
[in high-pitched voice into mic]
Oh! Do not consume my flesh
like potato chips!
-I do not sound like that!
-Fine.
[in high-pitched voice into mic]
Like cheese puffs!
Better.
[clears throat]
[in high-pitched voice into mic]
My name is June and I'm a girl person.
Also, journalism.
[imitating Dirk into mic]
My name is Dirk,
and I have complex emotional problems
that make it hard for me
to connect to people.
That's offensive.
My emotional problems are not complex.
[into mic] My name is Jack,
and I'm totally overprotective,
but also, I abandoned my best friend
in the middle of a stakeout,
which is something
he was really excited about.
[Jack over radio] Hey! I heard that!
[chuckles] Whoa.
That sounds just like him.
[gasping, panting]
-[barking]
-[gasping]
[panting]
Maybe we lost her?
-[roars]
-Ahh!
-[Camobeast shrieking]
-[Rover panting]
Whoa-oa-oa-oa!
[gasps] Ahh!
Ugh.
[screeching]
[growls]
Ha ha!
That was totally my plan.
[popping]
OK, so, was all that test dummy stuff
just you getting your revenge on me
for like, picking on you at school?
No.
[popping]
Uh, maybe a little.
You don't just get over that stuff,
you know?
At least I don't.
It leaves a mark, Dirk.
Ha. You want to talk about
leaving a mark
Your traps did that, man!
That's nothing!
Just because you can't see mine
[sniffs] Doesn't mean they're not there.
[sniffs, groans]
[popping]
You guys want
some alone time or?
[blow raspberries]
[shrieking]
Now for some essence.
Tooth or tail, tooth or tail
Well, your tail just dissolves, so
[snarling]
[barks]
Rover! No!
[shrieks, roars]
Time for a new plan! Rover!
[Camobeast shrieks]
[whimpering]
[snarls]
[Quint]
You think Jack is OK out there?
[June]
He's fine, Quint.
He's just not very reliable.
His heart does seem,
most of the time,
to be in the right place, though.
June?
Do you like Jack?
Sounds like you like Jack.
Uh, what? [scoffs] No!
Go suck on a wrench!
-[horn blasts]
-Oh! Sorry.
-[screeching]
-[panting] Yah!
-[chomps]
-[Jack] Aww, come on!
If I give you all the goodies,
my friends will kill me
harder than you will!
[shrieks, chomps]
I could be wrong! Ah!
[shrieking]
But I miss them.
Every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[distant moaning]
[whispering]
Guys! I think we got one!
[moaning]
-See? Edible.
-Science.
[Quint over radio]
Jack! Good news!
The zombie's headed
right for the trap!
[shrieks, chomps]
Hurry! Or you'll miss everything!
-Aww, man!
-[chomps]
[into radio]
Quint! I'm almost there!
And I'm bringing company.
And I'm not distracted! Over!
Huh! Huh!
[growling]
[Rover grunts]
[panting] Unh!
[roars]
Ugh! In the event of an apocalypse,
your seat cushion
won't really be of much help at all.
-[screeches]
-[thuds]
[panting]
Oh, peanuts!
Ah!
[Camobeast roars]
[sniffs, snarls]
[panting] Ugh.
[moaning]
Jack?
-Hey, you guys! Ahh!
-[screeches]
[June]
No, no, no, no, no!
-Look out for the trap!
-Watch out!
[moaning]
-[panting]
-[shrieking]
-Zombie!
-Trap!
Jack! The trap! Zombie!
Ahh!
[snaps]
Ahh!
[zombie] Ooh!
[thunks]
[shrieks, roars]
-Uhh!
-[screeches]
[shrieks]
[Rover snarls]
[snarls]
[shrieks]
Huh?
[truck engine starts]
[tires squealing]
June?
[engine revs]
June?!
[brakes squeal]
-[clanks]
-[grunts]
-[moans]
-Oh, wow!
Nice work, guys!
-[Rover snuffling]
-[zombie moaning]
[barks]
Mission accomplished, Rover!
Oh, wait, not the tail. Buddy!
[sighs] No essence.
You were working on the bestiary?!
You were supposed to be here
on the stakeout
with snacks!
Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Here! Munchies?
Whoa! [laughs]
They're heavily salted and complimentary!
Score! [chomps]
[spits] They're stale!
[cries] I'm sorry, Hurley.
[stomach growls]
Well, OK, see,
I kind of had two tasks today.
Then you messed up both of 'em!
[all]
And we are still hungry, Jack!
[chomping]
OK, so, no essence and no food.
But we, uh, I mean you,
caught the zombie!
Good job, guys! Go team! High five!
No high five?
OK. Head butt?
It was hand butt, Jack.
And you had to be there.
I just tried to do both, guys!
I was doing both! For you!
[groans]
Well, maybe the day
wasn't a total loss after all.
[chomps]
-[barks]
-Aw! Ohh!
[moaning]
[suspenseful music playing]
[moaning]