Twenty Twelve (2011) s02e06 Episode Script

1 Coe, I think, is gonna get the gold! Coe has beaten Cram! What a marvellous finish! And Seb Coe gets the gold medal! It's still not clear exactly what happened, though organisers, perhaps for obvious reasons, have been keen to deny earlier reports that Mr Fletcher was in fact shot in the foot during some sort of security review here, on site at the Olympic Park.
Tuesday morning, and just 24 days to go at the Olympic Deliverance Commission in London, but the one person who isn't in the office this morning is Head of Deliverance, Ian Fletcher.
OK, here's the thing with us.
What we're looking at here is a totally routine accident.
The fact that he was prepared to have that accident shows you right there just how far guys like him are prepared to go to, like, test security measures ahead of the Games.
No, absolutely.
Yes, I saw that.
Yes.
No.
I saw that one too.
No, I'm afraid I haven't seen The Sun yet.
Right.
Well, I mean, at least that's actually quite funny.
I think that's probably the best one yet.
Meanwhile, over at St Peter's College Hospital in central London, where he's been kept in overnight after a minor operation on his foot, Ian has had a call from Olympic boss Sebastian Coe.
Well, in terms of damage limitation, I gather Siobhan Sharpe's been busy re-inventing me as some kind of Captain Oates character, you know, who's basically prepared to take one for the team in order to Well, no, exactly.
I've already e-mailed her about that.
I mean, not only did he die.
They all died in the end, so Well, no.
I should be out of here by tomorrow at the latest.
I mean, it's just a soft-tissue thing, that's all.
I mean, apparently, they wouldn't have had to operate at all if it wasn't for the bit of shoe that got stuck in there somehow.
So, no, basically it's all good.
No, absolutely.
Absolutely! I will.
And I'll keep you posted in the meantime, obviously.
Absolutely.
OK.
Bye.
Bye.
Right, good.
Daniel, hi.
Hey, Ian.
How are you today? Oh, you know, I've been shot, otherwise I'm fine First of all, I just got you this.
Oh, really? Oh, Daniel! Well, that's really You didn't need to.
It's a chill-out kit.
Right.
Is it? But Ian is aware that as well as being the greatest show on Earth, the Olympics is also a show that must go on, whether anyone likes it or not.
Mm.
And if you massage it into your temples, believe me, it's like suddenly nothing else matters any more.
Oh, well, really, that's David always says it's like mainlining Buddhism in one hit.
Well, that really is marvellous.
But in the meantime, in terms of stuff that does matter Right, yes, sure.
Let me just Right, yes, here we go.
So, women's football Oh, God.
Right.
I know.
With the ticketing I mean, honestly, whose bloody idea was it to open the whole Olympic Games with women's football? I know! In Cardiff! Yes.
Well, I guess ours, presumably.
Well, yes, I know, but still So, anyway, with the ticketing Yes, sorry, of course, yes.
Apparently, we've still got about 40,000 tickets left to shift.
Really? Well, maybe that's not so bad, then, if For the opening game.
Oh, right.
Yes, of course.
Yes.
Right, yes.
Er, not sure quite how to say this.
Well, just say it.
But Daniel has some news of his own that Ian doesn't know about yet.
OK, you know Nina, Seb's PA? Yes, I know Nina, yes.
Right, well, she's had, basically, like a breakdown.
Right, yes, obviously.
No, but this time, it's like she's let go in quite a big way, I think.
Oh, right.
Oh, dear.
Yes.
So, obviously that's like, it's bad news for Nina.
Yeah.
And bad news for Seb, but it's good news for Well, er, good news for me, actually.
Right Oh, right.
I got a call late last night - could I come in early this morning and see them.
Oh, well, Daniel, congratulations.
That's that's great.
I mean, I only took the job on the condition that I could come here and tell you personally and if I could make my first job for them finding another PA for you ASAP Yes, well Which they were totally cool about, by the way.
OK, so 24 days to go, Head of Deliverance, I'm in hospital, I've been shot, my solicitors are wondering where they should send my divorce papers, and now I haven't got a PA.
Oh, well But I suppose a positive thing is, at least I have got a chill-out kit.
You so have! Right, OK.
Eyes down, everybody.
I thought we should have some sort of agenda here.
OK, cool, thanks for that, Nick.
That's great.
Meanwhile, back over at the ODC, the Deliverance team is attempting to hold its regular morning heads-up meeting, even though they haven't got a Head.
OK, so first up, um Yeah, hang on, hang on.
Nick? I mean, I've nothing against you, love, but I don't think you can chair this meeting, I don't care who you are.
Excuse me? And as sometimes can happen, they've been joined this morning by Siobhan Sharpe, from PR company Perfect Curve.
Well, with Ian not here, it it's got to be someone who's a member of the Deliverance Team.
Absolutely, yes.
No, sure.
When you say member of the Deliverance Team, you mean a member of the Deliverance Team from Yorkshire.
Sorry, I can't help being from Yorkshire, love.
It's just luck.
OK.
I'm, um, totally good with that.
Um, so, guys, what we do here is Yeah, do you want to swap seats, love? Sure, yeah.
OK.
That could work.
With the correct protocol of the meeting established, they're now in a position to confront the first item on the agenda.
Great.
Let's crack on.
Friday sees the launch of Inclusivity Day in a ceremony at City Hall, thanks to the endorsement of London Mayor, Boris Johnson.
Don't look at me.
I didn't even know we had an Inclusivity Ambassador.
Well, we haven't.
That's the point.
Duh! But having looked up Inclusivity Day on their own website, they've not only discovered that the official Twenty Twelve Inclusivity Ambassador is due to take part in Friday's launch, but also, that they haven't got one.
Who's that guy that reads the news? Um Oh, no, he's crap.
It really should be a woman, really.
I really think that.
Right, OK.
Alesha Dixon? Er, no.
Alesha's cool, we love Alesha.
I actually don't think people will know who that is.
I think young people probably will.
Ye Pardon? Guys, we're looking at a three-day runway on this.
If we don't get airborne fast, we are so going to be eating tarmac.
OK, what about Dame Kelly Holmes? Holy shit! Nice one.
I mean, she's all right, if that's kind of She's perfect, Siobhan Yeah, I'm on it, I'm on it, I'm on it.
Hi, Fran.
No, don't care.
Not important.
Shut up.
Kelly Holmes.
Availability this Friday? Yeah.
Right.
Uh-huh.
No shit? Sure.
OK, bye.
Bummer! So? Well, Seb's already got her for Diversity Day.
You what? Diversity Day? - Do me a favour! - How many bloody days are there? A packed schedule of events as the Games approach has meant that the Deliverance is launching Inclusivity Day in London on the same day that Sebastian Coe is launching Diversity Day in Oldham.
We're going to have to bring our A-game to the party here, guys.
We've gotta take it to the next level.
Right, OK.
What about Michelle Obama? Yeah, probably not that level, Graham.
Michele Obama?! Give over! I'm just coming up with women here, guys.
OK, Paula Radcliffe.
No! Come on.
Why not? I mean she's very inclusive, she's a woman and she's a mother and in spite of all of that, she's out there very single day, struggling along the pavements OK, here's the thing with Paula, with inclusivity she's just not ticking boxes for us here, guys.
No way! What we're talking about is someone who speaks to everybody.
OK, all right.
OK.
Tanni Grey-Thompson.
Holy fuck! I know.
I mean, I know Siobhan Sharpe and the Perfect Curve lot are supposed to be doing a re-branding job on it.
Well, God knows.
For all I know, they're trying to re-brand it as men's basketball.
I wouldn't put it past them.
It's Wednesday, and much to his frustration, Ian has been kept in hospital for a second night in order to observe his foot.
Because in the absence of a PA, I'm trying to organise the Olympic Games with a hole in my foot, and basically on the end of a phone.
Well, so you keep saying.
We Well, that really would be good, because at the moment all I can say is, this feels very much like trying to conduct shit without a paddle.
Well, you you know what I mean.
OK, bye.
Bye.
Right, good.
Hi.
Yes, hi.
Come on in.
Is it a bad time? Excuse the state of my office, obviously.
Just trying a few ideas.
How are you, Ian? Well, you know, I've been shot Absolutely, yes.
But yes, no, apart from that, you know, it's all pretty, er Oh, well No, it's nothing, really.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
It's just something I thought you might Well, that's Let's just get this off.
It's a plant.
Yes, no.
I'll just Give it here.
It's I don't know why they make this so difficult.
I think that's part of the Just going past M&S and I thought this I think that's part of the .
.
thought that looks really, um Kay, I don't think it comes off.
No, that's fine.
It was 3.
99.
Yes.
On offer from 6.
99.
I don't know why.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Well, no.
I mean, it's lovely.
Thought it might cheer you up.
And it has done, thank you.
Yes.
No.
So, I just thought I'd stop by.
I was Yes.
Yes.
So, how are you? No, still OK, I think.
Still pretty much the same.
Absolutely, yes, good.
Kay, is there anything? No, no, that's fine, thank you.
No, as I say, I was just OK.
Is Fi applying for the Director of Posterity job post-Games? Right.
Is she applying for it? That No, Ian, just tell me.
I don't care.
Doesn't matter.
Tell me.
Kay, you know I couldn't tell you that even if I knew.
I knew it, I bloody knew it! Carey? Yeah, hi.
Cool! Great to meet you.
Coco.
Yeah.
Er, what? No, thanks.
Right.
Meanwhile, across town at PR company Perfect Curve, Siobhan Sharpe and her team have arranged a meeting with one of British women's football's fastest rising stars.
So, this is, like, the team.
Right.
Hey, Carey! Siobhan Sharpe.
This is, like, Barney.
Carey Taylor is already 23.
Captain of Everton Ladies FC at the age of 18, she broke onto the international scene two years ago, with a brilliant individual goal and spectacular sending off against Norway, and ever since, has never looked back.
Anyone want a Brazillo? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bring it on.
Not for me, I'm good.
Is that, like, nuts? We love Brazillos.
- No, thanks.
- Nutty, nutty chocolate! Yeah, we love them! - OK, shoot.
- Go, Barney, go.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Siobhan and her team have come up with the idea of a viral campaign to boost the profile of women's football based around Carey's personality.
OK, so, Carey, how's it feeling, being, like, a star? Yeah.
OK, sure.
But listen, you so ain't seen nothing yet.
- No, no, no.
- Nope.
OK.
Yeah, could I have a Brazillo? Sure, yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Ian, how are you? No, don't answer that! OK.
Stupid question! Meanwhile, back over at St Peter's College Hospital, Daniel has paid another visit to his ex-boss.
I just had a diarize with Seb.
Oh, right, a diarize.
Yes, he likes to have one each morning.
Just the two of us.
He's so busy.
Yes.
It's quite a good idea, actually, cos what it means is, it's 20 minutes in the day when you can really Yes, so what came out of it? Yes, sorry, absolutely.
You'll have to stop me, Ian.
I've got so much to think about.
No, Seb was asking after you.
Oh, well, that's He's really hoping you'll be able to host the Inclusivity Day thing.
Well, yes, me too.
Cos, otherwise, he's convinced Boris'll take over the whole thing as usual, which'll be Yes.
Also, I've got some good news for you as well, Ian.
Not some sort of tickets? Not tickets, no.
No, right.
Of course not.
But I have managed to get you a PA.
Ah, right! Well, good.
Now, that's I had to bend a few rules, obviously, but I think in the end, I have to say it worked out rather well.
Just as long as I don't have to spend time explaining how everything works.
No, no, of course.
No, cos that can be I mean, we've got 23 days left to go.
They've really got to hit the ground running.
No, absolutely.
She's good, this one's good.
OK, good.
Well, that's great.
So No, she's actually outside.
Oh, right.
No, I thought she might as well just start in straight away.
Yes, absolutely.
OK, I'll just go and Yes, OK, yes.
Yes, uh My God, Sally! No, really, it's not a problem.
So, we did some, like, research into, like, this whole thing, right, and what we found is, like, no-one's bought any tickets to women's football.
Nope.
Right! That's so weird, cos what they're saying is, they love women, they love football.
- Women's football - Eh-oh not going to buy it.
Go figure.
Back over at Perfect Curve, Siobhan Sharpe and her team are about to get creative with the idea of Carey Taylor.
So, what we came up with - well, first of all, we had loads of ideas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, ideas.
Yeah.
What we realised is, like, the way to make this whole thing sexy is you do, like, a whole campaign and it's all about you, right, cos you're Wayne Rooney, only it's, like, you're a woman.
Yeah, she doesn't mean that, like, literally.
What? Yeah, I dunno.
So, what you do is, you do everything, like, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, everything, but - Yeah, I do Twitter, yeah.
- Right? But you never mention women's football at all.
Right.
Genius! Pretty cool! So, then it's, like, "Who's that girl?", right? Who's that girl? So, like, you, you're getting out of a car, it's at night, there's, like, a leg, 15 seconds, but we never see who it is.
Who's that girl? Or it's you, you're getting into a car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who's that girl? Who's that girl? Or there's some lips in a mirror, and, like, you're getting ready, putting on your lipstick.
Yeah, what are those lips? And we never see who it is until the final one, when it's you.
And it's like, "Who's that girl? "Come find out.
England, like, versus Holland, Cardiff Millennium Stadium, "like, Wednesday or, like, whenever.
" - OK.
- Yep.
So, what you're saying is, it's not actually about women's football? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is about women's football.
That's what's so cool about this.
It totally is, but the one thing we don't mention is women's football.
OK.
So cool! Cos that's the one bit that nobody likes.
Yeah? I brought my laptop in, I thought I could set it up in here.
Right.
They said there wasn't access to Wi-Fi, but I think they were basically lying, basically, so I went in to see the senior registrar.
Right.
Blimey.
Did you? Yeah.
He wasn't very interested to start with, he was in the middle of some sort of meeting, but in the end he said OK and gave me the password.
Before Daniel, Sally Owen was Ian's long-term PA, until she realised she had to leave one morning due to personal reasons.
But having heard of his recent accident, she's now realised she has to come back.
Sally, I'm not quite sure where to start with this.
Yes.
No, no problem.
No, but look, I really So, I picked up some things on the way in, just in case.
I mean, you probably won't I can change them if Oh, God! Just some T-shirts and stuff.
Oh, no, but look, really, what I And I've brought you some of this too.
Oh, no Oh, God, no.
It's not lemon drizzle cake? Yes, actually.
Oh, Sally, really! No, but look Yeah, so with Inclusivity Day Er, yes, right.
So we have now got Tanni Grey-Thompson.
Yes, so I gather, that's great.
And Boris, obviously, and some, you know, some schoolchildren from somewhere.
Well, yes, yes.
So, I think the idea is that you are meant to make some sort of speech-type thing to start with.
If I ever get out of here, yes.
Yes, you will get out of here, actually.
Right.
Yes.
Right, OK, so what happens then? Well, I think everything, er, will be, you know, pretty much as it used to be before Before! Right.
Yes.
What I actually meant was, what happens on Inclusivity Day? Oh, right, yes.
After I've made the speech-type thing, then what? I mean, what are we actually supposed to be doing there? Yes.
No, that's a good point, actually.
Hi.
Oh, hi, yes.
How are things? Er, yes, OK.
Pretty much ready to go, I think.
Right, OK.
Well, let's take a look, shall we? OK, yeah.
Right, if you just want to lie back and relax.
OK.
How are we doing over here? Oh, you might actually want to step out for this.
Yes, no, I'll stay, actually.
Really? Yes, actually.
Oh, right.
Well, if you really want to see this.
- No, not a problem.
- Hmm, interesting smell! Yes.
I mean, I was thinking, what about if we got them to release 2012 Legacy doves? Right, no.
Legacy doves? Back at the ODC, with just three days to go before the Inclusivity Day press launch, the Deliverance Team are trying to decide what it is they'll be including.
As they take off, they carry with them all the promises and all the commitments around inclusivity we've made to the future in Legacy.
Right, no, I'm sorry, that's Oh, right, yeah, and you mean then they just vanish into thin air.
Well, no No, I can definitely see that working.
Yeah, it's a classic.
I don't think it's fair on the pigeons.
- There are big issues around that.
- Yeah.
We've not had a great week as it is.
We get this wrong as well, we're in danger of running out of feet to shoot ourselves in.
Well, I was thinking, as a better idea, what about they plant a tree? A tree?! So, we give them an acorn, OK This really is a joke, right? They plant it, and from that grows this magnificent English oak, under whose sustainable boughs future generations of future, er, people will be able to gather together with each other and stand under it inclusively.
Right Right, yeah, that's At least with that, the only thing we have to achieve between now and Friday is find a bloody acorn from somewhere.
I'm sorry.
I just think this is a major PR opportunity.
It's not a primary school fete.
Well, look, we need to make a decision here.
I don't care who you are.
People want to know what they're doing.
Well, OK, in that case, why don't we have a vote? A vote.
- Yes.
- Right, here we go.
I don't think that's an appropriate form of I mean, how's that going to work? Look, there are four of us in the room, love.
You two, let's face it, are never going to vote for each other, are you? Er, well No, you're not.
You're kidding me.
Yeah, and you can't vote for yourselves, so that's you out.
Hang on Now, that leaves me and him.
Yeah, me and him, yeah.
Yeah.
Now, in the interests of fairness, I'm going to remain impartial, cos I'm basically in the chair.
Right, OK.
So, that leaves you.
So, pigeons or acorn? What? Who, me? I mean I Well, you're on, like it or not.
I never voted for a vote, so Just choose, for Christ sake.
Right, OK.
Acorn, I don't know, er There you go, sorted.
Yes, sorted, yes.
Yeah.
Brilliant! Sorry, love, that's how democracy works.
Yes, that's how it works, yes.
Tony, hi.
Yes, hi.
Fi Healey, Head of Legacy for Twenty Twelve.
Yes, Fi, yes.
We spoke on the phone.
It's very nice to meet you in the flesh.
No, actually, that was me, actually.
Really? Kay Hope, Head of Sustainability, Twenty Twelve.
Right.
Hello.
Are you sure it's you I spoke to? Absolutely, yes.
Right.
Oh, well It's Thursday, and with Ian now not certain to make the Inclusivity Day launch, Kay Hope has decided to come to Potters Fields, next to City Hall, herself, and literally prepare the ground for the tree-planting ceremony.
And in the spirit of Inclusivity, Head of Legacy Fi Healey has decided to join her, in case anything happens.
Inclusively for future generations.
Hm.
I really think that.
Yes Not sure I fully grasp that, but anyway Tony Griffiths is Chair of the Potters Fields Management Trust.
It seems to me the gist of what you're trying to tell me is that you'd like to plant an oak tree in Potters Fields.
Yes, exactly, an oak tree, yes.
OK.
Well, that's not necessarily impossible, in principle.
Right.
So, I suppose the next question we need to address is, when are we talking about? Right, yes, absolutely.
Friday.
Tomorrow? Er, yes, Friday.
That's correct, yes.
Mm.
I have to say I had a feeling about this.
But, as Kay is discovering, the planning issues around planting something as potentially serious as a tree in a piece of ground as important to Tony as this are far more complex than she has time to do anything about.
A rather nice fraxinus, for example, the precise sitting of which was over two years in the planning.
Gave rise to the only occasion on which I've so far seen a fully grown landscape architect beat a senior planning officer about the head with his bare fists.
Right, yeah, but, er, given that this is Olympic year, and for possibly the only time in I have to say we do get that a lot.
Right, do you? If I had a pound, Fi, for every time It's Kay, actually.
Kay, I'm so sorry, I do beg your pardon.
No, that's fine.
If I had a pound, Fi, for every time someone had said that to me in the last five years, I'd be inviting you back to tea on my yacht.
Really? Right.
Well, just so you know, I'd probably be accepting, Tony, too.
Ah, well, another life, perhaps.
Yes, maybe.
OK Although I have to say, whenever I hear people say that, I find myself thinking, "To hell with another life! "It's this life one really rather wants to live.
" No, sure, tell me about it.
It's OK, thank you.
That's Tony! Look, given that Boris has agreed to give up his time for this, given that Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson has agreed to take part Kay knows that her only chance of persuading Tony to help them at this late stage may well be through the sheer force of her personality.
London's year on the world stage, I really think that, can I just say, is there any way at all that the Management Trust could be persuaded to go the extra mile and waive some of the standard planning procedures in order to make this happen? No.
No, right.
I don't think there is.
In fact, now I think about it, I suppose that's really my point, yes.
No, OK, that's fine.
I'm sorry not to be more helpful.
No, that's fine.
Yes, absolutely.
Thank you very much, Tony, thank you.
Tony? Yes? Before we let you go, I'm going to make a suggestion to you.
Oh, yeah? Yes.
And you might not know it yet but I think you're going to really like it.
Sorry - can I just say Legacy pigeons are totally out of the equation.
One was sort of clinging on, but I'm afraid you've lost me now.
Stay with me, Tony, stay with me.
So, the issue here would be the exact location of the tree, right? Yes.
There is no time to address that between now and tomorrow, that's obvious.
Well, one would have thought so, yes.
No, sure.
So, how would it be for you if we brought along some kind of a raised bed on the day? No.
Basically just a box full of earth, OK, planted the acorn in that, and then just took it away again? Right, no, that's OK.
.
.
actually counter to ev That's not How is that? It's not sustainable in any measure of It's dishonest and, actually, it's immoral, actually.
Yes, it's immoral.
Anyway, what do you think? I rather like the sound of that, Kay.
Look, it's Fi! What? It's fine, Tony.
No, I'm sorry, it's not fine, Tony.
It's Fi.
She's Kay.
What? No, that's Look, I have to say, in your position, these are the sort of details one rather hoped to have got more or less straight in advance.
Yeah, I know.
Yes, exactly, yes, thank you.
Yes, there's another e-mail from Danny Boyle's people.
Oh, right, brilliant.
What now? Yes, apparently he wants more nurses.
Well, we all do.
I haven't seen one all morning.
Yes, no.
They want more nurses in the opening ceremony to represent Yes, I know, to represent nurses.
Yes, but apparently there aren't enough of them.
OK, well, fine.
Get some more, then.
Yes, no.
I think his point is that there aren't enough nurses in the NHS, actually.
No.
Well, what's he expect us to do about that? Yes.
I mean, He'll just have to have fewer nurses dancing harder.
Right.
I mean, Benny Hill managed it.
I don't see why he can't.
Yes.
No, not a problem.
Um Meanwhile, it's Thursday, and after another night in hospital, Ian is still waiting for news on the minor infection on his foot.
I checked in on the office phone for messages.
Oh, right, yes, good.
And there's one from your solicitor's, actually.
Right, yes.
They want to know where to send some the, um Divorce papers? Er, yes, actually, I think they were.
Yes.
I think you need to sign them.
Well, yes.
Yes.
So, they were asking, should they send them to your home address or to here? Right, yes.
No, I was meant to get back to them about that.
Shall I just say to send them here, you know, speed things up a bit? No, I think I might just wait until I know for certain what I'm doing.
Yeah, right.
With the foot, I mean.
Oh, yes, absolutely, right.
Yeah.
Hi.
Fi, hi.
Is this a good time? Er Absolutely, come on in.
Just thought I'd pop in.
You remember Sally? Oh, sure, yeah.
Hi, Sally.
Yeah, not a problem.
Good to see you back.
So, I heard about the infection.
Yes.
Did you? I'm not sure you're going to be allowed this in your current condition.
Oh, well, Fi, that's They're actually quite strict here, actually.
Tequila chocolate slammers? Yeah.
Oh, well, that's very Thank you.
What I was thinking So, right, yes.
Now that you're not going to be able to make tomorrow No, well, it looks like it.
I'd be really happy to host the whole thing, if you thought that was a good idea.
Right.
I thought I'd offer, at least.
Well, right.
I mean, I know that Kay has been doing quite a lot of preparation for it already.
Oh, no, sure.
Yeah, I know she has, I know, but I mean, Kay's great, don't get me wrong, I've got a huge amount of respect for what she does.
Well, we all have, yes.
Yes.
I don't know, I mean, sustainability and inclusivity Well, yes? I suppose my worry is, no-one really knows what either of those two things are, anyway.
Well, that's not true.
I mean, they're absolutely what we're about.
It's And Legacy, obviously.
I And multiculturality.
I just think Legacy's probably an easier thing for people to get hold of on these occasions somehow, that's all.
I think what I'd say to you here is Sorry Sally? Sorry, excuse me, Ian.
No, no.
Sorry, um No, sure.
I just wondered I don't know if you've had time to look at that e-mail from Seb yet? The er right.
You may have to prompt me with that.
No, not a problem.
Um, it's just with, um, Inclusivity Day and Diversity Day coming on the same day Oh, bloody hell, yes.
Diversity - that's another thing we're about, of course.
Yeah, he's very keen on differentiation.
Hang on.
Differentiation? That's not another day, is it? No, no.
No, good.
No, I think the idea is, he wants to talk about Legacy as part of Diversity, up in Oldham, and so, basically, wants us to present, um, sustainability as part of inclusivity here, actually.
Right, OK.
Oh, brilliant! At least that clarifies things a bit.
No, it doesn't, actually.
That doesn't make any sense at all.
Well, I mean, it gives us a sense of where we are, which is a big positive to take out of all this.
Yeah, where we are is planting a fucking nut in a box.
Well, I mean, that's Unless you want to go up to Oldham.
Oh, great, yeah, Oldham! That could happen if you wanted it to.
Actually, that's not a bad idea, Sally.
Yeah, thanks, Sally! Not a problem.
It's Friday, Inclusivity Day at Potters Fields, but despite the proximity to City Hall, Mayor of London Boris Johnson has pulled out at the last minute due to a malfunction, which has forced Siobhan to have an idea.
As a result, Paralympic gold medallist Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson will now be sharing the ceremonial honours with the Wayne Rooney of Great Britain's women's football, Carey Taylor.
The commitment that Twenty Twelve feels towards the future, er, the future posterity Kay is all too aware how significant the next ten minutes could be for her, both from a sustainability point of view, as well as in terms of any future posterity there might be after the Games.
You all set? Yes, yes.
Cool.
You're so going to kill here! Absolutely, yes.
So, just to be clear Sure, yeah.
Now that Boris isn't here, when I get the acorn, I give it to Sure.
I hand it to Tanni, to actually plant.
No, totally.
Sure, that's a great idea.
Right.
Cos I was thinking that might Is that going to be a bit with the spade? Oh, no.
OK, sure.
I wasn't sure if, um No.
Ah, no, not going to work.
Mm.
Um, OK, so here's the thing with this.
Um, here's what we do this.
Um, what we do is, you give the acorn to Tanni, and then what she does is, she passes it to Carey, and then Carey plants it.
Right.
OK, that's such a cool idea.
OK.
And who gives the acorn to me? Excuse me? Is it like a wedding, where the best man? You don't have the acorn? Well, no, I haven't got it.
OK, OK.
Who's got it? Who's got the acorn? OK, OK, OK.
No, Siobhan, this We haven't OK, so, um, here's what we do here.
OK, here's the thing with this, OK.
Um, what it is, is OK, the thing with this is Who's got it? Who's got the bloody acorn? Um, OK.
What we do is, um Here's the thing with this, um OK, what we do is Can I just say, I'm very angry about this.
OK, OK, here's what it is.
No.
You've got to do this, Kay.
No.
You If I'm sorry, I'm not planting a chocolate.
It's a nut, OK? Who's going to know? Get over it.
Right.
Fucking hell! To plant a living seed, a living symbol of seed of sustainable inclusivity across not only the whole of the Lower Lea Valley and beyond that, but beyond that, beyond that, um, a future testament to Twenty Twelve's lasting commitment to the future in posterity.
Thank you.
Whoo! Way to go! With the key messages about inclusivity more than fully covered by Kay, it's time for Siobhan to step in and use her PR skills to finesse the media impact of the planting ceremony itself.
Just right back, just right back.
Thank you.
In her world, whether she knows it or not, it's all about the power of the image, and the power of this image is fast becoming almost literally symbolic.
OK, if you want to hand the acorn to Tanni.
OK, great.
So, Tanni, if you could pass it to Carey.
That's it, Carey.
Go on.
OK Whoo! Whaay! Come on, Carey! Go, Carey! Whoo! Yeah! Go, inclusivity! I mean, I only glimpsed it briefly, but I saw the expression on Tanni Grey-Thompson's face, and unless it's always like that, which I doubt, something happened there, I know it did, and I'd like to know what.
Either way, I'm leaving hospital shortly, I'm mobile again, so I can come over to the Perfect Curve offices if necessary as soon as you bloody pick this up.
OK, right, thanks.
Right, good.
How's it going down there? Er, yes, pretty good, actually.
How does that feel? No, good.
Yes, I think that's fine.
It's Friday afternoon, and having at last been given the all clear with his foot, Ian is finally preparing to leave hospital.
God, this cake is good! Yes.
Are you actually going to finish, um? Oh.
Oh, God, yes, I'd better had.
You spend your entire married life waiting to get a divorce then you forget to sign the bloody papers.
Yeah, it's annoying, actually.
Right, um, OK, so But no matter where he is, in her role as PA, Sally knows how vital it is for him not to take his eye off the ball.
Oh! Right, thanks.
She also knows that detail is everything if the things that need to happen are going to happen.
Right.
And here too.
Ah, right, yes.
OK.
Yes.
Right.
So Hm.
So, that's all good.
Well, thanks, Sally.
Mm, not a problem.
Thank you.
Um, have you finished? Yes, thank you.
Thanks, Sally.
Actually, Sally, can I ask you something? Er, yes? You know when Fi was here yesterday? Yes, right, absolutely.
And you mentioned that e-mail from Seb about, er, you know, um, Legacy and differentiation and Oldham and all that stuff? Oh, yes, yes.
I never found that.
Er Did you make that up? I'm sure I saw it somewhere.
Right.
Yes.
Sally, you are magnificent.
Not a problem.
With the loose ends tied up, all that's left now is for Ian to get up and walk on his own two feet again.
Shall I carry your bag? Er Oh, well, thank you.
Yes, that would be be a good idea.
Right, well, here we go.
Yes.