DAVE (2020) s02e07 Episode Script

1
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
Yo, what's up? It's Lil
Yachty, from Atlanta, Georgia.
Um, the thing what
got me into, you know,
taking this rap thing serious was,
you know, growing up,
my mom worked two jobs,
and wanted to, you know,
live above for once,
you know, you know,
provide for my family,
so I think that's what
really drove me to,
you know, take this thing serious.
(TRILLS) You already know the vibes.
Your boy Desiigner, New York City.
And what really made me take
my career serious was, you know,
when I was 14, I got shot.
For me, I was in the streets, wilin',
doing things I wasn't
supposed to do, so,
seen a vision, and I
started following it,
and here I am today. No kizzy.
Hey. Lil Dicky. I'm from
Cheltenham, Pennsylvania,
which is the first suburb
right outside of Philadelphia.
It's, like, a stone's
throw away, honestly.
Two minute drive,
you're in in the city.
My childhood was ideal.
Like, I was very loved and respected
- by my friends and family
- How's it look?
Does he look too Jewish?
DAVE: Well, maybe I shouldn't
say "ideal" actually.
Think it's a little
late to be asking that.
GATA: Too Jewish? He don't even got
the shit on his head or nothing.
There was a lot of body trauma,
if I'm being honest with you,
a couple of procedures
I wish I could have back,
a second crack at it, but
you live and you learn,
um, as they say, and
Anyways, I went to college,
uh, University of Richmond,
and I graduated as the
marketing student of the year.
And actually, Businessweek
ranked my undergraduate program
as the number-one undergraduate
marketing program in America.
So by the transitive property,
I was incredibly well-positioned.
And I got a job at an ad agency.
And it was cool.
Like, uh, you know, but it just, like
I've always felt like I
was the one, genuinely.
So, I went for it, and here I am.
What was the question, again?
You doing commercials?
Yeah, I I have, like,
ten commercials on TV.
Brrra. Geek geek!
Yeah.
Can we actually, uh, not
put that part in the edit?
Um, who do I need to talk to about that?
Uh, I'd actually love to
Just because I'm very, like, careful
about how I do my branding and
Oh, that's great.
- Bound ♪
- Bound ♪
Bound ♪
Bound to fall in love ♪
Bound ♪
Hey.
Hey.
- Hey!
- Boun ♪
- It's just me.
- Oh. Hi.
Did you switch chairs with me?
Uh
- Uh
- You could interpret it that way.
- Give it back.
- Okay.
- Slugs.
- (IMITATING MIKE TYSON): My back is broken.
- Well, you know.
- Spinal.
Mike Tyson?
I have no idea what that reference is.
What you got for me?
- TD Ameritrade?
- Mm-hmm.
Sure. Let me pull up my list.
Okay, so I've got one idea.
- Just one?
- It's the best idea
probably that's ever come
out of this building, so
- Okay, let's hear it.
- Would you be interested in hearing
- an idea like that? Great.
- I would love to hear your idea.
Imagine driving down the street, right?
You look up, you see a billboard.
But there's a human
being strapped to it.
Like, actually up, strapped.
- Mm-hmm.
- And it just says. "Strapped for cash?
- TD Ameritrade."
- Mm-hmm.
It's clean, it's
simple, it's newsworthy.
I think, like, reporters would report.
It's an online brokerage firm.
They're not buying anything funny.
I don't know. I chose not
to have any inhibitions and dream big.
Like, I'm not putting any
unnecessary limitations on this.
The limitations are necessary,
or you're just wasting time.
- Okay, number two on the list.
- Mm-hmm.
If you were to hear me say,
"I'm dick-fingering a girl,"
in a song, how would you interpret that?
- That you're a loser?
- 'Cause every song's about sex.
- I've never heard such unique phrasing.
- Yeah, but no guy
has ever said, "I want
to dick-finger you."
Bingo. Exactly. Why would
That's that's first
mover advantage. Oh!
I figured out my rap name.
Oh, my God, what is it?
Well, take a moment
and really absorb this,
because you're probably gonna, like,
replay this moment a couple dozen times.
- Tell me.
- Call me
Norm Bender.
Norm Bender?
Yeah, like, my as
if my name were Norman.
- MAN: Yo, Burd.
- 'Cause I bend norms at every
- Burd.
- I'm Norm Bender.
Yo, here, here. Look.
- You done Chatroulette yet?
- Oh, yeah. Huh.
- I think I've seen this before.
- Is this is this
- This is a global
- Yeah. You, like, connect
with a bunch of different
people all over the world.
- It's, uh
- Oh!
- I Ew.
- Oh, wow.
- Uh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
- Guy's dick is made of meat.
- There's a lot of dicks on this.
- Hey, what do you need from us?
- Let's cream. Uh
- Hold on. Hold on.
- Uh, here we go. Here we go.
- Lower my voice.
Well, they keep nexting us,
but I'm ready to make him cream.
- Mm. Yup.
- Oh.
- Hello, sir.
- Oh, hi.
Hey, how's it going?
DAVE: Just hanging out.
Are you my father?
- MAN: Um I don't think so.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Nice.
- Ah.
- MAN: Okay.
- DAVE: That's funny.
- Hey, chubby.
- MAN: Just working from home.
- Looking for people to talk to.
- EMMA: Shit. Jeff.
(CLEARS THROAT)
DAVE: So we should
work hard at this task.
- Did he see us?
- Mm, I don't know.
- It's fine.
- I don't know. I'm not
Guys, I've done coke
with one of the partners
at the holiday party.
I'm not gonna say who, but trust me,
- we're good. It's
- I've never done coke, but
- I'm on Adderall.
- Ah, nice. Can I get some?
Can't do it. My mom made me
promise not to give any away.
Got it. Got it, got it, got it.
- Dave.
- Of course.
What about "of course"?
"TD Ameritrade. Of course."
- Of course not.
- Well
Maybe just think of
it differently. Like,
what kind of movies do you like?
Uh, Warner Brothers?
They're the most consistent.
- Never mind.
- (PHONE DINGS)
Wow! Kanye's new album just
dropped. Yeezus is here.
- Yeezus is here?
- Yeah, isn't that the best title
you've ever heard? That's
such a Kanye title. I love it.
- Yeezus.
- So arrogant and lacking self-awareness.
Very Kanye.
What on God's green earth
- are you even talking about?
- (LAUGHS)
If Kanye wasn't that way,
he would never be Kanye.
He wouldn't even be a rapper.
This is gonna hit me
at the perfect time.
Every time I listen to him, it's like
there's nothing in my way and
I can achieve all my dreams.
Aw. Is the world in your way?
You got to understand I have always felt
like I was the biggest
star on the planet.
- You?
- Yeah, me.
I used to watch The Truman Show
and think that that was me
that everyone was watching me
because I was, like, destined to provide
entertainment for everybody.
And I still feel that way,
and I'm gonna go for it fully.
I'm just waiting on the moment
for my boat to hit the wall,
like Jim Carey's did
at the end of the movie?
So you've always been delusional?
- Or I've always said
- Or
that I can live with failure,
but I can't live with what-ifs.
It must be nice to live in a world
where dreams don't have to be dreams.
Guys, seriously? How am
I still here right now
and you're playing fucking basketball?
EMMA: Sorry, Stephen. We're so sorry.
Our bad, big dog.
- (SCOFFS)
- That's Mm.
Did you just call our boss big dog?
I did, but it doesn't really matter.
In five years, he's gonna
be remembering the time
he had this conversation
with me when I was wasting
my national treasure of
a brain on TD Ameritrade.
This fucking sucks. This must be exactly
what Kanye felt like
when he worked at the Gap.
I've hit a wall. I got to go home.
You want to head out?
I think I got a little
bit more left in me,
so I'm just gonna stick around,
but I'll see you tomorrow.
All right. Good night, Slug.
- Good night. Love you.
- Love you.
Blood on the leaves ♪
I just need to clear my mind now ♪
It's been racin'
since the summertime ♪
- Leaves ♪
- Now I'm holdin' down the summer now ♪
- Leaves ♪
- And all I want is what I can't buy now ♪
- Blood on the leaves ♪
- 'Cause I ♪
Ain't got the money on me right now ♪
- And I told you to wait ♪
- Leaves ♪
- Yeah, I told you to wait ♪
- Leaves ♪
Would be lost without me ♪
- We could've been somebody ♪
- Strange fruit ♪
- Hanging ♪
- Thought you'd be different 'bout it ♪
We could've been somebody ♪
'Stead you had to tell somebody ♪
Let's take it back
to the first party. ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Got a couple bars I don't even rap ♪
Any party, pull up hella tardy ♪
Hypin' up the crowd
like I'm Rick and Morty ♪
Can't wait for this to be over.
- I'm so stressed about this cypher.
- GATA: What?!
LD, you just made the XXL Freshman list.
You used to dream
about that type of shit.
And you got bars. Ain't
nobody spittin' like you.
If you want, there's a barber.
You can get a haircut if that's
- Does that help?
- I don't understand
how we haven't gotten the beat yet.
Like, how am I supposed
to know how to rap
if I don't know what we're rapping over?
Look around. You made it.
If I would've told you
this back in the cube
- My dick sucks, my dick sucks ♪
- Fuck.
GATA: What? This is my song.
- Song's so old.
- This is my shit right here, bro.
- My dick sucks ♪
- GATA: LD?
We don't have to hear any more of this.
Everyone's heard this before.
Yeah, you doing some funny
shit tomorrow, Lil Dicky?
I don't think so, Lil Yachty.
- I feel like I don't know.
- DAVE EAST: Fuck this shit.
I'm putting up my shit.
Power move.
- Yeah.
- DAVE: I respect that.
That's what it fucking
sound like, no doubt.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
I respect you.
Uh, hey, we went to University
of Richmond together,
believe it or not.
- Same year. Yeah.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- I don't remember you at all.
Yeah, uh, we probably had, you know,
drastically different social groups.
- I got kicked out my freshman year.
- I know.
- It was, like
- You made it through?
I did. I made it all
the way. I graduated.
- I was actually the student of my year. Uh,
- That's what's up.
but I remember when you got kicked out
because you were on the basketball team,
and it made me so upset
because the team
I, like, had such hopes for that team.
And, like, you were a
big part of that puzzle,
so when you got kicked
out, it was, like, very
uh, it was a bummer for me. Um
Obviously, I was upset for
you as a man, primarily.
Your underwear is exposed.
Me and S-Game at the X Games ♪
Bitch blowing up my
phone playing text games ♪
OGE life on my neck, man ♪
Yo, are you, like, Lil Dicky girlfriend
- or something like that?
- Oh, hell, no. He wishes.
- I just film him.
- Oh, you film?
Oh, well, shit, I'm
looking for a new director
of my music video myself,
'cause the last dude trash.
- You boot, man.
- No, I just do it for fun,
- not for real.
- Oh.
I made his logos, though.
That's cool.
Can I get at those Takis, though?
- Yeah. Sorry.
- Thanks.
OGE got bitches on top of bitches ♪
I ain't talkin' two or
three, I'm talkin' ♪
Okay, look at you, over here
networking with Denzel Curry,
connecting the dots. That's
what I'm trying to do.
Yeah, I wouldn't call that networking.
Why not? Look where we at.
I'm trying to get a verse
from one of these rappers, I
need a manager and publicist.
I'm trying to make something
shake out here, Emma.
No, I'm not trying to
be thirsty, you know?
I'm not thirsty. I'm just
hungry. Man, I got to eat.
Like, for real, don't be afraid.
- I
- Dada!
Where your, like, monitor, supervisor?
Like, who Nobody watching you, brah?
I feel you, though, man. I
used to be just like you
young, out here, lost, fresh,
wiggling, man, like, for real, man.
I used to be a kid, too, myself.
But it's gonna be all right, man.
Just keep your head up, little homie.
- You gonna be straight.
- WOMAN: Damian?!
(BABBLES)
Sorry about that, y'all.
Mucho D, niggas trash bitches ♪
OGE life, nigga, nigga, ass bitches ♪
Damn. That's motivation
right there. Real shit.
But I'm about to go get
this Desiigner verse, though.
You see me? I'm out here suited
and booted. I got to get it.
- Tell 'em come through ♪
- No, I know ♪
The party poppin'
over here, poppin'. ♪
STEPHEN: Uh-huh. Yeah.
No, yeah, I get it, but we need
someone who knows this world.
Huh?
Her? I
I would not put her on it, no.
Yeah, maybe Dan. I could work
with Dan, sure. All right.
I need you guys to help
me out with some TV spots.
What do you say?
- TV?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- John and Vicky are out of the office this week,
so can you guys work on
the Mountain Dew campaign?
- We absolutely can.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Great.
We've got an internal
with Jeff tomorrow, so, uh,
why don't we circle
back in the A.M. Cool?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yes, I'd love to meet Jeff.
Have you guys ever done TV?
- No.
- Not yet.
Well, hopefully you'll do
better than your Eagles did
against my New York
football Giants last week.
Oh, my God. We literally
had our third-string
quarterback out there.
We were totally under
How are you bragging
about that? Get a grip.
I bet you guys wish you had Julio Jones.
He's on my fantasy team.
He's, like, leading the
league in YAC yards, so
- She's a Falcons fan.
- STEPHEN: Well, actually,
YAC yards is kind of like saying,
"yards after catch yards."
- So
- Oh.
- It's true.
- STEPHEN: Anyway, I will shoot Dave the brief,
- and you guys'll be off and running.
- Shoot it to me.
- Yeah.
- Can you CC me?
- Yeah. I can just forward it,
- Or
- whatever's clever.
- Yeah. Just forward it.
DAVE: We are gonna kill
this fuckin' Ooh, sorry.
- But we're gonna kill this thing.
- Do it.
- Thank you.
- Do it.
You won't regret it. Thank you.
Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew. Dew, Dew.
Dew, Dew. Doo-doo.
Hey, I got a buddy who
loves shitting in the mall.
What's his favorite movie?
What?
PAUL FART: Mall Poop.
Dave, it's way too late for that.
There's people out here, by the way.
Can we, like This is a little crazy.
I thought you were a competitor.
I want to see what these doofuses got.
- See what we're up against.
- Well Mountain Dewfus.
I'm excited to get in front of Jeff.
That guy's got such a presence to him.
Well, that's what happens
when you own an ad agency.
Ooh, let me check Adrian's office
and see what they're pitching.
Why do you care so much about this?
- It's like trash digging or
- Because making commercials
is so much cooler than
dumb-ass billboards.
I've been waiting over
a year to make TV spots.
So if you could do
whatever you want in life,
you would, what, make
Super Bowl commercials?
If I could do anything,
I'd direct movies.
What? How have I never
heard this before?
Just don't feel like it's a real job.
What do you mean? It's
definitely a real job.
- Every movie you see has a director.
- I understand how it works, Dave.
It's just 99% of
directors don't make it.
Yeah, but what if you're the one
- Can you just help me?
- Don't be such a buzzkill.
This is, like, a
rebellious brand, you know.
You got to, like, unleash me here.
You'd be surprised what they're
probably capable of doing.
Please allow me to unleash my
inner Kanye on this fucking shit.
Okay.
Okay.
What? So I'd be rapping,
rapping, rapping.
Swagger, charisma,
all of that, hopefully.
Go around, I guess, over and over
until the song is done. I don't know.
But don't think all these
people will have to, like,
turn their heads to see you?
I didn't think about that.
I think you should go under the table.
It'll be so sick. Come through here.
- Like, crawl?
- Yeah, and then, like, rap here,
rap here, and then you'll
be in the middle performing.
- Crawl.
- You want me to crawl under the table in front of Jeff?
Yeah. Look, here. I'll show
you 'cause you can't see.
I'm rapping. I'm rapping. You
have no idea what I'm doing.
- And I shoot through the table like a rat.
- Yeah.
- And down.
- And I'm up here, and then there. Wow.
And then I'm here, and then
everyone's staring at me.
- Then head over here.
- Yeah. Then I could even,
- uh, high-five people if I wanted to.
- (LAUGHING): Yes.
- Is that How does it look?
- Yes. Cut.
- Cut.
- Look.
Oh, that's way sicker.
- Right?
- Yeah, I like that a lot.
And then I'll design some
awesome graphics on the TV.
- Slug?
- Yeah.
Will you direct my real
music videos when I make them
when I'm a real rapper?
Definitely, Slug.
Hey, but don't get too ex
Oh, you're giving me a hug?
- Yeah.
- Aw.
Don't get too excited, okay?
It's gonna be an all-nighter. So,
write your rap and I'll
work on the visuals.
- All-nighter?
- Yup.
I've never pulled one of those before.
- Ever?
- Ever. The latest I've ever stayed up
3:45 a.m. New York City, am I right?
Fuck. They got strip clubs out there.
- Yup.
- Got one night to write a rap.
That's fine. I thrive
in the face of pressure.
I better drink some fucking
Mountain Dew if I'm gonna
- Caffeinated. Go for it.
- The
- Oh, my God!
- (GROANS)
You're supposed to do
that with an empty can.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Please, I can't be touched.
MIKE: Hey, Sherry, just following
up to see if we could get that beat
for the cypher because
LD is big on prep.
It's just not something we do.
We never give it out in advance.
Yeah, I hear that, but, um,
you know, think about,
like, today, culturally.
That might be, like, a past
type of way of thinking.
You know, like, shouldn't we
be, like, uplifting everyone
and celebrating this
talent and showcase it,
not pitting everyone, uh, at odds?
Especially with, uh,
social, uh, ongoings
and, like, the, you
know, uh, like, today?
MIKE: Sherry, you know what? We
really just want to be prepared,
and it's not a competition,
so if we get the beat
early, everybody wins.
This is a competition.
That's the point of it.
Look, a lot of times, people just
use verses from unreleased songs.
Hey, you know what? That's cool,
but I don't really have any
unreleased verses, you know?
So that's just not something
I can tap into, unfortunately,
and if I could, I probably
wouldn't be, like, revealing it
for a the first time, over a
beat I never heard, to America.
You know what I mean?
- See you tomorrow, Dave.
- So if we can just talk about
(HANGS UP)
Fuck!
Great. I'm gonna be up the
entire night writing some verse
that can fit over any beat,
tempo that's ever existed.
Bro, that's what rappers do,
bro. You got it. Game six.
Seven. It's seven, Gata. Who said six?
- That's What are you talking about?
- Fuck.
Oh, nah. He closing out in six, bro.
Icons can do anything.
Jordan played baseball.
You know what I'm saying?
Bo Jackson did it all.
- You got it.
- Ants.
It's gonna work out like it always does.
You're born to do this, remember?
♪
(HUMMING SOFTLY)
Black coffee, almond milk
for the all-night woman.
Black coffee can't have milk.
What am I adding the milk to, then?
Coffee.
It feels racial.
Want to know another fun fact?
I've never actually rapped
in front of anybody before.
- Like, ever.
- Wait. Are you nervous?
Uh, look, I don't know. Fuck.
Jeff's, like, an
intimidating guy, and, uh,
this is all coming kind of quickly,
- and I just want to make sure I'm ready
- Dave,
if you want to be a rapper,
you're gonna have to do this eventually.
Might as well pop your cherry
in front of a bunch of white
dudes who won't even know
what's cool or not.
- It's gonna be cool.
- You're gonna be fine.
- Absolutely.
- You got this.
- I got it.
- Speaking of which Stephen,
we got quite the pitch
for Mountain Dew today.
- Yes, we do.
- Oh, fuck. I'm sorry.
Um, John and Vicky
actually sent some stuff in.
Aren't they on vacation?
Yeah. Yeah, they are fuckin' rock stars.
Anyway, um, we've got
enough manpower on Dew,
so, uh, why don't you guys
get back to work on TDA?
Whoa, whoa, so we're not
doing any TV commercials?
Can we just give you the elevator pitch?
Don't even worry about it.
Just TDA, guys. Thanks.
Fuck this fucking place.
Shit.
Long night last night?
- Yeah.
- Oh, uh,
I think I just saw your
father in conference room two.
Sony's here.
Everybody's Asian.
It's crazy. (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
- Slug?
- Mm.
Let's win the Mountain Dew pitch today.
Did you just, like, snort Adderall?
We're not even in the meeting.
So what?
Let's just fucking crash it. Who cares?
Just went in ther You
can't That's not
- That would never fly.
- Aren't you the one
who said you can live with
failure, not with what-ifs?
- That was I.
- Their tagline is "Do the Dew."
- It is. I feel it.
- They're all about doing.
We got to just do it, you know?
You're treading into Nike
territory, but fuck yeah,
- I'm down. How do we Let's
- Fuck yeah.
- Fuck, that's a I love that shit.
- Let's fucking fuck it up!
- Exactly. (GRUNTS)
- Do you have the music? Okay. That's a lot,
but, yes, uh, I'm ready. Uh
- Ready?
- Let's go!
♪
I left out of school
without mama's permission ♪
Bro, you didn't tell me they
had DJ Drama here today, bro.
You know it's about to go up, bro.
You got to snap, dawg, for real.
You know who that is, right?
MIKE: Gata, he doesn't need
the pressure right now, man.
- Just
- GATA: He bust again?
MIKE: I know, bro, but not now.
I stand but now I'm
the type of nigga ♪
Hey.
I ain't got to dump,
twelve o'clock in the whip ♪
Looking for the trunk,
and you can't fake the funk ♪
- Oh Oh.
- Pistol attached to a nigga like breast lumps ♪
Lot on the black pump,
pumping on tank three ♪
3:00 in the morning,
I'm half-asleep ♪
(PHONE DINGS)
- (WHISPERING): Check your phone.
- What?
Check your phone. I was
just flirting with the DJ.
I texted you the beat.
Income and the
getting the bag, though ♪
I'm through the back
door with my main bitch ♪
Can't get caught with my side ho ♪
I got Bape on ♪
You're welcome.
Bring the bricks on the high low ♪
This bitch only five,
four but her throat ♪
Feel like it's seven feet deep ♪
She sucking dick with a blindfold ♪
Made me disappear like my weed ♪
I'm going in, bitch,
it's guaranteed ♪
Hey, Gata, I want to
direct one of your videos.
You serious?
But you know I ain't got no
money for no music video, Emma.
That's fine. I just want to do shit.
- You for real?
- Yeah.
Oh, shit! This about to up
my gander, like, for real.
This is big-time. Like, top-tier.
- You really about to do this shit for me?
- Hey,
- Yeah.
- where's Lil Dicky?
- I don't know.
- I'm not even sure.
Anyone got eyes on Dicky?
(PULSING BEAT PLAYING)
New crib. New crib. New crib.
Chop, and you know that, boy ♪
New crib doesn't have a driveway ♪
Still pulling out when
I fuck by the fireplace ♪
I might be hip-hop Ryan Gosling ♪
I don't want to think about
it, it's just too exhausting ♪
Kissin' on your baby
like the boy politician ♪
Out tough shit, overcooked chicken ♪
Hoppin' out the Lyft,
no tippin', I'm rich ♪
So sick, getting' blown,
I'm just makin' a wish, uh ♪
Show out, only that you and I alike ♪
Pronouns, girls want to
go out, white, snowout ♪
Hair's so straight, blow out ♪
Touchdown score, no toe out ♪
Run around the telly,
bein' loud as fuck ♪
Maid stop comin' back,
turn down for what? ♪
Name hotter than a
motherfuckin' crowded bus ♪
That Lil Dicky got XXL, huh? ♪
Yes!
♪
Hey, Dave, keep in mind,
your clothes are really dark,
so don't lose your light.
- Every rapper has a spotlight.
- I'm gonna do it how I'm gonna do it.
I have to.
♪
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
Rolling. Quiet, y'all.
MAN: Still rolling sound.
That's what he do. They
can't spit like him.
He gonna be good.
- ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Dave East, you're up.
- Here I come.
- Kill that shit, Dave.
- Y'all ready.
Let's do this shit.
(PULSING BEAT PLAYING)
♪
Yo, this slow-ass beat ain't it, man.
- LIL YACHTY: You playin', man.
- DESIIGNER: Hey, yo this shit.
- DAVE EAST: That's wack. Wack.
- DENZEL: Speed it up, bro.
I got a different one. I got
I got something else. Here.
DENZEL: Let's do that. Let's do that.
- Oh, I need something else.
- Yeah.
(LIVELY BEAT PLAYING)
DAVE EAST: Yeah.
Thank you, man.
Uh, one, two. One, two. One, two.
Yo, not the one up in the sky ♪
Till the day that I die ♪
I'm the best rapper alive. ♪
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
LIL YACHTY: Don't play with him, bro.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Hey.
(WHOOPS)
- It's going out the end.
- That was really good.
- That was really good.
- DESIIGNER: Crazy.
Lil Dicky?
- Me?
- You're up.
- Okay.
- (LIVELY BEAT PLAYING)
- Kill that shit.
- DESIIGNER: Were you nervous?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- All right.
- Yeah, I'll take your word for it, Dave.
DAVE: Yo ♪
New crib doesn't have a driveway ♪
Still pulling out when I fuck ♪
By the fireplace ♪
I might be hip-hop
Ryan Gosling, I don't ♪
Hey, can we start that over?
Can we just run it back?
- Yup. Run that back.
- I got you.
- All right.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
(LIVELY BEAT RESUMES)
New crib doesn't have a driveway ♪
Still pulling out when I fuck ♪
Didn't do the vocal warmups that I do.
(GRUNTS) Here we go, here we go.
New crib doesn't have a driveway ♪
Still pull out when I fuck
by the fireplace, I might be ♪
Hip-hop Ryan Gosling, I
don't like to think about it ♪
It's just too exhausting,
so fast, fast ♪
Start it over. Start it over. Sorry.
I'm just trying to get
the hang of this new beat.
(LIVELY BEAT PLAYING)
(MUMBLING)
(MUMBLING): Doesn't have a
driveway, doesn't have a fuck ♪
Can you just don't
come so close? Thanks.
Can we go back to the can we
go back to the-the first beat?
- Uh
- (MUSIC STOPS)
E everyone kind of
has to have the same one,
- otherwise it wouldn't cut together.
- DAVE: Right.
And and you won't do yours
again to the slower beat, no?
- Nah, I'm good.
- Okay.
Adapt. Adapt. Adapt. Play it, uh
- Start it up. Start it up.
- (LIVELY BEAT PLAYING)
(MUMBLING): Why, why,
why, why, why, why, why?
STEPHEN: Mountain Dew is current,
it's exciting, it's iconic.
It's pure energy in a bottle.
Or or a can. Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
That's why we're telling the
world to grab a Mountain Dew and
charge up. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Jeff, we're just blue-skying
right now, but, uh,
happy to hear your thoughts.
- We can circle back at the
- Hold on. There's one more.
- Wait, what are you
- Trust me.
You guys are gonna love this.
STEPHEN: I
(RHYTHMIC SYNTHESIZER BEAT PLAYING)
Hi. Hello.
How's it going?
You guys are here for the
Mountain Dew pitch, right?
You can sit. I figured it all out.
Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew,
Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew ♪
Mountain Dew, Mountain
Dew, Mountain Dew ♪
Drink, chug, do the
Dew, aw, everyone ♪
Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew,
Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew ♪
Mountain Dew, Mountain
Dew, Mountain Dew ♪
What would you do to do
what you want? It's done ♪
Did you have a good time
listening to everybody's ♪
Silly ideas about soda?
Aw, man, party's over ♪
This is the closer, let me
just demonstrate this further ♪
Just imagine there's a commercial ♪
And there's a rapper about
your work and he's all like ♪
Jill, would you like a Mountain Dew? ♪
Steph, would you
like a Mountain Dew? ♪
Jeff, would you like a Mountain Dew? ♪
Steve, I don't know about
you, I'm just kidding, but Jeff ♪
Look at the can, look at
me dance, look at the man ♪
Jeff, I'm looking pretty
on brand, they got supply ♪
Well, this is demand, Jeff, uh ♪
The kids will post this on the 'Gram ♪
Tag all their friends ♪
By the end of the night,
they'll be like "Sprite who?" ♪
We make up a dance,
man, where does it end? ♪
Dude, I got to try to overthink it ♪
It's a motherfucking drink ♪
So let's put in the can, great, done ♪
By the way, hi, I'm Dave ♪
While I have your attention ♪
I sit over there in
the cube, in the pit ♪
I'm a genius, I should
probably get more ops ♪
Underutilized as fuck,
but I guess today it stops ♪
Maybe not, it depends ♪
If management can open
their eyes a little ♪
I'm just messing with Stephen,
but clearly, I'm a leader ♪
Of thought, no? ♪
Look what I've done ♪
Okay, I'm done. ♪
You can stop it. You can stop the music.
Stop the music, stop the music.
- (WHOOPING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
Thank you guys so much.
That was awesome.
You know what? Let's fast-track
this and lock in a rapper.
WOMAN: I think he
could run point on that.
What's your name again?
Norm Bender.
It's Dave. My name's Dave.
Okay, so, you you
prefer Dave or Norm Bender?
Dave.
Oh, and give it up for Emma.
She did all the visuals. Uh
They're kind of cool, right?
Did you guys even see 'em?
I might be hip-hop Ryan Gosling ♪
I don't like to think
about it, too exhausting ♪
Only Fuck!
Sorry. New crib, new
Kissing on your baby
like a politician ♪
I don't I'm sorry.
Okay, you know what? I
I think we have enough
to stitch something out of
it, so you can just stop.
Can I just take five? I'm
sorry. I just need five minutes.
Thank you so much. I just need
five minutes. Thank you guys.
(MUMBLING)
♪
(SIGHS)