The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) s02e06 Episode Script

1
By the pricking
of my thumbs,
something wicked
this way comes.
[GRUNTS][GROANS]
Sorry!
Every crook for himself.
[GASPING] [YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
[SIRENS WAILING] MAN: Help! Lemme out!
Hey, Spidey!
Back in black, huh?
I approve.
[GASPING] What? Hey!
Hey!
[MUFFLED CRY]
[MUFFLED GROAN]
[GRUNTING]
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swingin' from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Presume not that
I am the thing I was,
for I have turn'd away
my former self.
MAN: It's happening again!
[GROANING]
Stay calm, Colonel.
Slow, deep breaths.
Deep breaths?
That's all you got?
Help him!
My boy's clothes
are shrinking
right off him!
Actually,
he's getting bigger.
Uh, not that
that helps, either.
I got ya, Johnny!No, Pop, stay back!
No wonder this lab
goes through funding
so quickly.
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
It's okay.
Attack's over.
And, hey,
I taught that wall
a thing or two.
Are you joking
about this?
Too soon, huh?
[GRUNTING]
This should help.
Why don't you
try it on in my office?
Carefully.
[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]
What's happening
to my son?
He was exposed
to the alien life form
on the hull
of his space shuttle.
[STAMMERING]
Colonel Jameson was
infected by the Symb
Uh, the life form?
Actually, he's infected
with microscopic spores
that hitched a ride
on the life form.
The way gum
sticks to a shoe.
We've been tracking
his condition for months.
Since entering
the Colonel's system,
the spores have
multiplied exponentially.
Dr. Connors thinks
they may have originated
on a high mass,
high gravity world.
Like, like Jupiter.
I don't care if
they're from Jersey!
If those spores
aren't out of my son
in 4.2 seconds, I'll
It's just not
that simple.
My gene cleanser
had no effect.
Neither did extreme
heat or cold.
I had limited success
destroying individual
spores with electricity,
but in the meantime
JOHNNY: I get to
wear the fancy suit.
I hear it's all
the rage on Jupiter.
You look like
a fool superhero!
The spores are chemically
altering your mass,
making you
heavier, stronger.
This, uh, "Jupiter-Suit"
will slow you down,
regulate your heartbeat
and help you function
in Earth-normal gravity.
Plus, the ladies
love a man in uniform.
It's good to maintain
your sense of humor.
Any personality changes
might imply
the spores are
chemically altering
your mind as well.
FLASH: Hey, Sha Shan!
You didn't come
to my party!
[SCOFFS] Why would I?
[STAMMERING]
[CHUCKLING] Oh.
You didn't understand.
See, I invited you
as my date.
Don't you know
who I am?
Only the best
quarterback M-cubed
has ever seen.
The reason
the Mustangs
won State.
The hero who threw
the winning pass
at cost of life
and limb
[GRUNTS] I know who
you are, Flash.
We're in bio together.
Look, I've never
seen you throw a pass.
But I've seen you
set off the sprinklers
in the lab twice.
Fine. Walk away!
You think you're all that?
I can date
any girl I want in
this crummy school!
Reputation, reputation,
reputation!
Oh, I have
lost my reputation.
I have lost
the immortal
part of myself,
and what remains
is bestial.
[WHISTLES]
[GROWLS]
I have to get
to the paper,
but I'll drop you
at home first.
Uh, you mind
if I tag along?
I've got a paycheck
waiting at the Bugle.
Sure, kid, get in.
We can split
the fare.
[CAR CREAKS]
Sorry. Guess that's
the sound of me
kissing a normal
life goodbye.
Been there,
kissed that.
Well, maybe shutting
a door on normal
can open a window on
What are you
babbling about, Parker?
He's infected!
It's not contagious.
Eyes front!
[STUTTERING]
I'm just saying, he's been
given great power.
Maybe great responsi [PHONE RINGING]
[BEEP] What.
What?
[CHUCKLING] What?
Spider-Man's back
in black, and on
a crime spree!
What? I want everyone on it.
Victim stories,
eyewitness accounts,
oh, and the headline
Oh, What a Tangled
Web We Weave!
[GROWLS] I have finally
got what I need
to take
the web-head down.
Hold the front page,
Robbie, I'll call you back!
You can take
the web-head down!
Uh, excuse me?
Look at you, boy!
You got the costume,
the powers.
All you need
is a hokey name!
Uh, Captain Mass!
No, that's too hokey.
Strong-Man!
[GRUMBLING] Nah,
that's too generic.
Uh, Sky Colonel
Colonel Jupiter!
That's it!
But, Pop,
you hate superheroes.
JAMESON:
When did I say that?
JOHNNY: Every hour,
on the hour?
[GROWLS]
Nah, I hate
masked heroes.
What are they
hiding, anyway?
But you're
an astronaut!
The world already
knows and loves ya.
You love him, right? [GRUNTING]
Johnny boy, you can
be the one to bring
Spider-Man to justice!
But what if
Spidey's innocent?
Don't confuse
the issue!
Oh, I can't believe
someone is posing as me,
framing me again!
Please be Chameleon.
Please be Chameleon.
Please be
[TIRES SQUEALING] Uh-oh.
Can you move?
Can you unlock
the door?
[GASPING] You again?
[SCOFFS] No, not again.
See, I'm the real Whoa!
[GRUNTING]
Like looking
in a mirror, bro.
The funhouse kind.
Why strew'st thou sugar
on that bottled spider,
whose deadly web
ensnareth thee about?
Fool, fool!
The day will come
to curse this venomous
bunchback'd toad
O villain, villain,
smiling cursed villain!
That one might smile!
And smile! And be a villain!
Go, villain!
[CHEERING] Yeah!
Bro, it's been
too long! [HISSING]
[LAUGHING]
[EXPLODING]
Whoa!
Better call it in.
Get help.
[BEEPING]
Wait. I am help.
[SCOFFS] C'mon, Jameson,
you're not seriously
thinking about
leaping tall buildings
in a single bound?
Colonel Jupiter away!
So, I'm
a little confused.
Do you want to frame
me or squash me?
You make it sound
so complicated.
[GRUNTS]
All we want
is to destroy
every single aspect
of your life.
Is that so wrong?
[GROWLING]
[BOTH GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Can I take
a pain check?
I have actual human
beings to save!
No go, Bro.
When we're done,
the whole world
will hate you.
[GRUNTING] Almost as much
as we do.
Hi. Uh, I'm uh,
Colonel Jupiter.
I saw the fire,
thought I could help.
Thank you,
young man.
Glad I could help. WOMAN: [SCREAMING] Help!
This way!
Stay low! Come on!
[PEOPLE COUGHING]
That's it.
One at a time!
No ticket required!
[SCREAMING] No! Mom!
[GASPING]
Who are you?
Colonel Jupiter, Ma'am.
[BOY YELLING] Mom!
Happy to be of service.
Is there anyone in here?
VOICE: Get lost!
I'm afraid I can't
do that, mister
parrot.[SQUAWKING]
Get lost! Get lost!
[SQUAWKING] Get lost!
[RUMBLING]
You good? Yeah.
Enjoying the hero thing?
[CHUCKLING] Oh, yeah.
You know, we should
think about making
this a regular thing.
Half as many Ock arms
The Sinister Six
divided into the
Manageable Threes
[CHUCKLING]
I could get used to MAN: There he is!
Spider-Man
made me crash!
The fire's his fault!
And then what,
I stopped
for a quick
change of clothes?
It wasn't me!
I'll help you explain
it to the police. [SIRENS WAILING]
And answer a few
easy questions like
'What's my name?"
No, thanks.
It'll be okay.
Don't fight me
on this.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[BEEPING]
Sorry, gotta swing!
But let's do the team up
thing again sometime!
[RAPID BEEPING]
[HISSING]
LIZ: [SNIFFING]
Petey, have you
been smoking?
[STAMMERING]
What? No! No,
I'd never smoke.
[SNIFFING]
I would, however,
put my Spidey suit on
without washing it first.
Ugh! Gross!
Say something, please?
[GIGGLING]
I'll see you
in class.
Sweet!
[SNIFFING] Do you
smell barbecue?
[GRUNTS]
Sha Shan Nguyen.
She's like totally
immune to the Flash.
'Cause she's got
a brain?
Exactly!
So you're gonna
tell me how to make
her go out with me.
Me? Why me?
Because A,
somehow you got
Gwen and Liz to like
your scrawny butt,
and two,
if you tell anyone,
you'll spend the rest
of Junior year stuffed
in that locker.
[STAMMERING]
I guess you could try
taking an interest
in the things she likes?
Drama, huh?
[CHUCKLING]
How hard could it be?
Doubt thou
the stars are fire.
Doubt that
the sun doth move.
Doubt truth
to be a liar.
But never doubt I love.
[CLAPPING]
Such spirit.
Such passion.
Now that's the kind
of audition I like to see!
[CHUCKLING]
Thank you, my dear.
The cast list will
be posted tomorrow.
Next!
QB1 is ready
for his tryout!
[SIGHING]
You'll have to
wait your turn.
Doesn't anybody
know who I am?
MAN ON TV: The strange
web of crime continues
as Spider-Man
defaced City Hall.
If Spidey
wasn't responsible,
then why did he run?
You're making
a big mistake,
web-head!
[CHUCKLING]
[ACCELERATED BEEPING]
Stacy, you have
one second to explain
why Spider-Menace
isn't behind bars!
Pleasure to see
you too, Jonah.
Maybe I can help.
You heard about
this "Colonel Jupiter?"
You mean, your son?
Well, that's beside
the point!
What's the point?
Here's the point.
He single-handedly
rescued a
billion people
from a fire covering
90 city blocks!
Deputize him,
and he'll have
the web-head
on a chain gang
in 5.1 seconds!
But which web-head,
Jonah?
This is a recent
security tape.
And this is
older footage. Look
The fighting style,
the suit, the build
They're all different.
The camera adds
ten pounds.
That bug's still
terrorizing our city!
This isn't the first
time the Bugle
got it wrong
when a copycat
dressed up as
the web-slinger.
Now, you really want
to embarrass yourself
and your paper, again?
[GROWLS] [PHONE RINGING]
[BEEP] John?
You were right about
Spider-Man all along, Pop.
But I'll crush him!
Well, uh, see
The cops
aren't 110% sure
the real Spidey's
the problem.
Uh, for now, why don't
you save some cats,
kiss a couple of babies?
The city'll eat it up! No!
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]
Spider-Man's mine.
And I'm going to
stop him permanently!
Johnny, Johnny,
that's the sporkes talking.
They're confusing
your brain.
Colonel Jupiter
is not confused!
Come on, Venom,
where are you?
COLONEL JUPITER:
Spider-Man!
Hey, Colonel,
I'm glad you're here.
I could use a little
[GRUNTING]
[SPIDER-MAN GROANING] [RAPID BEEPING]
Oh, it is excellent to
have a giant's strength,
but it is tyrannous
to use it like a giant.
[DEVICE BEEPING]
Easy, Colonel.
Look, I'm sorry
about that little
dust up after the fire
Who are you kidding?
You can't trick me
by switching costumes.
There aren't two
bugs in this city
shootin' webs!
Oh, believe me,
I've got my trademark
lawyers working on that.
[CRASHING] Whoa!
[GRUNTING]
The spores
must have altered
his brain chemistry.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTING]
[BEEPING ACCELERATING]
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
That's it.
Doc Connors
said electricity
only had limited success
destroying the spores.
But maybe the problem
was limited electricity!
I just need to lure him
to the nearest major
source of juice.
Hey, Colonel Stupider!
Is it true you're
getting denser
by the minute?
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
Plan's working. Yay.
[STEADY BEEPING]
You can't run forever,
web-head.
My least favorite
part of the plan.
Now you'll learn
the true meaning
of power!
You want power?
Try two million volts!
[SCREAMING]
[LONG BEEP]
[BEEPING STOPS]
[POWER DIES DOWN]
[BEEPING RESUMES]
"I will be brief.
"Your noble son is mad.
"Mad call I it,
"for to define
true madness,
"what is't to be
nothing else but mad?"
This is supposed
to be English?
CURT: The spores
are completely out
of your son's system.
He should eventually
be able to resume
a normal life.
Uh, I miss the power.
[STAMMERING]
I need it.
I have to get
the power back!
Give me back
the power!
[GRUNTING]
Give it back!
Must
Must get the power.
Must The power
[MUMBLING]
[SIGHING]
We'll give you
some time alone.
MAN: Don't know
anyone named Max.
My name's Electro.
[ELECTRICITY CACKLING]
Electro, I tell you!
Another one of yours?
DEVEREAUX:
All right, slowly.
No pushing.
Oh, Glory, we're in.
Thank you,
Shakespeare. You too, Kenny.
Hmm, tight. [GASPING] Harry,
you got a lead!
Congratula Yeah, thanks,
just a sec, okay?
Dad? Dad, I got
the lead in the play!
Plus, I have
a girlfriend now.
Uh, did you
just say you're
proud of me?
I have to find Venom.
It's not safe for Gwen
or anyone I care about.
I miss the Colonel already.
[LAUGHING]
Petey, I'm in.
I made the cast!
[STAMMERING]
Uh, wow. That's great!
Hey, you made it.
Cool.
Suppose this means
we'll be seeing
a lot of each other.
That seems unlikely.
Since you aren't
on the list.
What? [GASPS]
Obviously,
the director's
incapable
of recognizing
our natural charisma!
I'm so stuffing
Parker in a locker.
JAMESON: This is all
Spider-Man's fault!
He destroyed my son!
If I ever get my hands
on that wallcrawler, I'll
[ALL GASPING]
You want
the wall-crawler?
No! Then here's a scoop
Peter Parker
is Spider-Man!