The Life and Movies of Erşan Kuneri (2022) s02e06 Episode Script

1
- Ah. So you've noticed it.
- [woman] Hmm.
- The poster?
- Come here. Hey, check it out.
- [man] Okay.
- My musical.
A Stingy Life. Zoom in.
A Stingy Life, the musical.
There we all are.
- [man] Yeah.
- You see that?
Dressed the same,
as shows did in that day.
- This was our first cabaret performance.
- [woman] Wow.
This one isn't a film.
A cabaret. You can't watch this one.
- What we did.
- [woman] I've never heard of it.
I had this idea. I had this idea
to do a, you know, to do a burlesque.
A musical lampoon, if you will.
We did it with singing and dancing.
It was a lovely piece of work.
- In the end, it only had one performance.
- [man] Hmm.
Just the premier.
- [man] What?
- Then the show closed.
I mean, we had no audience,
so we had to shut it down before the run.
- [woman laughs]
- Maybe you can figure out why.
But it was a good play,
and thankfully, I got it on tape.
The only copy is in my collection.
If you're interested,
I can lend it to you, so you can see it.
It'd be great
if we could show it someplace.
But no one has it.
One performance. It was great.
Great music.
[in Turkish] Steal it
Steal it all, people's money ♪
[sighs, in English] Great dance routines.
The dance routines were really something.
- [gasps] They really were.
- [man] That's good.
- You should see it.
- [man] We'll watch it, Erşan.
We did cabaret too. Not only movies.
- [man] I'm dying to see it.
- [woman] That's amazing.
I'll just stand like this.
[man] Get a shot of the poster.
Yeah, just like that. Okay, good.
[theme music playing]
- [Erşan] Breath out. Ah!
- [Tomris] Ah!
[Erşan] Did you hear how clear that was?
Like this. "Ah!"
[Tomris] Ah!
[Erşan] Hear the difference
when it comes from the diaphragm.
- [Tomris] Ah!
- If he had tried this when I started here
I would've quit on the spot.
What the hell are you doing?
- [Tomris] Ah!
- Again, ah! Aaahhhh!
- Hold on.
- Push it low.
- Ah!
- Yes, out straight from the diaphragm.
- Ah!
- That's it.
- Do it for me, Erşan. It's my turn.
- One second. Just wait. I'll get to you.
- Ah! Oh!
- Ah!
- Feel that?
- [Seyyal] Hello.
- Tomris.
- [Tomris] Oh, hey.
- Uh, he's checking my diaphragm.
- [Seyyal] Huh.
That's what he told you. Okay.
What have you got there, honey?
Acting 101.
It's amazing. You just do the opposite
of anything it says, and you're good.
Oh, how nice. Hey, what's wrong
with Tomris' diaphragm, Erşan?
It's not just Tomris, honey.
We have to be prepared for this play.
Some of the speeches
in this show require you to project.
The diaphragm is everything.
- Has Cengiz's diaphragm been checked?
- We have a division of labor.
Mami's handling the guys.
I'm doing the girls.
Okay.
Hey, listen up,
I have something to tell you all.
Ümit Sizdaroğlu is teaching acting.
- You're kidding me. Is he in Istanbul?
- [chuckles]
- Who's that?
- [Seyyal gasps]
Ümit Sizdaroğlu is a UCLA acting coach.
He just opened his new workshop
and offered me a place.
Come on, this is ridiculous, babe.
Everyone in our company is self-taught.
What does Ümit know that we don't?
Sorry, Erşan, where am I supposed
to be feeling this?
Because I still don't understand.
Take it easy. I know how this looks,
but I'll show you what I mean, okay?
- Inhale. Ah!
- [gasps] Ah!
- [Erşan] Yes. Yes, that's it.
- [Şermin] Oh!
Now when we get to the first read-through,
people will have to practice.
- [Şermin] Wow! I feel the difference.
- Of course.
- [Mami] Hello, everyone.
- About time.
- [Payro] Hello.
- [lighter clicks]
[Erşan] What's up, Mami?
The recording's all set.
It may not be fully professional,
but you should get the gist.
You guys,
I wasn't gonna tell you this before,
but here's the thing.
I've decided to record the show.
We'll have the tapes for sale
in 194 countries except America.
- Wow.
- What's wrong with America?
Oh, they don't have any taste. [laughs]
And in Jamaica, they can't get enough
of Erşan lately. He's a god to them.
Really? They even know you in Jamaica?
Hey, they know me all over the world.
I'm Erşan Kuneri.
[laughs] Anyway, 194 countries is plenty.
America can go to hell.
Okay, so, Friday at ten a.m.
is our first rehearsal.
Please remember that.
We're reading the play in full.
Hey, Erşan, by the way,
we have some issues relating
to the financing.
- Yeah?
- We can't afford Timur Selçuk.
- Yeah.
- We can afford Fahri Tuzcu.
Instead of Osman Şengezer
for staging, Sami Torlu.
And to direct, instead of hiring
Haldun Dormen, we could just hire me.
- [laughs]
- [Mami] What do you think?
Yeah, and we could replace me
as the lead with Münir Tığlı.
- Seriously. How could you do this?
- It's not me. It's the budget.
[Erşan] Let me ask you something.
Someone wanted me to do a musical.
Now who was it?
- Tell.
- Well, it wasn't me.
I bet it was her idea.
No, I never even thought about it.
- I did.
- Eryetiş.
You know what I'm seeing here right now?
I'm seeing a united cast of happy people.
I have a meeting to get to. Come, Cengiz.
Erşan, you should hurry
if you want a spot in the class.
Everyone in Istanbul wants in.
Oh, yeah? Well, people are suckers.
People wanted to get in with
mail order brides as well, didn't they?
"Are you looking for a girl
to be at your beck and call?"
"Then try calling us."
Someone's always trying to rip you off.
Well, not me.
I am totally immune to that scam.
Come on, schmuck.
- Who's a schmuck?
- You are. Who do you think?
[laughing]
We're doing a cabaret, a musical.
Well, then, this is the stage, of course.
And it's Istanbul's finest. Well?
It's good. It's good,
but the stage is a bit dusty.
- That's how it's supposed to be.
- [laughs]
From all of the actors who have trod
the boards. Up here, I could be huge.
- [woman] Mm-hmm.
- Sure you could. Young and excited.
- Of course.
- [laughs]
We just need to check to make sure
our equipment would fit in here.
But you know, technical stuff.
- If you don't mind, if we could
- No, of course.
Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. [exhales]
Stop complimenting it, dude.
I'm trying to lower the price.
- "Up here, I could be huge."
- There's just something about this place.
There is.
You're right. Just imagine
all the people who were on this stage.
You can almost see them.
Güllü Agop,
Naşit, Little Verjin. [chuckles]
They booked the space
with an ample down payment.
- [Erşan] Right.
- [both laughing]
That ball-buster.
All right, what's the backstage look like?
[Cengiz clears throat]
Men of Rome. My brothers!
What brothers?
You said you didn't have any.
I come to bury Caesar,
not to praise him. [laughs]
You always have to make an entrance, huh?
Get over here, Mark Antony.
- Wow!
- Here it is.
A Stingy Life. Not a word out of place.
It's my best work.
It'll have you in tears.
- Very good.
- Oh, Cemal's writing it?
Well, Kemal Kenan
was my first choice to do it.
He blew me off,
and I probably couldn't afford him anyway.
So I settled.
Nice.
- Songs as well?
- I wrote them all.
I'm sure you're gonna love 'em.
I'm the narrator?
Erşan, please, can I play that part?
- But what's the cabaret even about?
- [laughs]
It's about bribery.
Money and people.
There's also a few innuendos
about the government.
Hey, wait a second.
Is that woman listening?
I don't want her to hear.
Show me where. Where are the innuendos?
I say right at the top
that all of them are thieves.
- Yeah.
- And I wrote a song entitled "Key Money."
And I added a skit called "Bribery"
right at the end.
- Okay, is that all there is to it?
- Yeah.
That's the whole innuendo?
I like that.
We get it over with as soon as we can.
Well, not exactly. Bribery won't end.
I guess we're
gonna need more than a skit for that.
- Yeah, but look, are the skits even funny?
- [scoffs]
Cengiz, look me in the eye a second.
Son, does it really matter?
Think anyone gives a shit
about what's in here? They don't, kid.
Haven't you learned that yet?
You, me, Mami, the girls.
We do this for us.
No one gives a fuck beyond that.
That's just the way it is.
Always has been. Always will be.
Yeah, but what about our fans
and the people who applaud?
Yeah, people.
- Where are you actually from?
- Kadıköy.
I won't say it. The truth hurts, rich boy.
You're right,
but that's why I love the stage,
because it's a thousand times
better than reality.
Better, but pricey.
It's good.
It could be more aggressive,
but it's good. Yeah.
- [laughing]
- Give me that aggression.
Measuring tape, kid.
You wanna be huge on stage,
we'll make you huge.
- Is six meters enough? [laughs]
- Oh!
Very good.
That's two from there,
two by two, two and 14.
We've got to be ruthless.
- Push it as far as you can.
- Ruthless.
Oh, thank you.
You know, man.
I like Cemal as much as the next guy,
but this script feels a bit light.
Okay, listen to me.
You know what I'm really worried about?
All these jokes
that could upset the authorities.
You know what I mean?
Why the hell are we doing this? My God!
There are three or four scenes where
they're talking against the emperor,
but he means the government.
Man! See? Look right here.
It even mentions Çankaya by name there.
- The president's house?
- Right here.
There's that and later they complain
about the price of an elephant going up.
Also, there's something
about freedom of speech.
- Can I see the joke, man?
- [Mami] Hmm.
Oh, yeah. He says, "The ones up there."
It's obvious.
Will the authorities be upset?
They'll fuck us.
- You sure?
- It's obviously political.
- Great, a political cabaret.
- Yeah.
It's natural for an actor to criticize
the society they're living in.
Really. Sarcasm is healthy,
but I need to talk it over with Cemal.
Look, what if I could
convince him to remove
or soften up these parts, huh?
What do you think Altın? Alt
What the hell happened?
Where'd everybody go?
Eryetiş.
They all went running out.
Tülay, let me ask you something.
Listen to this song.
[in Turkish] They charge for air
And water and always swindle ♪
But it won't change ♪
People at the top
All began to rob [vocalizing]
[in English] Well?
Yeah, and?
- Political, right?
- No.
That doesn't sound political to you?
Come on, how would I know?
Sounds political. It does to me.
Isn't that odd? What about like this?
[in Turkish] People at the top
All began to rob ♪
But it won't change ♪
[in English] Now?
Mami, you're hearing things
that aren't there. I don't get your issue.
You're right.
Besides, they wouldn't send me
to jail for just dancing.
[laughs]
How long do you think
they'd send a dancer to jail?
Hmm, four years.
- Really? Four years?
- Yeah, at least four.
Go get Cemal on the phone for me. Quickly.
ACTING WORKSHOP
Light!
As Goethe said,
more light.
Actors.
How am I to believe you?
That's what I ask.
How am I to believe you?
This guy's putting me on edge.
I'm completely sweating. [sighs]
It's just a rhetorical question,
Kumsal. Relax.
He starts by calling us liars. How polite.
Again I ask.
How am I to believe? Hmm?
Well, sir, I think a good way
to start is by being ourselves.
I don't want answers.
It was a rhetorical question.
See? Told ya. [laughs]
You cannot make me believe.
Because acting is not
about making the audience believe.
But about showing what we have.
Oh, sir, we've always shown what we have.
We certainly
never hid anything. [chuckles]
I do not care.
- Huh?
- I want to live in this moment.
While you are all still empty boxes to me.
Mr. Ümit, which TV shows have you been on?
No shows.
I was in two commercials.
Both of them aired during Ramadan.
I was the grandma at the table.
In one of the commercials,
I had a big drum.
I even had a line.
Okay.
If we must introduce ourselves.
I'm Ümit.
I'm here.
And I'm an actor. You are?
I'm Seyyal, and yes, here I am.
[snaps fingers]
I'm Tomris.
And?
What else is there?
[Kumsal] I'm Kumsal Güneş.
I was in a bunch of erotic films.
I'm with Erşan Kuneri's company for now.
And I like it.
We're all doing a cabaret pretty soon.
I'm Şermin, and I am totally here.
[chuckles] I am.
I swear on all that's holy.
Ah, so you believe in faith, do you?
- I like you. Good. Hold it.
- [chuckles]
And you?
Well, sir. Uh, I'm here.
You're not.
But I am here.
Ah, but I can't see you.
I can't see you or hear you.
And I don't really care about you.
I'm not listening to you.
In that case, can I get a refund?
'Cause I'd rather leave than sit here.
And there you are.
I understand you.
I see you. That's it. Well done.
Take note.
I've always liked these mirrors
they have backstage
with the lights around them.
You take one last look
before you go out on stage.
You tell yourself that in just a moment,
you'll be up there.
Like a final confrontation.
It's a beautiful thing.
[chuckles] Man, I am so excited.
[exhales]
[sighs] We were on tour in Adana.
We were playing in a theater
which showed adult movies.
- [lighter clicks]
- The place was hideous.
No backstage, no bathrooms.
The guy told us that if we had
to pee to do it in glass bottles.
Then a lovely young man came up to me.
He said, "Please forgive us, sir,
for having you in such a hideous place."
"This is a movie theater
for adult movies."
Then I saw the posters
of what they were showing.
I said, "Look, son.
Do you see that movie right over there?"
It was Two Eggs and a Sausage.
"That's my brother, man."
I told him everything.
We hugged each other
and started crying. [sobs]
Why would you bring up the past?
I mean, really, why now?
Cemal, I have a question.
- Did you really write this, man?
- [laughs]
I mean, it's great.
There's some funny stuff in here.
It's funny.
This brother of mine is a funny guy.
Funnier than me, even.
- You used to do these İbiş acts, remember?
- [laughs] Yeah.
He played an idiot. He made me sit
across from him and did this voice.
"İbiş. İbiş!"
- He made me laugh doing that.
- [chuckling]
Aw, yeah, I remember İbiş.
I miss being able to make you laugh.
- Sure. Sure.
- [laughs]
Then you would start
making me laugh right back.
Brother, let's not talk
about the past, all right?
It might start a fight.
Why haven't you given me
a part in your movies?
Well, you despised them.
You said they were pornos.
But you never asked.
You never said I could be in them.
I guess it was
because I thought they were below you,
and I didn't wanna drag you down.
- Is that right?
- It is.
[sighs]
I was jealous of you.
I was jealous of you too, man.
And I still am, Erşan.
Hey, let's call it envy,
rather than jealousy, man.
No, wait. Hold on.
Don't sugarcoat it. He didn't say envy.
He said he was jealous.
And that he still is, right?
- Good.
- [chuckles] Erşan.
You didn't tell me what
you think about my political satire.
It's good. I think it needs
to be fiercer, but still, it's good.
Well, I'm not so sure.
I mean, what are you hoping to achieve
by criticizing the government?
That's what political satire
is all about, isn't it?
It's about shedding a light
on the very society you live in.
Now do you understand me?
No, I get it.
You're making them laugh and
- Making them think.
- That's it.
And then the music and dance
is there to really emphasize the
Yeah.
Yeah, you hold a mirror up
to the bad stuff.
People think, "What the hell am I doing?"
[snaps fingers] And bam! Change.
- Exactly.
- Sure.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Humor is an amazing weapon, isn't it?
It is. There's nothing
that humor can't change.
Erşan, we're all getting paid
for the rehearsals, aren't we?
Ah, come on.
Temel.
- Oh. Oh. Oh!
- Ah, Temel goes hunting. Wait, wait.
Temel takes Fadime hunting on a mountain.
Do the accent. The accent. You have
to do it with the accent, come on.
- I can't do it right now.
- Just do it, man. Relax into it.
- I can't. I'm already tipsy.
- Better.
Temel and Fadime go hunting
with his rifle.
- And they come across a bear, right?
- Uh-huh.
- The bear rises up.
- Ooh!
- And takes a swipe at them.
- Oh, yes!
Temel goes flying
to the other side of the mountain.
- The bear gets on her, on Fadime.
- Ha! [laughing]
Temel has passed out.
Fadime calls out to him.
- She yells, "Temel!"
- "Temel!"
- I'm doing it, wait.
- But you should do the yell.
- Why don't you tell it then?
- No, no way. This is your thing, brother.
- "Temel!" Yes!
- "Temel, help! The bear is fucking me."
Please, the bear is fucking me. [laughs]
Go on, you're doing great.
She says,
"Temel, the bear is humping me.
The bear is fucking me," you know.
And so, Temel starts to come-to.
He's almost awake, and he says
- [Cemal splutters]
- [Erşan] Shh!
"What are you waiting for?
Just tell him you have a headache."
[laughing]
I don't get it, man.
- Oh, man. Wait, I'll explain.
- Hang on, man.
You see right there
how the humor changed the entire mood?
Yeah, he still doesn't get it.
Listen to me, kid.
I'll explain it, all right?
He means that she always tells him
that she has a headache,
and now she could say
the same thing to the bear.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh.
- [scoffs] I give up.
- Okay.
- Wouldn't let me tell it. Kept cutting in.
- No, it was okay. You did it just fine.
Cheers.
You get it, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, she tells him the same thing,
so that's why he said it.
- She tells him the same thing.
- I had a question, but I forgot.
[Cemal inhales, exhales]
A powerful weapon. Yeah.
What are you saying?
We're wearing disguises
so no one will recognize us.
The people are starving,
and still, you don't care.
I say this right to the audience, huh?
Altın, uh, let's try to make us believe
people are starving.
Should I say,
"The people, they're really starving?"
I don't give a shit what you say.
Just make it believable.
Erşan, maybe we'd better take five.
Guys, Maribu?
Don't mind if I do.
- [sighs]
- [Mami] Here you go.
Maribu, man?
Altın, um, when you say the starving line,
can you hear how it
might sound a bit unrealistic?
Well, yeah, but isn't
that what it's supposed to mean?
Because I thought that line was
supposed to be ironic or something.
Like when the opposite thing is the joke.
But are you trying to say that the people
actually are starving in that scene?
If he's being ironic
and people really are starving,
maybe he could say,
"The people are not starving."
Or maybe the people
could say it themselves, even.
Erşan, are you saying the people
are being ironic? I'm confused.
Guys, you don't know
what you're talking about.
It's the sultan who's being ironic.
All right, listen, you assholes.
Obviously, I misjudged you guys.
You're just not suitable as stage actors.
Seriously. You're decent on camera.
A wide shot, a little close-up. That's it.
At least the girls are taking classes.
You're killing me here.
Hello, gentlemen.
Kumsal, what's up, hon?
All good, love, thank you.
Okay, I need to ask you something.
Where are your balls, Erşan?
- Boss, is she being ironic?
- What's ironic about that?
What kind of balls, hon?
The acting teacher wants it.
He told everyone in the class
to bring a ball to our next session.
Did he now?
You have no idea, Mami.
- The things this guy does are crazy.
- How so?
Except me,
he's made every other student cry.
- Oh, really?
- Yes, they all bawled their eyes out.
He told Seyyal that she was
what was it he said?
[Erşan] What did he say?
He told her she had
an inferiority complex. [scoffs]
That cocksucker.
You should've seen
how he treated that kid Semih.
He kept saying "I'm your father.
I'm your father now."
"Spit in your father's face."
He actually made him do it.
- Interesting.
- Not me though.
'Cause today, I have my switchblade on me.
- So if he tries any of his shit again
- [clicks]
I'll cut his balls off.
Take my word for it.
If you get a call from the police station,
then they'll know where to find me.
Wait a minute.
I thought this was a drama class.
You know, for acting.
Are you surprised?
Whatever. That asshole's
just putting on an act.
I should have never
let the girls talk me into this.
No balls then?
[Erşan] Hey, Kumsal, listen to me, please.
The premiere is around the corner.
Please, just try to stay out of trouble.
At least keep your face intact for me.
That's your money-maker, honey.
No.
It's not my face. [chuckles]
Well
I saw some plastic balls
for sale up the street. [sighs]
Guess I'll have to settle for those. Ugh!
Man, glad I wasn't in that class.
I would've taken a swing at him.
Erşan, before we start again,
I was thinking.
You know how we take some pot shots
at the government in the script, right?
Why don't we cut those parts
and just stick to the regular stuff?
- Everyone knows how things are.
- Exactly.
And what you're proposing
is self-censorship. No way.
Erşan, I'm not saying that.
Let's just show both sides.
- I won't do it, no.
- Come on. We don't wanna get arrested.
- [Erşan] Never.
- Hey.
Huh? Tomris, if you're here for balls,
we don't have any.
Forget the balls. If you mean that
workshop, I'm not going back again.
That thing was a total rip-off.
Oh, really? The UCLA coach?
Waste of time. It's bullshit.
Oh, stay a while then.
We're doing a rehearsal.
Let's do the Rome scene, shall we?
One second. Let me get ready.
[in Turkish] See which one it will be ♪
That comes and ♪
[in English] That's your cue.
[in Turkish] ♪saves us ♪
They charge for air and water
And always swindle ♪
You can break the piggy bank
But it won't change ♪
People at the top ♪
[in English] Hey, man, remember how
I told you that they might fuck us?
Well, now I'm certain. They'll fuck us.
- [Mami] Oh, stop it.
- [singing continues]
It's just a few guys dancing.
How could they even object?
- This is cabaret.
- [in Turkish] That comes and saves us ♪
They charge for air and water
And always swindle ♪
You can break the piggy bank
But it won't be enough ♪
See which one it will be ♪
That comes and saves you ♪
- Saves you! ♪
- Saves you! ♪
- Saves you! ♪
- Saves you! ♪
[all] Hey! ♪
[in English] Getting there. Getting there.
I'm sick to death of your face.
And I hate everything about you.
You are nothing.
You mean absolutely nothing to me.
- Mr. Ümit, this is making me feel sad.
- It should.
Channel your hatred into this ball.
Your hatred is in there.
Now, play with it.
Play with your hatred. Play!
- All right, I'll play.
- Excuse me. May I ask a question?
If you must.
Are we ever
gonna do anything involving acting?
Acting is a journey, Şermin.
Sure, and it feels like
we're taking a long detour.
Maybe it's time
to get the car back on the road.
Oh, excuse me. Sorry.
This little ball was
the only thing I could find.
Yes, welcome, Kumsal.
Although, we're moving on
from the ball now. Please have a seat.
All right, then.
What was that?
Did he just say we were having a treat?
I've stopped listening. [chuckles]
You should have seen what we did.
Seriously. I'm in love with balls now.
Mr. Ümit, may I go to the bathroom?
The great Bette Davis once said,
"If I were ever
to realize that I'm acting,
that'd be the day that
the actress within me had died."
Semih, get up.
Semih, you're a jug.
Become a jug.
Um
Very good.
That's it.
You know, sir, um,
this seems to be based on the assumption
that I would ever be offered
the role of jug in a movie.
Otherwise, it doesn't make sense to me.
You're only saying that because you
haven't seen Dustin Hoffman in The Jug.
All right.
So, Şermin, you wanted a journey.
[Şermin] Uh-huh.
Then let's go. Come, everyone.
Gather round.
All right, I want us all
to start touching ourselves. Ooh!
Bahriye, start touching.
Ümit, I think I need
to leave right now, please.
Start touching, Bahriye.
Explore your body.
Shame on you. You are disgusting.
- Keep touching. Never mind her.
- Oh, I can't do this.
Keep touching. Explore. That's it.
- There's no shame.
- No.
- Whatever will come will come. [sighs]
- [Kumsal] Mmm!
Something's coming.
- Something's coming.
- [laughing]
[Ümit] Feel it in your hands. Let it come.
- Yes! Take each other's hands.
- [Kumsal moans]
Yes, that's it. Channel the energy.
- [all sigh]
- Channel the energy into your breathing.
Like a couple,
the breathing of a couple making love.
- We go in. We come out.
- [all inhaling, exhaling]
[Kumsal moans]
[Ümit] You can come. You can come freely.
[all moaning]
[Erşan whistles]
I'm doing a real show,
and I need my four actors back.
Erşan.
Try it on him. Go on.
Are you one of my pupils?
- The name's Ümit, right?
- I am.
- Ah, are you really?
- I'm sorry.
Ümit, are you fucking with us?
It's a rhetorical question, sir.
You don't need to answer.
Ümit, I've been watching you for a while.
What kind of buffoonery is this?
I'm in the middle
of creating a new method.
A method of what?
To reveal the actor within you.
Enough. We're leaving now.
Four people, 5,000 each?
Refund us the 20,000 lira,
and we'll be on our way.
I don't have it.
Explore yourself.
I just saw you doing it.
Come on, go ahead.
Check your ass pocket.
You were ready to whip it out before.
You must know
this is completely unethical.
You know, Ümit,
now you're really pissing me off.
Look, I've watched actors
since I was three.
I've seen Dümbüllü,
Bedia Muvahhit and Muammer Karaca.
Ulvi Uraz, what a master.
The whole Kenter family.
Have you seen İzzet Günay on stage?
Or Sadri Alışık?
What about Adile Naşit or Münir Özkul?
Have you seen them do anything like that?
Please. Look, you're treating
these people like children.
Share experiences, tell them stories,
but don't rip them off.
But isn't acting a journey in itself?
It's not.
I'll kick your ass
and charge you 20,000 for it.
[Ümit sighs]
Bastard! [grunts]
Can I have my ball?
Don't let him have it, Erşan.
He'll just rip other people off with it.
- That's your ball?
- [Ümit] Yes.
[Erşan] Kumsal, let me see your knife.
- [air hisses]
- [Ümit gasps]
[groaning]
Go play with you ball
somewhere else. Go on.
[Ümit groans]
[sobs]
Eventually, someone's going to ask
why the art
of acting is so underdeveloped.
Be sure to mention my name.
The pleasure's all mine. Bye-bye.
[sobbing]
All right, if you're done
exploring yourselves,
are we ready to go get on stage?
- We're ready.
- Ready.
Yeah, I so need to do some real acting.
I hear ya.
[Bahriye] He gave me my money back.
At least he did that. Jerk.
- Oh, Bahriye, how are you?
- [Bahriye] Erşan, dear. What a surprise.
- How ya been, dear? [laughing]
- Fine. Same as always.
Bahriye and I were together in
Don't Call Me Your Aunt, Just love Me.
He's my favorite actor.
Fuck me, damn.
But, man, you got really old, girl.
Well, that movie sure was something.
Uh, just to be clear,
Bahriye didn't play the aunt in the title.
[laughing]
- Figures.
- Great.
Really? This one?
- [Erşan] Very nice.
- Hey, what do you think of this one?`
- Do you think it's too colorful?
- Too colorful.
Baby, I've got something.
Well?
- Backstage is amazing. I love it.
- Nice, huh? You've made it.
- Very nice. It's the best.
- Erşan, here. Look.
Should the Roman stand like this?
Or I could drop one shoulder like this?
Kid, listen to me.
The guy's sort of subtle.
I mean, it's his first time
being a senator, you know?
- Where's my brother?
- Subtle.
- Hey.
- [Cengiz] Men of Rome!
Hey, girls. Man, the theater's
something else, isn't it?
Even the smell of it is different.
You smell that?
They're taking care of it.
We told them it smelled in here.
No, man, no.
It smells in a good way. It's the theater.
- Where the hell is my brother?
- He's not here yet.
It's a dress rehearsal,
and my freaking brother's not here?
- Where's Mami?
- He's on the stage.
[Mami] I'm serious, ma'am.
We have a great script.
With the dance routines and the music
and our extraordinary cast,
we'll be fully booked
every night of the run.
- I guarantee it.
- Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure you will.
It's just that, Mr. Muammer,
this is a very bold move.
A cabaret at a time like this?
Especially with all
of the unrest going on.
Ma'am, I assure you.
We're not opportunists.
Erşan's an artist.
He just can't help himself.
Aww, of course.
Sometimes we have no choice.
Isn't that right, Mr. Erşan?
You see, we sent the script
to the local authorities.
We'll see whether the governor's office
will allow it or not.
The script has been sent
to the authorities?
But of course.
I mean, if that's the law, it's okay.
The police check it out,
and the governor signs the permit.
That's right. I guess there are some
innuendos about government officials.
I wonder what they'll think of that.
It's okay, Erşan.
We can tone that down
and tone up the song and dance.
We're not toning down anything.
On the contrary, when the audience
adds their spirit to it, we'll improvise.
I'll make it more aggressive.
Ooh! Go for it.
I mean, you only live once. Do it.
What's the worst
that can happen? Good luck.
Erşan, I think
the stage is getting to you.
What do you mean? Even more aggression?
If the audience can't come up here
and say it for themselves,
then we have to be the ones up here
saying it for all of them. That's it.
[Cemal] Good morning.
"Good morning," my ass.
It's noon. We've been waiting.
All right, man, it's okay. Relax.
- I wanna start the read-through.
- Look, you'll come in from here.
- And cross there.
- [Erşan] Ah!
Thanks, man.
- Flowers.
- Who sent those, Erşan?
"We commend you all for your courage
and wish you all the luck in the world."
"Zeki-Metin."
[all gasp]
And I said I wouldn't get emotional.
You mean the Zeki-Metin?
- No, a random Zeki-Metin.
- [laughing]
Hey, screw you guys.
Everyone, we need
to be worthy of this love.
Let's go have a great rehearsal.
For Zeki-Metin.
- Let's go.
- [Erşan] Give it everything you got.
Let's do it.
I told you so.
Whatever, man. Who cares?
Erşan, seriously,
did Zeki-Metin really send these?
Look, man, does that say "Zeki-Metin?"
Then Zeki-Metin sent them. Zeki-Metin.
All right, man.
All right.
Zeki-Metin.
I can't believe it.
[upbeat music playing]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
[music continues]
Okay, guys.
- I'm gonna start recording you.
- [Kumsal] Oh.
- You're on tape.
- [Seyyal] Huh?
- Hey, wait. Huh?
- Seyyal.
- It records with sound too.
- Wow. It records with sound?
- Wait. Let me do my hair.
- Say something.
Um, I think this will be
an outstanding musical.
- Ha! That's great.
- I think it's a great musical.
- And everyone should see it.
- Yeah.
- Is this gonna be on TV?
- Who knows?
He said 194 countries.
- [laughing]
- [Altın] Except America!
[laughing]
No, I'm recording this for myself.
Say something for us, Kumsal.
- I'm Kumsal Güneş. I'm 37, and I'm single.
- [Erşan] Yeah.
- [laughing]
- Kumsal, just tell them you're a widow.
[Kumsal laughing] My real name's
Döne Kiremitçi.
- This is for my loved one.
- [all laughing]
- [clicks]
- [Erşan] I'm gonna start recording you.
- Wow. It records with sound?
- [Erşan] You're on tape. Say something.
Wait, let me do my hair. I think
this will be an outstanding musical.
- [Erşan] Oh, that's great.
- It's a great musical.
And everyone should see it.
Wait. Is this gonna be on TV?
- He said 194 countries.
- [laughing]
Except America.
[Erşan] Who knows how long we have left?
I'm recording this for myself.
- [laughing] Hi.
- You asshole! What are you saying?
[Erşan] What are you talking about?
Get in here, Cengiz, come here.
Come, come, come. Kumsal.
Kumsal Guneş. I'm 37 and single.
Kumsal, just tell them you're a widow.
Wait. My real name is Döne Kiremitçi.
This is for my loved one.
- [all] Ooh!
- [laughing]
You'll see them on TV dramas, man.
My name is Altın Oran.
- My real name oh, fuck it!
- [laughing]
[Erşan] Everyone's got a real name, huh?
I only have one, man.
The name's Cengiz. Cengiz.
- Put the camera on me for a second.
- [Erşan] Hang on.
I'll tell you everything I know
about them all!
Wait. Erşan, wait. What is all this?
You're recording the rehearsal?
I'm Cemal.
- His older brother.
- [Erşan] Say that you're proud of me.
- [Cemal laughs] Yeah, right. Dream on.
- [Şermin] I, for one, am proud.
[laughs] Yeah.
[Cengiz] Come on,
who's even gonna watch this?
Hey, if anyone watches this in the future
and tries talking behind my back,
let me just say, "Fuck you!"
[laughing]
[Altın] Erşan, get in here.
You're not getting out of this.
[Kumsal] Yeah, Erşan, come here.
- [Seyyal] Yeah, Erşan.
- Come here, honey. Come.
Gather round.
All right, you guys.
Our cabaret show is really great.
I promise you,
we'll watch it years from now
and see how much things have changed
in this country. I know we will.
- The Stingy Life.
- [all cheer]
You won't believe
how great this is gonna be.
Look, I hope 1986
is an amazing year for everybody.
[cheering]
[Erşan] Did I get everything?
[all laughing]
[Cemal] Now he's the writer and director.
- [laughing]
- [remote control clicks]
You work on it,
and you go up there, and you kill it.
So, the premiere is making you nervous.
Hey, everyone. Big news.
Remember when we sent the script
to the governor for approval?
Well, here's our permit.
- Oh!
- Thank God.
- We're doing it!
- That's great news!
Okay, you guys, please, do me a favor.
- They're gonna record the performance.
- Of course.
So, if you could please
not add anything or improvise
and steer away from the political messages
for me, I would appreciate it.
He's right. What's the worst
that could happen?
It's gonna be fine.
So is the line
about the price of elephants getting cut?
We're not taking anything out. We're gonna
do this play exactly like we intended to.
I tried to warn you,
but you wouldn't listen.
- Unbelievable.
- All right, listen to me.
You heard what I said.
Just be mindful of it.
- Wait a sec. Mami.
- Please, don't let this spoil our show.
- Please just agree. I'm begging you here.
- Would you please shut up about it?
- Hey, have you heard?
- Heard what?
The prime minister's coming
to the premiere.
What? Oh, my God. Who told you that?
Semra Özal and Turgut Özal
are coming to see the play.
Well, that's not a bad thing.
It's a good thing.
That's right.
Yeah, it's not bad at all, you know.
It's great, actually.
- It is?
- Yeah.
Come on, guys.
Here. Let's take a group photo
so we can honor
this moment forever. Come on.
- Yunus, get ready, son.
- [sighing]
[Mami] Come on, people, come on.
I can't believe
the prime minister is coming.
He is. It's all arranged.
Let him come.
It's a good thing he's coming, right?
- [Eryetiş] We're screwed.
- Come here.
- Of course, it's good.
- It's good he's coming.
- We all here? Are you ready, guys?
- [Altın sighs]
Yunus seems ready. All right, here we go.
Say cheese, everyone.
- Yunus, take the picture, son.
- [camera shutter clicks]
[theme music playing]