The Wonder Years (2021) s02e06 Episode Script

1
ADULT DEAN: I'm not saying
that kids in the 1960s
were braver than the kids today,
but there wasn't much that scared us.
BILL: Dean! Get in here right now!
Except the sound of
an angry 1960s father.
I don't even know what I
did, but I knew it was bad,
because Daddy had his
"I'm serious" leg cross
and Mama had her "Please
don't hit him too hard, Bill" face on.
You mind telling me what's going on
with this report card I just opened?
I am so sorry I got a "C" in PE.
I don't care about the "C" in PE.
I'm glad they finally put
you on the boys' teams.
I'm mad about your music grade.
- But I got an "A" in music.
- Exactly.
I've heard you practice. No
way you're an "A" student.
Bill, go easy on him.
That was me going easy.
Only my dad would find a way
to be mad about the
highest possible grade.
I'm going down to that school tomorrow
to speak with this music teacher.
Ooh, maybe he'll show up
right when you're being
stuffed into a locker.
- [LAUGHS]
- Shut up, Kim.
But don't come between
second and third period.
No reason.
[SCOFFS] Well, I'm just happy
Dean's in trouble for once and not me.
Well, we also got the phone bill in,
and who on God's green
Earth do you know in Mobile
at 10:00 at night?
Huh?
♪♪
Hey, Dean, come check this out.
- Whoa.
- [ALL CHUCKLE]
When Cory turns 14 next month,
he's gonna get his motorcycle license.
So your parents are gonna
let you get a motorcycle?
Well, no, but all I need is
the license to show girls.
Man, this makes me want to
watch "Easy Rider" again.
- I know. Yeah.
- You guys have seen "Easy Rider"?
Of course we have.
It's the coolest movie of the year.
But I mean, how?
- It's rated "R".
- My dad took me.
They actually let me in by
myself because of my "moo-stache."
Yeah, still can't see it.
Oh, well, you know, that's cool.
My parents are taking me this weekend.
Even said I could have
two boxes of candy.
- No big deal.
- You're gonna love it, Dean.
It has everything.
Acid trips, violence, and
did I mention there's boobs?
[LAUGHTER]
Boobs.
♪♪
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Excuse me, Mr. Van Der Kamp?
I'm Dean Williams' father.
Oh, please, please, call me Alan.
How can I help you?
I'd like to talk to you about
his grade in music class.
I'm confused. I-I think
I gave Dean an "A."
Yes, and I think we both can agree
he doesn't deserve that and
his grade should be lowered.
Okay. This is a first.
I don't mean any disrespect.
I just want Dean to be challenged more.
I have higher expectations for him.
I'm actually a professional
musician myself.
I know.
I must have seen you play
at Delwood's a dozen times.
You know about Delwood's?
I wouldn't be much of a music teacher
if I didn't know the jazz club
that produced Scooty Carmichael.
You know about Scooty?
They say he invented
6/7 time at Delwood's.
[LAUGHS] I know all the Scooty legends.
I'm just surprised that you do.
Because I'm so tall?
Yeah, something like that.
[LAUGHTER]
Look, uh, if you're looking
to see Dean more challenged,
I'm happy to stay after school with him
a couple of days a week.
He's got real talent.
I think that's a great idea.
Unless we're past the point
where I can bribe you
to lower his grade.
Uh, yeah, that ship
has sailed, my brother.
[CHUCKLES]
All I know ♪
Ohhh, through the highs and the lows ♪
I'mma find my way home ♪
But before I could ask my mom
to let me see a super
cool movie with boobs,
- I was getting extra school.
- Hey, hey, now.
Hey, Dean, why don't we show your dad
what we've been working on?
♪♪
♪♪
Is that "Oxtail Boogie"?
- Yes!
- [LAUGHS]
Yes, it is! Great ear, Bill.
Thought you'd get a kick out of that.
You were flat.
I, actually
Back then, album covers were offensive.
I brought the real thing.
Wow. Scooty live at
The Roanoke from '52.
The Noke, baby.
I never thought I'd see
one of these in real life.
Phew.
You got a minute to listen?
Well, I'm supposed to
get Dean back for dinner,
but I could probably listen to a bit.
All right. [LAUGHS]
You know, a lot of
people don't know this,
but Scooty played more than just sax.
Uh-oh, the one thing
we knew in our family
was that when Daddy
started talking about jazz,
we were in for a long one.
Legend has it, he was the only person
in his high school marching band.
♪♪
Eventually, I had to go to the pay phone
and call Mama to come rescue me.
♪♪
Dean.
You said your dad forgot about
you, but he's right there.
You hear that? [LAUGHS]
- You hear that right there?
- I don't believe it.
Oh, no, he's talking jazz.
Lil, hey. Oh.
Meet the only man who knows more
about Scooty Carmichael than me.
God, help me.
Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Dean's music teacher,
Alan Van Der Kamp.
BILL: Can you believe he has an original
Scooty Carmichael from '52?
I cannot.
Uh, I'm going to take Dean
home before he starves to death.
[CHUCKLES] Y'all don't
stay out too late, now.
Oh, and I made spaghetti, so you know
if you eat too late,
you'll get the heartburn.
Lillian, I'll be fine.
Wow, turns out wives were just
as good at embarrassing you
in front of your friends as moms were.
Oh, yeah, just how he starts it, right?
Well, well, well.
Look who's finally
back from talking jazz
with his new friend.
I'll admit, I am surprised
I enjoyed talking to
him as much as I did.
He's a lot cooler than I thought,
seeing he's a teacher.
Well, he seems to be a
great guy for a teacher.
You'll get to know him
better this weekend.
He invited us to a dinner party.
Oh, darn it, I'm busy that night.
- I didn't even tell you the date yet.
- [SIGHS]
What's so bad about going
to a dinner party with me?
Sorry, I just don't want to get stuck
talking about improvisation
and syncopation all night.
Wow, after all the corporate
picnics I've been to with you?
I had to do a damn three-legged
race with Mr. Davidson.
He secretly liked winning, though.
Fine.
You've done a lot for me,
I can do this one for you.
But if one person starts
scatting, so help me God
You mean like this?
[SCATTING]
[CHUCKLES]
Bill Williams, don't you try me.
[BOTH SCATTING]
♪♪
Hey, there, best big
brother in the world.
- [CHUCKLES]
- What do you want, Dean?
Oh, wow, Army intelligence
trained you real well.
Um, anyway, I need you to
take me to see "Easy Rider."
I'm the only one of my
friends who hasn't seen it yet.
I'll do your basket of laundry.
Deal.
- Seriously?
- Sure.
I wanted to see it anyway.
Wait, so, you'll take me,
even though it has graphic
violence, nudity, and drug use?
There's no way I can handle all that.
[SCOFFS] How bad could it be?
Bruce had just come back from the war.
His barometer for
violence was clearly off,
which worked out great for me.
Hey, Bruce, I need the car keys.
I'm headed to a college party tonight.
It's too late, Kim.
I already told Dean I was
taking him to the movies tonight.
What? No. I need to go to this.
How can I know what college
I want to go to next year
if I don't sample the parties?
Well, from what I hear,
college is about more than that.
I already been to a football game.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sure we can come to
some sibling agreement here.
How about we drop Kim
off before the movie
if she does your basket of laundry?
[SIGHS] Deal.
[CHUCKLES]
Well played, Dean. Well played.
But you should have been more specific.
'Cause this one's still for you.
Fabric softener on all the drawers.
♪♪
My hat look okay?
Yes, Bill.
Are you sure a Jell-O mold
is a good thing to bring?
I know my audience.
Okay. Good.
And you're sure the hat looks
okay? 'Cause I can lose it.
The hat looks great.
Are you surprised you and
Alan hit it off so well?
Well, maybe at first, but
once we started talking music,
it was like talking with any other guy.
He means any other Black guy.
I'm glad you're coming, Lil.
You're a little more used
to these kind of parties.
He means White parties.
Oh, don't worry.
I'll stick by your side.
Last thing I need is to be
stuck with a bunch of housewives
talking about Tupperware
and dress patterns.
Thank you, honey.
Let's hurry up.
They like to start their events on time.
He means everybody but Black people.
This Jell-O mold is absolutely amazing.
Here, you can just put it
right there on the table.
WOMAN: Oh, oh, oh, look who's here.
Mmm!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
This is my wife, Patty.
What a pleasure it is to meet you.
Bill, I hear so much about
you from this one ever here.
I kinda let it slip that
you worked with Marvin Gaye
and everyone is just dying
to hear all your stories.
- Oh, have I got stories.
- Let's do it.
Oh, well, shouldn't I come with?
Oh, no, Lil, I'll be fine.
You ladies have fun together.
Word to the wise, Mary gives
a hard sell on the Tupperware.
She's a force.
♪♪
I sell Tupperware.
- Oh.
- ALAN: Oops!
Ah, almost forgot a bowl.
It's in the pantry.
♪♪
[GIGGLES]
Gotta have a bowl.
So, do you like Tupperware?
♪♪
So, how exactly do you expect
to get into a college party?
[SCOFFS] Don't worry, my friend Gloria
is gonna meet me and let me in.
Enough chitchat.
Hurry up and get out so we don't miss
the talking popcorn and candy.
Be safe, Kim.
I.D., please.
Oh, no, I'm just looking for Gloria.
Then I need your I. D.
Oh. Um shoot.
I left it in my dorm. [CHUCKLES]
Which dorm?
Um, that one. Right over there.
Sorry, I am so bad
with names. [CHUCKLES]
That's the math building.
Oh, no, no, behind the math building.
[LAUGHS]
You mean the creek?
Excuse me.
Come on, Kim's fine.
Nothing bad ever happens
at college parties!
Bruce?
Bruce Williams, is that you?
Ay-yo! Hold tight a sec.
I ain't seen these
cats since high school.
Well, then that means they're
probably not that important.
- Let's go!
- Just Just sit tight a sec, okay?
Listen to the radio.
- Wh
- RADIO DEEJAY: Come see "Easy Rider."
It's the movie everyone's
been talking about.
Now in its final weekend.
And screw that parental supervision.
Don't be such a baby.
ADULT DEAN: Okay, maybe it
didn't happen exactly that way,
but I was determined to see this movie.
I found, when it comes to fabric,
you cannot beat 100% polyester.
[GASPS] Right? I have
the cutest pattern,
and I'm gonna make all the
kids matching jumpsuits.
Aww!
Hey, uh, you ladies know
if the Jacuzzi's ready?
- It's warming up right now.
- Cool.
Lillian, you and Bill should
join us in the hot tub.
Oh, it is so fun.
Oh, uh, thank you,
but unfortunately we
didn't bring any swimsuits.
Don't worry. Neither did we!
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
Ugh, Bruce wasn't leaving any time soon.
If I wanted to see the movie,
I'd have to find some adult
willing to bring a kid into a theater.
Luckily it was the '60s
when adults were still cool.
All right, all right,
come on, guys, come on.
Enough of the war stories.
I want to hear about you two.
Well, I actually just got
named the starting shortstop
for the baseball team here.
That's great! Hey, you
always could pick it.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, man, I could put in
a good word with the coach
for you if you're interested.
Even if it would put me on the bench
like you did in high school.
Yeah, I think my baseball days are over.
I heard you were wounded. Sorry.
But it must be real
nice to be working, huh?
Yeah, I'm actually not
working much, either.
I'm still getting disability
checks from the Army.
Well, your hair sure has gotten long.
Right.
Uh, I am never getting into that party,
Bruce. We can leave.
Okay, Kim.
But where's Dean?
- I thought he was with you.
- Nah, he was.
I only took my eye
off him for one second.
At this moment, I was being
chased across the creek
by the wino who claimed he owned it.
Dean!
Then a few minutes later, Marvin Gaye
comes out the head and says,
"Well, I guess there is
a mountain high enough."
[LAUGHTER]
Bill, I think we should go home.
What? Why?
I think that this is
some kind of sex party.
You have got to stop reading
Kim's Cosmopolitan magazines.
Sex party? My goodness, Lillian.
Just be cool.
Hey, uh, you guys want to
come down to the basement?
I just had it completely soundproofed.
'Cause I got my whole
recording studio down there.
Oh, hang on one sec.
Yeah, uh, Bill, I'm
gonna need your keys.
Oh, no. No.
This has gone on long enough.
I know what's happening here.
Is everything all right?
No, it's not.
Because this is a key party!
For the love of God, be cool.
No, Bill! I read about it in Cosmo.
All the couples put
their keys into a bowl
and then they draw keys to
see who's swinging with who!
But we are not here for
your kinky games, Alan.
Uh, we just need Bill's
keys so we can move his car
so Ted and Kathy can go home.
You're blocking 'em in.
- Oh.
- You know what?
No need.
I think it's best if we leave, too.
Thank you for having us, Alan.
[DOOR OPENS]
Mary, I'll send you a check
for the deluxe Seal-N-Serve set.
♪♪
Why do all the buildings look the same?
Damn public funding.
Um, excuse me.
Can you tell me how to
get to the movie theater?
And please don't tell me to
look for "Upyourbutt" Street.
I'm not falling for that twice.
Oh, wow, you're going in the
completely wrong direction.
[SIGHS]
That an Erlenmeyer flask?
How do you know what that is?
I have a chemistry set at home.
Huh, well, if you're
excited about the beaker,
wait until you see
♪♪
the lab.
Wow, this this this
lab, it has everything!
So many chemicals and
and safety warnings!
T-This is the greatest
night of my life!
Sadly, that remained
true for many years after.
♪♪
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry I ruined your new friendship.
I'm so embarrassed.
- It's fine.
- No, it's not.
You haven't made a new friend
since the band broke up.
Please. It's not like I'm 10.
Stupid band. I hate 'em.
- Oh, no.
- What now?
In all the commotion, I must
have left my purse there.
[SCOFFS] No way I'm going
back into that house.
Okay, I'll just go to the
department store tomorrow
and buy a new one.
And a new wallet.
And some new sunglasses.
[TIRES SCREECH]
♪♪
DEAN: This is way
cooler than "Easy Rider".
Whoa. [CHUCKLES]
The resolving power on this
bad boy is through the roof!
Huh, you really know your stuff.
I don't know why all those
kids are at that party
when they could be in here.
Party?
Oh, I guess I wasn't invited. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
- I know how that feels.
- No. No need to apologize.
I'm doing exactly what I want
to be doing on my Saturday night.
So you wouldn't want to
go to a party or a-a movie
just because your friends are going?
Not really.
I mean, that's the cool
thing about college.
You don't have to do
things you don't want to do.
Hm.
We should really get you back
to your brother and sister.
Yeah, you're right.
But maybe just one
more diopter adjustment?
[SIGHS]
Oh, what the hell?
So, how are you feeling
after seeing your old friends?
I'm fine.
Clearly Bruce was just like Dad
when it came to expressing his emotions.
Hey, does the one on the
baseball team got a girlfriend?
He is a fox!
And, clearly, Kim was
nowhere near like Mom
when it came to making
people feel better.
Never mind.
You ever think about going to college?
I guess. I don't know.
I think about it all the time.
I'm a little scared, honestly.
I-I guess that wouldn't
be very scary for you.
You've already seen the world.
Well, if anybody's ready
for college, it's you, Kim.
Okay, remember when you
were 12 and your Barbie
- lived in a Malibu Dream dorm?
- [LAUGHS]
Too bad they don't give
scholarships for accessorizing.
[LAUGHS]
Who knows, maybe we can enroll together.
You know we'd go for
free at Dad's school.
Great, I'd get to go to college
with my brother and my dad.
DEAN: Oh, there they are!
Dean! Where you been, man?
And how'd you get into the party,
and why you ain't come out and get me?
Oh, well, when I got lost trying
to find my way to the movies,
Cynthia found me and
brought me back here.
She let me see the inside
of the chemistry lab.
They have tungsten
incandescent light bulbs.
Well, now that you're safe,
I think I'm gonna head back inside.
Turns out the party's
more fun than I thought.
Tell Junebug I said bye.
Wow, Dean's had more college experience
than both of us put together.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Ah, Junebug. [CHUCKLES]
♪♪
- Bill?
- Sorry, I
That's not Alan!
- [GIGGLES]
- Oop.
All y'all up in here naked?
So Lillian was right?
This was a sex party all along.
No, no, no, it was a dinner party,
but then some like-minded friends
like to stick around after
dinner for, uh, second dessert.
Why didn't you say that earlier?
We assumed you and
Lillian weren't into this.
That's not why we invited
you to the dinner party.
Oh, really?
You sure you didn't tell
us, because you didn't want
a Black couple joining
in your sex party?
[CHUCKLES]
PATTY: You know what?
We'll give you two some privacy.
Thanks, baby.
♪♪
I'm sorry, Bill.
Hey, man, what you do
in your private life
is your own business.
Just a little caught off-guard is all.
I enjoy talking to you
because, to be honest,
I don't have that many
friends who aren't into this.
He means non-freaks.
I've been in the music
business for years,
I've definitely seen some things,
but this beats my story about mistakenly
getting Billie Holiday's dry cleaning.
Hope this doesn't mean we
can't still talk jazz together.
Of course we can.
Just give me a few days
to forget this image.
You got it, my man.
[SIGHS]
Weeks.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
♪♪
[WOMEN GIGGLE]
♪♪
[SIGHS]
Were they still upset?
I think they've gotten over it.
Look, Bill, I just want to
say again how sorry I am.
Apology accepted.
♪♪
[ENGINE STARTS]
♪♪
Hey, how was, um, the dinner party?
- Fine.
- Fine.
[DOOR CLOSES]
How was your night here?
ALL: Fine.
Yeah, there was no need for
any more details than that.
But as a result, 15 years later,
Dad did co-write the
Whodini songs "Friends"
and the "Freaks Come Out at Night."