A.N.T. Farm (2011) s02e07 Episode Script
EndurANTs
Way to finish the school year, cheerleaders.
We wiped the floor with the competition.
Not literally.
I don't do housework.
It's called homework.
And I don't do it, either.
Our trophy will have its place of honor here.
Front and center.
Wow.
I did better than last year.
I won the trophy for winning the most trophies.
What are you doing? You're gonna take up all the space! It's not my fault they made my cello trophy life-sized.
Don't worry, Lexi.
We can make more room by taking out some of the lamer trophies.
Here.
Nobody cares who won the giant meatball-making contest.
Okay, Lexi, don't get upset.
Remember your alternate nostril breathing.
Paisley, this time next week, it'll be summer vacation and you and I will be in Australia, thousands of miles away from the nearest Ant.
Hey.
What are you guys doing in Australia? Are you here for the A.
N.
T.
Convention? A.
N.
T.
Convention? Yeah, thousands of Ants from around the world have gathered at this hotel for seminars, demonstrations, and to compete in the Antlympics.
Hey, guys.
Look who's here! Hey! Hey, Lexi.
It's Fletcher from school.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! I like bowtie pasta.
When you spill it on yourself, it just looks like you're dressed fancy.
There's Chyna.
This is the summer she starts seeing me as a man.
Ow! My fingy! Well, at least you cut yourself shaving.
G'day, mates.
Hmm.
It's a good day now.
The name's Neville.
Tazmanian Neville.
You probably know me from my hit show on the Animal Taunting Network.
I love your show.
I watch it all the time.
It's on right after Dancing with the Sharks.
Well, we'd better get going so we can see some more interesting demonstrations.
The British etiquette prodigy is about to show us how to properly sip tea and look scandalized.
Don't go yet.
I'm about to introduce you to some of my wild friends.
Like Rory over here.
Also this lizard.
Which one of you is man enough to say hello to this razor-toothed beast? I'll do it.
I'm man enough.
Hey there, little fella.
Stop handing me pamphlets! I'm not an Ant! Do I look like I'm part of this bunch of creepy, nerdy losers? Answer her! She asked you a question! Here.
Some teeth for the girl with the beautiful smile.
Wow, in our country, we put our baby teeth under our pillows.
Well, they're crocodile teeth.
Just one of the many vicious animals I encountered on my outback trek.
What is that? Well, it's It's a traditional rite of passage during which adolescent males undergo a spiritual journey and live for a period of up to six months in the deadly wilderness of the outback.
Crikey, Olive! Let the cute boy talk.
Oh, big deal.
So, he fights crocodiles.
I've been in much deadlier situations.
I used the bathroom after Angus on the plane.
Is everything okay? You seem troubled.
I'm just tired of everyone thinking I'm a wimp.
A label only sticks if provided the glue.
Ah, so you're saying they see me that way because I allow it? I don't know.
I just read it in a fortune cookie.
But I do know it isn't easy for a boy to become a man.
What you need is an outback trek.
Yeah, that might clear my head.
I could use a walk out back.
See you in six months.
Six what now? Fletcher? Fletcher? Well, we checked.
He's not in the gift shop.
Did you look anywhere else? No.
But we got you this platypurse.
You seek the one called Fletcher? Yes! Have you seen him? He is many miles away, deep in the outback.
On a trek to become a man.
Fletcher will never survive alone.
He's like a baby.
How's a baby supposed to survive in the outback? Well, I can think of one way That's not gonna happen! You have to rescue him from the outback.
What's the big deal? So, Fletcher's lost in a steakhouse.
The Australian outback.
A vast and remote expanse known for its harsh climate, barren landscape, and deadly wildlife.
Just to be safe, we should split up and check both outbacks.
You take the deadly one.
We'll never find Fletcher ourselves.
We're gonna need some help.
Neville! Our friend, Fletcher, is lost.
Will you help us find him in the outback? Of course, I will.
I say we wait at the salad bar.
People always come back for seconds.
I can't wait to get out of this Ant infested hotel and go to the beach.
It was nice of the hotel to leave this free surfboard in my room.
This is just great! Half my Ants left on some tour with Tazmanian Neville.
They're going to miss competing in the Antlympics! Who cares about some stupid competition that pits the best and brightest young people against each other as they demonstrate their exceptional talents? It's not like it's a beauty pageant.
So much for first prize Fifty thousand dollars to remodel your Ant Farm into whatever you want, a state-of-the-art computer lab, state-of-the-art art lab, a state-of-the-lab lab lab.
A lab-lab-lab-lab lab lab.
Or, a beauty salon.
Come on, Chyna, it's time to trim my cuticles.
And Paisley's not-quite-as-cuticles.
A beauty salon would be great, because I'm thinking of getting a perm.
Then let us enter.
Winning the music competition would be a cinch for me.
And I'm a really good artist.
You don't know this about me, but my work is on display all over the Usa.
You mean U.
S.
A.
? I know how to spell Usa.
One problem.
They know you're not Ants.
You made that pretty clear when you called everyone in this room, "A bunch of creepy, nerdy losers!" Don't look at me.
I'm just quoting this girl who hates you.
I think I may know a way we can compete.
We're ready for the Antlympics.
I'm a boy.
This is where I left your friend.
Okay.
Do you know which way he went after you I really wish he'd stop doing that.
Do you know which way Fletcher went? Uh-huh! Here.
These must be his tracks.
I'm pretty sure Fletcher has more than three toes.
Well, maybe two of them got eaten by a moose.
There are no moose in the outback.
They're native to the Northern Hemisphere.
And we're in the Southern Hemisphere.
Right.
Shouldn't you know this stuff? Well, yeah.
I do.
If it's in the script.
But you're in the Australian A.
N.
T.
Program.
You're a prodigy.
Yes.
An acting prodigy.
What? But you led us to believe you knew how to survive in the wilderness! Yes.
As I said, acting prodigy.
I just play Tazmanian Neville on TV.
My real name is Barry Feigenbaum.
But Tazmanian Feigenbaum didn't have quite the same ring to it.
Well, that would have been a good thing to tell us before we followed you into the middle of a snake infested desert! There are snakes out here? Welcome, everyone.
I'm Bruce Tepley, winner and sole survivor of Dancing With the Sharks.
I'll be your celebrity judge for this year's Antlympics.
First up, Art.
Paisley, I'm going to say to you what I say to all the Ants before a big competition Have you seen my wallet? I Each of you will create an artistic representation of my lunch.
On your marks, get set Create! Go, Paisley! I mean Go, Herbert! You've got to be kidding me! That painting is Amazing! It's out of this world like that spaceship from that science fiction show I watch.
I'm a boy.
You said your work was on display all over the Usa.
It is.
It's on my grandparents' refrigerator.
They drive all over the Usa, camping in their rv.
You mean R.
V.
? I know how to spell rv.
We're gonna die.
We're all gonna die.
We're all gonna starve to death and die.
I'm the star of a wilderness survival show.
If I die out here, people will mock me on the message boards.
Just relax.
Someone will come looking for us.
It's Fletcher I'm worried about.
I have an idea.
How about we play the "Who should we eat first?" game, and then not make it a game? Don't worry, we won't starve.
We could hunt for one of those kookaburra birds with this boomerang I made.
Oh! Okay.
Here goes.
Wait, what if you miss? Don't worry.
The angle of the boomerang's airfoil wings creates aerodynamic forces that curve its trajectory, making it travel in an elliptical path and return to its point of origin.
Or not.
Okay, forget food.
The desert, it gets cold at night.
It does? That's crazy.
Maybe we can start a fire by banging these two rocks together.
Oh! Those aren't rocks.
Those are emu eggs.
What's an emu? It just sounds funny.
Eee-mooo.
The emu is a soft-feathered, brown, flightless bird that, despite its cuddly appearance, can tear the flesh off a human when angered.
A little bird can do that? Oh.
they're not little.
They're about this tall.
This isn't emu yolk.
This is hair gel.
Yes.
Ooh! This is all Fletcher's fault.
We wouldn't be out here if it weren't for him.
He wouldn't be out here if it weren't for us.
He obviously wanted to prove he's tough because we tease him all the time.
I tease him because I love him.
You don't tease me.
I know.
What? I can't believe we may never see Fletcher again.
I remember the first time I met him.
Welcome to the place.
Oh, look, that kid's carrying something.
That's Fletcher.
Yadda yadda blabbedy blah.
Dynamite.
Is that how normal people remember things? I remember it perfectly.
It was a Monday.
I woke up at 6:42.
I brushed my teeth, starting on the lower right quadrant I just decided who we should eat first.
To me Wow, that nerd can sing.
We still have a chance.
Yeah, we may have lost at art.
But we won at robotics, science, and cooking.
Plus I won this ice from the slot machine in the hallway.
Thank you to the contestant from the Usa.
Sorry.
That's the U.
S.
A.
What do you have to do to get some bloomin' punctuation around here? Lexi, you're a really good singer.
How come you're never the lead in the school play? And now, singing and playing the wobble board, please welcome the contestant from Australia! She's the last contestant.
And there's absolutely no way on earth that this one person could possibly be a better singer than you! Down under, we wonder From sun down to dawn Why wallabies run circles around in the lawn Wallaby, wallaby, wallabaloo Try not to step in kangaroo poo She's terrible.
That speech you made before she sang made me nervous.
Why did you say it like that? I have absolutely no idea.
There is no way on earth I will ever do something like that again! Well, now that we've heard the musical performances, I think it's obvious who deserves to win.
The team from Australia! You've got to be kidding me! You just picked her because you wanted your own country to win.
Put a sock in it, Yankee-doodle-dork! The Aussie team wins.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, oi, oi! Even the Yiddish team is rooting for them! I've been parading around dressed as a nerdy Ant all day for nothing? You're not an Ant.
You're disqualified.
You forfeit the second place prize.
A $49,000 Ant Farm makeover.
So, no beauty salon? So much for my perm.
Now, I'll always have straight chest hair.
I'm a boy.
Thank goodness the emus finally left.
We can go back to looking for Fletcher.
What we need to look for is some water.
This plant I got at the gift shop is doing really badly.
Hey, look, there's a watering hole.
But it's surrounded by those mu-mus.
Yes, but look what I found.
Feathers.
They're everywhere.
Hey, good idea.
We'll tickle them until they give up the water.
Or we can do something that makes sense.
This is your idea of something that makes sense? Okay, I'm going to go now, guys.
See you all at the next family reunion.
Uh-oh.
Run! Quick! Get in! This is it.
We're doomed.
And the worst part is, we never saved poor, helpless Fletcher.
Yee-haw! Fletcher? Step back.
These emus require a delicate touch.
That was incredible.
You saved our lives.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm so glad you're okay.
I'm fine.
I found some food and water.
But I bet you guys have probably been eating like kings with Tazmanian Neville taking care of you.
This guy? The only hunting and gathering he's ever done is in a gifting suite.
Hey! Don't laugh.
Those things are brutal.
I had to fight off Nicole Kidman to get that necklace.
Well, maybe you need an outback trek.
It's done wonders for me.
It made me realize I'm stronger than I thought.
Yeah.
Way stronger.
You know, Fletcher, I never realized it before, but I feel like I might actually What? You might actually what? See? Told you it'd work.
G'day, mates.
I'm Tazmanian Neville.
On today's show, I'll teach you how to carve a right proper boomerang and then, I'll show you how to tame a flock of wild emus.
But first, I'd like to bring out a very special guest.
Just the other day, as I was facing the perils of the merciless outback, I rescued this poor, helpless nine-year-old boy.
What? That's not what happened.
Sorry.
I can't understand you because of your crazy accent.
What accent? I don't have an accent.
That's what you sound like.
I'll tell you.
in that getup, boy.
Maybe someday fight a croc, p, and get a necklace just like this one.
Ow! My fingy!
We wiped the floor with the competition.
Not literally.
I don't do housework.
It's called homework.
And I don't do it, either.
Our trophy will have its place of honor here.
Front and center.
Wow.
I did better than last year.
I won the trophy for winning the most trophies.
What are you doing? You're gonna take up all the space! It's not my fault they made my cello trophy life-sized.
Don't worry, Lexi.
We can make more room by taking out some of the lamer trophies.
Here.
Nobody cares who won the giant meatball-making contest.
Okay, Lexi, don't get upset.
Remember your alternate nostril breathing.
Paisley, this time next week, it'll be summer vacation and you and I will be in Australia, thousands of miles away from the nearest Ant.
Hey.
What are you guys doing in Australia? Are you here for the A.
N.
T.
Convention? A.
N.
T.
Convention? Yeah, thousands of Ants from around the world have gathered at this hotel for seminars, demonstrations, and to compete in the Antlympics.
Hey, guys.
Look who's here! Hey! Hey, Lexi.
It's Fletcher from school.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! I like bowtie pasta.
When you spill it on yourself, it just looks like you're dressed fancy.
There's Chyna.
This is the summer she starts seeing me as a man.
Ow! My fingy! Well, at least you cut yourself shaving.
G'day, mates.
Hmm.
It's a good day now.
The name's Neville.
Tazmanian Neville.
You probably know me from my hit show on the Animal Taunting Network.
I love your show.
I watch it all the time.
It's on right after Dancing with the Sharks.
Well, we'd better get going so we can see some more interesting demonstrations.
The British etiquette prodigy is about to show us how to properly sip tea and look scandalized.
Don't go yet.
I'm about to introduce you to some of my wild friends.
Like Rory over here.
Also this lizard.
Which one of you is man enough to say hello to this razor-toothed beast? I'll do it.
I'm man enough.
Hey there, little fella.
Stop handing me pamphlets! I'm not an Ant! Do I look like I'm part of this bunch of creepy, nerdy losers? Answer her! She asked you a question! Here.
Some teeth for the girl with the beautiful smile.
Wow, in our country, we put our baby teeth under our pillows.
Well, they're crocodile teeth.
Just one of the many vicious animals I encountered on my outback trek.
What is that? Well, it's It's a traditional rite of passage during which adolescent males undergo a spiritual journey and live for a period of up to six months in the deadly wilderness of the outback.
Crikey, Olive! Let the cute boy talk.
Oh, big deal.
So, he fights crocodiles.
I've been in much deadlier situations.
I used the bathroom after Angus on the plane.
Is everything okay? You seem troubled.
I'm just tired of everyone thinking I'm a wimp.
A label only sticks if provided the glue.
Ah, so you're saying they see me that way because I allow it? I don't know.
I just read it in a fortune cookie.
But I do know it isn't easy for a boy to become a man.
What you need is an outback trek.
Yeah, that might clear my head.
I could use a walk out back.
See you in six months.
Six what now? Fletcher? Fletcher? Well, we checked.
He's not in the gift shop.
Did you look anywhere else? No.
But we got you this platypurse.
You seek the one called Fletcher? Yes! Have you seen him? He is many miles away, deep in the outback.
On a trek to become a man.
Fletcher will never survive alone.
He's like a baby.
How's a baby supposed to survive in the outback? Well, I can think of one way That's not gonna happen! You have to rescue him from the outback.
What's the big deal? So, Fletcher's lost in a steakhouse.
The Australian outback.
A vast and remote expanse known for its harsh climate, barren landscape, and deadly wildlife.
Just to be safe, we should split up and check both outbacks.
You take the deadly one.
We'll never find Fletcher ourselves.
We're gonna need some help.
Neville! Our friend, Fletcher, is lost.
Will you help us find him in the outback? Of course, I will.
I say we wait at the salad bar.
People always come back for seconds.
I can't wait to get out of this Ant infested hotel and go to the beach.
It was nice of the hotel to leave this free surfboard in my room.
This is just great! Half my Ants left on some tour with Tazmanian Neville.
They're going to miss competing in the Antlympics! Who cares about some stupid competition that pits the best and brightest young people against each other as they demonstrate their exceptional talents? It's not like it's a beauty pageant.
So much for first prize Fifty thousand dollars to remodel your Ant Farm into whatever you want, a state-of-the-art computer lab, state-of-the-art art lab, a state-of-the-lab lab lab.
A lab-lab-lab-lab lab lab.
Or, a beauty salon.
Come on, Chyna, it's time to trim my cuticles.
And Paisley's not-quite-as-cuticles.
A beauty salon would be great, because I'm thinking of getting a perm.
Then let us enter.
Winning the music competition would be a cinch for me.
And I'm a really good artist.
You don't know this about me, but my work is on display all over the Usa.
You mean U.
S.
A.
? I know how to spell Usa.
One problem.
They know you're not Ants.
You made that pretty clear when you called everyone in this room, "A bunch of creepy, nerdy losers!" Don't look at me.
I'm just quoting this girl who hates you.
I think I may know a way we can compete.
We're ready for the Antlympics.
I'm a boy.
This is where I left your friend.
Okay.
Do you know which way he went after you I really wish he'd stop doing that.
Do you know which way Fletcher went? Uh-huh! Here.
These must be his tracks.
I'm pretty sure Fletcher has more than three toes.
Well, maybe two of them got eaten by a moose.
There are no moose in the outback.
They're native to the Northern Hemisphere.
And we're in the Southern Hemisphere.
Right.
Shouldn't you know this stuff? Well, yeah.
I do.
If it's in the script.
But you're in the Australian A.
N.
T.
Program.
You're a prodigy.
Yes.
An acting prodigy.
What? But you led us to believe you knew how to survive in the wilderness! Yes.
As I said, acting prodigy.
I just play Tazmanian Neville on TV.
My real name is Barry Feigenbaum.
But Tazmanian Feigenbaum didn't have quite the same ring to it.
Well, that would have been a good thing to tell us before we followed you into the middle of a snake infested desert! There are snakes out here? Welcome, everyone.
I'm Bruce Tepley, winner and sole survivor of Dancing With the Sharks.
I'll be your celebrity judge for this year's Antlympics.
First up, Art.
Paisley, I'm going to say to you what I say to all the Ants before a big competition Have you seen my wallet? I Each of you will create an artistic representation of my lunch.
On your marks, get set Create! Go, Paisley! I mean Go, Herbert! You've got to be kidding me! That painting is Amazing! It's out of this world like that spaceship from that science fiction show I watch.
I'm a boy.
You said your work was on display all over the Usa.
It is.
It's on my grandparents' refrigerator.
They drive all over the Usa, camping in their rv.
You mean R.
V.
? I know how to spell rv.
We're gonna die.
We're all gonna die.
We're all gonna starve to death and die.
I'm the star of a wilderness survival show.
If I die out here, people will mock me on the message boards.
Just relax.
Someone will come looking for us.
It's Fletcher I'm worried about.
I have an idea.
How about we play the "Who should we eat first?" game, and then not make it a game? Don't worry, we won't starve.
We could hunt for one of those kookaburra birds with this boomerang I made.
Oh! Okay.
Here goes.
Wait, what if you miss? Don't worry.
The angle of the boomerang's airfoil wings creates aerodynamic forces that curve its trajectory, making it travel in an elliptical path and return to its point of origin.
Or not.
Okay, forget food.
The desert, it gets cold at night.
It does? That's crazy.
Maybe we can start a fire by banging these two rocks together.
Oh! Those aren't rocks.
Those are emu eggs.
What's an emu? It just sounds funny.
Eee-mooo.
The emu is a soft-feathered, brown, flightless bird that, despite its cuddly appearance, can tear the flesh off a human when angered.
A little bird can do that? Oh.
they're not little.
They're about this tall.
This isn't emu yolk.
This is hair gel.
Yes.
Ooh! This is all Fletcher's fault.
We wouldn't be out here if it weren't for him.
He wouldn't be out here if it weren't for us.
He obviously wanted to prove he's tough because we tease him all the time.
I tease him because I love him.
You don't tease me.
I know.
What? I can't believe we may never see Fletcher again.
I remember the first time I met him.
Welcome to the place.
Oh, look, that kid's carrying something.
That's Fletcher.
Yadda yadda blabbedy blah.
Dynamite.
Is that how normal people remember things? I remember it perfectly.
It was a Monday.
I woke up at 6:42.
I brushed my teeth, starting on the lower right quadrant I just decided who we should eat first.
To me Wow, that nerd can sing.
We still have a chance.
Yeah, we may have lost at art.
But we won at robotics, science, and cooking.
Plus I won this ice from the slot machine in the hallway.
Thank you to the contestant from the Usa.
Sorry.
That's the U.
S.
A.
What do you have to do to get some bloomin' punctuation around here? Lexi, you're a really good singer.
How come you're never the lead in the school play? And now, singing and playing the wobble board, please welcome the contestant from Australia! She's the last contestant.
And there's absolutely no way on earth that this one person could possibly be a better singer than you! Down under, we wonder From sun down to dawn Why wallabies run circles around in the lawn Wallaby, wallaby, wallabaloo Try not to step in kangaroo poo She's terrible.
That speech you made before she sang made me nervous.
Why did you say it like that? I have absolutely no idea.
There is no way on earth I will ever do something like that again! Well, now that we've heard the musical performances, I think it's obvious who deserves to win.
The team from Australia! You've got to be kidding me! You just picked her because you wanted your own country to win.
Put a sock in it, Yankee-doodle-dork! The Aussie team wins.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, oi, oi! Even the Yiddish team is rooting for them! I've been parading around dressed as a nerdy Ant all day for nothing? You're not an Ant.
You're disqualified.
You forfeit the second place prize.
A $49,000 Ant Farm makeover.
So, no beauty salon? So much for my perm.
Now, I'll always have straight chest hair.
I'm a boy.
Thank goodness the emus finally left.
We can go back to looking for Fletcher.
What we need to look for is some water.
This plant I got at the gift shop is doing really badly.
Hey, look, there's a watering hole.
But it's surrounded by those mu-mus.
Yes, but look what I found.
Feathers.
They're everywhere.
Hey, good idea.
We'll tickle them until they give up the water.
Or we can do something that makes sense.
This is your idea of something that makes sense? Okay, I'm going to go now, guys.
See you all at the next family reunion.
Uh-oh.
Run! Quick! Get in! This is it.
We're doomed.
And the worst part is, we never saved poor, helpless Fletcher.
Yee-haw! Fletcher? Step back.
These emus require a delicate touch.
That was incredible.
You saved our lives.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm so glad you're okay.
I'm fine.
I found some food and water.
But I bet you guys have probably been eating like kings with Tazmanian Neville taking care of you.
This guy? The only hunting and gathering he's ever done is in a gifting suite.
Hey! Don't laugh.
Those things are brutal.
I had to fight off Nicole Kidman to get that necklace.
Well, maybe you need an outback trek.
It's done wonders for me.
It made me realize I'm stronger than I thought.
Yeah.
Way stronger.
You know, Fletcher, I never realized it before, but I feel like I might actually What? You might actually what? See? Told you it'd work.
G'day, mates.
I'm Tazmanian Neville.
On today's show, I'll teach you how to carve a right proper boomerang and then, I'll show you how to tame a flock of wild emus.
But first, I'd like to bring out a very special guest.
Just the other day, as I was facing the perils of the merciless outback, I rescued this poor, helpless nine-year-old boy.
What? That's not what happened.
Sorry.
I can't understand you because of your crazy accent.
What accent? I don't have an accent.
That's what you sound like.
I'll tell you.
in that getup, boy.
Maybe someday fight a croc, p, and get a necklace just like this one.
Ow! My fingy!