Work in Progress (2019) s02e06 Episode Script

1 Previously on Work in Progress.
This is still kind of fun, right? - Kind of.
- So what's the gaggle of crones getting into this weekend? A group of crones is not called a gaggle.
It's called a dustbin.
You know what? I hope she turns out gay.
It would make everything so much easier.
How, exactly? What kind of janky fuck site are you even on? I'm just looking.
The San Francisco branch isn't coming in for the meeting next week.
They suspending all travel.
All right.
I love you.
It's gonna be all right.
We'll be all right.
Hey, man.
Six fuckin' feet.
Oh, Jesus.
I hope you have insurance.
You know I don't, bitch! - Excuse me, ma'am.
- What are you - Sorry.
Oh, this is Oh.
- Out of my way, ma'am.
Make way! That's what I call a food permit.
Wait, you got your Bulleit, right? - Hell, yeah, I did.
- Thank you very much! Where's the party? - Uh - It depends.
Watch your six.
Ha! Okay! Ha, we did really well! Yeah, this will last us the week.
Let's not make promises we can't keep.
Got it.
All right.
What the fuck? Yeah.
Say that again.
That poster looks really good.
Can I get that blue marker for a minute? - Mm-hm.
- Oh, hey, Irene! You do know this is the Lesbian Caucus? Oh, yeah.
I Yeah.
Well, aren't you a bisexual? - Yeah.
- Exactly.
This is lesbian only.
Oh.
So you won't feel comfortable here.
- I didn't know.
- Irene You're only the treasurer, Campbell.
Yeah, thank you very much.
And eat it.
I won that election fair and square.
No, she called you the t treasurer.
Well, I just wanted to Campbell, I knew I shouldn't have come here.
- What? - I just Come on, let's go walk it off.
You're fine.
- God - Hey, what are you doin' on Friday? I mean, I have a lot of things I'm deciding between.
No, I don't have any plans.
A bunch of us are goin' out Friday night to this club up on the North Side.
It's called Big Chicks.
It's lesbian night.
Oh.
Yeah, I know.
And like bis There's gonna be dancing.
It's gonna be fun.
Y You got me.
I'd love to go.
- Thank you so much.
- That's awesome.
Yeah, come on.
Let's go.
You comin' in? Um I mean I'm thinkin' about it.
I don't know.
Trust me.
You're gonna love it.
Really? Okay.
It looks hot.
Oh, I was right! Oh! Abby! Oh! You made it! I'm so glad! I can't believe this place! It's amazing! I know.
I'm fuckin' freakin' out! It's so great! - Oh my God! - Let me just go - get some Rolling Rocks! - Yes, please.
I'm gonna order, you buy.
Okay, let's not make this a habit.
Down the hatch and into the spirit.
Ahh! - More, please.
- Oh, God.
You know, we're from out of town.
We go to college.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Whoo! I feel good out here.
It was so fucking hot in there.
I swear to God.
I was sweating through all my layers.
Feel Don't, it's gross! - But I don't care.
I had so much fun! - Called it! You did call it.
Thank you so much.
- Is this your first time? - Yeah.
That's okay though.
I mean, oh, my God, I was so nervous.
Why? Well, I don't know.
I mean, I was just like feelin' sick, kind of.
And and like, I was on my way up here, I almost turned around like several times.
And I'm so fucking glad I didn't.
Thank you, Campbell.
Oh, you're welcome.
Fuck! I belong here! I am a lesbian! No shit! Yo! Fuck you! Yeah! Fuck you! You heard what she said? She said, "Fuck you!" Fuck you and your little friend with a backwards visor on! - Bye, fuckers! - Shall you? Oh, we shall.
- What's your name anyways? - Name's Lory.
I'm Abby.
I'm really excited to meet you.
- Whoa! - We better see you in there later, Lory.
Drink.
Drinks, please.
- Abby? - Um-hmm? Do you feel like the world is finally catching up to you? Wait, what are you talking about? Oh.
Definitely.
Welcome to my world, girl.
Okay, well, I don't know how you do it.
- It's not fun.
- Because it's tiring.
And my hands feel like they're like cottonmouth.
- You know, like they have it.
- Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah.
So when did you start cuttin' hair? - I had no idea you did it.
- Yeah.
I learned at the Bosco Amore Hair Academy.
Amore Okay.
- Oh, you've heard of it.
- Yeah.
I've heard of it.
- No, you know Nora.
- Yeah.
Seven kids.
She made sure that each one of us had a trade, but I'm tellin' you, it was so she could get free shit.
- Oh, for sure.
- So she could get free asphalt resurfacing, free dental hygiene, free HVAC repair.
You name it, she's got a kid for it.
Also, I love that one of the things she often needs is asphalt resurfacing.
Jesus, Nora.
Well, cheers to Bosco Amore and also to your mom.
'Cause your girl likes the family discount.
Oh, you think you're getting a discount? Uh Okay, we should have like talked about that before.
Don't make me laugh.
- It goes uneven.
- Yeah.
Wait, why did you stop cutting hair? Because it's just cooler to have "beauty school drop-out" on your resume.
Am I right? That's actually pretty tight, like totally Frenchie.
- The first time I saw Grease, - Uh-huh.
and actually every subsequent time Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
I was, like, trying to find out who I loved more, Rizzo or Kenickie.
Ugh, Abby, please.
It's Chacha.
Ooh la-la.
Abby, you're gonna love this.
Oh, yeah, I mean, I am not overhyping this.
Yeah This is what I'm so envious of you right now.
I mean, you're literally not gonna want to leave.
This place has everything you could possibly want.
Okay? - It's a Porky's for lesbians.
- Okay, you know what? That's everything you would ever want.
Okay It's so much more than that.
- What are you fucking doin'? - It's a place where you get to be who you want to be without fear.
Boring.
Okay? It's a place where you can bone anyone you want without fear.
With consent.
Campbell, is Wimmin's Fest like your spring break? - Oh, correct, yes.
- With a little less Dave Matthews and a little more Enya.
Do you wanna hear my most perfect Wimmin's No.
You're arriving with one girlfriend, and you're leaving with a different one.
- You're single.
- Yeah, exactly.
This year, I'm gonna be the other girlfriend.
Right? And then next year, I'll let some sexy, you know, ambitious dyke steal my lady, and it's me paying it forward.
Let's fuckin' get it together, people.
- We're almost there.
- Okay, Grandpa! I'm tryin' to tell you somethin' about my life! One hour without being a stereotype, Nancy! I went to the doctor I went to the mountains And I looked to the children And I drank from the fountains There's more than one answer to these questions Pointing me in a crooked line And the less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine Yeah Whoo Abby, you are going to love this.
You are, you are I mean, seriously.
You're going to weep when you leave.
I think that gullies can be just as comfortable as a bedroll.
- You've slept in a lot of gullies? - Enough.
- What if it rains? - What is rain when we are communing in Mother Na We're almost there.
We're almost there.
Come on.
It's time to start drinking.
Abby, beer me.
Oh we're here! We're here! This room makes me wanna sing sad Sarah McLachlan songs.
Please don't.
I thought you said Sarah McLachlan songs.
I'm just nervous.
I think I have - nervous energy right now.
- I know.
It makes sense.
But come on.
You've seen photos of her, videos of her.
It's gonna be great.
I know.
But she hasn't seen photos of me.
I just want to get through this meet-and-greet so I can bring her home, and I don't know even what they're like, looking to make sure that I'm not someone who Starts singing Sarah McLachlan songs - when you see a fucking puppy? - Yeah.
- Fair.
- Good luck on that test.
I am so sorry to keep you waiting.
Little Bob Barker made a potty on his new parents.
I just want to say that couples like you Oh, we're not a couple.
- No.
- Oh.
Well, dogs that go to a house with two loving parents Oh, no, no, no, no.
I have my own place.
The dog will be comin' home with me.
She's just here for really little to no moral support at all.
Hi Okay.
Well, uh, I'll be back in a jiffy with Sparkle.
Thank you.
- Sparkle? - Oh, I'm changing that.
I just can't wrap my brain around that you're moving back to your apartment tomorrow.
It's so weird.
I know.
But I figure it's time.
- Right? - Yeah.
With the dog, I'm gonna be coming inside and outside more often.
And I don't want to do that to you, Abby.
Mostly for my sake, because you know I'm horny.
- Oh, God.
- Well, I am not gonna apologize for being a healthy, sexually frustrated Woman of the Year! I don't want you to apologize.
Just don't use the H-O-R-N-Y word.
I like the word.
Hey, are you gonna be okay on your own? I think so.
Kind of makes me wanna, you know, start belting out off-tune Sarah McLachlan songs.
Oh, I know.
That's what it seems like Isn't Zoom therapy just like normal therapy, though? You know? Ostensibly, but, like, you're fucking talking through a screen.
Yeah.
But I mean, now that this therapist is leaving, - Uh-huh.
- I think you should consider it.
But did I ever tell you that Doctor Franklin once said that people with severe anxiety thrive in chaos? This is me thriving.
I mean, seriously, I don't have to go into work.
I can start drinkin' at four o'clock.
Eastern.
I was gonna ask which time zone.
Yeah, I don't have to shower every day.
Ugh Could you, though? I mean for us, the world.
I know.
Okay.
- This is Sparkle.
- Oh! Oh, my gosh.
Oh.
Oh, this is Eleanor Roosevelt.
I love you.
I'll do anything.
Oh, I love her so much.
- I love you.
- What's your secret? I'm here too.
It's like the prom.
What's up? Oh Oh, I love you.
I think she might be deaf.
Would you like to say "Hi" to Abby? Okay.
You know what? - That's rude.
- Yeah, just roll your eyes.
You're perfect! I love her.
Well, good luck.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
To the two of you.
- Hold on, we're not - We're not - Right.
You got that? - Watch your mouth.
- Jesus.
- Oh, too little too late.
- And it's called One-O.
- One-O? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
It'll be fun.
No, I don't need any help.
Oh, no.
She's fine.
Hey, Campbell, we gotta go.
Registration's about to close.
All right, yes.
Yes.
All the good workshops are gonna fill up.
Let's go.
Chandler, are you fucking ser We're in the middle of a fuckin' forest.
What? I want to make sure it's clean in case we have fucking guests, Abby.
Yeah, 'cause everybody who's gonna visit is very clean.
- What a tool.
- Yeah, have fun, Susie Homemaker.
That's homo-maker to you.
Go fuck yourself.
I'll catch up.
- Don't worry about her.
- Don't bother.
Burn! Such a burn! - Have fun.
- Catch you later.
- We'll meet you there.
- Yeah.
All right.
Support inclusion.
Lesbian Avengers for inclusion.
Oh.
What a joy, what a joy.
Oh, your sweet faces.
Hello.
We're gonna be here for seven hours.
Just kidding, just kidding.
Thank you all for coming to Gender Journeys.
Yeah, let's have fun.
Look, look at all the beautiful varied bodies we have here today.
Take a look around.
Now, our journey begins with understanding our bodies, right? And and appreciating it for all that they do.
Once we shed societal expectations that are forced upon us as women of what our bodies should look like, of how they should be presented, we can fully immerse ourselves in the infinite possibilities of how we define our full selves, including our innate gender.
Now, take this time to take in every aspect of your perfect vessel.
Don't be shy.
Go ahead.
From your toes to your nose, and higher.
Take your time.
Sit with that vessel.
You can yup, do it at your own speed.
Don't worry.
Abs! Hi! Oh, my God.
Hi.
Look at what I made.
- I want you to - What the fuck is that? I went to the Build-a-Beaver Workshop.
- Oh, my - Isn't she a beaut? Get that fucking thing out of my face.
You said you were gonna go to the Unpacking Internalized Misogyny workshop.
Yeah, I decided it's best packed for - a little while longer.
- Okay.
How was the Gender Journey workshop? Did it take you anywhere exciting? You know, we're gonna find out when I get poison oak from the woman sittin' next to me.
- Oh, no.
- Whoa.
Hey.
Can you please do me a favor and take this back to camp? There's a massage tent up there with the world's hottest masseuse, and you know your girl's scapula needs some T-L-C, STAT.
Well, you know what? You owe me one.
- Yeah.
- I'll see you later.
Also, be careful with that.
Why would I not be careful with that? I know exactly where I'm going at all times.
- This is why.
- You know what? This is why.
Okay.
Fuckin'! - Fuck you! - We'll count 'em out for you.
- One, two, three, four.
- Keep rollin'.
Keep rollin'.
Good.
So what do you think so far? Blue.
Sorry, Chandler.
Fuck you, Nancy.
- Goddammit! - Of Wimmin's Fest? Yeah.
It's bullshit.
Ah! Fuck you.
Okay.
Whip.
I know what I'm doin'.
Ooh.
We have a quick learner.
Oh, and I have an announcement.
I have one O.
- Good for you.
- Take it easy.
I've been playin' your whole hand.
You take it easy.
Oh, good.
Come back.
She's got one card.
- You know what? - I've never been less nervous in my life.
This has happened before.
I guess I'm just glad that we're all here together.
How schmaltzy is that? Aw Cheers! To the dykes of Chicago.
Revenge is coming That request is denied.
Hey.
Have you seen those Gender Myth flyers around? Yeah.
What about 'em? I think they're from the Camp Trans people.
Hmm I'm just gonna destroy you right now, Chandler.
- Just don't turn out - Fucking hell! Please don't turn out the electricity in my tent.
Already done.
I mean, I think they're really interesting.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if by interesting, you mean boring, then it's very interesting.
For real, what do you think about them? I mean, I-I don't think about them.
This is a place for women.
- I win.
- What? - What the f? - Renee.
Um, excuse me.
Who was in charge of watching Renee? Okay.
I-I said we should've been playing Charades all night.
Like she would have played that Hey, Abby.
- Hey, Alexis.
- Oh, God.
Uh, what're you up to? What are you doin' here? Um, I'm a woman who has sex with women.
No, I remember why we broke up.
Um, I thought you had moved to Philadelphia? Yeah, I I did.
I'm here with my girlfriend.
What the fuck.
That is a two-bit, cheap imitation of Abby.
No, she's not.
She's from Canada.
You know what? Whoever she is, I bet she's lovely.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Quick question.
Did you take out an ad in, like, the Coveralls R Us for someone like my ex with a shitton of pockets? Got it.
Okay.
- I'm gonna go.
Yeah, 100%.
- Yeah, bye.
Bye.
- Cool.
- It was good to see you.
Yeah, have fun.
- with your little game.
- Hey! Hey! Before you leave, I just want you to take one more look at the original Abby.
Okay? This doesn't fuckin' happen every day.
All right? Goodbye, goodbye.
- Have a good one.
- Goodbye.
Really glad The Land is such a peaceful place.
Emily's husband was like, "No, I'm gonna go model for this art class in the nude.
" And I'm like, "I don't get that.
" - - Are you fucking kidding me? What? They're canceling Dyke March.
Well, shit.
I mean, I get it, but shit.
I bet that means Pride Parade is gonna be canceled.
Okay, you know what? I can live with that.
Did you hear that this year, they're being sponsored by Cheesy Puffs? Flavor blasted for the gays! And finger blasted for the dykes.
I swear to God, I don't know myself anymore.
First off, you're crude and you're rude.
Two, don't make a mockery of Pride Parade.
It's a beacon of hope for queer acceptance.
You know who's really gonna be the most heartbroken? You're here.
You're queer.
And I'm getting used to it.
We're here.
You're queer.
And I'm gettin' used to it.
Okay.
First of all, I'm so glad you're getting used to it.
Also, did you and your insurance bros have a great time at the Pride Parade? Totally.
Where the fuck were you guys? Actually, where the fuck are Aly and the kids? Oh, she's parking the car.
I'm too drunk to drive.
- Oh, my God.
- And we we dropped the kids off at my parents because they were gettin' too much sun.
Oh, they were getting too much sun? - Yeah.
- Hey, are you just gonna kind of hang out there, or do you wanna come over and join some real gays? There he is! Hey Jags, I'm so happy to see you.
Words I never thought I'd say.
Ooh! Abby, please tell me that you got the kids some beads.
- I promised Meg you'd get her some beads.
- You have the best entrance to every party.
You're just always happy - to be here.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Aly? - Yes? - I can get you some beads.
- Okay.
All right, hook it up.
But, uh, you can never ask me how I got them.
I'll tell you in a heartbeat.
Story.
Sounds like a good story.
Do not blame the fuckin' homos for you starting to smoke again.
My Lord.
Jags! Hey Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Do you enjoy bein' a big ole queer for the day? Yeah, it was awesome.
I didn't even know Mike was gonna be there, and then we ran into a bunch of friends from - work and school and stuff.
- What? Can you believe Brad and his fiancée? I know.
Brad the homophobe.
Okay, hold on.
Who gave him that nickname? Oh, he gave it to himself.
Hey, did you know that the Jewel float is actually a giant shopping cart? It's so cool.
Where were you guys anyway? We wanted to surprise you.
Oh, we actually don't go to Pride every year.
It's just become somewhat of I don't know.
There was this huge Double-Decker bus, and that was the Citibank float.
Citibank loves the gays.
- You've come a long way, baby.
- Don't.
I couldn't have said it better than Jags himself.
- What? - Words I never thought I'd say.
Hey, you know what, Jags, no offense.
None taken.
I'm gonna get some food.
Yeah.
Okay.
For example, Citibank - just loves money, right? - Um-hmm.
But they especially love that sweet, sweet, - sweet gay boy money.
- Uhh Ah-huh.
Okay.
And then they're there.
And they're tryin' to get It's just like, I don't know who the Pride Parade is for anymore.
Just doesn't Don't get it.
- Hi.
- Um-hmm.
Would you like to end this one-sided conversation and grab yourself a beer? Uh, would that be all right? - I mean, it is your day.
- Thank you.
Thank you for noticing.
Grab me one too.
Grab me one too.
She's got a pineapple to fill and I've got an empty fist.
Nickname in college.
All right.
Ay Oh, it's our last housemate dinner tonight.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
You know, I could make my world-famous puttanesca.
World-famous? To which world are you referring? Also, Campbell, are you sure you're gonna want to cook tonight? A woman can work like a whore all day, and still come home and cook a bellissima meal, all right? - Like a sex worker, okay? - Okay.
And I'm sorry, work all day? You bought a ton of booze, most of which is for you.
You gave me an amazing haircut, and you adopted the most perfect dog on the face of the planet.
You know what they say.
"Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.
" That just rolls off the tongue.
- Hi, Nance! - Hey Booze Pixies delivery number one! - You're the best.
- You are, love you.
- Thank you.
- Actually, I don't think I wanna cook tonight.
How about we do our favorite thing, which is order in? That would break our record of nine consecutive days in a row.
Your girl loves a milestone.
How about chicken? We haven't had that for a while.
Okay, not to disagree.
- We had Roost on Tuesday.
- Hey! Hey, Bubba.
That was just Tuesday? Hi.
Oh my God.
I fuckin' love you assholes! Booze Pixie Delivery.
Be careful.
- You too.
- And fuck off.
- You too.
- What are other ideas for our final Bacchanalian meal? How about soup? How is that Bacchanalian? What's wrong with soup? I'm sorry.
When did you become a Polish grandmother? Okay, I was gonna save this surprise for your birthday, but it's been something I'm trying on for size.
And I'm loving it! It's fitting like a glove! Damn right it does, Babciu.
Borscht, borscht, borscht, borscht, borscht - Hey - Hi.
This is so sweet, thank you.
Hi, Campbell! I love you.
You know me.
I'm the Bulleit bitch.
This Booze Pixie shit is awesome, by the way.
- It is.
- You're the Booze, I'm the Pixie.
It hurts because that's very fair.
Let's just go Vietnamese and call it a day.
Okay? Oh, yes.
You know what? Hi-Yan is so good.
Then I can get soup, and you can get not soup, and then we're both happy.
Okay.
Oh, thank God, saved by the buzz.
I literally cannot talk about you moving out.
Hey, hey, Jamal, how's it goin'? Hey, Jamal.
Abby, um, can you come to my mom's? Yeah.
Your dad What happened? Your dad's in the ICU.