Big Nate (2022) s02e07 Episode Script
Valentine's Day of Horror: Chapter II
Nate Wright, why are
you tardy to the class?
Come on, son.
It's a Monday.
Set the tone for the week.
Sorry, big guy.
I was working on a
particularly awesome comic,
starring Claude,
the Stupid Ideas Fairy.
Oh, yeah, he's going to
help me land Jenny as a date
to the dance on Friday.
[upbeat music]
Here you go, Nate.
You can sweep Jenny
off her feet with this.
[screaming and grunting]
[laughs]
Sorry.
I don't call him the
Stupid Ideas Fairy for nothing.
Actually,
I'm glad you brought up
Valentine's Day, my boy.
As most of you know,
this holiday is notoriously
cursed at PS 38.
February 14ths of yesteryear
have been riddled with mishaps,
mayhem, broken hearts,
shattered dreams, pandemonium!
Valentine's Day threatens
to destroy us all!
[panting]
But this year will be
all profit and no chaos.
Yes, yes, it will
because your "princi-pal"
is going to
earn our school some,
oh, so sweet
Valentine's Day cash.
Everyone in this school will
take a love connection quiz
provided by Rackleff's
very own EEW Corp.
In exchange for your
love connection data,
EEW will care you with your
perfect match for the dance
and give the school
a giant check!
[giggles, smooches]
[students groan]
This is amazing!
Finally a chance to go
on a real date with Jenny.
[laughing]
Whoa.
She'll get matched with moi,
and her precious Artur
will be stuck with all
the losers at the punch bowl.
How are you so sure
you'll get Jenny?
Tangy Tango!
[thumping techno music]
We have the same gum.
- So?
- So it's a sign.
I mean, we're clearly
the same person in two bodies.
Of course we're
going to be matched.
Dream on, dude.
You and Jenny have nothing
in common.
She's a rom-com,
and you're
an '80s disaster movie
that no one wants to watch.
You clowns just don't
understand our connection.
Believe me, our answers
will match perfectly.
[chomping]
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[tense music]
[computer beeping ominously]
[mouse clicks]
[suspenseful music]
All right, youngsters.
Your computer-generated
dance partners will
be posted tomorrow morning.
Imagine all that priceless
love data stored on one
tiny, little flash drive.
Now I've just got to keep
this little baby safe
until the dance and that
giant check is mine--
I mean ours.
[laughing nervously]
I didn't say nothing.
Don't look at me!
- [sighs]
- Hey, Nate.
[clears throat] Nate.
[snapping] Wake up, Romeo.
You got that dopey
daydreaming-about-Jenny
look on your face again.
Well, why shouldn't
I dream about Jenny?
After all, we're going
to the dance together.
And how is that exactly?
The quiz results aren't
being posted until tomorrow.
Nate is under the
impression that he and Jenny
have so much in common.
[all laughing]
What could you two
possibly have in common?
Well, I will have
you know that we
both love Tangy Tango gum.
So--
Here, Artur, take this.
I hate Tangy Tango.
Oh, thank you, my love.
The flavor reminds me of
stale gravy and compost apples.
[chewing] Mm, mmm.
Ah, Jenny, I love sound
of disgust in your voice.
What else are you hate?
Well, let's see.
- I think skateboarding is gross.
- [grunts]
- Rock and roll is lame.
- [sobs quietly]
And comics are so boring.
- [loud crash]
- [yells] Whoa.
[heart monitor beeping]
[laughing] When you're wrong,
you are so, so wrong.
But when you're right--
no, no, that never happens.
Tough break.
She literally hates
everything you stand for.
Yeah, I guess you'll just
have to go to the dance
with whoever EEW
matches you to.
Hope it's human.
Hi, I'm Grogg!
Be my Valentine, Nate Wright!
[screaming]
What am I going to do?
I got nothing.
How about you?
[gasps]
It's getting hard to breathe
down there
with all these
terrible ideas.
- [door opens]
- What's going on up here?
We can hear you pacing
from the living room, dear.
And, well it's weird.
Thought maybe some
critters had gotten in.
You know I like me
some squirrel meat.
Ah, yeah, at school,
we took these
stupid computerized
love connection quizzes
to pair us with our most
compatible dance partners.
I obviously want
to go with Jenny.
But I'm a little
worried we won't match.
Ha, my boy, I think
it's time we shared
a family secret with you.
Your grandfather and I
dabbled in computer hacking
in the '80s.
[laughing] Dabbled? Ha!
Who are we kidding?
We were wanted in 12 states
[Marge shouting]
And parts of Canada.
Now,
not suggesting you should
break into your school's
computer.
Oh, oh, do that!
- Hey!
- Why not? That's a great idea!
No, wait, hang on.
The test results
are in a flash drive
that Principal Nichols is
wearing around his neck.
He won't let it
out of his sight.
Oh, son, have a little faith
in your grandparents.
[snoring]
[distant owl hooting]
[suspenseful music]
Money, money, money,
money, money.
- [head hits frame]
- Oh!
[loud crash]
[muttering]
Get out of my pudding.
♪
We're in luck.
He's a heavy sleeper.
That's it!
♪
[snorts]
Ah!
[sighs]
[muttering sleepily]
♪
[straining]
OK, this might be a little
harder than we first thought.
[upbeat suspenseful music]
[grunting]
[laughs]
[air squeaks out]
[yells]
[straining]
[yelps]
[snoring]
[yells]
[loud crash]
[groans]
I have one last idea.
But I warn you,
it's pretty stupid.
Stupid, huh?
Sounds good to me.
Wesley, here's
a giant check for you.
Just open your
hand and grab it.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
Yes! I got it.
[gasps]
♪
[dinging]
[buzzing]
♪
[water splashes]
Did I--oh, no!
♪
[startup chime]
[chuckles, cracks knuckles]
[computer beeping]
[thumping electronic music]
[monkey hooting]
[computer buzzes]
[monkey screams]
[computer beeps]
♪
[all cheering]
♪
- [laughing]
- We did it, we did it!
Goodbye, Kim.
And hello, Jenny.
[thumping]
[laughter]
[computer beeps]
[suspenseful music]
[school bell rings]
Oh, this is more
nerve wracking
than casting callbacks.
- [loud impact]
- Whoa!
All right, babe,
we got matched.
Yeah!
[bell rings]
[laughter]
Francis?
Hmm, I'll take it.
We must have similar
flavor profiles.
Huh?
The--the mop?
[water sloshing]
[romantic music]
[smooch sound]
The mop.
Uh, move aside, children.
Daddy's got some business
to check on.
Jen--uh, Kim?
[locker slams shut]
[blows kiss]
Cut it out. Stop it!
[laughter]
[downbeat music]
[groans]
[head hits locker]
Hey, Nate, who'd you get?
Not Jenny, obviously.
[laughter]
[Nate sobbing]
Well, are you surprised?
It's pretty clear you and
Jenny have nothing in common.
Just go with Kim.
She's cool.
In a terrifying,
bone-crushing way.
[snorts]
[groans]
Why did I trust Gram
and Gramps again?
Nate, what did you do?
All right, fine.
Me and my grandparents
stole Nichols' thumb drive
and hacked the quiz results
and made the computer
match me with Jenny.
[chuckles]
But something
must've glitched after that.
I need to get that
thumb drive back.
You hacked the quiz?
That is seriously messed up, bro.
That's over the top,
Nate, even for you.
At least our matches
came out OK.
But how do we know he didn't
mess them up for anyone else?
I really like your hair.
Yeah, maybe we should
check on the results.
- [water splashing]
- [slurping]
There he is now.
[buzzing]
Nichols clearly doesn't
have the drive on him anymore.
Yeah, that makes no sense.
Yesterday he was literally
wearing it in his sleep.
- Follow my lead, Francis.
- [yelps]
Who loves big checks?
I love big ch--
well, hello there, Francis.
Um, hi, Principal Nichols.
I was just wondering, uh,
what happened to your flash
drive?
[chuckles] Wearable
memory sticks are so cool.
Yeah,
Francis was thinking of
getting a flash drive necklace
for himself
so he could be more like you,
his "princi-pal."
Oh, well, I stopped
wearing the flash drive
around my neck.
The pressure points
were causing me to wet my--uh,
causing me anxiety.
- [nervous laughter]
- Hmm.
[laughs uncomfortably]
It's locked up tight
in a steel safe in my office.
[both laugh uncomfortably.
[electronic beeping]
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
No doubt he's got
his office locked down tight.
We're going to have to
ram through that door
with brute force.
Here we go.
[strains]
[door squeaks open]
Oh, I knew that was open.
This is going to be easy.
Ah! Shiny thing.
Ah!
[yelps]
Booby traps!
[tense music]
[kids screaming]
[kids sigh]
Okay, that's two traps.
There must be a third.
Traps always come in threes.
[suspenseful music]
[loud click]
Uh, you guys.
Okay, just stay still.
We'll get you out.
No, no. We don't know
what this trap will do.
Get inside the safe first.
We'll make a run for it
after you find the thumb drive.
♪
How the heck are we supposed
to break into a steel safe?
[metallic thumping]
Gang, we're going to have
to get real stupid up in here.
[energetic music]
both: Stupid!
[clattering and grinding]
- [explosion]
- [moaning]
♪
Hadouken!
Shoryuken!
[screaming]
♪
[roaring]
[whimpering]
[moans]
Hmm.
[lock clicking]
Yeah, it was the
manufacturer's code.
Nichols never changed it.
Why didn't you
try that first?
And miss you guys
blowing stuff up?
No way.
[all cheering]
Okay, now, um,
get me out of here.
[grunts]
I'll push forward, and you
roll backwards on three.
One, two, three.
[metallic clank]
[squirrel chatters]
[suspenseful music]
♪
Okay, you did the thing.
Let's go.
Hey, Chad still has the mop.
Oh, you know, that's okay.
You could just leave that one.
We've really hit it off.
[romantic music]
[music stops]
[wet smooching]
Okay.
Okay, now, let's see.
Who should we put Artur with?
Uh--[clicks tongue]
Ooh, ooh!
The Azdaya!
[laughing evilly]
[soft pleasant music]
[laughing] Oh!
Oh, my love!
You are looking more beautiful
than Stylgravian goat
frolicking through pasture!
Uh?
[roaring and screaming]
[Azdaya gulps and burps]
[Azdaya roars]
Perfect.
[laughs evilly]
Wait.
That's pretty mean, Nate.
You're already
taking his girlfriend.
Stop, give it back.
[grunting and straining]
[tense music]
Uh-oh.
We better get out of here.
♪
[electrical zapping]
♪
[bird squawks]
Huh?
[screams]
[soft upbeat music]
[both laugh]
[knock at door]
Mr. Galvin?
Ah, good evening, Mrs. Pope.
I know it's late,
but mere moments ago,
I received an email
informing me that you--ahem--
are my soul mate.
- Huh?
- Huh?
[marker squeaking]
[computer alert beeping]
[computer chiming]
No match.
No match. No match.
- [dog panting]
- Vern, I've got some news.
[dog barking]
[roosters crowing]
[peaceful music]
♪
- [alarm rings]
- [yawns]
Today's the day.
[chuckles]
Who needs compatibility when
you got mad hacking skills?
[Blind Melon's "No Rain"]
[soft upbeat music]
♪
[person screaming]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[people yelling]
♪
All I can say is that
my life is pretty plain ♪
I like watching
the puddles gather rain ♪
[electronic beeping]
I'll always be there
when you wake ♪
[whistling]
You guys!
What have we done?
Huh?
The whole town is falling
apart and it's our fault.
Even my parents are fighting.
Sweetheart, what does
he have that I don't have?
You don't by any chance
have radish juice, do you?
New environments
always get my bowels compacted.
My parents are counseling
the couples of Rackleff 24/7
for the next five years,
with no break!
I'll never see them again.
And my parents said that
the math of the relationship
is not adding up anymore!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- It's not working!
Do you have nothing
to say about this, Nate?
Um
Oh, Jenny, hey!
Hey, hey,
did you see the board?
Yeah, it looks like
you and I are going
to the dance together.
- [chuckles]
- Oh, okay.
You haven't seen Artur,
have you?
He missed our morning cuddle.
Curse you, Azdaya,
creature of Stylgravia
who eat joy!
[Artur screams]
Oh, Artur will never love you,
no matter what love quiz say!
[roaring and screaming]
Uh, nope.
No, I haven't seen him.
I'm sure he's fine though.
Anyway, pick you up at 8:00?
I guess.
Better than going alone.
- Oh, Artur.
- [chuckles]
You see that?
That's called closing
the deal-io, my friends.
[chuckles]
Did you notice
how excited Jenny was?
Nate, are you insane?
You took this way too far.
Rackleff is in shambles.
[crowd yelling]
And Jenny's clearly miserable
without Artur.
[Jenny sobbing]
Hmm, yeah, no,
I'm not seeing that.
[tense music]
[whistling]
[gasps]
Sweet and sour cornichons!
Oh, no, oh, no,
oh, no, oh, no!
It's gone!
No flash drive means no data,
which means no giant check!
[feedback screeches]
Attention, children.
The PS 38
Valentine's Day dance
is canceled
until further notice.
[all grumble]
[laughs nervously]
A very important flash drive
was stolen from my office.
[all grumble]
And the dance will not go on
until whoever stole it
returns it.
[all grumbling angrily]
Who would do something
like that?
Well, now, hey,
I'm sure whoever did it,
obviously not me,
did it for some very romantic,
totally forgivable reason that
I'm sure he can easily fix.
Whatever.
Nate, you need to come clean.
My family is on the line.
- And mine.
- And mine.
Come on, Nate.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Maybe I did let things
get a little out of control.
But it was for love,
and how could that be wrong?
[laughing]
Guys, we are in love.
We're going to get married.
[romantic music]
Okay, yeah,
it was totally wrong.
So what are you
gonna do about it?
Oh, easy.
The same thing I always do:
talk my way out of it.
And if it doesn't work,
blame Francis.
[sighs]
Romantic troubles
got you down?
Be at PS 38 at 7:30
with the rest of the town!
- [roars]
- [screams]
[bicycle bell rings]
- Whoa! [grunts]
- Oh, hello, honey.
Aren't you supposed to be at
that dance soon with that girl?
- [straining]
- What's her name? Fleur?
Jenny.
And, well, look, I'm not sure
if you guys noticed,
but I basically
burned down the entire town
trying to get that date.
Way to go, honey.
We're so proud of you.
Hey, uh, have you guys
seen that flash drive
I left around here somewhere?
That's funny.
It was here a second ago.
[stomach rumbling]
[gasps]
Woo-hoo!
[dramatic music]
[crowd yelling]
Get the love usurper!
[shudders]
Okay, grand speech time.
Any ideas how I should play it?
Uh, talk fast
before they get stabby?
Don't get stabbed.
Got it.
[takes deep breath]
[clears throat]
Uh, hello. Hi, everyone.
You're probably wondering how
all your lives got messed up.
[laughs] And, uh, well,
um, it was kind of, um, me.
- Sorcery!
- Burn the witch!
♪
So I--er, well,
I stole Principal Nichols'
flash drive
and hacked the love connection quiz.
You did what?
But, but, but people
shouldn't be together
because of a quiz or,
you know, in my case,
because of cheating.
You should be with somebody
you have things in common with
and somebody who likes you
just the way you are.
And that's why, Jenny
you should go to the dance
with A-A-Artur.
Okay,
but Artur is still missing.
Yah!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
[groans]
From far away,
I tame the Azdaya
and make it bring me back
to you!
- Like Stylgravian whooping rash!
- Oh, Artur!
[smooching]
[groans] Okay, okay.
As I was saying,
and will probably regret
for the rest
of my natural life,
these two crazy kids
belong together.
And that goes for all of you.
Ignore whatever
that stupid quiz says.
You should be with
who you belong with,
not who you're told to be with.
Yeah, he's right!
[all cheering]
[upbeat music]
Oof!
So about that flash drive?
[chuckles nervously]
Huh?
Hmm.
Oh, uh, here you go.
[chuckles uncomfortably]
- [laughs]
- Um, hey, one last favor.
Not for me, but for
the rest of the school.
Can the Valentine's dance
be back on?
Yes, it can, Nate.
And you know what?
- You're gonna to be there.
- [laughs] I am?
Why, yes indeed-y,
because I've just established
a post-dance clean-up
committee.
And you are it.
Yep, I guess that's fair.
And you've got
detention every day
for the next two months.
Okay, harsh but deserved.
And until further notice,
you are Mrs. Godfrey's
new classroom helper.
You, sir, are a monster.
The dance is back on, folks!
Oh, and PS 38 cannot
be held liable
for any damages to the town.
Happy Valentine's Day now!
[electricity crackling]
Easy, men,
there's enough for everyone.
Sorry it didn't
work out with Jenny.
Yeah, it's okay.
My day will come.
Maybe it's already here.
Whoa, who's that?
She's the new girl.
Her name's Ruby.
I hear she's super nice.
And she's a huge
comic book fan.
[Nate laughs nervously]
Nice to finally
be regular again.
[grunts]
Oh, FYI, Wesley,
there's a limo waiting
for you in the parking lot.
Woo-hoo, pay day!
[laughs]
Our love isn't wrong.
It's society that's wrong.
I want you to know
I will never forget you.
I love you.
[sobbing]
[loud grinding]
[crying]
[suspenseful music]
- Do you have the data?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I do.
It's all right here,
safe and sound.
Your giant check,
as promised.
[laughs]
Ooh, oh, let me look at you!
[laughs]
My giant check for--
[dramatic notes]
$20?
[tires squealing]
♪
The personal information
of all the children
is now property of EEW Corp.
[computer chiming]
♪
Ah.
♪
[snarling]
Nate Wright is proving
to be a problem.
A big problem.
[romantic music]
♪
There Is a
different dream girl ♪
I just know your head
smells like fresh salad ♪
With Italian dressing ♪
you tardy to the class?
Come on, son.
It's a Monday.
Set the tone for the week.
Sorry, big guy.
I was working on a
particularly awesome comic,
starring Claude,
the Stupid Ideas Fairy.
Oh, yeah, he's going to
help me land Jenny as a date
to the dance on Friday.
[upbeat music]
Here you go, Nate.
You can sweep Jenny
off her feet with this.
[screaming and grunting]
[laughs]
Sorry.
I don't call him the
Stupid Ideas Fairy for nothing.
Actually,
I'm glad you brought up
Valentine's Day, my boy.
As most of you know,
this holiday is notoriously
cursed at PS 38.
February 14ths of yesteryear
have been riddled with mishaps,
mayhem, broken hearts,
shattered dreams, pandemonium!
Valentine's Day threatens
to destroy us all!
[panting]
But this year will be
all profit and no chaos.
Yes, yes, it will
because your "princi-pal"
is going to
earn our school some,
oh, so sweet
Valentine's Day cash.
Everyone in this school will
take a love connection quiz
provided by Rackleff's
very own EEW Corp.
In exchange for your
love connection data,
EEW will care you with your
perfect match for the dance
and give the school
a giant check!
[giggles, smooches]
[students groan]
This is amazing!
Finally a chance to go
on a real date with Jenny.
[laughing]
Whoa.
She'll get matched with moi,
and her precious Artur
will be stuck with all
the losers at the punch bowl.
How are you so sure
you'll get Jenny?
Tangy Tango!
[thumping techno music]
We have the same gum.
- So?
- So it's a sign.
I mean, we're clearly
the same person in two bodies.
Of course we're
going to be matched.
Dream on, dude.
You and Jenny have nothing
in common.
She's a rom-com,
and you're
an '80s disaster movie
that no one wants to watch.
You clowns just don't
understand our connection.
Believe me, our answers
will match perfectly.
[chomping]
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[tense music]
[computer beeping ominously]
[mouse clicks]
[suspenseful music]
All right, youngsters.
Your computer-generated
dance partners will
be posted tomorrow morning.
Imagine all that priceless
love data stored on one
tiny, little flash drive.
Now I've just got to keep
this little baby safe
until the dance and that
giant check is mine--
I mean ours.
[laughing nervously]
I didn't say nothing.
Don't look at me!
- [sighs]
- Hey, Nate.
[clears throat] Nate.
[snapping] Wake up, Romeo.
You got that dopey
daydreaming-about-Jenny
look on your face again.
Well, why shouldn't
I dream about Jenny?
After all, we're going
to the dance together.
And how is that exactly?
The quiz results aren't
being posted until tomorrow.
Nate is under the
impression that he and Jenny
have so much in common.
[all laughing]
What could you two
possibly have in common?
Well, I will have
you know that we
both love Tangy Tango gum.
So--
Here, Artur, take this.
I hate Tangy Tango.
Oh, thank you, my love.
The flavor reminds me of
stale gravy and compost apples.
[chewing] Mm, mmm.
Ah, Jenny, I love sound
of disgust in your voice.
What else are you hate?
Well, let's see.
- I think skateboarding is gross.
- [grunts]
- Rock and roll is lame.
- [sobs quietly]
And comics are so boring.
- [loud crash]
- [yells] Whoa.
[heart monitor beeping]
[laughing] When you're wrong,
you are so, so wrong.
But when you're right--
no, no, that never happens.
Tough break.
She literally hates
everything you stand for.
Yeah, I guess you'll just
have to go to the dance
with whoever EEW
matches you to.
Hope it's human.
Hi, I'm Grogg!
Be my Valentine, Nate Wright!
[screaming]
What am I going to do?
I got nothing.
How about you?
[gasps]
It's getting hard to breathe
down there
with all these
terrible ideas.
- [door opens]
- What's going on up here?
We can hear you pacing
from the living room, dear.
And, well it's weird.
Thought maybe some
critters had gotten in.
You know I like me
some squirrel meat.
Ah, yeah, at school,
we took these
stupid computerized
love connection quizzes
to pair us with our most
compatible dance partners.
I obviously want
to go with Jenny.
But I'm a little
worried we won't match.
Ha, my boy, I think
it's time we shared
a family secret with you.
Your grandfather and I
dabbled in computer hacking
in the '80s.
[laughing] Dabbled? Ha!
Who are we kidding?
We were wanted in 12 states
[Marge shouting]
And parts of Canada.
Now,
not suggesting you should
break into your school's
computer.
Oh, oh, do that!
- Hey!
- Why not? That's a great idea!
No, wait, hang on.
The test results
are in a flash drive
that Principal Nichols is
wearing around his neck.
He won't let it
out of his sight.
Oh, son, have a little faith
in your grandparents.
[snoring]
[distant owl hooting]
[suspenseful music]
Money, money, money,
money, money.
- [head hits frame]
- Oh!
[loud crash]
[muttering]
Get out of my pudding.
♪
We're in luck.
He's a heavy sleeper.
That's it!
♪
[snorts]
Ah!
[sighs]
[muttering sleepily]
♪
[straining]
OK, this might be a little
harder than we first thought.
[upbeat suspenseful music]
[grunting]
[laughs]
[air squeaks out]
[yells]
[straining]
[yelps]
[snoring]
[yells]
[loud crash]
[groans]
I have one last idea.
But I warn you,
it's pretty stupid.
Stupid, huh?
Sounds good to me.
Wesley, here's
a giant check for you.
Just open your
hand and grab it.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
Yes! I got it.
[gasps]
♪
[dinging]
[buzzing]
♪
[water splashes]
Did I--oh, no!
♪
[startup chime]
[chuckles, cracks knuckles]
[computer beeping]
[thumping electronic music]
[monkey hooting]
[computer buzzes]
[monkey screams]
[computer beeps]
♪
[all cheering]
♪
- [laughing]
- We did it, we did it!
Goodbye, Kim.
And hello, Jenny.
[thumping]
[laughter]
[computer beeps]
[suspenseful music]
[school bell rings]
Oh, this is more
nerve wracking
than casting callbacks.
- [loud impact]
- Whoa!
All right, babe,
we got matched.
Yeah!
[bell rings]
[laughter]
Francis?
Hmm, I'll take it.
We must have similar
flavor profiles.
Huh?
The--the mop?
[water sloshing]
[romantic music]
[smooch sound]
The mop.
Uh, move aside, children.
Daddy's got some business
to check on.
Jen--uh, Kim?
[locker slams shut]
[blows kiss]
Cut it out. Stop it!
[laughter]
[downbeat music]
[groans]
[head hits locker]
Hey, Nate, who'd you get?
Not Jenny, obviously.
[laughter]
[Nate sobbing]
Well, are you surprised?
It's pretty clear you and
Jenny have nothing in common.
Just go with Kim.
She's cool.
In a terrifying,
bone-crushing way.
[snorts]
[groans]
Why did I trust Gram
and Gramps again?
Nate, what did you do?
All right, fine.
Me and my grandparents
stole Nichols' thumb drive
and hacked the quiz results
and made the computer
match me with Jenny.
[chuckles]
But something
must've glitched after that.
I need to get that
thumb drive back.
You hacked the quiz?
That is seriously messed up, bro.
That's over the top,
Nate, even for you.
At least our matches
came out OK.
But how do we know he didn't
mess them up for anyone else?
I really like your hair.
Yeah, maybe we should
check on the results.
- [water splashing]
- [slurping]
There he is now.
[buzzing]
Nichols clearly doesn't
have the drive on him anymore.
Yeah, that makes no sense.
Yesterday he was literally
wearing it in his sleep.
- Follow my lead, Francis.
- [yelps]
Who loves big checks?
I love big ch--
well, hello there, Francis.
Um, hi, Principal Nichols.
I was just wondering, uh,
what happened to your flash
drive?
[chuckles] Wearable
memory sticks are so cool.
Yeah,
Francis was thinking of
getting a flash drive necklace
for himself
so he could be more like you,
his "princi-pal."
Oh, well, I stopped
wearing the flash drive
around my neck.
The pressure points
were causing me to wet my--uh,
causing me anxiety.
- [nervous laughter]
- Hmm.
[laughs uncomfortably]
It's locked up tight
in a steel safe in my office.
[both laugh uncomfortably.
[electronic beeping]
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
No doubt he's got
his office locked down tight.
We're going to have to
ram through that door
with brute force.
Here we go.
[strains]
[door squeaks open]
Oh, I knew that was open.
This is going to be easy.
Ah! Shiny thing.
Ah!
[yelps]
Booby traps!
[tense music]
[kids screaming]
[kids sigh]
Okay, that's two traps.
There must be a third.
Traps always come in threes.
[suspenseful music]
[loud click]
Uh, you guys.
Okay, just stay still.
We'll get you out.
No, no. We don't know
what this trap will do.
Get inside the safe first.
We'll make a run for it
after you find the thumb drive.
♪
How the heck are we supposed
to break into a steel safe?
[metallic thumping]
Gang, we're going to have
to get real stupid up in here.
[energetic music]
both: Stupid!
[clattering and grinding]
- [explosion]
- [moaning]
♪
Hadouken!
Shoryuken!
[screaming]
♪
[roaring]
[whimpering]
[moans]
Hmm.
[lock clicking]
Yeah, it was the
manufacturer's code.
Nichols never changed it.
Why didn't you
try that first?
And miss you guys
blowing stuff up?
No way.
[all cheering]
Okay, now, um,
get me out of here.
[grunts]
I'll push forward, and you
roll backwards on three.
One, two, three.
[metallic clank]
[squirrel chatters]
[suspenseful music]
♪
Okay, you did the thing.
Let's go.
Hey, Chad still has the mop.
Oh, you know, that's okay.
You could just leave that one.
We've really hit it off.
[romantic music]
[music stops]
[wet smooching]
Okay.
Okay, now, let's see.
Who should we put Artur with?
Uh--[clicks tongue]
Ooh, ooh!
The Azdaya!
[laughing evilly]
[soft pleasant music]
[laughing] Oh!
Oh, my love!
You are looking more beautiful
than Stylgravian goat
frolicking through pasture!
Uh?
[roaring and screaming]
[Azdaya gulps and burps]
[Azdaya roars]
Perfect.
[laughs evilly]
Wait.
That's pretty mean, Nate.
You're already
taking his girlfriend.
Stop, give it back.
[grunting and straining]
[tense music]
Uh-oh.
We better get out of here.
♪
[electrical zapping]
♪
[bird squawks]
Huh?
[screams]
[soft upbeat music]
[both laugh]
[knock at door]
Mr. Galvin?
Ah, good evening, Mrs. Pope.
I know it's late,
but mere moments ago,
I received an email
informing me that you--ahem--
are my soul mate.
- Huh?
- Huh?
[marker squeaking]
[computer alert beeping]
[computer chiming]
No match.
No match. No match.
- [dog panting]
- Vern, I've got some news.
[dog barking]
[roosters crowing]
[peaceful music]
♪
- [alarm rings]
- [yawns]
Today's the day.
[chuckles]
Who needs compatibility when
you got mad hacking skills?
[Blind Melon's "No Rain"]
[soft upbeat music]
♪
[person screaming]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[people yelling]
♪
All I can say is that
my life is pretty plain ♪
I like watching
the puddles gather rain ♪
[electronic beeping]
I'll always be there
when you wake ♪
[whistling]
You guys!
What have we done?
Huh?
The whole town is falling
apart and it's our fault.
Even my parents are fighting.
Sweetheart, what does
he have that I don't have?
You don't by any chance
have radish juice, do you?
New environments
always get my bowels compacted.
My parents are counseling
the couples of Rackleff 24/7
for the next five years,
with no break!
I'll never see them again.
And my parents said that
the math of the relationship
is not adding up anymore!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- It's not working!
Do you have nothing
to say about this, Nate?
Um
Oh, Jenny, hey!
Hey, hey,
did you see the board?
Yeah, it looks like
you and I are going
to the dance together.
- [chuckles]
- Oh, okay.
You haven't seen Artur,
have you?
He missed our morning cuddle.
Curse you, Azdaya,
creature of Stylgravia
who eat joy!
[Artur screams]
Oh, Artur will never love you,
no matter what love quiz say!
[roaring and screaming]
Uh, nope.
No, I haven't seen him.
I'm sure he's fine though.
Anyway, pick you up at 8:00?
I guess.
Better than going alone.
- Oh, Artur.
- [chuckles]
You see that?
That's called closing
the deal-io, my friends.
[chuckles]
Did you notice
how excited Jenny was?
Nate, are you insane?
You took this way too far.
Rackleff is in shambles.
[crowd yelling]
And Jenny's clearly miserable
without Artur.
[Jenny sobbing]
Hmm, yeah, no,
I'm not seeing that.
[tense music]
[whistling]
[gasps]
Sweet and sour cornichons!
Oh, no, oh, no,
oh, no, oh, no!
It's gone!
No flash drive means no data,
which means no giant check!
[feedback screeches]
Attention, children.
The PS 38
Valentine's Day dance
is canceled
until further notice.
[all grumble]
[laughs nervously]
A very important flash drive
was stolen from my office.
[all grumble]
And the dance will not go on
until whoever stole it
returns it.
[all grumbling angrily]
Who would do something
like that?
Well, now, hey,
I'm sure whoever did it,
obviously not me,
did it for some very romantic,
totally forgivable reason that
I'm sure he can easily fix.
Whatever.
Nate, you need to come clean.
My family is on the line.
- And mine.
- And mine.
Come on, Nate.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Maybe I did let things
get a little out of control.
But it was for love,
and how could that be wrong?
[laughing]
Guys, we are in love.
We're going to get married.
[romantic music]
Okay, yeah,
it was totally wrong.
So what are you
gonna do about it?
Oh, easy.
The same thing I always do:
talk my way out of it.
And if it doesn't work,
blame Francis.
[sighs]
Romantic troubles
got you down?
Be at PS 38 at 7:30
with the rest of the town!
- [roars]
- [screams]
[bicycle bell rings]
- Whoa! [grunts]
- Oh, hello, honey.
Aren't you supposed to be at
that dance soon with that girl?
- [straining]
- What's her name? Fleur?
Jenny.
And, well, look, I'm not sure
if you guys noticed,
but I basically
burned down the entire town
trying to get that date.
Way to go, honey.
We're so proud of you.
Hey, uh, have you guys
seen that flash drive
I left around here somewhere?
That's funny.
It was here a second ago.
[stomach rumbling]
[gasps]
Woo-hoo!
[dramatic music]
[crowd yelling]
Get the love usurper!
[shudders]
Okay, grand speech time.
Any ideas how I should play it?
Uh, talk fast
before they get stabby?
Don't get stabbed.
Got it.
[takes deep breath]
[clears throat]
Uh, hello. Hi, everyone.
You're probably wondering how
all your lives got messed up.
[laughs] And, uh, well,
um, it was kind of, um, me.
- Sorcery!
- Burn the witch!
♪
So I--er, well,
I stole Principal Nichols'
flash drive
and hacked the love connection quiz.
You did what?
But, but, but people
shouldn't be together
because of a quiz or,
you know, in my case,
because of cheating.
You should be with somebody
you have things in common with
and somebody who likes you
just the way you are.
And that's why, Jenny
you should go to the dance
with A-A-Artur.
Okay,
but Artur is still missing.
Yah!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
[groans]
From far away,
I tame the Azdaya
and make it bring me back
to you!
- Like Stylgravian whooping rash!
- Oh, Artur!
[smooching]
[groans] Okay, okay.
As I was saying,
and will probably regret
for the rest
of my natural life,
these two crazy kids
belong together.
And that goes for all of you.
Ignore whatever
that stupid quiz says.
You should be with
who you belong with,
not who you're told to be with.
Yeah, he's right!
[all cheering]
[upbeat music]
Oof!
So about that flash drive?
[chuckles nervously]
Huh?
Hmm.
Oh, uh, here you go.
[chuckles uncomfortably]
- [laughs]
- Um, hey, one last favor.
Not for me, but for
the rest of the school.
Can the Valentine's dance
be back on?
Yes, it can, Nate.
And you know what?
- You're gonna to be there.
- [laughs] I am?
Why, yes indeed-y,
because I've just established
a post-dance clean-up
committee.
And you are it.
Yep, I guess that's fair.
And you've got
detention every day
for the next two months.
Okay, harsh but deserved.
And until further notice,
you are Mrs. Godfrey's
new classroom helper.
You, sir, are a monster.
The dance is back on, folks!
Oh, and PS 38 cannot
be held liable
for any damages to the town.
Happy Valentine's Day now!
[electricity crackling]
Easy, men,
there's enough for everyone.
Sorry it didn't
work out with Jenny.
Yeah, it's okay.
My day will come.
Maybe it's already here.
Whoa, who's that?
She's the new girl.
Her name's Ruby.
I hear she's super nice.
And she's a huge
comic book fan.
[Nate laughs nervously]
Nice to finally
be regular again.
[grunts]
Oh, FYI, Wesley,
there's a limo waiting
for you in the parking lot.
Woo-hoo, pay day!
[laughs]
Our love isn't wrong.
It's society that's wrong.
I want you to know
I will never forget you.
I love you.
[sobbing]
[loud grinding]
[crying]
[suspenseful music]
- Do you have the data?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I do.
It's all right here,
safe and sound.
Your giant check,
as promised.
[laughs]
Ooh, oh, let me look at you!
[laughs]
My giant check for--
[dramatic notes]
$20?
[tires squealing]
♪
The personal information
of all the children
is now property of EEW Corp.
[computer chiming]
♪
Ah.
♪
[snarling]
Nate Wright is proving
to be a problem.
A big problem.
[romantic music]
♪
There Is a
different dream girl ♪
I just know your head
smells like fresh salad ♪
With Italian dressing ♪