Alpha Males (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

1
[classical music playing]
So we're breaking up?
I thought we were good.
Maybe to you.
- Huh?
- I'm sick of having to keep this a secret.
- Oh, God. [sighs]
- For 30 years, my dad was in the closet.
I'm not gonna hide in one too.
Okay, so let's tell him
when it's his birthday, hmm?
But why did you lie to me about the dog?
Oh, shit. You're obsessed
with the damn dog, honestly.
Do you not see that I felt sorry
for the poor little guy?
I had a poodle when I was little,
and he comforted me.
- He was there when my parents argued.
- See?
- We're getting to know each other.
- [huffs]
Break up when
it's getting interesting? No.
You want my father
to sign off on your project.
- And that's it.
- That's so twisted.
- It's the truth!
- You really think so?
I can't believe you would think that.
Come on, I also think that you shouldn't
be worrying your father with this.
- Our negotiation is so important.
- So I should worry about being with you?
That's not what I meant.
Sure, you like me.
But you like your project more.
Totally the same.
Oh, no. I meant I like you more.
- Honestly, I like you a lot, Paula.
- You can fuck off.
- No, wait, I like you more.
- I said you can fuck off.
ALPHA MALES
Good morning, losers.
You see how I wake up looking beautiful?
Ha! It's not true. It's the filter.
Ta-da!
This here is my ugly mug when I wake up.
If I move closer,
you can tell what side I sleep on.
Don't fuck up your self-esteem with this,
or you'll go to the surgeon with photos
that are a lie.
All right. Have a bad day.
[laughing] My God! That's some
bullshit you tell your Danielers.
Hey, I was thinking that because
of my hyperactive mental state
that I should probably check
my health is okay.
Before we launch into being parents.
Yeah, go see a gynecologist.
At 35, your ovaries could've lost quality.
You too. Both of us should go.
Me, why?
Dudes' sperms works
throughout their entire lives.
Pedro, what about genetics?
Hereditary diseases.
Look, I know I wanna be a mother,
but what if something happens to the baby?
Or what if it turns out like your brother?
No, my brother isn't like that
because of genes.
It's because of the pot.
"One test of genetic compatibility
can avoid the transmission
of more than 600 types of diseases
that currently do not have any cure yet."
"A large part of the population
are carriers of mutations
and are not aware of that."
"If you conceive a baby with someone
who has the same type of mutation,
the disease may come to light
on that child."
Well, in my village, if someone's baby
was defective, we'd wrap it in a blanket
and throw it in the river.
Patri, my God.
Okay, okay, okay. Let's get checked out.
Shall we get checked out today?
If I post a photo, we can go now.
I have to go to work.
I can't now. I'm not an influencer.
- Influ-hater.
- Mm. Oh, yeah. I forgot.
[clears throat] Anyways.
Don't worry, I'll call the
Who does the test?
Your urologist.
Ask for a serology test
and a semen analysis.
I hate tests, God damn it.
Don't complain. I have more than you.
- [cell phone chimes]
- A hormone test, cytology test.
Ultrasound, mammogram.
I guess nature
hasn't realized the patriarchy is over.
Whoa, let's start this on the right foot.
The toughest part is still on the way.
- [door closes]
- I'll see you.
UBIZKUO ARCHITECTURAL STUDIO
[gasps] Hey, where's Paula?
She called out.
Did she say why?
She said she felt bad.
Do you need anything?
Oh, no. No, no, nothing.
Just wanted to check on her.
HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?
ONLINE
[exhales]
She didn't come to work today! [panting]
She's playing the victim
and trying to ruin me.
Oh, maybe she's really sick today.
Yeah, she's sick because of him.
You're such a dumbass.
You screwed it up
with the boss's daughter.
- The dog. It was the stupid dog! Oh, God!
- What dog?
Santi, breathe, brother.
I can't breathe, dude.
I'm scared of Román.
My dream project will go
to shit if he finds out!
Why did you call us? What did you expect?
Well, Álex didn't answer her phone
'cause she's in class.
Tell her you're sorry
and grovel to her. I don't know.
- [cell phone chimes]
- [exhales] Ooh!
A message from Paula. I'm going.
Wait, no. Read aloud.
Wait, no. I don't know how to answer this
without hanging up. See you.
- Uh
- [phone beeps]
[sighs, exhales]
[panting]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey!
[panting]
I forgive you.
It was nothing. I'm an understanding guy.
You got a little overwhelmed. I get it.
You and me, we're still getting to know
each other, and I'm sorry about the dog.
I really am. I'll buy you one.
- Or better, we could adopt a blind one.
- [both chuckle]
Let's tell your dad
everything tonight at dinner.
[sighs]
- Did you delete the video?
- What video?
The one you took
where I said I'd fuck you.
- Oh, the consent video. Well, no.
- Hmm.
But I can delete it
from my phone right now.
You can help me destroy it.
Uh, what, "destroy it"?
"Delete it," maybe I should say? Delete.
- Uh
- What's wrong?
Hmm. No, it's
I left my phone charging at my desk.
- Hmm. I'll be right back.
- Delete that video!
I will. I will. Don't move, okay?
Okay. I'll be right back
so we can finish this.
Uh, bye, bye. Okay, bye. Bye, bye.
Oh, shit!
[grunts] Excuse me.
Uh, have you seen a cell phone?
I swear I left it here.
- No.
- No?
You sure?
Because I know I left it here.
Right here on the sink.
I left it here five minutes ago.
- Maybe you accidentally knocked it off.
- I didn't see anything.
Shit!
Damn.
Listen, it's very important
that I get my cell phone back.
Maybe it's in there?
In your pocket, you know?
If that's the case, I'll give you
100 euros, no questions asked.
No, sir. This is my phone.
Two hundred?
Oh!
[knock on door]
- May I?
- [man 1] Come in, Pedro.
- Please sit down.
- [Pedro] Thank you.
[exhaling]
[man 2] Tell us what happened with Ángela.
Well, uh, I wanted to clear this up
with you as well.
This is all a misunderstanding, I think.
I promise there are
no misunderstandings here.
We take things very seriously.
It's true this is the first time
a woman harassed a man,
but that doesn't make it
any less important.
[clears throat] After getting
some perspective,
I think harassment
might be a little excessive.
"She asked me to go to her house
with the excuse
she didn't have a babysitter."
"When we finished working,
she opened a bottle of wine,
and she forced me to massage her feet."
I think she was exhausted.
Men don't know what
it's like to wear high heels, you know.
"While driving to a meeting in her car,
she put her hand on my thigh."
It it was a spontaneous gesture,
nothing more.
In another paragraph, you say that
she forced you to get naked in her office.
- Wait. I was not forced.
- [man 1] "She spilled coffee on me."
"And she bought me a new shirt."
"Then she invited me
to try it on right there in front of her."
She gave me the option
of getting changed in the bathroom.
It doesn't say that here.
Oh, no?
- [man 2] Pedro.
- [splutters]
Do you feel threatened?
- By Ángela? No, not me.
- [man 2] Hmm.
So then are you trying to say that
this report we were given is false?
No, I wouldn't say it's false.
It's been hard.
[man 2] Do you need psychological support?
No, I mean, uh, man.
Uh, it's been awkward, but
Well, that's everything. Nothing more.
Thank you.
I would like to add that I think
Ángela is very, very professional.
We think so too. That's the problem.
No, no, it wasn't harassment.
I wanted to fuck.
But come on, I think
it's ridiculous that that's a problem.
Adolfo, you married your secretary.
Yes, in different times.
We're not accusing you of anything,
but understand that by law,
there exists a protocol we
You have me working 14-hour days.
So why don't you tell me when I'm supposed
to meet someone outside of work?
The problem is that between you
and Pedro, there is a power dynamic.
Right, sure, I'm the CEO.
There's no one above me.
Who do I go for? For you two?
Ángela, you're making this difficult.
No. Don't worry.
I'll make it easy for you.
[Daniela] Hey, babe!
[shouts] Did you do the tests?
When do you get the results?
Ah! I'm so nervous.
It's just while the nurse
was crushing my tits with that machine,
I couldn't stop thinking to myself,
"Oh my God! Oh my God, this is serious."
"We're going to have a kid soon."
What happened?
I'm now the CEO.
What?
[shouts] Mmm-mmm-mmm! Mwah!
But, dude, aren't you happy about this?
You should cheer up.
Yes, it's just I wasn't expecting it.
Patri, champagne! Pedro got promoted.
[Patricia] That's awesome!
And what happened to your annoying boss?
Did they fire her or?
No, I think she quit.
- [Daniela] Why?
- Probably got a better offer.
- Oh. My new CEO.
- [laughs] Mmm!
Finally, both of us are doing well.
I'm so happy for you. May God bless you.
No, Patri, why don't you bring
a glass over for you as well?
And one for Stefan.
Stefan, come toast with us! Come!
- [chuckles]
- Are we gonna toast with them too?
Honey, if you're gonna be a CEO,
learn to be more inclusive.
Hmm. Say no more.
[both laugh]
Okay, so there could be a video
going 'round the office
of your boss's daughter naked,
begging you to fuck her
every which way? [laughing]
She might think
you leaked it out of spite.
Serve!
People kill themselves
over stuff like this.
You ordinary citizens
don't know the figures.
Hacking a cell phone is hard, right?
Don't they have a lot of security?
- And do you have a biometric key?
- Just play!
- [Santi] What's that?
- You unlock it with your face.
Oh, yeah, I do.
[Pedro] Shut up and focus!
All right, 6-3. Let's break that tie.
No, I'm going to a wine tasting.
- What about our isotonic beer?
- He's meeting up with his gay buddies.
Again?
Do you have more fun
with them than you do with us?
It's different.
- What the
- That's a yes.
Know what Diego did when I moved in?
Threw me a welcome party. What did you do?
Nothing. I have to throw you
a party when you move in uninvited?
- But
- [scoffs] Screw him.
Now it's just us three.
- We're losing Raúl.
- Don't you dare say that.
So, what are you going to do?
Just date them both?
- [laughs]
- No! What?
If things are good with the father
and with the kid as well,
don't get introduced to the family.
You'd cause a scene at Christmas.
It's the screw-up of the century.
I don't know who I am.
I'm being unfaithful, but to myself.
Girl, you're intense.
Come on. Two shots, please.
No, I don't want any shots.
I just wanna figure out what's going on.
- Girl, decide. The silver fox or his kid?
- [gasps]
- [horn honks]
- Look, I parked.
Yes, Álex, but it took you ten maneuvers.
Pull out and do it again.
- Once more?
- [Esther] Don't beep the horn.
You're right here.
Aren't you supposed
to be in the car with her?
No, no, she needs
to get used to being alone.
- [cell phone chimes]
- [slurping]
All right.
[Luis] Hey, honey.
I'm going out for a few drinks tonight.
Can you look after the kids?
Because my mom says she still won't do it.
Kisses.
All right. I know he scored someone.
Well, that's the point
of keeping your relationship open.
You meet new people.
Okay, dear. It's just
Who are you going with, hon?
- You're jealous. [laughing]
- No.
Yes.
Every time he tells me he's going out,
I feel this anxiety in my stomach.
- Think it's celiac?
- [cell phone chimes]
[Luis] Esther, if I tell you
who I'm going out with every time,
when it's a date,
what do I do? Lie to you?
What do I say now?
- Nothing. I think he's got you.
- Why did I ever agree to this?
It was much better just cheating.
Hiding it while there's mystery
and guilt, but it's easier.
You had a terrible time
with the trainer though.
- Yes, but I lost weight.
- [horn honks]
- Ooh!
- Álex, please!
You shouldn't pull out so far.
Straighten up.
- [Álex] Sorry, my bad.
- Esther, you made a deal.
And if you can get it to click,
I promise you, you're going to enjoy it.
I'm going to drain him before he goes out.
That's really disgusting.
But you understood.
[sighs]
Oh! Wh
Hello, Luis.
Oh, you scared me. What are?
- I'm turned on.
- Oh.
But wh what are you doing? The kids,
they haven't brushed their teeth yet.
[Esther] Oh, shut up and enjoy it.
This doesn't happen every day.
- [mutters]
- [Esther] God! Make the water colder.
It's burning hot.
- [yelps] How can you shower like this?
- Well, I just
Well, I guess I just like it
ooh nice and hot.
[clears throat] Another round?
- I don't know. I'm feeling bad.
- [Pedro scoffs, sighs]
It's 'cause we miss Raúl, hmm?
He's such a massive asshole,
but without him, it's so empty.
We're just used to it.
We don't need him anymore.
What about our matches?
[sighs]
Well, maybe we could meet up
with him and his new friends, hmm?
You think he'd be okay to mix the groups?
Define "mixing."
Let's see.
"Wine tasting, Madrid today." Hmm.
[woman] For wines in reserves,
tertiary aromas emerge.
That's what's known as the bouquet.
In this wine,
for example, what do you smell?
Immerse yourself.
- [Diego] I detect a hint of leather.
- [woman] Okay.
- Has a hint of smoke. Like tobacco.
- [woman] Hmm.
- And a hint of chocolate possibly?
- [woman] Maybe.
[gulps] That's good.
[chuckles] He's hetero.
- [chuckles]
- Who cares about that?
Hey, guys, the whole sexual orientations
is a total lie.
That's why it's called a spectrum.
Ronaldo is straight. Get over it.
I don't think so, girl.
Well, I am straight. Women turn me on.
That's all I'm sure of in life.
- Have you never jerked someone off?
- Why would I?
[Diego] Bud sex. Know what I mean?
You straight guys do it in jail
when you don't have any women.
That's a myth.
Like getting a cold from a cold day.
Sex between straight men
is super in fashion.
Well, fraternities like that
are all the rage now.
[Raúl] What?
Straight men going
to masturbate together at clubs.
Well, hetero heteroflexible.
Enough with the labels, okay?
I thought you took some course, honey.
[Diego] Raúl,
you won't be fully deconstructed
until you get over your fear
of kissing a dick. Hmm?
Look, now I do detect a hint of chocolate.
[Santi] Raúl, buddy!
- [Luis] Raúl, dude!
- [Santi] Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- [chuckling]
Why are you here?
We thought we could hang out
with your new friends.
So you can see
what great friends we are too.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Diego!
- Hey!
- [Luis] Hey, what's up, buddy?
[Raúl] No, no. This is a private event.
[Pedro] Where's it say that?
This place doesn't suit you. Come on.
But it suits you?
You have to have an open mind.
These people say weird stuff.
That's awesome.
We can learn something new tonight.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.
- Hey, dude!
[Pedro grunts, groans]
- [exhales]
- Our group is falling apart.
[Pedro sighs]
So, now what? What can I say?
You don't look surprised.
Well, the empty suitcase
and the bags from Ikea.
[scoffs] Those did warn me a bit.
You're a wonderful man,
Héctor, and deserve
No, stop that.
I can't stand these moments
of compassion that just feel fake.
I know you wanna grab
all your bags and get outta here.
If I didn't have to get up early tomorrow,
I'd stay longer.
[Héctor exhales]
We did have some good times. Hmm.
You made my divorce so much more bearable.
[Luz inhales]
[Héctor] There's someone else, right?
[hesitates] Yeah.
Much younger?
I swear that I have tried
to adapt to monogamy, but it's
- [both chuckle]
- [Luz] It's just not me.
[exhales]
[indistinct chatter]
Afternoon.
[sighs]
[exhales] Oh, God.
Peter! Oh my God!
Hey, my dude. You're the fucking man.
You had it all worked out.
It never crossed my mind to say
that I was harassed by a woman.
We have to celebrate
and talk about my raise.
Roberto, uh
We can go to one of those
Chinese hair salons with a surprise.
What kind of surprise?
Well, you go and they cut your hair
and do a great job.
And when they're done, the hairdresser
asks you, "Want a massage?"
They take you to the back,
give you a blow job or hand job.
Oh my God.
You talk to the mama-san,
and she helps you.
No, Asian women are very attentive.
It's a really different culture there.
Sorry, I have to go meet
with the scriptwriters. Hmm?
Okay, okay. Hey,
if they harass you, give me a call.
[laughs, clears throat]
- It's so terrible.
- And he got away with it?
[Pedro] Good morning. As you know,
there has been a restructuring
in the company.
And as new CEO, I thought Ali
should be the new director of fiction.
- I don't want to.
- [Pedro] Okay, well, Olga.
- Bea?
- Well, yeah!
[laughing]
Oh, shit, no.
[Olga] It's awful you messed
with someone's career like that.
So we're the harassers now?
Well, yes. You three were here.
You saw, and you didn't support me.
Where is your sisterhood?
Sisterhood only applies between women.
Yeah. Your vocabulary is exclusionist.
Pedro, Carla Andrade is here.
Yeah, show her to my office. Thank you.
Oh, the director's a woman? To save money.
Don't be so closed-minded, okay?
You know, this can't continue.
I think I'm just
We have a series to make, and it can be
either a wonderful journey or a nightmare.
This time, it's your choice.
- Was he more arrogant? Mm.
- A little.
[gasps] Carla. Pedro Aguilar.
- Oh, hey!
- Did you read the script?
Do you love our project?
Ángela's not here?
Ángela decided to take
her career in a new direction.
- [clears throat] She's somewhere else now.
- Ah, wow.
Well, you see it's just I had some
notes that I wanted to share with her.
Tell me, tell me.
Anything to improve the story.
I think the character
of Pablo is too much of a prick.
I don't like him.
[Pedro exhales]
[exhales] Uh, hey, Mónica.
She's not in again?
Paula? She didn't answer
when I called her.
Oh.
- You should try sending her a message.
- I think you should.
What? No, no, no, uh,
I don't know her well enough.
You don't know her,
but you're asking lots of questions.
I'm a hypochondriac, you know?
- If she has a virus, she should tell us.
- [Román] Santiago!
Uh, Román. Yes, sir, yes.
See me in my office.
He seems tense, huh?
[gasps]
Román, what's up? All good?
[grunts]
Um
I wanted to ask you
about your relationship with Paula.
Paula? Which Paula?
My daughter.
Ah, Paula Paula.
Oh, my colleague here. Yes, what's up?
You guys like to chat.
Has she said anything?
Like, what would she say?
She doesn't seem well.
She have a problem I should know about?
Well, uh, she doesn't tell me much.
I mean, what we talk about,
it's all trivial.
We send each other memes.
She really hasn't opened up.
You know? Uh, I mean,
emotionally, you know?
She's been through a lot, poor thing.
I just hope
she's not involved in anything toxic.
What do you mean, "toxic"?
She was with this asshole
that triggered her eating disorder.
And she got hooked on tranquilizers.
Professionally, she's a pro,
but with her emotions,
she falls to pieces over these assholes.
Oh, wow, well, I didn't know
that her personality was so unstable.
That's right. She's unstable.
Excuse me, Román.
Santi, they're looking for you at HR.
- [Santi] Me?
- Mm-hmm.
- [Santi] Oh, okay.
- [Román] Not a word about this, hmm?
I told you in confidence.
Please, I'm offended.
Eh, no, I mean, you didn't offend me.
It's just I'm saying things
that are stupid.
I don't know what I said, actually.
Oh, it's because of my grandma.
My grandma Conchita did. She was so sweet.
She used to make me
amazing French toast. Delicious!
- Hey, did you find my cell phone?
- [woman] No.
Sit down, please.
Oh, uh, um
[clears throat] Yes.
What happened yesterday
in the bathroom with Isabel?
- Which Isabel?
- The cleaning woman.
Ah, nothing. It was nothing.
What did she say?
Well, she has made a complaint.
She said you're accusing her of stealing.
Oh, okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
No, I did not say that.
Is she lying then?
[laughs] No. No, honestly.
No, let me tell you.
Okay, when I explain this,
you're gonna say, "What a mess
this guy has gotten into." [chuckles]
Listen, no. I left my cell phone
in the bathroom, okay?
I went back,
I don't know, five minutes later.
But it wasn't there.
And she was cleaning in there.
And then, well, I offered her 100 euros
as a reward
if she found it, but that's it.
Mm-hmm. Okay? So, I'll apologize.
- Fine. But do it by email.
- Mm-hmm.
EthicalChannel@ubizkuo.net.
- Right, so more official. Got it.
- Yes.
One more thing.
If my cell phone ends up turning up,
let me know because my daughter,
she gave it to me for Father's Day.
Mm-hmm. Okay, okay, well
I'm not worried, okay?
My password is very complicated.
Face ID, and it's impossible to decipher.
But, well, just in case. Mm-hmm.
Um, thank you. What's your name?
Mari Carmen.
Oh, yeah. I won't forget it.
Like karma. Hmm.
DRIVER'S LICENSE TEST CENTER
- [Esther] Honey, aren't you nervous?
- [Álex] Nope.
- There's no way you're not nervous.
- I'm not.
[cell phone rings]
Luis, didn't I tell you I have exams?
Hey, honey, really quick.
I'm going out tonight again.
- What, again?
- That's why I said "again."
This is getting out of control.
Where are you going?
What about you? You go out
smoking joints with your classmates.
You puked all over my patrol car.
That was already there.
- Okay, see you later.
- [inhales] You owe me two nights, okay?
Problems with your marriage?
Quiet, girl. Get in the car.
How's it going?
[exhales]
- [engine turns over]
- [man] Leave the test center.
And turn out onto the main road, please.
- To your left.
- Stop. Stop the car, and turn it off now.
Um, what happened?
The sign said no entry.
Plus, your instructor
was giving you signals.
- No!
- [Álex gasps]
You broke up with my father.
He's so broken.
I feel sorry for him, but hey.
He should go out with someone his own age.
Uh, just sit.
You're fucking kidding.
Are you dumping me too?
I wanna be mature.
In fact, I wanna thank you.
I almost made a huge mistake.
What mistake?
Becoming a mother.
I don't want a son like you.
That's a weight off my shoulders.
Seriously? You don't want either of us?
Luz.
Luz, you wrecked my family!
Hey.
When can you do the surgery?
- So you've made a decision, Luz?
- Oh, yes.
- Thank you, Doctor.
- Take care.
Here you go.
Nothing else? Thank you.
[grunts]
- [Raúl] What's up, Peter?
- Raúl, I just ran into Luz.
She came out of the gynecologist's
with a bunch of leaflets.
- Is she pregnant?
- Either that, or she's trying to be.
They specialize
in artificial insemination here.
She's getting inseminated, dude.
You're kidding.
With the old guy? Is he there?
Raúl, it's a urologist office too.
There's tons of old guys.
Why are you seeing the urologist?
Did your ball get swollen?
- Pedro Aguilar?
- Yes, I'm up now.
You're kidding. Don't leave me hanging.
You gotta follow her.
[huffs]
Okay, Pedro, well,
we have the results here.
The serology went well.
- You have no infections.
- [laughs] Well.
But you only have
one million sperm per milliliter.
[exhales] But that's a lot, right?
No, that's very small.
You should have over 15 million.
What's more, the morphology is defective,
and the mobility is reduced.
I don't wanna lie to you.
With these results,
I think a natural pregnancy
is practically impossible.
Well, look, uh, lately I've been
under, you know, a lot of stress.
[doctor] Hmm.
I understand that can really
affect your sperm production.
Actually, no.
And can't you just prescribe,
I don't know, some vitamins or collagen?
First, we'll do a REM semen analysis,
where we treat the sperm to find out
exactly how many of your sperm are mobile
at the moment.
From there, we have to decide
which assisted reproduction technique
is the best for your circumstances.
[panting] Reproduction technique?
You should come back with your girlfriend
and one of our specialists
will explain the process to you.
- We have very flexible financial packages.
- [gasps, gulps]
[sighs]
- I'm super healthy, babe!
- [chuckles]
I have the follicle count of a 20-year-old
and an AMH level of 2.0.
Wow, awesome! Whoa!
- What did they tell you?
- Well, it's all perfect.
Off the charts. I have millions
of sperm, an outrageous amount.
I was so happy with the reports,
I forgot them on his desk.
- Look them up on the app. Let's check.
- No, later.
Um, dinner?
I'm meeting up with the guys soon.
Did you actually go?
Yes, yes. Look. The appointment.
- Okay, okay. Oh! Amazing!
- [laughing]
We're like two young kids.
I never doubted us.
Let's celebrate now.
Right now. I'll get the wine.
Pedro
Sex.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Mm!
[both moaning]
[Luis grunts]
- Ah! What [panting]
- Mm!
Esther, you'll give me a heart attack.
- I wanna do it again.
- Again?
- You want it, right?
- Yeah, of course.
[Esther moaning]
Is the cap really necessary?
- [Esther] I don't wanna get my hair wet.
- Hmm.
[grunts]
You're joking. A million sperm,
but not a single good one?
They just want your money.
"The quality of semen
in the West has reduced by 50%
over the last 40 years."
- Dude!
- [Raúl] What has it coincided with?
The rise of feminism.
Uh, that's the 5G.
"The Covid vaccine, gluten, pesticides,
and also wearing skinny jeans."
Do you really wanna be
a father at your age?
Why not? I'm healthier
than you ten years ago.
- Turn right.
- [Luis] Hmm.
- Where are we going?
- Luis, turn right.
- Don't tell me at the last moment, bro.
- Fuck! Look, now it's rerouting.
So hey, did you tell Daniela?
No way. I'm gonna get something herbal
or, I don't know,
a Chinese root to fix it.
Oh, and coffee. Don't drink coffee.
Oh, well, and alcohol, duh.
Where the hell is this guy taking us?
[Santi] Where the hell are we? A brothel?
It's like a fraternity.
Is it a sect?
Come on. You'll see.
Let's get a drink.
Why don't we just go to a regular bar
with a pool table and draft beer?
- Come on. Let's not ruin his plan.
- [Santi sighs]
Let's pregame.
[Santi] Fuck me.
[whistles]
- Oh, shit! What the fuck!
- Fucking hell!
All those guys were sitting
around jerking each other off.
They're all naked!
It was just a casual hobby.
I tripped over something on the way out.
What is this?
A fraternity. "Jerk off with friends."
Jerk off with friends?
What? Are you going crazy?
So you've never jerked off a buddy?
Have you done that?
No, I haven't, but apparently it's normal.
I don't understand what's going on here.
Good evening.
What? You want me to jerk that guy off?
Or he could jerk you off.
- [Luis groans]
- Raúl, you know we're not gay.
Yeah, but this is for heteros.
It says so on the website.
- Oh, sure. It says so on the website.
- Oh, and they also have some rules.
Number one. You can't suck anything
below the waist.
Come on, I don't
- Second, nothing goes inside anybody.
- [Luis] Huh?
Third, you may only touch someone
with their consent.
What is this?
Are these the Fight Club rules?
If you don't want people
to touch you, wear a red wristband.
At what point
after hearing about this place,
you felt it was a good idea?
Let's get out of here
before someone steals our wallets.
You guys aren't as deconstructed
as you think you are.
Oh! That's so gross, dude.
[Luis] Seat belts!
Mom, shouldn't you be asleep?
You should.
You should go back to bed.
You need eight hours sleep.
That's for children.
Adults don't need that much.
Come on, I'll tuck you in.
So, don't complain
when you have raccoon eyes, okay?
Hey, Luis, it's almost two in the morning.
I don't know where [gasps]
- What's up?
- You scared me, God.
[chuckles] Now you know. How are the kids?
In bed. They're unbearable.
[sighs] Perfect.
That's where I'm headed. I'm wiped.
- [exhales]
- Hey, how was your night?
Uh, good. Different.
- How so?
- Esther.
Okay, okay.
[exhales]
[sniffing]
[clattering]
[crinkling]
JERK OFF WITH FRIENDS
[classical music playing]