The War Next-Door (2021) s02e06 Episode Script

1
RIGO'S MEN WALL CALENDAR
I don't know what to do this year, Germán.
Our star model is missing now.
Good morning, buddy!
What's up?
This is the most exciting part
of working here.
- Mmm.
- Every year, during this week,
our event group sends out
a Rigo Men Photo Calendar,
the most awaited publication
in the neighborhood.
And an opportunity
to get ahead with the ladies.
How smart.
And they catch a glimpse
of their favorite neighbors
in their underwear.
- There's a problem, though.
- Mmm.
Each year, Rigo Events chooses
a Mr. Barrio, who has the honor
of appearing on the cover of the calendar.
So what's the problem?
Well, for the last seven years,
we've chosen my buddy, Genaro.
Ah.
He was so popular
with all the women in this neighborhood.
Well, they enjoyed
seeing him naked, I think.
I don't know what to do without him.
Okay, okay. Listen, I'll I'll do it.
- And I won't even charge you for it.
- What?
Just as long as you tell me
that I'm the next Mr. Barrio.
I'll do it.
Hmm. Well, you are the host
that the ladies ask for the most.
Hmm?
Rigoberto!
What's up, Tomás?
I've come to honor the legacy of the great
and late Mr. Barrio. Rest in peace.
Yeah.
I know I should be the next Mr. Barrio
taking Genaro's place.
Well, actually that won't be necessary.
There's already a new Mr. Barrio, Tomás.
Germán?
No! Germán? No, me!
- What? No, no, no, wait.
- I'm doing it.
I've been waiting for years
to inherit the throne.
- It's already been decided.
- No way!
That's exactly what we need.
Germán, launch the call campaign
and we'll get a judge panel.
This year, we're choosing Mr. Barrio
like the old times.
With a beauty contest.
Great!
This is a great idea.
No, no, no. Not one word, buddy.
No, it's already decided.
At Rigo Events, Rigo decides. Huh?
You're done, my Netito.
You're going down. Do you know why?
Because I was taught
by the original Mr. Barrio.
Well, I modeled professionally in college
and appeared in a brochure at my school.
Hmm. I think I can handle
an amateur like yourself.
Yes, yes. A "brochure"?
No, guys, don't fight.
Take care of your face.
Of course I'm not going to Mr. Barrio.
It's a misogynistic and archaic contest.
I thought of signing up.
What? Over my dead body.
I tried to make a reservation
at La Docena,
but now that we're poor,
I didn't have enough.
Did you know a tuna steak costs 250 pesos?
And foie gras here is so expensive.
- It must be inflation.
- It's not inflation.
I think those places
are usually a total rip-off.
I want to take you somewhere special
for our one-month anniversary.
Well, speaking of special
"Tostilocos"?
What is that?
INGREDIENTS
PORK, CORN, PEANUTS
Hi, can I please have
the everything special?
Here's one.
- Do you just eat it like that?
- Mm-hmm.
- And the other.
- Thanks.
No way! These are awesome!
You really never had them?
Well, no. They're not on Instagram
or or take reservations.
They're not even on Yelp.
No, Diego. Last time you made that face
you caused a whole protest at La Privada.
I love you, but I have to go.
See you! You pay.
Really? You're just leaving?
Diego!
Yeah, I'm the OG
And everybody here know me ♪
I make it rain at the party, OG
Everybody here know me ♪
Hey!
Everybody here know me ♪
Hey, friends. It's Cris and Cris
here at the skate park.
- Hey.
- Hope you're all good.
Hey!
That's my friend!
There's only one chance
to have Belinda's life, Crista.
You only have one chance.
Calm down, Pablo.
You're acting super toxic. It's not cute.
Our deal was for us both to get followers
with our fake relationship.
And that's what we're doing, Pablo.
Chill.
Cristiano is just a collaborator.
A collaborator I never approved of.
You're humiliating me on social media.
I'm gonna have no followers.
Ugh! Seriously?
People love a love triangle.
Like in soap operas? So, I'm the bad guy?
It's gossip. No one loses, Pablo.
We all win followers.
Plus, we have to take advantage
of the fact that Cristiano is really hot
since he signed up for Mr. Barrio.
Anybody could sign up for Mr. Barrio.
Oh. Obviously not, Pablito.
You're sweet.
Attention, family, sorry to interrupt.
But, well, you know that this week, well,
it's the Rigo men photo calendar, right?
Dad was always on the cover.
Each one was more misogynistic
than the last.
Look, family, don't get bummed out.
You know why?
Because I, Tomás "The Tiger" López,
will take on the legacy
of my brother-in-law.
I will be the next Mr. Barrio,
what do you think, huh?
- I promise.
- Don't joke about that, Tomásito, my love.
Genaro was really handsome.
Brother, thank you so much
for your good intentions,
but we all know
that there's only one true Mr. Barrio.
And that was Genaro.
I know, Tina, but listen,
I don't want to replace him,
but do you know what will happen
if I don't compete?
They'll give the title to
to that blondie Espinoza.
- No, no!
- I won't allow it.
Or me.
I also signed up for Mr. Barrio.
Poor Pablo.
That Espinoza
who's as white as Wonder bread
will not take the Mr. Barrio title. No.
That title is staying in the family.
In fact, I'll help you win this.
Oh, Tina, thanks so much.
- And me?
- Keep it up, honey.
You just follow your heart,
but we all know that the only one
who can beat Ernesto is your uncle.
- Thanks so much, Tina.
- I'll take this. You finished?
Mmm.
- Another quesadilla.
- Mm-hmm.
And I didn't burn them this time.
Dad, have you ever tried Tostilocos?
- Tosti what?
- Diex,
you'll get salmonella
from eating street food.
You're totally right.
- What's up, hon. You should eat.
- I can't.
I have a photoshoot with Cristiano,
so I'm dieting.
Honey, you have to remember
there is a rule about younger boys.
Being handsome doesn't make him classy.
Look at Adrián Uribe.
Hey, family.
I want to announce
that you are all looking at the next
Mr. Barrio.
Mr. what?
Dad, don't bother. Cristiano's winning.
Tere didn't let me participate
in such a misogynistic contest.
Sweetheart,
you're not in shape for a calendar.
You've gotten chubby.
That's not true.
Plus, it was Rigo who asked me.
And Rigo is my boss.
And if I don't win, then it will be Tomás.
Ew!
And you'll see him everywhere
in his underwear.
Okay. No, no, no, no.
The Espinozas de los Monteros
are the best-looking in the neighborhood.
That's true and that's how it'll stay.
Plus, look at that.
It's in such bad taste.
I mean, at least if you win you'll upgrade
the neighborhood, at least a little.
That's it. So, hey, hey, hey!
Stop eating quesadillas.
You'll be Mr. Barrio.
TOMÁS "THE TIGER" LÓPEZ
Hello, Lulú.
- Oh yes?
- Yes, yes, I'm coming.
Hi, ladies. What's this?
Sure, sure. Don't worry,
I have something for all of you.
Uh, care to explain
what all this is about?
Well, I'm here
campaigning casually, right?
Tomás, would you mind signing this for me?
Of course, my Lulis, with all my love.
How do you want me to sign?
As "Mr. Barrio" or as
"The Tiger"?
That's it.
Maybe you'll stop by the store
one of these days.
- I've got really good avocados.
- Ooh.
Okay, one day, one day.
Okay. See you.
Ooh!
Luli
what about my avocados?
Oh. None for you, Ernesto.
Ooh!
You know how this works, Netito.
When you show off, you win.
Well, fine. Then, I'll show you
that a man's beauty goes beyond
his physicality.
What?
Ooh!
What's up? How beautiful.
Okay, who said "me," huh?
In fact, since you've been so nice, look.
- Whoo!
- Garnachapp.
Taking street food eating
to the next level.
You can rate all the places you visit
with one to ten tacolocos.
Plus, there's an "I got sick" button that
connects you to a gastroenterologist
in your area. Ha!
People who eat street food
don't get sick from eating it, Diego.
That only happens to you
because you're so white
that Montezuma is taking revenge.
It's not my fault
that I have irritable bowel syndrome.
Look, I even made a jingle for the app.
The Flamenco hands sound
like your grandmother making tortillas.
Yes.
I made La Fonda de Dolores a profile
to test the beta version.
Obviously, if she agrees, of course.
Well, dear, do I have to do anything?
I'm not sure.
Just watch your success grow.
Mmm.
Garnachapp.
Do we have a cumbia band?
And, uh, those girls
with the small uniforms.
Rigoberto!
Would you really give Mr. Barrio
to someone like Ernesto?
That title has to stay
with the López Salcido family.
Genaro, your friend, would've wanted that.
Tina, I already announced the contest.
And I may not respect Lent,
but the contest is sacred.
A white guy who is bland like Ernesto,
can't represent
the Baby Jesus neighborhood.
Of course he can!
A white man like Ernesto
would raise the bar in this neighborhood.
- They might call it a magic town.
- We're not even a town.
Magic neighborhood.
Genaro would have loved it
if Tomás won, Rigo.
Ernesto is your best employee, Rigo.
Listen, listen.
I'd love to help you ladies,
but in this case, my hands are tied.
The decision belongs to the jury.
Germán, Cata, and Raquel.
No. Cata, she'll obviously vote
for Ernesto out of revenge!
And what about your man? Huh?
He's on the same soccer team as Tomás.
I mean, it's not fair play.
Okay, then. There's Raquel.
She's neutral.
Hey! It's absolutely prohibited
to reach out to the judges.
I'm finished.
Not if you let me help you.
Not to be mean, but what the hell?
Tomás has a better body than me.
And a sexuality
that's just so natural, and
I can't compete with him.
That's why we'll give
the women of this neighborhood
what every woman really wants.
Uh, to be Dua Lipa?
No. No, Crista. Security.
And who do you think
has more security than anyone? Hmm?
A hot dad.
How else
did Peña Nieto become president?
Okay.
In my experience on Insta,
you show some skin to sell stuff, Dad.
I won't take any of my clothes off.
Okay.
A camera, huh?
I can't believe that guy did this.
Ah, look at this.
He looks like a responsible man at home,
but an irresponsible man in bed.
Okay, Tina. Let's calm down.
Look at this. He's using one
of the oldest tricks in the book.
The sexy dad.
It's about offering stability to women
in order to be liked.
That's how Peña Nieto won.
Look. Tss!
- Well, yes, it's foul play.
- Yeah.
Don't worry about it, bro.
I have a plan.
Huh?
It looks all the same to me, Diego.
Even Mr. Romualdo came again.
He asked for his usual tortilla soup.
Excuse me.
Is this, uh, Dolores Fonda
from Garnachapp?
Yes! Yeah!
Yes, yes. Uh, sit down, please.
Are the prices in dollars?
Uh, yes, yes, my dear.
Sit down, sit down.
Well, what would you like?
Let's see.
- There ya go.
- Thank you.
That's why I don't give it up
on the first date. Trust me.
- Listen
- Hello, hello!
How are you, Raquelita?
- Hello.
- Don't you look divine.
Thank you.
Hey, I came for a little makeover
with your magic hands, girlfriend.
Because ever since you cut my hair,
it's looking better than ever.
Oh, wow. Did it look worse than that?
Way worse, girlfriend. Way worse.
Oh, okay. Well, sit down.
I'll take care of it.
Okay, thanks.
Hey. I found out you'll be a judge
in Mr. Barrio. Congratulations!
Give me the scoop.
Who won your vote?
You know very well
that we can't talk about that.
That information is confidential.
Well, just now that Tomás
is available for anything you need.
You know he loves taking his shirt off
any time, anywhere.
- Oh! I know what I'll do for you.
- What?
I have some new products in from Sweden
that you'll love.
They're a little daring,
but trust me, you'll look gorgeous.
- Anything for you, my Raquel.
- Very well.
Bring out
all the new products we just got.
We have someone
we can test them on.
Beautiful, my love.
I wish you all the happiness
all the happiness in the world, okay?
- You can do it.
- Tomás, I
Shh!
Netito, show respect.
Can't you see I'm in session?
Are you a therapist?
Even better.
I present to you, "Tommy Listens."
Here, women can come and vent
with a man who is sensitive like me.
Right, ladies?
Someone who not only listens to them,
but gives them security.
- Don't worry. It will be fine.
- What are you talking about?
That was my market strategy.
You're a thief!
Here, Martita.
Okay, finally, so you don't get upset,
I offer you a session with "Tiger" López.
The full package.
Right, Martita?
Okay, Martita? How are we feeling now? Ay!
Plus, we have a phone service too.
Hey Uncle, did you use my number?
Look, Pablito. I don't have any data.
Plus, you're a better listener than me.
- Come on.
- Just do it!
Shh! Answer it.
Sure. Yes, okay.
So what do you want? A date or
US DOLLAR
- These prices are crazy, Diego!
- Really?
It's a hit.
We already have 9.5 out of 10 tacolocos.
- Mrs. Dolores.
- Yes?
It says here the menu is in dollars?
Yes, that's right.
And no more credit, Romualdo.
- But this is a rip-off!
- Rip-off?
You charge the same
at your hardware store.
Plus, Blondie here is willing to pay.
- Okay, my dear?
- Mm-hmm.
- No way.
- Let's go.
This is called gentrification!
You should be happy for your grandma.
She's number one in Garnachapp.
Because it's the only restaurant
on your classist app.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I'll be a laughingstock at Mr. Barrio,
and Crista will dump me for Cristiano!
Isn't that relationship fake?
But the pain is real.
Don't worry. If you can't beat Cristiano
with the traditional methods,
we'll have to find
your delineating factor.
Honestly, I don't think you'll beat him
in any category
that involves physicality or charisma,
since he's too handsome and loveable.
The key here is the talent contest.
So what's your talent?
Um
I can get the bitterness out of cucumbers.
Oh, I know I have the highest score
at Mrs. Lulú's arcade.
I can imitate the Perro Bermúdez.
Check it out.
"Tiritititito."
Oh God.
Well, there's also this video
that Mom always bragged about.
I don't know what it is 'cause I would
always leave the room in embarrassment.
Oh no.
I know how we're going to win.
- Mm-hmm.
- No.
What happened?
I don't know. No one wants to pay.
And I haven't changed the prices.
I kept them nice and high.
"Too expensive."
"As rich as Paris"?"
"If you want to get ripped-off
by an old lady, go to Fonda Dolores."
- "The sandwiches are great"
- Oh nice.
"but I had to sell my blender
in order to pay for it."
- Oh no.
- So?
I got the neighborhood
to download your app
and rate it low for being pricey.
Well, now it's ruined!
It's called democracy, Diego.
Admit it, your app is really toxic.
I have a plan.
I know we can turn this around.
But you'd better hurry up
because I defrosted ten kilos of steak.
We'll say that all the reservations
are booked up at La Fonda,
and there are no tables available.
- Lying is a sin.
- No, no, no! It's called marketing.
People love exclusive restaurants
they can't get into.
Oh! Holy Mary, Mother of God!
Uh-uh! Ma, we gotta vote for Raquel.
Judging by how you look,
you got the Devil's vote.
I mean, look at you.
All that's missing is goat feet.
Don't exaggerate.
I'll take a shower and it's gone.
Well, that's too bad.
They cut off our water.
- What?
- Mmm.
No. No, no, no.
What do you mean no water, Ma?
That's how it is.
Holy Mary, Mother of God. No, no, no.
What do you mean there's no water?
Ernesto.
There's no water.
What happened to you?
I got you Raquel's vote,
and she made me look like this.
Don't you laugh.
Don't you laugh.
- Ha!
- Look who also doesn't have water.
- Cheater.
- Oh!
You tried to sway Raquel.
Of course not. I went to Raquel
because I needed a new look.
That why you asked for your eyebrows
to look like a rug made out of a bear?
My eyebrows
are the latest fashion in Paris.
But I guess you and your hair
are only in fashion on this street.
- This street
- Thank you! Thank you for coming!
Whoo!
Welcome to Mr Barrio,
presented by Rigo Events.
Everything for your party!
But as you all know,
the winner of this contest
will be named Mr. Barrio,
and he will be on the cover
of the new male calendar from Rigo!
A warm welcome to the Vásquez family!
- Whoo!
- Oh yeah!
And the Suárez-Suárez!
Okay. I see that you're all anxious
for the contest to start.
All right, then. Let's get started
with the men's catwalk!
Our first contestant, Cristiano.
Eighteen years old.
He's a master at the scooter.
He's got 50,000 followers who love him.
Twice a week, he reads tarot for free
at the park, like Jodorowsky.
Now, representing the new generation
of the neighborhood,
Pablito López.
Son of the late Mr. Barrio, Genaro López.
His ideal date is a walk on the beach
at sunset.
You got this, Pablito!
He's wearing
Wendy Rodriguez apparel.
Look, Huicho Domínguez's son!
- Come on, ladies. No need to laugh.
- Why are you laughing? What's the problem?
What's with the pink suit?
It's to undermine the idea
that pink is feminine.
Like Harry Styles.
Here's a new face in the hood.
Standing six feet tall, and full of joy.
Representing Rigo Events,
Ernesto Espinoza De Los Monteros!
Charismatic, hard-working,
exemplary father, and loyal soccer fan.
He can change a diaper in 15 seconds,
and fill a baby bottle in less.
His hero? César Costa.
A wish? World peace. A strong candidate!
Wait until you see my Tiger.
Your kitten!
Lastly, originally from
the Baby Jesus neighborhood,
Tomás "The Tiger" López.
Holder of the record
for lewd gazes on a single block
in our lovely neighborhood.
They say, if you look into his eyes
for over five seconds,
you'll fall helplessly in love.
That's why I'm careful, ladies.
Tomás lives by a strict WLL regimen.
Work out, live, and love!
What a hottie!
FONDA DE DOLORES
TODAY'S MENU
I told you, ma'am.
We have tons of reservations.
Oh, that's good.
- And they pay in dollars.
- Oh, yes? How exciting.
More good food,
less gentrification!
More good food, less gentrification!
More good food, less gentrification!
Oh my God,
they must be exploiting the locals!
Dude, that's not cool.
Okay, okay. Well, what's going on?
Ever since you raised your prices,
everything's more expensive.
The price of tortillas
has gone up to 50 pesos.
They want to charge double for gas
because they say it's a rich neighborhood.
I've got an idea.
And now, we continue on
with the ladies favorite section,
the swimsuit competition!
Representing the TikTok generation,
Cristiano.
Apparently, riding a scooter is a workout.
Kids, this is proof
that eating vegetables is good.
He conquers both young and old hearts.
Another young one, Pablito López.
In casual, yet bold attire,
originally worn
by the third Mr. Barrio champion in 1945.
Pablito López pays homage,
ladies and gentlemen.
Ernie, Neto, buddy, father.
His favorite drink on the beach,
margarita during the day,
Sex on the Beach at night.
Are you drowning? He's your lifeguard.
Could we be looking
at the next Mr. Barrio?
No, no, no. He's too white. No.
Last but not least,
beware all you pacemaker-wearers,
Tomás!
His motto, "It would be a sin
not to share my God-given talents."
They say he once danced
to over 50 different rhythms,
and 20 lambadas.
Just look at those moves.
Latin Lover has nothing on him, ladies!
Wouldn't you like to dance with him?
Oh! Looks like he needs a bit of lotion.
Watch out Raquel,
those chest muscles are alive!
LOCALS - VISITORS
See?
There's always a creative solution
to business problems.
Oh no. I don't know, dear.
This doesn't really feel like God's plan.
- Everything's fine.
- Wow.
You gentrify, and now you segregate
like a true CEO of a corporation.
Thank you.
Hey, what's wrong?
We brought the old prices back.
But the food doesn't taste
like it used to.
I'm sorry, man,
but the quality has gone down.
And it's also filled with foreigners.
No, no, no! No!
Sit down! Sit
You guys will stay?
It's filled with foreigners.
Sit sit down!
Sit sit down!
Ever since
we made this place international,
they haven't given me a good price
at the market.
And I have to go to the supermarket now.
You know, it's not really the same, Diego.
Wait!
Now that we analyze it, well,
Confucianism is confusing.
And that may leave you confused.
I'll leave you with that.
See? He can say anything
and the whole world will applaud him.
Are you sure your speech will work?
- Stick to the script. You're on.
- All right.
I think we we have to address
the question on on gender,
and we have to be aware
of the implications
and responsibilities that
that that it may imply.
We talk about masculinity
like it is a concrete model.
But it doesn't have to be.
Whoo! That's it!
Ernesto, what are you doing?
You're losing. And this hot daddy thing
isn't working on Raquel.
The thing is that Tomás is constantly
showing his butt cheeks to Raquel.
- And I refuse to take my clothes off.
- Okay.
Throw your shirt at her, give her a wink.
I don't know. Roar at her or something.
And now, the moment we've
been waiting for has come.
It's the talent show!
Go, Tommy!
Good evening.
Here, the universe has no rules,
and the impossible
becomes reality.
Mmm.
A big applause, please,
to welcome the one and only,
Winter The Incredible!
And I, his sexy assistant.
It's not fair! The one with the talent
is that weird kid with the makeup.
Shut up and sit down now, Blondie,
or the magician will make you disappear.
One!
Two!
Three!
Oh my God. Where did he go?
I'm here.
Thanks so much.
It was good, right?
I don't need tricks to win, Tomás.
I am a poet.
We'll see about that.
Oh no.
The struggle of the giants.
They turn air into natural gas.
A savage duel
warns just how close
I am to
entering.
I had to show something.
What a nightmare.
Who chases?
It's the beast behind.
Tell me. Tell me it's a lie.
All of it
a foolish dream.
Nothing else.
It's hugeness scares me.
For me, no!
Where nobody hears my voice.
Stop lying,
don't try to hide.
So he's natural?
Janet, Tomás and Ernesto disappeared.
Well, in his underwear.
This modern-man strategy won't work.
Pablo, don't worry. Stick to the plan.
No, I'll do a rap routine as Bad Bunny.
No.
No way.
I can't now, it's over.
I'm gonna have to give up.
Pablo, listen carefully.
You're going up and doing the routine
that's on that video.
- Okay. Yes.
- Now go and change.
Mrs. Dolores.
Everyone in the Baby Jesus neighborhood
needs your food.
It's the nicest thing about living here.
Ever since I launched the app,
this place hasn't been the same.
I even put it at risk, and I would
never forgive myself if it closed.
I think it's best
for this business to thrive as it used to
and stay open forever.
It hurts, but Garnachapp has to die.
The truth is that
I do miss cooking for a fair price
and making it taste good.
And I like that people
from the neighborhood enjoy my food.
Fulgencio! Starting tomorrow,
we'll have the regular menu.
Oh, you turn me on when you're
socially conscious.
- Yeah, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Yes!
Bravo! Whoo!
- That's it, Pablito!
- Bravo!
That's my nephew!
- In my opinion, you won.
- What are you saying?
If that video gets in the wrong hands,
I'll immediately become a meme.
It's time to name the winner.
Whoo!
Come on, Tommy! Let's go!
And the winner is
Pablo López!
I won?
Pablito!
Bravo, Pablito!
Hey! Great job!
Hey, hey, hey, congrats.
Let's put this on you.
There we go.
Bravo!
Pablo, not only did you show-off on stage,
you also made us think,
and made us feel good inside.
Look, we're looking for a Mr. Barrio
who doesn't underestimate women.
Right, ladies?
- Yes!
- Yes! For sure!
Someone who isn't afraid to be vulnerable,
or be feminine.
That's why tonight,
the neighborhood has chosen you,
because we're tired
of seeing only sexist men.
Plus, we all noticed it was you
who actually running Tommy Listens!
- Yes.
- True. Isn't that right?
- Bravo, Pablito.
- Thank you.
Forgive me for for not supporting you
and realizing
that you're the true Mr. Barrio.
So I'm not made of chocolate?
You are,
but the type that gives special flavor.
This is all thanks to Janet.
She's the real Mr. Barrio.
Winter! Come take a photo of us.
You were right, Chivis.
I'm not ready for a beauty contest.
Surely you were frightened
when I got naked.
That striptease
So unexpected,
so vulgar,
so daring.
That turned me on.
- Huh?
- Let's play poor girl and hot daddy.
- Yes.
- Just put your sweater on.
- Okay.
- Where's the diaper bag?
Over there.
Are you ready?