The Tick (1994) s02e06 Episode Script
Bloomsday
[alarm buzzing.]
[sign buzzing.]
[ticking.]
[sniffling, sneezing loudly.]
- Sorry.
- Gesundheit.
- Sorry.
- Gesundheit! Please, Tick, stop saying [muffled sneeze.]
- Gesundheit! - that.
Gads! Hay fever must be terrible torture.
- Hey, guys.
- American Maid.
- I didn't know you liked flowers.
- Well, thank - Gesundheit.
- Gesundheit.
I come to the flower show every year.
This year I hear they've got a 400-year bloom.
They say it's the world's rarest flower.
It only blooms once every 400 years.
Uncanny! Let's go find it.
I won't believe my eyes.
[flamenco guitar plays.]
- [Japanese music plays.]
- [Arthur sneezes.]
Bloom, little leafling.
Make good your hold upon the world.
Excuse me, that's a very bad idea.
Permit me to introduce myself.
I am Professor Ichibana, the guardian of the 400-year bloom.
It is very sensitive right now.
I had hoped to get back to Japan before its blooming cycle began, - but I blew it on the calculations.
- [Arthur sneezes.]
Now I must soothe the flower with gentle music at all times, or it will bloom the bad way.
A-ha! The bad way! - How bad is that? - Oh, you don't want to know.
Eight hundred years ago we had a bad blooming, practically wiped out the entire Minomoto Dynasty.
Ooh.
Sorry.
[sniffing.]
So taking care of this flower must be very stressful.
- Yes.
High-pressure gardening.
- You don't know the half of it.
A crazed villain has been following me across the country.
He wants this flower in the worst way.
If it were to fall into the wrong hands, your whole city would face grave disaster.
Well, this city's under our protection, so I wouldn't worry about it, professor.
Yes, professor, we Oh, no.
Bad news.
Fierce greenery! [grunts.]
[sneezes.]
Psst.
Moth man, I need your help.
OK, fan face, chew on this! [groaning.]
No one panic.
Everything's under control.
Listen, the creature who sent those saw flowers, he's got a flower for a head.
Oh, great.
El Seed.
He'll stop at nothing to get this bloom.
I want you to take it and keep it safe.
Water it once a day, plenty of sun.
And, whatever you do, don't stop the music.
Oh, OK.
Here.
Take our card.
Here.
You take my flower.
I'll pick up the bloom as soon as I can.
Thank you, Arthur.
[moaning.]
[screeching.]
- You love me.
I love you not! - [leaves grinding.]
You love me.
I love you not! - [flamenco music plays.]
- [growling.]
OK, girls.
- Women.
- Women.
Stop bugging me with your stereo sounds.
Those accursed supermonkeys have tossed themselves into my salad once again.
[sighing.]
Scratch plan A.
We switch to plan B.
That's you, women.
Go find me Ichibana, and bring me the 400-year bloom! [Arthur sneezes.]
Sorry.
- This is the 400-year bloom? - [soft Japanese music plays.]
Yes.
Hey.
You mean that professor has our plant? Yes, Tick, but that's not the point.
El Seed will stop at nothing to get this flower.
[Tick.]
El Seed.
What's that guy's problem? We've got to protect it and keep it from blooming.
You mean in the bad way.
[music stops.]
It's blooming! We need music.
Tick, sing to it! Uh My mind is a blank.
You sing, Arthur.
You're the talented one.
I can't! My nose is stuffed up.
American Maid, sing something.
- What? What should I sing? - Anything.
OK.
O beautiful for spacious skies For amber waves of grain [Arthur.]
I think it's working.
Keep going! For purple mountains majesty Above the fruited plain! Yes, yes! America, America God shed His grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea - [growling.]
- Uh Um My country 'tis of Thee Sweet land of liberty [struggling, mumbling.]
[El Seed.]
One last time, Professor Ichibana, what have you done with the 400-year bloom? [mumbling.]
[growls.]
Speak up.
I can't understand you.
I told you.
That's the bloom.
What do you take me for, a monkey? That is a bogus bloom.
A dollar ninety-eight tops.
You switched blooms with The Tick and Arthur.
Ay! The Tick and Arthur! Making their monkey troubles all over my plants, once again.
I hate those guys a lot.
Take it from me, you don't want to mess with the 400-year bloom.
It's trouble like nobody's business.
No one tells El Seed what to do! I can control any botanical specimen.
The plant kingdom is my kingdom! [exclaims in Spanish.]
Bee Twins, I think it's time for you to pay a visit to these counter-chlorophylls The Tick and Arthur.
Now listen, here's plan C [man.]
In Deutschland they sing of the wonders of spring and gesundheit [Arthur sneezes, groans.]
You know, you really have a lovely singing voice, American Maid.
- You ought to sing more often.
- [hoarsely.]
I don't think so.
[woman.]
We interrupt tonight's program with a special news report.
Terror erupted today at the annual civic flower show [Tick.]
Arthur, wait.
Let's hear this.
when Professor Akiko Ichibana, noted botanist, was kidnapped.
Ichibana was on a national tour exhibiting the very rare 400-year bloom, which has also mysteriously disappeared.
Authorities suspect I'll take a bite of the moon for you - And carve my initials - El Seed must have the professor.
We must find that foul flora.
[sneezes, groans.]
I'll stay here and keep the music going.
And fly to your window to see you, too The worst thing of all that would tear me in two It would shake me up if I couldn't pollinate you Our love keeps growing Like a plant on a window ledge Growing and growing and growing so much That your love pushes me to the edge [growling.]
I'd take a bite of the moon for you [screams, sneezes.]
I'm so sorry.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do I'll take a bite of the moon for you I'll take a bite of the moon for you Oh, no! Do you have any queens? Go fish, madman.
All right, I will.
[cackles.]
A pair! I go again.
- You what?! - I got a pair, I go again.
You're a madman, a villain and a cheat! - It's the rules.
- Dirty cheat.
It's not cheating.
I go again.
- [knock on door.]
- It's open.
Come in.
Rosebud.
- [jazz music plays.]
- Ooh! The 400-year bloom! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Listen to me, El Seed, please.
It's more dangerous than you can possibly know.
You know, you're really getting on my nerves.
- Mission accomplished.
- Mission accomplished.
I know! Thank you.
Hey, Ichibana, you want to see a madman? - Just watch my smoke.
- Don't do it, El Seed.
I beg of you.
You like feeding plants, professor? Here.
Feed this one.
[flamenco music plays.]
- [plant screeches.]
- [gasps.]
Let's get out of here, gang.
Goodbye, professor.
Be a nice dinner.
[American Maid.]
Tick, this isn't working.
We can't just keep jumping from rooftop to rooftop looking for this guy.
We need a strategy.
Mmm.
This is one of those thinking problems, isn't it? You're halfway there, Tick.
Now, where in the city would someone like El Seed hide out? [sign buzzing.]
[Ichibana.]
Help! Help! That sounds like Ichibana.
Help! Good heavens! [grunting.]
Spit that woman out! - Professor, are you all right? - I think I lost a contact lens.
[straining.]
American Maid, I need your finger.
Vile vine, now maybe you'll think twice before you eat another human being.
This is small potatoes.
I'm afraid El Seed has the 400-year bloom.
- Then what about? - Arthur! [Arthur moaning.]
What's in the pollo asada? [door opening.]
- [Tick.]
Arthur! - [Arthur.]
OK, no chicken.
- What's in the carne asada? - Oh, little chum, you're all right.
[Arthur.]
You make fresh guacamole? You make fresh guacamole.
OK Arthur, please, stop ordering food! [coughing.]
- Oh, Tick.
El Seed has the bloom.
- Yes, we know, we know.
There's not much time.
We've got to find him.
[up-tempo music plays.]
Well, this looks like a nice spot.
Rosebud, stop the music.
We'll never find the bloom.
This is terrible.
Well, at least my hay fever is gone.
- [sneezes.]
- [Tick.]
Gesundheit! Wait.
This must mean we're getting closer to the bloom.
I don't get it.
Hay fever is an allergic response to airborne pollen.
The symptoms can include itchy nose, throat and eyes, tearing, a clear nasal discharge, and terrible - Oh, I'm sorry.
- I still don't get it, Arthur.
[speaking slowly.]
He can track the bloom with his hay fever, Tick.
Ooh Wonderful! Follow that allergy! [glass breaking.]
That is a big one.
Oh, I knew it would be big, but that is really enormous.
[sneezing repeatedly.]
Hay fever too bad.
Can't go on.
It must be around here somewhere.
Bad blooming! Fire me, boy! [woman.]
He's not here.
He's out playing with his friends like a normal kid.
Uh OK, sweetheart, then you fire me, boy! No.
OK, everybody out of the pool.
[hollers.]
[woman.]
None of my friends' husbands make their wives blow them out of cannons.
Fire me, boy! A little trouble with the old cannon, eh, Mitch? - Oh.
Hi, Chet.
- Hi.
I'll fire you.
Thanks a lot, Chet.
[screaming.]
Fiendish weed, take it easy! If this plant keeps growing, it'll tear the city apart.
You've gotta sing to it, Tick.
OK, enough is enough.
Cut it out.
This plant is not behaving.
Everything is turning out wrong.
[groans.]
I think I'm coming down with aphids.
You're coming down with me, El Seed! [snarling.]
- [all scream.]
- [tires screeching.]
[speaks Japanese.]
You better turn over a new leaf, El Seed, or I'll turn it over for you! Stop.
You are busting my fronds.
I'll bust your [grunts.]
Good riddance to you, brutal woman.
Now, you'd shoot a guy out of a cannon, wouldn't you? Depends on the guy.
[crashing.]
[man.]
We're OK.
[American Maid.]
Yeah.
We're just great.
Well, sing something! Huh [stammering.]
Oh [sings La donna è mobile.]
[Arthur sneezes.]
It's working.
Tick! Behind you! [continues singing.]
Nobody, but nobody, messes with El Seed and then just calls it a day.
Keep singing, Tick! [sings loudly.]
- [groans.]
- [continues singing opera.]
Hey, Tick! Here is a gift horse for your mouth! [choking.]
Man, that went down the wrong pipe.
[El Seed cackles.]
Oh, yes, oh, yes! [exclaims in Spanish.]
[coughing, gasping.]
OK, buddy, that's all I'm gonna take from Oh, no.
It's growing again! OK, mister, now you've done it.
I'll [El Seed cackling.]
Eat my revolution, blue monkey! Swing low, sweet chariot Coming for to carry me home Swing low, sweet chariot Coming for to carry me home So, Tick, how do you like the taste of flower power? - [retching.]
- [El Seed continues cackling.]
Ow! [moaning.]
Arthur? When John Henry was a little baby Sitting on his daddy's knee He picked up a hammer A little piece of steel Hammer's gonna be the death of me Lord, hammer gonna be the death of me - [sirens wailing.]
- [indistinct police radio chatter.]
Well, it just goes to show, Mother Nature has a load of tricks up her green sleeves, and tonight she really put her foot down.
Yes, here's your little flower, professor.
And next time it blooms, may it bloom in the good way.
[sign buzzing.]
[ticking.]
[sniffling, sneezing loudly.]
- Sorry.
- Gesundheit.
- Sorry.
- Gesundheit! Please, Tick, stop saying [muffled sneeze.]
- Gesundheit! - that.
Gads! Hay fever must be terrible torture.
- Hey, guys.
- American Maid.
- I didn't know you liked flowers.
- Well, thank - Gesundheit.
- Gesundheit.
I come to the flower show every year.
This year I hear they've got a 400-year bloom.
They say it's the world's rarest flower.
It only blooms once every 400 years.
Uncanny! Let's go find it.
I won't believe my eyes.
[flamenco guitar plays.]
- [Japanese music plays.]
- [Arthur sneezes.]
Bloom, little leafling.
Make good your hold upon the world.
Excuse me, that's a very bad idea.
Permit me to introduce myself.
I am Professor Ichibana, the guardian of the 400-year bloom.
It is very sensitive right now.
I had hoped to get back to Japan before its blooming cycle began, - but I blew it on the calculations.
- [Arthur sneezes.]
Now I must soothe the flower with gentle music at all times, or it will bloom the bad way.
A-ha! The bad way! - How bad is that? - Oh, you don't want to know.
Eight hundred years ago we had a bad blooming, practically wiped out the entire Minomoto Dynasty.
Ooh.
Sorry.
[sniffing.]
So taking care of this flower must be very stressful.
- Yes.
High-pressure gardening.
- You don't know the half of it.
A crazed villain has been following me across the country.
He wants this flower in the worst way.
If it were to fall into the wrong hands, your whole city would face grave disaster.
Well, this city's under our protection, so I wouldn't worry about it, professor.
Yes, professor, we Oh, no.
Bad news.
Fierce greenery! [grunts.]
[sneezes.]
Psst.
Moth man, I need your help.
OK, fan face, chew on this! [groaning.]
No one panic.
Everything's under control.
Listen, the creature who sent those saw flowers, he's got a flower for a head.
Oh, great.
El Seed.
He'll stop at nothing to get this bloom.
I want you to take it and keep it safe.
Water it once a day, plenty of sun.
And, whatever you do, don't stop the music.
Oh, OK.
Here.
Take our card.
Here.
You take my flower.
I'll pick up the bloom as soon as I can.
Thank you, Arthur.
[moaning.]
[screeching.]
- You love me.
I love you not! - [leaves grinding.]
You love me.
I love you not! - [flamenco music plays.]
- [growling.]
OK, girls.
- Women.
- Women.
Stop bugging me with your stereo sounds.
Those accursed supermonkeys have tossed themselves into my salad once again.
[sighing.]
Scratch plan A.
We switch to plan B.
That's you, women.
Go find me Ichibana, and bring me the 400-year bloom! [Arthur sneezes.]
Sorry.
- This is the 400-year bloom? - [soft Japanese music plays.]
Yes.
Hey.
You mean that professor has our plant? Yes, Tick, but that's not the point.
El Seed will stop at nothing to get this flower.
[Tick.]
El Seed.
What's that guy's problem? We've got to protect it and keep it from blooming.
You mean in the bad way.
[music stops.]
It's blooming! We need music.
Tick, sing to it! Uh My mind is a blank.
You sing, Arthur.
You're the talented one.
I can't! My nose is stuffed up.
American Maid, sing something.
- What? What should I sing? - Anything.
OK.
O beautiful for spacious skies For amber waves of grain [Arthur.]
I think it's working.
Keep going! For purple mountains majesty Above the fruited plain! Yes, yes! America, America God shed His grace on thee And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea - [growling.]
- Uh Um My country 'tis of Thee Sweet land of liberty [struggling, mumbling.]
[El Seed.]
One last time, Professor Ichibana, what have you done with the 400-year bloom? [mumbling.]
[growls.]
Speak up.
I can't understand you.
I told you.
That's the bloom.
What do you take me for, a monkey? That is a bogus bloom.
A dollar ninety-eight tops.
You switched blooms with The Tick and Arthur.
Ay! The Tick and Arthur! Making their monkey troubles all over my plants, once again.
I hate those guys a lot.
Take it from me, you don't want to mess with the 400-year bloom.
It's trouble like nobody's business.
No one tells El Seed what to do! I can control any botanical specimen.
The plant kingdom is my kingdom! [exclaims in Spanish.]
Bee Twins, I think it's time for you to pay a visit to these counter-chlorophylls The Tick and Arthur.
Now listen, here's plan C [man.]
In Deutschland they sing of the wonders of spring and gesundheit [Arthur sneezes, groans.]
You know, you really have a lovely singing voice, American Maid.
- You ought to sing more often.
- [hoarsely.]
I don't think so.
[woman.]
We interrupt tonight's program with a special news report.
Terror erupted today at the annual civic flower show [Tick.]
Arthur, wait.
Let's hear this.
when Professor Akiko Ichibana, noted botanist, was kidnapped.
Ichibana was on a national tour exhibiting the very rare 400-year bloom, which has also mysteriously disappeared.
Authorities suspect I'll take a bite of the moon for you - And carve my initials - El Seed must have the professor.
We must find that foul flora.
[sneezes, groans.]
I'll stay here and keep the music going.
And fly to your window to see you, too The worst thing of all that would tear me in two It would shake me up if I couldn't pollinate you Our love keeps growing Like a plant on a window ledge Growing and growing and growing so much That your love pushes me to the edge [growling.]
I'd take a bite of the moon for you [screams, sneezes.]
I'm so sorry.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do I'll take a bite of the moon for you I'll take a bite of the moon for you Oh, no! Do you have any queens? Go fish, madman.
All right, I will.
[cackles.]
A pair! I go again.
- You what?! - I got a pair, I go again.
You're a madman, a villain and a cheat! - It's the rules.
- Dirty cheat.
It's not cheating.
I go again.
- [knock on door.]
- It's open.
Come in.
Rosebud.
- [jazz music plays.]
- Ooh! The 400-year bloom! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Listen to me, El Seed, please.
It's more dangerous than you can possibly know.
You know, you're really getting on my nerves.
- Mission accomplished.
- Mission accomplished.
I know! Thank you.
Hey, Ichibana, you want to see a madman? - Just watch my smoke.
- Don't do it, El Seed.
I beg of you.
You like feeding plants, professor? Here.
Feed this one.
[flamenco music plays.]
- [plant screeches.]
- [gasps.]
Let's get out of here, gang.
Goodbye, professor.
Be a nice dinner.
[American Maid.]
Tick, this isn't working.
We can't just keep jumping from rooftop to rooftop looking for this guy.
We need a strategy.
Mmm.
This is one of those thinking problems, isn't it? You're halfway there, Tick.
Now, where in the city would someone like El Seed hide out? [sign buzzing.]
[Ichibana.]
Help! Help! That sounds like Ichibana.
Help! Good heavens! [grunting.]
Spit that woman out! - Professor, are you all right? - I think I lost a contact lens.
[straining.]
American Maid, I need your finger.
Vile vine, now maybe you'll think twice before you eat another human being.
This is small potatoes.
I'm afraid El Seed has the 400-year bloom.
- Then what about? - Arthur! [Arthur moaning.]
What's in the pollo asada? [door opening.]
- [Tick.]
Arthur! - [Arthur.]
OK, no chicken.
- What's in the carne asada? - Oh, little chum, you're all right.
[Arthur.]
You make fresh guacamole? You make fresh guacamole.
OK Arthur, please, stop ordering food! [coughing.]
- Oh, Tick.
El Seed has the bloom.
- Yes, we know, we know.
There's not much time.
We've got to find him.
[up-tempo music plays.]
Well, this looks like a nice spot.
Rosebud, stop the music.
We'll never find the bloom.
This is terrible.
Well, at least my hay fever is gone.
- [sneezes.]
- [Tick.]
Gesundheit! Wait.
This must mean we're getting closer to the bloom.
I don't get it.
Hay fever is an allergic response to airborne pollen.
The symptoms can include itchy nose, throat and eyes, tearing, a clear nasal discharge, and terrible - Oh, I'm sorry.
- I still don't get it, Arthur.
[speaking slowly.]
He can track the bloom with his hay fever, Tick.
Ooh Wonderful! Follow that allergy! [glass breaking.]
That is a big one.
Oh, I knew it would be big, but that is really enormous.
[sneezing repeatedly.]
Hay fever too bad.
Can't go on.
It must be around here somewhere.
Bad blooming! Fire me, boy! [woman.]
He's not here.
He's out playing with his friends like a normal kid.
Uh OK, sweetheart, then you fire me, boy! No.
OK, everybody out of the pool.
[hollers.]
[woman.]
None of my friends' husbands make their wives blow them out of cannons.
Fire me, boy! A little trouble with the old cannon, eh, Mitch? - Oh.
Hi, Chet.
- Hi.
I'll fire you.
Thanks a lot, Chet.
[screaming.]
Fiendish weed, take it easy! If this plant keeps growing, it'll tear the city apart.
You've gotta sing to it, Tick.
OK, enough is enough.
Cut it out.
This plant is not behaving.
Everything is turning out wrong.
[groans.]
I think I'm coming down with aphids.
You're coming down with me, El Seed! [snarling.]
- [all scream.]
- [tires screeching.]
[speaks Japanese.]
You better turn over a new leaf, El Seed, or I'll turn it over for you! Stop.
You are busting my fronds.
I'll bust your [grunts.]
Good riddance to you, brutal woman.
Now, you'd shoot a guy out of a cannon, wouldn't you? Depends on the guy.
[crashing.]
[man.]
We're OK.
[American Maid.]
Yeah.
We're just great.
Well, sing something! Huh [stammering.]
Oh [sings La donna è mobile.]
[Arthur sneezes.]
It's working.
Tick! Behind you! [continues singing.]
Nobody, but nobody, messes with El Seed and then just calls it a day.
Keep singing, Tick! [sings loudly.]
- [groans.]
- [continues singing opera.]
Hey, Tick! Here is a gift horse for your mouth! [choking.]
Man, that went down the wrong pipe.
[El Seed cackles.]
Oh, yes, oh, yes! [exclaims in Spanish.]
[coughing, gasping.]
OK, buddy, that's all I'm gonna take from Oh, no.
It's growing again! OK, mister, now you've done it.
I'll [El Seed cackling.]
Eat my revolution, blue monkey! Swing low, sweet chariot Coming for to carry me home Swing low, sweet chariot Coming for to carry me home So, Tick, how do you like the taste of flower power? - [retching.]
- [El Seed continues cackling.]
Ow! [moaning.]
Arthur? When John Henry was a little baby Sitting on his daddy's knee He picked up a hammer A little piece of steel Hammer's gonna be the death of me Lord, hammer gonna be the death of me - [sirens wailing.]
- [indistinct police radio chatter.]
Well, it just goes to show, Mother Nature has a load of tricks up her green sleeves, and tonight she really put her foot down.
Yes, here's your little flower, professor.
And next time it blooms, may it bloom in the good way.